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Mayank

Mayank Rautela  | Answer  |Ask -

HR Expert - Answered on May 14, 2023

Mayank Rautela is the group chief human resources officer at Apollo Hospitals.
A management graduate from the Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies with a master's degree in labour laws from Pune University, Rautela has over 20 years of experience in general management, strategic human resources, global mergers and integrations and change management.... more
Senthil Question by Senthil on Apr 17, 2023Hindi
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Career

Hi mayank , I am 54 , Civil engineer with an experience of 30 years in building residential projects and bank loan processing, I am financially well off and settled my only son in a good position and he is doing well and smart. My wife is compelling me to take retirement asking "how long will you toil like this ? Why don't you think about yourself? You always thought about us and your parents" . What should I do? I can't imagine myself just sitting idle , I take atleast 50 phone calls per day and instructing my staff over issues

Ans: I think your should continue as long as you are healthy and like your job. You can possibly slow down and not take additional projects so that you spend more time for self and family
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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Money
Really after reading comments of yours on this qn "I am 48 years old I am planning to quit. I have 3 lands worth 85 lakhs, FD 15 lakhs, PF 60 lakhs, MF 50, 3 houses"...I think this generation should never ever think of getting retirement...He who takes a knife will die by the knife...such he who learns , who earns, will die by learning continuously earning continuously...funny but true
Ans: It sounds like you're reflecting on the challenges and expectations of retirement in the modern era. Indeed, the notion of retirement has evolved significantly, and for many people, the traditional idea of retiring at a set age and living off savings may seem increasingly out of reach or unappealing.

Here are a few points to consider about retirement and continuous engagement in work or learning:

Lifelong Learning and Adaptation: The rapid pace of technological and societal change means that staying engaged and continuously learning can be crucial for personal and professional growth. Many people find fulfillment in staying active intellectually and professionally.

Financial Security: The financial landscape has shifted, with many facing uncertainties related to pensions, savings, and healthcare costs. Ensuring a stable financial future often requires ongoing income or strategic financial planning.

Purpose and Fulfillment: For some, work provides a sense of purpose and identity. Retirement doesn’t necessarily mean stopping all productive activities; many people transition to new careers, volunteer work, or pursue hobbies and interests that keep them engaged and fulfilled.

Health and Longevity: Advances in healthcare have increased life expectancy, meaning that many people will spend more years in retirement than previous generations. This requires careful financial and lifestyle planning to maintain a good quality of life over a longer period.

Diverse Retirement Goals: Retirement is highly individual. Some may dream of leisure and travel, while others may prefer to start new ventures or continue working part-time. Flexibility in retirement planning can help accommodate diverse goals and lifestyles.

In summary, while the concept of retirement is changing, it doesn't mean that people can't retire; it just means that retirement might look different for each person. Balancing continuous learning and earning with rest and leisure is key to a fulfilling life at any stage.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 29, 2024Hindi
Money
Dear sir, I am 52 yrs old working in private organization . Due to work pressure and stress , I wish retire now. Having following saving/ investment. LIC - 25L, MF and equity- 20 lacs, real estate- 1 Cr. No EMI. Monthly expenses - 30K. Is it rt decision to retire now? Thank in advance...
Ans: Shiva, I understand that you're considering retiring early due to work pressure and stress. It’s important to ensure your financial stability before making such a big decision. Let's take a closer look at your financial situation and how you can optimize it to make your retirement plan more feasible and comfortable.

Current Financial Overview
Your current assets include:

LIC Policies: Rs. 25 lakhs
Mutual Funds and Equity: Rs. 20 lakhs
Real Estate: Rs. 1 crore
You have no EMIs, and your monthly expenses are Rs. 30,000. This gives you a strong foundation, but there’s room for optimization.

Monthly Expenses and Future Projections
Your monthly expenses are Rs. 30,000, which amounts to Rs. 3.6 lakhs annually. Considering an average inflation rate of 6%, your expenses will increase over time. It’s important to plan for this gradual increase to ensure your savings last throughout your retirement.

