Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

45-Year-Old Seeking 5Cr Retirement Corpus by 50 – How Can I Achieve It?

Anil

Anil Rego  |388 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jul 31, 2024

Anil Rego is the founder of Right Horizons, a financial and wealth management firm. He has 20 years of experience in the field of personal finance.
He’s an expert in income tax and wealth management.
He has completed his CFA/MBA from the ICFAI Business School.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 30, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

I'm 45, earning 2.5L per month, debt free,married 2 kids, son studying 11standard and daughter 7th standard. My monthly expenses comes to 65000 per month currently, rest all saved and invested. I own villa in city, a sedan, no credit card debt. I have 60L savings in account, 2.6L in LIC annuity life long 1400 interest/month, 12L PPF, 6L in Postoffice Savings SST, 11L ICICI signature plan need to pay 5L every year for next 5 years, 1L PRAN, 5L worth gold-silver coins, 45L in fixed deposits in mom and wife names in many different small finance banks earning monthly interest., 46L in my EPF. I want to retire by 50 with atleast 5CR corpus as goal. Kindly advice and guide me how to achieve it.

Ans: Hi,
To start with, savings account will not help your goal. We advise you to invest this corpus in a mix of Largecap & balanced adavntage funds through STP mode to help you reach the goal. We advise to invest the 1.85 lacs saved every month in a mix of Large, Midcap and Hybrid funds to help you towards the goal. FD's also would not help you in achieving the goal that you have mentioned. EPF amount can be withdrawn once you cross 55 Years. Putting all of this together, you should be able to achieve a corpus mentioned by 7 Years not 5 Years provided it is invested into higher returns generating instruments. Since you have 5-7 Years time, it is possible to generate the corpus needed.

Best Regards,
Anil Rego,
Founder & CEO,
Right Horizons
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Money
I am 45 yr old male with monthly salary of 2 Lacs. I have rental income of 30000 rupees, PPF: 20 Lacs(static no investmenteffective 2024), Pf: 35 Lacs, NPS: 10 Lacs (yearly 1lac inr being deposited), MF: 10Lacs ( montly 40000 being invested) Goal is to retire at 55 with monthly income of 1Lac inr. Suggest corpus and way to achieve. Please avoid AI scripted response.
Ans: At 45, you have a solid financial foundation.

You earn Rs. 2 lakhs monthly and have rental income of Rs. 30,000.

Your investments are diversified across PPF, PF, NPS, and mutual funds.

Assessing Current Investments
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You have Rs. 20 lakhs in PPF, a secure long-term investment with tax benefits.

PPF offers stable, low-risk returns and is exempt from tax.

Provident Fund (PF)
Your PF balance is Rs. 35 lakhs.

PF provides steady growth and tax benefits, ideal for retirement savings.

National Pension System (NPS)
With Rs. 10 lakhs in NPS and Rs. 1 lakh added annually, you're on track for retirement.

NPS is a mix of equity and debt, providing growth and stability.

Mutual Funds
You have Rs. 10 lakhs in mutual funds and invest Rs. 40,000 monthly.

Mutual funds offer diversification, growth potential, and compounding benefits.

Setting Retirement Goals
Monthly Income Post-Retirement
You aim for a monthly income of Rs. 1 lakh post-retirement.

To achieve this, we need to build a substantial retirement corpus.

Calculating the Required Corpus
Understanding Inflation
Consider inflation to maintain your purchasing power.

Assume an inflation rate of 6-7% per year.

Estimating Retirement Corpus
You need a corpus that generates Rs. 1 lakh monthly.

This requires a mix of growth and income-generating investments.

Strategic Investment Planning
Enhancing Mutual Fund Investments
Equity Mutual Funds
Continue investing in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Equity funds have higher returns, though they come with higher risk.

Debt Mutual Funds
Include debt mutual funds for stability and capital preservation.

Debt funds offer lower returns but are less volatile.

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds balance equity and debt, providing moderate returns and lower risk.

They are suitable for medium-term goals and risk-averse investors.

Power of Compounding
Compounding in Mutual Funds
Reinvesting returns generates additional returns, exponentially growing your wealth.

The power of compounding is maximized with early and consistent investments.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Expert Management
Actively managed funds have professional fund managers making informed investment decisions.

Potential for Higher Returns
Active funds aim to outperform the market, providing potentially higher returns.

Flexibility in Asset Allocation
Fund managers can adjust asset allocation based on market conditions, protecting investments during downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Lack of Flexibility
Index funds strictly follow an index and cannot adjust to market changes.

