Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Nikhil Question by Nikhil on Feb 19, 2023Hindi
Listen
Money

Hi i m 42 yrs age n have salary of 35k p m and out of that 5k i save in mutual funds but the currently its negative return Parag parikh flexicap n UTi mid cap and i dont have much saving how to plan my retirement so i get 25 to 30k per month i got

Ans: Hi Nikhil,

Please consider investing in equity funds for a period of 7 years or more. In the short term, equity funds can deliver negative returns or low returns. Regardless of that, stay the course and continue your SIP to build your retirement corpus.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi ,I am 31 years old , working as software developer with in-hand salary of 1 lakh/month ,current expenses is 15000/month, my total investment is 15 lakh in mutual fund,5 lakh stock,4 lakh in ppf, currently investing 30,000/month in mutual fund,12,000/month in ppf,want to retire in next 10 years,can you suggest my e how to plan for retirement.
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach towards planning for retirement at such a young age. Let's outline a retirement plan tailored to your financial situation and goals:
Assessing Your Current Situation:
1. Income and Expenses: With a monthly salary of ?1 lakh and expenses of ?15,000, you have a significant surplus for savings and investments.
2. Investment Portfolio: Your investments in mutual funds, stocks, and PPF indicate a diversified approach to wealth accumulation, which is a positive step.
Retirement Planning:
1. Define Retirement Goals: Determine your desired lifestyle and expenses during retirement. Consider factors like healthcare, travel, hobbies, and inflation when estimating future expenses.
2. Calculate Retirement Corpus: Based on your retirement goals and expected expenses, calculate the corpus required to sustain your lifestyle during retirement. Factor in inflation and potential healthcare costs.
3. Investment Strategy: Given your age and investment horizon of 10 years, focus on aggressive wealth accumulation. Consider increasing your monthly SIP contributions to mutual funds to accelerate growth.
4. Asset Allocation: Maintain a diversified portfolio across asset classes like equity, debt, and other investment avenues. Rebalance your portfolio periodically to align with your risk tolerance and retirement goals.
5. Tax Planning: Utilize tax-efficient investment options like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), PPF, and NPS to maximize tax benefits and optimize returns.
6. Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses to cover unforeseen circumstances during retirement.
7. Review and Adjust: Regularly review your retirement plan and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards your goals. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and support.
Conclusion:
With disciplined saving, strategic investing, and careful planning, you can achieve your goal of retiring in the next 10 years. Stay focused on your retirement objectives and make informed decisions to ensure a financially secure future.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 12, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I have a monthly income of 1.4 lacs. Have 62 Lacs in FD, 5 Lacs in PF and about 5 lacs in equity. I spend about 40 k per month. How can I plan my retirement. Please suggest. Thanks.
Ans: Given your current financial situation, planning for retirement requires a strategic approach to ensure financial security in your golden years. Let's outline a retirement plan tailored to your needs:

Assess Retirement Needs: Start by estimating your expected expenses during retirement. Consider factors such as healthcare costs, living expenses, travel, and leisure activities. Be realistic in your estimations to ensure you have adequate funds to maintain your desired lifestyle.

Evaluate Current Assets: Take stock of your existing assets, including FDs, PF, and equity investments. Calculate their expected growth over time and factor in inflation to determine their future value. This assessment will provide a baseline for your retirement corpus.

Investment Strategy: Given your conservative investment approach with significant holdings in FDs and PF, consider diversifying your portfolio to optimize returns while managing risk. Allocate a portion of your portfolio to equity investments for long-term growth potential, balanced with fixed-income securities for stability.

Retirement Corpus Calculation: Determine the desired corpus needed to sustain your lifestyle during retirement. Factor in inflation, life expectancy, and potential healthcare expenses. Use online retirement calculators or consult with a Certified Financial Planner to arrive at a realistic target amount.

Savings and Investments: Maximize your savings by setting aside a portion of your monthly income specifically for retirement. Channel these savings into a mix of retirement-focused investments such as Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), National Pension System (NPS), and Mutual Funds tailored for retirement planning.

Regular Review and Adjustment: Regularly review your retirement plan to track progress towards your goals and make adjustments as needed. As you approach retirement age, gradually shift your portfolio towards more conservative investments to preserve capital and minimize risk.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months' worth of living expenses to cover unforeseen expenses or income disruptions during retirement.

