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48 and Earning 1.3 Lakhs – Should I Use 401k to Pay Off Home Loan?

T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |292 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

A certified management accountant since 1993, T S Khurana is a fellow member of The Institute of Cost Accountants of India. His areas of expertise are income tax, specifically litigation cases, and GST.

Since the last 21 years, he has also been providing expert advice on financial matters, including investments and diversification of funds, and wealth building in the long term to his clients.
He believes that investment in real estate is the safest way for better returns and wealth generation over a period of time.

A former chairman of the Chandigarh Chapter of Institute of Cost Accountants of India, T S Khurana has also served as member of its technical committee.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Dear Sir, I am 48 and only earning member. MY MONTHLY RARNING IS 1.3 L PER Month and having home loan of 28k per month and outstanding home loan of 16L. I have 401 k reteirement in the US. Should I take 401K to settle home loan or leave 401K for latter to dave tax and penalty.

Ans: Your question is not clear. What do you mean by 401 k retirement in US ? Please provide data of retirement benefits you would be getting after taxation in US under this plan.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I'm 35 year. And getting 28lpa. Currently I'm invest in 6 SIPs (31k) monthly, 5k in NPS, 26k is personal loan, 17k car emi and purchasing 15k stock in every month. Stock buying I started from jan2024. I have around 25lakh in my sip fund and 10lakh other fund. Now I'm planning to buy a home that cost around 90 lakh. So my question is, can take the 80% home loan and keep my SIP. Or withdraw my all sip fund and reduce home loan amount. Btw my personal loan will complete end of this year. Please suggest withdraw the sip fund is good option or taking the home loan is good option.
Ans: It sounds like you're making some big financial decisions, and it's great that you're considering your options carefully. Taking out a home loan while keeping your SIPs intact could be a strategic move. It allows you to maintain your investment momentum while also spreading out the cost of your home purchase over time.

However, withdrawing your SIP funds to reduce the home loan amount could also be a viable option. It would lower your debt burden and potentially save you on interest payments in the long run.

Before making a decision, consider factors like the interest rates on the home loan versus the potential returns on your SIP investments. Also, think about your long-term financial goals and how each option aligns with them.

Consulting with a financial advisor could provide valuable insight into the best course of action based on your specific circumstances and goals. With careful planning, you'll be on track to achieving your dream of homeownership while securing your financial future.

..Read more

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
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Hi i am 42 yrs i am govt servent going to retire at 58 currently my salary 60pm from last one years i started investing in mutual fund 10k in nippon small cap 5k in sbi large and small cap and this years started 5k in nippon flexi cap fund currently i hav 24lac in ppf account also need to make small home for that i need 40 lac suggest me some should i take home lone or use my savings for that
Ans: Considering your retirement in 16 years and your current investment in mutual funds and PPF, let's analyze your options for purchasing a home.

You're off to a good start with your mutual fund investments, providing potential growth over the long term. However, investing in equity funds for a short-term goal like buying a house carries risk due to market fluctuations.

Given your timeline and the need for 40 lac for a home, it's prudent to explore multiple avenues. Utilizing your savings in PPF is an option, but it might not cover the entire cost.

Taking a home loan could be a viable solution. It allows you to preserve your savings and spread the cost of the house over a longer period. However, consider the loan's interest rate, tenure, and your ability to repay post-retirement.

Alternatively, you could partially fund the home with your savings and take a smaller home loan, reducing the burden of EMIs post-retirement. This approach offers a balance between utilizing savings and leveraging loans.

Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to assess your risk tolerance, evaluate loan options, and devise a suitable strategy aligned with your financial goals and retirement plans.

In summary, weigh the pros and cons of using savings versus taking a home loan, considering factors like interest rates, repayment capacity, and post-retirement income. With careful planning, you can achieve your goal of owning a home while safeguarding your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 42 year Employee working in MNC with 15 L CTC , Bought 1bhk home in 2012 and home loan cleared in 2021, Now family asking to buy 2 bhk ,I don't have any debt but I am confused whether to buy home or to invest in any long term retirement plan to secure the future.At this age and stage whether I will be able to take risk of Home loan Need some guidance
Ans: It's great that you're thinking ahead about your financial future. You’ve done well clearing your home loan and staying debt-free. Now, you're at a crossroads, deciding whether to invest in a larger home or focus on long-term retirement planning. Both options have their merits, so let's dive deep into each scenario to help you make an informed decision.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
You earn a CTC of Rs 15 lakhs per annum and have no debt. You’ve paid off your home loan, which is a significant achievement. Your financial discipline is commendable. Let’s evaluate both options – buying a 2 BHK home and investing in long-term retirement plans.

