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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
ankit Question by ankit on Feb 16, 2024Hindi
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I am a 34-year-old individual with a balance of 1.75 crore INR in my savings account. As of now i do not have other investment also I have no outstanding debts and am looking to invest this amount wisely. My investment goals are twofold: firstly, to secure 1 crore INR for my daughter's future when she turns 18, and secondly, to generate a monthly income to cover my expenses, which currently amount to 85,000 INR per month. I am willing to allocate my investment across different risk profiles as follows: 25 lakhs INR in high-risk investments, 50 lakhs INR in medium-risk investments, and the remaining 1 crore INR in moderate-risk investments. Could you please advise me on a comprehensive investment strategy considering my goals and risk profile? Specifically, I am seeking guidance on asset allocation, investment vehicles, and any other considerations to achieve both capital growth and income generation.

Ans: With your substantial savings and clear goals, you're in a good position to craft a comprehensive investment strategy. Let's delve into a tailored approach.

For securing 1 crore INR for your daughter's future, a mix of moderate to low-risk investments could be ideal. Consider diversified mutual funds, fixed deposits, and possibly some portion in government schemes like PPF or Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana for her education fund. These avenues offer stability and reasonable returns over the long term.

To generate a monthly income of 85,000 INR, we need to focus on income-generating assets.Equity funds can indeed play a significant role in your investment strategy, especially for capital growth. Given your preference for equity, let's adjust the allocation accordingly.

For high-risk investments, you might consider allocating a substantial portion to diversified equity funds or sector-specific equity funds. These have the potential for higher returns over the long term but come with higher volatility.

In the medium-risk category, you can continue to diversify with a mix of balanced funds, which invest in a combination of equities and debt instruments. These can offer a balance between growth and stability.

For moderate-risk investments, you could include large-cap equity funds, which invest in well-established companies with stable earnings. Additionally, consider mid-cap and small-cap equity funds for potential higher returns, albeit with higher risk.

Remember, while equity funds offer growth potential, they also carry market risk. It's crucial to maintain a diversified portfolio across asset classes to mitigate risk.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can help fine-tune your allocation and select the right equity funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon. By incorporating equity funds alongside other investment vehicles, you can pursue both capital growth and income generation effectively.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Money
I am a 34-year-old individual with a balance of 1.75 crore INR in my savings account. I have no outstanding debts and am looking to invest this amount wisely. My investment goals are twofold: firstly, to secure 1 crore INR for my daughter's future when she turns 18, and secondly, to generate a monthly income to cover my expenses, which currently amount to 85,000 INR per month. I am willing to allocate my investment across different risk profiles as follows: 25 lakhs INR in high-risk investments, 50 lakhs INR in medium-risk investments, and the remaining 1 crore INR in moderate-risk investments. Could you please advise me on a comprehensive investment strategy considering my goals and risk profile? Specifically, I am seeking guidance on asset allocation, investment vehicles, and any other considerations to achieve both capital growth and income generation.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your detailed financial goals and risk profile. Let's create a comprehensive investment strategy tailored to your needs and preferences. Your primary objectives are to secure Rs 1 crore for your daughter's future and generate a monthly income of Rs 85,000.

1. Understanding Your Financial Goals and Risk Profile
Your investment goals are twofold:

Securing Rs 1 crore for your daughter's future when she turns 18.
Generating a monthly income of Rs 85,000 to cover your current expenses.
You are willing to allocate your investment across different risk profiles:

High-risk investments: Rs 25 lakhs
Medium-risk investments: Rs 50 lakhs
Moderate-risk investments: Rs 1 crore
This diversified approach helps balance potential high returns with stability and safety.

2. Asset Allocation Strategy
Asset allocation is crucial in achieving your financial goals. Here is a recommended strategy:

High-Risk Investments: Rs 25 Lakhs
High-risk investments have the potential for high returns but come with significant volatility. Consider the following options:

Equity Mutual Funds: These funds invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns. Choose actively managed funds with a good track record.

Stocks: Direct investment in stocks of well-researched companies. Focus on growth stocks in emerging sectors.

Sectoral Funds: These funds invest in specific sectors like technology or healthcare, which can offer high growth.

Medium-Risk Investments: Rs 50 Lakhs
Medium-risk investments offer a balance between risk and return. Consider these options:

Balanced Mutual Funds: These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments, providing moderate growth with lower volatility.

Corporate Bonds: Investment-grade corporate bonds offer higher returns than government securities with moderate risk.

Hybrid Funds: These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt, offering a balanced approach to growth and income.

