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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 31, 2024Hindi
Money

I am in deep debt about ten crores. My business right now has a topline of one cr with 30% gross margins. I have lost hopes of living... Please help. How can i come out of this mess?

Ans: I'm truly sorry to hear about your financial difficulties. It's important to stay hopeful and remember that there are ways to overcome this situation. Let's explore a detailed plan to help you navigate out of debt and rebuild your financial stability.

Understanding Your Current Situation
Business Overview

Your business has a topline of Rs. 1 crore with a 30% gross margin. This means you have a gross profit of Rs. 30 lakhs annually. While this is a positive aspect, it may not be sufficient to service a debt of Rs. 10 crores.

Debt Details

A debt of Rs. 10 crores is substantial. Understanding the nature of this debt (secured, unsecured, interest rates, repayment terms) is crucial for creating a repayment strategy.

Immediate Steps to Manage Debt
Prioritize Debt Payments

Identify and prioritize debts based on interest rates and repayment terms. Focus on high-interest debt first to reduce the overall interest burden.

Negotiate with Creditors

Open communication with your creditors can lead to better repayment terms. Creditors might be willing to restructure your debt, offer lower interest rates, or extend repayment periods.

Expense Management

Review and cut non-essential expenses. Every rupee saved can help in debt repayment. Streamline operations to reduce costs without compromising business quality.

Increasing Business Revenue
Boost Sales

Focus on strategies to increase sales. Enhance marketing efforts, explore new markets, or introduce new products or services to attract more customers.

Improve Profit Margins

Find ways to improve your profit margins. Negotiate better terms with suppliers, reduce waste, and improve operational efficiency.

Diversify Income Streams

Consider diversifying your income streams. Look for additional revenue opportunities within your industry or related fields.

Financial Planning and Budgeting
Create a Budget

Develop a detailed budget outlining your income, expenses, and debt repayments. Stick to this budget to ensure you are on track with your financial goals.

Emergency Fund

Although debt repayment is a priority, maintaining a small emergency fund is essential. This prevents additional debt in case of unexpected expenses.

Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP)

Engage a CFP for personalized financial advice. A CFP can help you create a comprehensive debt repayment and financial recovery plan tailored to your situation.

Debt Counseling

Consider professional debt counseling services. They provide advice on managing debt, negotiating with creditors, and creating repayment plans.

Long-term Strategies for Financial Stability
Increase Capital Efficiency

Use your existing capital more efficiently. Reinvest profits back into the business to spur growth and improve financial health.

Seek Additional Funding

Explore funding options such as business loans, grants, or investors. Ensure that any additional funding obtained is used strategically to improve business profitability.

Asset Liquidation

If you have non-essential assets, consider liquidating them to reduce debt. This can provide immediate cash flow to address pressing financial obligations.

Mental Health and Emotional Support
Seek Support

Dealing with financial stress can be overwhelming. Seek support from friends, family, or professional counselors. Emotional and mental health is crucial during challenging times.

Stay Positive

Maintain a positive outlook. Financial difficulties can be temporary. With a structured plan and consistent effort, you can overcome these challenges.

Practical Steps for Implementation
Monthly Review

Conduct monthly reviews of your financial situation. Assess your progress in debt repayment, business performance, and adherence to the budget.

Adjust Strategies

Be flexible and willing to adjust your strategies as needed. Monitor market trends, business performance, and financial health regularly.

Document Progress

Keep detailed records of your financial transactions, debt repayments, and business growth. This documentation helps in tracking progress and making informed decisions.

Building a Financial Cushion
Savings Plan

Once the immediate debt pressure eases, start building a financial cushion. Regular savings can provide security and buffer against future financial challenges.

Investment Strategy

Develop a long-term investment strategy. Investing in diversified portfolios can help grow your wealth and provide financial stability.

Conclusion
Overcoming a Rs. 10 crore debt with a Rs. 1 crore business turnover is challenging but achievable. Focus on increasing revenue, improving profit margins, and negotiating with creditors. A Certified Financial Planner can provide the professional guidance needed to create and implement an effective plan.

Stay committed to your financial goals, remain positive, and seek support when needed. With persistence and strategic planning, you can navigate through this challenging phase and achieve financial stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
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Money
Dear Sir, I am a 31 year old married man.I am in a huge debt trap of multiple loans plus credit card mounting around 9 lakhs. I work in MNC company earning 70k per month. Please advise or suggest if I can come out of this.
Ans: I understand your concern about being in a debt trap, but there are steps you can take to address the situation and work towards financial stability:

Assess Your Debt: Start by listing out all your debts, including the outstanding amounts, interest rates, and minimum monthly payments. This will give you a clear picture of your financial situation.
Create a Budget: Develop a detailed budget that outlines your monthly income and expenses. Identify areas where you can cut back on spending to free up more money to put towards debt repayment.
Prioritize Debt Repayment: Focus on paying off high-interest debt first, such as credit card debt. Consider using the debt avalanche or debt snowball method to systematically tackle your debts.
Negotiate with Creditors: Reach out to your creditors to discuss repayment options. They may be willing to negotiate lower interest rates, waive fees, or offer a repayment plan that fits your budget.
Explore Debt Consolidation: Consolidating your debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate can make it easier to manage and potentially reduce your overall interest costs. However, be cautious and carefully evaluate the terms and fees associated with any consolidation offer.
Increase Your Income: Look for opportunities to increase your income, such as taking on a part-time job, freelancing, or seeking a higher-paying position within your company.
Seek Professional Help: If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to proceed, consider seeking assistance from a financial counselor or debt relief agency. They can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific situation.
Avoid Taking on New Debt: While you're working to pay off your existing debt, avoid taking on any new debt if possible. Stick to your budget and focus on living within your means.
It may take time and discipline, but with a solid plan and commitment to debt repayment, you can overcome your debt challenges and regain control of your finances. Remember to be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello sir, I am 31 year old unmarried individual. I have debt of about 10 lacs. My monthly expenses including bills and household expenses come upto 9k per month. My debt is at 40k per month. I earn 50k in hand each month. I have no savings, no mutual funds, no pf money even. I have exhausted all of them in clearing my debt. (I had debt of 12 lacs). Since last 3 years, I have been taking money from credit card, NBFCs, etc to manage my expenses and debt. But over the last 3 months, things are getting out of hand. I am now 60k in debt expenses excluded. My salary is the same. No other means of income. My credit score is hit, my dues are pending for more than 2 months. I need to come out of this very badly. I am not getting any loans (thought of consolidating all of them into one). How do I come out of this, sir?
Ans: I understand the stress you are under and appreciate your honesty. Managing debt can be overwhelming. Let's work on a plan to help you regain financial stability.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You're earning Rs 50,000 monthly. Your debt repayment is Rs 40,000 per month. Additionally, your monthly expenses are Rs 9,000. This leaves you with no savings and a deficit of Rs 9,000 monthly. Your debt has increased to Rs 60,000 in recent months, and your credit score has been negatively impacted.

Immediate Steps to Manage Your Situation
1. Assess and Prioritize Debts
List all your debts, including credit card and NBFC loans. Note their interest rates and monthly payments. Prioritize debts with higher interest rates. Paying them off first will reduce the amount you pay in interest over time.

2. Negotiate with Creditors
Contact your creditors and explain your situation. Many creditors will work with you to create a more manageable payment plan. They might offer lower interest rates or extended payment terms. This can provide temporary relief and make your monthly payments more manageable.

3. Cut Unnecessary Expenses
Examine your monthly expenses. Look for areas where you can cut costs. Even small savings can add up over time. Focus on essentials and eliminate any non-essential spending. Every rupee saved can help reduce your debt.

4. Increase Income
Consider part-time work or freelance opportunities to boost your income. Every additional rupee can go towards paying off your debt. Look for gigs that match your skills and can be done in your spare time. This can help bridge the gap between your income and expenses.

Creating a Sustainable Financial Plan
1. Budgeting
Create a strict budget. Allocate funds for your essential expenses and debt repayments first. Stick to this budget rigorously. This will ensure that every rupee is accounted for and used effectively. Use budgeting apps or tools to track your expenses and stay on top of your financial situation.

2. Emergency Fund
Once your debt is under control, start building an emergency fund. Aim for at least 3-6 months’ worth of expenses. This fund will act as a safety net in case of unexpected expenses. It will prevent you from relying on credit cards or loans in the future.

3. Debt Snowball Method
After negotiating lower payments, focus on paying off the smallest debts first. This is known as the debt snowball method. Once the smallest debt is paid off, move to the next smallest. This method provides quick wins and keeps you motivated.

Long-Term Financial Health
1. Rebuild Credit Score
Make timely payments on all your debts. Avoid missing any payments. Over time, this will improve your credit score. A good credit score will give you better options for loans in the future, with lower interest rates.

2. Savings and Investments
Once your debts are manageable, start focusing on savings and investments. Begin with small, regular savings. Consider investing in mutual funds through a certified financial planner. They can provide professional advice and help you choose the right funds.

3. Avoid High-Interest Loans
Avoid taking new loans or using credit cards for non-essential purchases. High-interest loans can quickly become unmanageable. Focus on living within your means and saving for future expenses.

Seeking Professional Help
1. Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Consider consulting a certified financial planner. They can provide personalized advice and help you create a long-term financial plan. A CFP will help you navigate complex financial situations and provide guidance tailored to your needs.

2. Debt Counselling
Look into debt counselling services. They can provide support and advice on managing your debt. These services often offer educational resources and tools to help you stay on track.

Mental and Emotional Well-being
1. Stress Management
Financial stress can take a toll on your mental health. Practice stress management techniques like meditation, exercise, or talking to a friend. Taking care of your mental health is crucial during this challenging time.

2. Support System
Lean on your support system. Friends and family can provide emotional support and sometimes even financial advice. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or guidance.

Final Insights
Your current financial situation is challenging but not insurmountable. By taking immediate steps to manage your debts, cutting unnecessary expenses, and potentially increasing your income, you can start to regain control. Creating a strict budget and sticking to it will help ensure that your money is used effectively.

Rebuilding your credit score will take time, but making consistent payments and avoiding new high-interest loans will help. Seeking professional advice from a certified financial planner can provide the personalized guidance you need to navigate this situation.

Remember, every small step counts. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small. You're not alone, and with determination and the right strategies, you can overcome this financial hurdle.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

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Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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