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Transitioning Back to India: Financial Advice for a Young Family (₹4 Cr Savings, Inherited Property!)

Janak

Janak Patel  |15 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 10, 2025

Janak Patel is a certified financial planner accredited by the Financial Planning Standards Board, India.
He is the CEO and founder of InfiniumWealth, a firm that specialises in designing goal-specific financial plans tailored to help clients achieve their life goals.
Janak holds an MBA degree in finance from the Welingkar Institute of Management Development and Research, Mumbai, and has over 15 years of experience in the field of personal finance. ... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2025Hindi
Money

Advice Needed: Transitioning Back to India & Financial Planning Hello, I’m currently in the process of transitioning back to India after spending the last 15 years abroad. My family includes my wife (early 30s) and our 1-year-old baby. We are staying with my parents for now but are planning to move into a larger, more comfortable residence, either by buying or renting. I’d love to hear some perspectives on my financial situation, as I’m trying to figure out the best course of action in this new chapter. Here’s a quick summary of where I stand: 1. Cash Savings: We’re consolidating assets from both India and abroad, and will have about ₹4 crore in liquid funds. 2. Retirement Savings: I have a PPF-equivalent account of around ₹70 lakhs, which I can only access at age 65. I’m hoping the modest returns from this will be sufficient for my retirement. 3. Inherited Assets: I’ve inherited ancestral properties valued around ₹30 crore. I’m not planning to liquidate these assets or touch them for at least the next 10 years. 4. Career: I work in IT and expect a salary of about ₹1.3 lakh per month (after tax) in India. My wife is in the early stages of her career, so we’re still deciding whether she will work here or possibly start her own small business. Given all of this, here’s where I’m at: * Investment options: I’m considering investing the ₹4 crore in commercial real estate to generate passive income. I’ve seen a couple of properties with rental guarantees of ₹1.5 lakh per month, with a 5% annual increase. * Housing preference: My family prefers to live in a gated community, so I’m not really inclined to invest in residential property for passive income. * Housing decision: Should I buy an apartment or villa now, betting on my career certainty here, or focus on creating more financial freedom first before making career moves in India? In my heart, I feel that achieving financial independence should be my first priority before diving into career opportunities or starting a business here. What would you do in my situation? I'd love to hear your thoughts or any advice you can offer!

Ans: Hi,

Welcome back to India and Congratulations on taking this big decision to move back to India.

Before I start my response to your queries, just want you to know we share a couple of things in common. I was abroad for a considerable time and returned back to India and I was also in the IT field at that time, before I moved ship to Personal Finance and Financial Planning. So I can relate to some of your concerns, queries and thought process in that regard.

This may be a bit long but hopefully its helpful.
Your current Financial summary -
Cash/Liquid funds - INR 4 Crores
PPF equivalent - INR 70 Lakhs available at age 65
Inherited properties - valued at INR 30 crores no plan to liquidate as of now
Salary/Income - INR 1.3 lakhs per month in hand

As a few critical data points are not mentioned but with few indicators in queries, I will make some assumptions for the same - Age 37 years, Location for housing/work - Metro/2nd tier city.

Lets get a couple of things kept aside for this discussion -
PPF equivalent - INR 70 lakhs > for retirement can grow to an amount between INR 2 Crores (@4% returns) to INR 4.5 Crores (@7% returns), will cover this again when I mention Retirement below.
Inherited Properties - as there is no plan for liquidation, excluding this completely.

Decisions to be made -
1. Investment Options
2. Housing Buy/Rent
3. Financial freedom/independence

Lets go through each of these and I will add more for your consideration as they will have a weightage on all future decisions.

1. Investment Options
A> Commercial real estate with investment on INR 4 Crores and return of INR 1.5 lakhs per month
Pros -
Regular month income
Commercial Real Estate asset

Cons -
Return on Investment is 4.5% before reducing charges for maintenance, may be below 4% net in hand
Rental Income is taxable (added to other incomes and taxed as per slab rate) expect highest tax rate of 30% as total income will exceed INR 30 lakhs (Salary + rent)
All available funds will be deployed

Note - Commercial real estate appreciation is primarily based on location. Capital gains on Commercial real estate attract tax at 20% as of now.

B> Lets consider an alternative approach assuming investment is for a long term which is usually for real estate assets e.g. 20 years
Invest INR 4 Crores in Mutual funds.
A well diversified portfolio can generate 12% returns over the long term. The Corpus after 20 years will be over INR 38 Crores.