Assessing Your Investments
LIC Policies
Surrendering LIC Policies

LIC policies provide security, but they may not offer the best returns compared to other investment options like mutual funds.

Consider surrendering your LIC policies and reinvesting the proceeds in mutual funds. This can provide better growth and more flexibility.

Mutual Funds and Equity
1. Benefits of Mutual Funds

Mutual funds offer diversification, professional management, and the potential for higher returns. Here’s why mutual funds can be a better option:

Diversification: Spread your investments across different sectors and companies, reducing risk.
Professional Management: Fund managers make informed decisions on where to invest your money.
Compounding: Over time, your investments can grow significantly due to the power of compounding.
2. Types of Mutual Funds to Consider

Invest in a mix of mutual funds to balance risk and returns:

Equity Mutual Funds: These invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns. Suitable for long-term growth.
Debt Mutual Funds: These invest in bonds and are less volatile. They provide stability and regular income.
Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These invest in both equities and debt, providing a balance between growth and stability.
3. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

A SIP allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This instills discipline and benefits from rupee cost averaging, reducing the impact of market volatility.

4. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)

An SWP provides regular income by withdrawing a fixed amount from your mutual fund investments. This can be a reliable source of income in retirement.

Implementing a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
1. How SWP Works

In an SWP, you invest a lump sum in a mutual fund and withdraw a fixed amount periodically. This provides you with regular income while your remaining investment continues to grow.

2. Setting Up an SWP

Choose the Right Fund: Opt for a balanced or debt mutual fund to ensure stability.
Determine the Withdrawal Amount: Calculate your monthly expenses and set your withdrawal amount accordingly. Ensure it’s sustainable over the long term.
Monitor and Adjust: Regularly review your SWP to ensure it meets your income needs and adjust if necessary.
Managing Real Estate
1. Rental Income

If your real estate can generate rental income, this can be a steady source of funds. Ensure the rental income covers a substantial part of your monthly expenses.

2. Liquidity Considerations

Real estate is not very liquid. If you need cash quickly, selling property might take time. Hence, it’s crucial to have other liquid investments.

Healthcare and Insurance
1. Adequate Health Insurance

Ensure you have sufficient health insurance coverage. Medical emergencies can deplete your savings quickly. Consider enhancing your existing policy if necessary.

2. Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This should be easily accessible and cover at least 6-12 months of living expenses.

Inflation Protection
1. Growth-Oriented Investments

Keep a portion of your portfolio in growth-oriented investments like equity mutual funds. This helps in beating inflation and maintaining your purchasing power.

2. Regular Review

Regularly review and adjust your investments to ensure they are aligned with your financial goals and inflation rate.

Retirement Withdrawal Strategy
1. 4% Rule

A commonly recommended strategy is the 4% rule. Withdraw 4% of your retirement portfolio annually, adjusted for inflation. This strategy helps balance income needs and preserve capital.

2. Diversify Withdrawals

Diversify your withdrawal sources. Combine income from SWPs, rental income, and other investments to ensure stability and sustainability.

Detailed Mutual Fund Strategy
1. Equity Mutual Funds

Invest in large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for growth. Large-cap funds offer stability, while mid-cap and small-cap funds provide higher growth potential.

2. Debt Mutual Funds

Invest in short-term and long-term debt funds for stability. These funds provide regular income with lower volatility.

3. Hybrid Funds

Hybrid funds, which invest in both equity and debt, offer a balanced approach. They provide growth and income stability.

Benefits of Regular Mutual Funds
1. Professional Management

Regular funds are managed by professionals. They make informed investment decisions, helping you achieve better returns.

2. Convenience

Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials offers convenience. They handle paperwork and provide regular updates.

3. Diversification

Mutual funds offer diversification, spreading investments across different assets, reducing risk.

