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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 40 years old, in service business. Monthly earning is 1.25 lacs. I have a wife and 2 kids - 6 and 8. Monthly house rent 22k, car loan emi 32k, credit card payments and bill payments, school expenses will need more money than I have by the end of the month. 12 lacs car loan, credit cards 4 lacs, personal loan 4 lacs. What should I go to get out of this rat race apart from making more money? I want to buy a house.

Ans: You’ve done well by identifying the need for financial planning. Your current situation shows that you're proactive and want to take control of your finances. This is an important step towards financial stability and achieving your goals. Your desire to buy a house and get out of the rat race is admirable and achievable with proper planning.

Analyzing Your Financial Situation

At 40 years old, with a family of four, you face typical financial responsibilities. Your income of Rs. 1.25 lakhs per month is decent. However, your current obligations seem to exceed your earnings, causing financial stress.

Your expenses include:

House rent: Rs. 22,000
Car loan EMI: Rs. 32,000
Credit card debt: Rs. 4 lakhs
Personal loan: Rs. 4 lakhs
School expenses and other monthly bills
You have a car loan of Rs. 12 lakhs. Your credit card and personal loan debts are adding financial pressure. This situation makes it difficult to save and plan for a house.

Assessing Debt and Monthly Expenses

Your primary goal should be to manage your debts and monthly expenses. Here’s how you can approach this:

Debt Repayment Strategy

Prioritize High-Interest Debt: Focus on paying off high-interest debts first, such as credit card debt. This will reduce your financial burden over time.

Consolidate Loans: Consider consolidating your debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate. This can simplify repayments and reduce the overall interest burden.

Avoid New Debts: Resist the temptation to take on new loans or use credit cards for unplanned expenses. Stick to your budget and live within your means.

Budgeting

Track Your Spending: Keep a detailed record of your monthly expenses. This will help identify areas where you can cut back.

Create a Realistic Budget: Develop a budget that aligns with your income and financial goals. Include all essential expenses and allocate funds for debt repayment.

Emergency Fund: Build an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This will prevent you from relying on credit cards or loans in times of need.

Expense Management

Cut Unnecessary Expenses: Identify non-essential expenses and cut them. Small savings can add up over time and free up funds for debt repayment and savings.

Negotiate Bills: Talk to service providers to negotiate lower rates for utilities, insurance, and other recurring bills. Every little bit helps.

Investment Strategy

Investing wisely can help you achieve your goal of buying a house and securing your financial future. Here’s how you can approach investments:

Invest in Mutual Funds

Mutual funds offer a good balance of risk and return. They are managed by professionals who make investment decisions on your behalf. Here are some benefits:

Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a variety of assets, reducing risk.

Professional Management: Fund managers have the expertise to make informed investment decisions.

Liquidity: Mutual funds are relatively easy to buy and sell, providing liquidity when needed.

Avoid direct funds due to the complexity of managing them yourself. Instead, invest through a certified financial planner (CFP) who can guide you towards the right funds based on your risk tolerance and goals.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

A SIP is a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Consistency: Regular investments help build a substantial corpus over time.

Rupee Cost Averaging: Investing regularly allows you to buy more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high, averaging out the cost.

Long-Term Goals and Planning

Achieving long-term financial goals requires careful planning and discipline. Here’s how you can approach it:

Children’s Education

Start Early: Begin saving for your children’s education as early as possible. The longer the investment horizon, the more you benefit from compounding.

Education Plans: Consider investing in child education plans offered by mutual funds. They provide the flexibility to withdraw funds as needed for educational expenses.

Retirement Planning

Pension Plans: Look into pension plans that provide regular income after retirement. These plans can supplement your retirement savings.

Regular Investments: Continue investing in mutual funds through SIPs to build a retirement corpus. The goal is to create a portfolio that can provide a steady income during retirement.

Purchasing a House

Buying a house is a significant financial commitment. Here’s how you can prepare:

Save for a Down Payment

Set a Target: Determine the amount you need for a down payment and set a savings target. Aim for at least 20% of the property’s value.

Dedicated Savings Account: Open a dedicated savings account for your house fund. This helps keep your savings goal-focused and separate from other funds.

Assess Affordability

Budget for EMIs: Ensure that your future home loan EMIs fit within your budget. A general rule is that your total EMIs should not exceed 40% of your monthly income.

Consider Additional Costs: Factor in other costs such as maintenance, property tax, and insurance when assessing affordability.

