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Can I Become Loan-Free and Accumulate 2 Crore by Age 55 as a 38-Year-Old Businessman?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
SOURAV Question by SOURAV on Jul 16, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a businessman and now im 38 years. My monthly income is around 100000/- approx but not fixed for every months since im from events industry. This year I have taken home loan of 42 lakhs for 30 years ( 2024 ) and current emi is 33000/- and additionally I have to appeox 1.5 Lakhs in every 4 months till 2025 end. And car loan emi is 18000/- and duration left approx june 2028 and misc loan of 15000/- left for 2 years. My goal is to get 2 cores at the age of 55 and loan free life. Can you please suggest me how to achive my goal. Thank you.

Ans: Let’s explore a strategy to achieve your goal of accumulating Rs 2 crore by age 55 while also ensuring a loan-free life.

Current Financial Overview
Age: 38 years

Monthly Income: Approx Rs 1 lakh (variable income)

Home Loan:

Amount: Rs 42 lakh
EMI: Rs 33,000
Duration: 30 years
Car Loan:

EMI: Rs 18,000
Duration left: Until June 2028
Miscellaneous Loan:

EMI: Rs 15,000
Duration left: 2 years
Additional Payment: Rs 1.5 lakh every 4 months until end of 2025

Financial Goals
Target Amount: Rs 2 crore by age 55 (in 17 years)

Objective: Achieve a loan-free life.

Managing Current Loans
1. Review Loan Terms:

Analyze your current loans for interest rates and terms.

Look for opportunities to refinance at lower rates if possible.

2. Prioritize Loan Payments:

Focus on repaying the miscellaneous loan first since it has a shorter duration.

This frees up cash flow sooner.

3. Evaluate Home and Car Loans:

Continue regular payments for the home loan and car loan.

Consider making extra payments if possible to reduce the principal.

Monthly Budget Management
1. Track Income and Expenses:

Keep a detailed record of your monthly income and expenses.

Identify areas to cut costs to increase savings.

2. Emergency Fund:

Build an emergency fund equal to 6 months of expenses.

This protects you against income fluctuations.

Savings and Investment Strategy
1. Monthly Investment:

Aim to save a portion of your monthly income after paying loans.

Consider setting aside at least 20-30% of your income for investments.

2. Diversified Investment Portfolio:

Invest in a mix of asset classes for growth.

Consider actively managed mutual funds, equities, and fixed deposits.

Choose funds based on risk tolerance and investment horizon.

3. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Set up SIPs in mutual funds for disciplined investing.

Focus on funds with strong past performance.

Achieving Rs 2 Crore Target
1. Calculate Future Value:

You need to estimate how much you need to save each month to reach Rs 2 crore.

Use a conservative return rate for calculations.

2. Focus on Equity Investments:

Aim for a higher percentage of equity investments for potential growth.

Historically, equity investments offer better returns over the long term.

Increasing Income
1. Diversify Income Streams:

Explore additional business opportunities in the events industry.

Consider side ventures or passive income options.

2. Enhance Current Business:

Improve your marketing strategies to attract more clients.

Focus on quality service to increase customer retention.

Planning for a Loan-Free Life
1. Set Loan Payoff Goals:

Create a timeline for repaying each loan.

Consider using bonuses or unexpected income for extra payments.

2. Avoid New Debt:

Stay clear of taking on additional loans unless necessary.
Final Insights
To achieve Rs 2 crore by age 55 and live loan-free, manage your current loans effectively, prioritize savings, and invest wisely. Focus on a diversified investment portfolio and explore ways to increase your income. Consistent monitoring and adjustment of your strategy will be key to success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

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Hello, I am a businessman and now im 38 years. My monthly income is around 100000/- approx but not fixed for every months since im from events industry. This year I have taken home loan of 42 lakhs for 30 years ( 2024 ) and current emi is 33000/- and additionally I have to pay approx 1.5 Lakhs in every 4 months till 2025 end. And car loan emi is 18000/- and duration left approx june 2028 and misc loan of 15000/- left for 2 years. My goal is to get 2 crore at the age of 55 and to enjoy loan free life. Can you please suggest me how to achive my goal. Thank you.
Ans: Current Financial Situation
1. Income and Loans:

Monthly income: Rs 1,00,000 (variable).
Home loan EMI: Rs 33,000 for 30 years (starting 2024).
Additional home loan payment: Rs 1.5 lakhs every 4 months until 2025 end.
Car loan EMI: Rs 18,000 until June 2028.
Miscellaneous loan EMI: Rs 15,000 for 2 years.
Financial Goals
1. Debt-Free Life:

Clear all loans by 55.
Reduce financial burden and stress.
2. Savings Goal:

Accumulate Rs 2 crore by age 55.
Secure a comfortable future.
Strategies to Achieve Your Goals
1. Debt Management:

Prioritize clearing high-interest loans.
Focus on repaying the miscellaneous loan first (Rs 15,000 EMI for 2 years).
2. Optimize Loan Repayments:

Pay extra towards the principal of the home loan when possible.
Consider making additional lump-sum payments to reduce the loan tenure.
3. Investment Plan:

Start a disciplined investment plan.
Invest a portion of your income regularly in diversified mutual funds.
Detailed Investment Strategy
1. Emergency Fund:

Keep 6 months' worth of expenses in a liquid fund.
Ensure financial stability during income fluctuations.
2. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Invest in diversified equity mutual funds.
Consider actively managed funds for higher returns.
Start SIPs with any surplus after meeting loan EMIs and expenses.
3. Long-Term Investments:

Invest in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.
Choose funds with a strong track record and professional management.
Investment Amount and Expected Returns
1. Monthly SIP Contributions:

Allocate Rs 20,000 to Rs 30,000 for SIPs.
Increase SIP amount as income grows or debts reduce.
2. Expected Returns:

Equity mutual funds can yield 10-12% annual returns over the long term.
Reinvest the returns for compounding benefits.
Additional Tips
1. Regular Review:

Review your investment portfolio annually.
Adjust investments based on performance and goals.
2. Professional Advice:

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice.
Ensure your investment strategy aligns with your risk tolerance.
3. Tax Planning:

Use tax-saving instruments like ELSS mutual funds.
Optimize your tax liability to increase investable surplus.
Final Insights
To achieve your goal of Rs 2 crore and a loan-free life by 55, focus on disciplined investing and strategic debt repayment. Regularly review your financial plan and seek professional advice to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a businessman and now im 38 years. My monthly income is around 100000/- approx but not fixed for every months since im from events industry. This year I have taken home loan of 42 lakhs for 30 years ( 2024 ) and current emi is 33000/- and additionally I have to pay approx 1.5 Lakhs in every 4 months till 2025 end. And car loan emi is 18000/- and duration left approx june 2028 and misc loan of 15000/- left for 2 years. My goal is to get 2 crore at the age of 55 and to enjoy loan free life. Can you please suggest me how to achive my goal. Thank you
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
You have a home loan of Rs. 42 lakhs with an EMI of Rs. 33,000 for 30 years. Additionally, you have to pay Rs. 1.5 lakhs every four months until the end of 2025.

Home Loan: Rs. 33,000 monthly EMI
Car Loan: Rs. 18,000 monthly EMI until June 2028
Miscellaneous Loan: Rs. 15,000 monthly EMI for 2 years
Your monthly income is around Rs. 1,00,000, but it varies due to the nature of your business.