Average Returns
Index funds aim to match the market, providing average returns.

Lower Potential for Risk Management
Index funds are fully exposed to market volatility and lack active risk management.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Personalized Financial Planning
A CFP provides personalized strategies based on your goals and risk tolerance.

Professional Guidance
CFPs offer expert advice and help navigate market complexities.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
CFPs monitor your investments and rebalance the portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Better Investment Decisions
With a CFP, you make informed investment decisions backed by professional research and analysis.

Diversifying Your Portfolio
Equity Investments
Equity investments offer high returns but come with higher risk.

Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification.

Debt Investments
Debt investments provide stability and preserve capital.

Invest in government securities, corporate bonds, and debt mutual funds.

Balanced Approach
A balanced approach with equity and debt investments reduces risk and provides stable returns.

Building a Retirement Corpus
Consistent Investments
Continue your Rs. 40,000 monthly investment in mutual funds.

Increase the amount if possible to accelerate corpus growth.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Regularly review and adjust your investment portfolio based on performance and changing goals.

This ensures alignment with long-term objectives.

Importance of an Emergency Fund
Building an Emergency Fund
Keep at least 6 months' worth of expenses in an emergency fund.

Invest in liquid assets like savings accounts or debt funds for quick access.

This ensures you're prepared for any financial emergencies.

Maximizing Tax Efficiency
Tax-Advantaged Investments
Utilize tax-saving instruments like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) for mutual funds.

They offer tax benefits under Section 80C, reducing taxable income.

Efficient Tax Management
Plan your investments to maximize tax benefits.

Use instruments like PPF, NPS, and NSC for efficient tax management.

Long-Term Financial Security
Sustainable Income Post-Retirement
Ensure that investments generate a sustainable income post-retirement.

Focus on a mix of growth-oriented and stable investments.

Inflation Protection
Investments should grow faster than inflation to maintain purchasing power.

Equity funds can provide the necessary growth to beat inflation.

Final Insights
Your financial journey is on a solid path.

Continue investing in mutual funds and other instruments for a secure future.

Focus on diversification, compounding, and tax efficiency.

Maintain an emergency fund for financial security.

Utilize the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner for personalized guidance.

With consistent effort and strategic planning, you can achieve a comfortable and secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 30, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I'm 45, earning 2.5L per month, debt free,married 2 kids, son studying 11standard and daughter 7th standard. My monthly expenses comes to 65000 per month currently, rest all saved and invested. I own 2C worth villa in city, a sedan, no credit card debt. I have 60L savings in account, 2.6L in LIC annuity life long giving Rs.1400 interest/month, 12L in PPF, 6L in Postoffice Savings SST, 1L in NPS, 11L ICICI signature plan need to pay 5L every year for next 5 years(18% returns), 1L PRAN, 5L worth gold-silver coins, 45L in fixed deposits in mom and wife names in many different small finance banks earning monthly interest(8.5-9%), 46L in my EPF. I want to plan to retire by 50 with life span of 75 with with 80L for 2 kids higher studies with atleast 5CR+ total corpus as goal. Kindly advice and guide me how to achieve it with moderate risk apetite..
Ans: Current Financial Situation
Age: 45 years
Monthly Income: Rs. 2.5 lakhs
Monthly Expenses: Rs. 65,000
Family: Married with 2 kids (son in 11th standard, daughter in 7th standard)
Assets: 2 crore worth villa, a sedan, no credit card debt
Savings and Investments:
Rs. 60 lakhs in savings account
Rs. 2.6 lakhs in LIC annuity giving Rs. 1400 interest/month
Rs. 12 lakhs in PPF
Rs. 6 lakhs in Post Office Savings SST
Rs. 1 lakh in NPS
Rs. 11 lakhs in ICICI Signature Plan (need to pay Rs. 5 lakhs every year for next 5 years)
Rs. 1 lakh in PRAN
Rs. 5 lakhs worth of gold-silver coins
Rs. 45 lakhs in fixed deposits in mom and wife’s names
Rs. 46 lakhs in EPF
Retirement Goals
Retirement Age: 50 years
Life Expectancy: 75 years
Kids' Higher Education: Rs. 80 lakhs
Total Corpus Goal: Rs. 5+ crores
Investment Strategy
Evaluate Current Investments
1. Savings Account and Fixed Deposits