Consult a Financial Planner: Consider seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized advice based on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and retirement timeline. They can help optimize your retirement plan and address any concerns or uncertainties you may have.

By following these steps and staying disciplined in your savings and investment approach, you can work towards building a substantial retirement corpus that will provide financial security and peace of mind in your retirement years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi i am 39 year old my in hand salary after tax is 51 lpm I have fixed deposit worth 80 lac ppf of 34 lac, I have own flat fully paid, mutual fund around 13 lac,10 lac emergency fund, my wife housewife and son is 3 year old, what can I do to plan my retirement my current yearly expense is around 9 lacs and I don't have any loan
Ans: Planning for retirement is crucial, and it's wonderful that you're thinking ahead. Let's create a comprehensive plan to ensure a comfortable and secure retirement for you and your family. I'll guide you through the steps and strategies needed, addressing various aspects of your financial situation.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You have a strong financial foundation, which is great. Your current financial assets include:

Fixed Deposit: Rs. 80 lakh
PPF: Rs. 34 lakh
Mutual Funds: Rs. 13 lakh
Emergency Fund: Rs. 10 lakh
Fully Paid Flat
Your annual expenses are Rs. 9 lakh, and you have no loans. With these details in mind, we can create a solid retirement plan.

Setting Retirement Goals
First, let's set clear retirement goals. This includes determining the age you wish to retire, estimating your post-retirement expenses, and accounting for inflation.

Retirement Age: Let's assume you plan to retire at 60.
Post-Retirement Expenses: Estimating your expenses to increase with inflation, let's assume Rs. 12 lakh annually.
Your current expenses of Rs. 9 lakh will likely increase over time due to inflation. Planning for increased expenses ensures you won't fall short of funds during retirement.

Building a Retirement Corpus
To ensure a comfortable retirement, you need to build a substantial retirement corpus. Given your current financial assets and future goals, let's discuss how to achieve this.

Mutual Funds: A Key Investment
Mutual funds are a crucial part of your investment strategy. They offer diversification, professional management, and the potential for higher returns. Let's explore the categories of mutual funds and their benefits:

1. Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks. They have the potential for high returns but come with higher risk.

2. Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in bonds and fixed income securities. They are safer but offer lower returns compared to equity funds.

3. Balanced or Hybrid Funds
These funds invest in both equity and debt, providing a balance of risk and return.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Mutual funds spread investments across various assets, reducing risk.
Professional Management: Experts manage your investments, aiming for the best returns.
Liquidity: You can easily buy or sell mutual fund units.
Compounding: Reinvesting returns can lead to significant growth over time.
Risk and Power of Compounding
Mutual funds come with market risks. However, long-term investments usually balance out short-term market fluctuations. The power of compounding significantly boosts your corpus over time. By reinvesting your returns, your money grows faster.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
While index funds track market indices and come with lower fees, they lack the active management that can potentially outperform the market. Direct funds may save on commissions, but investing through a certified financial planner (CFP) provides valuable guidance and better fund selection.

Investing in Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, chosen by an experienced CFP, often outperform index funds. A CFP’s expertise helps in selecting funds tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Structuring Your Investments
Now, let's structure your investments to build a robust retirement corpus.

Emergency Fund
You already have a Rs. 10 lakh emergency fund. Keep this in a liquid or ultra-short-term debt fund to ensure quick access.

Fixed Deposits and PPF
Your fixed deposit and PPF are safe investments. However, their returns may not outpace inflation in the long term. Consider moving a portion into higher-yielding investments like mutual funds.

Diversifying Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Diversification is key. Spread your investments across various mutual funds:

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for higher returns.
Debt Funds: Invest in debt funds for stability and income.
Balanced Funds: Include balanced funds to mitigate risk while aiming for growth.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Investing through SIPs ensures disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging. This strategy reduces the impact of market volatility.

Reviewing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures your investments stay aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. A CFP can provide ongoing guidance and adjustments.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning maximizes your returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments and plan withdrawals to minimize tax liabilities.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage:

Life Insurance: Protect your family’s future with sufficient life insurance.
Health Insurance: Adequate health insurance covers medical emergencies without draining your savings.
Retirement Income Streams
Plan for multiple income streams during retirement:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Use SWPs from mutual funds for regular income.
Dividends: Invest in dividend-paying funds or stocks.
Part-Time Work: Consider part-time work or consultancy for additional income.
Estate Planning
Estate planning ensures your assets are distributed as per your wishes. Prepare a will and consider trusts for efficient transfer of wealth.