But considering your requirement for a monthly income from this investment, lets do another approach. Split your Investment.
Invest INR 2 Crores in a well diversified Mutual Funds portfolio expecting a 12% return - Corpus at the end of 20 years = INR 19+ crores
For regular income, Invest INR 2 Crores in Balanced Advantage mutual funds and considering a modest return of 10% (last 10 years data will show higher returns). Keep investment for 1 year before withdrawing to attract Long term Capital Gains tax (tax efficient approach). After 1 year you can receive INR 1.5 lakhs per month (increasing at 5% annually) for the next 20 years.

Pros -
Investment generates higher rate of return, Corpus growing/compounding at 12% return
Regular month income
Investment returns are more tax efficient
Flexibility to deploy all or partial funds towards building a corpus
Corpus can be liquidated in future much faster and easily than Real estate

Cons -
No real estate asset

Recommendation - Approach B is recommended as this will provide liquidity and appreciation towards wealth creation. This will also provide availability of funds for a new venture as and when required if that becomes a viable option in the future.

2. Housing Buy/Rent
If you plan to stay in India for long and settle down (not clearly indicated considering career options), you can consider buying a house property. But if the work location is not what you believe to be the place where you would like to settle down, then start with a Rental option and over time reconsider location for buying option.

Buying Property
Pros -
Asset is generated
Stability of residence if/when self occupied
Some amount of tax deductions/exemptions can be claimed if Loan is taken

Cons -
A large amount of funds required/blocked for full payment / partial payment (with loan)
EMI on Loan reduces income/funds in hand
EMI is much higher than rent
Locked to the property, change will be expensive

Renting Property
Pros -
Capital is not deployed immediately
Rent can be claimed for tax benefits
Provide opportunity to consider long term housing decision
Difference between EMI and Rent can be Invested to generate a good corpus
Flexibility to move jobs across locations

Cons
No Asset is generated
Rent is an expense
No sense of ownership in the house you stay

So in summary, the decision is more individual and how you perceive the house property as an asset. For flexibility to settle down in your career in India I can recommend to start with a Rental option and I am sure in a few years you will know where and what to buy (if at all) towards your house property. Also Location is again critical towards budget and type of housing to consider.

3. Financial freedom/independence
This is probably more important than we realize. With time if we accumulate debt through loans, and expenses, this is one goal which takes a back seat.
Assuming you have worked on the above 2 goals and finalized your options/approach for them, I would strongly recommend you plan your monthly expenses and cash in/outflows to understand what amount you have in hand that can be considered towards savings for the future.
With a long road ahead in your work life (another 20+ years), Asset allocation needs to be considered when planning to deploy your savings. Equity based investment can provide health returns for investments that are for more than 7 years and a well diversified Mutual Fund portfolio can achieve this. For requirements within 5-7 years do consider debt products to park your money and earn modest returns giving priority to liquidity and safety.

Few very important points are not mentioned but I would like to highlight and you should start considering them immediately.

1. Life Insurance - Buy a Term Life plan for yourself and once your wife starts earning, for her too. The amount needs to be calculated and my final recommendation (last para below) will cover this. Start with INR 50 lakhs and keep adding based on the Financial plan.

2. Health Insurance - Buy a good coverage for Family (even though you may have some with your employer). Recommend to go upto 1 Crore (and there are multiple options Base cover + Top-up covers for this).

3. Emergency Funds - Keep aside at least 6-9 months of expenses as emergency funds in a safe and liquid investment e.g. Fixed Deposits.

4. Your child's education - Within another 1.5 years schooling (pre-primary) will start and the education expenses are not as easily managed now. They will require a plan as they escalate very quickly as the child moves towards higher levels of education. Education inflation is in the range of 12% ~ 15% on average. So depending on what your decide for the school/education institute, this becomes a considerable amount and if unplanned may erode your corpus very quickly.

5. Though you have mentioned Retirement briefly, the PPF-equivalent amount will not be sufficient for retirement. Retirement typically at 60 years of age demands a corpus to cover the next 20-25 years of lifespan. Considering inflation may be just getting covered by the modest returns on your INR 70 lakhs fund, you are definitely short on the retirement side.

As you can see we have not considered the inherited property in this discussion, it can have a considerable impact towards your over financial plan.

