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Can I retire early at 45 with a 5 crore corpus?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024Hindi
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Sir I'm 34 Years Old ... I want to retire at 45 with 5 CR corpus ... My current financials are, 43 Lacs in equity, 20 lacs in PPF, 10 lacs in PF, 3 lacs in NPS, 3 lacs in LIC ... As of now No Debt on me ... I'm agressively ingesting in equity... My current in hand salary is around 1.20 lacs per month. Kindly suggest a path to achieve target corpus in approx 10 years

Ans: To achieve a corpus of Rs. 5 crore in the next 10 years, a well-planned strategy is essential. Here’s a comprehensive approach to guide your financial journey:

Assessing Your Current Situation
Current Investments: You already have Rs. 43 lakhs in equity, Rs. 20 lakhs in PPF, Rs. 10 lakhs in PF, Rs. 3 lakhs in NPS, and Rs. 3 lakhs in LIC.
Aggressive Equity Focus: Your aggressive equity approach is appropriate considering your age and goal.
Income: Your in-hand salary is Rs. 1.20 lakh per month, allowing for a reasonable surplus for investments.
No Debt: This is a great advantage, allowing you to focus entirely on wealth-building.
Growth Projection and Goal Feasibility
Given that you are 34, the target of Rs. 5 crore by age 45 is achievable. However, your investments must grow at a high rate of return, and your asset allocation should align with this target.

Strategic Diversification
It’s essential to maintain a diversified portfolio to manage risk and ensure consistent growth. Here’s how you can structure your portfolio:

Equity Investments
Continued Equity Focus: Keep up your aggressive equity exposure. It’s the best asset class for long-term growth.
Diversification Within Equity: Invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Large caps provide stability, while mid and small caps offer higher growth potential.
Debt Instruments
PPF and PF: Continue with your contributions. These provide stability and tax-free returns but may not grow as aggressively as equity.
NPS: Increase your NPS contributions if possible. It’s a good tool for long-term wealth creation with additional tax benefits under Section 80C and 80CCD(1B).
Insurance and ULIPs
LIC: If you hold any LIC policies, ensure they are pure insurance products. If you have investment-cum-insurance policies, consider surrendering them and redirecting funds to mutual funds or NPS.
Lump Sum Strategy
You can invest your current lump sum (Rs. 43 lakh in equity) into diversified equity mutual funds. Split it into:

Large-cap funds: For stability.
Mid-cap funds: For growth.
Sectoral/Thematic funds: For higher risk-adjusted returns.
SIP Strategy
With Rs. 1.20 lakh in-hand salary, aim to invest Rs. 50,000 to Rs. 60,000 monthly in SIPs. The combination of SIPs and lump sum investment will compound your wealth over the next 10 years.

Equity SIPs: Continue SIPs in aggressive categories like small-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds.
Debt SIPs: Allocate 20% to debt mutual funds for capital protection and liquidity.
Projecting Growth Rate
To achieve Rs. 5 crore in 10 years, you would need a growth rate of approximately 12% to 15% annually. While equity investments can potentially provide this return, you should review and rebalance your portfolio periodically.

Tax Efficiency
Equity Mutual Funds: LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%, while STCG is taxed at 20%. Plan withdrawals wisely.
Debt Funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab. Ensure to use them judiciously for tax optimization.
Final Insights
Stick to Your Plan: Continue with aggressive equity investments, but review the performance of funds annually.
Diversification: Balance equity and debt to manage risks.
SIP Discipline: Keep a disciplined SIP approach to avoid market timing risks.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 19, 2024

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Hello Team, I am 39 yrs old and currently have 40 lakhs in mutual fund and doing a SIP of 1lakh 10 k monthly, i have shares around 15 lakhs and around 22 lakhs in crypto and 14 lakhs in PF. Currently i have 13 lakhs home loan, 4.5 lakhs car loan and also bought a new house where 1.9 cr loan will be taken. My plan is to sell the current house which will fetch me 1 cr so ideally 90 lakhs loan will remain in future. Please advise me how can i retire at 45 with corpus of 5 to 6 cr.
Ans: Frst, congratulations on building a substantial investment portfolio and planning for your financial future. Managing diverse investments and loans can be challenging, but with strategic planning, your goals are achievable.