Avoiding Direct Funds
1. Lack of Guidance

Direct funds require you to choose and manage your investments. This can be challenging without proper knowledge and experience.

2. Time-Consuming

Managing direct funds requires regular monitoring and adjustments. This can be time-consuming and stressful.

Final Insights
Shiva, your decision to retire is significant, and with careful planning, it’s achievable. Here’s a summary to guide you:

Surrender LIC Policies: Reinvest the proceeds in mutual funds for better growth.
Diversify Mutual Fund Investments: Balance between equity, debt, and hybrid funds.
Set Up an SWP: Ensure a regular income stream while keeping your investments growing.
Generate Rental Income: If possible, use rental income to support your expenses.
Maintain Health Insurance and Emergency Fund: Ensure you are covered for unforeseen expenses.
Regular Review and Adjustments: Periodically review your investments and make necessary adjustments.
By following these steps, you can retire comfortably and confidently, knowing that your financial future is secure.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi
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Money
HI, I am 51 , working in a MNC earning around Rs 3 lacs in hand , wife is working and earning around 1.15 lacs in hand.We have 2 kids, daughter in Bsc first year and son in 8th grade. I am writing to seek advice about my retirement as I have absolutely no desire/motivation to work now. Below is my financial status. Pl advice whether I should retire or not. Pl note my wife wants to work still: We have around 1.75 cr in mutual funds and shares. 35 lacs in FD 40 lacs in PPF 85 lacs in PF 90 lacs in other things (NSC/Kisan/LIC, savings a/c, loan to others) I will get around 12 lacs in gratuity. We get rent of approx. Rs 65K/month gross Besides the house we live in , we have 3 other properties worth 8cr Gold around 40 lacs I have no EMI's . My monthly expenses are around 3 lacs , but after 2 years , will reduce by 1.2 lac ,as my daughter will complete graduation and after that she will be on her own. But then similar expense will be added as son moves to higher classes. Now a major thing. My son had severe health issue and had a organ transplant a year back. That incident has shattered me completely and is main reason for my desire to retire as I want to spend lot of time with him which currently I can't ,due to job. Otherwise also I am fed up of jobs now as have never been too successful and reach top levels. Kindly advice.
Ans: Current Financial Position
Age 51 years
Occupation Presently working in an MNC
Monthly Income Rs 3 lakhs
Wife's Monthly Income Rs 1.15 lakhs
Children Daughter doing BSc 1st year, Son studying in 8th standard
Monthly Expenses Rs 3 lakhs (assuming it will reduce by Rs 1.2 lakhs in two years time)
Assets
Mutual Funds and Shares Rs 1.75 crore
Fixed Deposits Rs 35 lakhs
PPF Rs 40 lakhs
PF Rs 85 lakhs
Other Investments (NSC/Kisan/LIC, Savings A/C, Loans): Rs 90 lakhs
Gratuity: Rs 12 lakhs (expected)
Rental Income: Rs 65,000 per month
Properties: 3 properties worth Rs 8 crore (besides the house you live in)
Gold: Rs 40 lakhs
Retirement Consideration
Financial Stability

You have a good size portfolio.
Monthly expenses are Rs 3 lakhs, against which rental income will also contribute.
Assets should yield a comfortable retirement corpus.
Current Investments

Mutual Funds and Shares: Rs 1.75 crore
Fixed Deposits: Rs 35 lakhs
PPF: Rs 40 lakhs
PF: Rs 85 lakhs
Other Investments: Rs 90 lakhs
Gold: Rs 40 lakhs
Recommendations
Income Stream Analysis

Rental Income: Rs 65,000 per month
Wife's Income: Rs 1.15 lakhs per month
Total Monthly Income Post-Retirement: Rs 1.8 lakhs
Expense Management

Current expenses: Rs 3 lakhs per month
Expected reduction: Rs 1.2 lakhs after 2 years
Future expenses can be managed with existing income and assets.
Investment Strategy

