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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 40 years old, in service business. Monthly earning is 1.25 lacs. I have a wife and 2 kids - 6 and 8. Monthly house rent 22k, car loan emi 32k, credit card payments and bill payments, school expenses will need more money than I have by the end of the month. 12 lacs car loan, credit cards 4 lacs, personal loan 4 lacs. What should I go to get out of this rat race apart from making more money? I want to buy a house.

Ans: You’ve done well by identifying the need for financial planning. Your current situation shows that you're proactive and want to take control of your finances. This is an important step towards financial stability and achieving your goals. Your desire to buy a house and get out of the rat race is admirable and achievable with proper planning.

Analyzing Your Financial Situation

At 40 years old, with a family of four, you face typical financial responsibilities. Your income of Rs. 1.25 lakhs per month is decent. However, your current obligations seem to exceed your earnings, causing financial stress.

Your expenses include:

House rent: Rs. 22,000
Car loan EMI: Rs. 32,000
Credit card debt: Rs. 4 lakhs
Personal loan: Rs. 4 lakhs
School expenses and other monthly bills
You have a car loan of Rs. 12 lakhs. Your credit card and personal loan debts are adding financial pressure. This situation makes it difficult to save and plan for a house.

Assessing Debt and Monthly Expenses

Your primary goal should be to manage your debts and monthly expenses. Here’s how you can approach this:

Debt Repayment Strategy

Prioritize High-Interest Debt: Focus on paying off high-interest debts first, such as credit card debt. This will reduce your financial burden over time.

Consolidate Loans: Consider consolidating your debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate. This can simplify repayments and reduce the overall interest burden.

Avoid New Debts: Resist the temptation to take on new loans or use credit cards for unplanned expenses. Stick to your budget and live within your means.

Budgeting

Track Your Spending: Keep a detailed record of your monthly expenses. This will help identify areas where you can cut back.

Create a Realistic Budget: Develop a budget that aligns with your income and financial goals. Include all essential expenses and allocate funds for debt repayment.

Emergency Fund: Build an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This will prevent you from relying on credit cards or loans in times of need.

Expense Management

Cut Unnecessary Expenses: Identify non-essential expenses and cut them. Small savings can add up over time and free up funds for debt repayment and savings.

Negotiate Bills: Talk to service providers to negotiate lower rates for utilities, insurance, and other recurring bills. Every little bit helps.

Investment Strategy

Investing wisely can help you achieve your goal of buying a house and securing your financial future. Here’s how you can approach investments:

Invest in Mutual Funds

Mutual funds offer a good balance of risk and return. They are managed by professionals who make investment decisions on your behalf. Here are some benefits:

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a variety of assets, reducing risk.

Professional Management: Fund managers have the expertise to make informed investment decisions.

Liquidity: Mutual funds are relatively easy to buy and sell, providing liquidity when needed.

Avoid direct funds due to the complexity of managing them yourself. Instead, invest through a certified financial planner (CFP) who can guide you towards the right funds based on your risk tolerance and goals.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

A SIP is a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Consistency: Regular investments help build a substantial corpus over time.

Rupee Cost Averaging: Investing regularly allows you to buy more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high, averaging out the cost.

Long-Term Goals and Planning

Achieving long-term financial goals requires careful planning and discipline. Here’s how you can approach it:

Children’s Education

Start Early: Begin saving for your children’s education as early as possible. The longer the investment horizon, the more you benefit from compounding.

Education Plans: Consider investing in child education plans offered by mutual funds. They provide the flexibility to withdraw funds as needed for educational expenses.

Retirement Planning

Pension Plans: Look into pension plans that provide regular income after retirement. These plans can supplement your retirement savings.

Regular Investments: Continue investing in mutual funds through SIPs to build a retirement corpus. The goal is to create a portfolio that can provide a steady income during retirement.

Purchasing a House

Buying a house is a significant financial commitment. Here’s how you can prepare:

Save for a Down Payment

Set a Target: Determine the amount you need for a down payment and set a savings target. Aim for at least 20% of the property’s value.

