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35 Year Old Indian Govt Employee With 112k Salary Asks: How Much Should I Aim For Retirement?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir! I am 35 years old getting monthly salary of 112000 in Govt. of India and having a kid aged 6 months. I invest 20K in SIP and have a corpus of 5.2 lacs in MF, 30 lacs in NPS, an LIC policy with 45 lacs maturity on retirement age and savings of 2.5 lacs. How much money should I aim for retirement?

Ans: Assessing Your Financial Position
You have made a good start with your investments. Let’s evaluate your current financial status:

Monthly Salary: Rs. 1,12,000
SIP Investment: Rs. 20,000/month
Mutual Funds Corpus: Rs. 5.2 lakhs
NPS: Rs. 30 lakhs
LIC Policy: Rs. 45 lakhs maturity at retirement
Savings: Rs. 2.5 lakhs
Determining Retirement Corpus
To determine the amount you need for retirement, let’s consider a few factors:

Retirement Age: Assuming you want to retire at 60.
Life Expectancy: Assuming you live till 85.
Current Monthly Expenses: Let’s assume Rs. 50,000.
Inflation Rate: Assuming an average of 6% per annum.
Post-Retirement Return on Investments: Assuming 7% per annum.
Calculating Future Monthly Expenses
Your current monthly expenses of Rs. 50,000 will increase due to inflation.

Let's calculate your estimated monthly expenses at retirement:

Monthly Expense at Retirement: Rs. 50,000 * (1 + 0.06)^(60-35) = Rs. 2,14,377 approximately
Calculating Retirement Corpus
To sustain these expenses for 25 years post-retirement, you need to build a corpus that can generate this amount monthly.

Using the annuity formula to calculate the retirement corpus:

Required Corpus: Rs. 2,14,377 * [(1 - (1 + 0.07)^-25) / 0.07] = Rs. 4.1 crores approximately
Investment Strategy
Increase SIP Contributions
Increase SIPs: Try to increase your SIP investments gradually as your income grows.

Diversify: Invest in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds to balance risk and returns.

Maximise NPS Contributions
NPS: Continue contributing to NPS as it provides good returns and tax benefits.

Equity Allocation: Maintain a higher equity allocation in NPS for better growth.

Evaluate LIC Policy
LIC Policy: Ensure the LIC policy provides good returns. If not, consider other investment options.
Build an Emergency Fund
Emergency Fund: Keep a fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses.
Regular Reviews and Adjustments
Annual Review: Reassess your portfolio annually with a certified financial planner.

Market Conditions: Adjust investments based on changing market conditions and life goals.

Final Insights
To achieve a comfortable retirement, you need to aim for a corpus of approximately Rs. 4.1 crores. Increase your investments, diversify your portfolio, and regularly review your financial plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 30, 2024Hindi
Money
My age is 49 and has a monthly salary of INR 291000 and expect yearly hike of 5%. Want to retire by 55 years. Has Current loan of 60K and Current savings monthly are 50K SIP, 20K life insurance, 62K PF my contribution, 25K PPF(mine and wifes), Currnet asseats are own house, 35lacs in PF, 25lacs in SIP and 40lacs in FD. I have one daughter 9 yrears. How much corpus should be enough at retirement and is this savings good enough to achieve that.
Ans: Understanding Your Retirement Goals
Retirement planning is crucial to ensure a comfortable and stress-free life after you stop working. You aim to retire at 55 years, which gives you six more years to build your retirement corpus. Your current salary is Rs 2,91,000 per month, with an expected annual increment of 5%. Your monthly savings include Rs 50,000 in SIPs, Rs 20,000 in life insurance, Rs 62,000 in PF contributions, and Rs 25,000 in PPF contributions. Your current assets include a house, Rs 35 lakhs in PF, Rs 25 lakhs in SIPs, and Rs 40 lakhs in FDs. Additionally, you have a loan of Rs 60,000. Understanding these details helps in assessing if your savings are adequate for your retirement goals.