Mutual Funds: Continue for long-term growth.
PPF and PF: Provide stability and tax benefits.
Fixed Deposits: Can consider switching over to higher-return options.
Gold: Continue maintaining for diversification.
Health and Insurance

Adequate health insurance to be maintained for the family.
Insurance cover to be provided for son's medical requirements.
Additional Measures
Increase contributions towards retirement-targeted investments.
An emergency fund to meet unexpected expenses is always to be maintained.
Periodic review and rebalancing of the investment portfolio is a must.
Financial Objectives
Retirement Corpus

The corpus to be adequate to support monthly expenses and inflation.
Dovetail into an adequate mix of assets yielding a steady income.
Education and Marriage of Child

Separate investments to be planned for children's education and marriage.
Use equity mutual funds for long-term education goals.
Vacation Planning

Set aside a small portion of monthly income for vacations.
Take care that it does not hamper the essential expenses.
Final Insights
With a good asset base and a diverse source of income streams, retirement at the age of 51 is very much possible. Having control on expenses, adequate insurance, and periodic review of the investment portfolio will help in achieving your goal. Your financial situation will definitely support a comfortable retirement and your future goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Money
Sir I am 55 now , only one son who is earning 24 lakhs per annum yet to be married, I am a business man , no EMI and real estate assets worth 8 crores, Bank FD 75 lakhs, gold 1.5 crores, mutual funds 15 lakhs, I have a rental income of 1.5 lakhs per month. My business is debt free and running in normal phase, business income post tax is around 3 lakhs per month. My wife is telling me to take retirement she is telling you've worked from the age of 18 why are you still running? Our only son will not takeover your business, so try to enjoy remaining years peacefully. What should I do?
Ans: Assessing Your Current Situation
Your current financial situation is strong. You have substantial assets, including real estate worth Rs. 8 crores, fixed deposits of Rs. 75 lakhs, gold valued at Rs. 1.5 crores, and mutual funds worth Rs. 15 lakhs. Your business generates a post-tax income of Rs. 3 lakhs per month, and you have rental income of Rs. 1.5 lakhs per month.

You also have the support of a successful son who earns Rs. 24 lakhs per annum. You are debt-free, and your business is running smoothly.

This strong financial foundation provides you with the security and flexibility to consider retirement.

Evaluating the Retirement Decision
Emotional and Psychological Factors

Retirement is not just a financial decision. It involves emotional and psychological considerations.

You have worked since the age of 18, and your wife is encouraging you to enjoy your remaining years peacefully.

It’s essential to think about how retirement will affect your daily routine and sense of purpose.

Consider what activities, hobbies, or interests you could pursue in retirement to stay engaged and fulfilled.

Financial Independence and Security

Your financial situation suggests that you have achieved financial independence.

Your assets and income streams provide a secure foundation for retirement.

With a debt-free business and no EMIs, you have minimal financial obligations.

Your rental income and business income are substantial and can support your lifestyle even without active business involvement.

Legacy and Succession Planning

It’s important to consider the future of your business.

Your son is not interested in taking over the business. Therefore, succession planning is crucial.

You might consider selling the business or hiring a professional manager to run it.

This approach allows you to step back without completely shutting down the business, ensuring it continues to generate income.

Planning for a Smooth Transition
Gradual Retirement Approach

Instead of abrupt retirement, you might consider a gradual transition.

Start by reducing your involvement in day-to-day operations.

Delegate responsibilities to trusted employees or a manager.

This approach allows you to stay connected to your business while gradually stepping back.

Building a Retirement Lifestyle

Retirement is an opportunity to pursue new interests and hobbies.

Plan activities that you enjoy, whether it’s traveling, learning something new, or spending more time with family.

Engaging in these activities can help make the transition to retirement smoother and more fulfilling.

Managing Your Financial Assets

You have significant assets that need to be managed wisely.

