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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Aditya Question by Aditya on Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am 30 and its 2 years i have started SIP of ?5k in icici prudential multi asset fund , ?7k in quant elss tax saver fund. I am ready to invest 10k more in sip. Can you please suggest some.

Ans: Two years into your SIP journey, already? That's fantastic! Remember that feeling of starting out, unsure but determined? Well, pat yourself on the back – you're building a secure future, brick by brick. And now you're ready for the next step, like a wise king expanding his kingdom!

Here's the thing: you've got a good foundation with your existing SIPs. The multi-asset fund helps balance things out, while the ELSS fund gives your taxes a haircut – that's a smart king, you are!

Now, with an extra 10k to deploy, consider adding another SIP. Think of it as diversifying your army – you wouldn't want just archers, would you? A well-rounded portfolio helps manage risk. Talk to a fee-based Certified Financial Planner – they're like your royal advisor – to see if a mid-cap or a sector-specific fund might be a good fit for your goals.

Remember, investing is a marathon, not a sprint. Stay focused, keep those SIPs flowing, and watch your future grow like a bountiful harvest!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Sanjeev Govila  |458 Answers  |Ask -

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My Age is 43. my monthly salary is 60K. I am willing to start SIP from Jan-2024. I have a home loan of 20 Lakhs for 20 yrs and have been paying since 2021@ interest rate of 9.15. Other investments are 4 LIC perimium of 1.25 Lakhs annually. I want to invest 10K monthly in best SIP for next 15-20 yrs. Kindly suggest best SIP funds that I can invest to secure my my retirement and family in future. Thank you.
Ans: Selecting a mutual fund for your investment should depend on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. Since you're 43 years old, it's crucial to consider factors like how soon you need the money and how comfortable you are with risk. Here are some suggestions for mutual funds to consider, but please consult with a financial advisor for personalized advice:


Diversified Equity Funds: Since you have a longer investment horizon (5+ years) and if you can tolerate moderate risk, consider diversified equity funds. These funds invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks. Examples include SBI Bluechip Fund,Kotak Flexi Cap Fund,TATA Large & Mid Cap

Balanced Funds: These funds invest in a mix of stocks and bonds, which can provide more stability. They are suitable if you have a moderate risk tolerance and a medium-term investment horizon. HDFC Hybrid Equity Fund and ICICI Prudential Balanced Advantage Fund are some options.

Debt Funds and Fixed Rate Instruments: If you're risk-averse and need a regular income stream, debt mutual funds could be appropriate. Also, you can consider other fixed rate instruments like Corporate FDs, Private Bonds, P2P Investments, G-Sec Bonds etc as lucrative interest rate scenario prevailing in economy and its good time to lock the money in high yielding debt products.

Index Funds: If you prefer a passive approach to investing, index funds could be a good fit. They aim to replicate the performance of a specific index like the Nifty 50 or Sensex. UTI Nifty Index Fund and HDFC Index Fund - Nifty 50 Plan are examples.

Diversify your investments across a range of asset classes and different investment avenues as stated above to avoid concertation risk and putting all your eggs in one basket.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Hi I’m 23 years old and I want to invest 5k per month in Sip for at least 20 years. Can you please suggest some sip's?
Ans: Kickstarting Your Investment Journey at 23: A Smart Move!
Investing ?5,000 per month through SIPs for 20 years is a fantastic decision at your young age! Here are some ideas for potential SIP investments, but remember, this is not financial advice:

Building a Diversified Portfolio:

Equity Funds: Consider investing a portion in equity funds that offer growth potential over the long term. Actively managed equity funds involve experienced fund managers who try to pick stocks to outperform the market. Actively managed funds come with higher fees compared to passively managed funds. You can explore Large-cap, Mid-cap, or Flexi-cap funds based on your risk tolerance.

Debt Funds: Invest a portion in debt funds for stability and to balance your portfolio's risk profile. Debt funds can provide regular income and help manage volatility.

Here's a Sample SIP Allocation (you can adjust based on risk tolerance):

60%: Large-cap or Multi-cap Actively Managed Equity Funds for long-term growth.

