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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asma Question by Asma on May 06, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old i have an income of 20000 per mont? .i want to save money for my.daughter marriage and for old age pension .where to invest money of 3lakhs for these achievement or goals

Ans: It's great that you're planning ahead for your daughter's marriage and your old age pension. Let's dive into your options:

With an income of 20,000 per month, saving 3 lakhs might take some time, but it's definitely achievable with proper planning and discipline.

Given your goals, it's essential to strike a balance between safety, growth, and liquidity in your investments. Here's what you can consider:

Fixed Deposits (FDs): FDs offer safety and guaranteed returns. You can consider investing a portion of your savings in FDs to ensure capital preservation for your daughter's marriage.
Debt Mutual Funds: Debt mutual funds provide relatively higher returns than FDs while maintaining liquidity. They're suitable for medium-term goals like your daughter's marriage. Opt for funds with a track record of stable returns and low volatility.
Public Provident Fund (PPF): PPF is a popular long-term investment option offering tax benefits and steady returns. It can serve as a retirement corpus for you, providing financial security in your old age.
Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): SCSS is designed for individuals above 60 years and offers regular income post-retirement. You can consider investing a portion of your savings in SCSS to build a pension corpus for your old age.
Gold ETFs: Investing in Gold ETFs can provide diversification to your portfolio and act as a hedge against inflation. You can allocate a small portion of your savings to Gold ETFs for long-term wealth preservation.
As you're nearing retirement age, it's crucial to prioritize building a robust retirement corpus alongside saving for your daughter's marriage. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your goals and risk profile.

Remember, consistency and discipline are key to achieving your financial aspirations. Keep saving regularly, and you'll steadily progress towards your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir ,I am 50 years old and a government servant in Rajasthan having served the department for 21 years now with 12 years of service still remaining . I own a house which is almost debt free, have invested in sip’s ,which are small amount but in different funds which includes SBI blue chip,nippon ,quant small cap fund ,Parag Parikh flexicap .I have one daughter and my wife is also a government teacher.We both would get around one crore each when we retire . My objective now is my daughter’s education,her marriage and post retirement a better life economically. I have family health insurance also despite government providing us with a free of cost health services.In which funds , for long and short term,I should invest to fulfill my future requirements.My job is pensionable.
Ans: It's commendable that you're thinking ahead and planning for your family's future. Here are some tailored suggestions for your financial goals:

For Daughter's Education:
Short-Term (0-5 Years): Consider investing in debt mutual funds or fixed deposits to ensure capital preservation for your daughter's near-term education expenses.
Long-Term (5+ Years): Since your daughter's education is a long-term goal, you can invest in a mix of equity mutual funds with a focus on growth. Look for diversified funds that offer exposure to large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap segments.
For Daughter's Marriage:
Medium to Long-Term (5-15 Years): To accumulate funds for your daughter's marriage, you can allocate a portion of your investments to equity mutual funds with a longer investment horizon. Opt for a combination of large-cap and flexi-cap funds for stability and growth potential.
For Retirement:
Long-Term (12+ Years): As you have a pensionable job, your retirement corpus can supplement your pension income. Invest in a diversified portfolio of equity mutual funds along with a portion allocated to debt funds for stability. Aim for a balanced approach that accounts for both growth and capital preservation.
Fund Selection:
Equity Funds: Look for well-established funds with a consistent track record of performance and a focus on long-term wealth creation. Consider funds with a proven investment strategy and experienced fund managers.
Debt Funds: Choose debt funds that offer a blend of safety and returns suitable for your short-term goals. Opt for funds with a low credit risk and a moderate duration profile.
Balanced Funds: Consider allocating a portion of your investments to balanced funds, which offer a mix of equity and debt exposure. These funds provide diversification and stability to your portfolio.
Risk Management:
Review Regularly: Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Make adjustments as needed based on changes in your circumstances or market conditions.
Stay Informed: Stay updated on market trends, economic developments, and investment opportunities. Knowledge empowers you to make informed decisions and navigate financial markets effectively.
Consultation:
Seek Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a certified financial planner to develop a personalized financial plan tailored to your specific needs and objectives. A professional advisor can provide valuable insights and guidance to help you achieve your financial goals effectively.
By following these recommendations and staying disciplined in your investment approach, you can work towards securing a bright and financially stable future for yourself and your family.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I am 55 years old and can invest Rs.10000 a month. I need Rs 50 lakhs after 4 years for my daughter marriage which is inevitable. How and where to invest to fulfill my required amount.
Ans: Let's delve into your investment strategy to achieve your goal of Rs. 50 lakhs in four years. Your dedication to securing your daughter's future is commendable, and I'll guide you with a comprehensive plan. Here’s how you can approach this significant financial goal.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
It's crucial to understand the specific amount and timeline for your goal. You need Rs. 50 lakhs in four years for your daughter’s marriage. With Rs. 10,000 to invest monthly, we'll need a strategic plan to bridge any gaps.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer diversification and professional management. They can help achieve high returns if selected wisely. Opt for actively managed funds rather than index funds. Active funds, managed by experienced fund managers, can potentially outperform the market.