Moderate-Risk Investments: Rs 1 Crore
Moderate-risk investments prioritize safety while providing reasonable returns. Consider these options:

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds invest in government securities, corporate bonds, and other debt instruments, providing stable returns.

Fixed Deposits: Bank fixed deposits are safe and offer guaranteed returns, though the interest rates are lower.

PPF (Public Provident Fund): A long-term investment with tax-free returns and government backing, ensuring safety and moderate returns.

3. Investment Vehicles and Their Benefits
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds are managed by professionals who invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks. They offer the potential for high returns over the long term. Actively managed funds tend to outperform passive index funds due to professional management.

Stocks
Direct investment in stocks can be rewarding but requires extensive research and monitoring. Investing in well-established companies with a strong track record can help achieve significant capital appreciation.

Sectoral Funds
Sectoral funds focus on specific industries with high growth potential. These funds can provide high returns if the chosen sector performs well but can also be volatile.

Balanced Mutual Funds
Balanced mutual funds provide a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return. They are suitable for medium-risk investors seeking growth with lower volatility.

Corporate Bonds
Corporate bonds offer higher returns than government securities and are less volatile than equities. Investing in high-rated bonds ensures moderate risk with steady returns.

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in a combination of equity and debt, providing diversification and balanced growth. They are suitable for medium-risk investors.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities, offering stability and moderate returns. They are suitable for conservative investors.

Fixed Deposits
Fixed deposits are one of the safest investment options, providing guaranteed returns. They are ideal for risk-averse investors seeking stable income.

PPF (Public Provident Fund)
PPF is a long-term investment option with tax-free returns. It is backed by the government, ensuring safety and moderate returns.

4. Generating Monthly Income
To generate a monthly income of Rs 85,000, consider a combination of the following:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): From your debt and balanced mutual funds, you can set up an SWP to withdraw a fixed amount regularly. This provides a steady income while keeping your principal invested.

Dividends from Equity Investments: Dividend-paying stocks and mutual funds can provide a regular income. However, dividends can fluctuate based on company performance.

Interest from Debt Investments: Fixed deposits, corporate bonds, and debt mutual funds provide regular interest income. This can be a reliable source of monthly cash flow.

5. Securing Rs 1 Crore for Your Daughter's Future
To secure Rs 1 crore for your daughter's future, focus on long-term growth investments:

Equity Mutual Funds and Stocks: Allocate a significant portion of the high-risk and medium-risk investments here. Over a long period, equities tend to outperform other asset classes.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Continue or start SIPs in equity mutual funds. SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and build a substantial corpus over time.

Child-specific Mutual Funds: Consider investing in mutual funds designed for children's future needs. These funds have a lock-in period and provide disciplined savings.

6. Review and Rebalance Your Portfolio
Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio ensures it remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. Here are some steps to consider:

Annual Review: Evaluate the performance of your investments annually. Make adjustments based on changes in market conditions and your financial goals.

Rebalancing: Adjust the allocation between high-risk, medium-risk, and moderate-risk investments to maintain your desired risk profile.

Diversification: Ensure your portfolio is diversified across different asset classes to minimize risk and maximize returns.

7. Other Considerations
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and invested in liquid instruments like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.

Tax Planning
Consider the tax implications of your investments. Opt for tax-efficient instruments and strategies to minimize your tax liability. ELSS funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C, while PPF provides tax-free returns.

Financial Education
Stay informed about financial markets and investment options. Continuous learning helps make better investment decisions. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice.

Conclusion
You have a substantial amount to invest and clear financial goals. A diversified approach across high-risk, medium-risk, and moderate-risk investments will help you achieve your objectives. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track. Prioritize your daughter's future and your monthly income needs while considering tax efficiency and emergency preparedness.

Investing wisely today secures your financial future and ensures you can achieve your goals with confidence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

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Dear Gurus, I am a 23-year-old with a monthly income of ?49,000. I am keen to initiate an investment strategy, allocating ?6,000 to ?8,000 per month, with a gradual increase over time. I currently possess a fixed deposit of ?50,000. Kindly provide guidance on suitable investment goals and strategies.
Ans: Financial Situation Overview

• Your monthly income of Rs. 49,000 is good for your age.
• Planning to invest Rs. 6,000 to Rs. 8,000 monthly is commendable.
• Having a fixed deposit of Rs. 50,000 shows you're saving.




Investment Goals

• Short-term goals: Build emergency fund (3-6 months of expenses).
• Medium-term goals: Down payment for house, higher education, etc.
• Long-term goals: Retirement planning, wealth creation.




Risk Assessment

• At 23, you can take higher risks for better long-term returns.
• Your risk appetite may be high due to fewer responsibilities.
• Consider aggressive growth-oriented investment options.




