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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
SS Question by SS on Jun 02, 2023Hindi
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I have 20 lakh cash in my bank saving account from which monthly SIP around 1 lakh and planning to Invest around 10 lakhs in stocks. How I can generate more money from this corpus ? Invest in liquid fund and Monthly SWP to my account ? or auto sweep on saving account will work ? please suggest your opinion.

Ans: Investing a portion of your corpus in liquid funds and setting up a monthly SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) or STP can be a good strategy to generate regular income while maintaining liquidity and capital preservation. This approach allows you to earn potentially higher returns than a regular savings account while ensuring that you have a steady stream of income. Auto sweep facilities on savings accounts can also be useful for parking excess funds and earning some returns, but they may offer lower interest rates compared to liquid funds. Consider consulting with a financial advisor to tailor a strategy that aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 26, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello Sunilji My age is 49 and my net monthly pay is 1.6 lakhs. I need to build corpus of 50 lakhs in next years. Also have 10 lakhs cash in hand, kindly suggest any investment plan like sip or mutual funds to build my corpus.
Ans: I commend your goal of building a corpus of 50 lakhs within the next year. It's a challenging but achievable target given your financial situation. Here's a plan to help you reach your goal:

Firstly, let's leverage your existing cash in hand of 10 lakhs. This amount can serve as the foundation for your investment journey.

Next, considering your monthly income of 1.6 lakhs, we can allocate a portion towards systematic investment plans (SIPs) in mutual funds.

SIPs offer the advantage of disciplined investing, allowing you to invest a fixed amount regularly over time, regardless of market fluctuations.

Given your investment horizon of one year, it's crucial to focus on relatively low-risk options to preserve capital while aiming for reasonable returns.

Avoiding direct equity or high-risk investments would be prudent, as they may subject your capital to significant market volatility and potential losses.

Instead, consider investing in debt mutual funds or balanced funds, which offer a balance of safety and potential for growth.

While actively managed funds may have slightly higher expense ratios compared to index funds, they offer the advantage of professional fund management and potential outperformance in volatile markets.

Regularly review your investment portfolio and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards your goal.

Remember, consistency and patience are key to achieving your financial objectives. Stay committed to your investment plan, and you'll be closer to building the corpus you desire.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 26, 2024

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I am 44 yrs. of age. My corpus is approx. 3 cr with 1 cr in share market with SIP & 1 cr in banks FD & I cr in post office via KVP & other investment tools. I am doing monthly SIP of 30k in share market. . What way should I proceed so that I can get 2 lakh per month at age of 55 yrs.
Ans: Your diligent savings and investments have built a commendable corpus, setting a solid foundation for your financial future. Your goal to generate 2 lakh per month by the age of 55 is ambitious and requires careful planning.

Given your current investments, let's consider some strategic steps:

Review Asset Allocation: With 1 cr in share market SIPs and another 2 cr in relatively low-yield options like FDs and KVPs, consider rebalancing to align with your income goals. A more growth-oriented allocation may be needed.
Increase Equity Exposure: To potentially boost returns, consider increasing your exposure to equities. Equity investments, especially in well-performing sectors or diversified funds, could offer higher growth potential over the long term.
Diversify Income Streams: Besides relying solely on investments, explore creating multiple income streams. Rental income, dividends from shares, or even starting a small business could supplement your monthly income.
Optimize Tax Efficiency: Ensure your investments are tax-efficient. Utilize tax-saving instruments and consider tax-free or low-tax income options to maximize your post-tax returns.
Regular Review: Periodically review your portfolio's performance and adjust your strategy as needed. Market conditions, economic trends, and personal circumstances can impact your financial plan.
Remember, achieving your goal requires a well-thought-out strategy and disciplined execution. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your aspirations.

Your commitment to financial planning is the cornerstone of achieving your dreams. Let's embark on this journey together, ensuring a rewarding and secure future.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have a corpus fund of 20 Lacs. Could you please suggest any investment strategy where I can earn monthly income
Ans: Crafting a Monthly Income Strategy for Your Corpus Fund of Rs 20 Lakhs

Understanding Your Investment Goals

To create a monthly income from your corpus fund of Rs 20 lakhs, we need to understand your financial goals and risk tolerance.

It’s crucial to balance risk and returns to maintain financial stability.

We aim to provide a steady income stream while preserving and potentially growing your capital.

Allocating Your Investment Corpus

A well-diversified portfolio is key to achieving a steady income and capital preservation.

We will discuss various investment options that suit your needs.

Fixed Deposits and Monthly Income Schemes

Fixed Deposits (FDs) offer safety and regular income. Banks provide options for monthly, quarterly, or annual interest payouts.

Monthly Income Schemes (MIS) from post offices are another safe option. They offer regular monthly payouts, though the returns are moderate.

