My child often misbehaves in public, throws a tantrum. He is fine at home. I don't know how to handle it gently. I feel like a failed parent. How can I be stern?

Ans: Hi there! As adults, our arguments in a marriage or relationship are inevitable. But with kids around, we need to be more cognisant of the fact that kids get influenced very quickly. Since their emotional spectrums are being developed when they experience arguments or fights, they begin to believe that is normal , but since they are unable to process the frustration that arises , they tend to take it out in their own behaviour with their peers and in their social settings. The best way to address this with the child is through a counsellor or a therapist. As parents who are arguing or fighting, you are the trigger or their anger and instability and the trust factor or the feeling of you being the safe space for them has been compromised. Have your child consult a professional coach or counsellor who will ensure the child gets a safe space to express and will help re build the bridge between you and your child with their expertise of handling the child's psychology and helping your son process his feelings.

Ans: Hi Divya, the ideal situation would be for parents and children to have no concerns. But all emotions are important. And developmental skills are age related. A child who is misbehaving and throwing a tantrum is demanding attention. We all need attention. I would suggest the following strategies: 1. Stay Calm: when you and the child are both losing cool, it does not work. Staying cool is being in command. go down on your knees and talk in a slow base tone, after the initial tantrum is over. 2.Distraction technique: Show a child something pretty, the sky, a butterfly, ask your child to help you with something. Bribery does not work, like " I ll give you a sweet if you stop crying, now." That gives the child the power to affect you. 3. Carry a Bag: A bag of few favorite things like a comic, colours and book, a toy and something to eat and a water bottle, it supports a child to keep busy in a grown-up public world. 4. Familiarise: Show a photograph of the place and the people the child would meet, to help child get acclimatised to the space and people. 5. Lastly, let your child wear comfortable clothes, and have a full tummy.

Ans: Dear Shubham,
How is it possible for a 5-year old to understand logic when he is throwing an emotional fit (tantrum)?
Like you said it yourself; when it could have been stopped and changed, it wasn't done. He probably felt that it was fine to behave 'violently' (though I don't understand the context in which you use this word).
Now. all of a sudden when you and your wife are trying to stop him, he is pulling away as this behaviour was rewarded earlier. he has your earlier silence as your love and affection for which which he fears will be withdrawn now if he stops his behaviour.
So, logic isn't going to work; it doesn't work with adults, and here the child is merely 5 years.
So undoing what was done is going to take a lot of effort and patience (beyond all the talk that you and yoir wife are doing).
Start by:
- ignoring his tantrums; he will time-out himself in exhaustion
- talking to him at his eye level; get down on your knees, so he doesn't feel intimidated by your height
- hugging him a lot; a caring touch is worth a thousand words
- telling him how excited you both were when he was born; this can ensure that he will be special even after the arrival of the new baby
- distracting him with creative things; story telling and fine motor skill games improve focus and concentration
- cutting down on foods filled with sugar; sugar boost is artificial and can make a child or anyone go a little anxious
- ensuring him that he is loved a lot; saying it aloud while hugging him will soften his behaviour over time

Try these and I hope they work. If not, kindly without delay seek an appointment with a professional who can deal with children at your son's age.

All the best!

Ans: Check if he is able to accept No and have waiting skills. Incase not, you can first work on it. Give him but delay it and give him what he wants immediately. If he is not able to adjust to a group it can be due to various reasons,we need to check that.

Ans: We need to understand her function of the behaviour tantrums. How is her speech? You can give her some calming sensory Activities to regulate. We need to have a proper analysis to understand the deep rooted causes.