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25-Year-Old Earning 50k/Month: How to Allocate Mutual Funds?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 23, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Hello im 25 yrs old currently earning 50k per month and investing 10 k in large cap for the view of next 30 yrs , advice me to allocate my mutual funds properly and thinking to increase investment in midcap and small from next year from 10 k to total 25 k in all funds

Ans: You’re currently investing Rs. 10,000 per month in a large-cap mutual fund with a 30-year horizon. This is a commendable approach for wealth creation, as large-cap funds offer stability and consistent growth. However, given your long-term horizon, there’s room to diversify further to maximize returns.

You’re considering increasing your investment to Rs. 25,000 per month, including allocations to mid-cap and small-cap funds. This is a smart move, as it will add growth potential to your portfolio. Let’s evaluate and suggest a proper allocation.

Benefits of Diversifying Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Stability with Large-Cap Funds: Large-cap funds form the foundation of your portfolio. These funds invest in established companies with a proven track record. They offer stability and moderate returns, which is crucial for long-term wealth building.

Growth Potential with Mid-Cap Funds: Mid-cap funds invest in companies with the potential to become tomorrow’s large caps. They offer a higher growth potential compared to large-cap funds. Including mid-cap funds will enhance your portfolio’s growth prospects over the next 30 years.

High Returns with Small-Cap Funds: Small-cap funds carry the highest risk but also the potential for the highest returns. These funds invest in smaller companies with the potential for exponential growth. Given your young age and long investment horizon, allocating a portion to small-cap funds could significantly boost your overall returns.

Suggested Allocation Strategy
With your plan to invest Rs. 25,000 per month, here’s a suggested allocation:

Large-Cap Funds (40%): Continue investing Rs. 10,000 per month in large-cap funds. This will maintain the stability of your portfolio while providing steady growth.

Mid-Cap Funds (35%): Allocate Rs. 8,750 per month to mid-cap funds. This will give your portfolio a balanced mix of stability and growth potential.

Small-Cap Funds (25%): Invest Rs. 6,250 per month in small-cap funds. This allocation provides exposure to high-growth opportunities while balancing risk.

Benefits of Increasing Your Investment
Compounding Effect: Increasing your investment from Rs. 10,000 to Rs. 25,000 per month will significantly enhance the power of compounding over 30 years. This is crucial for building a substantial corpus.

Risk Mitigation: By diversifying across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, you mitigate the risks associated with market volatility. This diversified approach ensures that your portfolio can withstand market fluctuations while still growing steadily.

Long-Term Wealth Creation: A well-diversified portfolio, coupled with consistent investment, will help you achieve your financial goals. Over 30 years, this strategy can lead to substantial wealth creation, securing your financial future.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
It’s essential to monitor your portfolio regularly. Markets and personal circumstances change over time. You should review your investments at least once a year to ensure they are on track.

Annual Review: Conduct an annual review of your mutual fund portfolio. This will help you assess the performance and make necessary adjustments.

Rebalancing: Over time, certain funds may outperform others, leading to an imbalance in your portfolio. Rebalancing ensures that your portfolio stays aligned with your risk profile and long-term goals.

Considering SIP Top-Ups
You’re starting with Rs. 25,000 per month, but as your income grows, consider increasing your SIP amount. Many fund houses offer SIP top-up options, allowing you to increase your SIP amount periodically. This is a great way to ensure that your investments keep pace with your income growth.

Tax Efficiency and Planning
Equity Funds and Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity mutual funds are taxed at 10% for gains exceeding Rs. 1 lakh in a financial year. Keep this in mind while planning your withdrawals.

Tax-Saving Funds: If you’re looking to save on taxes, you could consider allocating a small portion of your investment to Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS). These funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C and have a mandatory lock-in period of three years.