Though I have provided some responses to your individual queries, this will still need a more comprehensive Financial Planning.
Hence I strongly recommend you approach a Certified Financial Planner and go through the process to arrive at a Financial plan which will be in sync with your Life plan. A CFP will take into account all aspects of your personal preferences and guide you towards various options and alternatives you can consider. The comprehensive Financial plan will include/cover all aspects of Investment management, Risk management (life and health Insurance), Retirement planning and Tax management - a tax efficient approach towards your requirements. Please remember just as Life is ever changing and evolving for each of us, so will your Financial plan require the changes and evolution to stay relevant for you, and this is where a CFP will add the most value when you have a long association. A CFP will plan and re-plan your goals and its requirements over the years and provide options and recommend the amounts and product categories to consider for each of them.

Best wishes for you to settle down and hope the above has provided a start towards it.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Dear Sir, I am a NRI (46 years) just return and settling in India, so far my finance portfolio is cash in hand 3.5CR and asset of 4cr on land and agriculture which i know intention to sell as of now and i too start build house as to get passive income from our saving apart above, now my problem is currently we (my kids 10standard and 7 standard my wife) staying rental appartments and i have issue as i intent buy apartment and remaining put in FD but my wife refusing and makes so much decision with other people opnion to put all 3.5cr on land on industrial area...and the thing is i am so confused as she dont know anything last 20 years but once we in india all kind of thoughts she have and i cant able to make right decision and for info i am almost semi retire due to my health issue and i dont any insurance coverage , so please give guide line to follow
Ans: Hello,
As per your description of your assets, you have 3.5 + 4 = 7.5crs total
For living you can buy a house upto 3-3.5crs inclusive of taxes and interiors ( this will net of taxes paid for the property sold previously )
The remaining amount which is 4crs , you can park that in a balanced portfolio of mutual funds to get SWP of Rs.2L per month which is 6%. What this will do is take care of your day to day expenses and also give an appreciation of your portfolio to beat inflation VS FD which will give you 6% but no capital appreciation.
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Emergency fund - 20L in a short term debt fund or FD
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Mid cap - 15%
Large and mid cap - 20%
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Consumption fund - 10%
Equity hybrid / BAF - 10%
As per choice - 10%

Do spend some money for medical insurance no matter how expensive with a good medical insurance company after consulting an advisor.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2024Hindi
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I am 43 years old, have 13 yrs son in 9th std, 8yrs daughter in 3rd std. Both in India. Currently i am NRI monthly 5lacs salary. But soon coming back to india my salary will be 2.3lac per month. I have 1plot size 30x40 in bangalore. Around 5acres of active agricultural in native tier 3 city. I have epf balance 30lacs(not performing last 2.5yrs) . Current bank balance is 10lacs. Have sukanya samruthi for my daughter 10k per month (around 4lacs in account) Around 500gm gold jewel, wife(home maker, not nri) having 250gm gold, 1.5acre agri land in her name purchased by me with good potential for real estate. Invested in stock market 1lac recently in my wife's name. No debt now. Planning construct home 1cr(will get rent 40k per month) in 1year in bangalore, planning to buy car 15lacs less than 2years. Own home in village. Holding 1cr term insurance. My current family expense 1lac per month(including school fees, petrol etc.)Kindly advice me for kids education marriage and my retirement corpus. Currently having 2nd old santro for my personal travel in India.
Ans: Thank you for sharing the details of your financial situation. I understand your goals and concerns, and I appreciate the effort you’ve put into securing your family’s future. Let's analyze your financial position and provide a comprehensive plan for your children's education, their marriage, and your retirement.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Current Income and Assets
Monthly NRI Salary: Rs 5 lakhs
Upcoming Indian Salary: Rs 2.3 lakhs per month
Plot in Bangalore: 30x40
Active Agricultural Land: 5 acres
EPF Balance: Rs 30 lakhs
Bank Balance: Rs 10 lakhs
Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: Rs 10,000 per month (Rs 4 lakhs in account)
Gold Jewelry: 750 grams (500 gm yours, 250 gm wife’s)
Agricultural Land (Wife’s name): 1.5 acres
Recent Stock Investment: Rs 1 lakh (wife’s name)
Current Family Expenses: Rs 1 lakh per month
Term Insurance: Rs 1 crore
Plan to Construct Home: Rs 1 crore (rent: Rs 40,000 per month)
Plan to Buy Car: Rs 15 lakhs (in less than 2 years)
Own Home in Village
Current Car: Old Santro
Financial Goals
Children’s education
Children’s marriage
Retirement corpus
Construct home and generate rental income
Purchase a car
Evaluating Your Assets
EPF Balance
Your EPF balance of Rs 30 lakhs is substantial but hasn’t been performing well. It’s crucial to reassess this investment and consider moving a portion to other instruments that may offer better returns.

