Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Doctor, 36, earning 2 lakhs/month - How to invest for stable income of 2 lakhs/month in 2035?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |941 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2025

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money

I am a doctor aged 36 yrs , earning approx 2 lakh per month my monthly expenses around 50 k . My investments around 60L real estate , Emergency fund 10 L and Mutual funds around 50 L and liquid gold around 10 L . How can I invest more so that I get a stable income of approx 2 lakhs per month from 2035 .

Ans: Hello;

You may begin a monthly sip of 1.2 L into a combination of MFs as follows:

25 K into flexicap fund
25 K into multicap fund
25 K into large cap fund
25 K into large and midcap fund
10 K into balanced advantage fund
10 K into multi asset allocation fund

You may select any fund from the top quartile of these fund categories or consult your MFD.

This may grow into a sum of 2.79 Cr by end of 10 years.

Similarly your assets like RE, existing MF corpus and gold may grow into a sum of 2.82 Cr in 10 years.
So your total corpus after 10 years will be 5.61 Cr.

If you buy an immediate annuity for this corpus from a life insurance company you may expect a post tax monthly income of around~2 L.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7699 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I'm 35 having 4 lakhs on MF and stocks. I earn 1.3 lakhs per.month having a plot loan of 12 lakhs and have a kid . My wife earns 1.2 lakhs and I use most of the salary amount from both of us upto 1 lakh on pre payment of plot loan every month including the emi. I spend around 40k on monthly expenses and 10k for house rent. Could you please guide us how to invest more and which sector to invest to have a stable income in near future within 5 years.
Ans: Financial Planning for Stable Income within Five Years
You are 35 years old with a combined family income of Rs 2.5 lakhs per month. You have a plot loan of Rs 12 lakhs and an investment of Rs 4 lakhs in mutual funds and stocks. Managing finances while raising a child and pre-paying your plot loan is commendable. This guide will help you optimize your investment strategy to achieve stable income within five years.

Genuine Compliments and Understanding
Your dedication to managing loans and saving for the future is impressive. Balancing expenses and investments while planning for stability shows great foresight and discipline.

Current Financial Overview
Income and Expenses
Combined monthly income: Rs 2.5 lakhs
Monthly expenses: Rs 40,000
House rent: Rs 10,000
Plot loan pre-payment and EMI: Rs 1 lakh
You have a disciplined approach towards loan repayment, which is excellent for reducing debt quickly. However, it is essential to balance loan pre-payment with investments to ensure future stability.

Evaluating Your Financial Goals
Short-Term Goals (Within 5 Years)
Achieve Stable Income: Focus on creating multiple income streams to ensure financial stability.
Reduce Debt: Continue paying off the plot loan to become debt-free sooner.
Increase Investments: Build a diversified investment portfolio for growth and stability.
Long-Term Goals
Retirement Planning: Start planning for retirement to ensure financial security in later years.
Child’s Education: Save for your child’s education to avoid financial strain in the future.
Investment Strategy
Balancing Debt Repayment and Investments
While pre-paying your plot loan is a prudent strategy, it is also crucial to allocate funds towards investments. This ensures that you are building wealth for future needs while reducing debt. Consider the following steps:

Allocate a Fixed Amount for Investments: Set aside a portion of your monthly income specifically for investments. This can be in addition to the amount allocated for loan pre-payment.
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund acts as a financial cushion for unforeseen circumstances.
Diversifying Investments
Diversification is key to managing risk and achieving stable returns. A balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and other instruments can provide growth and stability.

Equity Investments
Actively Managed Mutual Funds: Actively managed funds can potentially outperform the market due to professional management. They offer diversified exposure to equities.
Sector-Specific Funds: Consider investing in sector-specific funds that have growth potential. Sectors like technology, healthcare, and finance can offer good returns.
Direct Stocks: Continue minimal investments in stocks, focusing on fundamentally strong companies with growth potential.
Debt Investments
Debt Mutual Funds: Invest in debt mutual funds for stable returns. These funds are less volatile compared to equities and provide regular income.
Fixed Deposits and Bonds: Consider fixed deposits and bonds for guaranteed returns. They offer safety and regular interest income.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are guided by professional fund managers who make strategic decisions based on market research. These managers aim to outperform the market by taking advantage of investment opportunities. Regular funds, accessed through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential, provide valuable professional advice and management.