Improve Credit Score

Timely Payments: Pay all your existing loans and credit card bills on time to improve your credit score. A higher score will help you get better loan terms.

Reduce Outstanding Debt: Reducing your overall debt can positively impact your credit score and improve your loan eligibility.

Insurance Planning

Adequate insurance coverage is essential to protect your family’s financial future. Here’s what to consider:

Life Insurance

Term Insurance: Opt for a term insurance plan that provides a high coverage at a low cost. This ensures your family’s financial security in case of an untimely demise.

Sum Assured: Choose a sum assured that can cover your family’s expenses, outstanding debts, and future financial goals.

Health Insurance

Comprehensive Cover: Ensure you have a comprehensive health insurance plan that covers hospitalization, critical illnesses, and regular medical expenses.

Family Floater: Consider a family floater plan that covers all family members under a single policy.

Seeking Professional Guidance

A certified financial planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice and help you navigate your financial challenges. Here’s how they can assist:

Holistic Financial Planning

Customized Plans: A CFP can create a customized financial plan based on your unique circumstances and goals. This plan will outline steps to manage debt, save for future goals, and invest wisely.

Regular Reviews: Regular reviews with a CFP ensure that your financial plan remains aligned with your changing needs and market conditions.

Tax Planning

Tax Efficiency: A CFP can guide you on tax-efficient investments and strategies to minimize your tax liability. This can free up more funds for savings and investments.

Deductions and Exemptions: Utilize available tax deductions and exemptions to reduce your taxable income. For instance, contributions to certain investment plans may qualify for tax benefits.

Final Insights

Achieving financial stability and buying a house requires careful planning and disciplined execution. Here’s a summary of key steps:

Manage Debt: Prioritize and pay off high-interest debts first. Consider consolidating loans to reduce interest burden. Avoid taking on new debts.

Budget Wisely: Track your spending and create a realistic budget. Focus on essential expenses and build an emergency fund.

Invest Wisely: Invest in mutual funds through SIPs for long-term growth. Avoid direct funds and seek guidance from a certified financial planner.

Plan for Goals: Save early for children’s education and retirement. Regular investments can build a substantial corpus over time.

Prepare for Home Purchase: Save for a down payment, assess affordability, and improve your credit score. Plan your future home loan EMIs within your budget.

Ensure Adequate Insurance: Have sufficient life and health insurance coverage to protect your family’s financial future.

Seek Professional Guidance: Consult a certified financial planner for personalized advice and regular reviews of your financial plan.

Remember, financial planning is a journey, not a destination. Stay committed to your plan, make informed decisions, and adjust as needed. With patience and discipline, you can achieve your financial goals and secure a bright future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 03, 2024Hindi
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Money
I earn 50000 pm. Having a 35000 monthly financial Obligation and other borrowings how can I get out of this death trap and save money.
Ans: Managing financial obligations while trying to save money can feel like a daunting task. With a monthly income of Rs. 50,000 and financial obligations of Rs. 35,000, it’s essential to develop a structured approach. This guide will help you understand how to manage your debt, save money, and achieve financial stability.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Monthly Income and Obligations
Monthly Income: Rs. 50,000
Monthly Financial Obligations: Rs. 35,000
Genuine Compliments
Your awareness and proactive approach to improving your financial situation is commendable. Acknowledging the need for change is the first step towards financial freedom.

Step 1: Assess Your Expenses
Categorize Your Expenses
Break down your monthly expenses into fixed and variable costs. Fixed expenses are those that do not change, such as EMIs, rent, and utility bills. Variable expenses include groceries, dining out, and entertainment.

Fixed Expenses
EMIs: Rs. 35,000
Rent
Utilities
Variable Expenses
Groceries
Dining Out
Entertainment
Track Your Spending
Use a budgeting app or a simple spreadsheet to track every expense. This will help identify unnecessary spending and areas where you can cut back.

Step 2: Create a Realistic Budget
Prioritize Essentials
Ensure that your budget covers essential expenses first. These include rent, utilities, groceries, and EMIs.

Allocate for Savings
Even with tight finances, it's crucial to save. Start small, allocating at least 5% of your income to savings. Gradually increase this amount as your financial situation improves.

Reduce Discretionary Spending
Cut back on non-essential spending. Limit dining out, entertainment, and other discretionary expenses until your financial situation improves.

Step 3: Debt Management Strategies
Debt Consolidation
Consider consolidating your debts into a single loan with a lower interest rate. This can reduce your monthly EMI burden and make it easier to manage.

