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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
sandeep Question by sandeep on Jul 07, 2024Hindi
Money

Sir my age is 34 yr .. in govt job .. monthly income is 1 lac ..with 2 children..I m investing 15000 per month in mutual fund and 10000 rs per month in PF nd 7000 in LIC ...what amount I will get in future and what extra I need ...??

Ans: You’re 34 years old and working in a government job, earning Rs 1 lakh per month. You have two children, which makes planning for the future even more critical. You're currently investing Rs 15,000 per month in mutual funds, Rs 10,000 per month in Provident Fund (PF), and Rs 7,000 in LIC.

Your commitment to these investments is admirable, but it’s important to ensure that they align with your long-term goals. Let’s assess where you are now and how you can plan for a secure future.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Mutual Fund SIPs: Investing Rs 15,000 per month in mutual funds is a strong strategy for wealth creation. Mutual funds have the potential for good returns over the long term. The power of compounding will help your money grow, especially if you stay invested for a long time.

Provident Fund (PF): Your Rs 10,000 monthly investment in PF is a solid choice for safe and steady growth. PF offers a fixed return with tax benefits, making it a secure option. It is particularly beneficial for retirement planning.

LIC Policies: You’re investing Rs 7,000 per month in LIC. While LIC provides a mix of insurance and returns, it’s essential to evaluate if it meets your needs. Traditional LIC policies typically offer lower returns compared to other investment options.

Projecting Your Future Corpus
Without using specific calculations or formulas, let’s broadly estimate what you might expect from your investments:

Mutual Funds: Over a long period, mutual funds have the potential to offer returns that could multiply your investments significantly. However, these returns are not guaranteed and are subject to market risks.

Provident Fund (PF): PF offers a predictable return, which will grow steadily. This fund will be a key part of your retirement corpus, providing you with a stable income during your retirement years.

LIC Policies: The returns from LIC policies are generally lower compared to mutual funds or even PF. These policies are more about protection and security than wealth creation.

Assessing Your Financial Goals
To determine what extra you need to do, it’s important to identify your financial goals. Here are some typical goals:

Children’s Education: Providing for your children’s higher education is likely a priority. Education costs are rising, and planning early will help you avoid financial stress later.

Retirement Planning: Securing your retirement is crucial. You need to ensure that your retirement corpus is sufficient to maintain your lifestyle after you stop working.

Emergency Fund: It’s important to have an emergency fund that can cover at least 6 months of your expenses. This fund should be liquid and easily accessible in case of unexpected events.

Identifying Gaps and Additional Steps
Increase Mutual Fund Investments: You may want to increase your monthly SIP in mutual funds. This will help you build a larger corpus for long-term goals like your children’s education and your retirement. Consider actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) instead of direct funds to benefit from professional expertise.

Review LIC Policies: Assess whether your LIC policies are serving your financial goals. If the returns are lower than what you could get from mutual funds or PF, you might consider surrendering the policy and reinvesting the proceeds in higher-yielding options. However, do this only after careful consideration and consultation with a CFP.

Explore Child Education Plans: Consider investing in child education plans that can offer returns aligned with the future cost of education. Look for options that provide growth potential and ensure that the funds are available when needed.

Build an Emergency Fund: If you haven’t already, start building an emergency fund. This will provide financial security and ensure that you’re not forced to dip into your investments during tough times.

Final Insights
Balanced Investment Approach: Continue your existing investments but consider increasing your mutual fund SIP. This will help you take advantage of the long-term growth potential of the market.

Insurance and Protection: Ensure that your insurance needs are adequately covered. LIC provides life coverage, but you may also want to explore term insurance for higher coverage at a lower premium.

Retirement Planning: Your PF is a good start, but it might not be enough. Consider increasing your retirement investments by either upping your PF contribution or adding to your mutual fund investments.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner: A CFP can help you align your investments with your goals. They can offer personalized advice based on your specific situation, helping you make informed decisions for your family’s future.

