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Jinal

Jinal Mehta  |95 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 25, 2024

Jinal Mehta is a qualified certified financial professional certified by FPSB India. She has 10 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
She is the founder of Beyond Learning Finance, an authorised education provider for the CFP certification programme in India.
In addition, she manages a family office organisation, where she handles investment planning, tax planning, insurance planning and estate planning.
Jinal has a bachelor's degree in management studies. She also has a diploma in in financial management from NMIMS, Mumbai.
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ankit Question by ankit on Feb 16, 2024Hindi
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I am a 34-year-old individual with a balance of 1.75 crore INR in my savings account. I have no outstanding debts and am looking to invest this amount wisely. My investment goals are twofold: firstly, to secure 1 crore INR for my daughter's future when she turns 18, and secondly, to generate a monthly income to cover my expenses, which currently amount to 100,000 INR per month. I am willing to allocate my investment across different risk profiles as follows: 25 lakhs INR in high-risk investments, 50 lakhs INR in medium-risk investments, and the remaining 1 crore INR in moderate-risk investments. Could you please advise me on a comprehensive investment strategy considering my goals and risk profile? Specifically, I am seeking guidance on asset allocation, investment vehicles, and any other considerations to achieve both capital growth and income generation.

Ans: The information that you have provided is inadequate. You need to evaluate your goals vis-a-vis your income , expenses and other parameter. we would recommend that you approach a qualified professional to achieve your objective.
Asked on - Feb 25, 2024 | Not Answered yet
Thanks Jinal Mehta, Please let know if you need more information from my side. Feel free to ask me. I will share the information needed from my side.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Money
I am a 34-year-old individual with a balance of 1.75 crore INR in my savings account. I have no outstanding debts and am looking to invest this amount wisely. My investment goals are twofold: firstly, to secure 1 crore INR for my daughter's future when she turns 18, and secondly, to generate a monthly income to cover my expenses, which currently amount to 85,000 INR per month. I am willing to allocate my investment across different risk profiles as follows: 25 lakhs INR in high-risk investments, 50 lakhs INR in medium-risk investments, and the remaining 1 crore INR in moderate-risk investments. Could you please advise me on a comprehensive investment strategy considering my goals and risk profile? Specifically, I am seeking guidance on asset allocation, investment vehicles, and any other considerations to achieve both capital growth and income generation.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your detailed financial goals and risk profile. Let's create a comprehensive investment strategy tailored to your needs and preferences. Your primary objectives are to secure Rs 1 crore for your daughter's future and generate a monthly income of Rs 85,000.

1. Understanding Your Financial Goals and Risk Profile
Your investment goals are twofold:

Securing Rs 1 crore for your daughter's future when she turns 18.
Generating a monthly income of Rs 85,000 to cover your current expenses.
You are willing to allocate your investment across different risk profiles:

High-risk investments: Rs 25 lakhs
Medium-risk investments: Rs 50 lakhs
Moderate-risk investments: Rs 1 crore
This diversified approach helps balance potential high returns with stability and safety.

2. Asset Allocation Strategy
Asset allocation is crucial in achieving your financial goals. Here is a recommended strategy:

High-Risk Investments: Rs 25 Lakhs
High-risk investments have the potential for high returns but come with significant volatility. Consider the following options:

Equity Mutual Funds: These funds invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns. Choose actively managed funds with a good track record.

Stocks: Direct investment in stocks of well-researched companies. Focus on growth stocks in emerging sectors.

Sectoral Funds: These funds invest in specific sectors like technology or healthcare, which can offer high growth.

Medium-Risk Investments: Rs 50 Lakhs
Medium-risk investments offer a balance between risk and return. Consider these options:

Balanced Mutual Funds: These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments, providing moderate growth with lower volatility.

Corporate Bonds: Investment-grade corporate bonds offer higher returns than government securities with moderate risk.

Hybrid Funds: These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt, offering a balanced approach to growth and income.

Moderate-Risk Investments: Rs 1 Crore
Moderate-risk investments prioritize safety while providing reasonable returns. Consider these options:

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds invest in government securities, corporate bonds, and other debt instruments, providing stable returns.

Fixed Deposits: Bank fixed deposits are safe and offer guaranteed returns, though the interest rates are lower.

PPF (Public Provident Fund): A long-term investment with tax-free returns and government backing, ensuring safety and moderate returns.