Agricultural Land and Plot
Agricultural land and the plot in Bangalore are valuable assets. The agricultural land in your wife’s name has real estate potential, which can be considered for future use or sale.

Gold
Gold is a secure investment and can be used as a safety net in times of need. It’s good to have a portion of your assets in gold.

Stock Market Investment
Investing in stocks can yield high returns, but it’s also risky. Ensure you’re diversifying adequately to manage risk.

Planning for Children’s Education and Marriage
Education
Estimate Future Costs: Education costs are rising. Estimate the future costs for both your children’s education. Consider inflation and choose investments accordingly.

Investment Vehicles: SIPs in mutual funds are an effective way to build an education corpus. Diversify between equity and debt funds for balanced growth and safety.

Marriage
Estimate Marriage Expenses: Determine a realistic amount for marriage expenses considering current trends and inflation.

Long-Term Investments: For long-term goals like marriage, consider investing in PPF, Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (for your daughter), and balanced mutual funds.

Retirement Planning
Retirement Corpus
Calculate Corpus Needed: Estimate the amount you’ll need to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement. Consider inflation and life expectancy.

Diversified Portfolio: A mix of mutual funds, fixed deposits, and pension schemes can help create a robust retirement corpus.

Monthly Contributions
Systematic Investments: Allocate a portion of your salary towards SIPs in mutual funds. Diversify between equity, debt, and hybrid funds for balanced growth and safety.

EPF and PPF: Continue contributing to EPF and PPF. They offer tax benefits and relatively secure returns.

Construction of Home and Rental Income
Construction Plan
Budget Management: Ensure the construction cost of Rs 1 crore is within your budget. Consider taking a home loan if necessary but ensure it’s manageable within your salary.

Rental Income: The expected rental income of Rs 40,000 per month will help supplement your monthly income. This can be allocated towards your children’s education or marriage fund.

Tax Benefits
Home Loan Interest: Utilize tax benefits on home loan interest under Section 24(b) of the Income Tax Act.

Principal Repayment: Avail of tax deductions on the principal repayment under Section 80C.

Buying a Car
Budget Allocation
Down Payment and Loan: Decide on the down payment and the amount to be financed through a loan. Ensure the EMI is affordable within your post-return salary.

Savings Plan: Start a dedicated savings plan for the car purchase to avoid large financial strain at the time of purchase.

Maintaining Emergency Fund
Emergency Fund
Allocate Funds: Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. This ensures financial stability in case of unforeseen circumstances.

Liquid Investments: Keep the emergency fund in liquid investments like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds for easy access.

Risk Management
Insurance
Health Insurance: Ensure adequate health insurance coverage for your entire family. Consider enhancing your current health insurance plan given the rising medical costs.

Term Insurance: Your Rs 1 crore term insurance is good. Reassess the coverage to ensure it meets your family’s needs.

Diversification
Diversified Portfolio: Diversify your investments across various asset classes to reduce risk and improve returns.

Regular Review: Regularly review your investment portfolio and rebalance it to align with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Creating a Financial Plan
Setting Clear Goals
Specific Goals: Define specific financial goals for your children’s education, their marriage, and your retirement.

Timeframes: Set realistic timeframes for each goal to help in planning and tracking progress.

Monthly Budget
Income Allocation: Allocate your income towards various expenses, savings, and investments. Ensure you’re saving and investing a significant portion of your income.

Expense Tracking: Track your expenses to ensure you stay within your budget and can allocate more towards savings and investments.

Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner (CFP): Consult a CFP to help create a detailed financial plan tailored to your needs and goals.

Regular Monitoring: Regularly monitor and review your financial plan with your CFP to make necessary adjustments based on changing circumstances.