Current Assets and Liabilities
Let's summarise your financial standing:

Mutual Funds: ?40 lakhs
SIPs: ?1.10 lakhs monthly
Shares: ?15 lakhs
Cryptocurrency: ?22 lakhs
Provident Fund (PF): ?14 lakhs
Home Loan (Existing): ?13 lakhs
Car Loan: ?4.5 lakhs
New Home Loan: ?1.9 crores (expected to reduce to ?90 lakhs after selling the current house)
Evaluating Your Retirement Goal
You aim to retire at 45 with a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores. Given your current age of 39, you have six years to build this corpus.

Managing Existing Loans
Current Home Loan
You plan to sell your current house for ?1 crore, which will help reduce your new home loan to ?90 lakhs. This is a sound strategy to lower your debt.

Car Loan
The car loan of ?4.5 lakhs is relatively small. Consider paying it off early if possible, as this will reduce your monthly outflows and save on interest.

Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds and SIPs
You have ?40 lakhs in mutual funds and a monthly SIP of ?1.10 lakhs. This disciplined approach will significantly contribute to your retirement corpus.

Continue Your SIPs: Maintaining your SIPs is crucial. Consider increasing the SIP amount if your income allows, as this will accelerate your corpus growth.

Actively Managed Funds: Focus on actively managed funds with a consistent performance record. These funds aim to outperform the market and can help achieve your target returns.

Equity Investments
You have ?15 lakhs in shares. Equities can provide high returns over the long term, but they are volatile.

Diversification: Ensure your equity portfolio is diversified across sectors to manage risk.

Regular Review: Monitor your equity investments and rebalance your portfolio as needed to align with market conditions.

Cryptocurrency
Cryptocurrency investments worth ?22 lakhs are high-risk. While they can offer substantial returns, the volatility is significant.

Limit Exposure: Consider limiting your exposure to cryptocurrencies to avoid excessive risk.

Reallocate Gains: If there are substantial gains, consider reallocating some of these funds to more stable investments.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Estimating Required Returns
To achieve a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores in six years, you need to focus on high-growth investments while managing risks.

Compound Growth
Your existing investments and monthly SIPs will grow significantly due to compounding. Here’s a simplified approach:

Mutual Funds and SIPs: With aggressive and balanced mutual funds, aim for an annualised return of 12-15%.

Equities and Crypto: While high-risk, these can offer returns above 15%, but exposure should be managed carefully.

Debt Management
Reducing Loan Burden
Pay Off Small Loans: Clear the car loan and any other small debts to reduce financial stress.

New Home Loan: Focus on prepaying the new home loan. Reducing this loan early will significantly lower your interest burden and increase disposable income for investments.

Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help tailor your investment strategy. A CFP can provide personalised advice, monitor your portfolio, and make necessary adjustments.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Review Portfolio: Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure alignment with your retirement goals.

Rebalance Investments: Periodically rebalance your investments to manage risk and optimise returns.

Conclusion
With disciplined investing, strategic debt management, and professional guidance, retiring at 45 with a corpus of ?5 to ?6 crores is achievable. Focus on high-growth investments, manage risks, and regularly review your portfolio to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, we are a couple with monthly income of 7.5L per month (after tax & PF, NPS savings). Have around 50L in FDs, 1Cr in PF, 22L in NPS and 20L in stocks/Mutual Funds. Our expenses are around 2L pm and have a Home loan of 50L. We own 2 flats & land having value of around 11.5 Cr. Need to create a corpus of 10 Cr within next 10 year to retire. Can invest around 3L every month & can increase it by 8~10% every year. Our age is 45 & 42 years. Please advise how we can we achieve this.
Ans: Evaluating Your Financial Situation
You and your spouse have a combined monthly income of Rs 7.5 lakhs after tax and savings in PF and NPS. You have an existing portfolio consisting of:

Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs 50 lakhs
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 1 crore
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 22 lakhs
Stocks/Mutual Funds: Rs 20 lakhs
Home loan outstanding: Rs 50 lakhs
Real estate assets (2 flats and land): Rs 11.5 crores
Your monthly expenses are around Rs 2 lakhs, and you aim to create a corpus of Rs 10 crores within the next 10 years. You can invest Rs 3 lakhs per month, increasing this by 8-10% annually. Let's explore a strategy to achieve this goal.

