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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Apr 11, 2022

Mutual Fund Expert... more
vijay Question by vijay on Apr 11, 2022Hindi
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Hi sir, I am 43 years old and i have invested lump sum in following MFs

Portfolio - 1:

1.DSP ELSS TAX SAVER 80K Now @ 1.60 lakh holding since 2017

2.SBI long term Equity Dir G 5700 Rs left in Folio

Portfolio - 2:

3.Nippon India Flexi Cap Dir-G 80K

4.Tata Business Cycle Dir-G 60K

5. Nippon India Small Cap Dir-G 70K (Shifted from NI ELSS last week)

6. MO Nasdaq 100 FoF Dir-G 33K + planned Rs.5000/month SIP also (since this August 21)

And I have FOUR Lakh (2 in Sb A/c & can withdraw TWO lakh from my PPF) for investment. I am ready to invest 25-30k/month, minimum of 15 Years, can be increased to 50K after June-2023. I will Retire @2038, thinking Corpus of 10 Crore... Please Suggest... Can I invest in this Funds (Lump sum+SIP)/SIP, or some Good funds for investing.... How to modify/Invest....

Ans: Use SIP mode; these funds may be considered:

Fund Plan
DSP Focused Fund Growth
UTI Flexi Cap Fund Growth
Samco Flexi Cap Fund Growth
Parag Parekh Flexi Cap Fund Growth
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Apr 22, 2022

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I am 52 year professional, working in private sector. Other than my EPF & PF savings I am having following mutual fund investments (both in SIP & lump su). My goal is to have a corpus of Rs 1.5 - 2 cr in next 4-5 years. I am ready to invest Rs 40K in SIP on monthly basis and may be Rs 5-10 lump sum in another 6 months’ time. Request you to review my portfolio and advise on what SIPs I can start (also any correction required for existing funds?) as well as whether to invest in good equity stocks (I am having a demat account with few direct equities of Rs 2 L only) or in lump sum mutual fund for annual Rs 5-10 L surplus. Company No of shares Price Recommendation PORTFOLIO DETAILS A MONTHLY SIP MUTUAL FUND     Sl No Fund Details Current value in Rs L SIP AMOUNT in RS 1 HDFC Flexi Cap Fund - Regular Plan Growth 4.32 3000 2 Axis Mid cap fund 0.6 5000 3 Mirage assets large cap fund 0.58 5000 4 Axis Special situation fund - Regular Plan - Growth 0.09 2000 5 Aditya Birla Sun Life Frontline Equity Fund Growth 3.8 3000 6 Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - Regular Plan Growth 0.09 3000 7 Kotak Equity Opportunity Fund - Regular Plan Growth 0.09 3000                 B LUMP SUM MUTUAL FUND     Sl No Fund Details Current value in Rs L Initial Value in Rs L 1 Axis Retirement Savings Fund - Conservative Plan - Regular Growth 6.2 5 2 Axis ESG Equity Fund Regular Plan Growth 4.85 3 3 Axis Blue-chip Fund Growth 5.2 3 4 Tata Focused Equity Fund - Regular Plan 6.16 4 5 LIC Debt Fund - Secured NA 2 6 LIC balanced Fund NA 2
Ans: Please continue, we can review after 1 year

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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on Oct 13, 2022