Prioritize High-Interest Debt
Focus on paying off high-interest debts first. This will reduce the total interest you pay and help you become debt-free faster.

Negotiate with Creditors
If you're struggling with payments, talk to your creditors. They may offer extended repayment terms, reduced interest rates, or other relief options.

Step 4: Increase Your Income
Side Hustles
Explore opportunities for additional income. Freelancing, part-time jobs, or monetizing a hobby can provide extra funds to pay off debts and save.

Career Advancement
Invest in your skills and education to advance your career. Higher qualifications and certifications can lead to promotions and salary increases.

Step 5: Build an Emergency Fund
Importance of an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund provides a financial cushion for unexpected expenses. Aim to save at least three to six months’ worth of living expenses.

Start Small
Begin by saving a small amount each month. As your financial situation improves, increase your contributions to the emergency fund.

Step 6: Plan for Future Savings
Set Financial Goals
Set clear, achievable financial goals. Whether it's saving for a vacation, retirement, or a major purchase, having specific goals can motivate you to save more.

Automated Savings
Automate your savings to ensure a portion of your income is saved each month. This reduces the temptation to spend and helps build a habit of saving.

Expected Returns and Investments
Avoid Index Funds
Index funds often have lower returns compared to actively managed funds. Instead, consider mutual funds with professional management to maximize returns.

Regular Investments
Once your financial situation stabilizes, start investing in mutual funds through SIPs. Even small, regular investments can grow significantly over time.

Conclusion
Achieving financial stability requires a combination of disciplined budgeting, effective debt management, and strategic saving and investing. By following these steps, you can manage your financial obligations, save money, and work towards financial freedom. Remember, consistency and patience are key.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 28, 2024

Money
Sir, I am 45 , lost 1 cr in business and shifted to Job profile and earning 24 LPA, have 1 home of 65 Lacs with 40 Lacs home loan , 20 Lakhs Mediclaim Policy , Nil Investment. what is the way ahead . 1. come out of depts urgently. 2. Build up a little for kids . Have 2 kids 9 and 8 yrs . school bit costly . 5 Lacs per Annum .
Ans: You’ve experienced a major financial setback with a business loss of Rs 1 crore and have since transitioned to a job with an annual income of Rs 24 lakh. Currently, you have a home valued at Rs 65 lakh but with an outstanding loan of Rs 40 lakh, and you’ve mentioned a costly school setup for your two children, with an annual fee of Rs 5 lakh. You also have a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy, which provides some security in terms of health coverage. Now, you are keen on clearing your debts, securing your children’s future, and building up a financial cushion.

Given your circumstances, it’s important to prioritize debt repayment, secure your children’s education, and rebuild your financial base. Here’s a step-by-step approach to achieving your goals.

1. Prioritize Debt Repayment
Paying Off the Home Loan
Your home loan of Rs 40 lakh is a significant liability. Considering that you pay Rs 5 lakh annually for your children’s education, this loan will be a major financial burden. However, paying off your home loan aggressively while maintaining your lifestyle is crucial for long-term stability.

Increase EMI Payments: Check if you can increase your home loan EMIs. You could redirect any excess income towards your home loan. Even a small increase in EMI can reduce your overall loan tenure, saving you substantial interest in the long run.

Lump Sum Prepayments: If you get any bonuses or financial windfalls, use them to make lump sum payments towards the principal. This will help reduce the loan quickly.

Refinance Your Home Loan: If your current interest rate is high, consider refinancing the loan to a lower interest rate. Even a small reduction in interest can lead to significant savings over the long term.

2. Build an Emergency Fund
Before starting any investments, you need to establish an emergency fund. This will prevent you from having to take on more debt in case of unforeseen expenses.

Target 6 Months of Living Expenses: Set aside enough money to cover at least 6 months of your family’s living expenses. This should include EMI payments, school fees, and day-to-day expenses. Aim for a fund of Rs 8-10 lakh for emergencies.

Place in a Liquid Fund: You can park this money in a liquid mutual fund or a high-interest savings account. The idea is that it should be easily accessible and provide some returns.

3. Address Kids’ Education
Your children are 9 and 8 years old, and their education is a significant ongoing expense. With annual fees of Rs 5 lakh, the costs are substantial.

Set Up a Dedicated Education Fund: You can begin a systematic investment plan (SIP) in mutual funds dedicated to their future educational needs. Equity mutual funds will provide the best growth over a 10-15 year period, but you’ll need to manage this carefully as they get closer to higher education.