Debt Mutual Funds

Debt mutual funds invest in bonds and fixed-income securities, providing regular income with lower risk compared to equities.

They come in various types, including short-term, medium-term, and long-term funds. Choosing the right one depends on your investment horizon and income needs.

Corporate Bonds and Non-Convertible Debentures (NCDs)

Corporate bonds and NCDs can offer higher interest rates than traditional FDs. They come with varying credit ratings.

Investing in high-rated bonds reduces risk, while slightly lower-rated bonds can provide higher returns.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) in Mutual Funds

An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount from your mutual fund investments regularly. This can provide a steady monthly income.

You can invest in equity or hybrid funds, which have potential for growth while offering regular withdrawals.

Balanced Advantage Funds

Balanced Advantage Funds dynamically allocate investments between equities and debt based on market conditions.

These funds aim to provide growth with reduced volatility, making them suitable for monthly income and capital appreciation.

Senior Citizens' Savings Scheme (SCSS)

SCSS is a government-backed scheme offering regular income for individuals above 60. It provides higher interest rates than FDs and MIS.

The interest is paid quarterly, ensuring regular income for retirees.

RBI Floating Rate Savings Bonds

These bonds offer interest rates linked to government securities, providing a hedge against inflation. Interest is paid semi-annually.

They are safe investments with guaranteed returns, suitable for conservative investors.

Diversification for Risk Management

Diversifying your portfolio across various asset classes reduces risk and ensures a steady income stream.

Combining safe options like FDs and SCSS with growth-oriented mutual funds and corporate bonds can optimize returns.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing

Regularly monitoring and rebalancing your portfolio is essential. It ensures that your investments align with your financial goals and market conditions.

Understanding Tax Implications

Different investment options have varied tax implications. It’s important to choose tax-efficient investments to maximize your returns.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help in making tax-efficient investment decisions.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds mirror market indices, offering average market returns. They lack flexibility and can’t adapt to market changes.

Actively managed funds, on the other hand, aim to outperform the market by selecting the best-performing securities.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds have professional fund managers who make strategic decisions. They have the potential to provide higher returns than index funds.

Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a CFP credential ensures expert guidance and better fund selection.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds require investors to select and manage investments themselves. This can be time-consuming and challenging without financial expertise.

Regular funds, managed by professionals, offer the benefit of expert advice and active management.

Building a Customized Plan

A customized investment plan tailored to your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance is essential.

A CFP can help design a strategy that provides regular income while preserving and growing your corpus.

Conclusion

Creating a monthly income from a corpus fund of Rs 20 lakhs requires a well-thought-out strategy.

Diversifying across various investment options ensures a steady income and capital preservation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2025Hindi
Money
I have invested 15 lakh in equity of 7 stock and monthly sip is 5k , please suggest how can make corpus of 1 cr in next 5 years.
Ans: Your Current Investment Snapshot
You have:

Rs. 15 lakh invested in 7 individual stocks.

Rs. 5,000 SIP every month.

Your goal:

Reach Rs. 1 crore in 5 years.

This is an ambitious but possible goal. But it needs strict discipline and smart steps.

Goal Assessment and Growth Expectation
Let’s assess what your goal needs:

Rs. 1 crore in 5 years is a high-growth goal.

You need your investments to grow significantly each year.

Just Rs. 5,000 SIP alone may not be enough.

Your current stock portfolio must also perform very well.

Hence, we need to:

Re-evaluate your current stock holdings.

Increase monthly contributions.

Diversify using actively managed mutual funds.

Problems with Stock Concentration
Investing Rs. 15 lakh in 7 stocks is very concentrated.

Here are some risks:

Sector risk if most stocks belong to the same industry.

Company-specific risks can heavily affect your total portfolio.

Volatility is high and emotional decisions can hamper discipline.

If one or two stocks underperform, the whole portfolio suffers.

You need better diversification. That’s where mutual funds help.

Why Not Rely Only on Stocks
Stock selection needs strong research. Most individuals lack the time or tools.

Also:

Equity markets are not linear.

Market cycles may not match your 5-year goal.

Company performance can be unpredictable.

So, only stock investing is not a full solution.

Why You Need Actively Managed Mutual Funds
You need professionally managed mutual funds, guided by a Certified Financial Planner.

Why:

A fund manager studies market trends better than individuals.

Actively managed funds aim to beat market returns.

They adapt to economic changes better than passive funds.

You get diversification in 25–30 companies in one fund.

Index funds don’t help in this case.

Disadvantages of Index Funds for Your Goal
Index funds are passive. They just follow the market.

Problems with them:

They do not beat market returns. Only match it.

Your 5-year goal needs aggressive returns.

In index funds, poor-performing companies still stay in the fund.

No scope for active decision-making during market corrections.