3. Investment Vehicles and Their Benefits
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds are managed by professionals who invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks. They offer the potential for high returns over the long term. Actively managed funds tend to outperform passive index funds due to professional management.

Stocks
Direct investment in stocks can be rewarding but requires extensive research and monitoring. Investing in well-established companies with a strong track record can help achieve significant capital appreciation.

Sectoral Funds
Sectoral funds focus on specific industries with high growth potential. These funds can provide high returns if the chosen sector performs well but can also be volatile.

Balanced Mutual Funds
Balanced mutual funds provide a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return. They are suitable for medium-risk investors seeking growth with lower volatility.

Corporate Bonds
Corporate bonds offer higher returns than government securities and are less volatile than equities. Investing in high-rated bonds ensures moderate risk with steady returns.

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in a combination of equity and debt, providing diversification and balanced growth. They are suitable for medium-risk investors.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities, offering stability and moderate returns. They are suitable for conservative investors.

Fixed Deposits
Fixed deposits are one of the safest investment options, providing guaranteed returns. They are ideal for risk-averse investors seeking stable income.

PPF (Public Provident Fund)
PPF is a long-term investment option with tax-free returns. It is backed by the government, ensuring safety and moderate returns.

4. Generating Monthly Income
To generate a monthly income of Rs 85,000, consider a combination of the following:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): From your debt and balanced mutual funds, you can set up an SWP to withdraw a fixed amount regularly. This provides a steady income while keeping your principal invested.

Dividends from Equity Investments: Dividend-paying stocks and mutual funds can provide a regular income. However, dividends can fluctuate based on company performance.

Interest from Debt Investments: Fixed deposits, corporate bonds, and debt mutual funds provide regular interest income. This can be a reliable source of monthly cash flow.

5. Securing Rs 1 Crore for Your Daughter's Future
To secure Rs 1 crore for your daughter's future, focus on long-term growth investments:

Equity Mutual Funds and Stocks: Allocate a significant portion of the high-risk and medium-risk investments here. Over a long period, equities tend to outperform other asset classes.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Continue or start SIPs in equity mutual funds. SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and build a substantial corpus over time.

Child-specific Mutual Funds: Consider investing in mutual funds designed for children's future needs. These funds have a lock-in period and provide disciplined savings.

6. Review and Rebalance Your Portfolio
Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio ensures it remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. Here are some steps to consider:

Annual Review: Evaluate the performance of your investments annually. Make adjustments based on changes in market conditions and your financial goals.

Rebalancing: Adjust the allocation between high-risk, medium-risk, and moderate-risk investments to maintain your desired risk profile.

Diversification: Ensure your portfolio is diversified across different asset classes to minimize risk and maximize returns.

7. Other Considerations
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and invested in liquid instruments like savings accounts or liquid mutual funds.

Tax Planning
Consider the tax implications of your investments. Opt for tax-efficient instruments and strategies to minimize your tax liability. ELSS funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C, while PPF provides tax-free returns.

Financial Education
Stay informed about financial markets and investment options. Continuous learning helps make better investment decisions. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice.

Conclusion
You have a substantial amount to invest and clear financial goals. A diversified approach across high-risk, medium-risk, and moderate-risk investments will help you achieve your objectives. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track. Prioritize your daughter's future and your monthly income needs while considering tax efficiency and emergency preparedness.

Investing wisely today secures your financial future and ensures you can achieve your goals with confidence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

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I am a 34-year-old individual with a balance of 1.75 crore INR in my savings account. As of now i do not have other investment also I have no outstanding debts and am looking to invest this amount wisely. My investment goals are twofold: firstly, to secure 1 crore INR for my daughter's future when she turns 18, and secondly, to generate a monthly income to cover my expenses, which currently amount to 85,000 INR per month. I am willing to allocate my investment across different risk profiles as follows: 25 lakhs INR in high-risk investments, 50 lakhs INR in medium-risk investments, and the remaining 1 crore INR in moderate-risk investments. Could you please advise me on a comprehensive investment strategy considering my goals and risk profile? Specifically, I am seeking guidance on asset allocation, investment vehicles, and any other considerations to achieve both capital growth and income generation.
Ans: With your substantial savings and clear goals, you're in a good position to craft a comprehensive investment strategy. Let's delve into a tailored approach.

For securing 1 crore INR for your daughter's future, a mix of moderate to low-risk investments could be ideal. Consider diversified mutual funds, fixed deposits, and possibly some portion in government schemes like PPF or Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana for her education fund. These avenues offer stability and reasonable returns over the long term.