Selecting the Right Mutual Funds
Choose funds with a good track record over different market cycles. Look for funds with consistent performance and reputable fund managers. Investing in a mix of equity and debt funds can balance risk and reward.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A SIP allows you to invest a fixed amount monthly, which is ideal for your Rs. 10,000 monthly investment. This approach benefits from rupee cost averaging and compounding. Even in volatile markets, SIPs can smoothen out returns over time.

Exploring Debt Instruments
Benefits of Debt Instruments
Debt instruments like debt mutual funds, corporate bonds, or fixed deposits offer stability and lower risk. They ensure capital preservation, which is crucial given your four-year timeline.

Choosing the Right Debt Instruments
Select instruments with a high credit rating to ensure safety. Debt mutual funds with a short to medium duration are preferable. They provide better returns than traditional savings accounts without taking on excessive risk.

Balancing Equity and Debt
Asset Allocation
Asset allocation is vital for achieving your goal. Considering your time frame and risk tolerance, a balanced approach is recommended. A 60:40 ratio between equity and debt could be effective.

Adjusting Over Time
As you approach your goal, gradually shift more towards debt instruments. This transition reduces the risk of market volatility impacting your corpus closer to the target date.

Benefits of Active Management
Professional Fund Management
Actively managed funds bring the expertise of fund managers. These professionals make informed decisions based on market analysis. This can result in higher returns compared to passive funds.

Regular Fund Investments
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials ensures you receive expert guidance. They help in selecting the right funds, rebalancing the portfolio, and maximizing returns.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Steer Clear of Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem cost-effective due to lower fees. However, they lack the expert guidance that comes with regular funds. Investing through an MFD with a CFP ensures better fund selection and management.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds merely replicate market indices. They lack the potential for outperforming the market. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, aim to beat the market, offering better growth prospects.

Importance of Regular Monitoring
Regular Portfolio Reviews
Monitoring your investments regularly is essential. It helps in making necessary adjustments based on market conditions. Regular reviews ensure your investments stay on track towards your goal.

Rebalancing the Portfolio
Rebalancing involves realigning the weightage of your portfolio components. This ensures your asset allocation remains in line with your risk tolerance and financial goals. It's crucial as market movements can skew your allocation over time.

Considering Tax Implications
Tax Efficiency
Tax efficiency is an important factor. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity funds are taxed at 10% beyond Rs. 1 lakh. Debt funds held for more than three years qualify for LTCG benefits with indexation, making them tax-efficient.

Tax-Saving Instruments
Investing in tax-saving instruments like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) can provide dual benefits. They offer potential for high returns along with tax deductions under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.

Emergency Fund
Importance of an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial to handle unexpected expenses. It ensures you don’t have to dip into your investments prematurely. Ideally, maintain six months’ worth of expenses in a liquid fund or savings account.

Creating an Emergency Fund
Start building an emergency fund alongside your investments. Allocate a portion of your Rs. 10,000 monthly investment towards this fund until it reaches the desired level.

