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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi, we are a couple with monthly income of 7.5L per month (after tax & PF, NPS savings). Have around 50L in FDs, 1Cr in PF, 22L in NPS and 20L in stocks/Mutual Funds. Our expenses are around 2L pm and have a Home loan of 50L. We own 2 flats & land having value of around 11.5 Cr. Need to create a corpus of 10 Cr within next 10 year to retire. Can invest around 3L every month & can increase it by 8~10% every year. Our age is 45 & 42 years. Please advise how we can we achieve this.

Ans: Evaluating Your Financial Situation
You and your spouse have a combined monthly income of Rs 7.5 lakhs after tax and savings in PF and NPS. You have an existing portfolio consisting of:

Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs 50 lakhs
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 1 crore
National Pension System (NPS): Rs 22 lakhs
Stocks/Mutual Funds: Rs 20 lakhs
Home loan outstanding: Rs 50 lakhs
Real estate assets (2 flats and land): Rs 11.5 crores
Your monthly expenses are around Rs 2 lakhs, and you aim to create a corpus of Rs 10 crores within the next 10 years. You can invest Rs 3 lakhs per month, increasing this by 8-10% annually. Let's explore a strategy to achieve this goal.

Setting a Retirement Corpus Target
To reach your goal of Rs 10 crores in 10 years, a systematic and disciplined investment approach is necessary. Considering your high monthly savings potential, diversification and growth-oriented investments will be key.

Monthly Investment Strategy
Start with Equity Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity mutual funds. These funds typically offer higher returns compared to other asset classes over the long term.

Balanced Advantage Funds: Consider these for a balance between equity and debt, reducing risk while still offering growth.

Debt Instruments for Stability
Debt Mutual Funds: These provide stability and lower risk compared to equity funds, suitable for part of your portfolio.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): PPF offers tax benefits and assured returns, providing a stable component to your portfolio.

Increasing SIP Contributions
Given your ability to increase investments by 8-10% annually, start with an SIP of Rs 3 lakhs per month. Increase your SIPs annually to keep pace with your income growth and inflation.

Portfolio Diversification
Diversify Across Asset Classes
Large Cap Funds: These funds are less volatile and provide stable returns over the long term.

Mid Cap and Small Cap Funds: Allocate a portion to these funds for higher growth potential, though they carry more risk.

Sector-Specific Funds: Consider investing in specific sectors like technology or healthcare, which have high growth potential.

Review and Adjust Regularly
Monitor Performance
Regular Reviews: Review your portfolio every six months to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Rebalance Portfolio: Adjust your investments based on performance and market conditions to stay on track.

Avoid Index Funds
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Returns: Index funds only match market returns and do not aim to outperform.

Lack of Flexibility: They cannot react quickly to market changes, potentially missing out on higher returns.

Actively Managed Funds Advantage
Professional Management: These funds benefit from the expertise of fund managers who make informed decisions.

Higher Returns: Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market, providing better growth potential.

Direct Funds vs Regular Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Lack of Guidance: Direct funds do not offer professional guidance, which can be crucial for optimal investment decisions.

Time-Consuming: Managing direct investments can be time-consuming and complex without expert help.

Benefits of Regular Funds via MFD with CFP Credential
Expert Advice: Regular funds provide access to certified financial planners who can offer tailored advice.

Comprehensive Planning: Investing through a CFP ensures a holistic approach to financial planning.

Better Performance: Professional management often results in better performance compared to self-managed direct funds.

Education Planning for Children
Education Savings Plans
Dedicated Education Funds: Invest in plans specifically designed for education to build a sufficient corpus for your children’s higher education.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: If you have daughters, this scheme offers attractive interest rates and tax benefits.

Balancing Current and Future Needs
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of expenses for unforeseen events.

Debt Management: Continue servicing your home loan, ensuring it doesn’t burden your future finances.

