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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 06, 2024

Colonel Sanjeev Govila (retd) is the founder of Hum Fauji Initiatives, a financial planning company dedicated to the armed forces personnel and their families.
He has over 12 years of experience in financial planning and is a SEBI certified registered investment advisor; he is also accredited with AMFI and IRDA.... more
Bhaiya Question by Bhaiya on May 13, 2023Hindi
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Hello Hardik Bhai I am at 54 years in MNC. My monthly take home ~ ₹1.4 lacs + I have 2 flats that fetch rental income of ₹ ~ 50000/-. PF accumulation is around 60 lacs. Have home emi of 61000/- monthly and I am in a government flat (my wife government employee she has another 7 years of service). Make all effort to ensure that her salary is not touched.. have a daughter at 22 years. Based on her academic appetite and success have earmarked ~50 lacs for her higher education. Have investment in equity 15 lacs worth and gold around 50 lacs. Assuming I retire in another 6-7 years, how much I should ensure monthly income to maintain a present standard of of life without dependency. Your views on mutual fund etc. will be appreciated.. Thanks

Ans: Considering your profile and aspirations, here's a strategic overview:-

1. Current Income and Assets:
Monthly take-home: ?1.4 lacs
Rental income: ?50,000/-
PF accumulation: ?60 lacs
Equity investment: ?15 lacs
Gold holdings: ?50 lacs
2. Liabilities:- Home EMI: ?61,000/-
3. Future Goals and Commitments:- Daughter's higher education fund: ?50 lacs
4. Retirement Plans:- Target retirement in 6-7 years

Considering your retirement goal, let's outline a strategic approach:-

Monthly Income Requirement:- Assess your current monthly expenses and lifestyle to determine the income needed to maintain your standard of living. Factor in inflation for accurate projections.

Investment Diversification:- Given your time horizon, consider a balanced portfolio across mutual funds, including equity and debt. Diversification helps manage risk.

PF Utilization:- Evaluate the possibility of utilizing PF wisely for retirement income. Understand withdrawal rules and tax implications.

Real Estate Planning:- Given your rental income and property assets, review their potential for contributing to your retirement income.

Daughter's Education Fund:- Ensure your earmarked amount aligns with the expected cost of her education. Consider investment options with a medium-term horizon.

Risk Management:- Review your insurance coverage, including health and life insurance, to safeguard against unforeseen circumstances.

Financial Planner Consultation:- Engage with a certified financial advisor to create a detailed retirement plan. They can tailor strategies based on your unique situation and goals.

It's essential to periodically review and adjust your plan based on evolving circumstances. Connect with your financial planner for goal-based planning and a detailed explanation tailored to your unique situation.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am 34 earning 3 lacs per month. I have been investing in Mutual funds from past 7 years and from pass 3 years I have reached and investing 1.6 lacs per month in Mutual funds. In next 10 years I want to have an automatic income of about 3 lacs per month. Can you advise how is it possible. I am investing in Mirae emerging asset, DSP, axis long term quity, parag pariek flexi cap, HDFC mic cap, HDFC Top 100, Nippon, SBi (small cap) Please advise the mutual fund I should invest and the amount to get an income of 3 lacs per month in next 7-10 years Also, i have bought a house for 1.5 cr. Have paid about 25 lacs from my investments already. Planning to pay about 70% as down payment in the next 3-4 years and 30 % loan. Is that a wise decision. Please advise
Ans: It's impressive to see your commitment to investing and your ambitious goal of generating a passive income of 3 lakhs per month in the next decade. With your current investment capacity and timeframe, achieving this target is feasible, but it requires careful planning and strategic allocation of your resources.

Given your investment horizon, you might consider a combination of growth-oriented and income-oriented mutual funds. Growth-oriented funds can provide capital appreciation over time, while income-oriented funds can generate regular dividends or interest payments.

To meet your income goal, you'll need to accumulate a significant corpus that can generate a sustainable monthly income. Based on your current investments and savings rate, you may need to increase your monthly investment amount and consider higher-returning investment avenues.

Regarding your mutual fund portfolio, it's essential to ensure diversification and align your investments with your risk tolerance and financial goals. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor your portfolio to meet your income objectives while managing risk effectively.

Regarding your property investment, using a combination of your savings and a home loan for the down payment seems like a prudent approach, as it reduces your debt burden while leveraging your existing assets. However, assess your cash flow and future income prospects to ensure you can comfortably manage the loan obligations.

