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Should I clear my loans or invest my money?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7256 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2024Hindi
Money

Iam retired state govt employee I will draw pension of Rs.58000 and will get lumsum of 5600000 beside I will get rent of 75000. Housing loan of 4000000 and 1500000 gold loan EMI is 61500 including Insurance. Suggest whether I should clear the entire loans or invest properly

Ans: You have a clear income and debt structure. A pension of Rs. 58,000, rental income of Rs. 75,000, and a lump sum of Rs. 56 lakhs provide robust cash inflow. On the other side, you have two significant loans—a housing loan of Rs. 40 lakhs and a gold loan of Rs. 15 lakhs. Your monthly EMI of Rs. 61,500, including insurance, impacts your cash flow.

The decision to clear loans or invest requires analyzing multiple angles. Let's evaluate step by step.

Evaluating Loan Repayment
1. Interest Rates Analysis

Housing loans usually have lower interest rates, especially for retired government employees.
Gold loans generally carry higher interest rates than housing loans.
2. Tax Benefits

Housing loans provide tax deductions under Section 80C and 24(b).
Repaying the housing loan entirely removes this tax advantage.
3. Financial Comfort

Continuing EMIs ensures liquidity for other goals.
Clearing loans offers peace of mind and reduces financial obligations.
Investing the Lump Sum
1. Diversification for Safety and Growth

Divide the Rs. 56 lakhs into debt and equity investments.
Debt investments ensure safety and regular income.
Equity investments can provide long-term growth potential.
2. Focus on Debt-Free Retirement

Allocate funds to secure essential expenses post-retirement.
Retaining liquidity helps manage unforeseen expenses.
3. Tax-Effective Planning

Tax-efficient investments can optimize post-tax returns.
Consider long-term capital gains taxation for equity mutual funds.
Calculating Cash Flow Balance
1. Income vs. Expenses

Post-retirement income: Rs. 1.33 lakhs (pension + rent).
EMI obligation: Rs. 61,500.
Net disposable income: Rs. 71,500 (excluding insurance).
2. Post-Loans Scenario

Clearing loans reduces your outflows.
A debt-free position increases monthly savings.
Suggested Action Plan
Step 1: Addressing High-Interest Loan
Clear the gold loan as it has higher interest rates.
Reducing this burden improves monthly cash flow.
Step 2: Partial Housing Loan Repayment
Consider a partial prepayment of the housing loan.
This will reduce EMIs and interest outgo.
Step 3: Allocate Remaining Funds to Investments
Create a balanced portfolio with equity and debt investments.
Ensure it aligns with your risk appetite and goals.
Step 4: Emergency Fund Creation
Keep 6–12 months’ expenses as an emergency fund.
Park this amount in a liquid or ultra-short-term debt fund.
Step 5: Insurance and Legacy Planning
Review your insurance coverage for adequacy.
Plan for wealth transfer to ensure family financial security.
Benefits of Investing Through Regular Funds with a Certified Financial Planner
Regular funds provide guided expertise for financial goals.
Certified Financial Planners ensure disciplined investment strategies.
They monitor your portfolio and make necessary adjustments.
Direct funds lack personalized advice, leading to uninformed decisions.

Insights on Index Funds
Index funds mimic market indices but lack active management.
They cannot outperform markets during corrections.
Actively managed funds adapt to market trends for better returns.
Final Insights
Combining debt repayment with smart investments creates financial stability. Clearing the gold loan reduces high-interest liabilities. Partly repaying the housing loan offers balance between liquidity and debt reduction. Investing the remaining lump sum ensures future growth and income stability.

