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Aspiring Doctor Seeking Financial Guidance: 3 Goals, 5 Years, 15 Years, 30 Years

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1208 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 26, 2024Hindi
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I am a doctor currently practicing in my home town with my wife.I have three financial goals 1. To accumulate atleast 1.5 to 2cr in 5 years - to establish a health centre 2. 15 cr in 15 years - for my kids education 3.25 cr in 30 years for our retirement Can you suggest us how to go about it?

Ans: Hello;

1. First target is to accumulate 1.5-2 Cr for establishing health centre. For the achievement of this target either you can do a flat monthly sip of 1.8 L for 5 years
Or
You may begin with a monthly sip of 1.25 L and top-up each year by 20% upto 5 years.

Both routes will yield you a corpus of 1.5 Cr for health centre as desired.

2. Second target is 15 Cr target for kid's education to be achieved in 15 years. For the achievement of this target either you can do a flat monthly sip of 2.7 L for 15 years.
Or
You may begin with a monthly sip of 1.2 L and top-up each year by 15% minimum upto 15 years.

Both options will led you to a corpus of 15 Cr for child education as desired.

3. Third and important target of retirement corpus of 25 Cr to be achieved in 30 years.
For the achievement of this target either you can do a flat monthly sip of 57 K for 30 years.
Or
You may begin with a monthly sip of 24 K and top-up each year by 10% minimum upto 30 years.

Either ways you will achieve your targeted retirement corpus of 25 Cr.

A modest return of 13% assumed for investments in pure equity mutual funds for all workings.

You may follow us on X at @mars_invest for updates.

Happy Investing!!

*Investments in mutual funds are subject to market risks. Please read all scheme related documents carefully before investing.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

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Hello sir, i am a Doctor and currently i have shifted to corporate job which pays around 60lpa. I have invested about 60 lakhs in stocks and mutual funds with monthly SIP of 1 lakh. I have around 15 lakhs in FD , 1 lakh in Gold and crypto. I want to open a hospital in 2-3 years that will require me around 5 crores. How should i approach that? I want to avoid taking loans and pay interest.
Ans: Opening a hospital is a significant and noble ambition. Your current financial situation shows a good mix of investments and savings. Planning for this major goal requires a strategic approach to ensure you can gather the required funds without taking loans.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
You have a strong financial foundation with diversified investments. Your monthly SIPs and current investments in stocks, mutual funds, fixed deposits, gold, and crypto show financial prudence.

Understanding the Funding Gap
You need Rs 5 crores to open your hospital. Currently, your assets total approximately Rs 76 lakhs, including Rs 60 lakhs in stocks and mutual funds, Rs 15 lakhs in FDs, Rs 1 lakh in gold and crypto.

Setting a Realistic Time Frame
You aim to gather the required funds in 2-3 years. This ambitious timeline requires a focused and aggressive investment strategy.

Leveraging Your Monthly SIPs
Your Rs 1 lakh monthly SIP is a strong commitment towards building your wealth. Continuing this SIP will help in accumulating a substantial corpus. Consider increasing your SIP amount if possible, as your income allows.

Optimizing Your Investments
Diversify within your existing portfolio. Ensure that your investments in mutual funds are balanced across different categories like equity, debt, and hybrid funds. This diversification helps in managing risk while aiming for growth.

Exploring High-Growth Investment Options
Evaluate high-growth mutual funds and stocks that have a potential for significant returns over the next few years. Be mindful of the associated risks and ensure a balanced approach.

Redeeming Fixed Deposits Strategically
Fixed deposits provide security but lower returns. Consider breaking your FDs and reinvesting in higher-yielding instruments. Ensure that you retain some portion in liquid assets for emergencies.

Utilizing Gold and Crypto Investments
Gold and crypto are part of your diversified portfolio. Assess their current value and potential growth. If they perform well, they can contribute to your fund requirement. However, avoid over-relying on these volatile assets.

Supplementing with Savings
Given your high income, aim to save a significant portion of your salary. Direct these savings into investment avenues that align with your risk appetite and growth expectations.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Regularly review your investment portfolio to track performance. Adjust your strategy based on market conditions and your financial goals. This dynamic approach ensures you remain on track to achieve your objective.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Engage with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to get personalized advice. A CFP can help in fine-tuning your investment strategy, ensuring it aligns with your goal of opening a hospital without taking loans.