20%: Mid-cap Actively Managed Equity Funds for potentially higher growth (with higher risk).

20%: Debt Funds (short/medium/long-term) for stability and income generation.

Important to Remember:

Do Your Research: Research actively managed funds and choose those with a good track record and a reputable fund house.

Review Regularly: Review your SIPs at least annually to ensure they remain aligned with your goals and risk tolerance.

Seeking Professional Guidance:

Personalized Plan: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can create a personalized SIP plan considering your risk tolerance, investment goals, and future needs. They can suggest specific actively managed funds based on your risk profile.
By starting early, staying invested for the long term, and potentially consulting a CFP, you can be on track to achieving your financial goals!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 20, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 34 years old, planning to resign my job after 10 years, want to invest 20000/month in sip, so that i will a get a good amount after 10 yrs, pls suggest which SIP s i need to choose
Ans: At 34 years old, planning for a 10-year investment horizon is a smart move. Resigning from your job after 10 years means you will need a strong corpus to support your financial needs. Investing Rs. 20,000 per month in SIPs is a solid step, but choosing the right mix of funds is crucial for growth, stability, and capital preservation over the long term.

Let’s go through some strategies that can help you reach your goals. I will also provide insights into SIP selections that suit your situation.

Asset Allocation Strategy
Your investments should be balanced between equity and debt to ensure a steady growth rate while managing risk. Given your 10-year horizon, the majority of your SIPs can be focused on equity mutual funds.

Here’s how you can think about the allocation:

Equity Mutual Funds (70%): These funds can give you high returns over the long term. However, they come with risk, so diversification is essential. Investing in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds will give you exposure to different sectors of the market.

Debt Funds (30%): Debt mutual funds offer stability and safety for your investment. They can act as a cushion during market volatility.

This mix will give you a blend of growth and risk management.

Importance of Actively Managed Funds
Many investors consider index funds or ETFs as low-cost alternatives, but in your case, actively managed funds might serve you better.

Here’s why:

Index Funds vs. Actively Managed Funds: Index funds track the market, meaning they cannot outperform it. However, actively managed funds have professional fund managers who select stocks and bonds to outperform the market. This can lead to higher returns over time.

Flexibility in Actively Managed Funds: Fund managers can adjust the portfolio based on market conditions. In volatile times, they can switch to safer assets or sectors. This kind of active management adds value, especially when you're looking at a 10-year investment horizon.

Benefits of Regular Plans over Direct Plans
While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they don’t offer professional guidance. In your case, it’s best to invest in regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials.

Here’s why:

Better Guidance: An MFD with CFP certification offers valuable insights into market conditions and the best performing funds. This ensures that your investments are reviewed regularly.

Portfolio Monitoring: Direct funds put the responsibility of managing your portfolio on you. With regular plans, the MFD monitors your portfolio, ensuring your SIPs align with your goals.

Equity Fund Categories to Consider
When investing Rs. 20,000 monthly, diversification is essential. Here are some key fund categories that you should consider, without naming specific schemes:

Large-Cap Funds: These funds invest in stable and well-established companies. They offer steady returns over time with lower risk compared to mid or small-cap funds. Large-cap funds are ideal for core holdings in your portfolio.

Mid-Cap Funds: These funds focus on companies that are in their growth phase. While they are riskier than large-cap funds, they can provide higher returns. Having exposure to mid-cap funds can boost your overall returns.

Small-Cap Funds: These funds target small companies with high growth potential. They come with a higher risk, but over a 10-year period, they have the potential to generate significant returns. Invest in small-cap funds only if you are comfortable with short-term market fluctuations.

Flexi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across market capitalizations (large, mid, and small). They offer flexibility and help you benefit from different market conditions. Flexi-cap funds provide a balanced approach to growth and risk management.

Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds switch between equity and debt based on market conditions. They provide stability in volatile markets and can be a part of your SIP strategy to protect your corpus from excessive risk.