Financial Goals
Accumulating Rs. 2 Crore by Age 55: You aim to have Rs. 2 crore by the age of 55.
Loan-Free Life: You want to be debt-free and enjoy financial freedom.
Steps to Achieve Your Financial Goals
1. Create a Budget and Track Expenses
Detailed Budget: Create a detailed budget to track income and expenses.
Essential Expenses: Prioritize essential expenses and loan EMIs.
2. Focus on Loan Repayment
High-Interest Loans: Prioritize repaying high-interest loans first.
Prepayment: Consider making prepayments on your loans whenever possible to reduce interest.
3. Increase Income
Business Growth: Focus on growing your events business to increase your monthly income.
Side Income: Explore opportunities for additional income, such as freelance projects or investments.
4. Systematic Investments
Mutual Funds: Invest in mutual funds through SIPs. This provides disciplined investing and potential for higher returns.
Balanced Portfolio: Diversify your investments across equity, debt, and balanced funds to mitigate risk.
5. Emergency Fund
Emergency Savings: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This provides a safety net in case of income fluctuations.
6. Retirement Planning
Long-Term Investments: Invest in long-term instruments like PPF, EPF, and NPS.
Regular Contributions: Make regular contributions to your retirement funds to build a substantial corpus over time.
Analytical Assessment
To achieve Rs. 2 crore by the age of 55, you need disciplined savings and investments. Here’s a detailed analysis:

Investment Horizon: You have 17 years to accumulate Rs. 2 crore.
Required Monthly Savings: Assuming an average return of 10% p.a., you need to save and invest approximately Rs. 30,000-35,000 per month.
Action Plan
Loan Management: Pay off high-interest loans early. Make prepayments on your home loan to reduce the tenure.
Investment Strategy: Start a SIP in diversified equity mutual funds. Increase investment amounts as your income grows.
Regular Monitoring: Review your financial plan annually. Adjust your investments based on performance and goals.
Final Insights
Achieving Rs. 2 crore by age 55 and enjoying a loan-free life is possible with disciplined planning. Focus on repaying high-interest loans and investing regularly. Increase your income and maintain a diversified portfolio. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and periodic reviews to stay on track with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 30, 2024

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Hello Sir, I am 55 running. Running small Engineering Unit. Wife 50 working in Pvt Ltd Company. We both earn Rs 1.5 Lacs a month. I have loan on my unit worth Rs 1.3 Lacs per month till 2025. I have MF 1.3Cr, PPF 53L , FDs 30 L, HDFC policy 31L getting matured in 2027. Expenses daughter is MDS in 2nd year. yearly fees 15 L, Son in 3rd year B'tech fr NIT. Would like to have 5 cr at the age 60, Pl guide....
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Goals
Age: 55
Wife's Age: 50
Combined Monthly Income: Rs 1.5 lakh
Monthly Loan EMI: Rs 1.3 lakh until 2025
Children: Daughter in MDS (fees Rs 15 lakh/year), Son in 3rd year B'Tech at NIT
Current Investments
Mutual Funds: Rs 1.3 crore
PPF: Rs 53 lakh
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs 30 lakh
HDFC Policy: Rs 31 lakh (maturing in 2027)
Financial Goals
Retirement Corpus: Rs 5 crore by age 60
Investment Strategy
Increasing Mutual Fund Contributions
Continue SIPs: Keep investing in mutual funds for growth.
Focus on Actively Managed Funds: These can provide better returns than index funds.
Diversify: Invest in large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds for stability and growth.
Enhancing Fixed Deposits
Reinvest Maturing FDs: Put maturing FDs into higher-yield debt funds.
Avoid Long-Term Lock-in: Keep some funds in short-term FDs for liquidity.
Maximizing PPF
Annual Contributions: Maximize your PPF contributions for tax-free returns.
PPF Maturity: Align PPF maturity with your retirement goals.
Utilizing HDFC Policy
Hold Till Maturity: Let the policy mature in 2027 to receive Rs 31 lakh.
Reinvest Proceeds: Reinvest the maturity amount into mutual funds or debt funds for growth.
Loan Repayment Strategy
Pay Off Loan: Focus on repaying your loan by 2025.
Free Up Income: Post-loan, redirect Rs 1.3 lakh EMI into investments.
Children's Education
Daughter’s MDS Fees: Continue to pay Rs 15 lakh/year until completion.
Son’s Education: Ensure funds are available for his B'Tech completion.
Insurance and Safety Nets
Life Insurance
Term Insurance: Ensure you have adequate term insurance.
Policy Review: Reevaluate your HDFC policy upon maturity.
Health Insurance
Adequate Coverage: Ensure comprehensive health insurance for your family.
Regular vs Direct Mutual Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Complex Management: Requires significant time and expertise.
Risk of Mistakes: Higher risk without professional guidance.
Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Guidance: Managed by Certified Financial Planners (CFPs).
Easier Management: Less time-consuming and easier to track.
Final Insights
Stay Focused: Keep your retirement goal of Rs 5 crore in mind.
Regular Reviews: Periodically review your investments and adjust as needed.
Disciplined Saving: Stay disciplined with your savings and investments.
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