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Sir, request your kind advice and guidance on this please. My age is 46 years and I am expecting corpus of Rs 1 Cr in 10 years. I have read your unbiased views on various queries from MF investment enthusiasts. Your feedback has been very impressive and really helps people like us. My heartfelt gratitude and thanks for the same. Sir, I have following mutual fund SIPs and I would seek your guidance on whether these are OK, or any course correction required. LUMP SUMP INVESTMENTS split as below. Aditya Birla Sun Life Focused Equity Fund - Gr in March 2022 value Rs 62434. Current value is Rs 59218 Axis Growth Opportunities Fund - Gr in March 2022 value Rs 62122. Current value is Rs 57015 Edelweiss Arbitrage Fund - Gr in April 2021 value Rs 45567. Current value is Rs 47660 L&T Arbitrage Opportunities Fund - Gr in July 2021 value Rs 65730. Current value is Rs 69077 Nippon India Arbitrage Fund - Gr in July 2021 value Rs 49595. Current value is Rs 51859 SIP: Total monthly SIP of Rs 25000, split as below: Axis Bluechip Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2500 Axis Focused 25 Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2000 Canara Robeco Flexi Cap Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2000 Edelweiss Mid Cap Fund - Regular Gr, monthly investment Rs 5000 Invesco India Contra Fund - Gr monthly investment Rs 2000 Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2000 Kotak Flexicap Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2500 L&T Midcap Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 5000 SBI Flexicap Fund - Gr, monthly investment Rs 2000 Total portfolio amount as on date is Rs 14 lakh.
Ans: Funds are good, please continue, don’t increase funds; if you need to top up, do in the existing schemes.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 48 years old and I am investing in mutual fund from 2017 and market value of mutual fund portfolio is 37 Lac and I am investing in following MF in through SIP Parag Parikh flexi cap fund 12 K Mirae asset Large and mid cap fund 5K Kotak emerging equity fund 5K Quant Active fund 5K Nippon India small cap fund 5K And following is lumpsum investment Quant large cap fund 250000 DSP Nifty 50 index fund 200000 ICICI pru short term fund 200000 JM flexi cap fund. 100000 Quant mid cap fund. 70000 I am planning to increase SIP by 10000 This I am planning for 10 years plan for retirement Kindly please suggest MF or guide me for any changes if any needed Thank you ???? Raj
Ans: Your current portfolio shows a solid mix of funds across various categories. You have SIPs in Flexi Cap, Large & Mid Cap, Emerging Equity, Small Cap, and Active funds. Additionally, you have lump sum investments in Large Cap, Index, Short Term, and Mid Cap funds. This diversification strategy is commendable as it balances risk across different market segments.

However, there are a few areas that could be optimized for better returns and lower risk, especially considering your 10-year retirement goal.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
You've invested a lump sum in an Index Fund. Index Funds track a specific benchmark, usually the Nifty 50 or Sensex. While they have lower expense ratios, they also lack the flexibility to adapt to market changes.

Active funds, on the other hand, allow fund managers to pick stocks that can outperform the market. In the long term, this can result in higher returns. Therefore, considering your retirement goal, shifting from the Index Fund to an actively managed fund might be more beneficial.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
You haven’t specified whether your investments are in regular or direct funds. If you are considering direct funds, it’s important to know their limitations. Direct funds have lower expense ratios, but they don’t come with professional advice.

Certified Financial Planners (CFP) provide guidance, periodic reviews, and help in rebalancing your portfolio based on market conditions and your financial goals. Investing through a CFP ensures your portfolio is always aligned with your objectives.

Evaluation of Your SIPs
Flexi Cap Fund: This is a good choice, providing flexibility to invest across market caps. However, it might be wise to ensure your exposure isn't overly concentrated in any single market cap.

Large & Mid Cap Fund: This fund offers a balance between stability (large caps) and growth potential (mid caps). Continue this SIP as it aligns with your retirement goals.

Emerging Equity Fund: Mid and small caps tend to be more volatile. Consider reviewing this SIP annually to ensure it meets your risk tolerance.

Active Fund: Active funds can outperform benchmarks if managed well. Continue this SIP, but keep track of the fund’s performance.

Small Cap Fund: Small caps can offer high growth but with higher risk. Given your retirement goal, ensure this SIP doesn’t exceed 20% of your total SIPs, as it could add unnecessary volatility to your portfolio.

Assessment of Lump Sum Investments
Large Cap Fund: Large Cap funds are relatively stable, providing consistent returns. This should be a cornerstone of your portfolio.

Index Fund: As discussed, consider switching this to an actively managed fund for better returns.

Short Term Fund: This is a conservative choice, good for parking funds temporarily. However, for long-term growth, these funds may not be ideal.

Flexi Cap Fund: Diversification is key here, and the fund’s flexibility is advantageous. Continue to monitor its performance.

Mid Cap Fund: This fund offers growth potential but with some risk. Ensure this investment complements your overall portfolio strategy without overexposing you to mid-cap volatility.

Increasing Your SIP
Increasing your SIP by Rs 10,000 is a wise decision. Here’s how you might allocate it:

Allocate Rs 5,000 to a Balanced Advantage Fund: This will add stability to your portfolio by balancing equity and debt exposure. It’s a conservative choice that can offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Allocate Rs 5,000 to a Focused Equity Fund: This can potentially offer higher returns as the fund manager focuses on a limited number of high-conviction stocks.

