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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Smitha Question by Smitha on May 02, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 43years, I want 35 lakhs after 5years for daughters marriage, and 7years i need 20lakhs for children education, and after 12years i need 1cr plus 1lakh per month as pension.. So how to start investment and in which funds

Ans: To achieve your financial goals, a systematic and diversified investment approach is essential. Let's outline a strategy to meet each milestone effectively.

Investing for Daughter's Marriage (5 years):
Opt for low to moderate risk investment options due to the short time horizon.
Consider debt mutual funds, fixed deposits, or short-term debt instruments for stability and capital preservation.
Saving for Children's Education (7 years):
Balance risk and return with a mix of equity and debt investments.
Invest in diversified equity mutual funds for potential growth and debt funds for stability.
Utilize Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana or education-specific investment plans for tax benefits and focused savings.
Planning for Retirement (12 years):
Emphasize long-term growth potential with a predominantly equity-based portfolio.
Allocate investments across large-cap, mid-cap, and diversified equity funds for diversification and risk management.
Explore options like National Pension System (NPS) or Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF) for additional retirement savings.
Selecting Suitable Funds:
Research and choose mutual funds with consistent track records, experienced fund managers, and adherence to investment objectives.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and portfolio optimization.
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to align with changing goals and market conditions.
Getting Started:
Begin investing systematically and regularly to benefit from rupee-cost averaging and compounding.
Set up SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) in selected mutual funds to automate your investments and maintain discipline.
Monitor your portfolio's performance and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards your financial goals.
As you embark on this investment journey, remember to stay patient, disciplined, and focused on your long-term objectives. With prudent planning and consistent efforts, you can build a secure financial future for yourself and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2024

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I am 50 years old i have an income of 20000 per mont? .i want to save money for my.daughter marriage and for old age pension .where to invest money of 3lakhs for these achievement or goals
Ans: It's great that you're planning ahead for your daughter's marriage and your old age pension. Let's dive into your options:

With an income of 20,000 per month, saving 3 lakhs might take some time, but it's definitely achievable with proper planning and discipline.

Given your goals, it's essential to strike a balance between safety, growth, and liquidity in your investments. Here's what you can consider:

Fixed Deposits (FDs): FDs offer safety and guaranteed returns. You can consider investing a portion of your savings in FDs to ensure capital preservation for your daughter's marriage.
Debt Mutual Funds: Debt mutual funds provide relatively higher returns than FDs while maintaining liquidity. They're suitable for medium-term goals like your daughter's marriage. Opt for funds with a track record of stable returns and low volatility.
Public Provident Fund (PPF): PPF is a popular long-term investment option offering tax benefits and steady returns. It can serve as a retirement corpus for you, providing financial security in your old age.
Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): SCSS is designed for individuals above 60 years and offers regular income post-retirement. You can consider investing a portion of your savings in SCSS to build a pension corpus for your old age.
Gold ETFs: Investing in Gold ETFs can provide diversification to your portfolio and act as a hedge against inflation. You can allocate a small portion of your savings to Gold ETFs for long-term wealth preservation.
As you're nearing retirement age, it's crucial to prioritize building a robust retirement corpus alongside saving for your daughter's marriage. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your goals and risk profile.

Remember, consistency and discipline are key to achieving your financial aspirations. Keep saving regularly, and you'll steadily progress towards your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I am 55 years old and can invest Rs.10000 a month. I need Rs 50 lakhs after 4 years for my daughter marriage which is inevitable. How and where to invest to fulfill my required amount.
Ans: Let's delve into your investment strategy to achieve your goal of Rs. 50 lakhs in four years. Your dedication to securing your daughter's future is commendable, and I'll guide you with a comprehensive plan. Here’s how you can approach this significant financial goal.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
It's crucial to understand the specific amount and timeline for your goal. You need Rs. 50 lakhs in four years for your daughter’s marriage. With Rs. 10,000 to invest monthly, we'll need a strategic plan to bridge any gaps.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer diversification and professional management. They can help achieve high returns if selected wisely. Opt for actively managed funds rather than index funds. Active funds, managed by experienced fund managers, can potentially outperform the market.

Selecting the Right Mutual Funds
Choose funds with a good track record over different market cycles. Look for funds with consistent performance and reputable fund managers. Investing in a mix of equity and debt funds can balance risk and reward.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A SIP allows you to invest a fixed amount monthly, which is ideal for your Rs. 10,000 monthly investment. This approach benefits from rupee cost averaging and compounding. Even in volatile markets, SIPs can smoothen out returns over time.

Exploring Debt Instruments
Benefits of Debt Instruments
Debt instruments like debt mutual funds, corporate bonds, or fixed deposits offer stability and lower risk. They ensure capital preservation, which is crucial given your four-year timeline.

Choosing the Right Debt Instruments
Select instruments with a high credit rating to ensure safety. Debt mutual funds with a short to medium duration are preferable. They provide better returns than traditional savings accounts without taking on excessive risk.

Balancing Equity and Debt
Asset Allocation
Asset allocation is vital for achieving your goal. Considering your time frame and risk tolerance, a balanced approach is recommended. A 60:40 ratio between equity and debt could be effective.