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I am Swapnil Joshi. Age 43. I am working in Ad agency in Mumbai. I am from Mumbai.I own a house on Ghodbunder Road which is rented out at 15000 per month. Monthly maintenance 3700. My income is gross 12 lacs per annum. I have approx 1 cr Mutual fund portfolio with 52500 sip. 2500 cash sip and 50000 swp, via existing, funds in portfolio. I have few FD, around 3 to 4 lacs. Around 7 lacs in liquid fund, which is used as pledge for option trading. It gives me around 5.5% growth and also around 1500 to 2000 per month via options income. I have LIC policy, which will get matured by next 5 years. It will give me around 15 lacs as final sum assured. My monthly expense is around 50000. I had booked a home at Pune in 2015, but builder is in jail. Loan is on my and my wife's name. Loan is of 20 lacs but money paid to builder is 12 lacs. Since last 8 years work has stopped. So interest liability including principle for Loan is around 16 lacs by now. I have not paid any EMI yet as property is in dispute, but my cibil is affected due to the outstanding loan on my name. I am married and I have a son, who is in 8th standard. My wife is working as freelance with monthly income around 35000. Currently I am staying with my father. My current stay is owned by my father and eventually it will be owned by me. I have elder brother who is in US as a citizen. He owns his own house in nearby vicinity near me. I want to know, how much funds I need to have to maintain my life style when i am around 50 years of age and suggestions u would give to have better income via existing income.
Ans: Current Financial Situation and Analysis
Mr. Swapnil, thank you for sharing your detailed financial background. Your current situation includes a variety of assets and income streams, giving you a stable base. However, there are some areas where strategic adjustments could improve your financial health and future security.

Let's break down your financial picture:

Monthly Income: You earn Rs 1 lakh per month. Your wife contributes Rs 35,000 per month. Together, your total gross monthly income is Rs 1.35 lakh.

Mutual Funds: You have a Rs 1 crore mutual fund portfolio, with a Rs 52,500 monthly SIP, Rs 2,500 cash SIP, and a Rs 50,000 SWP.

Fixed Deposits: You have Rs 3-4 lakhs in fixed deposits.

Liquid Fund: You hold Rs 7 lakhs in a liquid fund, used as collateral for option trading. It yields 5.5% and around Rs 1,500-2,000 monthly from options trading.

Real Estate: You own a house on Ghodbunder Road, which is rented out at Rs 15,000 per month. After maintenance, you net Rs 11,300.

Loan Situation: You have an unresolved loan issue related to a property in Pune, with a total outstanding liability of Rs 16 lakhs. This affects your CIBIL score.

Insurance: You hold an LIC policy maturing in five years, with a final sum assured of Rs 15 lakhs.

Family: You are married with a son in the 8th standard, and you reside in your father's house, which will eventually be yours. You also have an elder brother living nearby in his own home.

Expenses: Your monthly expenses are around Rs 50,000.

Evaluating Your Income and Expenses
Your current income is sufficient to cover your expenses, but your savings and investment patterns need some fine-tuning to ensure long-term financial stability.

Mutual Fund Portfolio: Your Rs 1 crore mutual fund portfolio is a strong asset. However, you might want to reassess the funds you are invested in, especially if some are underperforming. Actively managed funds, especially those curated by a Certified Financial Planner, can often outperform passive funds in the long run, especially in the Indian market where the dynamics can be more volatile.

