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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Saddam Question by Saddam on May 03, 2024Hindi
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Dear Guru,I need to create corpus of 5 crores in 10 years. im currently investigating of 46500 past one year. i have following mutual fund in my portfolio Hdfc sensex index 20k pgim midcap 3k motilal midcap index 3k sbi next 50 index 1k motilal micro index 46 icici prudential technology 1k quant small cap 7k parakpari flexi cap 5k axis small 2k. im private employee and earning of 140000 per month. so please provide suitable answer which created 5cr in 10 years also i have lic of 50k per year,ppf of 50k per year and nps 5k every month. my current age is 34

Ans: Your goal of accumulating a 5 crore corpus in 10 years is ambitious yet achievable with a strategic investment approach. Let's devise a tailored plan considering your current investments, income, and financial commitments.

Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Your existing mutual fund portfolio comprises various funds, including index funds, mid-cap funds, sectoral funds, and small-cap funds. While diversified, it's essential to ensure alignment with your long-term goals and risk tolerance.

Designing Your Investment Strategy
Optimize Mutual Fund Portfolio:

Review your mutual fund holdings to ensure alignment with your financial objectives. Consider consolidating or realigning your portfolio to focus on funds with strong growth potential and consistent performance.
While index funds offer cost-effective exposure to market indices, actively managed funds may provide higher potential returns, especially in volatile market conditions. Consider maintaining a balanced mix of both.
Systematic Investment Planning (SIP):

Continue your SIPs in mutual funds, adjusting allocations based on your risk appetite and return expectations. Focus on funds with a proven track record of outperformance and robust fundamentals.
Increase your SIP contributions gradually over time, leveraging the power of compounding to accelerate wealth accumulation.
Opt for Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS):

ELSS funds offer dual benefits of tax savings under Section 80C and potential for wealth creation. Consider allocating a portion of your SIP investments to ELSS funds to optimize tax efficiency.
Supplement with Traditional Investments:

Your existing investments in LIC, PPF, and NPS provide a foundation of stability and tax benefits. Continue to maximize contributions to these instruments to diversify your portfolio and mitigate risk.
Regular Review and Rebalancing:

Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure alignment with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market dynamics. Rebalance your portfolio as needed to capitalize on emerging opportunities and mitigate risks.
Conclusion
By adopting a holistic approach to investing and optimizing your portfolio across various asset classes, you can achieve your goal of building a 5 crore corpus in 10 years. Stay disciplined, stay diversified, and stay focused on your long-term objectives to realize financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

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Hello, please advise. I want to create of corpus of 5 crores in 5 years, the value of my current portfolio is 50 lakhs. I am 44 years. My monthly SIP is around 2.25 lakhs. Rs. 1.25 lakhs in Franklin India US opps fund, Smaller companies, Tech fund, Axis Bluechip and small cap, Mirae Asset Blue chip, Canara Robeco Equity hybrid, Motilal Nasdaq 100 FOF, Parag Parikh long term equity. Started another Rs. 1 lakh last month in ICICI Prudential Mutual bank, DSP, Franklin India smaller companies, Kotak Emerging Equity, HDFC Flexi, HDFC Smaller Cap, Tata Digital India Fund. Please advise.
Ans: It's commendable that you're focused on building a significant corpus in a relatively short period. However, aiming for a corpus of 5 crores in just 5 years is an ambitious goal and may require a carefully crafted strategy and potentially higher investments.

Here are some considerations:

Investment Amount: Given your current portfolio value of 50 lakhs and monthly SIP of 2.25 lakhs, you may need to increase your investment amount to achieve your target. Consider whether it's feasible to increase your SIP amount or allocate additional lump sum investments.
Risk and Return: With a relatively short investment horizon, it's crucial to strike a balance between risk and return. Evaluate the risk profile of your investments and ensure they align with your risk tolerance and goals.
Diversification: Review the diversification of your portfolio across different asset classes, sectors, and market capitalizations. Consider diversifying further if needed to reduce concentration risk.
Regular Review: Given the short time frame, regularly monitor the performance of your investments and adjust your strategy as needed. Be prepared to make tactical changes based on market conditions and evolving financial goals.
Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a certified financial planner or advisor who can provide personalized guidance based on your financial situation, goals, and risk profile.
Remember, achieving such a substantial corpus in a short period requires disciplined savings, prudent investing, and realistic expectations. While it's essential to aim high, it's also crucial to maintain a realistic perspective and adapt your strategy as needed along the way.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