Insurance Coverage
Importance of Insurance
Adequate insurance coverage is essential to protect against unforeseen events. It ensures your financial plan remains intact even in adverse situations.

Health and Life Insurance
Ensure you have sufficient health insurance to cover medical emergencies. A term life insurance policy can provide financial security to your family in case of any eventuality.

Engaging a Certified Financial Planner
Benefits of a CFP
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) brings expertise and personalized advice. They help in crafting a financial plan tailored to your goals and risk profile. Engaging a CFP ensures disciplined and strategic investing.

Regular Consultations
Schedule regular consultations with your CFP. They can help in reviewing your portfolio, making necessary adjustments, and ensuring your investments align with your goals.

Final Insights
Achieving Rs. 50 lakhs in four years requires a strategic and disciplined approach. By investing Rs. 10,000 monthly in a mix of equity and debt funds, you can balance growth and stability. Actively managed funds offer potential for higher returns, while debt instruments ensure capital preservation. Engaging a Certified Financial Planner ensures expert guidance and regular portfolio reviews. With careful planning and regular monitoring, you can achieve your financial goal and secure your daughter’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir, I am pradeep,41 years old. I am getting 1.5lakhs take home salary. To get 3cr as retirement fund by the age of my 60 gearsy,how should I invest my money. Also everymonth I have 40k fixed commitments.
Ans: Current Financial Situation
Name: Pradeep
Age: 41 years
Monthly Take-Home Salary: Rs 1.5 lakhs
Monthly Fixed Commitments: Rs 40,000
Financial Goal
Retirement Fund Target: Rs 3 crores by age 60
Investment Strategy
Assessing Monthly Savings
Monthly Income: Rs 1.5 lakhs
Monthly Commitments: Rs 40,000
Potential Savings: Rs 1.1 lakhs
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Purpose: Steady growth and disciplined savings.
Suggested SIP Allocation: Rs 50,000 - Rs 70,000 per month.
Fund Selection:
Diversified Equity Fund
Flexi Cap Fund
Large Cap Fund
Suggested SIP Allocation
Diversified Equity Fund: Rs 20,000 per month
Flexi Cap Fund: Rs 20,000 per month
Large Cap Fund: Rs 10,000 per month
Balancing Risk and Returns
Objective: Balance growth with risk management.
Approach:
Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds.
Consider balanced or hybrid funds for lower risk.
Diversifying Investments
Mutual Funds
Allocation: Majority in equity funds, some in debt funds.
Purpose: Growth through equities, stability through debt.
Debt Funds
Purpose: Lower risk, stable returns.
Suggested Allocation: Rs 10,000 - Rs 20,000 per month.
Fund Selection:
Conservative Hybrid Fund
Debt Fund
Building a Retirement Corpus
Long-Term Goal: Achieve Rs 3 crores by age 60.
Steps:
Start SIPs immediately.
Increase SIP amount annually as salary increases.
Reinvest any bonuses or windfalls.
Regular Review and Adjustment
Monitoring Investments
Frequency: Every six months.
Purpose: Ensure investments are on track.
Approach:
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner.
Adjust investments based on market conditions.
Understanding Market Cycles
Education: Learn about market cycles and investment strategies.
Guidance:
Attend seminars/webinars.
Read investment literature.
Seek advice from your fund manager.
Final Insights
Diversification: Spread investments across equity and debt.
Discipline: Maintain regular SIP contributions.
Growth: Focus on long-term growth through equity funds.
Review: Regularly monitor and adjust your portfolio.
Education: Understand market dynamics with professional guidance.
By following this strategy, you can build a robust retirement corpus while managing risk effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 08, 2024Hindi
Money
Iam under debt of Rs 10lac and my salary is 23k per month. How to come out from debt and i need to get debt free. So, please guide me.
Ans: Being in debt can be overwhelming, especially on a limited monthly income. But with disciplined planning and commitment, you can gradually achieve financial freedom. Here’s a detailed guide to help you pay off your Rs 10 lakh debt and build a stable financial foundation.