Overall, achieving your financial goals requires a holistic approach, considering both investment strategies and asset allocation. Stay focused on your long-term objectives, and seek professional guidance to optimize your investment plan and real estate decisions. With discipline and careful planning, you can work towards building a robust financial future.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

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Hello sir, I am 57 years old and working as a marketing consultant for some foreign companies. I have a child who is just 13 years old. I am planning to work for another 10 years since this is an independent assignment and I get paid for my consultancy work in India. I earn almost 30 lakh per annum. I have a corpus of about 1.55 cr in Mutual funds, PPF of 4 Lakhs, and insurance of 10 lakh which has grown into 15 lakh in 3 years, investments in stocks worth 30 lakhs but now valued at 45 lakhs, one flat given on rent which fetches 7500 per month and another flat in my own name. Term insurance worth 1.6Cr, Heatlth insurance worth 22 Lakhs. No liabilities whatsoever. I need to get a monthly retirement amount of 3 Lakhs per month from 67 years onwards. I have an SIP of about 80,000 per month. Can you pl advice whether these investments is sufficient enough to generate an income of a min 3 lakhs per month after retirement? Thank you so much.
Ans: You’ve done a commendable job managing your finances. Let’s break down your current financial situation and assess if it aligns with your retirement goal of Rs. 3 lakh per month.

Current Financial Position
Income and Investments:

Annual Income: Rs. 30 lakh
Mutual Funds: Rs. 1.55 crore
PPF: Rs. 4 lakh
Insurance (grown to): Rs. 15 lakh
Stocks: Rs. 45 lakh
Rental Income: Rs. 7,500 per month
Term Insurance: Rs. 1.6 crore
Health Insurance: Rs. 22 lakh
SIP: Rs. 80,000 per month
You have substantial investments and a solid income stream. Let's evaluate if this will be sufficient for your retirement needs.

Assessing Your Retirement Needs
You plan to retire at 67 and need Rs. 3 lakh per month. Let’s look at some key aspects:

Corpus Requirement:

To generate Rs. 3 lakh monthly, you need a substantial corpus. Assuming a safe withdrawal rate of 4%, you'll need around Rs. 9 crore. This estimate ensures you don’t outlive your savings.

Current Investments:

Mutual Funds (Rs. 1.55 crore): These are growth-oriented. Over 10 years, they can grow significantly with compounding.

Stocks (Rs. 45 lakh): Equities can provide high returns but come with risk. Over time, these can grow well.

PPF (Rs. 4 lakh): This is safe and gives steady returns but isn't enough alone.

Insurance (Rs. 15 lakh): This is a backup but not an investment vehicle.

Monthly SIPs:

Rs. 80,000 per month is great. Over 10 years, this can accumulate to a significant amount.

Rental Income:

Rs. 7,500 per month is a steady but small addition. Real estate generally appreciates, adding to your asset base.

Mutual Funds: The Power of Compounding
Mutual funds are your best bet for long-term growth. Here's why:

Diversification: Mutual funds spread your investment across different assets, reducing risk.

Professional Management: Managed by experts, they can adjust to market conditions.

Compounding: The longer you stay invested, the more your money grows exponentially.

Liquidity: You can redeem funds easily, unlike some other investments.

Tax Efficiency: Equity mutual funds held for over a year attract lower capital gains tax.

Types of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest in stocks, high returns, high risk. Suitable for long-term.

Debt Funds: Invest in bonds, stable returns, lower risk. Good for short to medium-term.

Balanced Funds: Mix of equity and debt, moderate risk. Ideal for balanced growth.

ELSS: Tax-saving funds with a 3-year lock-in. Benefit from tax deductions.

Planning Your Retirement Corpus
Projected Growth
Your current mutual funds (Rs. 1.55 crore) and SIPs (Rs. 80,000 monthly) can grow significantly. Assuming a conservative 10% annual return:

Current Corpus:

Rs. 1.55 crore growing at 10% per year for 10 years can become approximately Rs. 4 crore.
SIP Growth:

Rs. 80,000 monthly over 10 years at 10% can accumulate around Rs. 1.5 crore.
Combined, your mutual fund investments alone could reach around Rs. 5.5 crore.

Stocks and PPF
Stocks (Rs. 45 lakh):

If they grow at 10%, they could reach around Rs. 1.2 crore in 10 years.
PPF (Rs. 4 lakh):

Assuming 7% annual return, it can grow to around Rs. 8 lakh in 10 years.
Rental Income
Your rental property can provide steady income. Assuming rents increase, it can contribute more over time. If reinvested wisely, it adds to your corpus.

Insurance and Health Coverage
Term Insurance: Rs. 1.6 crore ensures your family’s financial security.

Health Insurance: Rs. 22 lakh covers medical emergencies, preventing depletion of your savings.