Asset Allocation Strategy

• Start with 70-80% in equity and 30-20% in debt.
• Gradually reduce equity exposure as you grow older.
• Review and rebalance your portfolio annually.




Investment Options

• Mutual Funds: Good for long-term wealth creation.
• Public Provident Fund (PPF): For tax-saving and steady returns.
• Employees' Provident Fund (EPF): If available through employer.




Mutual Fund Strategy

• Start with a mix of large-cap and mid-cap funds.
• Consider multi-cap funds for diversification.
• Opt for Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) for disciplined investing.




Tax-saving Investments

• Equity Linked Saving Schemes (ELSS) for tax benefits.
• PPF contributions also qualify for Section 80C benefits.
• National Pension System (NPS) for additional tax benefits.




Emergency Fund

• Keep 3-6 months of expenses in a separate savings account.
• This fund should be easily accessible in case of emergencies.




Insurance Planning

• Get a term life insurance policy for financial protection.
• Opt for health insurance to cover medical emergencies.




Debt Management

• Avoid taking unnecessary loans or credit card debt.
• If you have any high-interest debts, prioritize paying them off.




Financial Discipline

• Track your expenses and create a monthly budget.
• Gradually increase your investment amount as your income grows.
• Avoid unnecessary expenses and focus on saving more.




Skill Development

• Invest in yourself by learning new skills.
• This can lead to higher income and better career prospects.




Regular Review

• Review your investment portfolio every 6 months.
• Adjust your strategy based on changing goals and market conditions.




Finally

• Your early start in investing is praiseworthy.
• Stay disciplined and consistent with your investments.
• Keep learning about personal finance and investment options.
• Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir. I need your advise related to my portfolio and investment strategy. Currently I have around 2.7cr in FD / Bonds, 1.2cr in MF as current value, 37 lacs in equity which is mostly used for short term investment in shares, 15lacs in gold, 27lacs as bank balance. I have a monthly SIP of 35k which is actively managed by experts. I have my own house valued at 1.3cr and 1 son who I plan to send abroad for studies next year. The MF are spread across all asset classes. As I am NRI, I don't pay any tax on FD / Bonds. I need a corpus of around 10cr to retire in next 8 years. I have no other liabilities. Please can you advise a strategy to achieve this retirement goal.
Ans: First, congratulations on building a substantial and diversified portfolio. Your assets include Rs 2.7 crore in fixed deposits and bonds, Rs 1.2 crore in mutual funds, Rs 37 lakh in equity for short-term investments, Rs 15 lakh in gold, and Rs 27 lakh as a bank balance. You own a house valued at Rs 1.3 crore, and you have a clear goal to send your son abroad for his studies next year. Additionally, you are aiming to accumulate Rs 10 crore in the next 8 years for your retirement. Your existing investments are spread across various asset classes, and you have a Rs 35,000 monthly SIP that is professionally managed. As an NRI, your income from fixed deposits and bonds is tax-free, adding a significant advantage to your financial planning.

Given your current assets and retirement goal, a well-planned investment strategy is essential to achieve financial independence within your desired timeline.

Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Fixed Deposits and Bonds:

You have Rs 2.7 crore in fixed deposits and bonds, which are providing stability and safety. As an NRI, you are not paying tax on the interest income from these instruments, which enhances their net returns. However, these are relatively low-yielding investments, and their returns may not keep pace with inflation over the long term.

Consider whether these funds are appropriately diversified across different types of bonds (e.g., government, corporate) and fixed deposits to maximize returns while maintaining safety.

Mutual Funds:

Your Rs 1.2 crore in mutual funds is well-diversified across all asset classes. Mutual funds offer a balanced approach to wealth creation with the potential for higher returns than fixed deposits and bonds. Since your SIPs are actively managed, you benefit from expert oversight, which helps optimize your returns and manage risk.

It’s important to review your mutual fund portfolio regularly to ensure that it continues to align with your retirement goals. Given the long-term horizon, consider maintaining a higher allocation in equity funds, which tend to offer superior returns over time compared to debt funds.

Equity Investments:

You have Rs 37 lakh in equity, which you use primarily for short-term investments. Equity investments offer the highest potential returns among asset classes but also come with higher volatility. Since these are for short-term gains, ensure that you are not overexposed to market risks that could negatively impact your overall portfolio.

If you consistently achieve positive returns, this portion of your portfolio can contribute significantly to your retirement corpus. However, short-term market volatility could be challenging, so it’s wise to manage this segment carefully.

Gold:

Your Rs 15 lakh investment in gold provides a hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations. Gold tends to perform well during periods of economic uncertainty, making it a valuable part of your portfolio. However, gold generally does not generate income, so it should remain a smaller portion of your overall investment strategy.