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I need to create corpus of 5 crores in 10 years. im currently investigating of 46500 past one year. i have following mutual fund in my portfolio Hdfc sensex index 20k pgim midcap 3k motilal midcap index 3k sbi next 50 index 1k motilal micro index 46 icici prudential technology 1k quant small cap 7k parakpari flexi cap 5k axis small 2k. im private employee and earning of 140000 per month. so please provide suitable answer which created 5cr in 10 years also i have lic of 50k per year,ppf of 50k per year and nps 5k every month. my current age is 34
Ans: Creating a corpus of 5 crores in 10 years is an ambitious goal, but with careful planning and strategic investments, it's achievable. Your current investment portfolio and savings habits provide a solid foundation for reaching this milestone.

Given your age of 34 and the 10-year time horizon, we'll need to focus on a growth-oriented investment strategy while ensuring diversification and risk management.

Let's start by optimizing your mutual fund portfolio. While you have a diversified mix of funds, we may need to make some adjustments to align with your goal. Consider increasing allocations to high-growth potential funds like mid-cap and small-cap funds, which historically have outperformed broader market indices.

Regularly review your portfolio to monitor performance and make necessary adjustments based on market conditions and your evolving financial goals.

Additionally, continue your disciplined approach towards savings. Your LIC, PPF, and NPS contributions provide stability and long-term growth opportunities. Ensure you maximize contributions to these instruments within permissible limits to harness their full potential for wealth accumulation.

Remember to stay patient and committed to your financial plan. Building a significant corpus requires time and consistency. As a Certified Financial Planner, I'm here to guide you every step of the way and help you navigate through market fluctuations and uncertainties.

With determination and strategic financial planning, you can achieve your goal of creating a 5 crore corpus in 10 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Money
Hello sir im 36 years old have one mod studying 3rd grade i have salary of 3L and below are my wealth accumulation. Mutual Funds: 38Lakhs Stocks: 9 Lakhs PF: 30 Lakhs ESOP: 1.5 Cr House: 2 house (80L & 50L) My monthly investment details below Mutual funds: 80K Stocks: 50K LIC: 6K I want to create a corpus of 10 Cr in next 10 years. How can i acheive this.
Ans: Creating a corpus of Rs 10 crore in the next ten years is an ambitious goal. It's achievable with a strategic plan. Let's break down your current situation and create a plan to help you reach your financial objectives. Your existing investments and monthly contributions will play a crucial role in this journey.

Evaluating Current Investments
First, let's review your current investments:

Mutual Funds: Rs 38 lakhs

Stocks: Rs 9 lakhs

Provident Fund (PF): Rs 30 lakhs

Employee Stock Ownership Plan (ESOP): Rs 1.5 crores

House Properties: Rs 80 lakhs and Rs 50 lakhs

You also invest Rs 80,000 in mutual funds and Rs 50,000 in stocks monthly. You pay Rs 6,000 towards LIC premiums.

Assessing Monthly Investments
You are already investing a significant amount each month. This is commendable. However, to meet your Rs 10 crore target in 10 years, you need to optimize your investment strategy.

Mutual Funds
You have Rs 38 lakhs in mutual funds and invest Rs 80,000 monthly. Mutual funds are a great way to accumulate wealth over the long term. However, it's crucial to choose the right funds. Actively managed funds, rather than index funds, might be more suitable for achieving higher returns due to professional management and potential for better performance.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds might seem appealing due to lower costs, but they have limitations. They simply track market indexes, limiting their potential for higher returns. Actively managed funds have fund managers who make strategic decisions to outperform the market. Though they come with higher fees, the potential for better returns can outweigh these costs.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer several advantages. Experienced fund managers actively select investments, aiming to outperform the market. They adapt to market changes, making strategic decisions. This dynamic approach can potentially yield higher returns compared to the passive strategy of index funds.

Stocks
You have Rs 9 lakhs in stocks and invest Rs 50,000 monthly. Stocks can offer high returns but come with higher risks. Diversifying your stock investments can reduce risk. Consider investing in stocks with strong growth potential and good track records.

Provident Fund (PF)
Your provident fund is a stable investment, providing safety and steady growth. With Rs 30 lakhs, it forms a secure base in your portfolio. However, its returns are lower compared to equity investments. It’s wise to maintain this for stability but focus more on high-growth investments.