Strategies to Ensure a Comfortable Retirement
Increase SIPs: If possible, increase your SIP amount annually. This accelerates corpus growth.

Diversify: Maintain a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Monitor and Rebalance: Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance to maintain desired asset allocation.

Stay Invested: Avoid withdrawing investments unless necessary. Let compounding work.

Tax Planning: Utilize tax-efficient investment options like ELSS.

Final Insights
Given your current investments and income, you're on a good path. However, aiming for Rs. 3 lakh per month requires diligent planning. Increasing SIPs and ensuring a balanced portfolio will help achieve your goal.

Keep track of your investments and adjust as needed. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored advice to maximize your returns and ensure financial security.


You’ve done a great job so far. With continued careful planning and investment, you’re well on your way to achieving your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
Money
Dear Sir, My age is 42, my current savings are 1) FD: 70 lakhs 2) MF: 5 lakhs 3) Equity: 10 lakhs 4) EPF: 80 lakhs 5) PPF: 20 lakhs(another 5 years to mature . 1.5 lacs per year is investment amount) I am planning to retire by 58. I need a monthly retirement amount of 2 lakhs per month. I don't have any loans at the moment. I have two kids studying in 8th and 4th. Please let me know if the current investment is sufficient enough to generate this income. Thank you sir.
Ans: Firstly, I must commend you for your diligent saving and planning. You have built a solid financial foundation with significant investments in Fixed Deposits (FD), Mutual Funds (MF), Equity, Employee Provident Fund (EPF), and Public Provident Fund (PPF). Your financial discipline is truly admirable.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Let's evaluate your current investments:

FD: Rs 70 lakhs
MF: Rs 5 lakhs
Equity: Rs 10 lakhs
EPF: Rs 80 lakhs
PPF: Rs 20 lakhs, with Rs 1.5 lakhs per year investment for the next five years
You have a total of Rs 185 lakhs (Rs 1.85 crores) in savings and investments.

Retirement Goals and Planning
You aim to retire by 58, which gives you 16 more years to save and invest. Your goal is to have a monthly retirement income of Rs 2 lakhs. To achieve this, a well-planned investment strategy is crucial.

Assessing the Required Retirement Corpus
Given your goal of Rs 2 lakhs per month, your annual requirement will be Rs 24 lakhs. Considering a retirement period of 25-30 years, you need a substantial retirement corpus to ensure a comfortable life.

Investment Strategies to Achieve Your Retirement Goals
Diversification and Asset Allocation
Equity Investments:

Equities offer high returns over the long term, essential for building a large corpus. Consider increasing your equity exposure. Actively managed funds with a track record of strong performance can be a good choice. Avoid index funds due to their average performance in fluctuating markets.

Mutual Funds:

Increase your investments in mutual funds. Choose diversified mutual funds with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Actively managed funds can outperform the market, offering higher returns than passive index funds.

Debt Investments:

Maintain a balance with debt investments for stability and regular income. Your FDs and PPF fall into this category. Consider debt mutual funds for potentially higher returns than traditional FDs.

EPF and PPF:

Continue your contributions to EPF and PPF. These provide a stable and tax-efficient return. The EPF offers a good interest rate and tax benefits, making it a valuable part of your retirement planning.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Regular Investments:

Start a SIP in mutual funds to benefit from rupee cost averaging and the power of compounding. Regular investments, even in small amounts, can grow significantly over time.

Review and Adjust:

Regularly review your SIP portfolio and adjust based on performance and changing financial goals. Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help optimize your SIP strategy.

Risk Management and Insurance
Health Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for your family. Medical emergencies can deplete your savings if not adequately insured.

Life Insurance:

Consider term life insurance to cover financial risks. It provides a high coverage amount at a lower premium, ensuring your family's financial security in case of unforeseen events.

Children's Education Planning
Education Fund:

Start an education fund for your children. Invest in child-specific mutual funds or a mix of equity and debt funds. This ensures you have sufficient funds when they pursue higher education.

Systematic Withdrawals:

Plan for systematic withdrawals from your education fund as required. This avoids sudden large expenses disrupting your financial plans.

Maximizing Tax Efficiency
Tax-efficient Investments:

Utilize tax-efficient investments like PPF, EPF, and ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) mutual funds. These offer tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.

Tax Planning:

Regularly review and adjust your investments to maximize tax efficiency. Consult a CFP for personalized tax planning strategies.

Regular Financial Review
Annual Review:

Conduct an annual review of your financial plan. Assess the performance of your investments, adjust for market changes, and ensure alignment with your goals.

Professional Guidance:

Work with a CFP for regular financial reviews and adjustments. Their expertise can help navigate market complexities and optimize your financial strategy.