Portfolio Rebalancing and Monitoring
Rebalancing your portfolio regularly is crucial. Markets can be unpredictable, and what works today might not work tomorrow. Review your portfolio every six months to ensure it’s aligned with your risk tolerance and retirement goals.

Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-diversified, but there are opportunities to optimize it further. By shifting from index funds to actively managed funds, and considering the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner, you can potentially achieve better returns. Increasing your SIP is a positive step towards securing your retirement, but make sure to allocate it wisely across different fund categories.

In summary:

Consider shifting from Index Fund to an actively managed fund.

Evaluate your exposure to small caps and ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance.

Invest the additional SIP amount in balanced and focused equity funds.

Regularly rebalance your portfolio and seek guidance from a CFP.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2024Hindi
Money
My age is 40 and started SIPs in 2019 but major part of SIPs came in past 1 year. I am planning for a retirement corpus around 3.00crores in next 20 years. Please review my portfolio 1. Canara Robeco flexi cap fund - Rs. 4000.00 2. Canara Robeco Consumer Trends funds - Rs. 2000.00 3. Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund Direct Growth - Rs.10000.00 4. Canara Robeco Small Cap fund Direct Growth - Rs. 5000.00 5. Canara Robeco ELSS Tax Saver - Rs. 5000.00 I want to invest further Rs. 10000.00 monthly for next 20 years in 2 more SIP with different portfolio and want to do some lumpsum Rs. 50000.00 for long run each year. Kindly Suggest funds for both SIPs and lumpsum. Thanks
Ans: Planning for Rs. 3 crores in 20 years is achievable with disciplined investments. Systematic planning and fund selection are crucial for long-term growth. Your current SIP portfolio reflects commitment, but there is room for improvement to align with your goal.

Observations on Your Current Portfolio
Canara Robeco Flexi Cap Fund (Rs. 4,000)
This is a good diversified option. Flexi-cap funds balance risks across market caps.

Canara Robeco Consumer Trends Fund (Rs. 2,000)
Thematic funds focus on specific sectors. These may carry higher risks due to limited diversification.

Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund Direct Growth (Rs. 10,000)
Midcap funds can generate higher returns but are volatile. A large allocation to this fund increases portfolio risk.

Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund Direct Growth (Rs. 5,000)
Small-cap funds are high-risk, high-reward options. A balanced allocation here is essential to avoid overexposure to volatility.

Canara Robeco ELSS Tax Saver (Rs. 5,000)
ELSS is beneficial for tax-saving purposes. It also ensures equity exposure with a lock-in period of three years.

Recommendations for Current Portfolio
Rebalance the Allocation

Your portfolio leans heavily towards mid-cap and small-cap funds. Diversify further with large-cap or multi-cap funds.
This will stabilize returns during market downturns.
Reassess Thematic Fund Allocation

Consider limiting the Consumer Trends Fund allocation. Such funds may underperform if their sector faces a downturn.
Continue ELSS Investments

This is essential for tax savings. It also helps in building a disciplined approach.
Taxation Perspective
Equity Mutual Funds
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds
Both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Optimize withdrawals to minimize tax impact. Align investments with tax-efficient instruments.

Suggestions for Additional SIP Investments
To allocate Rs. 10,000 in new SIPs:

First SIP (Rs. 5,000)

Consider an actively managed large-cap fund. These funds focus on established companies with stable returns.
They provide consistency and balance to your portfolio.
Second SIP (Rs. 5,000)

Invest in a multi-cap fund. These offer flexibility across market caps, ensuring better adaptability to market conditions.
Recommendations for Lumpsum Investments
For Rs. 50,000 annual lumpsum investments:

Balanced Advantage Fund

A mix of equity and debt ensures lower volatility.
These funds are ideal for lumpsum investments, especially during market uncertainty.
Equity Opportunities Fund

Invest in funds focusing on long-term growth across sectors.
This complements your SIP-based equity investments.
Debt Fund with Low Duration

To park short-term capital, allocate some portion here.
This maintains liquidity and offers moderate returns.
General Investment Guidelines
Review Portfolio Performance Regularly

Assess fund performance every six months. Exit consistently underperforming funds.
Diversify Across Fund Houses

Avoid concentrating investments in one AMC. This mitigates fund house-specific risks.
Utilize a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)