By taking these steps, you can ensure that your financial future is secure and that you’re on track to meet your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Hello Hardik Bhai I am at 54 years in MNC. My monthly take home ~ ₹1.4 lacs + I have 2 flats that fetch rental income of ₹ ~ 50000/-. PF accumulation is around 60 lacs. Have home emi of 61000/- monthly and I am in a government flat (my wife government employee she has another 7 years of service). Make all effort to ensure that her salary is not touched.. have a daughter at 22 years. Based on her academic appetite and success have earmarked ~50 lacs for her higher education. Have investment in equity 15 lacs worth and gold around 50 lacs. Assuming I retire in another 6-7 years, how much I should ensure monthly income to maintain a present standard of of life without dependency. Your views on mutual fund etc. will be appreciated.. Thanks
Ans: Considering your profile and aspirations, here's a strategic overview:-

1. Current Income and Assets:
Monthly take-home: ?1.4 lacs
Rental income: ?50,000/-
PF accumulation: ?60 lacs
Equity investment: ?15 lacs
Gold holdings: ?50 lacs
2. Liabilities:- Home EMI: ?61,000/-
3. Future Goals and Commitments:- Daughter's higher education fund: ?50 lacs
4. Retirement Plans:- Target retirement in 6-7 years

Considering your retirement goal, let's outline a strategic approach:-

Monthly Income Requirement:- Assess your current monthly expenses and lifestyle to determine the income needed to maintain your standard of living. Factor in inflation for accurate projections.

Investment Diversification:- Given your time horizon, consider a balanced portfolio across mutual funds, including equity and debt. Diversification helps manage risk.

PF Utilization:- Evaluate the possibility of utilizing PF wisely for retirement income. Understand withdrawal rules and tax implications.

Real Estate Planning:- Given your rental income and property assets, review their potential for contributing to your retirement income.

Daughter's Education Fund:- Ensure your earmarked amount aligns with the expected cost of her education. Consider investment options with a medium-term horizon.

Risk Management:- Review your insurance coverage, including health and life insurance, to safeguard against unforeseen circumstances.

Financial Planner Consultation:- Engage with a certified financial advisor to create a detailed retirement plan. They can tailor strategies based on your unique situation and goals.

It's essential to periodically review and adjust your plan based on evolving circumstances. Connect with your financial planner for goal-based planning and a detailed explanation tailored to your unique situation.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, i am 37. Investing 15000 in 04 MFs, 37500 total in 02 PPFs and 01 SSY, 20000 in NPS each month. I've 1 daughter and 1 son of 7 yrs and 3 yrs respectively. Is it sufficient for me in future?????
Ans: It's wonderful to see your proactive approach towards securing your family's future. Let's delve into your financial planning:
• Comprehensive Investment Approach: You've adopted a well-rounded investment strategy by diversifying across mutual funds, PPFs, SSY, and NPS. This approach spreads risk and maximizes growth potential.
• Planning for Children's Future: Investing in PPFs, SSY, and NPS for your children's education and future needs is a prudent move. These instruments offer tax benefits and long-term growth potential, ensuring financial security for their milestones.
• Assessing Sufficiency: While your current investment allocation is commendable, it's essential to periodically review and reassess your financial goals and resources. As your children grow and educational expenses increase, you may need to adjust your investment contributions accordingly.
• Long-Term Perspective: With a diversified portfolio and disciplined savings habit, you're on the right track towards achieving your financial objectives. Keep a long-term perspective and stay committed to your investment plan.
• Professional Guidance: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner periodically to review your financial plan, assess progress towards goals, and make necessary adjustments. A CFP can provide personalized advice based on your evolving needs and market conditions.
• Encouragement: Your proactive approach towards financial planning reflects your commitment to securing your family's future. Stay focused on your goals, continue to invest systematically, and remain adaptable to changing circumstances.
• Final Thoughts: By adopting a disciplined and diversified investment strategy, you're laying a solid foundation for your family's financial well-being. Stay consistent with your savings and investment habits, and you'll be well-prepared to meet your future financial needs.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Money
I m investing 15000 per month in mutual fund and 10000 rs per month in PF nd 7000 in LIC ...what amount I will get in future and what extra I need ...??
Ans: Your current investments are well diversified. You invest Rs 15,000 monthly in mutual funds, Rs 10,000 in a provident fund (PF), and Rs 7,000 in LIC policies. Each of these has its benefits and limitations. Understanding these will help you gauge future returns.

Mutual Fund Investments
Investing Rs 15,000 monthly in mutual funds is a smart choice. Mutual funds provide the advantage of professional management. They also offer the potential for high returns. However, mutual funds carry market risk. It's essential to monitor their performance regularly.

Actively managed funds can outperform index funds. They offer the expertise of fund managers who adjust the portfolio to market conditions. This can lead to higher returns.