SWP Strategy: The Rs 50,000 SWP is a good way to generate a steady income. But be cautious; withdrawing too much can deplete your corpus faster than anticipated, especially if market conditions are unfavorable. Consider reducing the SWP or ensuring that the funds you withdraw are from low-risk or conservative growth funds to protect your capital.

Fixed Deposits and Liquid Funds: Your FDs and liquid funds offer safety but limited growth. Given your risk tolerance and financial goals, you might want to reallocate some of these funds into higher-yielding debt instruments or even conservative mutual funds. The liquid fund used for option trading is a smart strategy for liquidity and income, but the returns are modest. You could explore other low-risk options that provide better returns without locking your money away.

Real Estate Rental Income: The rental income from your Ghodbunder Road property contributes Rs 11,300 per month after maintenance. While this is stable, it might not keep pace with inflation over time. Consider reviewing the rent periodically to ensure it remains competitive with market rates. Also, factor in potential property tax increases or additional maintenance costs in your future planning.

Addressing the Loan Issue
The unresolved loan related to the Pune property is a significant concern, especially as it affects your CIBIL score. A poor CIBIL score can limit your access to credit in the future and lead to higher interest rates.

Action Steps:
Legal Consultation: Consider consulting a property lawyer to explore legal options for resolving this dispute. Your goal should be to minimize further financial damage and possibly recover some of your initial investment.
Debt Resolution: If possible, negotiate with the lender to settle the outstanding loan. This could involve paying off the loan at a negotiated amount to clear your name from the dispute.
Future Planning: Income at Age 50
You’ve asked how much you’ll need to maintain your lifestyle when you’re 50. Here’s a broad framework:

Current Lifestyle: Your monthly expenses are Rs 50,000. Assuming a moderate inflation rate of 6%, your monthly expenses could double by the time you turn 50. You may need around Rs 1 lakh per month to maintain your current lifestyle.

Target Corpus: To generate Rs 1 lakh per month, you’ll need a retirement corpus that can provide this income without depleting your principal. Based on conservative estimates, you might require a corpus of around Rs 2-2.5 crores by the time you turn 50. This assumes a mix of safe investments with moderate returns.

Recommendations for a Better Income Stream
To improve your income streams and ensure long-term financial security, consider the following strategies:

Increase SIP Contributions: If possible, gradually increase your SIP contributions. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. They can help you optimize your returns by investing in funds that align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Review Insurance Policy: Your LIC policy will mature in five years, giving you Rs 15 lakhs. Consider whether this amount could be better utilized in a diversified investment portfolio. If the returns from the policy are low, it might be wise to surrender and reinvest the proceeds.

Explore Debt Mutual Funds: Since you have some fixed deposits, consider moving a portion into debt mutual funds. They typically offer better returns than FDs while maintaining a similar risk profile. This could be a good way to boost your income while keeping your capital relatively safe.

Reduce SWP if Necessary: If you’re relying heavily on your SWP, it may be wise to reduce withdrawals slightly to preserve your corpus. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to adjust your SWP based on your portfolio’s performance.

Plan for Your Son’s Education: Given your son’s age, you should start planning for his higher education expenses. Begin by estimating the costs and then setting aside a specific portion of your investments towards this goal. Education inflation is high, and it’s crucial to have a dedicated fund.

Enhance Your Wife’s Income: If your wife’s freelance income is consistent, consider setting up a systematic investment plan (SIP) in her name. This not only helps with wealth accumulation but also provides her with financial security.