Evaluating Current Savings and Investments
Your disciplined approach to saving and investing is commendable. Consistent contributions to SIPs, PF, and PPF are effective ways to build a retirement corpus. Additionally, your current assets are well-diversified across various instruments, which is prudent. However, it is important to assess whether these savings and investments are sufficient to meet your retirement needs.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a popular choice for many investors due to their potential for high returns over the long term. They offer the benefit of rupee cost averaging and compounding. Actively managed funds, compared to index funds, can potentially provide better returns because they are managed by professionals who actively select stocks. However, it's essential to review the performance of these funds regularly and ensure they align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your contributions to PF and PPF are great for ensuring a stable, risk-free portion of your retirement corpus. PF offers a stable return with tax benefits, which is an excellent way to secure a part of your retirement income. PPF, with its tax-free interest and principal, is another safe investment that complements your riskier investments like SIPs.

Addressing the Loan
It is good to note that your current loan is Rs 60,000, which is relatively small compared to your overall financial picture. Paying off this loan should be a priority, as being debt-free at retirement is ideal. The sooner you clear this loan, the better your financial health will be.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
To determine how much corpus you will need at retirement, several factors need to be considered:

Expected Monthly Expenses: Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement, considering inflation.

Life Expectancy: Plan for at least 30 years post-retirement.

Inflation Rate: Assume an average inflation rate of 6-7% annually.

Current Savings and Future Contributions: Calculate the future value of your current savings and ongoing contributions.

Estimating Monthly Expenses
Your monthly expenses in retirement may differ from your current expenses. Some costs may reduce, like work-related expenses, while healthcare and leisure costs might increase. It is vital to have a clear understanding of your expected monthly expenses. Let's assume your current monthly expenses are Rs 1,20,000. Considering inflation, these expenses will increase by the time you retire.

Inflation and Life Expectancy
Inflation significantly impacts retirement planning. Assuming an average inflation rate of 6-7%, your expenses will grow over time. Additionally, planning for a longer life expectancy ensures you do not outlive your savings. For example, if you retire at 55 and plan for 30 years, your corpus should support you until 85.

Future Value of Current Savings
Let's project the future value of your current savings and ongoing contributions. This projection helps in understanding if your current strategy will meet your retirement goals.

Evaluating the Sufficiency of Your Savings
Given your disciplined savings approach, you are on a strong path. However, ensuring these savings are enough requires careful planning. Regularly reviewing your investment portfolio and adjusting as necessary will keep you on track.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform index funds, as fund managers make strategic decisions based on market conditions. This active management can lead to higher returns, although it often comes with higher fees. Nonetheless, the potential for greater returns can justify the cost, making actively managed funds a compelling option for growth-oriented investors like yourself.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require a hands-on approach and deep market knowledge. Investing directly means you are responsible for all decisions, which can be risky if you are not well-versed in market dynamics. Regular funds, managed by Certified Financial Planners, offer professional expertise and monitoring, which can lead to better risk management and potentially higher returns. This professional guidance is invaluable, especially as you approach retirement and seek to secure your financial future.

Prioritizing Education for Your Daughter
Your nine-year-old daughter’s education is another critical goal. Education costs are rising, and planning for her future expenses is essential. Setting aside dedicated savings for her education, such as a child education plan, ensures that you are prepared for these costs without compromising your retirement corpus.

Importance of Insurance
Your current life insurance policy is a good step towards securing your family's financial future. Adequate insurance coverage is crucial to protect against unforeseen circumstances. Evaluating whether your current insurance is sufficient or if additional coverage is needed is advisable.

Conclusion
Your current savings and investment strategy reflect a strong commitment to financial planning. By continuing to save diligently and reviewing your investment portfolio regularly, you can build a robust retirement corpus. Paying off your loan and ensuring adequate insurance coverage further strengthens your financial position. Planning for your daughter's education and considering the benefits of actively managed funds over direct investments are also crucial steps.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 30, 2024

