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Love vs. Family: Should I Marry My Boyfriend Despite Caste Differences?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Siya Question by Siya on Dec 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am 28 years old and have been in relation for 3.8 yr my bf parents wanted him to get married they are fine wth me but problem was he is from SC category and my parents are not agreeging and i have 2 younger sister as well , if i secretly marry my bf then my sisters will not b able to get married , what should i do .i love my parents soo much sice me and my bf were preparing for upsc we dont have any job till now , we are just beginning our careers in private sector. My father has problem wth he being from SC and i am gurjar . What should i do and now my bf parents are forcing him to get married to another girl. What sould do and how to handle this situation

Ans: Dear Siya,
Either you go with what your parents say OR completely go your way. You can't sadly have it all...what can you do when you are emotionally weighed down by the fact that one decision against your parents and your sisters may not get married. It's a lot to handle...
Choose one side and stick with it; but do understand it will come with its own set of challenges and hope that someday things will settle down and work itself out.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Madam i am 21 years old having a good post at central government as at erly age i got job and i joint it now i am 22 and having a boyfriend he is also central government officer and he is age 29 bu despite of the age gap the love bloomed and we are so in love with each other i told my family early tge condition and said that i want to marry him but my parents said after 25 we will ger u married but by sharing this at hone they are not having trust on mr and are being insecure and wants me to leave a government job and to come home because he is not from same caste and it will also be interstate marriage my family is having the fear of relatives and my mother us against of it they are saying intercaste marriage we will not support or accept continuously emotional blackmail to me trying to manipulate, brainwash me and abusing me emotionally verbally and physically. what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Inter-faith marriages are still a big NO NO in many homes and yours is not an exception. Like in many other cases, my suggestion has been that both sides must want to get to know the other person. Like your parents need to see a different side of your boyfriend to be willing to accept him.
What is it that he can bring in their daughter's life that will ease their concerns about his faith/religion?
So, your boyfriend must be willing to be patient and make efforts on his part to integrate into your family. It takes time, so be patient.
Now, for your job...do not confuse emotions and your job. Your parents feels that you might take drastic steps with your boyfriend and hence want you closer to home so that they can keep an eye on you. Address this concern by being mature and immersing yourself more into work that gives them the confidence that you are not about to do anything behind their back.
Addressing what bothers them is a better way out rather than trying to convince them...as the same issues will keep coming back if you force them to accept something. So, be patient and responsible for things to sort themselves out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |474 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir, I have been in relationship for 4 years, once my cousin elder caught me with my bf and told my parent. I told my parents that I wanted to get marry with him. But they denied. Due to my brother listening. Now it's been 4 years from that period. My bf is asking me for marriage. I wanted to convience my parents. But I m not able to tell them. And my Bf is less educated and I am employed graduate person. He works as a driver,but loves me a core. What shall I do to convience my parent. As Im of 25 years old and he is one year elder then me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a challenging situation. If you want to convince your parents, the first thing is to acknowledge their concerns. It is normal for parents to be worried about their child's future. You mentioned your partner is comparatively less educated than you and works as a driver; while every profession is equally important and as long as he is honest and hardworking and puts food on the table, he is doing well, parents can find the financial situation a little concerning. Instead of avoiding or being defensive about these concerns, address them. Let them know how you plan on tackling these differences in your relationship. Emphasize his character, personality, and all the qualities that drew you to him. Tell them how you have been in a stable relationship for 4 years, despite all the odds. In today's day and age, that is a huge thing. Convincing them would also require you to show that you are mature enough to make this decision so have the discussion once you and your partner have a solid plan and have the nitty-gritty all sorted.

Be practical and do not expect them to be onboard immediately. They have your best interest at heart and you know that your situation isn't ideal. Give them time to come around. It might take some compromises as well.