Adjusting Over Time
As you approach your goal, gradually shift more towards debt instruments. This transition reduces the risk of market volatility impacting your corpus closer to the target date.

Benefits of Active Management
Professional Fund Management
Actively managed funds bring the expertise of fund managers. These professionals make informed decisions based on market analysis. This can result in higher returns compared to passive funds.

Regular Fund Investments
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials ensures you receive expert guidance. They help in selecting the right funds, rebalancing the portfolio, and maximizing returns.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Steer Clear of Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem cost-effective due to lower fees. However, they lack the expert guidance that comes with regular funds. Investing through an MFD with a CFP ensures better fund selection and management.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds merely replicate market indices. They lack the potential for outperforming the market. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, aim to beat the market, offering better growth prospects.

Importance of Regular Monitoring
Regular Portfolio Reviews
Monitoring your investments regularly is essential. It helps in making necessary adjustments based on market conditions. Regular reviews ensure your investments stay on track towards your goal.

Rebalancing the Portfolio
Rebalancing involves realigning the weightage of your portfolio components. This ensures your asset allocation remains in line with your risk tolerance and financial goals. It's crucial as market movements can skew your allocation over time.

Considering Tax Implications
Tax Efficiency
Tax efficiency is an important factor. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity funds are taxed at 10% beyond Rs. 1 lakh. Debt funds held for more than three years qualify for LTCG benefits with indexation, making them tax-efficient.

Tax-Saving Instruments
Investing in tax-saving instruments like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) can provide dual benefits. They offer potential for high returns along with tax deductions under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.

Emergency Fund
Importance of an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial to handle unexpected expenses. It ensures you don’t have to dip into your investments prematurely. Ideally, maintain six months’ worth of expenses in a liquid fund or savings account.

Creating an Emergency Fund
Start building an emergency fund alongside your investments. Allocate a portion of your Rs. 10,000 monthly investment towards this fund until it reaches the desired level.

Insurance Coverage
Importance of Insurance
Adequate insurance coverage is essential to protect against unforeseen events. It ensures your financial plan remains intact even in adverse situations.

Health and Life Insurance
Ensure you have sufficient health insurance to cover medical emergencies. A term life insurance policy can provide financial security to your family in case of any eventuality.

Engaging a Certified Financial Planner
Benefits of a CFP
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) brings expertise and personalized advice. They help in crafting a financial plan tailored to your goals and risk profile. Engaging a CFP ensures disciplined and strategic investing.

Regular Consultations
Schedule regular consultations with your CFP. They can help in reviewing your portfolio, making necessary adjustments, and ensuring your investments align with your goals.

Final Insights
Achieving Rs. 50 lakhs in four years requires a strategic and disciplined approach. By investing Rs. 10,000 monthly in a mix of equity and debt funds, you can balance growth and stability. Actively managed funds offer potential for higher returns, while debt instruments ensure capital preservation. Engaging a Certified Financial Planner ensures expert guidance and regular portfolio reviews. With careful planning and regular monitoring, you can achieve your financial goal and secure your daughter’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

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Sir, im 37 yrs old married man with two children. I have around 40 lakh which i would like to invest for better future of my children along with getting some fund for self & wife during oldage. Please guide.
Ans: You have Rs 40 lakh to invest. Your main goals are securing your children’s future and ensuring financial stability for yourself and your spouse during old age. This is a significant amount, and it’s crucial to allocate it wisely to achieve these goals.

Allocating Funds for Children’s Future
Education Fund: Invest a portion in child education-specific mutual funds. These funds are actively managed and can help in building a substantial corpus over time. Regularly review the fund’s performance with a Certified Financial Planner.

Long-Term Growth: Consider investing in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. Equity funds, managed by professional fund managers, can potentially offer higher returns over time.

Securing Your Retirement
Retirement Corpus: Allocate a portion to retirement-focused mutual funds. These funds, actively managed, can help in growing your corpus while mitigating risk.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Once you retire, you can opt for SWP from your accumulated corpus. SWP provides a regular income, which can be beneficial in managing expenses during retirement.

Balancing Safety and Growth
Debt Funds: For a balanced approach, invest in debt funds. These funds offer stable returns with lower risk, making them ideal for preserving capital.

Diversification: Ensure your investments are diversified across different asset classes. This reduces risk and increases the chances of achieving your financial goals.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Periodic Review: Regularly review your investments with a Certified Financial Planner. Adjust the portfolio as needed based on market conditions and your changing financial needs.

Emergency Fund: Keep a portion of your funds liquid in case of emergencies. This ensures you are not forced to withdraw from your long-term investments.

Final Insights
Avoid ULIPs and Insurance-Based Investments: These often combine insurance with investment, leading to higher costs and lower returns. Instead, focus on pure investment products and separate term insurance for adequate coverage.

Active Management: Actively managed funds often outperform passive index funds, especially in the Indian market. Ensure your investments are in funds managed by experienced professionals.

Investing with a clear strategy can help you secure your children’s future and ensure a comfortable retirement for yourself and your spouse. Regular reviews and adjustments are essential for staying on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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Resend OTP in120seconds

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