Achieving Your Corpus Goal
Target Corpus Calculation
Assuming an average annual return of 12%, your monthly investments need to grow consistently. Start with Rs 3 lakhs per month and increase it by 8-10% yearly. This disciplined approach will help you reach your goal of Rs 10 crores.

Importance of Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner: Regular consultations with a CFP will ensure you stay on track and make necessary adjustments.

Tailored Advice: A CFP can provide tailored advice based on your specific financial situation and goals.

Final Thoughts
Your current financial health is strong, and your disciplined savings approach will help you achieve your retirement goal. Regular investments, portfolio diversification, and professional guidance are key to your success.

Staying on Course
Regular Reviews: Stay informed about your investments and review them periodically.

Flexibility: Be ready to adjust your strategy based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Discipline: Maintain a disciplined approach to savings and investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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Money
Me and my wife have a corpus of 45 lakhs invested in various MFs and currently doing SIPs of 65000 pm in large/mid and small segments. Apart from that very negligible amount is invested in PPF (3lakhs). I am 43 and my wife is 42 yrs old and have 2 child(11 yrs amd 5 yrs). What is the best way to create a corpus of 1 cr for their education needs in around 8- 10 years and saving for my retirement. Obligation 66 lakhs home loan going on with emi of 54000 pm. Kindly suggest
Ans: Creating a Robust Financial Plan for Education and Retirement

Congratulations on your disciplined approach towards savings and investments. Your commitment to securing a financial future for your family is commendable. Let's assess your current situation and explore strategies to create a corpus of ?1 crore for your children's education and plan for your retirement.

Current Financial Situation
Corpus in Mutual Funds: ?45 lakhs
Monthly SIPs: ?65,000 in large, mid, and small-cap segments
PPF Investment: ?3 lakhs
Home Loan: ?66 lakhs with an EMI of ?54,000 per month
Children's Ages: 11 and 5 years
Goals
Education Corpus: ?1 crore in 8-10 years
Retirement Planning
Education Planning Strategy
Assessing the Required Investment
To achieve ?1 crore in 8-10 years, you need a strategic investment approach. Mutual funds, particularly those with a strong track record, can help achieve this goal.

Diversification and Allocation
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity funds are ideal for long-term goals due to their potential for high returns. Given your timeline, a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds would be prudent. These funds provide a balance of stability and growth.

Balanced Advantage Funds
These funds adjust their allocation between equity and debt based on market conditions. They offer growth potential with lower volatility, suitable for medium to long-term goals.

Debt Mutual Funds
As you approach your goal, gradually shifting a portion of your corpus to debt funds can help preserve capital. Debt funds are less volatile and provide stable returns.

Suggested Investment Allocation
Continue Existing SIPs
Maintain your current SIPs of ?65,000 per month in large, mid, and small-cap funds. These segments offer diversification and growth potential.

Increase SIP Amount Gradually
As your income grows, consider increasing your SIP amount. Even a small increase can significantly impact your corpus over time.

Separate Education Fund
Open a separate investment account dedicated to your children's education. Allocate a portion of your SIPs specifically towards this goal.

Retirement Planning Strategy
Review and Realign
Assess Current Investments
Review your current mutual fund investments. Ensure they are aligned with your long-term retirement goals. A mix of equity and balanced advantage funds can provide growth and stability.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Although your PPF investment is currently negligible, consider increasing contributions. PPF offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns, making it a safe and effective long-term investment.

Regular Monitoring
Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance it to maintain the desired asset allocation and risk profile. Consulting a certified financial planner (CFP) can provide personalized guidance.

Home Loan Management
Balancing EMI and Investments
EMI Affordability
Your home loan EMI is significant at ?54,000 per month. Ensure this does not compromise your ability to invest for future goals. Balancing EMI payments with investments is crucial.

Prepayment Strategy
Consider making periodic prepayments on your home loan. Reducing your loan principal can save on interest and shorten the loan tenure. Ensure this does not affect your investment capacity for education and retirement.