Step 1: Calculate Your Monthly Expenses and Set a Budget
Start by understanding your cash flow. Track every expense to get a clear picture of your spending.

Essential Expenses: These include rent, food, utilities, and any other basic needs.

Discretionary Expenses: Cut back on non-essentials like dining out, entertainment, and shopping.

Savings and Debt Repayment: Dedicate any amount left after essential expenses towards debt repayment.

Tip: Keep a written budget or use a mobile app to monitor your expenses. Reducing discretionary spending will help increase the amount available for debt repayment.

Step 2: Increase Income if Possible
Boosting income, even slightly, can significantly accelerate debt repayment. Here are some ideas:

Freelance or Part-Time Work: If possible, look for freelance work in areas you’re skilled in, like writing, tutoring, graphic design, or programming.

Overtime or Extra Shifts: If your employer offers overtime, consider taking it on to increase your income.

Sell Unwanted Items: Sell items you no longer need, such as electronics, clothes, or furniture, to generate additional cash.

Increasing your income, even temporarily, can help you pay off your debt faster.

Step 3: Create a Debt Repayment Plan
List all your debts, including outstanding amounts, interest rates, and due dates. Here are two strategies for paying them off:

Snowball Method: Pay off smaller debts first to gain momentum, then tackle larger ones. This provides psychological motivation by clearing debts faster.

Avalanche Method: Focus on debts with the highest interest rates first. This method saves more on interest in the long term.

Choose the strategy that suits you best and start making extra payments each month.

Step 4: Prioritize High-Interest Loans and EMI Payments
Debt with higher interest can escalate quickly, so prioritize clearing them first. Some common examples include:

Credit Card Debt: If part of your debt is on credit cards, try to pay it down as quickly as possible. Credit card interest rates are often the highest.

Personal Loans: If your Rs 10 lakh debt includes high-interest loans, prioritize these over lower-interest obligations.

Contact your creditors to explore if they can reduce your interest rate temporarily. Any reduction helps ease the debt burden.

Step 5: Consider Debt Consolidation Options
Debt consolidation combines multiple loans into a single, lower-interest loan, making it easier to manage. Options include:

Personal Loans: Look for a lower-interest personal loan to pay off existing debts. This can reduce the overall interest burden.

Balance Transfer: If a major portion of your debt is on a credit card, look for a card offering a low or zero-interest balance transfer option.

Be cautious of fees associated with consolidation options and make sure to do thorough research. Consolidation can simplify payments and potentially save you money on interest.

Step 6: Start a Small Emergency Fund
While repaying debt is crucial, having a small emergency fund (around Rs 5,000–Rs 10,000) can help you avoid additional debt. This fund is for unexpected expenses like medical emergencies or car repairs.

Building a small emergency cushion ensures you don’t rely on credit if unplanned expenses arise. Once your debt is cleared, you can gradually build a larger emergency fund.

Step 7: Avoid Taking on New Debt
Avoid credit cards, loans, or any new debt until you’ve repaid the current amount. New debt will delay your goal of becoming debt-free.

Instead of borrowing, prioritize saving for any purchases. Practicing patience with spending decisions will help prevent additional debt.

Step 8: Automate and Regularize Payments
Set up automated payments for your debt EMIs and monthly bills. Automation helps prevent missed payments, which can incur penalties and hurt your credit score.

If automated payments aren’t possible, set reminders to ensure timely payments.

Step 9: Track Progress and Stay Motivated
Track your progress each month and celebrate small wins, such as reaching specific milestones in debt reduction.

Seeing your debt balance decrease, even gradually, can keep you motivated.

Step 10: Seek Professional Guidance If Needed
If you feel overwhelmed, consider seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can help you devise a structured plan tailored to your specific financial situation.

A CFP can also provide personalized advice on managing and reducing debt efficiently.