Observation: Low returns (3-4% in savings, 8.5-9% in FDs).
Action: Consider shifting some funds to higher-yield investments.
2. LIC Annuity and ICICI Signature Plan

Observation: LIC annuity provides minimal returns. ICICI Signature Plan promises 18% but verify actual returns.
Action: Assess ICICI plan's performance. Shift LIC annuity to higher-yield funds if possible.
3. PPF, NPS, and Post Office Savings

Observation: Safe investments but with moderate returns.
Action: Continue PPF and NPS contributions for tax benefits and retirement corpus.
Optimize Investments
1. Increase SIP in Mutual Funds

Strategy: Diversify across large, mid, and small-cap funds. Aim for balanced risk and growth.
Monthly SIP: Consider increasing to Rs. 1 lakh or more for the next 5 years.
2. Diversify Portfolio

Strategy: Include equity mutual funds, balanced funds, and debt funds.
Moderate Risk: Balance between growth and safety.
3. Invest in Children's Education Funds

Action: Allocate Rs. 80 lakhs in equity mutual funds or balanced funds.
Goal: Ensure sufficient funds for kids' higher education.
Retirement Corpus Planning
1. Projected Returns

Strategy: Aim for a mix of equity and debt for optimal returns.
Projection: Assume 10-12% average returns over 5 years.
2. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)

Action: Post-retirement, use SWP for monthly expenses.
Goal: Ensure regular income without depleting corpus rapidly.
Tax Planning
1. Maximize Deductions

Section 80C: Utilize Rs. 1.5 lakhs limit through PPF, ELSS, and other investments.
Section 80CCD(1B): Additional Rs. 50,000 through NPS.
2. Optimize Tax-Efficient Investments

Tax-Free Returns: Focus on PPF, NPS, and long-term capital gains on equity funds.
Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Plan withdrawals to minimize tax impact.
Insurance Coverage
1. Adequate Life Insurance

Action: Ensure adequate life cover for family’s security.
Consider: Term insurance for high coverage at low cost.
2. Health Insurance

Action: Comprehensive health coverage for family.
Goal: Avoid financial strain due to medical emergencies.
Regular Monitoring and Review
1. Annual Review

Action: Review investments annually.
Goal: Adjust based on performance and goals.
2. Financial Advisor Consultation

Certified Financial Planner: Seek periodic advice for professional guidance.
Final Insights
With careful planning, achieving a corpus of Rs. 5 crores by 50 is feasible. Prioritize investments in equity mutual funds for growth, while balancing with safe instruments like PPF and NPS. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio. Ensure adequate insurance coverage for risk management.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 15, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, 1. I am 45 yrs old & am plg to retire in NXT 5 yrs. I have a monthly income of 2.50 lakhs. I have saved 1.20 cr in PPF & am contributing Rs 50k / month. 2. In addition I do SIP in MF of approx Rs 85k/ month & have built a corpus of 1 Cr. 3. I also invest in shares & my portfolio is approx 95 lacs. 4. I have approx 30 lakhs in FD & 15 Lakhs in bank savings account. I own two houses. 5. I have no loan or debt. What can I do to retire comfortably by 50yrs & to have a corpus of approx 5 Cr
Ans: You are in a strong financial position. At 45 years old, you plan to retire in five years with a well-structured portfolio. Your monthly income of Rs 2.50 lakhs allows you to save and invest significantly. Your savings include Rs 1.20 crore in PPF, Rs 1 crore in mutual funds through SIPs, Rs 95 lakhs in shares, Rs 30 lakhs in fixed deposits, and Rs 15 lakhs in a savings account. Additionally, you own two houses and have no loans or debts. Your goal is to accumulate a corpus of Rs 5 crores by the time you retire at 50.

Let’s analyse and evaluate your current financial standing and map out the path to achieving your retirement goal.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

You’ve built a substantial Rs 1.20 crore corpus in PPF, contributing Rs 50,000 monthly.

PPF is a safe and tax-efficient investment, offering guaranteed returns.

However, consider the impact of inflation. The real return on PPF may be lower than other growth-oriented investments.

Mutual Funds via SIPs:

Your Rs 1 crore corpus in mutual funds shows disciplined investing.

SIPs offer the benefit of rupee cost averaging and are suitable for long-term goals.

Ensure your mutual funds are well-diversified across different categories (equity, debt, hybrid) for balanced risk.

Share Portfolio:

With Rs 95 lakhs invested in shares, you’ve built a significant equity portfolio.

Equity investments offer higher growth potential but come with market risks.