So, actively managed funds are better for wealth creation.

How to Use Mutual Funds the Right Way
You should:

Select high-quality actively managed diversified equity funds.

Start investing with an SIP of at least Rs. 25,000 per month.

Increase SIP every 6 months by 10%–15% if income allows.

Invest in regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner.

Why regular plans:

A qualified Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP knowledge can guide rebalancing.

They track underperforming funds and suggest changes.

Direct plans offer no such support.

DIY approach often fails due to emotions or ignorance.

Problems With Direct Funds
Many think direct funds are better due to lower expense ratio.

But:

No guidance during market fall.

No rebalancing suggestion.

No fund review support.

Emotional decisions can lead to losses.

It’s wise to pay a small extra for guidance from a Certified Financial Planner.

Portfolio Restructuring Plan
Let’s build a 360-degree plan.

A. Review your stock portfolio

Check the past 2–3 year returns of all 7 stocks.

Remove any stock with no clear growth visibility.

If sector exposure is too high, reduce it.

B. Shift some stock funds to mutual funds

You can retain 5–6 lakh in high conviction stocks.

Move Rs. 9–10 lakh to good equity mutual funds.

C. Increase SIP

Rs. 5,000 SIP is not enough to build Rs. 1 crore in 5 years.

At 12%–14% return, you need about Rs. 50,000 per month total investment.

So, try to:

Increase SIP to Rs. 25,000 minimum.

Invest lump sum from current savings into mutual funds.

Use STP (Systematic Transfer Plan) if markets are high.

D. Review every 6 months

Rebalance your mutual fund portfolio if any fund underperforms.

Shift gains from outperforming schemes to balanced funds as the goal nears.

E. Consider Hybrid Mutual Funds

Add aggressive hybrid funds to reduce risk.

These invest in both equity and debt.

They protect you better in market falls.

F. Allocate by categories

50% in large & flexi-cap funds.

30% in mid-cap funds.

20% in aggressive hybrid funds.

Avoid sectoral and thematic funds now.

Emergency Fund and Risk Protection
You must also protect your goals.

Maintain 6 months of expenses in a liquid fund or savings.

Take term insurance if you have dependents.

Get health insurance to avoid using investments during medical needs.

Taxation of Mutual Fund Gains
From April 2024:

For equity mutual funds:

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh per year is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG (held less than 1 year) is taxed at 20%.

For debt mutual funds:

All gains taxed as per your income tax slab.

So, hold equity mutual funds for over 1 year.

How to Track and Stay Disciplined
You need:

One dedicated app or platform to track all investments.

Monthly check-ins to see if you're on track.

Rebalancing advice from a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid checking NAV daily. It creates anxiety.

Investing is not a race. It’s a strategy.

Milestone Tracking Every Year
Year 1: Rs. 20 lakh+ target.

Year 2: Rs. 35–38 lakh target.

Year 3: Rs. 55–60 lakh target.

Year 4: Rs. 75 lakh target.

Year 5: Rs. 1 crore.

Check if you're hitting these marks each year.

If not:

Step-up SIP.

Review underperformers.

Control lifestyle expenses and invest more.

Finally
To build Rs. 1 crore in 5 years:

You must invest more monthly, not just Rs. 5,000.

Stocks alone may not help. Diversify into mutual funds.

Avoid index funds. Choose actively managed funds.

Don’t go for direct plans. Get expert help.

Use asset allocation and review regularly.

Avoid emotional decisions. Stay focused on the goal.

Protect with term and health insurance.

Building Rs. 1 crore is not just about investing. It’s about staying invested with clarity.

Take help of a Certified Financial Planner for a personalised roadmap.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |6751 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 19, 2025

Career
Sir i have given 12th in 2025 and passed with 69% but not given jee exam in 2025 and not in 2026 also But i want iit anyhow sir is this possible that i give 12th in 2027 and cleared 75 criteria then give jee mains and also i am eligible for jee advanced
Ans: You have already appeared for and passed the Class 12 examination in 2025. As per the eligibility criteria, only two consecutive attempts for JEE (Advanced) are permitted—the first in 2025 and the second in 2026. Therefore, you will not be eligible to appear for JEE (Advanced) in 2027. Reappearing for Class 12 does not reset or extend JEE (Advanced) eligibility.

However, you can still achieve your goal of studying at an IIT through an alternative and well-established pathway. You may take admission to an undergraduate engineering program of your choice, appear for the GATE examination in your final year, and secure a qualifying score to gain admission to a postgraduate program at a top IIT.

This is a strong and viable route to IIT. At this stage, it would be advisable to move forward by enrolling in an engineering program rather than focusing again on Class 12, JEE Main, or JEE Advanced.

Good luck.
Follow me if you receive this reply.
Radheshyam

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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