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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 36 year old my salary is 75000, wife is house wife, have one son 6 year old, i can invest 30000 per month now, how i should invest so i can manage my kid studies and other expenses with making some retirement fund also. In future as my salary will increase i can increase investment.

Ans: It’s wonderful that you’re considering your family’s future and making a plan for your child’s education and your retirement. Let’s break down a comprehensive strategy for you.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
You have a clear goal to manage your child’s education and build a retirement fund. Investing Rs 30,000 per month is a great start. Let’s structure a plan that balances both objectives.

Investment Strategy Overview
You’re 36 years old, earning Rs 75,000 per month, and planning to invest Rs 30,000 monthly. Here’s how you can allocate your investments effectively.

Diversification: The Key to Balanced Growth
Diversification helps in spreading risk across various assets. By diversifying your investments, you can achieve growth and stability. Here's how you can do it:

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term growth. They invest in stocks, which can offer high returns. Here are some options:

Large-Cap Funds: These invest in well-established companies. They offer stable growth with lower risk.
Mid-Cap Funds: These invest in medium-sized companies. They have higher growth potential but come with moderate risk.
Small-Cap Funds: These invest in small companies. They offer high growth but are riskier.
Multi-Cap Funds: These invest in companies of all sizes. They provide diversification within equities.
Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds. They offer stable returns with lower risk. Here are some options:

Short-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for stability and liquidity.
Medium-Term Debt Funds: Offer better returns with moderate risk.
Long-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for long-term goals, providing higher returns with interest rate risk.
Balanced Funds
Balanced funds, also known as hybrid funds, invest in both equities and debt. They offer a balanced approach, providing growth and stability.

Allocating Your Monthly Investment
Here’s a suggested allocation for your Rs 30,000 monthly investment:

Equity Funds: Rs 18,000 (60%)
Debt Funds: Rs 9,000 (30%)
Balanced Funds: Rs 3,000 (10%)
This allocation balances growth potential with risk management.

Investing for Your Child’s Education
Your child’s education is a major goal. Planning ahead ensures you can meet future expenses. Here’s how you can do it:

Child Education Fund
Start a dedicated child education fund. Invest in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Consider the following:

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion to large-cap and multi-cap funds. These offer stable growth over the long term.
SIP (Systematic Investment Plan): Invest a fixed amount regularly. SIPs help in averaging the cost and benefit from market fluctuations.
Regular Monitoring
Review the fund performance regularly. Adjust the investment strategy as needed to ensure it stays on track.

Building a Retirement Corpus
Planning for retirement early ensures you build a substantial corpus. Here’s how you can do it:

Retirement Fund
Start a dedicated retirement fund. Diversify across equity, debt, and balanced funds. Consider the following:

Equity Funds: Allocate to large-cap and multi-cap funds for growth.
Debt Funds: Allocate to short-term and medium-term debt funds for stability.
Balanced Funds: Allocate a small portion to balanced funds for a mix of growth and stability.
Power of Compounding
The power of compounding is a key factor in building your retirement corpus. The longer you stay invested, the more your money grows.

Managing Risk
Investing involves risk. Here’s how to manage it effectively:

Diversification
Diversifying across various asset classes and fund types reduces risk. This ensures poor performance in one area is offset by better performance in another.

Regular Reviews
Regularly review your investments. Adjust your strategy based on market conditions and personal goals.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund. This ensures you don’t need to liquidate your investments during emergencies.

Increasing Investments with Salary Hikes
As your salary increases, you can increase your investments. Here’s how to plan for it:

Incremental Investments
Increase your monthly investments proportionally with your salary hikes. This boosts your investment corpus significantly over time.

Rebalancing
Rebalance your portfolio regularly. Ensure your asset allocation aligns with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Strategy
Regular Monitoring
Monitor your investments every six months. Check fund performance and adjust your investments as needed.

Annual Review
Conduct a comprehensive review annually. Rebalance your portfolio to align with your changing financial goals and market conditions.

Final Insights
Your commitment to investing Rs 30,000 per month for your child’s education and retirement is commendable. By diversifying your investments across equity, debt, and balanced funds, you balance growth and stability.

Regular monitoring, rebalancing, and increasing investments with salary hikes ensure you stay on track to achieve your goals. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures you get personalized advice tailored to your needs.