Mutual funds are best for long-term goals. Over time, compounding can significantly increase your returns. Staying invested for at least five years can help ride out market volatility.

Provident Fund Contributions
Your monthly contribution of Rs 10,000 to the provident fund is a secure investment. The PF offers stable and guaranteed returns. It also provides tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.

PF is ideal for retirement planning. The returns are steady, though lower than some other investment options. The security it provides is invaluable. Over the years, PF can accumulate a significant corpus due to its fixed interest rate and compounding.

LIC Policies
Investing Rs 7,000 monthly in LIC policies is a conservative strategy. LIC policies combine insurance with investment. They offer a safety net for your family in case of your untimely demise.

However, the returns on LIC policies are generally lower. The primary benefit is the insurance cover. For investment purposes, the returns might not be as high as mutual funds or even PF.

Consider evaluating your LIC policies. If they are traditional endowment or money-back policies, the returns are modest. You might want to explore better investment options for higher returns.

Evaluating Your Future Corpus
Mutual Funds
With mutual funds, future returns depend on the market performance. Assuming an average annual return of 12%, your Rs 15,000 monthly investment can grow significantly. Over 20 years, this could accumulate to a sizeable corpus. However, this is an assumption and actual returns can vary.

Provident Fund
Provident funds offer predictable growth. Assuming an average interest rate of 8.5%, your Rs 10,000 monthly investment will grow steadily. Over 20 years, this can also accumulate to a significant amount. The fixed returns and tax benefits make it a reliable option.

LIC Policies
LIC policies usually offer lower returns. Assuming an average return of 6%, your Rs 7,000 monthly investment will grow, but slower compared to mutual funds and PF. The insurance benefit, however, is an added advantage.

Assessing Additional Needs
Based on your current investments, your future corpus will be substantial. But, you need to evaluate your financial goals. Are you saving for retirement, children's education, or buying a house? Each goal requires different strategies.

Insurance and Investment Balance
While LIC provides insurance, consider term insurance for better coverage. Term insurance offers higher coverage at lower premiums. This leaves more funds for high-return investments.

Diversifying Further
Consider diversifying your portfolio further. Adding debt mutual funds can provide stability. Equity mutual funds offer growth. Balancing these can help manage risk and maximize returns.

Review and Rebalance
Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio is crucial. As market conditions change, so should your investment strategy. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can help align your investments with your goals.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem attractive due to lower costs. But, they require constant monitoring and expertise. Regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials offer guidance and advice. This can help you make informed decisions and optimize your returns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds provide flexibility. Fund managers can adapt to market changes. This proactive approach can lead to better returns compared to index funds. They also offer professional management, which is beneficial if you lack the time or expertise to manage your investments.

Building a Robust Financial Plan
Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund. This should cover 6-12 months of expenses. It provides financial security during unforeseen events.

Retirement Planning
Focus on retirement planning. Calculate your retirement corpus based on current expenses and future inflation. Your PF is a good start, but additional investments might be necessary.

Children's Education
If saving for children's education, start early. Education costs are rising. Investing in equity mutual funds can help accumulate the required corpus.

Goal-Based Investing
Align your investments with specific goals. Short-term goals can use debt funds for stability. Long-term goals benefit from equity funds for growth.

Tax Planning
Maximize tax benefits. Investments in PF and certain mutual funds offer tax deductions. Efficient tax planning can increase your net returns.

Final Insights
Your current investment strategy is commendable. It's well-diversified and covers various aspects of financial planning. However, there's always room for improvement. Evaluating your LIC policies and possibly reallocating funds can enhance your returns.

Regular reviews and professional advice are crucial. A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance. This ensures your investments are aligned with your financial goals.

Investing is a journey. Stay informed and flexible. Adjust your strategy as needed to achieve your financial aspirations.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

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Hello sir, I am 36 yrs serving in a PSU. I am having 1.6 lakh PM gross salary. I deposite 1.5 lakh in self PPF, 1.5 LAKH in wife PPF and 1.5 lakh in daughter(7 yrs old) SSY(for which i opened an FD, RD and SIP MF to get 4.5 lakh at 1st week of april to deposite). Also i and my wife having LIC policies of 12 lakh S.A. (jeevan labh) for which i deposite 10500/- pm altogether. I am covered with suffucient amount of compulsary term insurance by office. Also we are covered under compulsary mediclaim by office. In NPS 29k is being deposited monthly as on date(including employers 14%).I have 2 kids(7 yrs daughter and 3 yrs son). Is it sufficient for my future?????
Ans: At 36 years old and serving in a PSU, you have a solid financial foundation. Your monthly gross salary of Rs 1.6 lakh and various investments show your commitment to securing your future. Let's assess your current situation and see if it’s sufficient for your future needs.