Collaborating with a Certified Financial Planner ensures tailored financial strategies. Their expertise aligns your financial decisions with long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7256 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir, I am 36, in hand salary is 2.4 lakhs per month(including rental) I have 2 properties 1st current market value 2.2cr outstanding loan 40 lakhs 2nd. 60 lakh outstanding loan of 28 lakhs(taking tax benefit on this). Apart from this I personally have 0 savings in cash. My wife is housewife. At current market value we will have roughly 60 lakhs of gold. Recently bought a car on loan with emi of 35k. My monthly emi outflow is 1.1 lakh with roughly 1 lakh as additional monthly expense. Whatever I am able to save currently I am using it to pay of my Housing loan no.1. Need your suggestion on financial planning & decision that I should take in future
Ans: Given your financial situation, it's important to prioritize debt management, savings, and investment planning to achieve your long-term financial goals. Here are some tailored suggestions:

Debt Management:
Continue prioritizing the repayment of your housing loans. Focus on clearing high-interest debt first, such as the outstanding loan on Property 1.
Explore options to accelerate debt repayment, such as allocating any surplus income towards loan prepayments.
Review the terms of your car loan and consider refinancing if possible to reduce the monthly EMI burden.

Emergency Fund:
Establish an emergency fund equivalent to at least 6-12 months of your household expenses. This fund will provide a financial buffer in case of unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.
Set aside a portion of your monthly income towards building this fund gradually, even while repaying loans.

Savings and Investments:
Once you have built an emergency fund, allocate a portion of your income towards systematic savings and investments.
Consider investing in tax-efficient instruments like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to optimize tax benefits while generating potential long-term returns.

Diversify your investment portfolio across asset classes such as equity, debt, and gold to mitigate risk and enhance overall returns.

Insurance Coverage:
Review your existing insurance coverage, including life, health, and property insurance, to ensure adequate protection for your family and assets.
Consider purchasing term insurance policies to provide financial security to your dependents in the event of any unforeseen circumstances.

Financial Planning:
Engage the services of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to develop a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your specific goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.
Work with your financial planner to set clear objectives, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth accumulation, and devise a strategy to achieve them systematically.

Budgeting and Expense Management:
Track your monthly expenses diligently to identify areas where you can optimize spending and redirect savings towards debt repayment and investments.
Create a realistic budget that accounts for all essential expenses, loan repayments, savings, and discretionary spending.

Future Financial Goals:
Define your long-term financial goals, such as retirement planning, children's education, and wealth creation, and allocate resources accordingly.
Regularly review your financial plan with your spouse and adjust strategies as needed based on changing circumstances and priorities.

By adopting a disciplined approach to debt management, savings, and investment planning, you can gradually improve your financial health and work towards achieving your long-term financial objectives. Consulting with a qualified financial advisor or planner can provide valuable guidance and support in navigating complex financial decisions and optimizing your overall financial well-being.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7256 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

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I am male 48 & My wife is 44. Our combined income is 2.4 lpm. Our expenses is almost 2.7 lpm including Home loan emi of 70k. Investment is 70kpm. Should I close Home loan 13 lakh outstanding (23 instalments) and divert the emi amount in savings? Or should I invest the lumsum 13 lakh in SWP?
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Your combined income is Rs 2.4 lakhs per month. Your expenses are Rs 2.7 lakhs, including a Rs 70,000 home loan EMI. You’re also investing Rs 70,000 per month. This shows strong financial discipline, but the gap between income and expenses is concerning.

Evaluating the Home Loan Repayment
You have Rs 13 lakhs outstanding on your home loan with 23 installments left. Paying off this loan early has both pros and cons.

Benefits of Repaying the Loan Early:

Interest Savings: You save on the interest you would have paid over the remaining installments.

Debt-Free Living: Being debt-free can reduce financial stress. It also frees up Rs 70,000 per month.

Drawbacks of Early Repayment:

Opportunity Cost: You might miss out on potential higher returns if you invested this amount.

Liquidity Impact: Using Rs 13 lakhs to close the loan reduces your liquid savings.

Considering the SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan)
Investing Rs 13 lakhs in a SWP can provide regular income and potential capital appreciation. However, it’s essential to understand the pros and cons.

Benefits of SWP:

Regular Income: You get a steady income stream, which can supplement your monthly cash flow.

Capital Growth: Your investment has the potential to grow, giving you more value in the long term.

Drawbacks of SWP:

Market Risk: The returns depend on market performance, which can fluctuate.

Not Debt-Free: You’ll continue paying the home loan EMI, which could strain your cash flow if the market underperforms.

Cash Flow and Expense Management
Your current expenses exceed your income by Rs 30,000. This is manageable now, but it’s not sustainable in the long run.