Your disciplined approach and strategic planning will lead you to a secure financial future for your family. Stay committed, stay informed, and keep your long-term goals in sight.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir,I m 43 year old, working in pvt college and getting 60000per month,pls elaborate me about investing and savings for my retirement and present expenses as I have two kids one is 16year and another one is 12 year
Ans: At 43 years old, with a monthly income of Rs. 60,000, your financial goals should include both immediate and long-term objectives. These goals would typically cover day-to-day expenses, children’s education, and retirement planning. Let’s break down how you can balance your current needs with future savings.

Managing Current Expenses
You have two children, aged 16 and 12, and it’s vital to manage your monthly expenses carefully. A clear budget is the foundation of good financial planning.

Household Expenses: Ensure your essential expenses are well-covered. These include food, utilities, and other daily necessities. Try to allocate a specific amount each month to prevent overspending.

Children’s Education: With children at 16 and 12 years old, educational expenses will increase, especially as your older child approaches higher education. Plan for tuition fees, books, and other related costs.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least six months of your monthly income. This fund will protect you from unexpected financial burdens like medical emergencies or job loss.

Allocating Savings for Future Needs
Balancing current expenses with savings for future needs is key to long-term financial security. Let’s explore how you can start saving efficiently.

Retirement Planning: You’re currently 43 years old, so retirement is still some years away. However, starting early is important. Consider contributing 20-30% of your income towards retirement savings. Look for options that offer a balance between growth and safety.

Children’s Higher Education: Higher education can be costly. Start investing in a dedicated plan for your children’s education. This should be separate from your retirement savings to avoid depleting your retirement funds.

Investment Options for a Secure Future
With a stable income, it’s crucial to explore the right investment options to grow your wealth. A diversified approach is recommended, keeping in mind your risk tolerance and time horizon.

Diversified Mutual Funds
Balanced Growth: Diversified mutual funds offer a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and reward. This type of fund is ideal if you’re looking for moderate growth without exposing your investments to excessive risk.

Professional Management: Actively managed mutual funds are handled by professional fund managers who adjust the portfolio based on market conditions. This offers you peace of mind, knowing that experts are managing your investments.

Regular Savings: Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) allow you to invest small amounts regularly. SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and building wealth over time.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
You might come across index funds or direct funds as investment options. While they may seem appealing due to lower fees, they come with certain disadvantages.

Index Funds: These funds passively track an index and do not try to outperform the market. While fees are lower, they may not provide the returns you need, especially during market downturns. The lack of active management could result in missed opportunities.

Direct Funds: Direct funds cut out the intermediary, saving on commission fees. However, this approach requires you to manage and monitor your investments closely. It’s easy to make mistakes without expert guidance. Regular funds, on the other hand, offer the benefit of advice from a Certified Financial Planner, who can help optimize your investments.

Tax-Efficient Investments
Tax efficiency is a critical aspect of your financial plan. Choosing investments that offer tax benefits can maximize your returns.

Tax-Saving Instruments: Look into options that provide deductions under Section 80C, such as Public Provident Fund (PPF) or certain life insurance plans. These not only help in saving taxes but also ensure a safe return on your investment.

Long-Term Capital Gains: Consider investments that are taxed as long-term capital gains (LTCG) after a holding period. LTCG tax rates are generally lower than income tax rates, making them a tax-efficient option for wealth growth.

Insurance: Protecting Your Family’s Future
Insurance is an essential part of financial planning. It ensures that your family is financially protected in case of any unforeseen events.

Life Insurance: If you haven’t already, consider purchasing a term life insurance plan. This type of insurance provides a high coverage amount at a lower premium, ensuring your family’s financial security if something happens to you.

Health Insurance: With increasing healthcare costs, it’s important to have a comprehensive health insurance policy. This should cover you and your family, including any critical illness riders if possible.

Evaluating Your Retirement Corpus
When planning for retirement, it’s important to estimate the corpus you’ll need. The amount should be sufficient to cover your living expenses without relying on others.

Inflation: Consider inflation when planning your retirement corpus. The cost of living will increase over time, so your savings should be able to provide you with a comfortable lifestyle even 20-30 years from now.

Pension Options: If your employer offers a pension plan, review the benefits. If not, consider setting up a self-managed retirement plan that includes a mix of investments and savings.

Creating a Long-Term Investment Plan
A long-term investment plan is necessary to ensure that your savings grow steadily. This plan should include a mix of short-term and long-term investments, catering to different financial goals.

Equity Exposure: With 15-20 years until retirement, you can afford to have some exposure to equity investments. Equities have the potential to deliver higher returns over the long term, though they come with higher risks.

Debt Instruments: Complement your equity investments with safer debt instruments like bonds or fixed deposits. This will balance your portfolio and provide a steady income stream with lower risk.