Final Insights
Planning for retirement involves a multi-faceted approach. By diversifying your investments, utilizing mutual funds, and planning for tax efficiency, you can build a substantial retirement corpus. Regular reviews and adjustments with a CFP ensure you stay on track to achieve your retirement goals.

Conclusion
Planning your retirement requires careful consideration of various factors. By following the outlined strategies, you can ensure a comfortable and secure retirement for you and your family. Regularly consulting with a CFP will help you stay on track and make informed decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Money
Hello , My age is 48 years, monthly income is approx. 1.5 lakh, I have no loan and any liability. I have 3 lakh in Shares , approx 30 lakh in PPF, 35 lakh in FDR , approx 3 lakh in saving., 60 lakh in NPS and Rs 48000/- per month NPS contribution, 5 lakh in SGB, what will my financial plan for retirement income of 2.5 lakh- per month
Ans: At the age of 48, your financial portfolio is quite diversified. Your monthly income of Rs 1.5 lakh is a strong base, and you’ve been diligent in saving across various instruments. Let’s break down your assets to understand your current financial standing:

Shares: Rs 3 lakh

PPF: Rs 30 lakh

FDR: Rs 35 lakh

Savings: Rs 3 lakh

NPS: Rs 60 lakh with a monthly contribution of Rs 48,000

SGB: Rs 5 lakh

With no liabilities or loans, you’re in a favourable position to plan for your retirement. Your goal of achieving a retirement income of Rs 2.5 lakh per month is ambitious, yet achievable with careful planning and strategic investments.

Assessing Your Retirement Goals
Retiring with a monthly income of Rs 2.5 lakh requires substantial planning. Here’s what you need to consider:

Inflation: Over the next few years, inflation will erode the purchasing power of your money. A monthly income of Rs 2.5 lakh today might need to be much higher by the time you retire.

Life Expectancy: Considering an average life expectancy of 80 years, your retirement plan should be robust enough to last for at least 30-35 years.

Healthcare Costs: With age, healthcare expenses will increase. It’s essential to allocate funds specifically for medical emergencies.

Lifestyle: If you plan to maintain or even enhance your current lifestyle, your retirement corpus should be sizeable enough to support this.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Your investments are spread across different instruments, each with its benefits and limitations. Let’s evaluate them:

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Advantages: PPF is a safe investment with a decent interest rate, and it’s tax-free.

Limitations: The lock-in period and the maximum contribution limit restrict how much you can invest.

Recommendation: Continue contributing to PPF, but don’t rely on it solely for retirement. PPF will provide stability, but it won’t be enough to meet your Rs 2.5 lakh per month target.

Fixed Deposit Receipts (FDR)
Advantages: FDs offer guaranteed returns and are a safe investment option.

Limitations: The interest rates on FDs are often lower than inflation, leading to a decrease in real returns over time.

Recommendation: While FDs are good for short-term goals and emergencies, they shouldn’t be your primary retirement investment. Consider reallocating a portion of this into higher-return investments.

National Pension Scheme (NPS)
Advantages: NPS is a robust retirement savings tool, offering market-linked returns and tax benefits.

Limitations: NPS has restrictions on withdrawals and requires annuitisation at maturity, which might reduce liquidity.

Recommendation: Continue your contributions to NPS, but plan for how you’ll manage the annuity phase. The lump-sum withdrawal option should be carefully managed.

Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB)
Advantages: SGBs offer a safe way to invest in gold with an interest component.

Limitations: Gold is typically seen as a hedge rather than a primary investment for income generation.

Recommendation: Keep SGBs as part of your diversified portfolio but avoid over-investing in gold. It’s more of a safety net than a growth tool.

Shares
Advantages: Equities can provide high returns and help in wealth accumulation.

Limitations: Shares are volatile and require careful management to avoid losses.

Recommendation: Your equity investment is relatively low. Consider gradually increasing your exposure to equities through mutual funds or systematic investment plans (SIPs) for long-term growth.