Dedicated Savings Account: Open a dedicated savings account for your house fund. This helps keep your savings goal-focused and separate from other funds.

Assess Affordability

Budget for EMIs: Ensure that your future home loan EMIs fit within your budget. A general rule is that your total EMIs should not exceed 40% of your monthly income.

Consider Additional Costs: Factor in other costs such as maintenance, property tax, and insurance when assessing affordability.

Improve Credit Score

Timely Payments: Pay all your existing loans and credit card bills on time to improve your credit score. A higher score will help you get better loan terms.

Reduce Outstanding Debt: Reducing your overall debt can positively impact your credit score and improve your loan eligibility.

Insurance Planning

Adequate insurance coverage is essential to protect your family’s financial future. Here’s what to consider:

Life Insurance

Term Insurance: Opt for a term insurance plan that provides a high coverage at a low cost. This ensures your family’s financial security in case of an untimely demise.

Sum Assured: Choose a sum assured that can cover your family’s expenses, outstanding debts, and future financial goals.

Health Insurance

Comprehensive Cover: Ensure you have a comprehensive health insurance plan that covers hospitalization, critical illnesses, and regular medical expenses.

Family Floater: Consider a family floater plan that covers all family members under a single policy.

Seeking Professional Guidance

A certified financial planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice and help you navigate your financial challenges. Here’s how they can assist:

Holistic Financial Planning

Customized Plans: A CFP can create a customized financial plan based on your unique circumstances and goals. This plan will outline steps to manage debt, save for future goals, and invest wisely.

Regular Reviews: Regular reviews with a CFP ensure that your financial plan remains aligned with your changing needs and market conditions.

Tax Planning

Tax Efficiency: A CFP can guide you on tax-efficient investments and strategies to minimize your tax liability. This can free up more funds for savings and investments.

Deductions and Exemptions: Utilize available tax deductions and exemptions to reduce your taxable income. For instance, contributions to certain investment plans may qualify for tax benefits.

Final Insights

Achieving financial stability and buying a house requires careful planning and disciplined execution. Here’s a summary of key steps:

Manage Debt: Prioritize and pay off high-interest debts first. Consider consolidating loans to reduce interest burden. Avoid taking on new debts.

Budget Wisely: Track your spending and create a realistic budget. Focus on essential expenses and build an emergency fund.

Invest Wisely: Invest in mutual funds through SIPs for long-term growth. Avoid direct funds and seek guidance from a certified financial planner.

Plan for Goals: Save early for children’s education and retirement. Regular investments can build a substantial corpus over time.

Prepare for Home Purchase: Save for a down payment, assess affordability, and improve your credit score. Plan your future home loan EMIs within your budget.

Ensure Adequate Insurance: Have sufficient life and health insurance coverage to protect your family’s financial future.

Seek Professional Guidance: Consult a certified financial planner for personalized advice and regular reviews of your financial plan.

Remember, financial planning is a journey, not a destination. Stay committed to your plan, make informed decisions, and adjust as needed. With patience and discipline, you can achieve your financial goals and secure a bright future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2024Hindi
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Money
I earn 50000 pm. Having a 35000 monthly financial Obligation and other borrowings how can I get out of this death trap and save money.
Ans: Managing financial obligations while trying to save money can feel like a daunting task. With a monthly income of Rs. 50,000 and financial obligations of Rs. 35,000, it’s essential to develop a structured approach. This guide will help you understand how to manage your debt, save money, and achieve financial stability.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Monthly Income and Obligations
Monthly Income: Rs. 50,000
Monthly Financial Obligations: Rs. 35,000
Genuine Compliments
Your awareness and proactive approach to improving your financial situation is commendable. Acknowledging the need for change is the first step towards financial freedom.