Conclusion
Achieving ?1 crore for your children's education in 8-10 years and planning for retirement is feasible with a strategic approach. Continue your disciplined SIP investments, consider increasing your PPF contributions, and regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. Managing your home loan effectively will also play a critical role. Consulting a certified financial planner can provide tailored advice and ensure your financial goals are met efficiently.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Money
Hello sir, I am 38 years old.. I have a daughter of 9 year..my net monthly income is 1.27 lacs after payment of rs. 25000 of my home loan emi. I have a home loan of outstanding 26 lacs. I have around 45 lacs in mutual fund, 15 lacs in bank FD, 28 lacs in life insurance policies and 16 lacs in daughter's sukanya samriddhi account. I want to create a corpus of rs. 10 cr in next 10 years.. please guide
Ans: Creating a corpus of Rs. 10 crores in the next 10 years is an ambitious but achievable goal. Let's analyze your current financial situation and create a detailed plan to help you reach your objective.

Current Financial Snapshot
Income and Expenses:

Monthly Income: Rs. 1.27 lakh
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 25,000
Net Monthly Income after EMI: Rs. 1.02 lakh
Existing Investments:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 45 lakh
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 15 lakh
Life Insurance Policies: Rs. 28 lakh
Sukanya Samriddhi Account: Rs. 16 lakh
Home Loan Outstanding:

Rs. 26 lakh
Strategy to Achieve Rs. 10 Crores in 10 Years
Step 1: Enhance Savings and Investments
Evaluate Monthly Savings:

With a net income of Rs. 1.02 lakh after EMI, you should aim to save and invest a significant portion.
Assume you save 50% of this amount, which is Rs. 51,000 per month.
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

SIPs are a disciplined way to invest regularly in mutual funds.
Allocate Rs. 51,000 per month towards SIPs in a diversified portfolio of equity mutual funds.
Increase your SIP amount by 10% each year to account for salary increments and inflation.
Step 2: Diversify Your Investments
Mutual Funds:

Continue investing in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap equity mutual funds.
Consider adding sector-specific funds for more growth opportunities.
Hybrid Funds:

Allocate a portion to aggressive hybrid funds for a balanced risk-return profile.
These funds invest in both equity and debt instruments.
Debt Funds:

Maintain some investments in debt mutual funds for stability and lower risk.
Debt funds can provide liquidity and reduce overall portfolio volatility.
Step 3: Optimize Existing Investments
Fixed Deposits:

FDs offer low returns. Gradually move funds from FDs to higher-yielding investments.
Keep a small portion in FDs for emergency funds.
Life Insurance Policies:

Evaluate the performance and returns of your life insurance policies.
If they are not performing well, consider surrendering or partially withdrawing and reinvesting in mutual funds.
Sukanya Samriddhi Account:

Continue contributing to your daughter’s Sukanya Samriddhi Account.
It offers tax benefits and good returns, securing her future.
Step 4: Accelerate Debt Repayment
Home Loan:

Consider prepaying your home loan with surplus funds to reduce interest burden.
Aim to be debt-free sooner, freeing up more money for investments.
Step 5: Plan for Tax Efficiency
Tax-Advantaged Investments:

Utilize tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) for long-term capital gains and tax deductions.
Maximize contributions to PF and PPF for tax benefits and stable returns.
Step 6: Monitor and Rebalance Portfolio
Regular Reviews:

Conduct quarterly reviews of your investment portfolio.
Rebalance to maintain desired asset allocation and capture market opportunities.
Stay Informed:

Keep yourself updated with market trends and financial news.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner for professional guidance.
Understanding Mutual Funds: Categories, Advantages, and Risks
Equity Mutual Funds:

Invest in stocks, offering high returns but with higher risk.
Ideal for long-term goals like retirement and wealth creation.
Categories: Large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, sector-specific.
Hybrid Mutual Funds:

Mix of equity and debt investments, balancing risk and return.
Suitable for moderate risk-takers.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Invest in fixed-income securities, offering stability and lower risk.
Suitable for conservative investors and short-term goals.
Advantages of Mutual Funds:

Diversification reduces risk by investing in various securities.
Professional management by experienced fund managers.
Liquidity allows easy buying and selling of units.
SIPs promote disciplined investing and cost averaging.
Tax benefits through ELSS funds.
Risks of Mutual Funds:

Market risk affects equity funds due to market fluctuations.
Credit risk in debt funds if issuers default.
Interest rate risk impacts debt funds with changing rates.
Liquidity risk in some funds, making it hard to sell holdings without losses.
Power of Compounding
Compounding is earning returns on both initial principal and accumulated returns.
Longer investment duration amplifies the compounding effect.
Start early and stay invested for maximum benefits.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct Funds:

Bought directly from fund houses, saving on distributor commissions.
Lower expense ratios but lack guidance from professionals.
Disadvantages:

No expert advice, leading to suboptimal choices.
Time-consuming and requires significant effort.
Risk of mismanagement without professional guidance.
Benefits of Regular Funds through MFD with CFP Credential:

Expert advice and professional management.
Customized portfolios based on goals and risk tolerance.
Ongoing support and regular portfolio reviews.
Peace of mind knowing investments are managed by professionals.
Action Plan to Achieve Rs. 10 Crore Goal
Enhance Monthly Savings:

Save and invest Rs. 51,000 per month in diversified mutual funds.
Increase SIPs by 10% annually.
Diversify Investments:

Continue with equity mutual funds, adding sector-specific and hybrid funds.
Maintain some debt funds for stability.
Optimize Existing Investments:

Move funds from FDs to higher-yielding investments.
Evaluate and possibly reinvest insurance policies in mutual funds.
Accelerate Debt Repayment:

Prepay home loan to reduce interest burden and free up funds.
Plan for Tax Efficiency:

Utilize ELSS, PF, and PPF for tax benefits and stable returns.
Regularly Review and Rebalance Portfolio:

Conduct quarterly reviews and rebalance as needed.
Stay informed about market trends and seek professional advice.
Final Insights
Achieving a corpus of Rs. 10 crores in 10 years requires disciplined saving, smart investing, and regular portfolio management. Diversify your investments, optimize existing assets, and aim for tax efficiency. Prepay your home loan to reduce debt burden and free up funds for investments. Stay committed to your SIPs, increase them annually, and regularly review your portfolio. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice and peace of mind. By following this comprehensive plan, you can achieve your financial goal and secure your family's future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

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Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
Relationship
Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |127 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello Dr.Shakeeb, I’m a 55 yrs male, had stents implanted in 2020 because of bad food habits and lack of regular movement, things have improved since then with better control on food habits. My problem is belly fat which is embarrassing and my weight is 77kgs, I was on knee braces for last 30 days bcoz of a slight ligament strain, so not able to do strenuous exercises. Pls suggest a workable regime for belly fat elimination considering my case history.
Ans: Hello Sir. Thank you for your query. Reducing belly fat requires a combination of calorie control, low-impact exercises, and lifestyle changes, tailored to your health history. Start by maintaining a slight calorie deficit of 200-300 kcal/day, focusing on a balanced diet rich in lean proteins, complex carbs, and healthy fats while avoiding sugary and processed foods. Drink 2-3 liters of water daily to stay hydrated. Engage in low-impact activities like brisk walking for 30-40 minutes daily, which is gentle on the knees and heart-friendly. Incorporate simple core-strengthening exercises such as pelvic tilts, seated knee lifts, and standing side bends to activate abdominal muscles without straining your knees. As your ligament strain heals, consult Physiotherapist about gradually increasing exercise intensity, including light resistance training. Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep and manage stress through mindfulness to lower cortisol levels, which can contribute to belly fat. Small, frequent meals can keep your metabolism active, and tracking progress through waist measurements rather than just weight will help you stay motivated. These adjustments will promote gradual, sustainable fat loss while ensuring safety and heart health. I wish you healthy and active lifestyle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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