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Should I invest in Equity or Debt?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 17, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
shailly Question by shailly on Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I have 3 queries First: With 30L corpus what is the ideal way of investing percentage wise in order to grow and save money without too much risk. in assets as follows: 1. FD 2. Mutual funds/ (stocks/coins if necessary just for beginning) 3. NPS Account 5. Emergency funds Second: Does ITR Filling and Income tax paying is same thing Third: NPS dashboard shows 41% XIRR with invested value as rs 1193.20 and holding amount as rs. 1202. Investment made in aug-24 and national/gain loss comes of just rs. 17/18. What does that means? Isn't it should be much more according to XIRR and return percentage? This is for tier 1 (all citizen model) with schemes chosen as equity as 74.90% and corporate bonds as 25.10%. Pls. suggest.

Ans: 1. First and foremost you must put aside 6-8 months of regular expense coverage into à liquid mutual fund. After doing this if you have some lumpsum left then you should invest it in NPS or equity savings fund (moderately high risk) depending on your financial goal priority viz retirement (NPS) or some other. If your time horizon is 10 years+ even for goals other then retirement, then you may think about investing in pure equity fund but that will have very high risk.

2. You are supposed to pay you income tax liability for financial year during the same year through Advance tax, TDS and also self income tax payment by 31st March. After that you have to furnish complete record of your entire income during previous FY to the tax authorities with exemptions, deductions if any vide IT returns before 31st July. After doing this exercise you assess how much tax you paid during the previous FY and how much tax you actually were liable to pay. If the difference is positive amount then income tax department will issue a refund with interest. Also if difference is negative the you have to pay the difference amount with interest to the income tax department. So return filing is basically comprehensive reconciliation statement of your previous FY income tax payments and additional tax overdue or refund if any.

3. NPS Returns given in the statements are based on inflows, gives the annualized effective compounded return rate in your account as per XIRR working. The calculation is done considering all the contributions/redemptions processed in your account since inception and the latest valuation of the investments. The transactions are sorted based on NAV date.

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.

Happy Investing!!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi
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I am 34yrs old, I am investing 16,000/month in NPS, I want to invest in these mutual funds 1. Bandhan ELSS tax saver fund direct growth(12, 500) 2. Parag parikh flexi cap fund direct growth (7, 000) 3. Quant small cap fund growth (5,000) 4. Axis small cap fund growth (5, 000) 5. Axis banking and PSU debt fund growth (1500) 6. PGIM India equity savings fund growth (1500) I am planning to invest for 15-20yrs , and I also increase my investment 5% annually Pls suggest these funds? are good for my portfolio and how much corpus I reach
Ans: Your selection covers a range of fund types, which is good for diversification. Here's a brief assessment:

ELSS: Bandhan ELSS is a good tax-saving option, but ensure you're comfortable with the lock-in period.
Flexi-cap: Parag Parikh offers flexibility across market caps, good for long-term growth.
Small-cap: Both Quant and Axis small-cap funds can offer higher returns but come with higher volatility. Make sure you're comfortable with the risk.
Debt Funds: Axis banking and PSU debt fund is a relatively safer option, suitable for diversifying equity-heavy portfolios.
Equity Savings: PGIM India equity savings fund is a balanced fund with equity, debt, and arbitrage components, adding stability.
Corpus Estimation:
Assuming an average annual return of 10%:

Yearly Increment: 5%
Investment Period: 15-20 years
With these assumptions, you can accumulate a significant corpus. For a precise estimation, using a SIP calculator can help, but you're on a good path with these selections for long-term growth. Regularly review and adjust based on performance and market conditions.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2024Hindi
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Dear Sir, I have a corpus of 30 lakhs, which I want to invest judiciously at the immediate, for 3-5 years. I am a Centeal Govt Pensioner 70 years of age. Presently I have SIP investments at Rs.1,000.00 each in SBI Focussed Equity Fund, SBI Flexicap Fund Regular, SBI Contra Fund, SBI Magnum Global Fund Regular, SBI Blue Chip Fund Regular; all since 4 years. 2. Besides the above, I have invested lump sum of Rs.6 lakhs each in SBI Magnum Midcap Fund Regular and SBI Multicap Fund Regular. 3. I have also invested in four ELSS Schemes yearly at the rate of Rs.1,50,000.00 each in Axis ELSS Tax Saver Fund(2021), Canara Robeco Tax Saver(2022), SBI Long Term Equity Fund Regular (2023) and Quant ELSS Tax Saver(2024). 4. Kindly advice wherein I can best invest, keeping in view the current scenario. Thank you.
Ans: Given your age and investment horizon of 3-5 years, it's crucial to prioritize capital preservation while seeking reasonable returns. Here's a suggested investment strategy:

Debt Funds:

Liquid Funds: Suitable for parking emergency funds or short-term needs. Provides liquidity and better returns than savings accounts.
Short Duration Funds: Ideal for 1-3 years horizon. Offers slightly higher returns than liquid funds with moderate risk.
Hybrid Funds:

Conservative Hybrid Funds: These funds invest 75-90% in debt instruments and the rest in equity. They provide a balance of safety and potential growth.
Fixed Deposits or Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS):

Fixed Deposits: Choose banks offering higher interest rates for senior citizens.
SCSS: Government-backed scheme with a 5-year tenure, currently offering around 7.4% interest.
Review Existing Investments:

ELSS: As you've already invested in tax-saving ELSS funds, ensure you're comfortable with the lock-in period and align it with your financial goals.
Equity SIPs & Lump Sum: Since equity can be volatile in the short term, consider reviewing your equity holdings. You may want to shift a portion to debt for better stability.
Emergency Fund:

Ensure you have a separate emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your expenses. This fund should be easily accessible without any market risk.
Tax Efficiency:

Given you're a Central Govt Pensioner, consider investing in Tax-Free Bonds or Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS) for tax-efficient income.
It's essential to diversify across these investment avenues to reduce risk and ensure steady returns. Consult with a financial advisor to tailor this strategy to your specific needs and risk tolerance.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir My age is 31 My in hand salary is 1.5 lakh per month. Below are investment I am doing 30k for Rd 5k for nps 16500 for mutual fund 20k house emi Rest if going as fd 80k I want to retire by 45 And I want corpus around 2cr Please is current investment is okay or should I modify it?
Ans: Thank you for sharing the details of your financial situation and goals. It’s commendable that you have a clear vision for your retirement and are actively investing towards it. Let's review your current investments and create a robust plan to achieve your goal of retiring by 45 with a corpus of Rs 2 crores.

Current Financial Situation Analysis

At 31 years old, you have a monthly in-hand salary of Rs 1.5 lakhs. Your current investments are as follows:

Recurring Deposit (RD): Rs 30,000 per month
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 5,000 per month
Mutual Funds: Rs 16,500 per month
House EMI: Rs 20,000 per month
Fixed Deposits (FD): Rs 80,000 per month
Your goal is to retire by 45 with a corpus of Rs 2 crores. Let's evaluate and optimize your current investment strategy.

Evaluating Current Investments

Recurring Deposit (RD)

Recurring Deposits offer guaranteed returns but have lower interest rates compared to other investment options. While they are safe, they may not help you achieve your retirement corpus due to their lower growth potential.

National Pension System (NPS)

NPS is a good retirement savings option offering tax benefits and a mix of equity and debt exposure. However, NPS has restrictions on withdrawals before retirement and mandatory annuitization at maturity.

Mutual Funds

Investing Rs 16,500 per month in mutual funds is a good strategy. Mutual funds offer diversification and potential for higher returns. Evaluating the types of mutual funds you’re investing in (equity, debt, hybrid) will help ensure proper asset allocation.