Final Insights
You have a solid foundation with various assets and a good income. By strategically planning your investments and expenses, you can comfortably achieve your financial goals. Focus on diversifying your investments, maintaining an emergency fund, and seeking professional advice. This will ensure your children’s education and marriage are well-funded, and you can enjoy a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello, Sir. I am a 41-year-old male with a 9-year-old son and a housewife. I need advise on how to undertake financial planning because I want to retire early, perhaps at age 48-50. I am currently outside of India and have 2.5 crore in NRE FDs, roughly 60 lakhs in Mutual Funds, 8 lakhs in share market, and 7 lakhs in PF. I have floater health insurance for 15 lakhs. Some LIC's for roughly 5 lakhs. I have one rented flat that pays 12,000 per month in Kolkata and an ancestor property that pays 20,000 pm. In the next 3-6 months, I plan to buy a 1/1.2 crore flat in Bangalore/Pune and return to India permanently in the next 1-2 months, and work for an IT company with an annual income of approximately 25-35 lacs. I know I lost the opportunity to invest some money during/after the covid time; else, I would have had a somewhat better portfolio. I need your advice on how to properly invest my money.
Ans: Your goal of retiring early is achievable with proper planning. Your current financial position is strong, but optimising your portfolio will make the journey smoother. Let’s analyse and suggest steps for a secure and financially independent retirement.

Current Financial Position
Key Strengths

Significant corpus in NRE FDs (Rs 2.5 crore) provides stability and liquidity.
Diversified portfolio includes mutual funds (Rs 60 lakh) and stocks (Rs 8 lakh).
Rental income from two properties ensures regular cash flow.
Challenges

NRE FDs have limited growth potential due to inflation.
LIC policies with Rs 5 lakh corpus may not yield high returns.
High real estate allocation limits portfolio diversification.
Opportunities

Invest for long-term growth to outpace inflation.
Align portfolio to generate passive income for retirement.
Build a dedicated education fund for your son.
Immediate Steps for Financial Optimisation
Emergency Fund Setup

Keep Rs 25-30 lakh as an emergency fund in liquid instruments.
This ensures quick access during unexpected situations.
Insurance Coverage Review

Increase health insurance coverage to Rs 25 lakh for better protection.
Retain term insurance until you achieve financial independence.
LIC Policies Assessment

Evaluate the returns of LIC policies.
Consider surrendering low-yield policies and reinvesting in mutual funds.
Flat Purchase in Bangalore/Pune

Ensure the new flat aligns with your retirement plan.
Avoid over-allocation to real estate; it ties up liquidity.
Portfolio Diversification
Mutual Funds

Increase exposure to actively managed equity funds for long-term growth.
Avoid direct investment in index funds due to lack of active management.
Debt Funds

Allocate funds to high-quality debt instruments for stability.
These complement the equity portion by reducing overall portfolio risk.
Equity Investments

Invest in diversified equity mutual funds for wealth accumulation.
Avoid concentrating too much in direct stock investments.
Gold

Maintain gold allocation at 5–10% of your portfolio.
It provides inflation protection but lacks consistent income.
Retirement Corpus Planning
Target Monthly Expenses

Estimate post-retirement monthly expenses, including inflation.
Plan for at least Rs 1.5–2 lakh per month to maintain lifestyle.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)

Use SWPs from mutual funds for regular income during retirement.
These provide tax-efficient and inflation-adjusted income.
Rental Income Management

Retain your current rental properties for steady cash flow.
Plan to optimise rental yields for better returns.
Education Corpus for Son

Set aside Rs 50–60 lakh for your son's higher education.
Factor in inflation and the possibility of foreign education.
Tax Implications and Considerations
NRE FD Taxation

NRE FDs will lose tax-free status once you return to India.
Consider moving funds to tax-efficient mutual funds or debt instruments.
Mutual Fund Taxation

LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh on equity funds is taxed at 12.5%.
Debt fund gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Rental Income Taxation

Deduct maintenance costs while declaring rental income.
Plan taxes to optimise cash flow.
Long-Term Investment Strategy
Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing

Review your portfolio semi-annually or annually.
Rebalance to maintain the ideal equity-to-debt ratio.
Inflation and Longevity Planning

Ensure investments grow faster than inflation over 30–40 years.
Factor in healthcare costs and other unforeseen expenses.
Diversified Passive Income

