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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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I have a corpus fund of 20 Lacs. Could you please suggest any investment strategy where I can earn monthly income

Ans: Crafting a Monthly Income Strategy for Your Corpus Fund of Rs 20 Lakhs

Understanding Your Investment Goals

To create a monthly income from your corpus fund of Rs 20 lakhs, we need to understand your financial goals and risk tolerance.

It’s crucial to balance risk and returns to maintain financial stability.

We aim to provide a steady income stream while preserving and potentially growing your capital.

Allocating Your Investment Corpus

A well-diversified portfolio is key to achieving a steady income and capital preservation.

We will discuss various investment options that suit your needs.

Fixed Deposits and Monthly Income Schemes

Fixed Deposits (FDs) offer safety and regular income. Banks provide options for monthly, quarterly, or annual interest payouts.

Monthly Income Schemes (MIS) from post offices are another safe option. They offer regular monthly payouts, though the returns are moderate.

Debt Mutual Funds

Debt mutual funds invest in bonds and fixed-income securities, providing regular income with lower risk compared to equities.

They come in various types, including short-term, medium-term, and long-term funds. Choosing the right one depends on your investment horizon and income needs.

Corporate Bonds and Non-Convertible Debentures (NCDs)

Corporate bonds and NCDs can offer higher interest rates than traditional FDs. They come with varying credit ratings.

Investing in high-rated bonds reduces risk, while slightly lower-rated bonds can provide higher returns.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) in Mutual Funds

An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount from your mutual fund investments regularly. This can provide a steady monthly income.

You can invest in equity or hybrid funds, which have potential for growth while offering regular withdrawals.

Balanced Advantage Funds

Balanced Advantage Funds dynamically allocate investments between equities and debt based on market conditions.

These funds aim to provide growth with reduced volatility, making them suitable for monthly income and capital appreciation.

Senior Citizens' Savings Scheme (SCSS)

SCSS is a government-backed scheme offering regular income for individuals above 60. It provides higher interest rates than FDs and MIS.

The interest is paid quarterly, ensuring regular income for retirees.

RBI Floating Rate Savings Bonds

These bonds offer interest rates linked to government securities, providing a hedge against inflation. Interest is paid semi-annually.

They are safe investments with guaranteed returns, suitable for conservative investors.

Diversification for Risk Management

Diversifying your portfolio across various asset classes reduces risk and ensures a steady income stream.

Combining safe options like FDs and SCSS with growth-oriented mutual funds and corporate bonds can optimize returns.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing

Regularly monitoring and rebalancing your portfolio is essential. It ensures that your investments align with your financial goals and market conditions.

Understanding Tax Implications

Different investment options have varied tax implications. It’s important to choose tax-efficient investments to maximize your returns.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help in making tax-efficient investment decisions.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds mirror market indices, offering average market returns. They lack flexibility and can’t adapt to market changes.

Actively managed funds, on the other hand, aim to outperform the market by selecting the best-performing securities.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds have professional fund managers who make strategic decisions. They have the potential to provide higher returns than index funds.

Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a CFP credential ensures expert guidance and better fund selection.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds require investors to select and manage investments themselves. This can be time-consuming and challenging without financial expertise.

Regular funds, managed by professionals, offer the benefit of expert advice and active management.

Building a Customized Plan

A customized investment plan tailored to your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance is essential.

A CFP can help design a strategy that provides regular income while preserving and growing your corpus.

Conclusion

Creating a monthly income from a corpus fund of Rs 20 lakhs requires a well-thought-out strategy.

Diversifying across various investment options ensures a steady income and capital preservation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

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Corpus fund of 20 Lacs, any monthly income scheme
Ans: Thank you for reaching out regarding your corpus fund of Rs. 20 lakhs and your interest in a monthly income scheme. Your diligence in planning for a steady income stream is commendable. Let's explore your options and provide you with a detailed plan.

Understanding Monthly Income Schemes
Monthly Income Schemes (MIS) are designed to provide regular income to investors. These schemes can include a mix of fixed income and market-linked investments. The goal is to balance safety with returns to meet your income needs.