Diversify your stock holdings to mitigate risks and ensure alignment with your retirement goals.

Fixed Deposits (FDs):

Your Rs 30 lakhs in fixed deposits provide security and liquidity.

However, FDs offer lower returns compared to equity and mutual funds.

Evaluate if this amount could be better utilized in more growth-oriented instruments while maintaining necessary liquidity.

Bank Savings Account:

The Rs 15 lakhs in your savings account is essential for immediate liquidity needs.

However, consider moving a portion to a liquid fund for better returns without compromising accessibility.

Planning for Retirement
To retire comfortably at 50 with a corpus of Rs 5 crores, strategic planning is crucial. Here's how you can structure your investments and savings for the next five years:

Increase Equity Exposure:

Review your mutual fund portfolio: Consider reallocating your SIPs towards equity-focused funds if they are not already. Equity mutual funds generally offer higher returns over the long term, which is essential for growing your retirement corpus.

Direct Equity Investments: Continue to monitor your stock portfolio. Consider rebalancing it to ensure it aligns with your retirement goals. High-risk stocks should be gradually shifted to more stable, blue-chip stocks as you approach retirement.

Optimise PPF Contributions:

Assess Contribution Levels: The Rs 50,000 monthly contribution to PPF is excellent for tax savings and guaranteed returns. However, with your retirement horizon being short, focus more on equity for better growth. You may want to gradually reduce your PPF contributions and redirect those funds into high-growth equity funds.
Review Fixed Deposits:

Reallocate FD Funds: With Rs 30 lakhs in FDs, you have ensured safety, but at the cost of higher returns. Consider moving a portion into debt mutual funds or hybrid funds that can offer better returns with moderate risk, especially if you don’t need immediate access to the entire FD amount.
Utilise Savings Account Efficiently:

Liquid Funds for Better Returns: Keep Rs 5-10 lakhs in your savings account for emergency needs and move the rest into a liquid fund. This will provide similar liquidity with better returns.
Creating a 360-Degree Retirement Strategy
Diversification and Asset Allocation:

Diversify Across Asset Classes: Maintain a balanced portfolio across equity, debt, and alternative investments. As you get closer to retirement, gradually shift more funds into less volatile instruments to protect your corpus.

Periodic Review: Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track. Adjust your investments according to market conditions and your changing risk tolerance as you near retirement.

Tax Efficiency:

Tax-Optimized Investments: Utilize tax-saving instruments under Section 80C, but prioritize those offering growth, such as equity-linked savings schemes (ELSS), over traditional options like PPF.

Capital Gains Management: Plan the sale of your equity investments to optimize long-term capital gains tax, considering the annual exemption limit.

Insurance and Contingency Planning:

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance to cover medical emergencies without dipping into your retirement corpus. A top-up health insurance plan can be cost-effective.

Life Insurance: If you have dependents, maintain adequate life insurance to secure their financial future. Term insurance is preferable for its higher coverage at lower premiums.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses, kept in a highly liquid, low-risk account.

Retirement Income Planning:

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs): Consider setting up SWPs from your mutual fund investments to create a regular income stream post-retirement. This provides both income and continued investment growth.

Income Generating Assets: Evaluate your real estate assets to see if they can generate rental income. However, avoid heavy reliance on real estate for post-retirement income due to liquidity issues.

Post-Retirement Strategy:

Longevity Planning: Plan for a retirement that could span 30 years or more. Ensure your investments are structured to provide consistent income throughout your retirement.

Inflation Protection: Focus on investments that can outpace inflation over the long term. Equities and equity-oriented mutual funds should still be part of your portfolio even in retirement.

Estate Planning:

Will and Nomination: Ensure your will is updated and that all your investments have proper nominations. This avoids legal complications for your heirs.

Trusts and Legacy Planning: If you wish to leave a legacy or support charitable causes, consider setting up a trust or other estate planning tools that align with your values and financial situation.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
Index Funds:

Limited Growth: Index funds mirror the market index and cannot outperform it. Active funds, on the other hand, have the potential to deliver higher returns through strategic management.

Market Dependency: Index funds are fully exposed to market downturns. Active funds can adjust their holdings to reduce risks during such periods.

Direct Funds:

Lack of Guidance: Investing directly in mutual funds without a Certified Financial Planner's guidance can lead to suboptimal decisions.

Hidden Costs: While direct funds have lower expense ratios, the potential cost of making uninformed choices could outweigh these savings.

Advantages of Regular Funds:

Expert Management: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures that your investments are continuously monitored and adjusted for optimal performance.