Build multiple passive income streams from mutual funds and rental income.
Ensure income covers all expenses without depleting the principal corpus.
Finally
Your financial position and income potential indicate readiness for early retirement. Focus on optimising investments, diversifying, and planning for long-term needs. A disciplined approach will help achieve financial independence by your target age of 48–50.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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I am 51 single, divorced and have one little sister who is 32. Recently I lost my job, and I am not in the mood to search for a new one. I am in the process of making arrangement to fulfill my monthly needs. I am holding the NPS which has a small corpus of 5 lacs in tier 1 and 45k in tier 2. Now I want to completely exit from the NPS. Now I must compulsorily accept the 20% withdrawal and 80% annuity. I have a few queries below. 1. Should I consider buying 100% annuity. 20% withdrawal does not make sense 2. Should I consider putting 1.5 lacs more to enhance the annuity (The corpus will become 7 lacs approx.). 3. Should I consider taking out the annuity on a yearly basis (Please explain Its pros and cons), since it offers more benefit. 4. Should I consider the Shriram life insurance. 5. Will it be safe to consider Shriram life insurance for life long future annuity. It offers the highest annuity. 6. Should I consider Annuity for Life with ROP - Subscriber will get annuity for lifetime and on death of the Subscriber, payment of annuity ceases & 100% of the purchase price will be returned to the nominee(s). The annual offer is 49,063.00 (7.01%) 7. Should I consider Annuity for Life without ROP - Subscriber will get annuity for lifetime and on death of the Subscriber, payment of annuity ceases, and no further amount will be payable. The annual offer is 58,112.00 (8.30%)
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1. Yes.
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I graduated with a BBA in 2022, and since then, I’ve been on a thrilling two-year adventure at an MNC. But guess what? I decided to resign in March 2024 because, you know, who doesn’t love a little drama at work? Now, I’ve managed to burn through all my hard-earned savings like a pro, and here I am, utterly confused about my future. Sometimes I think about leaving India—maybe for studies or just to escape and do some mindless job somewhere. Other times, I dream of retreating to the most remote corner of India and living off the grid. I’ve always been pretty good with technology, snagged a degree, and even racked up some work experience. But now? I’m completely lost on where to start over. I’ve scoured countless articles and advice columns, but they’ve been about as helpful as a chocolate teapot. I’m just looking for that life-changing advice that seems to be in short supply. Turning 24 this year!
Ans: Hello Manan,
My simple advice to you would be to get back to some job while you can continue to ponder over your long term goals/passion/pursuits.
Sitting idle (with no funds) at home won't help & it is not going to do any good to your career/life plans.
Simultaneously you can continue to do introspection & chalk out a proper plan as far your larger life goals are concerned.
Say you earnestly wish to pursue higher studies than you need to get yourself these answers 1) Why you need a higher degree in first place ? 2) Will it help you to get job/career of your choice? 3) If yes, then shortlist some relevant good courses & start exploring admit process etc. 4) Meanwhile do account for funds that will help you to time your break from the job (savings, loans etc.)
Likewise ask yourself questions for each option you have in mind & be honest in responses, that will help you to zero on your real aspiration & then do the proper detailing/planning. This may entail some compromises in short term but will certainly pave your way to achieve long term goals.

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Me and my girlfriend we both are in relationship from about last 2 years (almost). After such a long time I got to know that she had 2 relationships before me that too she didn't told I got to know it by third person she was sexually involved too (not intercourse but yes other things with one of them)... When I asked her that why you didn't told anything to me before she said she was scared that if she'll tell it to me so I'll leave her and she really did not wanted that... She was scared to loose me. And she was still in contact with that guy and when I asked her that why you were still in contact with him (it's been around 3 years they got separated) so she says that she is like that only... She can't deny anyone because of her soft hearted nature but she did not had any feelings for him. She also said that once she even went to meet him when he requested to meet and also on the same she claims that her soft hearted nature has done that she wasn't able to deny. I loved her too much but now all these things are hurting me like anything. (She is my first relationship before her i never had anyone)
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are hurt and the complexities of the hearts might be difficult sometimes to grasp. The first reason for your sorrow, her past relationship, and the fact that she was physically intimate with them is not completely justifiable. Though I understand that you feel hurt because she did not disclose it to you, still it should not matter so much as to ruin your present relationship. And whether she will open up about such sensitive details is actually up to her. It has nothing to do with how much she loves you or trusts you. Please understand that.

Now coming to the next thing, the fact that she is still in touch with them and has even met one of them, that is slightly concerning. It would have been okay if she did that openly- please understand that I am not saying she should have asked for your permission, but rather discuss the same with you. Moreover, in a relationship, it is also important to understand how much your partner is comfortable with- goes for both men and women. If you are uncomfortable with her relationship with her exes, she should consider that. I would have said the same if the table was turned. I suggest you have a clear conversation with her and express how you feel about this situation- depending on how she reacts and how the conversation goes, you both can think about the next step.

Hope this helps.

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