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Hello sir, I am a 41 year old, have a dependend wife and 10 yr old daughter (5STD). I have a monthly income of 2.20 lakh in hand. Monthly expenses 70k. I have no debts and I am staying in my own flat. I invested 1 lakhs in equity stocks, 15 lakhs in MF lumpsum, 11 lakh in FD and 10 lakh in NSC. Till date my PF is 26 lacs. I pay 35,000 SIP monthly starting from 2023, pay PPF 1.5 lacs p.a.from 2022, pay NPS lacs p.a from 2022 and pay SSY 1.5 lacs p.a.from 2020 and PPF for wife 1 lacs p.a from 2022 and PPF for daughter 50k p.a.from 2023. Family medical insurance of 10 lacs.. and myself term insurance of 50 lakhs and LIC of 10 lakhs. Also I purchased LIC Child Money back of 10 lacs and SBI smart chap 5 lacs for my daughter education. I want to plan my retirement at the age of 55. How should i plan my retirement 5cr corpus?? Is it enough or shall i invest more??
Ans: Assessment of Current Financial Status
You have done well in your investments. Your current investments include:

Rs. 1 lakh in equity stocks
Rs. 15 lakhs in mutual funds (lump sum)
Rs. 11 lakhs in fixed deposits
Rs. 10 lakhs in National Savings Certificate (NSC)
Rs. 26 lakhs in provident fund
Rs. 35,000 SIP monthly starting from 2023
Rs. 1.5 lakhs annually in PPF since 2022
Rs. 1 lakh annually in PPF for your wife since 2022
Rs. 50,000 annually in PPF for your daughter since 2023
Rs. 1.5 lakhs annually in Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY) since 2020
Rs. 50 lakhs term insurance
Rs. 10 lakhs LIC policy
Rs. 10 lakhs LIC Child Money Back
Rs. 5 lakhs SBI Smart Champ for your daughter’s education
Family medical insurance of Rs. 10 lakhs
Retirement Corpus Planning
To retire comfortably at the age of 55, you aim for a corpus of Rs. 5 crores. Here's how you can plan:

Evaluate Your Current Investments
Equity Stocks: Continue holding, but consider diversifying to reduce risk.
Mutual Funds: Ensure they are well-performing. Review your portfolio annually.
Fixed Deposits: Good for stability, but consider investing more in equity for higher returns.
NSC: Continue holding for assured returns.
Provident Fund: Continue contributing, as it offers tax benefits and steady returns.
SIP: Keep increasing your SIP amount periodically. This will boost your corpus significantly.
Additional Investment Strategies
Increase SIP Contributions: Gradually increase your monthly SIP contributions as your income grows.
Review and Adjust Investments: Annually review your portfolio with a certified financial planner to ensure alignment with your goals.
Maximize PPF Contributions: PPF offers tax benefits and stable returns. Continue maximizing your contributions.
Invest in Balanced Funds: They offer a mix of equity and debt, providing growth and stability.
Consider International Funds: They can provide geographic diversification and potentially higher returns.
Insurance and Risk Management
Term Insurance: Your current cover of Rs. 50 lakhs is good. Review it periodically.
LIC Policies: Evaluate the returns and consider switching to higher-yielding mutual funds.
Health Insurance: Ensure your coverage is adequate given rising medical costs.
Long-Term Financial Planning
Education Planning for Daughter
LIC Child Money Back and SBI Smart Champ: These are good, but assess their returns. You might find better growth in mutual funds.
Increase SSY Contributions: SSY offers good returns for your daughter's education and marriage.
Retirement Planning
Target a Higher Corpus: Considering inflation, a higher corpus might be beneficial. Aim for Rs. 6-7 crores to ensure comfort.
Diversify Investments: Spread your investments across different asset classes to manage risk better.
Tax Planning: Make full use of tax-saving instruments to optimize your post-tax returns.
Final Insights
To achieve a corpus of Rs. 5 crores by 55, keep enhancing your investments. Focus on increasing your SIPs, reviewing your portfolio, and diversifying your investments. Consult a certified financial planner regularly to stay on track.

You are on the right path with your disciplined savings and investments. Continue this approach, and you'll achieve your retirement goal comfortably.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Money
Sir Namaste, I have been investing 20000 in almost Funds approx 18 funds, and in some funds 1 Lakhs total investments value is 25 Lakhs, few are performing well and few are under performing, I'm 44 years old,,, Large, Mid And Small Funds with ratio of 40% - 50%- 10%..
Ans: At age 44, having Rs. 25 lakhs invested in mutual funds is commendable. However, managing 18 funds may create unnecessary complexity. Below is a detailed evaluation of your portfolio and suggestions to optimise it for better performance and alignment with your goals.