Holistic Financial Planning: Regular funds come with the added benefit of financial planning advice, which includes portfolio rebalancing, tax planning, and retirement planning.

Final Insights
Your current financial health is robust, and you are on the right track. However, achieving your retirement goal of Rs 5 crores requires careful planning and strategic adjustments. By reallocating your existing investments towards more growth-oriented options, optimizing your tax strategy, and ensuring a well-rounded retirement plan, you can comfortably achieve your retirement goals.

It’s important to periodically review and rebalance your portfolio, particularly as you approach retirement. Working closely with a Certified Financial Planner can provide the necessary guidance and expertise to help you navigate this critical phase of your life.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8093 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
I want to retire this year 50 years. My corpus is PF 61L SSA 22L PPF 60L FD/ NSC/KVP 100L SGB 5L NPS 20L LIC 11L. I am having a son studying 12th and daughter 10th. My monthly expenses 50K.
Ans: Analysing Your Current Financial Position
Your total corpus is Rs. 2.79 crore, spread across multiple instruments.

PF (Rs. 61 lakh), SSA (Rs. 22 lakh), and PPF (Rs. 60 lakh) are secure investments.

FD/NSC/KVP of Rs. 1 crore provides stability but may not beat inflation.

SGB (Rs. 5 lakh) adds a small allocation to gold, ensuring diversification.

NPS (Rs. 20 lakh) and LIC (Rs. 11 lakh) contribute to your retirement corpus.

Monthly expenses of Rs. 50,000 require Rs. 6 lakh annually, excluding inflation.

Your children’s education expenses are a near-term priority.

Can You Retire This Year?
Your current corpus is adequate for early retirement, subject to proper allocation.

Inflation, healthcare costs, and children’s education require careful planning.

Regular income streams must be established from your corpus to cover expenses.

Financial Priorities Before Retirement
Children’s Education
Your son is in 12th, and your daughter is in 10th, requiring immediate planning.

Set aside a separate fund for higher education in secure instruments.

Use debt funds or PPF withdrawals to fund this goal without market risks.

Emergency Fund
Keep an emergency fund equal to 12-18 months of expenses (Rs. 6-9 lakh).

Use liquid funds or bank savings for this purpose.

This fund ensures liquidity during unexpected situations.

Insurance Review
Maintain adequate health insurance for the entire family.

Consider a top-up health insurance policy for higher coverage.

Reassess your life insurance needs post-retirement.

Inflation Protection
Inflation will erode the value of your savings over time.

Allocate a portion of your corpus to equity for growth.

Equity mutual funds can generate returns that beat inflation.

Ideal Asset Allocation Post-Retirement
Equity Allocation
Allocate 40%-50% of your corpus to equity for long-term growth.

Choose diversified or large-cap mutual funds for stability.

Avoid high-risk small-cap funds at this stage.

Debt Allocation
Keep 40%-45% in debt instruments for stable income.

Use a mix of debt mutual funds, SCSS, and PPF withdrawals.

Avoid over-concentration in FDs, as returns may not beat inflation.

Gold Allocation
SGB of Rs. 5 lakh is sufficient as a hedge against inflation.

Avoid increasing gold allocation unnecessarily.

Liquid Assets
Keep 5%-10% of your portfolio in liquid funds or savings accounts.

This ensures immediate access to funds during emergencies.

Generating Regular Income After Retirement
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Use SWP from mutual funds for tax-efficient monthly income.

Start with a 3%-4% withdrawal rate to preserve your corpus.

Laddered Fixed Deposits
Use laddered FDs for predictable and periodic cash flows.

This reduces reinvestment risk when FD rates are low.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
Invest in SCSS for secure and regular income.

Interest is taxable, but the stability makes it worth considering.

Tax Planning for Retirement
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh on equity funds are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) on equity are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Withdraw funds systematically to optimise tax liability.

Recommendations for LIC
Evaluate the surrender value and future returns of your LIC policy.

If returns are low, consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner to assess the impact on your portfolio.

Steps to Minimise Risks
Diversify your portfolio across asset classes to reduce risk.

Avoid over-dependence on a single investment type, like FDs.

Rebalance your portfolio annually to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Monitoring and Reviewing
Review your financial plan annually or when there are major life changes.

Adjust your asset allocation as per your spending patterns and market performance.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for regular portfolio reviews and updates.