Step 1: Assess Your Expenses
Categorize Your Expenses
Break down your monthly expenses into fixed and variable costs. Fixed expenses are those that do not change, such as EMIs, rent, and utility bills. Variable expenses include groceries, dining out, and entertainment.

Fixed Expenses
EMIs: Rs. 35,000
Rent
Utilities
Variable Expenses
Groceries
Dining Out
Entertainment
Track Your Spending
Use a budgeting app or a simple spreadsheet to track every expense. This will help identify unnecessary spending and areas where you can cut back.

Step 2: Create a Realistic Budget
Prioritize Essentials
Ensure that your budget covers essential expenses first. These include rent, utilities, groceries, and EMIs.

Allocate for Savings
Even with tight finances, it's crucial to save. Start small, allocating at least 5% of your income to savings. Gradually increase this amount as your financial situation improves.

Reduce Discretionary Spending
Cut back on non-essential spending. Limit dining out, entertainment, and other discretionary expenses until your financial situation improves.

Step 3: Debt Management Strategies
Debt Consolidation
Consider consolidating your debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate. This can reduce your monthly EMI burden and make it easier to manage.

Prioritize High-Interest Debt
Focus on paying off high-interest debts first. This will reduce the total interest you pay and help you become debt-free faster.

Negotiate with Creditors
If you're struggling with payments, talk to your creditors. They may offer extended repayment terms, reduced interest rates, or other relief options.

Step 4: Increase Your Income
Side Hustles
Explore opportunities for additional income. Freelancing, part-time jobs, or monetizing a hobby can provide extra funds to pay off debts and save.

Career Advancement
Invest in your skills and education to advance your career. Higher qualifications and certifications can lead to promotions and salary increases.

Step 5: Build an Emergency Fund
Importance of an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund provides a financial cushion for unexpected expenses. Aim to save at least three to six months’ worth of living expenses.

Start Small
Begin by saving a small amount each month. As your financial situation improves, increase your contributions to the emergency fund.

Step 6: Plan for Future Savings
Set Financial Goals
Set clear, achievable financial goals. Whether it's saving for a vacation, retirement, or a major purchase, having specific goals can motivate you to save more.

Automated Savings
Automate your savings to ensure a portion of your income is saved each month. This reduces the temptation to spend and helps build a habit of saving.

Expected Returns and Investments
Avoid Index Funds
Index funds often have lower returns compared to actively managed funds. Instead, consider mutual funds with professional management to maximize returns.

Regular Investments
Once your financial situation stabilizes, start investing in mutual funds through SIPs. Even small, regular investments can grow significantly over time.

Conclusion
Achieving financial stability requires a combination of disciplined budgeting, effective debt management, and strategic saving and investing. By following these steps, you can manage your financial obligations, save money, and work towards financial freedom. Remember, consistency and patience are key.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

Money
Sir, I am 45 , lost 1 cr in business and shifted to Job profile and earning 24 LPA, have 1 home of 65 Lacs with 40 Lacs home loan , 20 Lakhs Mediclaim Policy , Nil Investment. what is the way ahead . 1. come out of depts urgently. 2. Build up a little for kids . Have 2 kids 9 and 8 yrs . school bit costly . 5 Lacs per Annum .
Ans: You’ve experienced a major financial setback with a business loss of Rs 1 crore and have since transitioned to a job with an annual income of Rs 24 lakh. Currently, you have a home valued at Rs 65 lakh but with an outstanding loan of Rs 40 lakh, and you’ve mentioned a costly school setup for your two children, with an annual fee of Rs 5 lakh. You also have a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy, which provides some security in terms of health coverage. Now, you are keen on clearing your debts, securing your children’s future, and building up a financial cushion.

Given your circumstances, it’s important to prioritize debt repayment, secure your children’s education, and rebuild your financial base. Here’s a step-by-step approach to achieving your goals.

1. Prioritize Debt Repayment
Paying Off the Home Loan
Your home loan of Rs 40 lakh is a significant liability. Considering that you pay Rs 5 lakh annually for your children’s education, this loan will be a major financial burden. However, paying off your home loan aggressively while maintaining your lifestyle is crucial for long-term stability.