Strengths of Your Portfolio
Significant Investment Corpus
You have built a sizeable corpus, which is a strong financial base.

Diversification Across Market Caps
Allocating 40% to large-cap, 50% to mid-cap, and 10% to small-cap is balanced.

Focus on Long-Term Investing
Staying invested for the long term helps in compounding wealth.

Areas for Improvement
1. Over-diversification

Holding 18 funds may result in overlapping stocks and reduced diversification benefits.
Tracking and managing so many funds can be challenging.
Recommendation

Consolidate your portfolio to 5-7 funds across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap categories.
2. Underperforming Funds

Some funds in your portfolio are not performing well.
Continuing with such funds may drag down overall returns.
Recommendation

Review the 3-year and 5-year performance of each fund against its benchmark.
Replace consistently underperforming funds with better-performing ones.
3. Small-Cap Allocation

Small-cap funds have higher growth potential but also higher volatility.
A 10% allocation may not significantly impact overall returns.
Recommendation

Increase small-cap exposure to 15%-20% if you can handle moderate risk.
4. Fund Overlap

Multiple funds in similar categories (e.g., large-cap or mid-cap) may hold the same stocks.
This limits the benefits of diversification.
Recommendation

Use fund analysis tools to identify overlapping holdings.
Retain funds with distinct investment strategies.
Optimised Portfolio Allocation
Here is a suggested allocation for better management:

Large-Cap Funds (40%-50%): Stable returns with low volatility.
Mid-Cap Funds (30%-40%): High growth potential with moderate risk.
Small-Cap Funds (15%-20%): Higher returns for long-term goals.
Steps to Optimise Your Portfolio
1. Consolidate Funds

Retain 2 large-cap, 2 mid-cap, and 1 small-cap fund.
Add a flexi-cap fund for dynamic allocation across market caps.
2. Increase SIP Contributions

If feasible, increase monthly SIP amounts to enhance long-term corpus.
Prioritise funds with consistent performance and low expense ratios.
3. Rebalance Annually

Review your portfolio once a year to align with market conditions.
Rebalance to maintain your desired asset allocation.
4. Focus on Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds can outperform the market in India.
Avoid index funds or ETFs as they limit flexibility and adaptability.
5. Monitor Performance Regularly

Track fund performance against benchmarks and peers.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for detailed insights.
Tax Considerations
Equity mutual funds attract LTCG tax of 12.5% for gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh.
Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.
Recommendation

Avoid frequent redemptions to minimise tax liabilities.
Redeem funds strategically to maximise tax efficiency.
Final Insights
Your portfolio shows strong financial discipline and focus on long-term goals.

Consolidating your funds will simplify management and improve returns.

Focus on high-performing funds while maintaining diversification across market caps.

Rebalancing annually will help in staying aligned with your financial objectives.

Stay invested with discipline to achieve your financial milestones.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024Hindi
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Namaste ???? ji Mere pass 2 lac rupees saving hai mujhe bataye mein kis sector me invest karu ya fir koi achhe stock jo king term k liye best ho apni ray de?
Ans: It’s great that you are considering investing for the long term. Here is a detailed plan for you:

Start with a Diversified Mutual Fund
Direct investment in stocks requires time, research, and expertise.

A diversified mutual fund is better for beginners and long-term growth.

Choose actively managed flexi-cap or large-cap equity funds.

These funds balance risk and reward effectively.