In the end, I would also urge you to think this through before introducing the relationship to your parents. Marriage is a big decision. Ultimately, it's your happiness and life at stake. Don't rush.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |444 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I have been in a relationship with a guy since 10th grade its been 11 years now so we decided to tell our parents his family had no issues and he is currently in canada as a music student he has even started his own event management company but its still just beginning. My parents reacted in a healthy manner but the moment they came to know about inter caste and his financial status( not upto the mark) they had straight forwardly said no with alotbof drama and foul words even. Its been 9 months now im still waiting for them to agree but they are insisting me to move on and go for arrange marriage. I on the other hand belong to business family and has never done any job. But all this while i have cane to know i cant live without my parents or my bf and definitely not get marriaed to someone else. Please help me out what to do!
Ans: First, acknowledge that this situation requires careful navigation. Your relationship has stood the test of time, and clearly, you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, especially given that you've been together for 11 years. His dedication to pursuing his dreams in Canada and building his career in music and event management is admirable, even if his financial situation isn't yet stable. What you need to assess is whether you're willing to stand by him as he grows and whether you share the same vision for the future.

On the other hand, your parents’ concerns seem to stem from their desire for you to have a secure future, especially given your family's business background. They are likely looking for someone who fits into their worldview of stability, and this has led to their reaction when they learned about the inter-caste relationship and your boyfriend’s current financial situation. Their opposition is likely based on their love for you, but the drama and foul words, while hurtful, might reflect their frustration at feeling like they're losing control over your future.

You’ve expressed that you don’t want to lose either your parents or your boyfriend, and that’s where the conflict lies. In this case, the solution isn’t simple, but it can start with communication. It might be helpful to have an open, calm conversation with your parents—not to argue or change their minds immediately, but to help them understand your feelings. Let them know how much you value their opinion, but also explain why you love your boyfriend and why you believe in his potential. Sometimes parents need time to understand that relationships aren't only about caste or financial standing, but also about trust, love, and shared dreams.

At the same time, you might need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your future together, especially given that he's still in the early stages of his career. Be honest about the pressure you're feeling from your family and make sure you're both on the same page about your long-term goals, including how you might handle financial challenges.

It's also important to remember that this decision is yours to make. You are in a unique position, being part of a business family, which means that you've likely been sheltered from certain financial realities. If you do choose to marry your boyfriend, the lifestyle may not immediately match what you’re used to. But if you're confident in his ambition and in the strength of your relationship, then that’s something worth considering as part of your future.

Lastly, while it’s painful to feel like you have to choose between two important parts of your life, it’s possible to work towards a solution that doesn’t leave you with regrets. Give your parents time to see your perspective, but also recognize that their acceptance might take longer than you’d like. In the meantime, staying true to what you value most in life—whether that’s love, security, or family harmony—will guide your decision-making process.

You might also benefit from seeking guidance from a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, who can help you navigate these conversations with both your parents and your boyfriend. This way, you can approach the situation with emotional clarity and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Money
Sir Namaste, I have been investing 20000 in almost Funds approx 18 funds, and in some funds 1 Lakhs total investments value is 25 Lakhs, few are performing well and few are under performing, I'm 44 years old,,, Large, Mid And Small Funds with ratio of 40% - 50%- 10%..
Ans: At age 44, having Rs. 25 lakhs invested in mutual funds is commendable. However, managing 18 funds may create unnecessary complexity. Below is a detailed evaluation of your portfolio and suggestions to optimise it for better performance and alignment with your goals.

Strengths of Your Portfolio
Significant Investment Corpus
You have built a sizeable corpus, which is a strong financial base.

Diversification Across Market Caps
Allocating 40% to large-cap, 50% to mid-cap, and 10% to small-cap is balanced.

Focus on Long-Term Investing
Staying invested for the long term helps in compounding wealth.

