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Love vs. Family: Should I Marry My Boyfriend Despite Caste Differences?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 25, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Siya Question by Siya on Dec 07, 2024Hindi
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I am 28 years old and have been in relation for 3.8 yr my bf parents wanted him to get married they are fine wth me but problem was he is from SC category and my parents are not agreeging and i have 2 younger sister as well , if i secretly marry my bf then my sisters will not b able to get married , what should i do .i love my parents soo much sice me and my bf were preparing for upsc we dont have any job till now , we are just beginning our careers in private sector. My father has problem wth he being from SC and i am gurjar . What should i do and now my bf parents are forcing him to get married to another girl. What sould do and how to handle this situation

Ans: Dear Siya,
Either you go with what your parents say OR completely go your way. You can't sadly have it all...what can you do when you are emotionally weighed down by the fact that one decision against your parents and your sisters may not get married. It's a lot to handle...
Choose one side and stick with it; but do understand it will come with its own set of challenges and hope that someday things will settle down and work itself out.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Madam i am 21 years old having a good post at central government as at erly age i got job and i joint it now i am 22 and having a boyfriend he is also central government officer and he is age 29 bu despite of the age gap the love bloomed and we are so in love with each other i told my family early tge condition and said that i want to marry him but my parents said after 25 we will ger u married but by sharing this at hone they are not having trust on mr and are being insecure and wants me to leave a government job and to come home because he is not from same caste and it will also be interstate marriage my family is having the fear of relatives and my mother us against of it they are saying intercaste marriage we will not support or accept continuously emotional blackmail to me trying to manipulate, brainwash me and abusing me emotionally verbally and physically. what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Inter-faith marriages are still a big NO NO in many homes and yours is not an exception. Like in many other cases, my suggestion has been that both sides must want to get to know the other person. Like your parents need to see a different side of your boyfriend to be willing to accept him.
What is it that he can bring in their daughter's life that will ease their concerns about his faith/religion?
So, your boyfriend must be willing to be patient and make efforts on his part to integrate into your family. It takes time, so be patient.
Now, for your job...do not confuse emotions and your job. Your parents feels that you might take drastic steps with your boyfriend and hence want you closer to home so that they can keep an eye on you. Address this concern by being mature and immersing yourself more into work that gives them the confidence that you are not about to do anything behind their back.
Addressing what bothers them is a better way out rather than trying to convince them...as the same issues will keep coming back if you force them to accept something. So, be patient and responsible for things to sort themselves out...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
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I have been in a relationship with a guy since 10th grade its been 11 years now so we decided to tell our parents his family had no issues and he is currently in canada as a music student he has even started his own event management company but its still just beginning. My parents reacted in a healthy manner but the moment they came to know about inter caste and his financial status( not upto the mark) they had straight forwardly said no with alotbof drama and foul words even. Its been 9 months now im still waiting for them to agree but they are insisting me to move on and go for arrange marriage. I on the other hand belong to business family and has never done any job. But all this while i have cane to know i cant live without my parents or my bf and definitely not get marriaed to someone else. Please help me out what to do!
Ans: First, acknowledge that this situation requires careful navigation. Your relationship has stood the test of time, and clearly, you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, especially given that you've been together for 11 years. His dedication to pursuing his dreams in Canada and building his career in music and event management is admirable, even if his financial situation isn't yet stable. What you need to assess is whether you're willing to stand by him as he grows and whether you share the same vision for the future.

On the other hand, your parents’ concerns seem to stem from their desire for you to have a secure future, especially given your family's business background. They are likely looking for someone who fits into their worldview of stability, and this has led to their reaction when they learned about the inter-caste relationship and your boyfriend’s current financial situation. Their opposition is likely based on their love for you, but the drama and foul words, while hurtful, might reflect their frustration at feeling like they're losing control over your future.

You’ve expressed that you don’t want to lose either your parents or your boyfriend, and that’s where the conflict lies. In this case, the solution isn’t simple, but it can start with communication. It might be helpful to have an open, calm conversation with your parents—not to argue or change their minds immediately, but to help them understand your feelings. Let them know how much you value their opinion, but also explain why you love your boyfriend and why you believe in his potential. Sometimes parents need time to understand that relationships aren't only about caste or financial standing, but also about trust, love, and shared dreams.

At the same time, you might need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your future together, especially given that he's still in the early stages of his career. Be honest about the pressure you're feeling from your family and make sure you're both on the same page about your long-term goals, including how you might handle financial challenges.

It's also important to remember that this decision is yours to make. You are in a unique position, being part of a business family, which means that you've likely been sheltered from certain financial realities. If you do choose to marry your boyfriend, the lifestyle may not immediately match what you’re used to. But if you're confident in his ambition and in the strength of your relationship, then that’s something worth considering as part of your future.

Lastly, while it’s painful to feel like you have to choose between two important parts of your life, it’s possible to work towards a solution that doesn’t leave you with regrets. Give your parents time to see your perspective, but also recognize that their acceptance might take longer than you’d like. In the meantime, staying true to what you value most in life—whether that’s love, security, or family harmony—will guide your decision-making process.