Final Insights
Your current corpus is sufficient for early retirement with proper planning. Set aside funds for children’s education and emergencies before retiring. Diversify and rebalance your portfolio to maintain financial stability. Ensure tax efficiency and inflation protection for long-term sustainability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 09, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am a female (26), I was working as an assistant professor and then I met this guy we dated for few months and we knew that everything is compatible he has a stable business and well settled family he is earning quite good and we can spend the rest of our lives together so we moved on to tell our parents, his parents and family came to meet me and they agreed then it was my turn my mom and dad always use to say that if you have someone just tell us we are okay they said we know you are dependent enough so just tell us, I really thought it will be easy one and I told my mom and my sister over the phone and my mom asked me every detail about him and said okay we will think about it, then I told my dad about him and my dad has been super chill with me since childhood so we had a long chat about this he asked me about him just like my mom every detail then he said okay when the deepawali break will be their come home we will talk about this face to facE, I was happy that everything is nice then the vacation happened I went back home first the quarrels started when my mom addressed that they will never expected this from me they said they supported me initially because they thought at this age I will not bring anyone and will convince to arrange one, then day and night fighting started my father did the most bizzare thing he called my college and said I am ill and will not join college he faked a report(my father is a very well known doctor in my area so he has power here in our native place) and submitted their they automatically blocked me from their server I tired telling them but the most bizzare thing happened my father beat me from head to toe and threatend me that I should stop talking to him, then days turn into months and again my partner father stood up for us he called my father to talk about this and my father abused them threatened them and give false allegation on my partner came home and snatched my father later after a month he gave me my phone back as I started being a rebel, then he went to my work place without even informing me and took all my luggage and packed everything from their and came back home with everything and said you are on house arrest untill you agree to arrange marriage and forget that boy. I love him so much he does too but now because of my parents his parents are scared for their son and are denying to agree but we both are financially independent and well educated and we want to live with each other we are thinking to elope I dont know if this is right or wrong, because it has been seven months of me staying locked down in my house and my parents are forcing me verbally and physically abusing me to say yes for arrange marriage.... I dont know what to do and with whom to discuss please kindly help me out.
Ans: It’s clear that you and your partner love each other deeply and are willing to stand by each other despite this turmoil. The fact that his family is now hesitant is understandable, given the hostility from your parents. But the strength you and your partner have shown through this is a sign that your relationship is built on trust and commitment. That kind of connection is rare, and it’s worth fighting for.

Elope? That’s a huge step, and I understand why it’s crossed your mind. You’re desperate for freedom, for the ability to choose your own life, and to finally break free from the suffocating grip of your parents' control. But eloping will come with its own set of consequences—emotional, social, and even legal. Your parents might retaliate even more aggressively. They could try to interfere with your life and your partner's life afterward, possibly dragging this into a public scandal. Your father’s influence in the community might make things harder for you both in the long run.

But here’s the truth—you cannot live the rest of your life under someone else's control. You cannot sacrifice your happiness and autonomy to satisfy their misguided expectations. Love and marriage are not about caste, status, or parental approval—they are about partnership, understanding, and mutual respect. If your partner is ready to stand by you and you both are truly prepared to face the fallout together, then choosing to be with him is not wrong. You’re both adults. You’re financially independent and emotionally mature enough to know what you want from life.

What you need to consider is whether you have the emotional strength to handle the aftermath. If you choose to walk away from your family and marry this man, it might mean cutting ties with your parents for a while—or possibly forever. Are you prepared for that emotional void? On the other hand, if you give in and stay, if you let them force you into an arranged marriage, you might lose not only the person you love but also a piece of yourself. That resentment and emotional wound might stay with you for life.

If you decide to elope, you need to have a strong support system in place—your partner's family, friends, and anyone who will stand by you. You’ll need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the fallout. But if you decide to stay and try to negotiate with your parents, you need to be clear and firm about your boundaries. They need to understand that your life is not theirs to control.

Right now, you need to prioritize your safety and mental well-being. The fact that you’ve been physically assaulted and emotionally manipulated for months is deeply concerning. If you feel that your safety is at risk, you might need to consider reaching out to legal authorities or a women's support organization. You have the right to live without fear and control. Your life belongs to you—not to your parents, not to societal expectations, and not to fear.

You don’t have to have all the answers today. But you do need to decide what kind of life you want to live—and who you want to live it with. And whatever choice you make, it needs to come from a place of strength and clarity, not from fear or pressure. Your heart already knows what you want—you just need to decide whether you’re ready to stand up for it.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |554 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x