Increase EMI Payments: Check if you can increase your home loan EMIs. You could redirect any excess income towards your home loan. Even a small increase in EMI can reduce your overall loan tenure, saving you substantial interest in the long run.

Lump Sum Prepayments: If you get any bonuses or financial windfalls, use them to make lump sum payments towards the principal. This will help reduce the loan quickly.

Refinance Your Home Loan: If your current interest rate is high, consider refinancing the loan to a lower interest rate. Even a small reduction in interest can lead to significant savings over the long term.

2. Build an Emergency Fund
Before starting any investments, you need to establish an emergency fund. This will prevent you from having to take on more debt in case of unforeseen expenses.

Target 6 Months of Living Expenses: Set aside enough money to cover at least 6 months of your family’s living expenses. This should include EMI payments, school fees, and day-to-day expenses. Aim for a fund of Rs 8-10 lakh for emergencies.

Place in a Liquid Fund: You can park this money in a liquid mutual fund or a high-interest savings account. The idea is that it should be easily accessible and provide some returns.

3. Address Kids’ Education
Your children are 9 and 8 years old, and their education is a significant ongoing expense. With annual fees of Rs 5 lakh, the costs are substantial.

Set Up a Dedicated Education Fund: You can begin a systematic investment plan (SIP) in mutual funds dedicated to their future educational needs. Equity mutual funds will provide the best growth over a 10-15 year period, but you’ll need to manage this carefully as they get closer to higher education.

Consider Education Insurance: Although you have a mediclaim policy, an education insurance plan can provide additional coverage in case something happens to you. This will ensure that their education is funded even if you're not around.

4. Start Long-Term Investments for Retirement
Since you have no current investments and a home loan to deal with, start slowly and steadily building your long-term savings. At 45, you have about 15-20 years until retirement, which is enough time to grow a retirement corpus if you act now.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Start with an SIP in equity mutual funds. Equity funds have the potential to give higher returns over the long term, which is crucial given the time frame. You can start small and increase contributions as your financial situation stabilizes.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Consider opening a PPF account. Though it has a lower interest rate compared to equity, it provides tax benefits and a risk-free return. It’s ideal for building a portion of your retirement fund.

Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF): If your company provides EPF (Employee Provident Fund), consider contributing extra to the VPF. This will help build a tax-free retirement corpus.

5. Secure Health and Life Insurance
You already have a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy, which is good. However, with two young children, securing your family’s future through proper life insurance is critical.

Term Insurance: You should get a term insurance policy that covers at least 10 times your annual income. With a Rs 24 lakh annual salary, consider a Rs 2.5-3 crore term policy. This will ensure your family’s financial security if anything happens to you.

Review Mediclaim Policy: With rising medical costs, a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy may not be sufficient. Consider increasing the coverage to Rs 30-40 lakh, depending on your budget.

6. Manage Current Lifestyle and Expenses
Your children’s school fees are Rs 5 lakh annually, which is a significant part of your income. You’ll need to make sure that this expense does not derail your financial goals.

Budgeting: Create a strict budget to ensure that you are able to save and invest every month. Keep discretionary spending to a minimum until you are able to stabilize your financial situation.

Avoid Lifestyle Inflation: As your income grows, it’s important to avoid lifestyle inflation (increased spending as income rises). Prioritize savings and investments instead of increasing your standard of living.

7. Rebuild Your Financial Confidence
Given the business loss, it's understandable to feel financial strain, but you’re taking the right steps by focusing on your job and rebuilding your financial base. The key now is to be consistent and disciplined with your finances.

Stay Positive and Committed: You have the earning capacity and time to rebuild your financial portfolio. Stick to your investment and debt repayment strategies, and you’ll find that progress happens gradually.

Focus on Long-Term Goals: Short-term market fluctuations and financial hurdles may cause concern, but your goal should always be long-term financial stability and security for your family.