Financial Planning with a Certified Financial Planner
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) is crucial for tailored advice based on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. A CFP can help you create a balanced investment strategy, ensuring you achieve your long-term objectives.

Portfolio Diversification and Risk Management
A well-diversified portfolio balances risk and reward. By spreading investments across equities, debt, and other asset classes, you can manage risk effectively. Equities offer growth potential, while debt provides stability.

Increasing Savings and Investment Contributions
Consider increasing your savings and investment contributions as your income grows. Allocating a higher portion of your income towards diversified financial instruments will accelerate your wealth accumulation.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are an excellent way to invest regularly and benefit from the power of compounding. Increasing your SIP contributions over time will significantly enhance your investment corpus.

Efficient Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can maximize your investment returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments and strategies to minimize your tax liability. For instance, investing in Equity-Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) can provide tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.

Emergency Fund and Insurance Coverage
Maintaining an emergency fund is crucial for financial security. This fund provides a financial cushion for unexpected expenses, ensuring you don’t need to dip into your investments. Adequate insurance coverage protects against unforeseen events, safeguarding your financial health.

Conclusion
Your decision to either construct a residential building or sell the plot and reinvest the proceeds depends on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and lifestyle preferences. Both options have their merits and drawbacks. Constructing a building can provide steady rental income and asset appreciation, but requires significant initial investment and management. Selling the plot offers liquidity and investment flexibility, potentially yielding higher returns with professional management.

By following the strategies outlined in this guide and consulting with a Certified Financial Planner, you can make an informed decision that aligns with your long-term financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7699 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 04, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I am 33 years old.My monthly Income is 120000. I have 10 lakhs cash in bank, 1.5 lakhs PPF per year, 1 Lakhs Tata AIG insurance per year, 32000 LIC per year. Please help me to invest more for long term for my retirement.
Ans: I am delighted to assist you with your financial planning. Your goal of securing a long-term retirement plan is both wise and admirable. You have taken some steps towards this goal, and it’s great to see your interest in further enhancing your financial strategy. Let’s explore various aspects and create a comprehensive plan for your retirement.

Current Financial Situation
You have shared some critical information about your current financial status. Let's break it down for a clearer understanding:

Monthly Income: Rs 120,000
Cash in Bank: Rs 10,00,000
Annual PPF Contribution: Rs 1,50,000
Annual Insurance Premiums:
Tata AIG: Rs 1,00,000
LIC: Rs 32,000
This overview provides a solid foundation to build upon. We will now analyze and evaluate different components of your financial situation to optimize your investments.

Emergency Fund
Maintaining an emergency fund is crucial. This fund should cover 6 to 12 months of your monthly expenses. Given your monthly income, it’s wise to set aside at least Rs 7,20,000 to Rs 14,40,000. Since you have Rs 10,00,000 in the bank, you already have a substantial amount saved. Ensure this amount is in a highly liquid and safe investment vehicle, like a savings account or a liquid mutual fund, to cover any unforeseen expenses without disturbing your long-term investments.

Assessing Current Investments
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your annual contribution of Rs 1,50,000 to the PPF is a prudent choice. PPF offers tax-free returns and is a risk-free investment backed by the government. However, the returns, although guaranteed, might not be sufficient to meet your long-term retirement goals due to inflation.

Insurance Policies
You have two insurance policies:

Tata AIG: Rs 1,00,000 per year
LIC: Rs 32,000 per year
While insurance is essential for risk management, investment-cum-insurance policies often provide lower returns compared to pure investment options. It may be more beneficial to separate your insurance and investment needs.

Recommendation: Consider surrendering these policies and reallocating the funds into more lucrative investment options. Opt for a pure term insurance plan, which provides adequate coverage at a lower premium. This will ensure your family is protected while freeing up more funds for investment.

Investment Strategy
Long-Term Investment Goals
For a robust retirement corpus, it’s essential to invest in avenues that offer higher returns. Let’s discuss some suitable investment options and strategies.

Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are a great choice for long-term investments. They offer diversification and professional management, which can help in achieving higher returns.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
While index funds are popular for their low costs, actively managed funds can provide better returns. Actively managed funds benefit from professional fund managers who can adapt to market changes and make strategic investment decisions. Although they have higher expense ratios, their potential for higher returns can justify the cost.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential can be advantageous. Regular funds offer the benefit of professional guidance, which is invaluable for optimizing your portfolio and navigating market complexities. Direct funds might have lower expense ratios, but they require more time and expertise to manage effectively.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Consider investing in mutual funds through a SIP. SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly, benefiting from rupee cost averaging and compounding over time.

Recommendation: Start a SIP in diversified equity mutual funds. Given your monthly income, you can allocate a substantial amount to SIPs. Aim to invest around 30-40% of your monthly income, i.e., Rs 36,000 to Rs 48,000, into equity mutual funds.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Let’s calculate the amount you need to save for retirement. Assuming you wish to retire at 60 and considering inflation, let’s estimate the required retirement corpus.

Monthly Expenses: Let’s assume your current monthly expenses are Rs 60,000.
Inflation Rate: We assume an average inflation rate of 6% per annum.
Retirement Duration: Assuming you live up to 85 years, you will need funds for 25 years post-retirement.
Expected Returns: Assuming an average return of 12% per annum from your investments.
Using these assumptions, we can calculate the future value of your monthly expenses and the required retirement corpus.

Step-by-Step Calculation:
Future Monthly Expenses:
Future Monthly Expenses = Current Monthly Expenses × (1 + Inflation Rate)^(Retirement Age - Current Age)
Future Monthly Expenses = 60,000 × (1 + 0.06)^(60 - 33) = 60,000 × 4.29 ≈ Rs 2,57,400

Annual Expenses Post-Retirement:
Annual Expenses = Future Monthly Expenses × 12
Annual Expenses = 2,57,400 × 12 ≈ Rs 30,88,800

Retirement Corpus:
Retirement Corpus = Annual Expenses × (1 - (1 / (1 + Expected Returns)^Retirement Duration)) / Expected Returns
Retirement Corpus = 30,88,800 × (1 - (1 / (1 + 0.12)^25)) / 0.12 ≈ Rs 5,18,00,000

You will need approximately Rs 5.18 crores to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement.

Optimizing Investments
Diversified Portfolio
To achieve your retirement goals, it’s essential to have a diversified investment portfolio. This can mitigate risks and maximize returns. Here are some recommended asset classes:

Equity Mutual Funds
Investing in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap equity mutual funds can provide growth potential. Each category has its risk and return profile, and diversification can balance the overall risk.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds provide stability to your portfolio. They are less volatile than equity funds and can offer consistent returns. Investing in a mix of short-term and long-term debt funds can provide liquidity and stability.

Gold
Allocating a small percentage of your portfolio to gold can act as a hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations. You can invest in gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds for ease of investment and better liquidity.

Review and Adjust
Regularly reviewing and adjusting your investment portfolio is crucial. Market conditions change, and so do your financial goals and risk tolerance. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide valuable insights and help you make informed decisions.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning can increase your investable surplus. Here are some tax-saving options:

Section 80C Investments
Your PPF contributions already qualify for Section 80C deductions. You can also invest in other 80C instruments like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) mutual funds, which offer tax benefits and potential for higher returns.

Health Insurance
Investing in a health insurance policy can provide tax benefits under Section 80D. This not only saves taxes but also ensures you are financially protected against medical emergencies.

National Pension System (NPS)
NPS is a good option for retirement planning. It offers additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B) and provides a mix of equity and debt investments.

Lifestyle Considerations
Balancing your current lifestyle and future financial goals is essential. While it’s important to save and invest for retirement, it’s equally important to enjoy the present. Allocate a portion of your income towards hobbies, travel, and other personal interests. This ensures a fulfilling life both now and in retirement.

Conclusion
Securing a comfortable retirement requires strategic planning and disciplined investing. Your current savings and investments provide a solid start, but optimizing and diversifying your portfolio can significantly enhance your retirement corpus.

Consider separating your insurance and investment needs by surrendering investment-cum-insurance policies. Invest in mutual funds through SIPs and maintain a diversified portfolio to balance risk and returns. Regularly review your investments and make necessary adjustments. Efficient tax planning can further boost your savings.