Role of Debt Funds in Your Portfolio
While equity funds will drive your growth, debt funds play an important role in reducing volatility. These funds are safer but offer lower returns. Since you are investing for 10 years, you can allocate a portion of your monthly SIP to debt funds to provide stability to your portfolio.

Some categories to consider include:

Short-Term Debt Funds: These funds offer good liquidity and are less sensitive to interest rate changes. They can provide steady returns while keeping risk low.

Corporate Bond Funds: These funds invest in high-rated corporate bonds. They offer slightly higher returns than government bonds but come with a bit more risk.

Lump Sum Investment for Long-Term Growth
You mentioned having Rs. 3 lakhs to invest as a lump sum. A good approach would be to invest this amount in a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP).

Here’s how it works:

STP Strategy: Invest the Rs. 3 lakh lump sum into a low-risk debt fund initially. Then, gradually transfer a fixed amount into an equity mutual fund over time. This ensures you benefit from rupee-cost averaging and reduces the risk of investing a large amount during a market high.

Diversified Equity Fund: You can transfer the lump sum into a diversified equity fund. This will allow you to benefit from market growth while reducing the impact of short-term market fluctuations.

Tax Implications to Keep in Mind
When investing for a 10-year period, it’s important to be aware of the tax implications of your investments.

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity funds over Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Keep this in mind when redeeming units after 10 years.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both LTCG and STCG on debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab. This means your returns from debt funds will be added to your income for tax purposes.

This taxation aspect is crucial when planning withdrawals after 10 years.

Increasing Your SIP Contribution
Given your income of Rs. 1.80 lakh monthly and no existing liabilities, it’s advisable to increase your SIP contributions gradually.

Here’s why:

Step-Up SIP: This is a facility where you increase your SIP amount each year. By doing this, your corpus grows faster, allowing you to reach your goal sooner. A small increase of 10-15% each year can make a big difference over 10 years.

Compounding Effect: By increasing your SIP every year, you benefit from the power of compounding. The longer you stay invested and the more you invest, the greater your returns will be over time.

Emergency Fund Consideration
You mentioned that you have Rs. 60 lakh in Fixed Deposits (FDs). While this is a good emergency fund, you might want to reallocate a portion to debt mutual funds. Debt mutual funds can provide better returns than FDs over time, with similar safety.

Here’s how you can manage this:

FDs vs. Debt Funds: FDs offer fixed returns but are less tax-efficient. Debt mutual funds, on the other hand, offer slightly higher returns and are more tax-efficient, especially if held for the long term.

Emergency Fund Size: Keep a portion of your FD as an emergency fund, but consider shifting the rest into debt mutual funds. This way, you’ll still have liquidity, but your money will work harder for you.

Final Insights
Your current SIP investments are well-diversified, but there is room for improvement. Increasing your SIP gradually, rebalancing between equity and debt, and using a systematic transfer plan for lump sum investments will all help boost your corpus over the next 10 years.

Additionally, keep an eye on tax implications when planning withdrawals.