Avoid Sector-Specific Investments Initially
Sectoral funds or stocks (like technology, pharma) are volatile.
Invest in these only after building basic financial knowledge.
Build a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Instead of investing Rs. 2 lakh at once, use SIPs.
Invest Rs. 10,000–20,000 monthly in equity mutual funds.
This spreads risk and captures market fluctuations effectively.
Emergency Fund First
Keep at least Rs. 50,000 in a savings account or liquid fund.
This acts as a safety net for emergencies.
For Direct Stock Investment
If you want to invest in stocks:

Focus on companies with strong fundamentals and consistent growth.
Avoid high-risk penny stocks or speculative trades.
Look into large-cap companies with leadership in their industries.
Examples of industries to consider:

Banking and Financials: Well-established players for consistent returns.
Consumer Goods: Reliable performance even in volatile markets.
IT Sector: Long-term growth prospects with global exposure.
Key Points to Remember
Invest with a horizon of at least 5-10 years for meaningful growth.
Diversify your investments to reduce risk.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for detailed guidance.
Stay disciplined and avoid emotional decisions during market fluctuations.
Final Insights
Starting with mutual funds is the safest and most efficient way.

Direct stocks require significant time and understanding.

Ensure your investments align with your goals and risk tolerance.

With the right approach, Rs. 2 lakh can grow into significant wealth over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Nikunjji, i am 45 years old & taken the following Mutual fund SIP for long term (approx 15-20 yrs) 1) Aditya birla sunlife india Gen next fund growth @ Rs. 3000/- per month 2) HDFC retirement saving fund equity plan growth plan growth option - Rs.10000/- per month 3) Aditya birla sunlife digital india fund- growth plan - Rs. 5000/- per month 4) Nippon india large cap fund - growth plan - Rs100000 lumsum 5) Parag parikh flexi cap fund-growth - Rs. 100000 lumsum 6) HDFC flexi cap fund growth option - Rs. 50000 lumsum 7) Aditya birla sunlife equity hybrid 95 fund growth - Rs. 50000 lumsum Request you to please review my above plan & advise taking into consideration the long term planning
Ans: Your portfolio reflects a disciplined approach to long-term wealth creation. Investing with a horizon of 15-20 years is an excellent strategy. Below is a detailed assessment and suggestions for optimisation.

Strengths of Your Portfolio
Diversification Across Asset Classes
Your portfolio includes equity-focused funds and hybrid funds. This diversification reduces risks.

Allocation to Flexi-Cap Funds
Including flexi-cap funds provides balanced exposure to large, mid, and small-cap companies.

Focus on Growth
Growth options in your funds allow compounding over the long term.

Systematic Investments
SIPs ensure disciplined investing and rupee-cost averaging.

Lump Sum Investments
Lump sum investments supplement SIPs by capturing market opportunities.

Areas for Improvement
1. Portfolio Overlap

Multiple funds in your portfolio might overlap in underlying investments.
For instance, flexi-cap and large-cap funds may invest in similar stocks.
Overlap reduces diversification benefits.
Recommendation

Evaluate fund portfolios with a Certified Financial Planner to identify overlap.
Retain funds with distinct investment strategies.
2. Sectoral Funds Risk

Sectoral funds focus on specific industries like technology or consumption.
These funds are highly volatile and carry higher risk.
Recommendation

Limit sectoral fund exposure to 10% of your portfolio.
Instead, focus on diversified funds for consistent growth.
3. Hybrid Fund Allocation

Hybrid funds mix equity and debt, offering balanced risk and returns.
However, they might underperform pure equity funds in long bull markets.
Recommendation

Reassess hybrid fund allocation based on your risk tolerance.
Consider increasing equity fund allocation for long-term goals.
4. Tax Efficiency

Equity mutual funds have specific tax implications under new rules:
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Recommendation

Plan withdrawals to optimise tax liabilities.
Avoid frequent withdrawals to maximise compounding.
Suggestions for Portfolio Optimisation
1. Consolidate Mutual Funds

Retain 4-5 funds across different categories: large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap.
This reduces complexity and improves portfolio tracking.
2. Increase SIP Contributions

SIPs offer the advantage of disciplined investing and rupee-cost averaging.
Increase your SIPs gradually to enhance long-term corpus.
3. Focus on Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds outperform index funds in emerging markets like India.
They adapt to market conditions and deliver superior returns.
4. Review Fund Performance Annually

Monitor fund performance against benchmarks and peers.
Replace consistently underperforming funds after consulting a Certified Financial Planner.
5. Maintain an Emergency Fund