Strategic Rebalancing of Your Portfolio
To meet your retirement goal of Rs 2.5 lakh per month, you’ll need to rebalance your portfolio strategically. Here’s how you can do it:

Increase Equity Exposure
Reason: Equities have the potential to outpace inflation and generate significant returns over the long term.

Action: Consider investing in diversified equity mutual funds or SIPs. Over the next 10-12 years, this will help build a robust corpus.

Maximise NPS Benefits
Reason: NPS is tax-efficient and offers good returns, especially with equity exposure.

Action: Continue your Rs 48,000 monthly contribution. At retirement, plan to manage the withdrawal carefully, considering both the annuity and lump-sum options.

Reduce Fixed Deposit Allocation
Reason: FDs offer lower returns compared to other investment options.

Action: Gradually shift a portion of your FD savings into equity or balanced mutual funds. This will help grow your corpus faster.

Maintain a Balanced Portfolio
Reason: Diversification reduces risk and ensures stability.

Action: Keep a mix of equities, debt, gold, and NPS. This balanced approach will protect you against market volatility while ensuring growth.

Planning for Healthcare and Contingencies
Healthcare is a significant concern during retirement. Here’s how you can prepare:

Emergency Fund: Maintain at least 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in liquid savings for emergencies.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance coverage. Consider a top-up plan if needed.

Medical Corpus: Set aside a dedicated corpus for healthcare. This could be in the form of a health savings account or a specific investment geared towards medical expenses.

Ensuring a Steady Retirement Income
To achieve a retirement income of Rs 2.5 lakh per month, consider the following strategies:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Advantages: SWP from mutual funds allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly while the rest of your investment continues to grow.

Action: Set up SWPs from your equity and debt mutual funds. This will provide you with a steady income while ensuring your corpus continues to work for you.

Annuities and Pensions
Advantages: Annuities provide a guaranteed income for life.

Limitations: Annuities can have lower returns compared to other investments and may not keep pace with inflation.

Action: Use a portion of your NPS maturity amount to purchase an annuity for guaranteed income. However, balance this with other investments to ensure inflation-adjusted growth.

Realigning Investments Closer to Retirement
Reason: As you approach retirement, reducing exposure to high-risk investments is crucial.

Action: Gradually shift from equity to more stable debt instruments or balanced funds as you near retirement. This will protect your corpus from market volatility.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, with diversified investments and no liabilities. However, to achieve your goal of a Rs 2.5 lakh monthly income during retirement, you’ll need to make strategic adjustments to your portfolio.

Here are the key takeaways:

Increase Equity Exposure: Focus on long-term growth through diversified equity mutual funds or SIPs. This will help build the corpus you need.

Maximise NPS: Continue your contributions and plan for strategic withdrawals at retirement.

Reduce Fixed Deposits: Shift from low-return FDs to higher-yield investments like mutual funds or equities.

Maintain a Balanced Portfolio: Ensure diversification to reduce risk while maintaining growth.

Plan for Healthcare: Set aside a dedicated medical corpus and ensure you have adequate health insurance.

Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs): This will provide a steady retirement income while keeping your investments growing.

Consider Annuities: Use part of your NPS maturity to purchase an annuity for guaranteed income, but don’t rely solely on it.

Realign Investments Closer to Retirement: Gradually reduce risk as you approach retirement to protect your corpus.

By carefully planning and making these adjustments, you can achieve your retirement goal and enjoy a comfortable, worry-free retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |678 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |678 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hi Madam, I'm 60,retired, my wife is 47, our son is 23. I had love marriage and was leading a happy married life. Just after silver jubilee of our wedding anniversary I accidentally came to know that my wife is madly in love with one of our common married friend who runs a simple shop. Upon investigation I found that they are in relation for last 12 years and were enjoying sex in my own house for such a long time. He hails from an uneducated family and is not even cultured. I could not believe that the wife of a highly educated socially respected man could do this with a shopkeeper who does not have any socio economic status. I am living a normal life with my wife for the sake of our only child. Once he settles in life I have decided to end my life. Ofcourse I still love her as ours was a love marriage. I seek your wise suggestion in this regard, should I divorce her or live a normal life that we are doing?
Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
If she doesn't, then you need to make her aware and yes, do ask her whether she is interested at all in the marriage. That will give you an idea as to whether things are worth fighting for or is it best to walk away!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x