Work with a CFP for expert insights and a holistic financial plan.
Regular funds via an MFD ensure better handholding and guidance.
Emergency Fund

Keep six months’ expenses in liquid assets. This ensures stability during uncertainties.
Evaluating Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds adapt to market changes. They aim to outperform benchmarks.
Fund managers’ expertise ensures a strategic approach, unlike index funds that merely replicate indices.
Drawbacks of Index Funds

Lack flexibility during market shifts.
Can lead to suboptimal returns if indices underperform.
Final Insights
You have a commendable start with SIPs. Focus on aligning investments with your financial goals. Rebalancing and diversifying across funds will reduce risks. Invest systematically and review periodically to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |955 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
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I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I would like to stay anonymous. Im 27F, recently got engaged and my wedding is in 5 months from now. This match is arranged by my parents within our community. Initially things went well, but after the engagement when we went outside for dinner he was speaking well but before leaving he said this is a suggestion from my end and told that there is slight space between my two teeth in the front and while smiling it creates black image in the photos. So it would be best if i would use invisible aligners so that before wedding it would be fixed adding to this he said he will take care of the expenses and he said he had this thought for a week so its better to disclose it with me. He also said that he didn't tell this to his parents he wanted to check my thoughts on this first, also he said he wanted myself to look very very pretty on the wedding and his relatives should say "Wow, we have never seen such a pretty bride", also he commented about my hair being short actually its medium length but i like to keep my hair short. I really got frustrated when he said all those things this got me very irritated. I didn't speak much, i said i wanted to leave and he dropped me at my place. The next day i asked him if we can meet again to get clarification on this thing, when i asked him the next day about this he said "its just a suggestion if you can take it its fine or you can leave it its upto you". He never accepted that he hurted me or made a wrong statement he kept on saying he didn't mean that way i took it very personally and im creating unnecessary ruckus. at last he said i could have said things differently but he didn't ask for sorry at all. I thought he wont talk about my features again but then after a week he again asked me you were eating outside food for a week you should have gained weight(trying to be funny here), i said no. Because him and his mother already asked about my weight like "why are you so thin? you could have put up some weight know"? I have been in this weight for many years, how much ever i eat my weight remains the same its because of the genetics. But people dont understand this and easily ask some body shaming questions. After this event he is not talking like before and even i dont push him, one of my friend asked me to take initiative and make calls to stop this awkward situation and i took lead called him four times in a week he spoke but he didn't bothered to call me again he was only texting after that too im okay with that but still i feel he might ask me to make changes in my feature, weight etc before the wedding. Im not sure how to deal with this.
Ans: When someone loves and accepts you, they don’t focus on “fixing” things about you to meet external standards, whether it’s for wedding photos or to impress relatives. His insistence that you should look “very, very pretty” for others’ approval shows that his priorities might not align with yours. You weren’t looking for a makeover; you were looking for a life partner who values you for who you are.

His response when you tried to talk about it also speaks volumes. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and reassuring you, he dismissed your concerns, making it seem like you were overreacting. A partner who truly cares would have listened, understood why you felt hurt, and taken responsibility for how his words affected you. Instead, he shifted the blame onto you for "creating unnecessary ruckus," which shows a lack of emotional maturity.

The weight comments, too, are unnecessary and inconsiderate. Genetics determine body type, and no one should feel the need to change themselves to meet someone else’s expectations. His family’s remarks about your weight, combined with his attitude, suggest that this won’t stop after the wedding. If they’re already making you feel self-conscious now, imagine the expectations and unsolicited “suggestions” that might continue in the future.

The distance that has formed between you both after this conversation isn’t just about awkwardness—it’s about emotional disconnection. A strong relationship is built on respect, comfort, and mutual appreciation, not on one person feeling judged and the other acting indifferent. The fact that you had to take the lead in calling him multiple times, while he didn’t reciprocate the effort, says a lot. A healthy relationship should feel mutual, not one-sided.

Right now, you need to ask yourself: Can you truly be yourself in this relationship, or will you constantly feel pressured to meet his and his family’s expectations? Do you feel emotionally safe with him, or do you feel like you have to defend your choices, your body, and your appearance?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and your peace of mind matters. If his attitude is already making you question yourself and feel frustrated, you have every right to reconsider. You don’t need to “deal” with this by adjusting to his expectations—you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life in.

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