Key Considerations for Monthly Income
1. Safety and Security
Your primary concern might be the safety of your principal amount. Ensuring that your investment is secure is crucial.

2. Steady Income
You require a reliable monthly income from your investment. Consistency in payouts is essential for planning your expenses.

3. Inflation Protection
It's important to ensure your income keeps pace with inflation. Rising costs can erode the purchasing power of your fixed income.

Options for Monthly Income
1. Monthly Income Plans (MIPs)
MIPs are mutual funds that invest primarily in debt and a small portion in equities. They aim to provide regular income and potential capital appreciation.

2. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount from your mutual fund investment regularly. This ensures a steady income while your remaining investment continues to grow.

3. Senior Citizens' Savings Scheme (SCSS)
If you are 60 years or older, SCSS offers a secure investment with regular interest payouts. It’s backed by the Government of India.

4. Post Office Monthly Income Scheme
This scheme offers a fixed monthly income and is a safe investment backed by the Indian postal department.

Evaluating the Options
1. Risk and Return Profile
Evaluate the risk and return profile of each option. MIPs offer higher returns but come with some market risk. SCSS and Post Office MIS offer lower, but guaranteed, returns.

2. Tax Efficiency
Consider the tax implications of each investment. For example, returns from SCSS and Post Office MIS are taxable, while SWPs from equity funds can be more tax-efficient.

3. Liquidity
Assess the liquidity of your investments. SWPs offer flexibility in withdrawals, while SCSS has a fixed tenure with limited withdrawal options.

Recommended Strategy for Monthly Income
1. Diversified Approach
Diversify your investment across multiple schemes to balance risk and return. A mix of MIPs, SWPs, and government-backed schemes can be beneficial.

2. Regular Review and Adjustment
Regularly review your investments with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can help adjust your portfolio based on market conditions and personal changes.

3. Plan for Inflation
Include investments that offer potential growth to combat inflation. This ensures your income doesn’t lose value over time.

Sample Allocation Strategy
Here is a sample allocation strategy for your Rs. 20 lakh corpus:

MIP and SWP: Rs. 10 lakhs in a balanced MIP for potential growth and regular income through SWP.

SCSS: Rs. 6 lakhs in SCSS for secure and regular interest payouts.

Post Office MIS: Rs. 4 lakhs in Post Office MIS for stable and guaranteed monthly income.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide immense value in managing your investments. A CFP can offer:

1. Personalized Advice
A CFP will assess your financial goals, risk tolerance, and income needs to create a customized investment plan. They bring professional expertise to align your investments with your objectives.

2. Ongoing Management
A CFP continuously monitors and adjusts your portfolio. This proactive management helps in adapting to market changes and personal life events.

3. Tax Planning
CFPs are well-versed in tax implications and can help you structure your investments in a tax-efficient manner. This maximizes your after-tax returns.

4. Peace of Mind
With a CFP managing your investments, you can have peace of mind. You will be confident that your financial future is in expert hands.

Final Thoughts
Your goal of securing a regular monthly income is achievable with a diversified investment approach. Combining MIPs, SWPs, SCSS, and Post Office MIS can provide a balanced, steady income while preserving your capital.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can further tailor these suggestions to your specific needs and risk profile. Your proactive steps towards financial security are highly commendable.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

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Hi I have 15 lacs and need to invest which will give me steady monthly income
Ans: You have Rs. 15 lakh and seek steady monthly income. Let’s explore the best options for your needs.