Existing Investments
PPF Contributions:

Rs 1.5 lakh in your PPF.
Rs 1.5 lakh in your wife’s PPF.
These provide long-term tax-free returns.
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY):

Rs 1.5 lakh annually for your daughter.
You have planned an FD, RD, and SIP to fund this.
LIC Policies:

Policies with a sum assured of Rs 12 lakh.
Monthly premium of Rs 10,500.
Term Insurance and Mediclaim:

Adequate term insurance from your employer.
Comprehensive health insurance cover for the family.
National Pension System (NPS):

Monthly contribution of Rs 29,000 (including employer’s contribution).
This will help build a substantial corpus for retirement.
Financial Goals and Assessment
Children’s Education:

Ensure you have planned for your children’s higher education.
Costs can be substantial, and early planning helps.
Retirement Planning:

Your NPS contributions are a good start.
Consider additional investments for a comfortable retirement.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses.
Typically, this should cover 6-12 months of expenses.
Recommendations
Review and Adjust Insurance:

Evaluate your LIC policies. They might offer low returns.
Consider investing in mutual funds for higher returns.
Increase Equity Exposure:

SIP in mutual funds offers better long-term returns.
Avoid index funds; opt for actively managed funds for higher growth.
Education Fund for Kids:

Start a dedicated fund for your children’s education.
Equity mutual funds can help grow this corpus.
Regular Financial Review:

Periodically review your financial plan.
Adjust based on life changes and financial goals.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner:

A CFP can provide tailored advice.
They help optimize your investments and ensure you meet your financial goals.
Insight into Insurance Policies
Life Insurance:

Your LIC policies might not be the best investment.
Consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds for better returns.
Term Insurance:

Ensure your term insurance cover is adequate.
This protects your family in case of any unfortunate event.
Benefits of Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP):
A CFP can help balance your portfolio.
They provide insights into better investment options and tax-saving strategies.
Final Insights
Diversify Investments:

Diversify across different asset classes.
Balance between equity, debt, and insurance.
Focus on Long-term Goals:

Plan for your retirement and children’s education.
Regularly review and adjust your financial plan.
Seek Professional Advice:

A Certified Financial Planner can offer a 360-degree solution.
They ensure your investments are aligned with your long-term goals.
Summary
Your current investments are solid.
Review and adjust your insurance policies.
Increase equity exposure for better long-term returns.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6240 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 13, 2024

Latest Questions
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Moneywize   |145 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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I am investing monthly around Rs 18,000 in MFs, as per the following: Canara Robeco Small capMF - Rs 4.5k, PGIM Mid Cap Opportunities - Rs 4.5k, Tata Digital - Rs 4.5k, Quant Active - Rs 4.5k. I am intending to increase monthly investment in MF from present Rs 18k to Rs 40k & needed a corpus of at least 1 cr in next 10 years. Can you check suggest if my portfolio needs any changes or the same appears to be in order?
Ans: To reach a corpus of Rs 1 crore in 10 years, you will need to invest in funds that generate around 10-12 per cent annual returns. Your current portfolio is diversified across small-cap, mid-cap, digital, and active funds, which can work well but also carries some volatility, especially in sectoral and small-cap/mid-cap funds.

Portfolio Review:

• Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund: Good for aggressive growth but highly volatile. Keep it if you're comfortable with higher risk.
• PGIM Mid Cap Opportunities Fund: Another growth-oriented fund with decent potential. It's good to have some exposure to mid-caps.
• Tata Digital Fund: Sectoral funds are risky because they are dependent on the sector's performance. Digital/technology funds can be volatile; consider reducing exposure here.
• Quant Active Fund: A multi-cap approach with flexibility across market caps. This fund provides balance and is good for diversification.