Areas for Improvement
1. Over-diversification

Holding 18 funds may result in overlapping stocks and reduced diversification benefits.
Tracking and managing so many funds can be challenging.
Recommendation

Consolidate your portfolio to 5-7 funds across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap categories.
2. Underperforming Funds

Some funds in your portfolio are not performing well.
Continuing with such funds may drag down overall returns.
Recommendation

Review the 3-year and 5-year performance of each fund against its benchmark.
Replace consistently underperforming funds with better-performing ones.
3. Small-Cap Allocation

Small-cap funds have higher growth potential but also higher volatility.
A 10% allocation may not significantly impact overall returns.
Recommendation

Increase small-cap exposure to 15%-20% if you can handle moderate risk.
4. Fund Overlap

Multiple funds in similar categories (e.g., large-cap or mid-cap) may hold the same stocks.
This limits the benefits of diversification.
Recommendation

Use fund analysis tools to identify overlapping holdings.
Retain funds with distinct investment strategies.
Optimised Portfolio Allocation
Here is a suggested allocation for better management:

Large-Cap Funds (40%-50%): Stable returns with low volatility.
Mid-Cap Funds (30%-40%): High growth potential with moderate risk.
Small-Cap Funds (15%-20%): Higher returns for long-term goals.
Steps to Optimise Your Portfolio
1. Consolidate Funds

Retain 2 large-cap, 2 mid-cap, and 1 small-cap fund.
Add a flexi-cap fund for dynamic allocation across market caps.
2. Increase SIP Contributions

If feasible, increase monthly SIP amounts to enhance long-term corpus.
Prioritise funds with consistent performance and low expense ratios.
3. Rebalance Annually

Review your portfolio once a year to align with market conditions.
Rebalance to maintain your desired asset allocation.
4. Focus on Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds can outperform the market in India.
Avoid index funds or ETFs as they limit flexibility and adaptability.
5. Monitor Performance Regularly

Track fund performance against benchmarks and peers.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for detailed insights.
Tax Considerations
Equity mutual funds attract LTCG tax of 12.5% for gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh.
Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.
Recommendation

Avoid frequent redemptions to minimise tax liabilities.
Redeem funds strategically to maximise tax efficiency.
Final Insights
Your portfolio shows strong financial discipline and focus on long-term goals.

Consolidating your funds will simplify management and improve returns.

Focus on high-performing funds while maintaining diversification across market caps.

Rebalancing annually will help in staying aligned with your financial objectives.

Stay invested with discipline to achieve your financial milestones.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024Hindi
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Money
Namaste ???? ji Mere pass 2 lac rupees saving hai mujhe bataye mein kis sector me invest karu ya fir koi achhe stock jo king term k liye best ho apni ray de?
Ans: It’s great that you are considering investing for the long term. Here is a detailed plan for you:

Start with a Diversified Mutual Fund
Direct investment in stocks requires time, research, and expertise.

A diversified mutual fund is better for beginners and long-term growth.

Choose actively managed flexi-cap or large-cap equity funds.

These funds balance risk and reward effectively.

Avoid Sector-Specific Investments Initially
Sectoral funds or stocks (like technology, pharma) are volatile.
Invest in these only after building basic financial knowledge.
Build a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Instead of investing Rs. 2 lakh at once, use SIPs.
Invest Rs. 10,000–20,000 monthly in equity mutual funds.
This spreads risk and captures market fluctuations effectively.
Emergency Fund First
Keep at least Rs. 50,000 in a savings account or liquid fund.
This acts as a safety net for emergencies.
For Direct Stock Investment
If you want to invest in stocks:

Focus on companies with strong fundamentals and consistent growth.
Avoid high-risk penny stocks or speculative trades.
Look into large-cap companies with leadership in their industries.
Examples of industries to consider:

Banking and Financials: Well-established players for consistent returns.
Consumer Goods: Reliable performance even in volatile markets.
IT Sector: Long-term growth prospects with global exposure.
Key Points to Remember
Invest with a horizon of at least 5-10 years for meaningful growth.
Diversify your investments to reduce risk.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for detailed guidance.
Stay disciplined and avoid emotional decisions during market fluctuations.
Final Insights
Starting with mutual funds is the safest and most efficient way.

