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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Valigi Question by Valigi on Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money

Sir, my age is 31 years, my salary is 40k per month, am married, wife is a house wife, I have 19 months son. Can you suggest me a financial planning for future to my family and myself please ????

Ans: Understanding Your Current Situation
You're 31 years old, earning Rs 40,000 per month. You have a wife and a 19-month-old son. Your wife is a homemaker.

Setting Financial Goals
Setting clear financial goals helps guide your planning. Here are some common goals you might consider:

Emergency Fund
Aim to save 6-12 months of expenses for emergencies. This provides a safety net for unexpected events.

Child's Education
Start saving early for your son's education. Education costs are rising, so planning ahead is crucial.

Retirement
Plan for your retirement to ensure a comfortable life post-retirement. Start saving early to benefit from compounding.

Building an Emergency Fund
Having an emergency fund is essential. It helps cover unexpected expenses without disrupting your financial plan.

How Much to Save
Calculate your monthly expenses. Aim to save 6-12 months' worth of expenses. This includes rent, groceries, utilities, etc.

Where to Park Emergency Fund
Use a combination of a savings account and liquid funds. Savings accounts offer easy access, while liquid funds provide better returns.

Budgeting and Managing Expenses
Creating a budget helps you track expenses and save more efficiently. Here’s how to do it:

Track Your Expenses
List all your monthly expenses. This includes rent, groceries, utilities, and other recurring costs.

Cut Unnecessary Expenses
Identify areas where you can cut back. Redirect these savings towards your financial goals.

Automate Savings
Set up automatic transfers to your savings and investment accounts. This ensures consistent savings without relying on willpower.

Investing for Your Child's Education
Education costs are rising, so it’s wise to start saving early. Here’s how to approach it:

Start an SIP
Start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in a mutual fund. This helps you save regularly and benefit from compounding.

Choose the Right Fund
Select a fund based on your risk appetite and investment horizon. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice.

Planning for Retirement
It's never too early to start planning for retirement. Here’s how you can ensure a comfortable retirement:

Assess Your Retirement Needs
Estimate your retirement expenses. Consider factors like inflation, healthcare costs, and lifestyle changes.

Start an SIP
Start a SIP in an equity mutual fund. Equities have the potential for higher returns, which can help grow your retirement corpus.

Review Regularly
Review your retirement plan regularly. Adjust your investments based on your goals and market conditions.

Life Insurance and Health Insurance
Insurance is crucial for protecting your family’s financial future. Here’s what you need:

Life Insurance
Get a term insurance plan. This provides financial security to your family in case of your untimely demise.

Health Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance. This covers medical expenses and prevents financial strain during health emergencies.

Building a Diversified Investment Portfolio
Diversification helps manage risk and optimize returns. Here’s how to build a diversified portfolio:

Equity Mutual Funds
Invest in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. They offer higher returns but come with higher risk.

Debt Mutual Funds
Invest in debt mutual funds for stability and regular income. They are less risky compared to equity funds.

Balanced Funds
Balanced funds invest in both equity and debt. They offer a balance between risk and return.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
It’s important to avoid common mistakes to ensure your financial plan stays on track. Here are some tips:

Avoid Over-Diversification
While diversification is good, over-diversification can dilute returns. Choose a few good funds and stick with them.

Avoid Timing the Market
Timing the market is risky and often leads to losses. Invest regularly and stay invested for the long term.

Review and Rebalance
Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance if necessary to align with your financial goals and risk appetite.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer several advantages over passive funds like index funds. Here’s why you should consider them:

Professional Management
Actively managed funds are managed by professionals. They make investment decisions based on market conditions.

Potential for Higher Returns
These funds aim to outperform the market. They have the potential to provide higher returns compared to index funds.

Flexibility
Actively managed funds can adapt to market changes quickly. This flexibility helps in capturing growth opportunities.

Regular vs Direct Funds
Investing through a regular plan with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers benefits over direct plans. Here’s why:

Personalized Advice
CFPs provide personalized advice based on your financial goals. They help you make informed investment decisions.

Ongoing Support
CFPs offer ongoing support and guidance. They help you stay on track with your financial plan.

Better Returns
Regular plans may have slightly higher costs, but the professional advice can lead to better returns in the long run.

Tax Planning and Benefits
Tax planning is an essential part of financial planning. Here’s how you can optimize your taxes:

Tax-Saving Investments
Invest in tax-saving instruments like ELSS funds. These investments help you save taxes and grow your wealth.