Exploring Partnership and Collaboration
Consider partnering with other medical professionals or investors who share your vision. This collaboration can ease the financial burden and bring in additional expertise and resources.

Investing in Growth Funds
Actively managed funds often outperform index funds due to professional management. Their ability to adapt to market conditions can provide better returns, aiding in faster accumulation of the required corpus.

Balancing Risk and Return
While aiming for high returns, it’s crucial to balance risk. Ensure a mix of aggressive and conservative investments to safeguard your capital while aiming for growth.

Planning for Contingencies
Keep a contingency fund for unexpected expenses. This ensures that your primary investments remain intact, and you don’t have to liquidate assets prematurely.

Long-Term Vision
While focusing on your immediate goal, keep a long-term perspective. Ensure that your financial decisions today don’t compromise your future financial security and goals.

Conclusion
Your ambition to open a hospital is commendable. With strategic planning and disciplined investing, you can achieve this goal without taking loans. Regularly review and adjust your strategy, seek professional guidance, and stay committed to your financial plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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I am 53 with 1 cr corpus , invested in MF( lump sum - equity and SIP of 85 k month for last 2 years) PPF, NSC, stocks, FD . I have 2 children one is working and the daughter is in 12 would like to pursue medicine . I want to know the following A. How do I plan my finances ahead ? B. My daughters education ? My pension ? C. A medical policy is there for 26 lakhs for a family of 4 . Is that enough or I need to take another policy ? D. What amount should I have to lead a decent and comfortable life . Without depending on kids .( have a house of my own ) Kindly help / advice .
Ans: Hello Mr. Kumar Shashi Raj,

It's great that you're actively planning for your financial future and your children's education. Let's address your concerns step by step:

A. Planning your finances ahead:

With a corpus of 1 crore and diversified investments like MFs, PPF, NSC, stocks, and FDs, you're on the right track.
Consider reviewing your investment portfolio periodically to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Continue your SIPs and monitor the performance of your equity investments.
Explore options for retirement planning to secure a steady income post-retirement. You can consider instruments like NPS or annuities for this purpose.
B. Your daughter's education:

Since your daughter aims to pursue medicine, it's crucial to plan for the substantial expenses associated with her education.
Estimate the cost of her medical education and explore education loans, scholarships, or other funding options to supplement your savings.
Consider investing in instruments like mutual funds or fixed deposits specifically earmarked for her education expenses.
C. Medical insurance:

Your existing medical policy covering 26 lakhs for a family of four is a good start.
However, considering rising healthcare costs and the possibility of unforeseen medical emergencies, it's advisable to assess if this coverage is adequate.
Evaluate the premium versus coverage benefits and consider topping up your existing policy or purchasing an additional policy for enhanced coverage.
D. Retirement planning and leading a comfortable life:

Determine your desired post-retirement lifestyle and estimate your retirement expenses, including healthcare, travel, and other essentials.
Calculate the corpus required to generate a steady income stream post-retirement, considering factors like inflation and life expectancy.
Aim to build a retirement corpus that can sustain your lifestyle without relying on your children's financial support.
Maximize contributions to retirement-oriented schemes like NPS or voluntary provident fund to boost your retirement corpus.
Regularly reassess your financial plan and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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Hello i am a homeopathic doctor aged 27 still doing my MD( final year) I have a evening clinic started newly i earn about 45-50k per month and as get stipend i nearly get 40k per month i have a 6 months old daughter and i have 14 lakhs savings of own 10 lakhs in equity 60k gold bonds ,1.2lakhs in US equity and 50k in corporate bonds and 2.5lakhs in savings account apart from this i have 24 lakhs in hybrid mutual fund ( this i got after my fathers death)may be in couple of months i will be getting another 90 lakhs by selling a property my future biggest expense will be my daughters education as i have a desire to send her to abroad for her UG itself my biggest question how to manage 90 lakhs for my secured future
Ans: Strategic Financial Planning for a Secure Future
Congratulations on your career progress and the new addition to your family! At 27, with a good income and a mix of investments, you're in a strong position to plan for a secure financial future and your daughter's education. Let’s delve into how to manage the upcoming Rs. 90 lakhs from the property sale effectively.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Existing Investments and Savings
Equity Investments: Rs. 10 lakhs
Gold Bonds: Rs. 60,000
US Equity: Rs. 1.2 lakhs
Corporate Bonds: Rs. 50,000
Savings Account: Rs. 2.5 lakhs
Hybrid Mutual Fund: Rs. 24 lakhs
Monthly Income
Evening Clinic: Rs. 45-50k
Stipend: Rs. 40k
You have a diversified portfolio, which is a good start. Your biggest future expense is your daughter’s education, especially if she studies abroad.