Benefits of Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs)
Regular Income: SWPs provide steady cash flow.
Capital Protection: Keeps your principal relatively safe.
Tax Efficiency: Better tax benefits compared to fixed deposits.
Advantages of Actively Managed Funds in SWPs
Expert Management: Funds managed by professionals.
Better Returns: Potential for higher returns compared to index funds.
Flexibility: Adjust investments based on market conditions.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
No Guidance: Lack of professional advice.
Higher Risk: More risk due to lack of management.
Complexity: Requires significant time and knowledge.
Benefits of Investing Through MFD with CFP Credential
Expert Advice: Helps in making informed decisions.
Regular Monitoring: Keeps investments on track.
Customized Portfolio: Tailored to your goals and risk profile.
Investment Strategy for Steady Monthly Income
Step 1: Allocate Funds to a Balanced Portfolio
Equity Funds: For growth potential.
Debt Funds: For stability and lower risk.
Hybrid Funds: Combine equity and debt for balanced growth.
Step 2: Set Up Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
SWP Mechanism: Withdraw a fixed amount monthly.
Start with Small Amount: Ensure sustainability of the corpus.
Step 3: Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Quarterly Review: Check fund performance.
Rebalance Annually: Adjust the portfolio to maintain balance.
Step 4: Tax Efficiency
Long-Term Capital Gains: Lower tax rate compared to short-term.
Tax-Free Withdrawals: Certain portions of withdrawals can be tax-free.
Estimated Monthly Income
Assuming a conservative return of 8%, you can withdraw a fixed monthly amount while keeping your principal relatively intact. This could provide a stable income stream while also potentially growing your investment.

Health and Emergency Fund
Maintain a Buffer
Emergency Fund: Keep at least 6 months of expenses.
Health Coverage: Ensure adequate insurance to cover unexpected medical expenses.
Final Insights
To achieve steady monthly income:

Invest Rs. 15 lakh in a balanced portfolio.
Use a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for regular income.
Seek professional advice for customized planning.
Monitor and adjust your investments regularly.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2024Hindi
Money
Age 62 Corpus 1.30 Cr Require 1 Lakh per month how to invest
Ans: At the age of 62, you have accumulated a corpus of Rs 1.30 crore, and you require Rs 1 lakh per month to cover your living expenses. This translates to an annual withdrawal requirement of Rs 12 lakhs. Ensuring that your corpus lasts for the rest of your life while meeting your monthly requirements is a delicate balance. Let’s assess the best investment strategy to achieve this goal.

Assessing Withdrawal Needs
Your corpus of Rs 1.30 crore needs to generate a consistent income of Rs 12 lakhs per year. A sustainable withdrawal rate that prevents your corpus from depleting too quickly is around 6-8%. At a withdrawal rate of Rs 12 lakhs per year, you’re targeting roughly a 9-10% return on your investments. This is feasible but requires a careful balance between risk and return.

Investment Strategy for Regular Income
Debt and Fixed Income Investments
A significant portion of your portfolio should be invested in safer, debt-based instruments. These will provide you with stable returns and protect your capital. Consider allocating 60-70% of your portfolio to the following options:

Senior Citizens’ Saving Scheme (SCSS): This is a safe, government-backed scheme that offers decent returns. It also provides regular payouts to meet your monthly needs.

RBI Floating Rate Bonds: These bonds are safe and provide a regular income that can help cover part of your expenses.

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): This scheme provides steady monthly income and is a low-risk investment option.

Corporate Bonds or High-Rated Debt Funds: While slightly riskier than government schemes, corporate bonds or high-rated debt funds offer higher returns and can be considered for a portion of your investment.

Balanced or Hybrid Mutual Funds
Since you need regular income and want to preserve your capital for the long term, hybrid or balanced mutual funds are ideal. These funds invest in both equity and debt, providing moderate returns with lower risk. Consider allocating 20-30% of your portfolio to:

Aggressive Hybrid Funds: These funds invest about 65% in equities and the rest in debt. They offer growth potential while maintaining some level of safety.

Balanced Advantage Funds: These funds dynamically shift between equities and debt based on market conditions, offering a mix of growth and safety.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
To ensure a regular income stream, you can set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) in your mutual fund portfolio. This will allow you to withdraw a fixed amount every month while the remaining corpus continues to grow. SWPs from balanced or hybrid funds can help you generate income and offer some capital appreciation over time.

Inflation and Rising Expenses
One of the key challenges in retirement planning is inflation. While your expenses are Rs 1 lakh per month today, they will likely increase over time. Therefore, it’s important to invest in instruments that can offer growth above inflation. This is where equity investments come in.

Equity Exposure for Long-Term Growth
To counter the effects of inflation, a small portion of your corpus should be invested in equity mutual funds. Consider allocating 10-15% of your portfolio to equity mutual funds. These funds will help grow your corpus and ensure you don’t run out of money in the long term. Focus on:

Large-Cap Equity Funds: These funds are relatively stable and invest in established companies, offering consistent long-term returns.