Final Insights
Focus on Debt Reduction: Prioritize paying off your home loan and avoid new debts. Use any excess income or bonuses to prepay the loan faster.

Build an Emergency Fund: Secure at least 6 months of expenses in an easily accessible emergency fund before you start investing.

Start Investing for Kids’ Education: Start an education fund with SIPs in equity mutual funds. This will help you cover the cost of their higher education.

Plan for Retirement: Begin SIPs in equity funds and open a PPF account for long-term retirement savings. Consider VPF contributions if available.

Secure Your Family: Increase health insurance coverage if needed and take a term insurance policy of Rs 2.5-3 crore for your family’s protection.

With disciplined savings, prudent investments, and focused debt repayment, you will be able to rebuild your financial future and secure your children’s education as well as your retirement.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
Holistic Investment YouTube Channel

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
Money
I have personal of 30Lkah and EMI is 59K and 3 Lakh from App for 29K OD used till 8 lakh and interest paid is 9K 7 credit card with outstanding of 16lakh, My salary is 1.08 Lakh per month, PL and credit EMI itself crossed 130K then i have to pay rent of 16k, School Fees 10k and other food exp, i am not able to manage with single source of income how shall i come out of thus
Ans: Your current financial situation has multiple debt commitments, causing cash flow constraints. This issue can be resolved with structured financial steps. The key is prioritizing expenses, consolidating loans, and ensuring cash flow to cover necessities. Let's examine an approach that simplifies debt management and boosts financial stability.

1. Assessing Your Debts and Commitments

You have personal loans, credit card debt, and an overdraft. High-interest debts like credit cards and personal loans significantly impact your monthly expenses.

Your fixed obligations, including EMIs, rent, school fees, and essential expenses, are higher than your monthly salary. This imbalance needs addressing through focused debt reduction.

Consider consolidating high-interest debts into lower-interest options. This could include refinancing personal loans with lower rates, if available, to reduce the burden of high-interest payments.

2. Prioritizing Debt Payments

Prioritize high-interest debts, especially credit card balances. Credit cards typically carry the highest interest rates, so reducing or eliminating these will immediately lower financial stress.

Aim to pay more than the minimum on high-interest debts. This helps avoid accumulating additional interest charges, allowing more funds for other expenses.

Review each loan’s tenure and interest rate. Try reducing balances on short-term, high-interest loans first, which may ease monthly cash outflow over time.

3. Focused Cash Flow Management

Your monthly income is Rs 1.08 lakh, but fixed expenses exceed your earnings. Focus on generating positive cash flow by setting priorities.

Start by categorizing necessary expenses (e.g., rent, food, and school fees) and debt payments separately. This helps you understand essential cash outflows.

Limit discretionary spending temporarily until you achieve a more manageable financial state. Redirect any small savings toward debt reduction.

4. Increasing Your Income Sources

With a single income source, it can be challenging to meet all obligations. Explore additional income sources, such as freelance or part-time work, that fit your skills and schedule.

Consider opportunities within your workplace that might offer overtime or project-based incentives. Even small additional amounts can help cover essentials or support debt payments.

Another potential source is liquidating non-essential assets, such as unused electronics, jewelry, or investments, and channeling those funds toward debt reduction.

5. Reviewing Monthly Budget and Expense Cuts

Rent and school fees are fixed, but some flexibility in food and utility costs might provide savings. Keep these expenses within defined limits.

Set a target for savings on regular expenses, even if small. For example, 5-10% savings in these areas could help with debt servicing.

Track every rupee you spend, adjusting the budget monthly to ensure you stay within limits. This discipline helps in preventing unnecessary spending and redirects funds towards debt repayment.

6. Building a Contingency Plan

Set aside a minimal emergency fund, even if it’s Rs 5,000–10,000, to avoid credit card dependency during emergencies.

Any unexpected income, such as bonuses or gifts, should be allocated primarily towards debt reduction until obligations are more manageable.