Direct stocks require significant time and understanding.

Ensure your investments align with your goals and risk tolerance.

With the right approach, Rs. 2 lakh can grow into significant wealth over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Nikunjji, i am 45 years old & taken the following Mutual fund SIP for long term (approx 15-20 yrs) 1) Aditya birla sunlife india Gen next fund growth @ Rs. 3000/- per month 2) HDFC retirement saving fund equity plan growth plan growth option - Rs.10000/- per month 3) Aditya birla sunlife digital india fund- growth plan - Rs. 5000/- per month 4) Nippon india large cap fund - growth plan - Rs100000 lumsum 5) Parag parikh flexi cap fund-growth - Rs. 100000 lumsum 6) HDFC flexi cap fund growth option - Rs. 50000 lumsum 7) Aditya birla sunlife equity hybrid 95 fund growth - Rs. 50000 lumsum Request you to please review my above plan & advise taking into consideration the long term planning
Ans: Your portfolio reflects a disciplined approach to long-term wealth creation. Investing with a horizon of 15-20 years is an excellent strategy. Below is a detailed assessment and suggestions for optimisation.

Strengths of Your Portfolio
Diversification Across Asset Classes
Your portfolio includes equity-focused funds and hybrid funds. This diversification reduces risks.

Allocation to Flexi-Cap Funds
Including flexi-cap funds provides balanced exposure to large, mid, and small-cap companies.

Focus on Growth
Growth options in your funds allow compounding over the long term.

Systematic Investments
SIPs ensure disciplined investing and rupee-cost averaging.

Lump Sum Investments
Lump sum investments supplement SIPs by capturing market opportunities.

Areas for Improvement
1. Portfolio Overlap

Multiple funds in your portfolio might overlap in underlying investments.
For instance, flexi-cap and large-cap funds may invest in similar stocks.
Overlap reduces diversification benefits.
Recommendation

Evaluate fund portfolios with a Certified Financial Planner to identify overlap.
Retain funds with distinct investment strategies.
2. Sectoral Funds Risk

Sectoral funds focus on specific industries like technology or consumption.
These funds are highly volatile and carry higher risk.
Recommendation

Limit sectoral fund exposure to 10% of your portfolio.
Instead, focus on diversified funds for consistent growth.
3. Hybrid Fund Allocation

Hybrid funds mix equity and debt, offering balanced risk and returns.
However, they might underperform pure equity funds in long bull markets.
Recommendation

Reassess hybrid fund allocation based on your risk tolerance.
Consider increasing equity fund allocation for long-term goals.
4. Tax Efficiency

Equity mutual funds have specific tax implications under new rules:
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Recommendation

Plan withdrawals to optimise tax liabilities.
Avoid frequent withdrawals to maximise compounding.
Suggestions for Portfolio Optimisation
1. Consolidate Mutual Funds

Retain 4-5 funds across different categories: large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap.
This reduces complexity and improves portfolio tracking.
2. Increase SIP Contributions

SIPs offer the advantage of disciplined investing and rupee-cost averaging.
Increase your SIPs gradually to enhance long-term corpus.
3. Focus on Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds outperform index funds in emerging markets like India.
They adapt to market conditions and deliver superior returns.
4. Review Fund Performance Annually

Monitor fund performance against benchmarks and peers.
Replace consistently underperforming funds after consulting a Certified Financial Planner.
5. Maintain an Emergency Fund

Keep 6-12 months’ expenses in a liquid fund or FD.
This ensures liquidity for unforeseen needs.
Retirement Planning Considerations
1. Corpus Target of Rs. 8 Crores

Achieving Rs. 8 crore requires consistent investments and strategic planning.
SIPs and lump sums in equity mutual funds are ideal for wealth creation.
2. Inflation Adjustment