Managing the Rs. 90 Lakhs Property Sale
Prioritizing Financial Goals
Daughter’s Education Fund
Emergency Fund
Retirement Planning
Wealth Growth and Diversification
Detailed Financial Strategy
1. Establish an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial for unforeseen circumstances. Aim to save 6-12 months of your living expenses in a liquid and safe account.

2. Education Fund for Your Daughter
Given your desire to send your daughter abroad for her UG, start a dedicated investment plan.

Child Education Mutual Funds: These funds are tailored for long-term educational goals. They offer potential for significant growth over time.
SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans): Invest monthly in mutual funds. This will average out market volatility and provide disciplined savings.
Debt Funds: For the portion of funds needed in the short term (next 5-8 years), consider debt funds for lower risk and stable returns.
3. Retirement Planning
It’s never too early to plan for retirement. Diversify your investments to ensure a comfortable retirement.

Equity Mutual Funds: Continue investing in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Choose funds that suit your risk profile.
PPF (Public Provident Fund): PPF is a safe, tax-saving investment option with a decent interest rate.
NPS (National Pension System): Consider NPS for additional retirement savings with tax benefits.
4. Wealth Growth and Diversification
Diversified Portfolio: Maintain a diversified portfolio across different asset classes – equity, debt, gold, and international funds.
Avoid Over-reliance on One Asset: Avoid putting all your money into one type of investment. Diversification reduces risk.
Monitoring and Adjusting Your Investments
Regular Reviews
Annual Reviews: Review your portfolio annually to ensure it aligns with your goals.
Adjust Allocations: Rebalance your portfolio based on performance and changing goals.
Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP): A CFP can provide personalized advice and help you stay on track with your financial goals.
Regular Consultations: Meet with your CFP regularly to adjust your strategy as needed.
Avoid Common Pitfalls
Over-Reliance on High-Risk Investments
Avoid putting too much money into high-risk investments like stocks or volatile mutual funds. Balance risk with stable options.

Ignoring Inflation
Ensure your investments outpace inflation, especially for long-term goals like education and retirement.

Not Having a Clear Plan
Having a clear, well-structured financial plan is crucial. Stick to your plan and make adjustments as needed.

Conclusion
With a clear financial strategy and disciplined approach, you can secure a prosperous future for yourself and your daughter. Start by setting up an emergency fund, then focus on dedicated investments for education and retirement. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio with the help of a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 38 yrs doctor, recently completed my education. And now started my first job. I have one dependend-wife. We are not planning childrens. My financial status- 1. Term Insurance 1 cr 2. Health insurance for us- 5 lacs 3. Montly mutual fund SIP of 30 K across different funds.Aculcumulted 6 lacs till now. 4. Emergency fund of 5 to 6 lacs in bank saving account 5. FD of 3 lacs. 6. Took home loan of 17 lacs for 20 years ( EMI 15,000). I started to earn very late. So my accumulated wealth in very less. Now my concerns are- 1. How should I plan for financial journey,considering the fact that I want to have aprrox 10 to 12 yrs of active professional carrier. 2. I want to start a different business which can generate me second source of income.How to plan this? 3. I want to invest in commercial property so that I can lease it out. Please guide. Thank you.
Ans: First of all, congratulations on completing your education and starting your career! Your financial status shows a lot of foresight and planning, which is great. Let's break down your situation and look at how you can achieve your goals.

Understanding Your Financial Landscape
You've got a solid foundation with term insurance, health insurance, and a good start in mutual funds. Your emergency fund and FD provide security. The home loan is a manageable liability. Let's explore how to optimize your financial journey.