To generate a monthly income of 85,000 INR, we need to focus on income-generating assets.Equity funds can indeed play a significant role in your investment strategy, especially for capital growth. Given your preference for equity, let's adjust the allocation accordingly.

For high-risk investments, you might consider allocating a substantial portion to diversified equity funds or sector-specific equity funds. These have the potential for higher returns over the long term but come with higher volatility.

In the medium-risk category, you can continue to diversify with a mix of balanced funds, which invest in a combination of equities and debt instruments. These can offer a balance between growth and stability.

For moderate-risk investments, you could include large-cap equity funds, which invest in well-established companies with stable earnings. Additionally, consider mid-cap and small-cap equity funds for potential higher returns, albeit with higher risk.

Remember, while equity funds offer growth potential, they also carry market risk. It's crucial to maintain a diversified portfolio across asset classes to mitigate risk.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can help fine-tune your allocation and select the right equity funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon. By incorporating equity funds alongside other investment vehicles, you can pursue both capital growth and income generation effectively.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

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Dear Gurus, I am a 23-year-old with a monthly income of ?49,000. I am keen to initiate an investment strategy, allocating ?6,000 to ?8,000 per month, with a gradual increase over time. I currently possess a fixed deposit of ?50,000. Kindly provide guidance on suitable investment goals and strategies.
Ans: Financial Situation Overview

• Your monthly income of Rs. 49,000 is good for your age.
• Planning to invest Rs. 6,000 to Rs. 8,000 monthly is commendable.
• Having a fixed deposit of Rs. 50,000 shows you're saving.




Investment Goals

• Short-term goals: Build emergency fund (3-6 months of expenses).
• Medium-term goals: Down payment for house, higher education, etc.
• Long-term goals: Retirement planning, wealth creation.




Risk Assessment

• At 23, you can take higher risks for better long-term returns.
• Your risk appetite may be high due to fewer responsibilities.
• Consider aggressive growth-oriented investment options.




Asset Allocation Strategy

• Start with 70-80% in equity and 30-20% in debt.
• Gradually reduce equity exposure as you grow older.
• Review and rebalance your portfolio annually.




Investment Options

• Mutual Funds: Good for long-term wealth creation.
• Public Provident Fund (PPF): For tax-saving and steady returns.
• Employees' Provident Fund (EPF): If available through employer.




Mutual Fund Strategy

• Start with a mix of large-cap and mid-cap funds.
• Consider multi-cap funds for diversification.
• Opt for Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) for disciplined investing.




Tax-saving Investments

• Equity Linked Saving Schemes (ELSS) for tax benefits.
• PPF contributions also qualify for Section 80C benefits.
• National Pension System (NPS) for additional tax benefits.




Emergency Fund

• Keep 3-6 months of expenses in a separate savings account.
• This fund should be easily accessible in case of emergencies.




Insurance Planning

• Get a term life insurance policy for financial protection.
• Opt for health insurance to cover medical emergencies.




Debt Management

• Avoid taking unnecessary loans or credit card debt.
• If you have any high-interest debts, prioritize paying them off.




Financial Discipline

• Track your expenses and create a monthly budget.
• Gradually increase your investment amount as your income grows.
• Avoid unnecessary expenses and focus on saving more.




Skill Development

• Invest in yourself by learning new skills.
• This can lead to higher income and better career prospects.




Regular Review

• Review your investment portfolio every 6 months.
• Adjust your strategy based on changing goals and market conditions.




Finally

• Your early start in investing is praiseworthy.
• Stay disciplined and consistent with your investments.
• Keep learning about personal finance and investment options.
• Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 30, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir. I need your advise related to my portfolio and investment strategy. Currently I have around 2.7cr in FD / Bonds, 1.2cr in MF as current value, 37 lacs in equity which is mostly used for short term investment in shares, 15lacs in gold, 27lacs as bank balance. I have a monthly SIP of 35k which is actively managed by experts. I have my own house valued at 1.3cr and 1 son who I plan to send abroad for studies next year. The MF are spread across all asset classes. As I am NRI, I don't pay any tax on FD / Bonds. I need a corpus of around 10cr to retire in next 8 years. I have no other liabilities. Please can you advise a strategy to achieve this retirement goal.
Ans: First, congratulations on building a substantial and diversified portfolio. Your assets include Rs 2.7 crore in fixed deposits and bonds, Rs 1.2 crore in mutual funds, Rs 37 lakh in equity for short-term investments, Rs 15 lakh in gold, and Rs 27 lakh as a bank balance. You own a house valued at Rs 1.3 crore, and you have a clear goal to send your son abroad for his studies next year. Additionally, you are aiming to accumulate Rs 10 crore in the next 8 years for your retirement. Your existing investments are spread across various asset classes, and you have a Rs 35,000 monthly SIP that is professionally managed. As an NRI, your income from fixed deposits and bonds is tax-free, adding a significant advantage to your financial planning.