Keep 6-12 months’ expenses in a liquid fund or FD.
This ensures liquidity for unforeseen needs.
Retirement Planning Considerations
1. Corpus Target of Rs. 8 Crores

Achieving Rs. 8 crore requires consistent investments and strategic planning.
SIPs and lump sums in equity mutual funds are ideal for wealth creation.
2. Inflation Adjustment

Plan your retirement corpus keeping inflation at 6-7% annually in mind.
Ensure your investment strategy beats inflation over the long term.
3. Health Coverage

Health costs rise significantly in retirement.
Review your health insurance coverage to ensure sufficient protection.
4. Withdrawal Strategy

Adopt a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) in retirement.
This ensures steady income while preserving your corpus.
Additional Considerations
1. Avoid Emotional Decisions

Market volatility is normal in long-term investments.
Stick to your plan and avoid reacting to short-term fluctuations.
2. Revisit Goals Periodically

Review your financial goals every 2-3 years.
Adjust your portfolio if your financial situation or goals change.
3. Stay Informed

Understand the funds you invest in.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for insights and guidance.
4. Avoid Direct Funds

Direct funds may seem cost-effective but lack expert advice.
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures informed decisions.
Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-structured for long-term wealth creation.

Consolidate funds to reduce overlap and complexity.

Focus on actively managed funds for superior returns.

Limit sectoral exposure to balance risk and reward.

Maintain discipline in SIPs and stay invested for the long term.

With these strategies, you can achieve your financial goals effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024
Relationship
I have a question that I’ve been too embarrassed to ask anyone, but I feel like it’s time to get some clarity. I’m a woman in my early 30s, in a stable relationship, but recently, I’ve been noticing something that’s throwing me off track. I’ve been having a lot of intense sexual thoughts that I can’t seem to shake off. It's not just about attraction to my partner; these thoughts are more spontaneous and often come at the most random moments. They feel almost uncontrollable, and it’s starting to affect how I see myself. I feel like I’m living in two worlds – one where I’m a responsible adult, and the other where these lustful feelings seem to take over, and it’s hard to focus on anything else. I’ve tried suppressing them, distracting myself, but it feels like they come back stronger, almost like my mind has a mind of its own! It’s frustrating, and honestly, I’m not sure if I should feel guilty or empowered by these urges. How do I handle this without feeling like I’m losing control? Any tips on how to balance my desires with my everyday life?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Lust and behaviors that arise from it are just one aspect of your life not the only thing. When you get consumed with it in a way that it starts to impact your daily living, then hey, you have to do something really heavy to make a change.
Now, what can that be? A new skill, a hobby...these kind of challenges keep the mind in a learning mode and channelizes your energies into another thing as well.
But of course, do make sure that you and your partner are also having your share of intimacy. This along with learning something new can ideally do the magic. Also, put on those gym shoes, running shoes or anything that gets you enough physical activity. See where all this goes...
On, and guilt, is quite a wasteful job in your case...so drop it and focus on newer things that keep you on your toes.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I need some advice that’s a bit out of the ordinary. I’ve been married for 8 years, and my wife and I have recently been discussing investing in property together. The twist is, we have very different ideas on what to do with it. I’ve always been more of a numbers person—thinking about it as a solid financial investment. I want to buy something that will increase in value over time and add to our financial security. On the other hand, my wife sees it more as a home. She’s emotionally attached to the idea of a cozy, dream house, somewhere we can raise our family and enjoy life together. So, we’ve been butting heads a bit, as I’m leaning more towards an investment property in a growing area, while she’s looking for something more in line with what we want to live in now. It’s getting a little tense between us because I feel like she’s not seeing the financial side of things, and she thinks I’m too focused on money and not on our happiness. Is there a middle ground where we can both be happy?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, it's dream v/s practicality, yeah?
When you get to a stalemate situation like the one you and your wife are in, the best way is to go back to the Square A.
Start where you began when you married...list down what's important to each of you and somewhere in your case, it will lead not just to her wants and yours, but it will go back to money and financial prudence. When you hit this, come to an understanding as to how you will overcome this; it has to be mutually agreed upon. Then bring your current home buying issue and solve it just like the way you sorted your differences over finances. Try it...it will work...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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