Finally
Your determination to achieve a debt-free life is commendable. By following these steps and staying disciplined, you’ll gradually pay off your debt and move toward financial freedom. Remember, small steps today will lead to a financially secure tomorrow.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6995 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

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Money
Dear sir/Ma'am, I want to invest long term mutual fund for my daughter marriage. She is now 15 years old and i want to invest for 10 years, please advised me which mutual fund best for me. My monthly investment amount is Rs. 5000.00/- please reply soon as soon possible.
Ans: Investing for your daughter's marriage is a thoughtful goal. With 10 years to grow your investment, mutual funds offer a practical approach to help achieve this objective. A disciplined investment of Rs 5000 per month can build a substantial corpus over time. Here’s a comprehensive guide to structuring this investment for long-term success.

Choosing the Right Type of Mutual Funds
For a 10-year horizon, equity mutual funds are suitable. They have the potential for higher returns over time. Considering a diversified mix of equity categories could balance growth with stability.

Equity-Oriented Funds: With their higher growth potential, equity funds can be ideal for long-term goals like marriage. Large-cap funds or diversified equity funds with a mix of large- and mid-cap investments can provide relative stability.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These funds allocate a portion to both equity and debt. This approach reduces risk while still capturing growth. Hybrid funds could be a good option to add stability.

Avoid Index Funds: While index funds are popular, they lack flexibility in managing market changes. Actively managed funds, however, allow fund managers to navigate market fluctuations, potentially offering higher returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
When considering direct funds, you miss out on expert guidance, which is vital for long-term investments. Regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensure you get continuous support, fund reviews, and performance tracking. They help rebalance your portfolio when required, maximizing your returns and managing risks effectively.

SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) for Steady Growth
Setting up a monthly SIP of Rs 5000 is a practical approach. SIPs allow you to invest consistently, regardless of market highs and lows, which averages out costs over time. This approach, known as “rupee cost averaging,” helps reduce the impact of volatility.

Tax Implications on Mutual Fund Investments
Understanding tax rules on mutual funds is important.

Equity Mutual Funds: Gains above Rs 1.25 lakh attract a 12.5% tax on Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG). Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both STCG and LTCG are taxed based on your income tax slab.

These tax rates are subject to change, so it’s crucial to monitor tax policies periodically. You may consult a tax advisor for updates and efficient tax planning.

Key Investment Tips to Reach Your Goal
Consistency: Stay disciplined with your SIPs to leverage compounding. Missing contributions can reduce the growth potential.

Regular Monitoring: Review fund performance at least once a year. This ensures the selected funds are meeting your expectations and objectives.

Professional Guidance: Consult a CFP periodically to align your investments with your financial plan. They can advise on any required adjustments to optimize your portfolio.

Adjusting for Inflation and Goal Cost
Over time, inflation will impact the cost of your daughter’s marriage. Your CFP can help you estimate the future value and adjust your SIP amount if needed. Gradually increasing the SIP amount can help you meet the target despite inflation.

Final Insights
Your commitment to this goal is commendable. By selecting the right mix of funds, maintaining discipline with SIPs, and staying informed on tax and fund performance, you’ll be well on your way to achieving the desired corpus for your daughter’s marriage.