Consider Education Insurance: Although you have a mediclaim policy, an education insurance plan can provide additional coverage in case something happens to you. This will ensure that their education is funded even if you're not around.

4. Start Long-Term Investments for Retirement
Since you have no current investments and a home loan to deal with, start slowly and steadily building your long-term savings. At 45, you have about 15-20 years until retirement, which is enough time to grow a retirement corpus if you act now.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Start with an SIP in equity mutual funds. Equity funds have the potential to give higher returns over the long term, which is crucial given the time frame. You can start small and increase contributions as your financial situation stabilizes.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Consider opening a PPF account. Though it has a lower interest rate compared to equity, it provides tax benefits and a risk-free return. It’s ideal for building a portion of your retirement fund.

Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF): If your company provides EPF (Employee Provident Fund), consider contributing extra to the VPF. This will help build a tax-free retirement corpus.

5. Secure Health and Life Insurance
You already have a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy, which is good. However, with two young children, securing your family’s future through proper life insurance is critical.

Term Insurance: You should get a term insurance policy that covers at least 10 times your annual income. With a Rs 24 lakh annual salary, consider a Rs 2.5-3 crore term policy. This will ensure your family’s financial security if anything happens to you.

Review Mediclaim Policy: With rising medical costs, a Rs 20 lakh mediclaim policy may not be sufficient. Consider increasing the coverage to Rs 30-40 lakh, depending on your budget.

6. Manage Current Lifestyle and Expenses
Your children’s school fees are Rs 5 lakh annually, which is a significant part of your income. You’ll need to make sure that this expense does not derail your financial goals.

Budgeting: Create a strict budget to ensure that you are able to save and invest every month. Keep discretionary spending to a minimum until you are able to stabilize your financial situation.

Avoid Lifestyle Inflation: As your income grows, it’s important to avoid lifestyle inflation (increased spending as income rises). Prioritize savings and investments instead of increasing your standard of living.

7. Rebuild Your Financial Confidence
Given the business loss, it's understandable to feel financial strain, but you’re taking the right steps by focusing on your job and rebuilding your financial base. The key now is to be consistent and disciplined with your finances.

Stay Positive and Committed: You have the earning capacity and time to rebuild your financial portfolio. Stick to your investment and debt repayment strategies, and you’ll find that progress happens gradually.

Focus on Long-Term Goals: Short-term market fluctuations and financial hurdles may cause concern, but your goal should always be long-term financial stability and security for your family.

Final Insights
Focus on Debt Reduction: Prioritize paying off your home loan and avoid new debts. Use any excess income or bonuses to prepay the loan faster.

Build an Emergency Fund: Secure at least 6 months of expenses in an easily accessible emergency fund before you start investing.

Start Investing for Kids’ Education: Start an education fund with SIPs in equity mutual funds. This will help you cover the cost of their higher education.

Plan for Retirement: Begin SIPs in equity funds and open a PPF account for long-term retirement savings. Consider VPF contributions if available.

Secure Your Family: Increase health insurance coverage if needed and take a term insurance policy of Rs 2.5-3 crore for your family’s protection.

With disciplined savings, prudent investments, and focused debt repayment, you will be able to rebuild your financial future and secure your children’s education as well as your retirement.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
Holistic Investment YouTube Channel

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
Money
I have personal of 30Lkah and EMI is 59K and 3 Lakh from App for 29K OD used till 8 lakh and interest paid is 9K 7 credit card with outstanding of 16lakh, My salary is 1.08 Lakh per month, PL and credit EMI itself crossed 130K then i have to pay rent of 16k, School Fees 10k and other food exp, i am not able to manage with single source of income how shall i come out of thus
Ans: Your current financial situation has multiple debt commitments, causing cash flow constraints. This issue can be resolved with structured financial steps. The key is prioritizing expenses, consolidating loans, and ensuring cash flow to cover necessities. Let's examine an approach that simplifies debt management and boosts financial stability.

1. Assessing Your Debts and Commitments

You have personal loans, credit card debt, and an overdraft. High-interest debts like credit cards and personal loans significantly impact your monthly expenses.

Your fixed obligations, including EMIs, rent, school fees, and essential expenses, are higher than your monthly salary. This imbalance needs addressing through focused debt reduction.

Consider consolidating high-interest debts into lower-interest options. This could include refinancing personal loans with lower rates, if available, to reduce the burden of high-interest payments.