Consider holding gold in a way that minimizes storage and insurance costs, such as through Sovereign Gold Bonds or gold ETFs, rather than physical gold.

Bank Balance:

You have Rs 27 lakh as a bank balance, which provides liquidity for any immediate needs or emergencies. This is an essential part of your financial security, but holding too much in cash can be counterproductive due to inflation eroding its value over time.

Consider maintaining enough cash to cover 6 to 12 months of expenses and redeploy the excess into higher-yielding investments.

Strategic Recommendations for Retirement Planning
Increase Equity Exposure:

Given your 8-year retirement horizon, it’s advisable to increase your allocation to equities. Historically, equities have outperformed other asset classes over long periods, making them an essential part of any retirement plan aiming for significant growth.

Consider reallocating a portion of your fixed deposits and bonds into equity mutual funds or direct equity. Since your SIPs are already professionally managed, continue with this approach but consider increasing the monthly contribution to accelerate your corpus growth.

Maximize the Potential of Mutual Funds:

Your mutual funds are already spread across all asset classes, which is good for diversification. However, to achieve a Rs 10 crore corpus, you may need to enhance your exposure to growth-oriented equity funds.

Consider increasing your SIP amount or making additional lump-sum investments when the market presents buying opportunities. Regular reviews with your Certified Financial Planner (CFP) will help ensure that your portfolio stays aligned with your goals.

Short-Term Equity Strategy:

Your short-term equity investments can be beneficial, but they should not distract from your long-term retirement strategy. Ensure that the profits from these investments are periodically reallocated to your long-term portfolio to contribute to your retirement corpus.

Keep a disciplined approach to profit booking and reinvestment, so that short-term gains effectively contribute to your long-term goals.

Optimize Fixed Deposits and Bonds:

While fixed deposits and bonds provide safety, they may not offer the returns needed to grow your corpus to Rs 10 crore in 8 years. Consider reducing your exposure to these low-yielding instruments and redirecting those funds into higher-growth investments, particularly equities and equity-oriented mutual funds.

If you prefer the safety of fixed-income instruments, explore bonds or debt funds that offer higher yields, such as corporate bonds or dynamic bond funds. However, ensure these fit within your overall risk tolerance.

Maintain Sufficient Liquidity:

Keep your bank balance at a level that covers immediate needs and potential emergencies. Any excess can be invested in liquid funds or ultra-short-term debt funds, which offer slightly better returns than a savings account while maintaining liquidity.

Liquid funds can also serve as a parking space for funds before they are deployed into other investments, ensuring your money works for you at all times.

Focus on Tax Efficiency:

As an NRI, your tax-free status on fixed deposits and bonds is advantageous. However, consider the tax implications of your other investments, such as equity and mutual funds, especially when repatriating funds.

Work with your CFP to structure your investments in a tax-efficient manner, which could involve utilizing tax-saving instruments or investing in locations with favorable tax treaties.

Prepare for Your Son’s Education:

Since your son’s education abroad is a priority, ensure that the funds required for this purpose are readily accessible and not subject to market volatility. Consider using your bank balance or a portion of your fixed deposits to cover these expenses.

You may also consider an education loan if needed, which can provide tax benefits on the interest paid and allow your investments to continue growing.

Retirement Corpus Calculation and Strategy
Set a Target Growth Rate:

To achieve a Rs 10 crore corpus in 8 years, you need a disciplined investment approach. The target growth rate will depend on the current value of your investments and the additional contributions you can make.

Considering your substantial existing portfolio, aim for a balanced growth rate that reflects a mix of equities, debt, and alternative investments. Your CFP can help you set realistic expectations based on historical performance and market conditions.

Regular Portfolio Reviews:

Regularly review your portfolio’s performance with your CFP. This allows you to adjust your strategy based on market conditions, your financial situation, and any changes in your goals.

Ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and that your investments are working effectively towards your retirement target.

Stay Disciplined with Investments:

Avoid making impulsive investment decisions based on short-term market movements. A disciplined, long-term approach is key to achieving your retirement goal.

Stick to your SIPs, regularly review your portfolio, and adjust your investments based on your progress towards the Rs 10 crore target.

Final Insights
You have a well-diversified and substantial portfolio that positions you well to achieve your retirement goal of Rs 10 crore in 8 years. However, optimizing your strategy with increased equity exposure, a focus on tax efficiency, and regular portfolio reviews will enhance your chances of success. By maintaining a disciplined investment approach and working closely with your Certified Financial Planner, you can achieve your retirement goals while ensuring your financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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