Final Insights
You’re on the right path by planning to increase your investment and diversify your portfolio. By carefully allocating your SIPs across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, you’re setting yourself up for long-term success. Regular monitoring, rebalancing, and considering SIP top-ups will help you stay on track and achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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Dear sir, I am 36. I am investing 25k SIP every month for last 5 months in 9 mutual funds, 1. UTI nifty 50, 2. HDFC balanced advantage fund, 3. HDFC mid cap, 4. Quant mid cap, 5. Kotak tax saver fund, 6 Noppon india small cap fund, 7. Mirae Asset mid cap fund, 8. Prag parikh flexy cap fun, 9. SBI mid cap & large cap fund. Can you please help me with your advice if i am doing right ot i need to make changes and also can you please suggest how much amount i should allocate each fund? Thanks for your valuable time and your advice in advance.
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach to investing, especially at the age of 36. Investing through SIPs in mutual funds is a smart way to build wealth over the long term. Let's assess your current investment strategy and see if any adjustments are needed.

Firstly, investing in nine mutual funds might be excessive and could lead to over-diversification. Managing too many funds can be challenging and may not necessarily lead to better returns. It's generally recommended to have a focused portfolio with a smaller number of well-chosen funds.

Secondly, your portfolio seems to have a tilt towards mid-cap and small-cap funds, which can be riskier compared to large-cap funds. While these funds have the potential for higher returns, they also come with increased volatility. It's essential to ensure that your portfolio aligns with your risk tolerance and investment goals.

As a Certified Financial Planner, I suggest streamlining your portfolio by consolidating your investments into fewer funds that cover a broader spectrum of the market. Consider retaining one or two well-performing funds from each category (large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, etc.) to achieve diversification while keeping things manageable.

Regarding allocation, it's crucial to align your investments with your risk profile and financial goals. A common approach is to allocate a higher percentage to large-cap funds for stability and then allocate smaller portions to mid-cap and small-cap funds for growth potential. However, the exact allocation would depend on factors like your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and overall financial situation.

I recommend consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can conduct a detailed analysis of your financial goals and risk profile to provide personalized advice on asset allocation and fund selection.

In conclusion, while your initiative to invest through SIPs is commendable, refining your portfolio and asset allocation can optimize your returns and reduce unnecessary complexity.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
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i have a monthly budget of 5000 to invest in mutual funds. Should i invest 5000 in one mutual fund or break it into 2000 for large cap, 2000 for flexi cap and 1000 for elss tax scheme?
Ans: Let’s explore the best way to allocate your Rs 5,000 monthly investment in mutual funds.

Evaluating Single Fund vs. Diversified Investment
Investing in One Mutual Fund
Pros:

Simplicity: Easier to manage a single fund.
Focus: Concentrated investment can maximise growth in one area.
Lower Costs: Reduces transaction fees and administrative costs.
Cons:

Higher Risk: All eggs in one basket increases risk.
Limited Diversification: Less spread across sectors and asset classes.
Investing in Multiple Mutual Funds
Pros:

Diversification: Reduces risk by spreading across different funds.
Balanced Growth: Different funds perform differently, balancing returns.
Flexibility: Ability to adjust individual fund investments based on performance.
Cons:

Complexity: Managing multiple funds requires more attention.
Higher Costs: May incur higher transaction and management fees.
Diluted Focus: Smaller investments in each fund may reduce potential returns.
Recommended Allocation Strategy
Considering your budget and need for balanced growth, a diversified approach can be beneficial. Here's a suggested allocation:

Large Cap Fund (Rs 2,000):

Stability: Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies.
Consistent Returns: Generally offer stable and reliable returns.
Lower Risk: Less volatile compared to mid and small-cap funds.
Flexi Cap Fund (Rs 2,000):

Flexibility: Invests across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.
Growth Potential: Can capture growth opportunities in various market segments.
Risk Management: Balances between growth and stability.
ELSS Tax Scheme (Rs 1,000):

Tax Benefits: Offers tax deductions under Section 80C.
Long-Term Growth: Typically invests in equity, offering good returns over time.
Lock-In Period: Three-year lock-in period ensures disciplined investing.
Analytical Insights
Diversification Benefits:

Reduces overall portfolio risk.
Balances potential returns from different sectors.
Provides exposure to various market capitalisations.
Tax Efficiency:

ELSS investments offer dual benefits of tax savings and equity growth.
Helps in long-term wealth creation with tax advantages.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct Funds:

Lack of Guidance: No professional advice can lead to uninformed decisions.
Time-Consuming: Requires active management and research.
Higher Risk: Potentially higher risk without expert guidance.
Benefits of Regular Funds through CFP:

Expertise: Professional management ensures better decision-making.
Convenience: Saves time and effort on research and management.
Tailored Advice: Investments tailored to your risk profile and goals.
Final Insights
Investing Rs 5,000 across large cap, flexi cap, and ELSS funds is a prudent strategy. This approach balances risk and returns while providing tax benefits. Regular reviews and adjustments will help align with your financial goals. Consider investing through a Certified Financial Planner for professional guidance and risk management.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

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I am 53 years old and my name is loganathan.my earnings per month rs.25000. I have invested 20% of salary in mutual funds. Large cap 10%, small cap rs.10%,flexi cap 10% and remaining liquity funds. Is it right way or need any changes sir.
Ans: Loganathan, you are 53 years old and earn Rs. 25,000 per month. You invest 20% of your salary in mutual funds. Your current allocation is as follows:
• Large Cap: 10%
• Small Cap: 10%
• Flexi Cap: 10%
• Liquidity Funds: Remaining
Your dedication to investing is commendable. Let's review and suggest improvements.
Large Cap Mutual Funds
Benefits
• Lower risk compared to small cap funds
• Stability due to investment in established companies
Recommendation
• Keep your large cap allocation.
• Ensure the fund has a strong track record.
Small Cap Mutual Funds
Benefits
• High growth potential
• Higher returns over the long term
Risks
• Higher volatility
• Greater risk compared to large cap funds
Recommendation
• Continue with small cap investments.
• Ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance.
Flexi Cap Mutual Funds
Benefits
• Flexibility to invest across market caps
• Diversification within a single fund
Recommendation
• Flexi cap funds are a good choice.
• They provide balance and flexibility.
Liquidity Funds
Benefits
• Low risk and high liquidity
• Ideal for emergency funds
Recommendation
• Maintain liquidity funds for emergencies.
• Ensure easy access to these funds.
Suggested Changes
Balanced Portfolio
• Consider reallocating your investments.
• Balance between risk and stability.
Increase Large Cap Allocation
• Large cap funds offer stability.
• Consider increasing allocation to 20-25%.
Adjust Small Cap Allocation
• Small caps are riskier.
• Reduce allocation to 5-10%.
Maintain Flexi Cap Allocation
• Flexi caps offer flexibility.
• Maintain current 10% allocation.
Increase Liquidity Fund Allocation
• Ensure sufficient liquidity.
• Increase allocation to 20-30%.
Additional Considerations
Diversification
• Diversify across different asset classes.
• Reduces overall portfolio risk.
Professional Guidance
• Consult a Certified Financial Planner.
• Tailored advice based on your goals.
Regular Review
• Review your portfolio regularly.
• Adjust based on market conditions and life changes.
Long-Term Focus
• Focus on long-term growth.
• Avoid short-term market fluctuations.
Retirement Planning
Importance
• Retirement planning is crucial at your age.
• Ensure you have enough savings for retirement.
Pension Funds
• Consider investing in pension funds.
• Provides regular income post-retirement.
Health Insurance
• Ensure you have adequate health insurance.
• Covers medical emergencies without impacting savings.
Emergency Fund
Importance
• Keep an emergency fund.
• At least 6 months of expenses.
Liquid Assets
• Maintain liquidity in your portfolio.
• Use liquid funds or savings account.
Tax Planning
Tax-Saving Investments
• Invest in tax-saving instruments.
• Reduces tax liability and boosts savings.
ELSS Funds
• Consider Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS).
• Provides tax benefits under Section 80C.
Risk Management
Assess Risk Tolerance
• Understand your risk tolerance.
• Invest accordingly to avoid stress.
Diversify Investments
• Spread investments across various funds.
• Reduces risk and enhances returns.
Finally
Loganathan, your current investment strategy is good. However, slight adjustments can improve your portfolio. Increase your large cap and liquidity fund allocations. Reduce small cap exposure slightly. Maintain your flexi cap investments. Regularly review and consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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