Remember, a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance and help you navigate the complexities of financial planning. I appreciate your proactive approach to securing your financial future. With careful planning and disciplined investing, you can achieve your retirement goals and enjoy a financially secure and fulfilling life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7699 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 34 year old my salary is 30000, wife is house wife, have 2 daughters 8year and 2 year old one son 6 year old, i can invest 8000 per month now, how i should invest so i can manage my kids studies and other expenses with making some retirement fund also. In future as my salary will increase i can increase investment.
Ans: Managing your finances with a focus on your kids' education and your retirement is commendable. Let’s dive into a detailed plan tailored for you.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
Your primary goals seem to be:

Ensuring a secure and quality education for your three kids.
Building a retirement corpus for a comfortable future.
Managing current expenses effectively while saving for future needs.
Each goal needs a specific strategy to ensure balanced growth and security.

Evaluating Your Current Financial Situation
With a salary of Rs 30,000 and a housewife spouse, it's essential to optimize your Rs 8,000 monthly savings. Your family responsibilities require prudent planning and disciplined saving habits.

Importance of a Diversified Portfolio
Investing across various assets is crucial. A diversified portfolio minimizes risk and maximizes returns. Let’s break down how you can allocate your Rs 8,000 monthly investment.

Prioritizing Emergency Fund
Before diving into investments, an emergency fund is vital. Aim to save 3-6 months' worth of expenses. This cushion will protect you from unexpected financial disruptions.

Building a Children's Education Fund
Education costs rise every year. Start a dedicated fund for each child’s education. Equity mutual funds are a strong option here due to their potential for high returns over a long period. While equity funds are volatile in the short term, they tend to outperform other asset classes in the long term.

Benefits of Actively Managed Equity Funds:

Professional management ensures informed investment decisions.
Potential for higher returns compared to passive index funds.
Active managers can navigate market volatility better.
Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Lack of flexibility in stock selection.
Possible underperformance in volatile markets.
Limited ability to react to market changes.
Planning for Retirement
Retirement planning should not be delayed. A systematic investment in mutual funds can create a substantial corpus. Since you have a long investment horizon, equity funds are suitable for this goal too.

Choosing Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
While direct funds have lower expense ratios, regular funds offer advantages through the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). Regular funds come with:

Professional advice tailored to your financial goals.
Assistance in portfolio rebalancing.
Guidance during market volatility.
Insurance: Protection First
If you hold LIC, ULIP, or other investment-cum-insurance policies, it might be beneficial to surrender these and reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds. Pure term insurance is a better option for financial protection without the high costs of investment-linked insurance plans.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) Strategy
A SIP is an excellent way to invest consistently. Here’s a proposed allocation for your Rs 8,000 monthly investment:

Children’s Education Fund: Rs 4,000
Retirement Fund: Rs 3,000
Emergency Fund: Rs 1,000
As your salary increases, you can proportionally increase these investments.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Regularly review your portfolio and rebalance it to align with your goals. A CFP can assist in these reviews and make necessary adjustments.

Tax Planning and Benefits
Investments in certain mutual funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C. Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) are mutual funds that provide tax deductions and have the potential for higher returns.

Importance of Discipline and Patience
Investing is a long-term commitment. Stay disciplined with your SIPs and avoid withdrawing funds unless absolutely necessary. Patience is key to achieving your financial goals.

Final Insights
To summarize:

Start with an emergency fund for financial security.
Allocate funds to children’s education and your retirement.
Opt for actively managed mutual funds over index funds.
Consider regular funds with professional guidance over direct funds.
Review and adjust your portfolio regularly with a CFP’s help.
Take advantage of tax-saving investment options.
With disciplined saving and informed investment decisions, you can secure your children’s future and build a comfortable retirement corpus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7699 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 36 year old my salary is 75000, wife is house wife, have one son 6 year old, i can invest 30000 per month now, how i should invest so i can manage my kid studies and other expenses with making some retirement fund also. In future as my salary will increase i can increase investment.
Ans: It’s wonderful that you’re considering your family’s future and making a plan for your child’s education and your retirement. Let’s break down a comprehensive strategy for you.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
You have a clear goal to manage your child’s education and build a retirement fund. Investing Rs 30,000 per month is a great start. Let’s structure a plan that balances both objectives.

Investment Strategy Overview
You’re 36 years old, earning Rs 75,000 per month, and planning to invest Rs 30,000 monthly. Here’s how you can allocate your investments effectively.