You might also benefit from seeking guidance from a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, who can help you navigate these conversations with both your parents and your boyfriend. This way, you can approach the situation with emotional clarity and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

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hi maam im in love with a guy who i met in hyd im 24 years nd he is 28 we both r in love with eachother and wanna marry eachother but the prblm is that i come from a christian family and he comes from a hindu family my mom is not ready to accept him just because he is a hindu and my family r forcing me to get married to a christian guy itself they r mentally forcing me everyday to leave him just because he is a hindu nd our caste is different my family seperated me from him and forcing me to get married to a guy of their choice and in my family there r 16 members who have had love marriages i took help of my relative who also had a love marriage to convince my parents and help us to get married but she is the one who add more fake rumors and more fuel about him that he is doing timepass even if they talk to him in calls they say that he is not lifting our calls at all i have all the recordings but still they r lying to me nd my mom saying that he is not ready to talk about her it became difficult for me to convince them my mom listen to my relatives as they say and so they do i dont have anyone to support me to get married to my bf plz help i wanna marry him only and i see future with him he is the only one who make me laugh play with me like how a dad plays with his daughter i havent got the love from my parents when im getting the love from him they seperated me from him and forcefully bought me to my native place nd not letting me meet or see him im depressed asking my parents to meet him but they r like no we dont like him my parents r not ready to understand and they r saying he is with u only for ur money he also told my relatives that i dont want money but still they r keeping on adding fuel and mentally harrasing me to get married to someone else they r forcefully trying to get me married to someone else i wanna marry him only what should i do plz help i love him so does he
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
What caught my eye was the fact that you seem to have found the love that parents give their children with this person. This is not healthy as you are searching for what you lack in someone else. Work on this...and if this is the reason that you actually are in love with this person, you really need to work it.
Now when it comes to your parents' acceptance, your partner has to put in efforts to win them over and on your part rather than playing this emotionally with them, make your parents see what you see in your partner in terms of traits, qualities etc...And the less you involve family members into this circus, the better. At times, people come to have their share of fun by making things worse...So, be wise about who you involve.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8825 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

Career
Hello Sir i haved posted my question earlier too. My son scored 76233rank in jee mains. Mhtcet 98.6.we have already enroled in Manipal main campus fir ece. Mhtcet councelling has not yet started. If he gets vjit or coep ece branch should we switch collage. Is Manipal a good option
Ans: Ranjeeta Madam, Manipal Institute of Technology (MIT) Manipal’s B.Tech in Electronics & Communication Engineering benefits from NAAC A++ accreditation, PhD-qualified faculty, modern VLSI, signal-processing and IoT labs, and a dedicated placement cell that records around an 80–85% ECE placement consistency over recent years¹. Vidya VJTI Pune’s ECE branch achieved an 82% placement rate in 2025, hosting top recruiters such as Microsoft, Amazon and TCS, with rigorous industry collaborations and a legacy campus infrastructure². COEP Pune’s Electronics & Telecommunication Engineering reports an 85.87% placement rate, backed by NIRF ranking among top engineering institutes, state-of-the-art labs and over 198 participating companies³. Each institution offers strong academic frameworks, substantial industry tie-ups, robust labs and sizable recruiter networks, though COEP’s government-funded status and VJTI’s central-Mumbai location provide added prestige and local connectivity.

Recommendation: Retain the Manipal seat if you value a globally diverse campus environment, flexible elective streams and established industry partnerships (however, check its REFUND policy/Last Date to withdraw the allotted seat, if your son has got better option through MHT-CET); consider switching to COEP Pune for its top-tier NIRF standing, slightly higher ECE placement consistency and government-backed credentials; VJTI Pune is a solid alternative for centralized urban access and reputable placements in electronics. My suggestion: While Manipal is a highly regarded, NIRF-ranked institution, it is advisable to consider securing admission to one of the top three engineering colleges in Maharashtra through MHT-CET, especially as this can offer significant benefits connected to your state and location, including preferential seat allocation, local support, and long-term career opportunities within your home region. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8825 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 15, 2025

Career
Hi sir I got 94 percentile in cet with obc caste which clg in Mumbai I can get for cse
Ans: Om, With a 94 percentile in MHT CET under the OBC category and Maharashtra domicile, you have excellent admission prospects at numerous reputable engineering colleges in Mumbai for Computer Science Engineering and allied branches. A 94 percentile typically corresponds to ranks around 15,000-20,000, which qualifies for assured admission through MHT CET counselling at institutes whose OBC category cutoffs fall at or below this percentile. These ten colleges are AICTE-approved, NBA/NAAC-accredited, feature modern computing and AI/ML labs, experienced faculty, strong industry partnerships, and placement cells recording 75-92% branch-wise placements over the last three years. Thakur College of Engineering and Technology, Kandivali East, Mumbai. Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Technology, Andheri West, Mumbai. Vidyalankar Institute of Technology, Wadala, Mumbai. Xavier Institute of Engineering, Mahim, Mumbai. Vivekananda Education Society's Institute of Technology, Chembur, Mumbai. Atharva College of Engineering, Malad, Mumbai. Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology, Nerul, Mumbai. Bharati Vidyapeeth College of Engineering, Kharghar, Mumbai. K.J. Somaiya Institute of Technology, Vidyavihar, Mumbai. St. Francis Institute of Technology, Borivali West, Mumbai.

Recommendation: Prioritize Thakur College of Engineering and Technology, Kandivali East, Mumbai for its comprehensive CSE curriculum, modern AI/ML infrastructure, and strong placement consistency averaging 90% with top-tier recruiters. Next, choose Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Technology, Andheri West, Mumbai for its urban location and consistent 93% placement record. Then select Vidyalankar Institute of Technology, Wadala, Mumbai for its established computing labs and 85% placement rate. Consider Xavier Institute of Engineering, Mahim, Mumbai for its strong industry partnerships and dedicated placement cell, and finally opt for Vivekananda Education Society's Institute of Technology, Chembur, Mumbai for its balanced academic-industry focus and consistent recruiter engagement. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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