Prioritize Debt Repayment: Paying off the home loan can reduce your monthly outgoings by Rs 70,000, giving you breathing room.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least six months of expenses.

Deciding Between Loan Repayment and SWP
Your decision should align with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

If You Prioritize Security:

Repay the Home Loan: This eliminates a significant monthly expense and provides peace of mind. It also improves your monthly cash flow by Rs 70,000, which you can then redirect towards savings or investments.
If You Prioritize Potential Growth:

Invest in SWP: This can provide regular income and the possibility of higher returns. However, be prepared for market fluctuations and ensure you have a backup plan if the returns are lower than expected.
Final Insights
Given your current situation, repaying the home loan could be a safer option. It will reduce your monthly expenses, eliminate debt, and provide more flexibility in your finances. If you prefer taking calculated risks, consider the SWP option but ensure you have a solid plan to manage your cash flow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7256 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Money
My age is 48 and iam earning 2 lacs per month and rental income is 25k My emi home.loa. is.41000 loan for next 20 years Car loan emi is 16000 for average 7 years Fd i have around 30 lacs Ppf 5 lacs I have sip in equity for 15000.per.month mf is 3.90.lacs today. Ppf i have 3 lacs I have 2 kids daughter is 18 and son is 10 yrs. I have health insurance 15 lacs Term.insurance 30 lacs I have private job. Planning to work til 58. Pleaee advice on investments, debts etc..
Ans: You have a stable income, disciplined savings, and manageable loans. Planning for the next 10 years with a focus on debt reduction, investments, and child education is critical.

Current Income and Expenses
1. Monthly Income and Commitments

Salary: Rs. 2,00,000
Rental Income: Rs. 25,000
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 41,000
Car Loan EMI: Rs. 16,000
2. Savings Overview

FD: Rs. 30 Lakhs
PPF: Rs. 5 Lakhs (including Rs. 3 Lakhs new)
SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 15,000 monthly, current corpus Rs. 3.9 Lakhs
Goals Assessment
1. Child Education

Your daughter (18 years) will need higher education support soon.

Start estimating costs and align investments accordingly.

Your son (10 years) has 7-8 years for higher education planning.

2. Retirement Planning

You plan to retire at 58 years.
Your income will stop, but expenses and goals like child marriage will remain.
3. Debt Management

Home Loan EMI is Rs. 41,000 for 20 years, requiring long-term commitment.
Car Loan EMI is Rs. 16,000 for the next 7 years, increasing short-term outflow.
Recommendations for Investment
1. Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth

Increase SIPs to Rs. 25,000 monthly for a diversified equity mutual fund portfolio.
Include large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced growth.
Ensure you invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice.
2. Debt Mutual Funds for Stability

Shift a portion of FD to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Ensure at least 20% of your portfolio is in stable debt funds.
3. PPF Contributions

Continue PPF contributions for tax-saving benefits and risk-free returns.
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 Lakhs annually to utilise the full tax exemption.
Debt Management Strategies
1. Accelerate Home Loan Repayment

Use surplus income or maturing FDs to prepay the home loan.
Reducing tenure lowers overall interest outgo significantly.
2. Reassess Car Loan

Evaluate if car loan can be repaid earlier using your FDs.
This will free Rs. 16,000 monthly for investment or other priorities.
Child Education Planning
1. Create a Separate Education Fund

Start SIPs in hybrid or balanced advantage mutual funds for your daughter’s education.
For your son, invest in mid-cap and flexi-cap mutual funds for long-term growth.
2. Use Debt Funds for Near-Term Needs

For education expenses in the next 2-3 years, use debt mutual funds or FDs.
Avoid equity funds for short-term needs due to market volatility.
Insurance Review
1. Health Insurance

Your health cover of Rs. 15 Lakhs is good.
Add a super top-up policy to increase coverage to Rs. 25-30 Lakhs.
2. Term Insurance

Current term cover of Rs. 30 Lakhs may be insufficient.
Increase it to Rs. 1 Crore to protect your family’s financial future.
Tax Efficiency Planning
1. Optimise Deductions