Planning Your Financial Journey
Prioritize Goals and Timeline
You've got about 10-12 years of active professional life. It's important to prioritize your financial goals:

Secure Retirement Plan
Second Source of Income
Investing in Commercial Property
Strengthening Your Investment Portfolio
Mutual funds are a great choice for long-term wealth creation. Let's dive into how to optimize this further.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and aim for high returns over the long term. They are suitable for wealth creation but come with higher risks.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds are less risky than equity funds. They invest in fixed-income securities and provide stable returns. They are good for maintaining liquidity and stability in your portfolio.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds balance the potential for higher returns from equities with the stability of debt. They offer moderate risk and are suitable for balanced growth.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experts who make investment decisions for you. This is beneficial if you prefer not to handle the complexities of individual stock picking.

Diversification
Mutual funds diversify investments across various assets, reducing risk compared to individual securities.

Liquidity
You can redeem mutual fund units on any business day at the current NAV, providing good liquidity.

Power of Compounding
Investing in mutual funds over the long term allows your returns to compound, significantly enhancing your wealth. SIPs can further boost your returns.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds replicate a market index and offer average market returns. They lack the flexibility to respond to market changes and may underperform during downturns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market by making strategic investment choices. Fund managers actively buy and sell securities to take advantage of market opportunities, potentially offering higher returns.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require you to handle all investment decisions and paperwork. This can be complex and time-consuming without professional guidance.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides expert advice tailored to your goals. A CFP can help you choose the right funds, monitor your portfolio, and make adjustments as needed, optimizing returns and managing risks.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a disciplined way to invest regularly in mutual funds. They mitigate market volatility and build wealth over time through rupee cost averaging.

Risk Assessment and Management
Understanding and managing risk is crucial for a balanced portfolio.

Equity Funds Risks
Equity funds are subject to market risks and volatility. However, they have the potential for higher returns over the long term.

Debt Funds Risks
Debt funds carry lower risk than equity funds but are not risk-free. They are subject to interest rate risk and credit risk.

Hybrid Funds Risks
Hybrid funds balance the risks of equity and debt investments, offering moderate risk and suitable for balanced growth.

Commercial Property Investment
Investing in commercial property can provide rental income and capital appreciation. However, it requires significant capital and has risks like property market fluctuations and tenant issues.

Considerations for Commercial Property
Location: Choose a prime location for better rental income and appreciation.
Legal Checks: Ensure all legal documents and clearances are in place.
Market Research: Understand the demand and supply in the area.
Maintenance: Be prepared for ongoing maintenance and property management.
Starting a Second Business
Starting a second business requires careful planning and consideration of your financial situation.

Steps to Start a Business
Identify Business Idea: Choose a business idea that aligns with your skills and market demand.
Create a Business Plan: Outline your business goals, target market, financial projections, and strategies.
Secure Funding: Assess your funding needs and explore options like personal savings, loans, or investors.
Legal Formalities: Register your business, obtain necessary licenses, and comply with regulations.
Launch and Scale: Start small, test the market, and gradually scale your business.
Balancing Business and Professional Life
Balancing a second business with your professional career requires time management and delegation.

Time Management
Allocate specific hours for your business without affecting your professional commitments. Prioritize tasks and focus on high-impact activities.

Delegation
Delegate tasks to trusted employees or partners to manage the workload effectively. This allows you to focus on strategic decisions and growth.

Tax Efficiency
Optimizing tax efficiency can enhance your overall returns.

Mutual Funds Tax Benefits
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity funds are tax-free up to Rs 1 lakh per annum. Gains above this are taxed at 10%. Debt funds held for more than three years qualify for indexation benefits, reducing the taxable amount.

Business Tax Planning
Maintain proper records of business expenses and explore deductions to reduce taxable income. Consult a tax professional for personalized advice.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid mutual fund. This ensures quick access to cash for unexpected expenses.

Retirement Planning
Plan for retirement by investing in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to align with your retirement goals.

Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides personalized investment strategies. A CFP can help navigate financial markets and make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Your financial journey requires careful planning and strategic investments. Strengthen your mutual fund portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Consider actively managed funds for higher potential returns. Invest through a CFP for expert guidance and optimized returns.

Balancing a second business with your professional life is achievable with proper planning and delegation. Investing in commercial property can provide additional income but requires thorough research and management.

Maintaining an emergency fund, optimizing tax efficiency, and planning for retirement are crucial steps. Regularly review and adjust your financial plans to stay on track with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
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Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

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Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

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I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
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After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

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Samraat Jadhav  |2272 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on May 07, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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