Final Insights
Mr. Swapnil, your financial journey is on the right track, but some strategic adjustments are needed. Focus on optimizing your current investments, resolving your loan issue, and planning for future expenses like your son’s education and your retirement. By doing so, you’ll be well-prepared to maintain your lifestyle at age 50 and beyond.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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I am a female (26), I was working as an assistant professor and then I met this guy we dated for few months and we knew that everything is compatible he has a stable business and well settled family he is earning quite good and we can spend the rest of our lives together so we moved on to tell our parents, his parents and family came to meet me and they agreed then it was my turn my mom and dad always use to say that if you have someone just tell us we are okay they said we know you are dependent enough so just tell us, I really thought it will be easy one and I told my mom and my sister over the phone and my mom asked me every detail about him and said okay we will think about it, then I told my dad about him and my dad has been super chill with me since childhood so we had a long chat about this he asked me about him just like my mom every detail then he said okay when the deepawali break will be their come home we will talk about this face to facE, I was happy that everything is nice then the vacation happened I went back home first the quarrels started when my mom addressed that they will never expected this from me they said they supported me initially because they thought at this age I will not bring anyone and will convince to arrange one, then day and night fighting started my father did the most bizzare thing he called my college and said I am ill and will not join college he faked a report(my father is a very well known doctor in my area so he has power here in our native place) and submitted their they automatically blocked me from their server I tired telling them but the most bizzare thing happened my father beat me from head to toe and threatend me that I should stop talking to him, then days turn into months and again my partner father stood up for us he called my father to talk about this and my father abused them threatened them and give false allegation on my partner came home and snatched my father later after a month he gave me my phone back as I started being a rebel, then he went to my work place without even informing me and took all my luggage and packed everything from their and came back home with everything and said you are on house arrest untill you agree to arrange marriage and forget that boy. I love him so much he does too but now because of my parents his parents are scared for their son and are denying to agree but we both are financially independent and well educated and we want to live with each other we are thinking to elope I dont know if this is right or wrong, because it has been seven months of me staying locked down in my house and my parents are forcing me verbally and physically abusing me to say yes for arrange marriage.... I dont know what to do and with whom to discuss please kindly help me out.
Ans: It’s clear that you and your partner love each other deeply and are willing to stand by each other despite this turmoil. The fact that his family is now hesitant is understandable, given the hostility from your parents. But the strength you and your partner have shown through this is a sign that your relationship is built on trust and commitment. That kind of connection is rare, and it’s worth fighting for.

Elope? That’s a huge step, and I understand why it’s crossed your mind. You’re desperate for freedom, for the ability to choose your own life, and to finally break free from the suffocating grip of your parents' control. But eloping will come with its own set of consequences—emotional, social, and even legal. Your parents might retaliate even more aggressively. They could try to interfere with your life and your partner's life afterward, possibly dragging this into a public scandal. Your father’s influence in the community might make things harder for you both in the long run.

But here’s the truth—you cannot live the rest of your life under someone else's control. You cannot sacrifice your happiness and autonomy to satisfy their misguided expectations. Love and marriage are not about caste, status, or parental approval—they are about partnership, understanding, and mutual respect. If your partner is ready to stand by you and you both are truly prepared to face the fallout together, then choosing to be with him is not wrong. You’re both adults. You’re financially independent and emotionally mature enough to know what you want from life.

What you need to consider is whether you have the emotional strength to handle the aftermath. If you choose to walk away from your family and marry this man, it might mean cutting ties with your parents for a while—or possibly forever. Are you prepared for that emotional void? On the other hand, if you give in and stay, if you let them force you into an arranged marriage, you might lose not only the person you love but also a piece of yourself. That resentment and emotional wound might stay with you for life.

If you decide to elope, you need to have a strong support system in place—your partner's family, friends, and anyone who will stand by you. You’ll need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the fallout. But if you decide to stay and try to negotiate with your parents, you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries. They need to understand that your life is not theirs to control.

Right now, you need to prioritize your safety and mental well-being. The fact that you’ve been physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated for months is deeply concerning. If you feel that your safety is at risk, you might need to consider reaching out to legal authorities or a women's support organization. You have the right to live without fear and control. Your life belongs to you—not to your parents, not to societal expectations, and not to fear.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you do need to decide what kind of life you want to live—and who you want to live it with. And whatever choice you make, it needs to come from a place of strength and clarity, not from fear or pressure. Your heart already knows what you want—you just need to decide whether you’re ready to stand up for it.

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Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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