Use the full Rs. 1.5 Lakhs limit under Section 80C through PPF and ELSS.
Claim home loan interest deductions under Section 24(b).
2. Plan Mutual Fund Redemptions

Be mindful of the new mutual fund capital gains tax rules.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liability.
Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but you must focus on efficient planning. Prioritise debt reduction, increase SIP contributions, and optimise your portfolio. Separate education funds and ensure adequate insurance coverage. With these steps, you can achieve financial freedom by 58 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7256 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Money
Sir I have 1.8 Cr in mutual fund and 65 lacs in equity shares ,Sip of 55 thousand per month,Vpf 10000 per month,30 lacs in fd , 20 lac loan given to relative without interest will come in 2 to 3 years.20 lacs in pf, 1.8 lacs in ppf , one plot of value 3 cr and one plot of value 50 lacs with no rental income. I am doing business also and earning yearly approx 20 lacs and I have salary of 1.2 lacs. I am 40 years old and I have 2 kids one daughter 9 years old and son 4 years old. Let me know considering with no salary and so sip and no business now onward and no expenses also.how much corpus will I will get till age of 50 so I can get approx 3 lacs per months.is it workable with this corpus or I have to do more saving.
Ans: Your financial portfolio reflects thoughtful planning and diversification. Here is a breakdown:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 1.8 crore
Equity Shares: Rs. 65 lakhs
SIP: Rs. 55,000 monthly
VPF: Rs. 10,000 monthly
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 30 lakhs
Loan to Relative: Rs. 20 lakhs (to be returned in 2-3 years)
PF: Rs. 20 lakhs
PPF: Rs. 1.8 lakhs
Real Estate: Two plots valued at Rs. 3 crore and Rs. 50 lakhs
Your annual business income of Rs. 20 lakhs and monthly salary of Rs. 1.2 lakhs are also noteworthy. These provide a strong foundation for wealth creation.

You aim to retire at 50 and generate Rs. 3 lakhs per month as income. This requires meticulous planning, particularly if no SIPs or income contributions are made going forward.

Setting Your Financial Goals
Achieving a monthly income of Rs. 3 lakhs from age 50 implies an annual income requirement of Rs. 36 lakhs. To sustain this for a 30-year retirement, your portfolio should provide inflation-adjusted returns consistently.

Key Factors to Consider
Target Corpus: Based on a post-tax return of 6% per annum, you will need Rs. 6-7 crore to achieve this goal.
Inflation: Assume 6% inflation for cost of living adjustments over time.
Current Portfolio Growth: Project your existing assets’ growth over the next 10 years.
Projections of Current Assets
Mutual Funds
Rs. 1.8 crore is a strong equity-oriented asset.
Assuming an annual return of 10%, the corpus could grow to Rs. 4.67 crore in 10 years without additional contributions.
Equity Shares
Rs. 65 lakhs in equities has higher risk but potential for higher returns.
With a conservative annual growth of 8%, this can grow to Rs. 1.4 crore.
Fixed Deposits
Rs. 30 lakhs in FDs provides stability but low growth.
Assuming a 5% return, the corpus will grow to Rs. 49 lakhs.
Loan to Relative
Rs. 20 lakhs returned within 3 years can be reinvested.
Investing this amount in mutual funds with a 10% return for 7 years could yield Rs. 39 lakhs.
VPF, PF, and PPF
Total provident fund investments (Rs. 41.8 lakhs) provide safety and tax-free returns.
With annual contributions and 8% returns, this can grow to Rs. 1.05 crore.
Real Estate
The two plots worth Rs. 3 crore and Rs. 50 lakhs are non-earning.
Selling one and reinvesting in financial assets can improve cash flow.
Strategy for Achieving Your Retirement Goal
Step 1: Optimize Current Investments
Mutual Funds:

Continue SIPs of Rs. 55,000 for at least 3 years.
Ensure a balanced allocation across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Shift underperforming funds to better-managed schemes.
Avoid index funds, as actively managed funds provide superior returns.
Equity Shares:

Diversify into sectors with long-term growth potential.
Evaluate performance quarterly and consider reallocating underperforming stocks.
VPF and PPF:

Increase PPF contributions to the maximum limit for tax-free compounding.
VPF is a stable instrument; continue contributions.
Fixed Deposits:

Gradually reduce FD holdings.
Reallocate funds to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Step 2: Plan for Real Estate Monetization
Real estate is a significant portion of your wealth but non-earning.
Selling the Rs. 50 lakh plot and reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds or debt instruments can boost growth and liquidity.
Step 3: Build Contingency and Liquidity
Maintain Rs. 20 lakhs in liquid funds or FDs for emergencies.
This ensures you can handle unforeseen expenses without disrupting long-term investments.
Tax Efficiency Strategies
Equity and Mutual Funds:

Utilize tax-free thresholds for long-term capital gains.
Plan redemptions to minimize tax outflows.
Debt Investments:

Debt mutual funds are more tax-efficient than FDs. Shift gradually to reduce tax liabilities.
Addressing Key Risks
Inflation Risk
Allocate a significant portion of your portfolio to equity for inflation-adjusted growth.
Longevity Risk
Ensure your corpus lasts for 30+ years. Plan withdrawals conservatively.
Market Volatility
Diversify across asset classes to reduce risks.
Maintain a mix of equity, debt, and safe instruments like PPF.
Final Projections
By age 50, with no additional contributions:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 4.67 crore
Equity Shares: Rs. 1.4 crore
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 49 lakhs
Loan Returns: Rs. 39 lakhs
Provident Funds: Rs. 1.05 crore
Total Corpus: Rs. 7.6 crore (approximately)

Is This Corpus Sufficient?
Yes, this corpus can sustain a monthly withdrawal of Rs. 3 lakhs. However, it assumes disciplined withdrawals and minimal unexpected expenses.

Recommendations to Strengthen the Plan
Continue SIPs and contributions for at least 3 more years.
Monetize one real estate asset to improve liquidity and growth.
Rebalance your portfolio annually to align with market conditions and goals.
Final Insights
You are on track to achieve your retirement goals with your current assets. Regular reviews, disciplined investing, and strategic adjustments will ensure long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |461 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm came into a relationship after 2-3 months of having a breakup. It's been 1.5-2 years we are in a relationship I'm his first love. So he's very serious about me. But now as my ex called me a few time all these years & I didn't blocked him until last time my bf thinks I used him to overcome my past relationship & I never loved him. He's soo much hurt from me & he has given me one last chance to move on & not to hurt him again otherwise I'll lose him forever.. other than my relationship I have also hurted him way too much I didn't understood his needs of affection & love he never asks me for anything nothing at all for sharing emotions or anything... He's himself struggling with a lot of things in his life... & I have made many mistakes I have hurted him soo much... I'm in a lot of guilt now... That bcoz of me he's hurt & now I can't do anything I just want him to be alright but idk how... I have this last chance to keep my relationship alive, I just want him to be okay... It's hurting me remembering my past & it's hurting me more that I have hurted someone who truly unconditionally loved me...????????
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry to see you so conflicted. I am not completely certain what went down between you two but in general, a good and honest conversation can help in such situations. Since you mentioned hurting him by not understanding his needs, I recommend you to focus more on communication. Ask him about his love language- what would make him happy, what he expects from you, what you could expect from him, and more. This way, there will be clarity. I am sure you did nothing to hurt him intentionally. Please be strong; this is just a fleeting issue.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |461 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Myself and a guy came to know each other through an online friendly chat app.It's been 7 months we are talking on calls and video calls.From the beginning he was interested to marry me n i saw him as a good friend.Later my feelings turned into love towards him.But,he has a past which he told me in the beginning and said that his ex girlfriend of 1 year whom he know through online has married another guy n left him.I thought he has no feelings towards his ex gf.But,after i developed feelings for him n having clearly told that i love him..he gets his ex gf topic saying they used to talk hours n hours n now he is not able to be with me the same way.He even says she loved him a lot n is unable to forget her love.He says she used to call him always n talk and i am talking only when he calls..he is comparing my love with her.I feeling bad..When i asked before he told he has no feelings on his ex gf but now seems different.He even told me that she is trying to get divorced from her husband n has called him once too.I told about my love to my parents too n they agreed for our marriage.Now i am feeling bad..what should i do?..cut off all ties with him or go a head.Please suggest.I am 24 and he is 25 yrs old
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, have you met this person in real life? A lot of true love stories start online, but it is very important to meet face-to-face before making any commitments. Secondly, not being able to forget his ex can either be the truth or a ploy to end this relationship with you. Either way, it seems like a zone of conflict and I would like to remind you that you deserve better. I know you love him but don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and only you? Would you really like to be with someone who treats you like an option and draws comparisons with the ex? I suggest you rethink the relationship.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Dr Ashish, How do I get my 14 year old teenage son to talk to me? He talks less, is either angry or grumpy and rarely discusses anything at home with anyone. Is this behaviour normal? He used to be a talkative child when he was younger. How can I help?
Ans: Let me reassure you that you’re not alone in facing this challenge, and what you describe is quite common in teenagers. The teenage years are a time of immense internal transformation. It's as if your son is building a new version of himself, one brick at a time, and sometimes, in that process, he may feel the need to pull away to figure things out.