Given your current assets and retirement goal, a well-planned investment strategy is essential to achieve financial independence within your desired timeline.

Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Fixed Deposits and Bonds:

You have Rs 2.7 crore in fixed deposits and bonds, which are providing stability and safety. As an NRI, you are not paying tax on the interest income from these instruments, which enhances their net returns. However, these are relatively low-yielding investments, and their returns may not keep pace with inflation over the long term.

Consider whether these funds are appropriately diversified across different types of bonds (e.g., government, corporate) and fixed deposits to maximize returns while maintaining safety.

Mutual Funds:

Your Rs 1.2 crore in mutual funds is well-diversified across all asset classes. Mutual funds offer a balanced approach to wealth creation with the potential for higher returns than fixed deposits and bonds. Since your SIPs are actively managed, you benefit from expert oversight, which helps optimize your returns and manage risk.

It’s important to review your mutual fund portfolio regularly to ensure that it continues to align with your retirement goals. Given the long-term horizon, consider maintaining a higher allocation in equity funds, which tend to offer superior returns over time compared to debt funds.

Equity Investments:

You have Rs 37 lakh in equity, which you use primarily for short-term investments. Equity investments offer the highest potential returns among asset classes but also come with higher volatility. Since these are for short-term gains, ensure that you are not overexposed to market risks that could negatively impact your overall portfolio.

If you consistently achieve positive returns, this portion of your portfolio can contribute significantly to your retirement corpus. However, short-term market volatility could be challenging, so it’s wise to manage this segment carefully.

Gold:

Your Rs 15 lakh investment in gold provides a hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations. Gold tends to perform well during periods of economic uncertainty, making it a valuable part of your portfolio. However, gold generally does not generate income, so it should remain a smaller portion of your overall investment strategy.

Consider holding gold in a way that minimizes storage and insurance costs, such as through Sovereign Gold Bonds or gold ETFs, rather than physical gold.

Bank Balance:

You have Rs 27 lakh as a bank balance, which provides liquidity for any immediate needs or emergencies. This is an essential part of your financial security, but holding too much in cash can be counterproductive due to inflation eroding its value over time.

Consider maintaining enough cash to cover 6 to 12 months of expenses and redeploy the excess into higher-yielding investments.

Strategic Recommendations for Retirement Planning
Increase Equity Exposure:

Given your 8-year retirement horizon, it’s advisable to increase your allocation to equities. Historically, equities have outperformed other asset classes over long periods, making them an essential part of any retirement plan aiming for significant growth.

Consider reallocating a portion of your fixed deposits and bonds into equity mutual funds or direct equity. Since your SIPs are already professionally managed, continue with this approach but consider increasing the monthly contribution to accelerate your corpus growth.

Maximize the Potential of Mutual Funds:

Your mutual funds are already spread across all asset classes, which is good for diversification. However, to achieve a Rs 10 crore corpus, you may need to enhance your exposure to growth-oriented equity funds.

Consider increasing your SIP amount or making additional lump-sum investments when the market presents buying opportunities. Regular reviews with your Certified Financial Planner (CFP) will help ensure that your portfolio stays aligned with your goals.

Short-Term Equity Strategy:

Your short-term equity investments can be beneficial, but they should not distract from your long-term retirement strategy. Ensure that the profits from these investments are periodically reallocated to your long-term portfolio to contribute to your retirement corpus.

Keep a disciplined approach to profit booking and reinvestment, so that short-term gains effectively contribute to your long-term goals.

Optimize Fixed Deposits and Bonds:

While fixed deposits and bonds provide safety, they may not offer the returns needed to grow your corpus to Rs 10 crore in 8 years. Consider reducing your exposure to these low-yielding instruments and redirecting those funds into higher-growth investments, particularly equities and equity-oriented mutual funds.

If you prefer the safety of fixed-income instruments, explore bonds or debt funds that offer higher yields, such as corporate bonds or dynamic bond funds. However, ensure these fit within your overall risk tolerance.