Suggestions:

• Increase Allocation to Large Cap/Index Funds: You may want to balance your portfolio with a large-cap or index fund like UTI Nifty 50 or Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund. Large-cap funds provide stability and reduce overall portfolio volatility.
• Reduce Sector-Specific Exposure: Consider trimming your allocation to Tata Digital Fund, as sectoral funds can face prolonged underperformance during sector downturns. You can reallocate this to a more diversified fund.
• Balanced Fund: Add a balanced or hybrid fund like HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund or ICICI Prudential Balanced Advantage Fund for better risk management while maintaining growth potential.
• Debt Component: To hedge against equity risk, consider adding a small portion to a short-term debt fund or gilt fund, which can provide stability during volatile periods.

Suggested Structure After Increase:

• Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund: Rs 6,000
• PGIM Mid Cap Opportunities Fund: Rs 6,000
• Quant Active Fund: Rs 6,000
• Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund: Rs 6,000
• HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund: Rs 6,000
• ICICI Prudential Multi Asset Fund: Rs 5,000
• UTI Nifty 50 Index Fund: Rs 5,000

This adjusted allocation will maintain growth potential while providing a cushion against volatility.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

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I'm seeking guidance on improving my communication with my daughters. I want to create a more positive and supportive environment at home, especially when discussing their mistakes or weaknesses. Could you please share some strategies on how I can provide positive feedback and encouragement, even when addressing their mistakes? I aim to help them feel comfortable discussing their challenges without fear and to focus on turning negative thoughts into positive ones. Your advice on how to approach this in a friendly and constructive manner would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your support
Ans: It’s really commendable that you're seeking ways to improve communication with your daughters, especially when it comes to handling mistakes or weaknesses. The goal you're aiming for—creating a supportive environment where they feel safe to share their challenges—is a key part of nurturing a healthy and open relationship.

When addressing their mistakes, it’s important to remember that how they interpret your feedback can shape how they see themselves and their ability to handle difficulties. You want them to feel like they’re not being judged or criticized but instead being guided towards growth. One way to start is by focusing on empathy in your conversations. When they make a mistake, it’s natural to want to correct it quickly, but it can be more productive to begin by acknowledging how they might feel. This lets them know that you understand their experience, and that mistakes are part of life and learning. It shifts the focus from the mistake itself to their emotions, which builds trust.

Another aspect is how you frame the conversation. Instead of honing in on what went wrong, it’s helpful to highlight the effort they put in and the process they went through, even if the outcome wasn’t perfect. Letting them know that their effort is noticed and appreciated can boost their confidence. When they feel that their hard work is valued, they’re more likely to discuss their challenges openly, rather than feeling like they failed. If they feel supported during these moments, they will be more inclined to seek your guidance in the future without fearing a negative response.

Listening is another vital tool. When they make a mistake, resist the urge to immediately jump in with advice or corrections. Instead, ask them how they feel about what happened or what they think they could do differently next time. This not only gives them ownership of their problem-solving but also empowers them to reflect and learn from their experiences. Sometimes, when children are given the space to voice their thoughts, they can surprise you with their insights. And even if they don’t have an answer right away, they’ll appreciate being part of the conversation rather than being lectured.

It’s also important to be patient with progress. Instead of expecting a big shift in behavior or attitude overnight, focus on the small steps they take. Recognizing these smaller victories can go a long way in motivating them to keep improving, even when they stumble. They need to see that progress is more important than perfection, and your role is to guide them through the ups and downs without focusing too much on the final result.

Finally, your own approach to challenges and mistakes plays a big role in shaping how they will handle their own. When they see you approach difficulties with a positive mindset—whether it's a work challenge or a personal frustration—they’re learning that setbacks don’t define them. Modeling this kind of attitude will encourage them to talk about their own struggles more openly and with less fear of judgment.

In essence, the goal is to build trust and maintain a positive tone, even when discussing difficult topics. With this approach, your daughters will not only feel comfortable coming to you but will also develop a stronger sense of resilience in facing their own challenges. You’ll find that as they feel more supported, their confidence in addressing their weaknesses will naturally grow.