Regular Review and Adjustment
A financial plan is not a one-time activity. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your plan is crucial to keep up with changes in your life and in the market.

Annual Review: Set aside time each year to review your financial plan. Assess whether your investments are performing as expected and whether you need to make any changes.

Goal Adjustment: As your children grow older and your financial situation changes, you may need to adjust your goals. Ensure your plan remains aligned with your evolving needs.

Final Insights
Balancing current expenses with future savings is a delicate task, but it’s entirely achievable with a disciplined approach. Prioritizing your children’s education, creating a solid retirement plan, and choosing tax-efficient, diversified investments will help you build a secure financial future. Regular reviews and adjustments to your plan will ensure you stay on track to meet your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 34 year old my salary is 30000, wife is house wife, have 2 daughters 8year and 2 year old one son 6 year old, i can invest 8000 per month now, how i should invest so i can manage my kids studies and other expenses with making some retirement fund also. In future as my salary will increase i can increase investment.
Ans: Managing your finances with a focus on your kids' education and your retirement is commendable. Let’s dive into a detailed plan tailored for you.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
Your primary goals seem to be:

Ensuring a secure and quality education for your three kids.
Building a retirement corpus for a comfortable future.
Managing current expenses effectively while saving for future needs.
Each goal needs a specific strategy to ensure balanced growth and security.

Evaluating Your Current Financial Situation
With a salary of Rs 30,000 and a housewife spouse, it's essential to optimize your Rs 8,000 monthly savings. Your family responsibilities require prudent planning and disciplined saving habits.

Importance of a Diversified Portfolio
Investing across various assets is crucial. A diversified portfolio minimizes risk and maximizes returns. Let’s break down how you can allocate your Rs 8,000 monthly investment.

Prioritizing Emergency Fund
Before diving into investments, an emergency fund is vital. Aim to save 3-6 months' worth of expenses. This cushion will protect you from unexpected financial disruptions.

Building a Children's Education Fund
Education costs rise every year. Start a dedicated fund for each child’s education. Equity mutual funds are a strong option here due to their potential for high returns over a long period. While equity funds are volatile in the short term, they tend to outperform other asset classes in the long term.

Benefits of Actively Managed Equity Funds:

Professional management ensures informed investment decisions.
Potential for higher returns compared to passive index funds.
Active managers can navigate market volatility better.
Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Lack of flexibility in stock selection.
Possible underperformance in volatile markets.
Limited ability to react to market changes.
Planning for Retirement
Retirement planning should not be delayed. A systematic investment in mutual funds can create a substantial corpus. Since you have a long investment horizon, equity funds are suitable for this goal too.

Choosing Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
While direct funds have lower expense ratios, regular funds offer advantages through the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). Regular funds come with:

Professional advice tailored to your financial goals.
Assistance in portfolio rebalancing.
Guidance during market volatility.
Insurance: Protection First
If you hold LIC, ULIP, or other investment-cum-insurance policies, it might be beneficial to surrender these and reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds. Pure term insurance is a better option for financial protection without the high costs of investment-linked insurance plans.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) Strategy
A SIP is an excellent way to invest consistently. Here’s a proposed allocation for your Rs 8,000 monthly investment:

Children’s Education Fund: Rs 4,000
Retirement Fund: Rs 3,000
Emergency Fund: Rs 1,000
As your salary increases, you can proportionally increase these investments.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Regularly review your portfolio and rebalance it to align with your goals. A CFP can assist in these reviews and make necessary adjustments.

Tax Planning and Benefits
Investments in certain mutual funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C. Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) are mutual funds that provide tax deductions and have the potential for higher returns.

Importance of Discipline and Patience
Investing is a long-term commitment. Stay disciplined with your SIPs and avoid withdrawing funds unless absolutely necessary. Patience is key to achieving your financial goals.

Final Insights
To summarize:

Start with an emergency fund for financial security.
Allocate funds to children’s education and your retirement.
Opt for actively managed mutual funds over index funds.
Consider regular funds with professional guidance over direct funds.
Review and adjust your portfolio regularly with a CFP’s help.
Take advantage of tax-saving investment options.
With disciplined saving and informed investment decisions, you can secure your children’s future and build a comfortable retirement corpus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 46 year old my salary is 25000, wife is house wife, have only one son 16 year old, i can invest 6000 per month now, how i should invest so i can manage my kids studies and other expenses with making some retirement fund also. In future as my salary will increase i can increase investment.
Ans: Managing your finances while planning for your son's education and your retirement is important. You’re already on the right track by wanting to invest Rs. 6,000 per month. Let's dive into a detailed plan.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You're 46 years old with a monthly salary of Rs. 25,000. Your wife is a homemaker, and you have a 16-year-old son. You can invest Rs. 6,000 monthly, and you plan to increase this amount as your salary grows.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
First, let's define your financial goals:

Your Son's Education: Your son is 16, so he’ll soon need funds for higher education.