Maintain Sufficient Liquidity:

Keep your bank balance at a level that covers immediate needs and potential emergencies. Any excess can be invested in liquid funds or ultra-short-term debt funds, which offer slightly better returns than a savings account while maintaining liquidity.

Liquid funds can also serve as a parking space for funds before they are deployed into other investments, ensuring your money works for you at all times.

Focus on Tax Efficiency:

As an NRI, your tax-free status on fixed deposits and bonds is advantageous. However, consider the tax implications of your other investments, such as equity and mutual funds, especially when repatriating funds.

Work with your CFP to structure your investments in a tax-efficient manner, which could involve utilizing tax-saving instruments or investing in locations with favorable tax treaties.

Prepare for Your Son’s Education:

Since your son’s education abroad is a priority, ensure that the funds required for this purpose are readily accessible and not subject to market volatility. Consider using your bank balance or a portion of your fixed deposits to cover these expenses.

You may also consider an education loan if needed, which can provide tax benefits on the interest paid and allow your investments to continue growing.

Retirement Corpus Calculation and Strategy
Set a Target Growth Rate:

To achieve a Rs 10 crore corpus in 8 years, you need a disciplined investment approach. The target growth rate will depend on the current value of your investments and the additional contributions you can make.

Considering your substantial existing portfolio, aim for a balanced growth rate that reflects a mix of equities, debt, and alternative investments. Your CFP can help you set realistic expectations based on historical performance and market conditions.

Regular Portfolio Reviews:

Regularly review your portfolio’s performance with your CFP. This allows you to adjust your strategy based on market conditions, your financial situation, and any changes in your goals.

Ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and that your investments are working effectively towards your retirement target.

Stay Disciplined with Investments:

Avoid making impulsive investment decisions based on short-term market movements. A disciplined, long-term approach is key to achieving your retirement goal.

Stick to your SIPs, regularly review your portfolio, and adjust your investments based on your progress towards the Rs 10 crore target.

Final Insights
You have a well-diversified and substantial portfolio that positions you well to achieve your retirement goal of Rs 10 crore in 8 years. However, optimizing your strategy with increased equity exposure, a focus on tax efficiency, and regular portfolio reviews will enhance your chances of success. By maintaining a disciplined investment approach and working closely with your Certified Financial Planner, you can achieve your retirement goals while ensuring your financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, Im a returning NRI post 20 years having lived abroad. Wasnt sure if I would ever have come on this platform but yes I have . I have been involved with a girl in India for the past 6 years , we both are in our end 40's shes 47 and i will be turning 50 next year. On my bi annual visits we have been meeting, getting physical and share almost everything. There was nothing hidden between us, frank discussions about life, menopause, family issues, support for each other and a lot of love flowing, gifts exhanged both ways , always there for each other and so on. For the past 5 years she was out of a job but now has started working again since the past 7 months or so. Happy for her. I made a decision to take early retirement and head back home , a purely personal choice and spend more time with her. Its just that now when im back and expressed my desire to visit her , i feel shes a bit hesitant, we stay in different cities. I was pretty stunned when I initially planned to see her around the christmas week but she cited follow up prayers for a close family member who had passed away a couple of years back and her unavailabilty. Moreso the dates I had proposed she was unsure of committing time during that period and I let it pass. I was pleasantly surprised and also hurt that during those specific days , shes taking off for a short vacation citing she needs to recharge. Not sure what I should make out of this. Our conversations since my return have been short, messaging not that frequent but overall i feel the thrill that used to be there earlier is missing from her end. I cant understand -:), all was good till a month back. Simply put I dont wanna confront her, its her life after all but just need some advise : is this normal hormonal changes or do u feel its something more and I shud let go. Yeah I know its gonna be difficult for me but some closure I need.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your partner/lady seems to be one of those who is happy with a virtual relationship and all the perks in it. It gets easy as there is no commitment within that relationship; at least that's how it reads to me from your post.
It's possible that in her mind she must have thought that the long distance thing works better. Now that you are back, it's possible that you might ask her that the two of you move things further as in a COMMITMENT.
So, maybe you must initiate a conversation with her and be very clear as to what you want from her and the relationship. And also listen patiently to what she has to say. She may not want to pursue a commitment and this is something that you must prepare yourself to hear!
Is this all stemming from a hormonal change? Well, it's strange because a month back things were all good; so where were these hormonal changes back then? So, no...Do have that honest conversation and see where it goes...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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