Diversification: The Key to Balanced Growth
Diversification helps in spreading risk across various assets. By diversifying your investments, you can achieve growth and stability. Here's how you can do it:

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term growth. They invest in stocks, which can offer high returns. Here are some options:

Large-Cap Funds: These invest in well-established companies. They offer stable growth with lower risk.
Mid-Cap Funds: These invest in medium-sized companies. They have higher growth potential but come with moderate risk.
Small-Cap Funds: These invest in small companies. They offer high growth but are riskier.
Multi-Cap Funds: These invest in companies of all sizes. They provide diversification within equities.
Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds. They offer stable returns with lower risk. Here are some options:

Short-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for stability and liquidity.
Medium-Term Debt Funds: Offer better returns with moderate risk.
Long-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for long-term goals, providing higher returns with interest rate risk.
Balanced Funds
Balanced funds, also known as hybrid funds, invest in both equities and debt. They offer a balanced approach, providing growth and stability.

Allocating Your Monthly Investment
Here’s a suggested allocation for your Rs 30,000 monthly investment:

Equity Funds: Rs 18,000 (60%)
Debt Funds: Rs 9,000 (30%)
Balanced Funds: Rs 3,000 (10%)
This allocation balances growth potential with risk management.

Investing for Your Child’s Education
Your child’s education is a major goal. Planning ahead ensures you can meet future expenses. Here’s how you can do it:

Child Education Fund
Start a dedicated child education fund. Invest in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Consider the following:

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to large-cap and multi-cap funds. These offer stable growth over the long term.
SIP (Systematic Investment Plan): Invest a fixed amount regularly. SIPs help in averaging the cost and benefit from market fluctuations.
Regular Monitoring
Review the fund performance regularly. Adjust the investment strategy as needed to ensure it stays on track.

Building a Retirement Corpus
Planning for retirement early ensures you build a substantial corpus. Here’s how you can do it:

Retirement Fund
Start a dedicated retirement fund. Diversify across equity, debt, and balanced funds. Consider the following:

Equity Funds: Allocate to large-cap and multi-cap funds for growth.
Debt Funds: Allocate to short-term and medium-term debt funds for stability.
Balanced Funds: Allocate a small portion to balanced funds for a mix of growth and stability.
Power of Compounding
The power of compounding is a key factor in building your retirement corpus. The longer you stay invested, the more your money grows.

Managing Risk
Investing involves risk. Here’s how to manage it effectively:

Diversification
Diversifying across various asset classes and fund types reduces risk. This ensures poor performance in one area is offset by better performance in another.

Regular Reviews
Regularly review your investments. Adjust your strategy based on market conditions and personal goals.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund. This ensures you don’t need to liquidate your investments during emergencies.

Increasing Investments with Salary Hikes
As your salary increases, you can increase your investments. Here’s how to plan for it:

Incremental Investments
Increase your monthly investments proportionally with your salary hikes. This boosts your investment corpus significantly over time.

Rebalancing
Rebalance your portfolio regularly. Ensure your asset allocation aligns with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Strategy
Regular Monitoring
Monitor your investments every six months. Check fund performance and adjust your investments as needed.

Annual Review
Conduct a comprehensive review annually. Rebalance your portfolio to align with your changing financial goals and market conditions.

Final Insights
Your commitment to investing Rs 30,000 per month for your child’s education and retirement is commendable. By diversifying your investments across equity, debt, and balanced funds, you balance growth and stability.

Regular monitoring, rebalancing, and increasing investments with salary hikes ensure you stay on track to achieve your goals. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures you get personalized advice tailored to your needs.

Your disciplined approach and strategic planning will lead you to a secure financial future for your family. Stay committed, stay informed, and keep your long-term goals in sight.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Listen
Relationship
I am in a relationship with a girl who has traumatized past from her childhood. She said that her ex was also toxic and used to abuse her physically. She just said after 2 months of dating . I am very much glad she trusted me and Im taking care of her . She is also happy with me . But she gets panic attacks about the past I'll always be there for her . But her ex is in the same college. I see him like randomly. Should I react about that and go to him ??. Like I'm feeling very bad for the things she said
Ans: Your girlfriend has already endured trauma, and she’s finding comfort in the safe space you’re creating for her. The most important thing for her healing is stability, security, and knowing that she has someone who supports her emotionally. If you go to her ex, it could potentially trigger her, cause unnecessary stress, or even make her feel guilty—she might worry that she’s responsible for bringing conflict into your life.