Plan for Tax Efficiency
Choose investments that offer tax efficiency. This maximizes your returns and minimizes your tax liability.

Consult a CFP
A CFP can help you with tax planning. They provide personalized advice based on your financial situation.

Reviewing and Adjusting Your Financial Plan
Regular review and adjustment of your financial plan are crucial. Here’s how to do it:

Annual Review
Review your financial plan annually. Adjust for any changes in your financial situation or goals.

Rebalancing
Rebalance your portfolio if necessary. This ensures your investments align with your financial goals and risk appetite.

Stay Informed
Stay informed about market trends and changes in financial regulations. This helps you make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Financial planning is a continuous process. It requires regular review and adjustment to stay on track. Start by setting clear financial goals and building an emergency fund. Create a budget, track expenses, and invest in mutual funds for long-term growth.

Insurance is crucial for protecting your family’s financial future. Diversify your investments and avoid common mistakes. Consider actively managed funds for higher returns and consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Remember, the key is to stay disciplined and consistent in your savings and investment efforts. This ensures you have a robust financial plan for a secure future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 07, 2024Hindi
Money
hello sir, I am 53 yrs,working in private sector soon to be redundant,(in a year)I have my own house in a appartment my savings are 50 L in FD,s 30 L in Mutual fund ,10L in equity shares.LIC of 10L .3L in as emergency fund,my liabilities are children's education (son in class 10 daughter in class 8. no health insurance(presently company provided)spouse is a housewife please advise me for financial planning including for retirement planning.
Ans: Comprehensive Financial Plan for Redundancy and Retirement
Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You are 53 years old, working in the private sector, and facing redundancy in a year. You own a house in an apartment and have Rs 50 lakh in fixed deposits, Rs 30 lakh in mutual funds, Rs 10 lakh in equity shares, and Rs 10 lakh in LIC. Additionally, you have Rs 3 lakh as an emergency fund. Your spouse is a housewife, and you have two children in school. You currently lack personal health insurance, relying on company-provided coverage.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Immediate Goals
Redundancy Preparation: Ensure a smooth financial transition after redundancy.
Health Insurance: Secure comprehensive health insurance for your family.
Short-term Goals
Children's Education: Allocate funds for your children's ongoing and future education needs.
Emergency Fund: Strengthen your emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses.
Long-term Goals
Retirement Planning: Create a sustainable retirement plan to maintain your lifestyle.
Wealth Preservation and Growth: Ensure your investments continue to grow while preserving capital.
Analyzing Your Current Assets
Fixed Deposits
You have Rs 50 lakh in fixed deposits. While FDs offer safety, their returns may not beat inflation in the long term. Consider rebalancing a portion for higher returns.

Mutual Funds
Your mutual fund portfolio is Rs 30 lakh. Mutual funds are good for long-term growth due to their compounding benefits. Review the performance and diversify if necessary.

Equity Shares
Your equity shares amount to Rs 10 lakh. Equities can provide high returns but come with higher risks. Balance them with safer investments to reduce risk.

LIC Policy
You have an LIC policy with a maturity amount of Rs 10 lakh. Review the policy benefits and consider if it meets your insurance needs.

Emergency Fund
Your emergency fund stands at Rs 3 lakh. Aim to increase this to cover at least 6-12 months of expenses for financial security.

Securing Health Insurance
Comprehensive Health Coverage
With redundancy approaching, securing health insurance is crucial. Opt for a comprehensive family floater plan with a high sum insured to cover medical emergencies.

Preparing for Redundancy
Income Replacement Strategies
Exploring New Opportunities: Start exploring new job opportunities or freelance work to replace your income.
Utilizing Skills and Experience: Leverage your experience for consulting or part-time roles in your industry.
Managing Children's Education Expenses
Creating an Education Fund
Education SIPs: Start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in child-specific mutual funds to grow a dedicated education fund.
PPF and Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: Consider PPF for your son's education and Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana for your daughter, offering tax benefits and secure returns.
Strengthening Your Emergency Fund
Building a Robust Safety Net
Increase your emergency fund to cover at least 6-12 months of living expenses. Use liquid mutual funds or high-yield savings accounts for easy access.

Retirement Planning
Calculating Retirement Corpus
Estimate your post-retirement expenses considering inflation and lifestyle needs. Use retirement calculators to determine the required corpus. For example, if you need Rs 50,000 per month today, with 6% inflation, you’ll need a higher amount in 10 years.