Employee Stock Ownership Plan (ESOP)
Your ESOP worth Rs 1.5 crores is a significant asset. However, it's important to monitor the company's performance closely. Diversifying some of these holdings into other investment avenues can mitigate risks associated with company-specific factors.

House Properties
You own two houses valued at Rs 80 lakhs and Rs 50 lakhs. Real estate is a tangible asset but might not offer the liquidity needed for your goal. Consider maintaining them for stability, but focus more on liquid and high-return investments like mutual funds and stocks.

Reviewing LIC Policies
You pay Rs 6,000 monthly towards LIC policies. Traditional LIC policies offer lower returns compared to mutual funds. Consider surrendering these policies and redirecting the premiums into high-growth mutual funds. This can enhance your wealth accumulation potential.

Optimizing Monthly Investments
Let's look at optimizing your monthly investments. Currently, you invest Rs 1.36 lakhs monthly in various assets. Here's a suggested approach:

Mutual Funds: Continue investing Rs 80,000. Ensure these are in actively managed equity funds with a strong track record.

Stocks: Continue investing Rs 50,000, focusing on well-researched, high-growth stocks.

LIC: Consider redirecting Rs 6,000 from LIC premiums to mutual funds.

Strategic Investment Plan
Achieving Rs 10 crore in 10 years requires a focused strategy. Here are key steps:

Regular Review and Rebalancing: Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance it annually to maintain the desired asset allocation. This helps in optimizing returns and managing risks.

Tax Efficiency: Invest in tax-efficient instruments. Use tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) to reduce your taxable income under Section 80C.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This ensures you don't need to liquidate long-term investments during emergencies.

Diversification: Diversify across different asset classes. This reduces risk and improves potential returns. Invest in a mix of equities, debt, and other assets.

Regular Funds vs Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, but they require active management. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures professional management and guidance. Regular funds come with the benefit of expert advice and monitoring, which can be crucial in optimizing returns and achieving financial goals.

Monitoring Progress
Track your investment performance regularly. Ensure that your portfolio is on track to meet your Rs 10 crore goal. Adjust your strategy based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Risk Management
Managing risks is essential. Diversify your investments and avoid over-concentration in any single asset. Consider investing in different sectors and geographies to spread risk.

Retirement Planning
Consider your retirement goals as well. Ensure that your investments align with your long-term retirement plans. This ensures financial stability beyond your 10-year goal.

Children's Education
Plan for your child's education. Set aside funds specifically for this purpose. Education costs can be substantial, and planning early ensures you are financially prepared.

Final Insights
Achieving a Rs 10 crore corpus in 10 years is challenging but feasible. Your current investments and monthly contributions are a strong foundation. By optimizing your investment strategy, focusing on high-growth assets, and managing risks, you can reach your financial goal.

Regularly reviewing your portfolio and making necessary adjustments is crucial. Seek professional advice when needed and stay committed to your investment plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Money
Hello sir, I am 38 years old.. I have a daughter of 9 year..my net monthly income is 1.27 lacs after payment of rs. 25000 of my home loan emi. I have a home loan of outstanding 26 lacs. I have around 45 lacs in mutual fund, 15 lacs in bank FD, 28 lacs in life insurance policies and 16 lacs in daughter's sukanya samriddhi account. I want to create a corpus of rs. 10 cr in next 10 years.. please guide
Ans: Creating a corpus of Rs. 10 crores in the next 10 years is an ambitious but achievable goal. Let's analyze your current financial situation and create a detailed plan to help you reach your objective.

Current Financial Snapshot
Income and Expenses:

Monthly Income: Rs. 1.27 lakh
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 25,000
Net Monthly Income after EMI: Rs. 1.02 lakh
Existing Investments:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 45 lakh
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 15 lakh
Life Insurance Policies: Rs. 28 lakh
Sukanya Samriddhi Account: Rs. 16 lakh
Home Loan Outstanding:

Rs. 26 lakh
Strategy to Achieve Rs. 10 Crores in 10 Years
Step 1: Enhance Savings and Investments
Evaluate Monthly Savings:

With a net income of Rs. 1.02 lakh after EMI, you should aim to save and invest a significant portion.
Assume you save 50% of this amount, which is Rs. 51,000 per month.
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

SIPs are a disciplined way to invest regularly in mutual funds.
Allocate Rs. 51,000 per month towards SIPs in a diversified portfolio of equity mutual funds.
Increase your SIP amount by 10% each year to account for salary increments and inflation.
Step 2: Diversify Your Investments
Mutual Funds:

Continue investing in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap equity mutual funds.
Consider adding sector-specific funds for more growth opportunities.
Hybrid Funds:

Allocate a portion to aggressive hybrid funds for a balanced risk-return profile.
These funds invest in both equity and debt instruments.
Debt Funds:

Maintain some investments in debt mutual funds for stability and lower risk.
Debt funds can provide liquidity and reduce overall portfolio volatility.
Step 3: Optimize Existing Investments
Fixed Deposits:

FDs offer low returns. Gradually move funds from FDs to higher-yielding investments.
Keep a small portion in FDs for emergency funds.
Life Insurance Policies:

Evaluate the performance and returns of your life insurance policies.
If they are not performing well, consider surrendering or partially withdrawing and reinvesting in mutual funds.
Sukanya Samriddhi Account:

Continue contributing to your daughter’s Sukanya Samriddhi Account.
It offers tax benefits and good returns, securing her future.
Step 4: Accelerate Debt Repayment
Home Loan:

Consider prepaying your home loan with surplus funds to reduce interest burden.
Aim to be debt-free sooner, freeing up more money for investments.
Step 5: Plan for Tax Efficiency
Tax-Advantaged Investments:

Utilize tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) for long-term capital gains and tax deductions.
Maximize contributions to PF and PPF for tax benefits and stable returns.
Step 6: Monitor and Rebalance Portfolio
Regular Reviews:

Conduct quarterly reviews of your investment portfolio.
Rebalance to maintain desired asset allocation and capture market opportunities.
Stay Informed:

Keep yourself updated with market trends and financial news.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for professional guidance.
Understanding Mutual Funds: Categories, Advantages, and Risks
Equity Mutual Funds:

Invest in stocks, offering high returns but with higher risk.
Ideal for long-term goals like retirement and wealth creation.
Categories: Large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, sector-specific.
Hybrid Mutual Funds:

Mix of equity and debt investments, balancing risk and return.
Suitable for moderate risk-takers.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Invest in fixed-income securities, offering stability and lower risk.
Suitable for conservative investors and short-term goals.
Advantages of Mutual Funds:

Diversification reduces risk by investing in various securities.
Professional management by experienced fund managers.
Liquidity allows easy buying and selling of units.
SIPs promote disciplined investing and cost averaging.
Tax benefits through ELSS funds.
Risks of Mutual Funds:

Market risk affects equity funds due to market fluctuations.
Credit risk in debt funds if issuers default.
Interest rate risk impacts debt funds with changing rates.
Liquidity risk in some funds, making it hard to sell holdings without losses.
Power of Compounding
Compounding is earning returns on both initial principal and accumulated returns.
Longer investment duration amplifies the compounding effect.
Start early and stay invested for maximum benefits.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct Funds:

Bought directly from fund houses, saving on distributor commissions.
Lower expense ratios but lack guidance from professionals.
Disadvantages:

No expert advice, leading to suboptimal choices.
Time-consuming and requires significant effort.
Risk of mismanagement without professional guidance.
Benefits of Regular Funds through MFD with CFP Credential:

Expert advice and professional management.
Customized portfolios based on goals and risk tolerance.
Ongoing support and regular portfolio reviews.
Peace of mind knowing investments are managed by professionals.
Action Plan to Achieve Rs. 10 Crore Goal
Enhance Monthly Savings:

Save and invest Rs. 51,000 per month in diversified mutual funds.
Increase SIPs by 10% annually.
Diversify Investments:

Continue with equity mutual funds, adding sector-specific and hybrid funds.
Maintain some debt funds for stability.
Optimize Existing Investments:

Move funds from FDs to higher-yielding investments.
Evaluate and possibly reinvest insurance policies in mutual funds.
Accelerate Debt Repayment:

Prepay home loan to reduce interest burden and free up funds.
Plan for Tax Efficiency:

Utilize ELSS, PF, and PPF for tax benefits and stable returns.
Regularly Review and Rebalance Portfolio:

Conduct quarterly reviews and rebalance as needed.
Stay informed about market trends and seek professional advice.
Final Insights
Achieving a corpus of Rs. 10 crores in 10 years requires disciplined saving, smart investing, and regular portfolio management. Diversify your investments, optimize existing assets, and aim for tax efficiency. Prepay your home loan to reduce debt burden and free up funds for investments. Stay committed to your SIPs, increase them annually, and regularly review your portfolio. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice and peace of mind. By following this comprehensive plan, you can achieve your financial goal and secure your family's future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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