With a disciplined approach, you can achieve your goal of building a solid corpus by the time you plan to resign.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Ans: Hello Mam, I understand that you are in a dilemma. The situation is like this. Either ways the situation will have its negative effect on your son. If possible take some time out from your family and spend some quality time with your husband. Clear negative thoughts from your mind regarding your husband and try to accept him. If you will think positive about your family it will reflect in your actions and then things will be sorted out. But one thing to be kept in mind that you should not tolerate physical abuse. Involve your parents in this and try to convince him to behave nicely with you. U can always start something online for your financial independence. Try this out. Take care ????
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I'm in a relationship since 7 years .we both are Hindus bt our castes differ...i belong to higher caste and he belongs to a lower caste which is definitely going to be a problem because I have a elder brother his marriage was also love marriage and his wife's caste also was bit lower to ours so I have seen lot of issues at home of father not getting convinced at all.... Now after thinking about everything I'm in a state of confusion if whether I was wrong about loving somebody without their knowledge since already elder brothers issues I had seen should I have thought about all this seriously before ? Parents won't be expecting sucha thing from me because I seem kinder and understandable than my brother....last year I did let this out to my mother that i like someone and all the details....bt she started with emotional drama like this wasn't expected from you though you wld have understood the issues from brothers marriage etc etc. she tried to approach me in a different way....like being nice and to withdraw frm this decision and to take a good ....my dad still don't know abt this... actually my mom was about to say bt she thought of giving me time and assumes eventually I'll take better decision for them ...there was so much of drama and hence aftr that wasn't being able to discuss abt his.... because im in a stage of job hunting if I let this out to father i won't be able to sit at home....I'm actually really very confused and now what to do....am i wrong here...my situation and my brothers situation is different know....just because I saw brother wedding issue....how long i wld have sat without being in a relationship... especially in this generation....this was something that happened by itself inspite of me not being oke to say yes to my partner later it became yes..it was all meant to be.... because he isn't my classmate or anything my classmates family friend and is elder to me....so i believe it was to happen....I want to actually arive in a perfect and or place....not being able to take proper decision....since I always consider myself unlucky ok scared to take any decision also....and also now wondering what all shld be the qualities i must look for before taking decision about my life partner....should it be looks ...family or caste.... economic class status etc.....please help... messed up. Current update : I have attended a interview...and results are still on processing stage but I am sure even if it's taking time I will get it because my interview feedback given was excellent just that since it's a MNC they are waiting for a position in a particular department I think hence delay , meanwhile since I'm 26 and me and my partner has a age difference of 6 years situations have become difficult. His parents pressures him for marriage and to see girls . But since he is in love with me he wants to wait ... because the pressure was increasing I had to tell my mother once again after one year and she was shocked again she thought I left this in this gap.... however I had taken this time for a better decision and time alloted for finding job , there began emotional drama again ..then I had to tell her to jst let my father know about this and if he asks me I will explain it. She was also worried because dad hasn't come out of all the traumas he had out of my brother's marriage because girl was from different caste. So my father had to answer a lot of questions from his siblings and society etc . My mother anyway agreed to talk to dad...she told the matter ...again house atmosphere changed entirely. I waited until dad asked me about this...waited for two days then he approached me and called and spoke asked about each and every details and then finally said like see him as a friend and take a better decision and he left just like that. After that I spoke to my mother , she said some concerns like looks mattered , caste was the main so that's why he is not being able to say anything and no parents would in the beginning itself talk positive about this ...will show resistance...that day I felt bit ok later after talking to mom , but later one day his father called my father and spoke they initiated they had a friendly talk and my father said he needs time and can't say anything now to his father. But I was thinking that he dint give a no reply straight away which was very surprising . But , after this situation my father saved this fathers number ...one day what happened was , he saw a status put by his father in which there was his parents with few other group people who weren't so good looking...so mistook it as their relatives and told mother to speak to me because this he can't even digest me to send to such a family since as a girls parent he has certain expectations also because his main issue is caste problem hevis finding one problem behind the other . My boyfriend belongs to a Tamil caste and mine is malayali native hence my boyfriend has a dark complexion maybe his parents and family too...but should all these matter to take a terrible final decision regarding our marriage? Even tho their complexion was dark Can't they have a good heart and shouldn't character be given priority than looks ? Just because parents want to show the society...how can i toss my life and find another person as they are saying? Do all that matter ?? I want to know your thoughts ... Also , how to convince a father who sticks on his own beliefs or who doesn't want to listen to their children because he thinks we haven't grown enough to teach him please suggest a way to make a person to listen ? My mother seems ok to this even she doesn't like so much ... bt only if father is ok and doesn't pass on this pressure to others... If any doubt can ask me I will clarify
Ans: First, you are not wrong for falling in love. Love doesn’t ask for caste, status, or complexion—it simply grows where there’s connection, care, and shared values. The world around us, especially family and society, can be heavily opinionated, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are any less valid. You've been trying to balance respect for your parents with loyalty to your partner, and that's not easy at all.