Plan your retirement corpus keeping inflation at 6-7% annually in mind.
Ensure your investment strategy beats inflation over the long term.
3. Health Coverage

Health costs rise significantly in retirement.
Review your health insurance coverage to ensure sufficient protection.
4. Withdrawal Strategy

Adopt a systematic withdrawal plan (SWP) in retirement.
This ensures steady income while preserving your corpus.
Additional Considerations
1. Avoid Emotional Decisions

Market volatility is normal in long-term investments.
Stick to your plan and avoid reacting to short-term fluctuations.
2. Revisit Goals Periodically

Review your financial goals every 2-3 years.
Adjust your portfolio if your financial situation or goals change.
3. Stay Informed

Understand the funds you invest in.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for insights and guidance.
4. Avoid Direct Funds

Direct funds may seem cost-effective but lack expert advice.
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures informed decisions.
Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-structured for long-term wealth creation.

Consolidate funds to reduce overlap and complexity.

Focus on actively managed funds for superior returns.

Limit sectoral exposure to balance risk and reward.

Maintain discipline in SIPs and stay invested for the long term.

With these strategies, you can achieve your financial goals effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024
Relationship
I have a question that I’ve been too embarrassed to ask anyone, but I feel like it’s time to get some clarity. I’m a woman in my early 30s, in a stable relationship, but recently, I’ve been noticing something that’s throwing me off track. I’ve been having a lot of intense sexual thoughts that I can’t seem to shake off. It's not just about attraction to my partner; these thoughts are more spontaneous and often come at the most random moments. They feel almost uncontrollable, and it’s starting to affect how I see myself. I feel like I’m living in two worlds – one where I’m a responsible adult, and the other where these lustful feelings seem to take over, and it’s hard to focus on anything else. I’ve tried suppressing them, distracting myself, but it feels like they come back stronger, almost like my mind has a mind of its own! It’s frustrating, and honestly, I’m not sure if I should feel guilty or empowered by these urges. How do I handle this without feeling like I’m losing control? Any tips on how to balance my desires with my everyday life?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Lust and behaviors that arise from it are just one aspect of your life not the only thing. When you get consumed with it in a way that it starts to impact your daily living, then hey, you have to do something really heavy to make a change.
Now, what can that be? A new skill, a hobby...these kind of challenges keep the mind in a learning mode and channelizes your energies into another thing as well.
But of course, do make sure that you and your partner are also having your share of intimacy. This along with learning something new can ideally do the magic. Also, put on those gym shoes, running shoes or anything that gets you enough physical activity. See where all this goes...
On, and guilt, is quite a wasteful job in your case...so drop it and focus on newer things that keep you on your toes.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I need some advice that’s a bit out of the ordinary. I’ve been married for 8 years, and my wife and I have recently been discussing investing in property together. The twist is, we have very different ideas on what to do with it. I’ve always been more of a numbers person—thinking about it as a solid financial investment. I want to buy something that will increase in value over time and add to our financial security. On the other hand, my wife sees it more as a home. She’s emotionally attached to the idea of a cozy, dream house, somewhere we can raise our family and enjoy life together. So, we’ve been butting heads a bit, as I’m leaning more towards an investment property in a growing area, while she’s looking for something more in line with what we want to live in now. It’s getting a little tense between us because I feel like she’s not seeing the financial side of things, and she thinks I’m too focused on money and not on our happiness. Is there a middle ground where we can both be happy?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, it's dream v/s practicality, yeah?
When you get to a stalemate situation like the one you and your wife are in, the best way is to go back to the Square A.
Start where you began when you married...list down what's important to each of you and somewhere in your case, it will lead not just to her wants and yours, but it will go back to money and financial prudence. When you hit this, come to an understanding as to how you will overcome this; it has to be mutually agreed upon. Then bring your current home buying issue and solve it just like the way you sorted your differences over finances. Try it...it will work...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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