Ensure your fixed deposits are earning competitive interest rates and consider diversifying your investments for better returns.

Your gold holdings are valuable, but they don’t generate income. You might explore ways to convert a portion into income-generating assets.

Your mutual funds could be reviewed to ensure they align with your retirement goals.

Ensuring Family Financial Security
Protecting Your Family’s Future

You have a responsibility to ensure your family’s financial security.

Consider creating a detailed financial plan that covers future expenses, including healthcare, living expenses, and any financial support your son might need.

Review your insurance policies to ensure adequate coverage for unforeseen circumstances.

If you don’t have a will, it’s essential to create one to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes.

Education and Marriage of Your Son

Your son’s education and marriage are significant milestones.

Although he is earning well, it’s wise to set aside funds for his future education or marriage.

This ensures that these expenses are covered without impacting your retirement corpus.

Preparing for Unforeseen Circumstances
Emergency Fund

Even in retirement, it’s essential to have an emergency fund.

Set aside at least 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in a liquid, easily accessible account.

This fund will provide financial stability in case of any unforeseen events.

Healthcare Planning

Healthcare is a crucial aspect of retirement planning.

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for you and your wife.

Consider setting up a dedicated healthcare fund to cover any out-of-pocket expenses.

Making the Final Decision
Aligning with Your Values and Goals

Ultimately, your decision to retire should align with your values and goals.

Reflect on what you want to achieve in your remaining years.

Consider how your decision will impact your family, your lifestyle, and your sense of fulfillment.

Discuss with Your Family

Involve your wife and son in this decision.

Their support and understanding are crucial to a smooth transition.

Having open conversations will ensure everyone is on the same page and that your decision is well-informed.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial foundation, and now you stand at a crossroads. Your wife’s advice to retire is understandable, given your long years of hard work. You are financially secure, and your assets provide a safety net for you and your family.

Retirement doesn’t have to mean the end of your involvement in your business or financial life. You can consider a phased retirement, where you gradually reduce your work commitments while exploring new interests and hobbies.

It’s also essential to ensure that your financial assets are managed wisely to continue supporting your lifestyle in retirement. Succession planning for your business, protecting your family’s future, and preparing for unforeseen circumstances are all critical aspects to consider.

Retirement is a personal decision that goes beyond finances. It’s about aligning with your values, goals, and what brings you joy. Take the time to reflect, discuss with your family, and plan for a fulfilling and secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
Relationship
Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |127 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Dr.Shakeeb, I’m a 55 yrs male, had stents implanted in 2020 because of bad food habits and lack of regular movement, things have improved since then with better control on food habits. My problem is belly fat which is embarrassing and my weight is 77kgs, I was on knee braces for last 30 days bcoz of a slight ligament strain, so not able to do strenuous exercises. Pls suggest a workable regime for belly fat elimination considering my case history.
Ans: Hello Sir. Thank you for your query. Reducing belly fat requires a combination of calorie control, low-impact exercises, and lifestyle changes, tailored to your health history. Start by maintaining a slight calorie deficit of 200-300 kcal/day, focusing on a balanced diet rich in lean proteins, complex carbs, and healthy fats while avoiding sugary and processed foods. Drink 2-3 liters of water daily to stay hydrated. Engage in low-impact activities like brisk walking for 30-40 minutes daily, which is gentle on the knees and heart-friendly. Incorporate simple core-strengthening exercises such as pelvic tilts, seated knee lifts, and standing side bends to activate abdominal muscles without straining your knees. As your ligament strain heals, consult Physiotherapist about gradually increasing exercise intensity, including light resistance training. Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep and manage stress through mindfulness to lower cortisol levels, which can contribute to belly fat. Small, frequent meals can keep your metabolism active, and tracking progress through waist measurements rather than just weight will help you stay motivated. These adjustments will promote gradual, sustainable fat loss while ensuring safety and heart health. I wish you healthy and active lifestyle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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