Your dad's resistance is clearly rooted in fear—fear of what society will say, fear of repeating a past that felt traumatic for him during your brother's marriage. His concern isn't necessarily about your partner’s character, but about how it looks to others. Unfortunately, a lot of our parents were raised to give more weight to "what people will say" than to personal happiness. It’s not your fault he carries that burden. You’re just trying to live a life that’s true to your heart.

Your boyfriend seems like someone who really cares about you and is ready to wait for you through all this. That's rare, and it matters. If his family was kind enough to approach yours respectfully, it shows they are willing to build a bridge. You’re not trying to force anything—you’re asking for space to make a decision with both head and heart involved.

As for appearance and caste: no, these should not be what define a life partner. A dark complexion or a different community cannot and should not outweigh honesty, kindness, emotional maturity, and shared values. Looks fade. Status changes. But someone’s nature stays. And in a marriage, when times are tough, it’s not the family’s last name or the shade of their skin that matters—it’s whether they stand by you or not.

You mentioned something powerful: that you believe this was “meant to happen.” And I agree—sometimes people enter our lives with a timing and connection that doesn’t make logical sense but feels profoundly right. That’s not something to toss aside easily.

Now, about convincing your father—it’s hard to change someone who is set in their ways, but here’s what you can try:

Let your mother be the mediator since she’s more open. Ask her to have slow, non-threatening conversations with him—not to pressure him, but just to help him understand that you are not making a hasty or rebellious choice. You’re thinking practically and from the heart. It’s not about rejecting their values but about choosing someone you can build a peaceful, respectful life with.

You could also write a heartfelt letter to your dad—sometimes, parents understand better when there’s no direct confrontation. Share your side, your fears, your respect for him, and your reasons for choosing this person. Let him know you still want to be his daughter, that you haven’t forgotten your family’s worth—you’re just hoping your happiness can also be valued.

Most importantly—give yourself credit for how well you’ve handled this. You’ve shown maturity, patience, and self-awareness. Even when it hurts, you’re not reacting with drama or impulse—you’re processing, reflecting, and trying to do the right thing.


And please don’t let anyone make you feel like your love is a mistake. You’ve loved with honesty and stood strong—no matter what comes next, that’s something to be proud of. I’m here to walk with you through this, one step at a time.

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My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

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My mother doesn't want to stay with me but she gladly stays with my brother and his wife I live all alone in a house and I feel left out as well as ostracised as well as excluded I feel like I am unwanted person and if I ever meet anyone like my relatives in any social setting I feel they are tolerating me I feel like an untouchable how do I cope up with this situation as there is no one for me no one I can rely on or nobody who has my back noone who I can share my problems with or call in case I feel sick or in case of an emergency.
Ans: Feeling excluded by family and sensing that others are merely "tolerating" you is a heavy emotional burden to carry. It can quietly erode your sense of self-worth, leaving you questioning your value, your place in the world, and your importance to the people who were meant to be your first support system. You're not being overly sensitive or dramatic—this kind of emotional isolation is deeply painful, and it makes perfect sense that you’re feeling untouchable and unsafe.

But here’s a gentle truth: you are not unwanted. You are not unworthy of love or care. The way others treat you does not define your worth. Sometimes, unfortunately, people—even family—fail to show up for us in the ways we need. That doesn’t mean you are broken or undeserving. It just means their limitations are getting in the way of what should have been a loving, supportive connection.

You’re already doing something powerful by voicing your truth here. That’s not a small step—it’s an act of bravery. And while I know I’m not physically there beside you, I want you to feel this as a moment of connection: someone does hear you, someone does see what you’re carrying, and it matters.

To cope with this, start with your emotional safety. Let yourself grieve—not just for the loneliness, but for the longing of what you deserve but haven’t received. Cry if you need to, write if it helps, let those feelings have their space rather than trying to bury them. This kind of pain doesn’t go away by pretending it’s not there.

And slowly, one step at a time, begin building your circle—not necessarily with blood ties, but with people who choose you. Is there someone in your past who was kind to you? A coworker, a neighbor, someone from college or a class you took? Even a single shared conversation can be a seed. It’s not about quantity, it’s about presence. The goal isn't to replace what’s missing—but to slowly start nurturing connections that are rooted in respect and care.