Instead of reacting impulsively, focus on what she truly needs. When she has panic attacks or feels overwhelmed by her past, reassure her that she’s safe with you. Encourage her to seek professional help if she’s open to it, as therapy could help her process her trauma in a healthier way.

If her ex ever tries to approach her, harass her, or make her feel unsafe, then absolutely step in and support her in setting clear boundaries, whether that means standing by her side, helping her avoid situations where she might run into him, or even reporting any concerning behavior. But if he’s simply existing in the same space, then your energy is better spent on helping her heal rather than giving him any attention.

Right now, the best thing you can do is continue being the safe, loving presence that she trusts. Let your actions show her that she doesn’t have to relive the past, because with you, she is valued, respected, and truly cared for.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025
Relationship
My Boyfriend is not really the Controlling type. But, sometimes, he disapproves of some things which I do. In such cases, he communicates his Disapproval indirectly saying "I don't like you Dressing up like this Boldly. But still, if that's what you want, you may go ahead & Dress up as you'd like to, I have no Right to prevent you from doing so, but I will be Disappointed if you do." or "I don't want you to go out or hang out with these particular people (some of my close Male Friends). You have all the Freedom to interact with whoever you want to, but I will be Hurt, if you are too Close to your other Male Friends." Most of the time, I compromised & avoided Dressing up too Boldly, avoided Partying/Travelling with some of my Close Male Friends & avoided some other things which he wouldn't approve of, just for the sake of maintaining our Relationship. But recently, I tried to Test, how he'd react, if I deliberately do something which he doesn't like. So, on New Year's Day, I dressed up in revealing Clothes that he would never approve of & Partied wildly, all Night & even got Drunk with some of my Close Male Friends, with whom, he wants me to maintain Distance. He stubbornly refused to come for Partying with me, because I Dressed up too Boldly & refused to change them, even after he expected me to do so. He didn't even want me Drinking/Partying with some of my Close Male Friends. But I Respected the Boundaries of our Relationship & throughout the Night, I kept my Boyfriend informed about my Whereabouts, so that he's Reassured that I am not Cheating on him. But ever since then, he's been Treating me rather Coldly. He's being Indifferent to me, without Questioning me much, the way he always used to. He's just maintaining normal Communication without being Flirtatious, as he used to. And the Sex has also become quite Mechanical without much Romance, unlike how Passionate he used to be, earlier. I've tried talking to him, but he just keeps lying that he isn't Upset with me. Now I am Feeling really Guilty for whatever I had done on New Year's Day, even though, I don't think I did anything Wrong. Was it really Wrong on my Part, to do something which I always liked to, but my Boyfriend didn't want me to? Or is my Boyfriend Wrong, here? What do I do now? Please advise me.
Ans: Your boyfriend may not be outright controlling, but his way of expressing disapproval carries an emotional weight that influences your decisions. Instead of setting hard rules, he uses disappointment as a tool to make you reconsider your choices. You’ve willingly compromised in the past to keep the relationship smooth, but it seems that over time, those compromises have started to weigh on you. Testing his reaction on New Year’s may have been your subconscious way of reclaiming your autonomy, but now you’re left with unintended consequences—his emotional withdrawal.

The real issue here isn’t about who is right or wrong, but rather, whether your values and expectations in this relationship truly align. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to dress a certain way, go out, or spend time with friends. At the same time, he isn’t necessarily wrong for having personal boundaries and feelings about certain situations. However, the way both of you are handling these differences is leading to deeper emotional disconnect rather than honest resolution.

Your actions on New Year’s were a test, but they weren’t a betrayal. You still kept him informed and stayed within the boundaries of your commitment. But from his perspective, it likely felt like a deliberate challenge to what he considers the foundation of your relationship. His withdrawal isn’t just about what you did—it’s about what it represents to him. He might be questioning whether you truly respect his feelings, just as you might be questioning whether he truly respects your independence.