Dividend Yield Funds: These funds invest in companies that regularly pay dividends, providing you with an additional income stream.

Emergency Fund
Given your need for regular income, it’s important to have an emergency fund. Set aside 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid form, such as a savings account or short-term FD. This will ensure you don’t have to dip into your investments for unforeseen expenses.

Tax Implications
Tax planning is crucial, especially when withdrawing from your corpus. Here’s a brief overview of taxation on mutual funds:

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Funds: LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.

By withdrawing strategically using an SWP, you can reduce your tax liability and ensure efficient tax management.

Final Insights
At 62, preserving your capital while generating regular income is essential. A diversified portfolio of debt instruments, balanced mutual funds, and a small exposure to equity can help you achieve your goal of generating Rs 1 lakh per month. Focus on:

Allocating 60-70% to debt instruments for stable, regular income.
Investing 20-30% in hybrid mutual funds for growth and safety.
Allocating 10-15% to equity mutual funds for long-term growth and inflation protection.
Setting up an SWP for monthly withdrawals while allowing your corpus to grow.
Maintaining an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses.
By following this balanced approach, you can ensure a steady income throughout retirement and maintain your financial independence.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 17, 2025Hindi
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Sir I m 33 year old women single not working . My mother did fd on my name whose current value is 24 làkh in pnb and I invested 8 lac in large cap conservative fund and 1 lac in mid cap and 1.5 lakh in gold,50k in debt,50 in gilt fund. If I have to look for option to generate monthly income from this what are the options
Ans: Your situation requires a well-structured plan to generate a steady monthly income. You have Rs 24 lakh in fixed deposits and Rs 11.5 lakh in various mutual funds and gold. Below is a detailed analysis and strategy to help you create a reliable monthly income.

Assessing Your Existing Investments
Fixed Deposit (Rs 24 lakh)

This gives stable returns, but interest rates are low.

Interest is taxable as per your income tax slab.

Consider restructuring some of it for better income options.

Large Cap Conservative Fund (Rs 8 lakh)

This fund is stable but may not give high returns.

Monthly withdrawals may reduce future growth.

Keep this for moderate wealth creation.

Mid Cap Fund (Rs 1 lakh)

This has high return potential but also higher risk.

Not ideal for immediate income generation.

Keep this for long-term growth.

Gold Investment (Rs 1.5 lakh)

Gold is a wealth protector, not an income source.

Selling gold for income is not advisable.

Hold gold for financial security.

Debt and Gilt Funds (Rs 1 lakh)

These provide stability but may not give high income.

Keep this for liquidity needs.

Options to Generate Monthly Income
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from Mutual Funds
SWP allows monthly withdrawals from mutual funds.

Withdraw only a small portion to protect capital.

Choose actively managed funds for better returns.

Withdraw from conservative large-cap funds for stability.

Rebalancing Fixed Deposits for Better Returns
Break large FD into smaller ones for flexibility.

Keep some FD in a bank for emergency use.

Consider corporate fixed deposits for higher returns.

Opt for laddering FDs for steady income flow.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) for Your Mother
If your mother is above 60 years, she can invest.

It gives higher fixed returns than regular FDs.

Quarterly interest payments help in cash flow.

Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS)
This gives fixed monthly income for five years.

Suitable for low-risk investors.

Income is taxable.

Dividend Payout from Mutual Funds
Avoid dividend option in mutual funds.

Dividends are taxed at slab rate.

Use SWP instead for tax-efficient withdrawals.

Ultra Short-Term and Arbitrage Funds for Low-Risk Returns
These funds are better than keeping money in savings.

Suitable for short-term cash management.

Can provide better liquidity and returns than FDs.

Tax Considerations
Fixed Deposit Interest is taxable at your slab rate.

Mutual Fund Redemptions:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your tax slab.

Gold Investments: LTCG applies after three years.

Final Insights
Use SWP from mutual funds for regular income.

Restructure FD for better flexibility.

Use post office and SCSS (if mother is eligible) for safe income.

Avoid withdrawing from high-growth funds.

Plan tax-efficient withdrawals for higher net income.

Let me know if you need further clarification.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

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Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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