Diversifying Investments
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a portion of your savings to equity mutual funds for higher growth potential.
Debt Mutual Funds: Invest in debt funds for stable returns and reduced risk.
Hybrid Funds: Combine equity and debt for balanced growth.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan
Creating a Withdrawal Strategy
Plan a systematic withdrawal strategy from your investments to ensure regular income post-retirement. Consider the 4% rule for sustainable withdrawals.

Tax-efficient Investments
Maximizing Tax Benefits
ELSS Funds: Invest in Equity Linked Savings Scheme for tax-saving benefits under Section 80C.
NPS Contributions: Consider the National Pension System for additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD.
Reviewing and Adjusting Insurance Coverage
Adequate Life Insurance
Ensure your life insurance cover is sufficient to meet your family’s needs in your absence. Term insurance offers high coverage at low premiums. Review your existing LIC policy and consider additional term insurance if necessary.

Diversified Investment Portfolio
Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly monitor your investment portfolio and rebalance to align with your financial goals. Adjust asset allocation based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Engage a Certified Financial Planner to create a detailed, personalized financial plan. A CFP provides professional insights and strategies tailored to your financial situation and goals.

Final Insights
Securing your financial future involves strategic planning and disciplined investing. Address immediate needs, such as health insurance and redundancy preparation, while building a robust retirement corpus. Regularly review and adjust your investments for optimal growth and risk management. With careful planning, you can achieve financial security and peace of mind.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 20, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir, I am 53 years old. Have 5 years of service remaining. I have 1.5 Crores in FD, I can save 16 lakhs per year for another 5 years. I have two houses - one I am staying & another given on rent - getting 13000 per month rent. No outstanding loans. I can get 2 Crores on retirement from PF & gratuity. I have a son working. Our monthly expenses are 80000. My son will get married in another 3 years. My son can save 30000 per month. Please give me directions for my financial planning.
Ans: Current Financial Situation
You are in a solid financial position. You have five years of service remaining. You possess Rs 1.5 crores in fixed deposits. You can save Rs 16 lakhs per year for the next five years. You own two houses, one of which generates Rs 13,000 per month in rent. You have no outstanding loans. Upon retirement, you expect Rs 2 crores from PF and gratuity. Your monthly expenses are Rs 80,000. Your son, who is working, will get married in three years and can save Rs 30,000 per month.

Investment Strategy
Diversifying Fixed Deposits
Debt Funds

Consider moving a portion of your fixed deposits into debt funds. These funds offer higher returns than fixed deposits while maintaining relative safety. Diversify into corporate bond funds and short duration funds to balance risk and returns.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs)

Monthly Income Plans can be an excellent alternative. They invest in a mix of debt and equity, providing regular income. This can help you generate steady returns while preserving capital.

Planning for Retirement
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Investing Rs 16 lakhs annually through SIPs in diversified mutual funds can build a robust corpus. This strategy provides the benefit of rupee cost averaging, reducing market volatility risk over time.

Retirement Corpus Management
Upon retirement, your Rs 2 crores from PF and gratuity should be managed wisely. Consider allocating this corpus into a mix of debt and balanced funds to generate a regular income stream while ensuring capital protection.

Ensuring Monthly Expenses and Future Needs
Rental Income Utilization
Utilize your rental income of Rs 13,000 per month to supplement your monthly expenses. This reduces the strain on your investment portfolio.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least 12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and can be parked in liquid funds for safety and liquidity.

Planning for Son’s Marriage
Dedicated Marriage Fund
Start a dedicated fund for your son’s marriage. Investing in a balanced mutual fund or a conservative hybrid fund can be a suitable choice. This ensures the required amount is available in three years.

Your Son’s Financial Planning
SIP for Savings
Your son should continue saving Rs 30,000 per month. Investing this amount through SIPs in equity mutual funds can help build a significant corpus over time. This can be beneficial for his future goals, including marriage expenses.

Tax Efficiency
Tax-Saving Instruments
Consider investing in tax-saving instruments like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) to reduce your tax liability. This can also provide the added benefit of capital growth.

HRA and Other Deductions
Ensure you are maximizing all available tax deductions, including HRA, 80C, and 80D, to optimize your tax efficiency.