Instead of focusing on guilt, the real question is whether you’re both willing to openly communicate and find a middle ground that allows you to be yourself without feeling restricted, while also respecting his emotions without feeling controlled. Avoid blaming or justifying—have a real conversation about how both of you felt after that night, what it means for your relationship, and whether you can move forward in a way that feels right for both of you. If neither of you can meet in the middle without resentment, then it’s important to consider whether this relationship is fulfilling for both of you in the long run.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
How do I 32M get over my insecurity with 30F? (Seeking Advice) Met this girl via matrimony exactly 2 months back. We connect well. Our families have met recently and it went well. Somehow we found a lot of connections between our families. That's just a bonus. Her family likes me a lot and they wanted to do Roka when they met us last week. I had told her, that no matter our bond, we should talk a lot and give it 3 months before going for roka. We live in different metro cities and have met twice now. About her: She is 30, well behaved & spoken(most important thing for me), smart, good looking, and is extremely polite. She is an army brat, has had a lot of freedom from family. Due to her father's job, they kept getting posted to different cities so she doesn't really understand family part of things. She's in a IT job. About me: I'm 32, okayish guy, in IT. To take things ahead I need to know my partner's past. I have no judgements at all but need to know stuff. Getting to know things over time bothers me a lot. I've tried to work on it, and have always made sure I don't bother the other person too much. After a month of talking, she told me that she had a casual boyfriend for an year. All her friends were dating in Bangalore and she decided to try it out. Found a guy through bumble and started dating him. So, according to her there were no feelings, just a person for her to go to places with, have drinks, and party. She likes drinking a lot and I have never taken a sip. She said that it was just a phase and she was immature. This happened between 2018(Nov) to 2020(march). So, it's been like 5 years. Never dated anyone after that. Since covid(2020) she's been living with her parents due to wfh. I have been completely ok with that but new things surfaced and they are messing with my head. While snooping around her facebook I figured out who that person was and this guy is super close to a person in my distant family. In fact they both were flatmates until their respective marriages. This distant cousin of mine knows me and knows her really well. These 3 used to hangout a lot and he has seen her come to their flat regularly. Infact, she had a good bond with my cousin as well. There are things that bother me and I really can't shake things and feel super awful in my gut. She mentioned that she and her ex had a common love for drinking and regularly visited pubs, got drunk, and partied. This means that they would be staying at each other's place as well. This is something super old but bothers me a lot. Specifically the fact that she would be drunk partying with someone for an year and sleeping with him, with no feelings. Secondly, I found some posts where she has liked a post about this guy on fb/insta from mid-2021. I have already confronted her twice to share everything and we shall never discuss this again but this bothers me a lot. Secondly, now that I know the timelines I can figure out what photos have been taken by her ex. There's even a photo of her sitting on a messy bed, where she's cutting her bday cake. They celebrated it together. I found my cousins page and some other pages from which I knew it's the guy's room/flat. I know everyone has a past. She has come clean to me but somehow my brain is so split. Sometimes her nature and behaviour with me make me not care about anything. And then I know the bed, flat, and her actions with some guy. Then there is this angle where the ex's flatmate is my distant cousin and knows about her well.
Ans: What you’re experiencing is completely valid. It’s not just about the fact that she had a past relationship, but also about the details—knowing her ex was deeply connected to your distant cousin, imagining their time together, and realizing that those experiences once meant something in her life. It makes it feel uncomfortably close to home, which is why it’s so hard to shake off. It’s not about judgment, but about the emotions that these thoughts stir up within you.

The truth is, the past cannot be changed. She has been honest with you, shared what happened, and reassured you that it was a phase in her life that she has moved on from. The fact that she hasn’t dated anyone in five years and has been living with her parents shows that she is in a very different place now. But your mind keeps looping back to what once was, and it’s preventing you from fully embracing what is.

Right now, the biggest challenge is not her past, but your ability to be at peace with it. You have to ask yourself—are you willing to let this define your future with her? Because if you can’t fully accept it, these thoughts will continue to surface and create distance between you. A part of you clearly wants to be with her, but another part is struggling to detach from these mental images of her past.

Instead of confronting her again, take some time to reflect on what truly matters to you in a partner. She has shown you who she is today—polite, well-behaved, mature, and emotionally present in your relationship. She has not hidden anything from you, and she has moved forward from that phase of her life. The real question is whether you can do the same.