Saving and Investing for Retirement
Building a Retirement Corpus
Target Corpus:

Based on your goal of Rs 2 lakhs per month, calculate the target retirement corpus. Considering inflation and a retirement period of 25-30 years, a substantial corpus is needed.

Investment Growth:

Invest in a mix of equity, debt, and mutual funds to grow your corpus. Equities offer high returns, while debt investments provide stability.

Withdrawal Strategy
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

Use an SWP in mutual funds to generate regular income during retirement. This allows for periodic withdrawals while keeping the principal invested.

Bucket Strategy:

Divide your retirement corpus into different buckets based on time horizons. Short-term needs are met with liquid funds, while long-term needs are invested in equities and debt.

Future-Proofing Your Finances
Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund covering at least six months of expenses. This provides a safety net for unexpected financial challenges.

Inflation Protection:

Invest in assets that protect against inflation. Equities and inflation-indexed bonds can help maintain purchasing power over time.

Health and Longevity:

Plan for healthcare costs and longer life expectancy. Adequate health insurance and a well-funded retirement plan are crucial.


You have done an excellent job of saving and planning for your future. Your disciplined approach to managing finances is commendable. With a few adjustments and a well-planned investment strategy, you can achieve your retirement goals and secure a comfortable future for your family.

Final Insights
Financial planning for retirement requires a comprehensive approach. By diversifying investments, increasing equity exposure, and optimizing tax efficiency, you can build a substantial retirement corpus. Regular reviews and professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner will ensure you stay on track. Your commitment to saving and investing will pay off, providing financial security and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Money
Hi, Im male 52 years, an NRI and want to retire in about a years time. i have a flat which is worth 75lacs in India, around 50 lacs in FD, investment in equities 16 lacs and a mutual fund of around 10 lacs with a monthly sip of 17,000. i have about 30 lacs investment with relatives with some interest. around 35 lacs would be end of service benefits. have two children who are doing their higher studies in India, a daughter and a son 18 & 20 respectively. appreciate your advise the best monthly income that i should have with my savings. i have no other liabilities or loan.
Ans: You are a 52-year-old NRI planning to retire in a year. You have built a diversified portfolio and financial assets. Your assets consist of:

A flat worth Rs 75 lakhs in India.

Fixed Deposits (FDs) worth Rs 50 lakhs.

Investment in equities valued at Rs 16 lakhs.

Mutual fund investments worth Rs 10 lakhs, with a SIP of Rs 17,000 per month.

Investment of Rs 30 lakhs with relatives, earning some interest.

You expect Rs 35 lakhs as end-of-service benefits.

You also have two children pursuing higher studies in India, a daughter (18 years) and a son (20 years). You have no other loans or liabilities, which is a great position to be in before retirement.

Assessing Your Retirement Income Needs
Since you are looking to retire soon, it's essential to plan for a stable and sustainable monthly income. You’ll need to ensure that your savings can support your post-retirement lifestyle, children's education, and other future expenses.

Given that you have Rs 136 lakhs (including FDs, mutual funds, equity, end-of-service benefits, and the investment with relatives), your retirement income should be carefully structured to last for the rest of your life.

Let’s break this down.

Suggested Allocation of Funds for Optimal Monthly Income
You should aim to achieve a balance between safety and growth, with a significant focus on capital preservation. Here’s how you can structure your savings:

1. Fixed Deposits (FDs) and Debt Instruments: Rs 60-70 Lakhs
Purpose: Safety and liquidity.

Allocation: FDs already make up Rs 50 lakhs of your portfolio. You may want to add Rs 10-20 lakhs from the end-of-service benefits to create a stable and low-risk base.

Returns: These will give you a predictable monthly income through interest payments.

Though FDs provide safety, the returns are not very high and are taxable as per your income slab. Therefore, having a mix of other low-risk instruments like short-term debt mutual funds or senior citizen saving schemes (SCSS) can further diversify your income sources.

Debt mutual funds, while taxable, offer more flexibility and better returns than FDs over time. This portion of your portfolio can be used for short-term needs and emergencies.

2. Equity Investments: Rs 16 Lakhs
Purpose: Growth and inflation protection.

Allocation: You already have Rs 16 lakhs in equity. Since equity markets are volatile, this portion of your portfolio should be left untouched for at least the next 8-10 years. It will help your overall corpus grow and provide inflation-adjusted returns.

Returns: Though volatile, equities tend to outperform other asset classes over the long term.

Keeping your equity investments intact is crucial to ensure your portfolio does not lose its value due to inflation over the long run.