Final Insights
Your financial situation is strong, with a good mix of assets and income streams. Diversifying your fixed deposits into debt funds and MIPs can enhance returns while maintaining safety. Investing systematically through SIPs will build a substantial corpus for retirement. Managing your retirement corpus wisely will ensure a steady income post-retirement. Utilize rental income and maintain an emergency fund for added security. Plan for your son’s marriage with a dedicated fund, and encourage his systematic savings. Ensure tax efficiency through appropriate instruments and deductions. With these strategies, you can achieve financial stability and security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

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Money
I have 41yrs old and earning 1.8 lacs per month,, married 14years ago two kids one daughter Nd son,I have home loan,own flat and bought one flat by paid cash flat worth 75lac and another plot 30lacs have 5lacs health insurance,2cr term insurance How do I plan my financial plan please suggest me
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Age: 41 years
Monthly Income: Rs 1.8 lakhs
Family: Married with two children
Assets:
Own flat (home loan)
Flat worth Rs 75 lakhs (paid cash)
Plot worth Rs 30 lakhs
Insurance:
Health Insurance: Rs 5 lakhs
Term Insurance: Rs 2 crores
Appreciating Your Efforts
You have made good progress with property investments and securing your family's future with health and term insurance.

Financial Goals
Children’s Education and Marriage
Retirement Planning
Loan Repayment
Emergency Fund
Investment Strategy
Children's Education and Marriage
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Start SIPs in diversified mutual funds.
Allocate specific SIPs for education and marriage goals.
Recurring Deposits:

Open RDs for medium-term goals.
Ensure liquidity for urgent needs.
Retirement Planning
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Maximize annual contribution to PPF for tax benefits and long-term savings.
National Pension System (NPS):

Invest in NPS for an additional retirement corpus and tax benefits.
Mutual Funds:

Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds.
Consider balanced advantage funds for stability and growth.
Loan Repayment
Home Loan:
Prioritize paying off the home loan.
Increase EMI payments if possible to reduce tenure and interest.
Emergency Fund
Maintain Liquidity:
Keep at least 6 months of expenses in a savings account or liquid fund.
Asset Allocation
Equity:

Invest 60% in diversified mutual funds.
Allocate towards large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Debt:

Invest 30% in PPF, NPS, and debt mutual funds.
Ensure stable returns with minimal risk.
Gold and Bonds:

Allocate 10% to gold bonds and other safe instruments.
Hedge against inflation and market volatility.
Insurance Review
Health Insurance:

Consider increasing coverage for comprehensive protection.
Include family members under the same plan.
Term Insurance:

Ensure the term insurance amount is adequate.
Review periodically to match with life stage changes.
Financial Discipline
Budgeting:

Track monthly expenses diligently.
Cut down on unnecessary expenditures.
Regular Review:

Review portfolio quarterly.
Rebalance based on performance and goals.
Final Insights
You are on a solid financial footing. Prioritize children’s future, retirement, and loan repayment. Ensure a balanced portfolio for growth and stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir, I earn Rs 20000/- PM. 30 years, unmarried, with no burden, and owning a house. Only son. I have invested almost all the money I have earned in savings like PPF & SIP for the last seven years. Kindly advise me on future financial planning as I am getting married soon.
Ans: Your current financial situation is stable and disciplined. At 30 years old, you earn Rs. 20,000 per month, and you have been consistently saving and investing for the past seven years. Your focus on long-term savings instruments like PPF and SIPs shows good financial discipline. You also own a house, which provides you with a strong asset base.

As you approach marriage, it’s important to revisit your financial plan to accommodate future responsibilities and goals.

Future Financial Planning
1. Budgeting for Your New Phase of Life

Marriage brings additional financial responsibilities. You will need to manage household expenses, savings, and possibly future children's education.

Review Current Expenses: Understand your current spending patterns and identify areas where you can save more.

Plan for Household Expenses: Create a budget that includes shared expenses, such as groceries, utilities, and rent/mortgage (if applicable).

Set Aside Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be kept in a liquid, easily accessible account.

Discuss Finances with Your Partner: Have open discussions with your future spouse about financial goals, budgeting, and spending habits. This will help in setting common goals and avoiding financial stress.

2. Re-evaluating Your Investment Strategy

Your investment strategy should align with your new life stage and goals.

Diversify Your Investments: While you have invested in PPF and SIPs, consider diversifying into other asset classes, such as debt funds or gold ETFs, to balance risk and returns.

Review SIPs: Assess your existing SIPs to ensure they align with your long-term goals. Consider increasing your SIP contributions if possible.