Setting a Retirement Corpus Target
To reach your goal of Rs 10 crores in 10 years, a systematic and disciplined investment approach is necessary. Considering your high monthly savings potential, diversification and growth-oriented investments will be key.

Monthly Investment Strategy
Start with Equity Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity mutual funds. These funds typically offer higher returns compared to other asset classes over the long term.

Balanced Advantage Funds: Consider these for a balance between equity and debt, reducing risk while still offering growth.

Debt Instruments for Stability
Debt Mutual Funds: These provide stability and lower risk compared to equity funds, suitable for part of your portfolio.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): PPF offers tax benefits and assured returns, providing a stable component to your portfolio.

Increasing SIP Contributions
Given your ability to increase investments by 8-10% annually, start with an SIP of Rs 3 lakhs per month. Increase your SIPs annually to keep pace with your income growth and inflation.

Portfolio Diversification
Diversify Across Asset Classes
Large Cap Funds: These funds are less volatile and provide stable returns over the long term.

Mid Cap and Small Cap Funds: Allocate a portion to these funds for higher growth potential, though they carry more risk.

Sector-Specific Funds: Consider investing in specific sectors like technology or healthcare, which have high growth potential.

Review and Adjust Regularly
Monitor Performance
Regular Reviews: Review your portfolio every six months to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Rebalance Portfolio: Adjust your investments based on performance and market conditions to stay on track.

Avoid Index Funds
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Returns: Index funds only match market returns and do not aim to outperform.

Lack of Flexibility: They cannot react quickly to market changes, potentially missing out on higher returns.

Actively Managed Funds Advantage
Professional Management: These funds benefit from the expertise of fund managers who make informed decisions.

Higher Returns: Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market, providing better growth potential.

Direct Funds vs Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Lack of Guidance: Direct funds do not offer professional guidance, which can be crucial for optimal investment decisions.

Time-Consuming: Managing direct investments can be time-consuming and complex without expert help.

Benefits of Regular Funds via MFD with CFP Credential
Expert Advice: Regular funds provide access to certified financial planners who can offer tailored advice.

Comprehensive Planning: Investing through a CFP ensures a holistic approach to financial planning.

Better Performance: Professional management often results in better performance compared to self-managed direct funds.

Education Planning for Children
Education Savings Plans
Dedicated Education Funds: Invest in plans specifically designed for education to build a sufficient corpus for your children’s higher education.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: If you have daughters, this scheme offers attractive interest rates and tax benefits.

Balancing Current and Future Needs
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of expenses for unforeseen events.

Debt Management: Continue servicing your home loan, ensuring it doesn’t burden your future finances.

Achieving Your Corpus Goal
Target Corpus Calculation
Assuming an average annual return of 12%, your monthly investments need to grow consistently. Start with Rs 3 lakhs per month and increase it by 8-10% yearly. This disciplined approach will help you reach your goal of Rs 10 crores.

Importance of Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner: Regular consultations with a CFP will ensure you stay on track and make necessary adjustments.

Tailored Advice: A CFP can provide tailored advice based on your specific financial situation and goals.

Final Thoughts
Your current financial health is strong, and your disciplined savings approach will help you achieve your retirement goal. Regular investments, portfolio diversification, and professional guidance are key to your success.

Staying on Course
Regular Reviews: Stay informed about your investments and review them periodically.

Flexibility: Be ready to adjust your strategy based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Discipline: Maintain a disciplined approach to savings and investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

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I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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