House EMI

Your house EMI of Rs 20,000 per month is a fixed commitment. While this is not an investment, it's part of your financial planning and impacts your cash flow.

Fixed Deposits (FD)

Allocating Rs 80,000 per month to fixed deposits is significant. FDs offer safety but low returns. They may not be the best option for long-term wealth creation due to their low interest rates compared to inflation.

Setting Up a Robust Financial Plan

1. Setting Clear Financial Goals

Retirement Corpus

Your goal is to accumulate Rs 2 crores by the age of 45. This requires a strategic approach to investing with a focus on growth while managing risks.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of expenses. This ensures financial stability during unexpected situations.

2. Optimizing Your Investment Portfolio

Recurring Deposit Adjustment

Consider reducing your monthly RD contributions. Redirect these funds to higher-return investments like mutual funds. While RDs are safe, their low returns may not help you reach your retirement goal efficiently.

Increasing Mutual Fund Investments

Increasing your mutual fund investments will enhance your portfolio’s growth potential. Investing in equity mutual funds can provide higher returns over the long term. Diversify your mutual fund investments across different categories (large cap, mid cap, small cap, and hybrid funds).

Evaluating NPS Contributions

NPS is a good option for retirement savings due to its tax benefits and mix of equity and debt. Continue your NPS contributions but consider increasing them if possible. The equity exposure in NPS can help in achieving higher returns.

Reducing Fixed Deposit Allocations

Fixed deposits are safe but offer lower returns. Reduce your FD contributions and redirect these funds to mutual funds or other high-return investment options. This will enhance your portfolio’s growth potential.

Investment Allocation Strategy

Here’s a suggested investment allocation based on your monthly budget:

Equity Mutual Funds: Rs 50,000 (Higher growth potential but higher risk)
Debt Mutual Funds: Rs 10,000 (Stability and lower risk)
NPS: Rs 10,000 (Retirement savings with tax benefits)
Emergency Fund: Rs 10,000 (Until you reach the target amount)
3. Calculating Required Monthly Savings

To achieve your goal of Rs 2 crores in 14 years, let’s calculate the required monthly savings assuming an average annual return of 12% from your investments.

You need to invest approximately Rs 58,772 per month to achieve your goal of Rs 2 crores in 14 years with an annual return of 12%.

4. Strategic Asset Allocation

To achieve a balanced portfolio, diversify your investments across different asset classes:

Equity Mutual Funds

Allocate a significant portion to equity mutual funds for higher growth. Diversify across large cap, mid cap, and small cap funds. Actively managed funds offer potential for higher returns compared to index funds.

Debt Mutual Funds

Invest in debt mutual funds for stability and lower risk. These funds provide regular income and preserve capital.

National Pension System (NPS)

Continue and potentially increase your NPS contributions. NPS offers a balanced mix of equity and debt, which is beneficial for long-term retirement planning.

Emergency Fund

Maintain a separate emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses. Aim for 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid, easily accessible account.

5. Regular Review and Rebalancing

Financial planning is an ongoing process. Regularly review your portfolio’s performance and make necessary adjustments. Market conditions and personal goals may change, requiring rebalancing of your investments.

Professional Guidance

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) will provide you with personalized advice and professional management of your investments. A CFP can help in selecting the right funds, monitoring performance, and making strategic adjustments.

Empathy and Understanding

It's understandable that managing finances can be challenging, especially with long-term goals. Your dedication to securing your financial future is commendable. Taking proactive steps and seeking professional advice will help you achieve your goals efficiently.

Final Insights

Your commitment to achieving a retirement corpus of Rs 2 crores by 45 is ambitious yet achievable. By optimizing your current investments, increasing mutual fund allocations, and maintaining regular contributions, you can reach your goal.

Remember, financial planning is a dynamic process that requires regular monitoring and adjustments. Stay focused, consult with a Certified Financial Planner, and keep your long-term goals in mind. With a strategic approach and disciplined investing, you’ll achieve financial freedom and security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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