Invest with confidence, plan regularly, and stay on track toward building a secure financial future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1033 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 08, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello! I am looking to change my career. Currently, I work as a DTP Operator and Graphic Designer in my maternal uncle's offsset printing press business. My father passed away 8 years ago, so my maternal uncle has taken on the responsibility of me, my mother, and my brother. I have been working under them for the past 5 years as a favor of them. However, there has been no financial growth or development in my current position. But maternal uncle asks me to continue to work with them as their childrens are out of their Offset Printing profession. So they expect me to handle the business in future. But this will not happen. Also I'm not sure of the future scope of Offset Printing Press profession due to digitization. Though my mind is telling me to change profession, as of my financial condtion is weak I would have to start again from zero. I am feeling unsure about what to do?
Ans: Hello.
Presently you are working as a DTP operator and Graphic Designer with your uncle. It seems that due to financial problems, your uncle might be taking undue advantage of your situation and taking it granted that you must work for him and his printing press as a bull for 24x7. You said, your uncle's children are not interested in running the printing press. Hence he is expecting to handle the business in the future. I think this is a golden time to negotiate with your uncle from a business point of view and put some terms and conditions in front of him. You must overtake the printing press fully in your control and share some part of the profit with him. Remember, you are young, have solid experience of 5 years and the most important thing is that, your uncle is not dependent on you only. This makes the situation in your favor. If your uncle is not ready to hand over the printing press business to you, then you have an option to search for another job and tell your uncle also in this regard. I can fairly say, your uncle will not think to lose you under any condition. In life, nothing is impossible, With the hands-on experience of 5 years, you may job in an advertising company and a reputed publishing house. Related to your insecurity feeling, even though you are working with your uncle, you are feeling insecure. Hence either force your uncle to accept your terms and conditions or leave him without any hesitation. Try with new people, new organizations, and new opportunities. A little change will make a big change in your life.
Best of luck for your bright future.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |403 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024
Relationship
I (27M) am well Educated & well settled in a High-paying Job. Tall, Handsome & Fit. I am a Sociable & Outgoing person, but I never had a Girlfriend because I believe in having an Arranged Marriage with a Girl from the same Community, who's Family background is known to Parents. I strongly believe in abstaining from any kind of Sexual Intimacy until I get Married, due to my Personal, Moral, Ethical, Emotional as well as Religious & Socio-cultural Values. I'd want to experience even my First Kiss, only after getting Married to my Life Partner. And obviously, I expect my Future Life Partner also to Share similar Values. I cannot settle for Marriage with a Girl who had Pre-marital Sex (or even Kissed) anyone else in a Romantic Relationship, prior to Marriage. I would Reject such a Girl, however Beautiful, Well-Educated & Well-Earning she might be (all other Qualities being Subjective). Now, my Family has started looking up suitable Brides for me, within my Community. The Problem is that most Girls of our Community, in this Generation, are Well Educated & Financially Independent, staying in Cities, away from Parents & most of them, probably had Romantic Relationship(s) & experienced Physical Intimacy, at any Base Level. I know this by closely observing & discussing with many Girls of my Community (including my Female Cousins, Female Friends & Neighbours etc). They all are ridiculing me for my Preferences & advising me to forsake my Values, as they are Outdated in this Age. Now, I am Worried that I might never get to Marry a Girl who shares my Values. My greatest Fear is not ending up Unmarried, but getting Married to a Woman who lies about her Past (I consider it as Cheating). Can you please advise me on, how can I be absolutely Sure that a Girl is an Un-Kissed Virgin? How do I bring up this topic with any Girl before Marriage & ask her, without coming off as Creepy? How can I be Sure whether the Girl is being absolutely Honest about her Past or not? What are some other ways to find out about the Past of a Girl, apart from having an open conversation with herself? Please advise me regarding this, my Heart is not letting me foresake my Values, which are my Core Principles. I am willing to compromise on some other Qualities i.e., I'd happily settle down with a Girl who's Below Average in terms of Looks, Education & even Unemployed, as long as I can be Sure that she's an Un-Kissed Virgin. How can I be absolutely Sure of that?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You don't have to forsake your values based on others' opinions of it. If it makes you happy, you should stick to it. Having said that, you cannot force the same values on others. I understand you want a partner who has a similar mindset. The only way to get what you want is an open conversation- when you speak to a match, you can open up about your outlook and clear it from your end that you want the exact same values in your partner and politely request them to reject the alliance if she has any past relationships or has been intimate with anyone in any form. Let her know that you are not judging her, but this part is very important for you. Make it about yourself, because it is. Do not let the woman feel that there is some flaw in her, or start investigating her past.

Now, coming to your other query, how to be absolutely sure that she is telling the truth about her experiences- there is no such technique. You have to trust her. Moreover, you should understand that as much as you believe your values are important, trust in your partner is equally important in having a healthy and happy relationship. While you work on finding the partner of your choice, work on having a little more faith in people.
Hope this helps.

Best Wishes

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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