In moments of emergency or fear, consider having a plan. Even having the number of a nearby clinic, a trusted neighbor, or a local community support group can give you a thread of reassurance. And if you ever feel overwhelmed or unsafe with your thoughts, reaching out to a mental health helpline or counselor can make a real difference. You deserve help when you're hurting.

And here, whenever you need someone to talk to, I will always be here to listen—no judgment, no conditions. You matter. Your story matters. And even though the world may have made you feel like an outsider, I want you to believe this: there is a space where you belong.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 27, 2025Hindi
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Hello Maam I see a guy always staring at me. I wanted to ask him publically about this staring things. But instead of doing so I felt more comfortable in messaging and asking about the same. Once I checked his profile on Truecaller bcz we are in same society group. I was curious to know about his weird behaviour. He even give me intense states. I do not understand what he is upto. I feel like being stalked sometimes. So i got his number from society group. I texted him to clarify bt his wife called me and abused me badly. She thinks am trying to have an affair with her husband. I am flirting with him. My texts were plain and casual. I don't know how to make her understand that the guy himself is stalking us. I have seen him many times. I don't know whether m only victim or he persuade other woman too. I just don't know. We come at different time slots for our child to play in society play area bt he also manages to come to the time in which m coming. I find all these things unsettling. I told his wife that the man is making me feel uncomfortable but she was not listening to me. She wants prove. I told her that her husband was trying to approach and give advice related to parenting even when I don't know him personally. We are just flatmates nothing more than that. He lives in the flat in front of mine so i feel he is watching from there. I don't know his real intentions till date. On being asked on what's app why he stare at me. He told me that he has the habit of looking in one direction. N apologise for the same. But my husband confronted him and asked him about the same thing to which he told my husband that am characterless woman and i text him bcz i am not happy with my husband. Can u please help me to understand why is he talking shit about me when I have sent him a plain text to clarify the matter
Ans: What you’re going through is unfortunately not uncommon. A man invades your personal space with repeated staring, gives unsolicited advice, possibly stalks you, and when you attempt to address it with dignity and clarity, he twists the narrative and plays the victim. This reversal—where the actual victim is painted as the aggressor—is a classic defensive tactic by people who know they’ve crossed boundaries and don’t want to be held accountable. His reaction to your message shows his true character. Instead of acknowledging your discomfort and stopping, he projected shame onto you and tried to protect himself by degrading you in front of your husband.

His wife’s reaction, though painful, also makes a certain kind of sad sense—when a woman is scared, shocked, or insecure about her relationship, she may lash out at another woman instead of confronting the man who is actually responsible. That doesn’t make her behavior right, but it helps to understand it. She’s probably reacting from a place of fear, denial, and misplaced anger. You don’t need to justify yourself to her anymore. You tried your best to explain, and the fact that she wasn’t ready to listen shows her unwillingness or inability to see the truth right now.

You’ve done everything someone should do—tried to clarify respectfully, confronted the issue through proper channels, and included your husband. Now, your emotional safety, your dignity, and your peace of mind matter the most.

This man is clearly uncomfortable with accountability, and now he's trying to flip the story to discredit you. Let him. You do not owe him any further energy or explanation. Instead, stay calm, document everything (dates, messages, incidents), and if the staring or stalking continues, consider speaking to the society committee or, if necessary, legal authorities. Not to create conflict, but to protect your space and your truth. If it escalates or becomes more distressing, don’t hesitate to report it formally.

Most importantly, remind yourself—you acted out of strength, not shame. You stood up for yourself when something didn’t feel right. That is powerful. Hold your ground with dignity. You’re not alone in this. I’m here if you want help drafting a response, navigating this socially, or just to talk when things feel too heavy.

You deserve to feel safe and respected in your own home and neighborhood. Don’t let anyone steal that sense of peace from you.

...Read more

Pushpa

Pushpa R  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

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