Avoid Over-Concentration in One Asset Class: It's good to have a mix of investments. Too much concentration in one asset class can expose you to higher risks.

3. Insurance Planning

With marriage, your responsibilities increase, and so should your insurance coverage.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for both you and your spouse. This will protect you from unexpected medical expenses.

Life Insurance: Consider getting a term life insurance policy to secure your family’s financial future in case of any unforeseen events. The coverage should be at least 10-15 times your annual income.

Evaluate Existing Policies: If you already have insurance policies, review them to ensure they provide adequate coverage for your new responsibilities.

4. Planning for Future Goals

Your financial goals may include buying a car, planning for children’s education, or saving for retirement.

Set Short-Term and Long-Term Goals: Define your goals clearly and prioritize them. For example, if buying a car is a priority, allocate funds accordingly.

Children’s Education: Start planning early for children’s education by investing in child-specific mutual funds or education plans. This will help you build a corpus over time.

Retirement Planning: Even though retirement may seem far away, it’s important to start early. Continue contributing to your PPF and consider adding more retirement-focused investments like EPF or NPS.

5. Tax Planning

Maximize your tax savings by making use of available exemptions and deductions.

Section 80C Deductions: Continue investing in PPF, ELSS, and other tax-saving instruments under Section 80C. These investments not only save tax but also build wealth over time.

Health Insurance Deduction: Premiums paid for health insurance can be claimed under Section 80D.

Home Loan Interest: If you have taken a home loan, the interest paid can be claimed under Section 24(b) for tax deductions.

6. Estate Planning

Estate planning ensures that your assets are distributed according to your wishes.

Create a Will: Draft a will to ensure your assets are passed on to your loved ones as per your wishes. This will prevent any legal disputes in the future.

Nominate Beneficiaries: Ensure that all your investments, bank accounts, and insurance policies have nominated beneficiaries. This makes it easier for your family to access these assets.

7. Contingency Planning

Plan for unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.

Increase Emergency Fund: As your responsibilities grow, consider increasing your emergency fund to cover 12 months of expenses.

Invest in Liquid Assets: Keep some of your investments in liquid assets that can be quickly accessed during emergencies.

Final Insights
You are entering an exciting new phase of life, and your disciplined approach to savings and investment will serve you well. As you prepare for marriage, it’s important to reassess your financial strategy to ensure it aligns with your new responsibilities and goals.

Balancing between enjoying life and planning for the future is key. Continue your habit of regular savings and disciplined investing, and make sure to review and adjust your plan as your life evolves.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 08, 2024

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3959 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 08, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello Sir, My Salary is in range of 30k-35k per month. I work as Counselor for study abroad consultancy. My job profile includes counselling, content editing, grooming students for visa and other related paper work. As the job is close to my house, I really don't want to change my job. However with increasing inflation now there is a need to earn more money. Should I stick to counseling current job or should I look for remote job in content editing. I need to earn more money. Also if I do part time jobs will it be okay? Kindly advice
Ans: To manage finances while working, consider the following strategies. Stay in your current job and focus on improving skills for a higher salary. Talk about getting a raise by showcasing how you've helped students succeed and boosted the consultancy's reputation. Enhance your value by acquiring certifications in areas like international education consultancy, digital marketing, or advanced content editing. Consider remote counselling or mentoring opportunities. Set work-life boundaries to avoid burnout and maintain financial discipline. Consider freelancing or local counselling groups for part-time opportunities. Level up your skills to increase earning potential in your current consultancy. Also, fine-tune your LinkedIn Profile with Job Alerts for ABROAD EDUCATION COUNSELLOR Jobs. If affordable, go for one on one counselling/coaching with any reputed Career Coach having specialised knowledge in Job Search Strategies such as Vikram Anand or Sakshi Chandrasekar who can help you in searching for better job options & in fine-tuning your LinkedIn Profile.
All the Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.
Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Hi i am 43 yrs old, working in a multination firm. Married with a kid who is 7. My relationship with my wife is not going good for some time now, the communication is only transactional. I dont know if she is seeing someone or not, but we feel detached from each other. Now i have developed some feelings at my work with a 24 yr old women, also she seems to be interested in me. But she is also trying to get back to her BF who is studying overseas. I am a bit lost here cause i am toyaly confused on wat to do?
Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

Your child is also a significant factor to consider. Decisions about your personal relationships inevitably affect your family dynamics, and it’s worth reflecting on what stability and clarity mean for them at this stage in their life.

Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.

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