Your Retirement: Building a retirement fund to ensure financial security in your later years.

Prioritizing Your Investments
We’ll prioritize your investments based on your goals. Here’s a step-by-step approach.

Emergency Fund
Before diving into investments, ensure you have an emergency fund. This should cover at least 6 months of living expenses. This fund provides a safety net for unexpected expenses.

Target Amount: Rs. 1,50,000 (approx. Rs. 25,000 * 6)
Where to Keep: High-interest savings account or liquid mutual funds
Investing in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds are a great way to grow your investments. They offer diversification and professional management. Here’s how you can allocate your Rs. 6,000 monthly investment.

Diversifying Your Mutual Fund Investments
1. Equity Mutual Funds

Equity mutual funds invest in stocks. They offer high returns over the long term but come with higher risks. Suitable for your retirement and long-term goals.

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies. They provide stable returns with lower risk.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Invest in smaller companies with high growth potential. They are riskier but offer higher returns.
2. Debt Mutual Funds

Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds. They are less risky and provide regular income. Suitable for short to medium-term goals like your son's education.

Short-Term Debt Funds: Provide stability and are less volatile. Good for parking funds needed in the next few years.
Long-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for generating regular income over a longer period.
3. Balanced or Hybrid Funds

Balanced or hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt. They offer a balanced approach with moderate risk and returns. Good for medium-term goals.

Sample Investment Allocation
Given your current investment capacity, here’s a suggested allocation of your Rs. 6,000 monthly investment:

Large-Cap Equity Fund: Rs. 2,000
Mid-Cap Equity Fund: Rs. 1,000
Short-Term Debt Fund: Rs. 1,500
Balanced Fund: Rs. 1,500
Investing for Your Son’s Education
Your son is 16, and higher education expenses are imminent. Here’s how to plan:

1. Estimate Education Costs

Estimate the total cost of your son’s higher education. Include tuition fees, living expenses, books, and other costs. Adjust for inflation, as education costs tend to rise.

2. Investment Strategy

Short-Term Investments: Since your son will need the money soon, focus on less volatile investments. Short-term debt funds and balanced funds are suitable.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Continue with SIPs in mutual funds to accumulate the required corpus.
Retirement Planning
Planning for retirement is crucial. Here’s a strategy to build your retirement corpus:

1. Estimate Retirement Corpus

Calculate the amount needed for a comfortable retirement. Consider your living expenses, inflation, and life expectancy.

2. Long-Term Investments

Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity funds for higher growth.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): In retirement, use SWPs to provide a regular income from your mutual fund investments.
Increasing Investments Over Time
As your salary increases, incrementally increase your investments. Even small increases can significantly impact your long-term corpus due to compounding.

1. Regular Review

Regularly review and adjust your investment portfolio based on your goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions. Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice.

2. Stay Disciplined

Stick to your investment plan and avoid making impulsive decisions based on market fluctuations. Staying disciplined is key to achieving your financial goals.

Insurance Coverage
1. Health Insurance

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for your family. Medical emergencies can deplete your savings quickly.

2. Term Life Insurance

Consider a term life insurance policy to secure your family’s financial future in case of unforeseen circumstances. It provides a large cover at a low premium.

Avoiding Real Estate and Other Options
Given your financial goals and monthly investment capacity, real estate is not recommended due to its illiquid nature and high costs.

1. Active Management vs. Index Funds

Active management in mutual funds can potentially offer higher returns than index funds. Fund managers actively choose stocks to outperform the market.

Final Insights
Shiva, your dedication to planning for your son’s education and your retirement is commendable. Here’s a recap:

Emergency Fund: Maintain a fund covering 6 months of expenses.
Diversified Mutual Fund Portfolio: Allocate Rs. 6,000 monthly across equity, debt, and balanced funds.
Short-Term Investments: Focus on less volatile funds for your son’s education.
Long-Term Investments: Prioritize equity funds for retirement.
Increase Investments: Gradually increase your investments as your salary grows.
Insurance Coverage: Ensure adequate health and life insurance.
By following this plan, you can secure your son’s education and build a comfortable retirement fund. Stay disciplined, review your investments regularly, and adjust as needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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