You see, as children grow, their world expands. Their focus shifts from being family-centered to exploring who they are in the larger world. This doesn't mean he cares any less about you; it simply means he’s working on something deep within himself—maybe even trying to understand emotions and situations he doesn’t yet have the words for.

Now, instead of trying to make him talk, which might feel like pressure to him, consider this: how can you create an environment where he wants to open up? Imagine if, instead of asking direct questions or expressing concern, you shared a small, non-threatening piece of your world. Maybe a funny story about your day or a memory of when you were his age. Sometimes, starting with something light gives him permission to engage without feeling interrogated.

Another way to open doors is through shared experiences. Teenagers often speak more freely when they're not face-to-face. Maybe a walk or a ride, cooking a meal together, or even playing a video game could become moments where he feels comfortable talking.

And when he does speak, no matter how small the opening, meet him with curiosity, not judgment. If he shares something, reflect it back to him in a way that says, "I hear you, and I value what you're saying." For example, if he mentions feeling frustrated, you could say, "It sounds like something’s been tough for you lately," rather than jumping to advice.

Finally, remind yourself—and him—this is a phase, not a permanent state. He is still that talkative child deep inside, but right now, he's learning to balance his need for independence with the safety of your love. Your steady presence, even when he seems distant, will be his anchor.

You’re already asking the right question, and that shows how much you care. Trust the process, and trust your connection. It’s still there, even in the quiet moments.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am 50 yrs male married for last 20 yrs, facing domestic abuse mentally, physically from my wife, she is extremely aggressive and use foul language in front of our 13 yrs daughter, family members, friends, maid, driver... she is keep blaming me if anything went wrong be it is financial, Social and economical . She always blame my parents with very abusive language.. she always say negative things in front of my family members for all the things which went wrong due to her extraordinary aggressive and abusive behavior, she always make issues out of normal conversation.. she is also working. She doesn't talk and whenever i try to ignore her, she physically abusive and use foul language with me.. i am trying to adjust with her for the sake of my daughter future. She is very negative, if i try to help her, she will start shouting and use abusive language and start physically abusive towards me I don't know how deal with strange behavior... I am confused and worried, but due family, daughter and society i am tolerating her. Pls help and suggest best possible solutions
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Has this started more recently or has it been going on for a while now? This is a good indicator to know if things were most;y like this or if any recent event has triggered this.
If it is a recent thing, I guess you could try and find out what exactly could have caused this. But if it is something that has been happening for a long time, the reasons could be any and many. Since there is also some physical abuse as you mentioned, kindly make an appointment with a professional who will be able to guide your wife through this challenging time. It possibly involves some unresolved things from the past which is making life currently difficult for all of you.
Work as a family unit together for her and not against her. It's going to make matters worse. She may refuse to go to a professional, then the only option left is for you to develop a lot of patience and deal with this adult to adult with her. No fights, quarrels with her but a lot of quiet conversations which she will initially resist but someday she will give in...So if you want the family to get back together in a healthy way, a lot also depends on how you are going to deal with the situation.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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