Option 1: Buying a 2 BHK Home
Understanding the Need:

Family Expectations:
Your family’s request for a 2 BHK is understandable. More space can enhance your living comfort.

Investment Perspective:
Property can be a good investment but comes with risks and commitments.

Financial Considerations:

Home Loan:
Taking a new home loan means committing to EMI payments for many years. Assess your ability to manage this alongside other expenses.

Down Payment:
Ensure you have enough savings for the down payment without dipping into emergency funds.

Market Conditions:

Real Estate Market:
Evaluate the current real estate market. Property prices can be volatile, and returns are not guaranteed.
Option 2: Investing in Long-Term Retirement Plans
Importance of Retirement Planning:

Future Security:
Investing in retirement plans ensures financial security for your later years. It’s crucial, especially as you’re in your 40s.

Compounding Benefits:
Starting now allows your investments to compound, growing significantly over time.

Investment Avenues:

Mutual Funds:
Mutual funds can offer high returns, especially equity funds. They’re managed by professionals, ensuring strategic growth.

Public Provident Fund (PPF):
A safe investment with tax benefits. Ideal for long-term savings but has a lower return compared to equity funds.

National Pension System (NPS):
Provides a mix of equity and debt investments. Good for retirement planning with tax benefits.

Evaluating Risks and Returns
Real Estate Risks:

Market Volatility:
Property prices can fluctuate. There’s no guarantee of high returns.

Liquidity Issues:
Real estate is not easily liquidated in emergencies. Selling property can take time.

Investment Risks:

Market Risks:
Investments in equity funds are subject to market risks. However, they tend to even out over the long term.

Inflation Impact:
Your investments need to outpace inflation to maintain purchasing power in the future.

Advantages of Investing in Mutual Funds
Professional Management:

Expertise:
Funds are managed by professionals who make informed investment decisions.
Diversification:

Risk Management:
Mutual funds spread investments across various sectors, reducing risk.
Liquidity:

Ease of Access:
Mutual funds can be easily liquidated, providing financial flexibility.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Time-Consuming:

Management Effort:
Direct funds require more time and knowledge to manage effectively.
Lack of Guidance:

Professional Advice:
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures you get expert advice, making better investment choices.
Benefits of Regular Funds
Convenience:

Managed Investments:
Regular funds through a CFP handle the complexities of investing for you.
Strategic Planning:

Goal Alignment:
CFPs ensure your investments align with your financial goals.
Balancing Family Needs and Financial Security
Family Comfort vs. Financial Stability:

Immediate Needs:
Buying a 2 BHK home caters to your family’s immediate comfort.

Long-Term Security:
Investing in retirement plans ensures long-term financial stability.

Power of Compounding in Mutual Funds
Growth Over Time:

Reinvestment:
Returns are reinvested, generating higher earnings over time. Starting now maximises the compounding effect.
Making an Informed Decision
Assessing Priorities:

Family Discussions:
Have a candid discussion with your family about long-term goals and immediate needs.
Financial Calculations:

Budget Analysis:
Calculate your budget for both scenarios. Ensure you have a clear understanding of EMIs and investment contributions.
Final Insights
Considering your age and financial position, investing in long-term retirement plans seems prudent. It ensures you have a secure financial future, leveraging the power of compounding. However, balancing family comfort is also important. You could explore buying a 2 BHK if you can manage the EMI without straining your finances.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, my age is 29. I am a IT employee doing job since 2020 June.. present my monthly salary 70000, I started inverting in Mutual fund from 2020 November with amount of 1000 bluechip fund, and increase 10% sip amount every year. Now I am having 7.5Lacks fund in bluechip fund and after change new organization i started one more 10,000/- SIP in quant ELSS fund for tax saving fund from April 2024. Along with that I invested 1.7lacks in FD for emergency fund.. and for family security purpose I took a 1cr term insurance, I have a dream that is build a own house so I am planning to take a home loan for 50-60lacks. So I can full fill my dream with little changes in my investment plans..
Ans: You are in a good place financially. With a monthly salary of Rs 70,000, you have been steadily building your wealth since you began working in 2020. The fact that you started investing in mutual funds from November 2020 is a positive step towards securing your financial future. Your decision to increase the SIP amount by 10% each year reflects a disciplined and forward-thinking approach to wealth accumulation.