Once your debt burden is reduced, aim to build an emergency fund that covers at least three months of essential expenses to prevent similar situations in the future.

7. Negotiating with Creditors for Relief

Approach your creditors, especially credit card companies, for possible interest rate reductions or restructuring options. Sometimes, they may offer relief on interest rates or payment flexibility for loyal customers.

For the overdraft and personal loan, inquire with your bank about reducing interest rates or switching to a secured loan. Lower rates mean lower monthly interest payments.

Keep communication open with all creditors, showing your commitment to repayment. This proactive approach may result in temporary relief or adjustments.

8. Reassessing Investment Goals and Plans

Focus primarily on paying off debt rather than investing during this period. Avoid any new investments or purchases until debt levels are manageable.

If you have small savings or assets, consider using them strategically to clear high-interest debts. This is a temporary measure and should be replaced by a renewed savings plan once debt obligations reduce.

Avoid risky investments like direct stocks or schemes promising quick returns. Stable and disciplined debt repayment is the priority.

9. Simplifying Credit Card Management

Limit your active credit cards to one or two with the lowest interest rates. This reduces the complexity of managing multiple due dates and payments.

Avoid making new purchases on credit cards. Switch to cash or debit card transactions for routine expenses to prevent adding to the outstanding balances.

Create a repayment plan targeting credit cards with the highest interest first. Small but consistent payments will gradually lower your overall balance.

10. Financial Discipline and Goal Setting

Financial discipline is key here. Set monthly targets to clear small portions of debt and ensure strict budget adherence.

Write down clear, achievable goals, like reducing credit card debt by 20% over the next six months. Achieving these smaller goals boosts motivation.

Reward yourself (in small ways) when you meet each target. This positive reinforcement keeps you motivated and helps maintain discipline.

11. Long-Term Financial Health

Once debt is under control, focus on rebuilding your financial base. Prioritize creating an emergency fund, then consider stable, low-risk investments.

Avoid high-interest debts in the future. If a loan is needed, look for the lowest interest option and evaluate its necessity.

Learn from this experience to maintain a balanced approach between income, expenses, and debt. This practice helps in long-term financial stability.

Finally

Managing high debts with a limited income is challenging but achievable with a structured plan. Focus on paying high-interest debts first, manage expenses, and explore additional income sources. Consistent budgeting and financial discipline will ease your journey. Stay focused, and over time, financial stability will be within reach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
Relationship
Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |127 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Dr.Shakeeb, I’m a 55 yrs male, had stents implanted in 2020 because of bad food habits and lack of regular movement, things have improved since then with better control on food habits. My problem is belly fat which is embarrassing and my weight is 77kgs, I was on knee braces for last 30 days bcoz of a slight ligament strain, so not able to do strenuous exercises. Pls suggest a workable regime for belly fat elimination considering my case history.
Ans: Hello Sir. Thank you for your query. Reducing belly fat requires a combination of calorie control, low-impact exercises, and lifestyle changes, tailored to your health history. Start by maintaining a slight calorie deficit of 200-300 kcal/day, focusing on a balanced diet rich in lean proteins, complex carbs, and healthy fats while avoiding sugary and processed foods. Drink 2-3 liters of water daily to stay hydrated. Engage in low-impact activities like brisk walking for 30-40 minutes daily, which is gentle on the knees and heart-friendly. Incorporate simple core-strengthening exercises such as pelvic tilts, seated knee lifts, and standing side bends to activate abdominal muscles without straining your knees. As your ligament strain heals, consult Physiotherapist about gradually increasing exercise intensity, including light resistance training. Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep and manage stress through mindfulness to lower cortisol levels, which can contribute to belly fat. Small, frequent meals can keep your metabolism active, and tracking progress through waist measurements rather than just weight will help you stay motivated. These adjustments will promote gradual, sustainable fat loss while ensuring safety and heart health. I wish you healthy and active lifestyle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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