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Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi
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Hi Kanchan, this query is regarding dealing with our teenage daughter (13 yrs). It is almost difficult to get her to do anything at home. She does not clean her room, take care of her share of chores. She is not dumb, but below average student in class. She used to go to guitar class and once faced stiff competition in her school , she is not participating in music competitions after that . Both me and my wife had been industrious and competitive students. We are ok with her not picking up studies, but what i don't see, is a spark to excel at anything. Her friends have passed French level 1 exams and even though she is learning for last 4 yrs, she doesn't appear for them. Everyday is escalating into huge arguments between her and my wife , with few broken items at home. As I mentioned studies excellence is not a concern, but we are unable to motivate her to put up a fight for the things she wants in life. She would come home from school and watch YT, reels, etc for hrs at stretch. Since we both husband wife are working, it is very difficult to monitor her all the time. We fear that she is already influencing our 9 yr old son , who is a discplined kid otherwise. We feel helpless most of the time, as she is not amending her ways. Please suggest what to do?
Ans: One of the things that might be happening here is that your daughter is at an age where identity and confidence issues often come to the forefront. At 13, she’s navigating a lot—social pressures, changing emotions, and maybe even a fear of not being able to meet the expectations of her parents, peers, or even herself. The fact that she stopped participating in music competitions after facing stiff competition might indicate she’s dealing with fear of failure or rejection. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but more that she may be afraid of not being good enough, and in response, she avoids trying at all.

Instead of pushing her to excel, the first step might be to understand what’s going on emotionally. Teenagers are notorious for shutting down or rebelling when they feel pressure, even if it’s unintentional. Try creating an environment where she feels safe to open up without fear of judgment or comparison to others. Sit down with her and have an open, calm conversation where you genuinely listen to her side. She might not know how to express her frustrations or fears, but giving her the space to talk could help her feel supported instead of criticized.

I understand your concern about her spending hours on YouTube or watching reels. This can be both a form of escapism and a way for her to feel connected to her peers. Rather than banning or limiting screen time strictly, which could create more conflict, try to understand what she’s watching and why she’s so drawn to it. Maybe this can lead to finding a common ground or encouraging her to pursue interests related to what she enjoys online, without the pressure of competition.

It’s also possible she’s feeling the weight of expectations, even if you don’t consciously put them on her. Sometimes just knowing that her parents were high achievers can make her feel like she’s falling short. Helping her feel that it’s okay not to have everything figured out yet might ease some of the pressure.

You’re also right to be concerned about her influence on your younger son. His more disciplined nature may make him vulnerable to picking up some of her habits. But rather than positioning them as opposites, encourage them both to find balance—showing her that discipline and effort don’t have to come with the weight of pressure might help her change her behavior, too.

The arguments with your wife and the escalation at home are clearly a sign that things are reaching a boiling point, but remember that this doesn’t mean she’s unreachable. This is a tough stage, but with patience, empathy, and a bit of flexibility in your approach, it’s possible to guide her without feeling like you’re losing control of the situation.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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HI, I am don't want to disclose name I am facing some mental issue from last two year. In March my father passed I have not good relation with my parent, because their exception are very high which is not possible for me to satisfied. So after my father my mother start daily fight with me for small small thing, my mother has long history of mental issue, and my father did not address that . Now she want to what she did with my father. Due to daily quarrel my daily day to activity got affected. I can’t concentrate on my self. My confidence is loosing. I want to be alone and in peace. I have loving wife and caring son, but still I feel lost. And after covid my office atmosphere also get dirty. My senior keep me irritating without any issue. I know my problem is my mother and second is my office boss. Is there is any way without leaving to them. Otherwise, I am determined to leave both of them and live my life peacefully. Please advice
Ans: First, regarding your mother, it’s crucial to establish boundaries. Her mental health struggles are serious, but they shouldn’t be allowed to overshadow your own well-being. It might be helpful to seek professional support for her, such as counseling or therapy. If she’s unwilling, then finding ways to distance yourself emotionally from her criticism is key. It's not easy, but learning not to absorb her negativity can help protect your mental health. You might also consider speaking to a counselor yourself to help you process these feelings and find strategies for coping with her behavior without having to completely sever ties.

As for your work situation, it sounds like the toxic environment is wearing you down. If leaving isn’t an immediate option, try to find small ways to shield yourself from the negativity. Can you limit your interactions with your senior or find ways to compartmentalize work stress so it doesn’t bleed into your personal life? Sometimes, focusing on things outside of work—hobbies, time with your wife and son—can provide a needed escape.

It sounds like you're craving solitude and peace, and while leaving both your mother and your job might seem like a solution, it may not be the only one. Start with small, manageable changes: establishing firmer boundaries with your mother, finding a counselor to talk to, and protecting your emotional space at work. These steps can help you regain control and give you the peace you're seeking without drastic decisions. Remember, you deserve that peace, and it’s possible to find it with the right support.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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