The Rs 7.5 lakhs you’ve accumulated in the bluechip fund shows the power of consistency and long-term investing. Additionally, your Rs 1.7 lakhs in a Fixed Deposit for emergencies is a sensible move, ensuring you have a safety net. Your Rs 1 crore term insurance policy is also a wise decision, offering financial security to your family in case of unforeseen events.

Your recent investment of Rs 10,000 per month in an ELSS fund is a strategic choice, combining tax savings with equity growth potential. This is an intelligent move considering the tax benefits under Section 80C, along with the long-term growth prospects of equity investments.

However, your dream of owning a home and the associated plans to take a home loan of Rs 50-60 lakhs requires careful consideration, especially in the context of your current and future financial goals.

Home Loan and Its Impact
Owning a home is a significant milestone. However, taking a home loan for Rs 50-60 lakhs is a substantial financial commitment. A loan of this size could lead to an EMI of around Rs 40,000 to Rs 50,000 per month, depending on the interest rate and tenure. This will significantly impact your cash flow.

Things to Consider Before Taking the Home Loan:

EMI Burden: The EMI will consume a significant portion of your monthly income. This could limit your ability to invest in other areas. With your current salary, this EMI might take up over half of your monthly income, potentially straining your budget.

Interest Cost: Over the tenure of the loan, the interest component could be considerable. Even though the real estate appreciates, the interest you pay over time might outweigh the gains unless the property’s value appreciates substantially.

Opportunity Cost: The funds directed towards home loan EMIs could otherwise be invested in high-growth avenues, potentially offering higher returns over the long term.

Adjusting Your Investment Strategy
Given your current situation and future plans, a few adjustments in your investment strategy might help balance your dream of owning a home with your long-term financial goals.

Increasing SIPs Gradually:

Continue with your existing SIPs in mutual funds, including the ELSS fund for tax saving. Given the power of compounding, even small, regular investments can grow significantly over time. Since you have already implemented a strategy of increasing your SIP by 10% each year, ensure you continue this practice. This will help counter the effect of inflation on your investments and ensure your wealth grows in real terms.
Diversification of Investment Portfolio:

While bluechip funds are a good choice for stability and growth, consider adding mid-cap and small-cap funds to your portfolio. These funds carry higher risk but offer the potential for higher returns. A diversified portfolio can help you achieve a balance between risk and return, thereby optimizing your overall portfolio performance.
Avoid Overreliance on FD for Emergency Fund:

Your Rs 1.7 lakh FD serves as an emergency fund, which is essential. However, Fixed Deposits may not be the best option in terms of returns. Consider moving a portion of this fund to a liquid fund or a short-term debt fund. These funds offer better returns than FDs and are equally liquid, ensuring you can access the money when needed without sacrificing returns.
Reassessing the Home Loan Plan
Given the potential financial strain of a large home loan, it might be worth reconsidering the size of the loan or even the timing of your home purchase. Here are a few strategies to help you align your dream of homeownership with your financial security:

Delay the Purchase:

Consider delaying the home purchase by a few years, allowing your investments to grow further. This could reduce the loan amount you need to take, thereby reducing the EMI burden. A delay of even 3-5 years could make a significant difference in your financial comfort.
Save for a Larger Down Payment:

Increase your savings to make a larger down payment on the house. This will reduce the loan amount, subsequently lowering the EMIs and interest paid over time. Given your disciplined approach to SIPs, you could allocate some of your savings towards this goal.
Consider a Shorter Loan Tenure:

If you are set on buying the home now, consider opting for a shorter loan tenure. Though this would mean higher EMIs, you will pay significantly less interest over the loan’s life. It will also help you become debt-free sooner, allowing you to focus on other financial goals.
Maintain a Healthy Debt-to-Income Ratio:

Aim to keep your debt-to-income ratio below 40%. This means your total EMI payments (including the home loan) should not exceed 40% of your monthly income. This will ensure you have enough left over to invest in other areas and meet your living expenses comfortably.
Ensuring Long-Term Financial Security
Owning a home is a part of your financial journey, but ensuring long-term security requires a broader approach. Here’s how you can align your home purchase with other financial goals:

Retirement Planning:

Continue building your retirement corpus alongside your home loan repayments. With the power of compounding, the earlier you start, the more significant your retirement fund will be. Even a small monthly SIP dedicated to your retirement can grow substantially over time.
Review Your Insurance Needs:

Your Rs 1 crore term insurance is a good start, but with a home loan, your liabilities increase. Consider reviewing your insurance coverage to ensure it adequately covers your outstanding loan amount along with other potential financial responsibilities.
Education Fund for Future Children:

If you plan to have children in the future, consider starting an education fund early. SIPs in equity mutual funds or child-specific investment plans can help you accumulate a substantial corpus by the time your child needs it.
Tax Planning Strategies
Given that you are already investing in an ELSS fund for tax saving, continue doing so. However, with the addition of a home loan, you will have more tax-saving avenues available:

Section 80C Deductions:

The principal repayment of the home loan qualifies for a deduction under Section 80C, along with your ELSS contributions. This could help you maximize your Section 80C deductions up to the limit of Rs 1.5 lakhs.
Section 24(b) Interest Deductions:

Under Section 24(b), the interest paid on your home loan is deductible up to Rs 2 lakhs per annum. This deduction will significantly reduce your taxable income, thereby lowering your tax liability.
Maximizing HRA and Home Loan Benefits:

If you continue living in a rented house even after purchasing the new home, you can claim both HRA (House Rent Allowance) and home loan deductions, depending on the location and circumstances.
Final Insights
Your financial journey is off to a great start, and your disciplined approach to saving and investing will serve you well in the long run. However, balancing your dream of owning a home with other financial goals requires careful planning and consideration.

While taking a home loan is a viable option, ensure it does not strain your finances to the point where it compromises other aspects of your financial well-being. By gradually increasing your SIPs, diversifying your investments, and possibly delaying your home purchase or saving for a larger down payment, you can achieve your dream without compromising your financial security.

Remember, your financial plan should be flexible, allowing you to adjust as circumstances change. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your strategy with the help of a Certified Financial Planner will ensure you stay on track to achieve all your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |490 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |490 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan Rai  |490 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |490 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |490 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |490 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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my husband after marriage cheated to me he is in relationship on that time he avoids me and ignore me but i am very loyal on that time because of son, now we both not asking eachother abt anything, not talking but abt the son any activity will be there we will be together, but we are not talking with eachother even now we are not caring eachother, the man who i met recently he is my friend my colleague he know everything abt me but now he proposed me and he treated me like a wife he knows abt my son. he really love me even i involved him my family to know my family background, he is married but divorce, even i love him a lot every habits he have as a husband he takes take he talk with me very respectively, what should i do i want a suggestion. is it right?
Ans: Dear Ruta,
It's essential to reflect on what you truly want and need for your emotional well-being and happiness. Your marriage, despite its difficulties, still ties you and your husband together, especially through your son. You both have managed to maintain a cooperative relationship for his sake, which shows your commitment as parents.

However, the new relationship you're considering brings a fresh dynamic. This person understands your struggles, respects you, and offers emotional support. It's natural to feel drawn to someone who makes you feel valued and loved, especially after experiencing neglect and betrayal.

Before making any decisions, it's important to take time to reflect on your current situation. Consider what you want from your life and relationships. Think about how any decision you make will affect not only you but also your son and everyone involved. Communicating openly with your husband about your feelings and the state of your marriage could bring some clarity, even if it's difficult.

If you choose to pursue a relationship with this new person, ensure that you're doing it for the right reasons and that you're both on the same page about the future. It's crucial to consider your emotional readiness and the potential impact on your son. This process may take time, but prioritizing your emotional well-being and happiness is essential.

Ultimately, the right path will be one that brings you peace, happiness, and stability for both you and your son. Trust yourself to make a decision that aligns with your needs and values.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4045 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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