3. Mutual Funds (MFs): Rs 10 Lakhs + Rs 17,000 Monthly SIP
Purpose: Balanced risk and return for the medium-term.
Your mutual fund investment of Rs 10 lakhs and monthly SIP of Rs 17,000 can be allocated to Balanced Advantage Funds (BAFs) or Hybrid Mutual Funds. These funds balance between equity and debt, offering moderate returns with reduced risk compared to pure equity funds. This will allow you to benefit from equity growth without taking excessive risk.

Since equity mutual funds with long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, and short-term capital gains (STCG) at 20%, it is better to hold these funds long-term to avoid higher taxes. You can periodically withdraw from these funds to meet your monthly needs while keeping the bulk of your capital invested.

4. Investment with Relatives: Rs 30 Lakhs
Purpose: Additional income.

Returns: This investment earns some interest, which can serve as an extra source of income. However, relying on informal arrangements may not be as secure. You might consider reallocating this Rs 30 lakhs to a safer option, like a debt mutual fund or senior citizen savings scheme (SCSS), to ensure more stability.

This would diversify your income sources and offer better security than an informal investment.

5. End of Service Benefits: Rs 35 Lakhs
Purpose: Additional stability.

Allocation: Consider allocating Rs 20-25 lakhs of this amount into low-risk, income-generating instruments such as SCSS, which offer regular payouts and are government-backed. This can serve as a steady and guaranteed income stream for your retirement.

The rest of this money (Rs 10-15 lakhs) could be added to your mutual fund portfolio to allow for some growth potential while still maintaining a low-to-moderate risk profile.

Creating a Monthly Income Plan
Based on your assets, you could structure a monthly income plan from multiple sources:

FDs and Debt Mutual Funds: This would be your primary source of income. You could set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from debt mutual funds, which allows you to withdraw a fixed amount monthly, providing regular income while keeping your principal relatively safe.

Mutual Fund SWP: You could also set up an SWP from your balanced advantage or hybrid funds. Since these funds balance both equity and debt, they offer stable returns with a moderate risk level.

Investment with Relatives: If you continue this arrangement, it can serve as an additional income stream. However, ensure that it’s secure and reliable.

Projecting Monthly Income from These Sources
To estimate the monthly income you can generate, here is a rough breakdown:

FDs and Debt Funds: These can generate interest or withdrawal income in the range of Rs 25,000-30,000 per month.

Mutual Fund SWP: From Rs 10 lakhs, you could withdraw Rs 10,000-15,000 per month without depleting your corpus significantly.

Investment with Relatives: Depending on the interest rate, this could give you an additional Rs 5,000-10,000 monthly.

End-of-Service Benefits: Once allocated, this could provide another Rs 10,000-15,000 per month, depending on the instruments chosen.

In total, your monthly income could range from Rs 50,000 to Rs 70,000, which can be adjusted for inflation over time. You can also choose to withdraw larger sums for one-off expenses if needed.

Managing Future Expenses for Your Children
Your children are in their higher studies, so it’s essential to have funds set aside for their education or other needs. You could create a separate education fund using part of your end-of-service benefits or other savings. This could be invested in a debt mutual fund or balanced fund to grow safely until they need it.
Final Insights
You are well-positioned for retirement with a balanced portfolio across various asset classes. However, some reallocation and restructuring can help you secure a steady income stream while keeping your capital safe.

Focus on creating a stable monthly income from FDs, debt mutual funds, and SWPs.

Retain equity and mutual fund investments for long-term growth and inflation protection.

Consider reallocating informal investments for more security.

Plan ahead for your children’s education needs and other future expenses.

Stay mindful of the tax implications of your income and investments as an NRI.

With these strategies, you can comfortably enjoy your retirement without financial stress.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Hi Madam, I'm 60,retired, my wife is 47, our son is 23. I had love marriage and was leading a happy married life. Just after silver jubilee of our wedding anniversary I accidentally came to know that my wife is madly in love with one of our common married friend who runs a simple shop. Upon investigation I found that they are in relation for last 12 years and were enjoying sex in my own house for such a long time. He hails from an uneducated family and is not even cultured. I could not believe that the wife of a highly educated socially respected man could do this with a shopkeeper who does not have any socio economic status. I am living a normal life with my wife for the sake of our only child. Once he settles in life I have decided to end my life. Ofcourse I still love her as ours was a love marriage. I seek your wise suggestion in this regard, should I divorce her or live a normal life that we are doing?
Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
If she doesn't, then you need to make her aware and yes, do ask her whether she is interested at all in the marriage. That will give you an idea as to whether things are worth fighting for or is it best to walk away!

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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