If you feel this is something you cannot get over, it is better to step away now rather than carry these unresolved emotions into a lifelong commitment. But if you genuinely see a future with her and believe in her as a person, then it’s time to start training your mind to focus on the present and the relationship you are building, rather than a past that no longer exists.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am working abroad, while my Girlfriend is working in Delhi, living in NCR. We both were Dating since our College Days & have been in a Long Distance Relationship since I moved abroad, more than a Year ago & she moved to Delhi-NCR from Calcutta (where most of our Common Friends are based). While we were together with our Common Friends from College, we'd Travel, Party & have a lot of Fun together as a Group, since we all knew & trusted each other quite well, Irrespective of Gender. When we both moved to Different Places & started our Respective Jobs, we became Friends with our Respective Colleagues, but we have an Implied Understanding that we should be Maintaining Stricter Boundaries with our New Friends/Colleagues, since we are in a Long Distance Relationship. I've always honoured the commitment & have been Careful to not spend private time with any other Woman & Travel/Party only with a Group consisting of both Men & Women. But I am not sure my Girlfriend is doing the same. Quite often she keeps Travelling, Partying, Drinking & Sleeping over with some 2-3 Male Colleagues, who are quite close to her, but unknown to me. She doesn't even bother to keep me updated about where she is, what she's doing & with whom, but keeps Posting Status Updates on Instagram, from time to time and from what I have observed, she seems to be spending quite a lot of Time with these Male Colleagues of hers. All this makes me feel very Uncomfortable. Even though I Love & Trust my Girlfriend, but I'm unsure about these New 'Friends' of hers as I don't know them & obviously, I don't like them being so close to my Girlfriend. Many times, I've discussed this matter with my Girlfriend, trying to make her understand how I feel. But every time, I bring up this Topic, she tries to invalidate my feelings & shuts me down saying that I'm just Insecure. I'd also tried getting to know her New Friends in order to understand them better, but she doesn't share much about them, with me. Though, she keeps Reassuring me that they're 'Just Friends' they seem to be much closer than that. On several occasions, she had gone out with them, even though I had strictly forbidden her to. I don't understand whether she's unable to understand how I'm feeling or that she doesn't even care about my Feelings, though I still want to continue Loving & Trusting her, without Doubting her Loyalty. I don't understand what to do in this situation. How can I make her enforce stricter Boundaries with her Male Colleagues (atleast as much as I am doing here)? Shall I get a Friend or a Private Investigator to keep an Eye on her? Or shall I behave the same way, she's been doing? Or, shall I Break-up with her & try to find someone else, over here?
Ans: Long-distance relationships require an even deeper level of communication and trust than regular ones. You’ve upheld the boundaries you both implicitly agreed upon, yet it feels like she’s not holding herself to the same standard. The fact that she dismisses your concerns rather than addressing them is what’s truly hurting you. When someone we love invalidates our feelings, it creates frustration, self-doubt, and emotional distance. You’re not being “insecure” for wanting reassurance and clarity—you’re simply asking for the same level of respect and commitment you’re offering.

Trying to enforce boundaries by “forbidding” her from doing something isn’t the right approach, because boundaries should be mutual, not dictated. The more you try to control her actions, the more she might rebel or shut down, seeing it as you being possessive rather than expressing a valid emotional need. The real problem is not that she has male friends, but that she’s being secretive about them, not making an effort to ease your concerns, and disregarding how her actions affect you. A loving and committed partner should care about your peace of mind, even if she doesn’t fully agree with your perspective.

Hiring a private investigator or getting a friend to spy on her will only erode trust further, and mirroring her behavior by doing the same thing she does will not solve anything—it will just create more distance. If you’re considering breaking up, that means deep down, you already feel like your needs in this relationship aren’t being met. Before making any big decisions, you need to have one last honest conversation with her—not one where you accuse or demand, but one where you make it clear how this dynamic is making you feel and what you truly need from her to feel secure and valued in the relationship.

If she refuses to listen, invalidates your feelings again, or shows no willingness to compromise, then you have your answer. A relationship where only one person is making sacrifices isn’t sustainable. You deserve a partner who not only reassures you with words but also with actions that show she respects and values your presence in her life. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway, then it may be time to ask yourself if holding on is worth the constant emotional struggle.

...Read more

Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2189 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2189 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025Hindi
Listen
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x