2. Prioritizing Debt Payments

Prioritize high-interest debts, especially credit card balances. Credit cards typically carry the highest interest rates, so reducing or eliminating these will immediately lower financial stress.

Aim to pay more than the minimum on high-interest debts. This helps avoid accumulating additional interest charges, allowing more funds for other expenses.

Review each loan’s tenure and interest rate. Try reducing balances on short-term, high-interest loans first, which may ease monthly cash outflow over time.

3. Focused Cash Flow Management

Your monthly income is Rs 1.08 lakh, but fixed expenses exceed your earnings. Focus on generating positive cash flow by setting priorities.

Start by categorizing necessary expenses (e.g., rent, food, and school fees) and debt payments separately. This helps you understand essential cash outflows.

Limit discretionary spending temporarily until you achieve a more manageable financial state. Redirect any small savings toward debt reduction.

4. Increasing Your Income Sources

With a single income source, it can be challenging to meet all obligations. Explore additional income sources, such as freelance or part-time work, that fit your skills and schedule.

Consider opportunities within your workplace that might offer overtime or project-based incentives. Even small additional amounts can help cover essentials or support debt payments.

Another potential source is liquidating non-essential assets, such as unused electronics, jewelry, or investments, and channeling those funds toward debt reduction.

5. Reviewing Monthly Budget and Expense Cuts

Rent and school fees are fixed, but some flexibility in food and utility costs might provide savings. Keep these expenses within defined limits.

Set a target for savings on regular expenses, even if small. For example, 5-10% savings in these areas could help with debt servicing.

Track every rupee you spend, adjusting the budget monthly to ensure you stay within limits. This discipline helps in preventing unnecessary spending and redirects funds towards debt repayment.

6. Building a Contingency Plan

Set aside a minimal emergency fund, even if it’s Rs 5,000–10,000, to avoid credit card dependency during emergencies.

Any unexpected income, such as bonuses or gifts, should be allocated primarily towards debt reduction until obligations are more manageable.

Once your debt burden is reduced, aim to build an emergency fund that covers at least three months of essential expenses to prevent similar situations in the future.

7. Negotiating with Creditors for Relief

Approach your creditors, especially credit card companies, for possible interest rate reductions or restructuring options. Sometimes, they may offer relief on interest rates or payment flexibility for loyal customers.

For the overdraft and personal loan, inquire with your bank about reducing interest rates or switching to a secured loan. Lower rates mean lower monthly interest payments.

Keep communication open with all creditors, showing your commitment to repayment. This proactive approach may result in temporary relief or adjustments.

8. Reassessing Investment Goals and Plans

Focus primarily on paying off debt rather than investing during this period. Avoid any new investments or purchases until debt levels are manageable.

If you have small savings or assets, consider using them strategically to clear high-interest debts. This is a temporary measure and should be replaced by a renewed savings plan once debt obligations reduce.

Avoid risky investments like direct stocks or schemes promising quick returns. Stable and disciplined debt repayment is the priority.

9. Simplifying Credit Card Management

Limit your active credit cards to one or two with the lowest interest rates. This reduces the complexity of managing multiple due dates and payments.

Avoid making new purchases on credit cards. Switch to cash or debit card transactions for routine expenses to prevent adding to the outstanding balances.

Create a repayment plan targeting credit cards with the highest interest first. Small but consistent payments will gradually lower your overall balance.

10. Financial Discipline and Goal Setting

Financial discipline is key here. Set monthly targets to clear small portions of debt and ensure strict budget adherence.

Write down clear, achievable goals, like reducing credit card debt by 20% over the next six months. Achieving these smaller goals boosts motivation.

Reward yourself (in small ways) when you meet each target. This positive reinforcement keeps you motivated and helps maintain discipline.

11. Long-Term Financial Health

Once debt is under control, focus on rebuilding your financial base. Prioritize creating an emergency fund, then consider stable, low-risk investments.

Avoid high-interest debts in the future. If a loan is needed, look for the lowest interest option and evaluate its necessity.

Learn from this experience to maintain a balanced approach between income, expenses, and debt. This practice helps in long-term financial stability.

Finally

Managing high debts with a limited income is challenging but achievable with a structured plan. Focus on paying high-interest debts first, manage expenses, and explore additional income sources. Consistent budgeting and financial discipline will ease your journey. Stay focused, and over time, financial stability will be within reach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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