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My 13-year-old son is brilliant but hates studying. What should I do?

Archana

Archana Deshpande  |117 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Aug 20, 2024

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more
Jay Question by Jay on Aug 13, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am father of 13 years old boy, my son is not interested in studies, we generally found him dreaming or killing time on gaming. His mind is brilliant but donot want to sit in patience for 1hrs of studies. Now he had started telling lies and thus results are also went down. We had tried everything from not speaking to stopping all leisure time. Recently he had also started scolding and shouting on us. Please suggest what to do.

Ans: Hello Jay!!

This is such a phase of your life with a teenager, that I cannot give you a "to do list" to conform to and whoosh the problems go away!!
What I suggest is this -
1. a teenager is tough to deal with. You have been a teenager once too..it is a very tough phase of life for the teen too, raging hormones, mood swings , a body that is constantly changing every day. Today's teen has it tougher, what with social media and peer pressure to deal with. Your son needs is an understanding parent ,be one pls
2. take care of his physical well being and mental well being. Good food, mental rest ( away from social media and gaming), good sleep and engaging in worthy pursuits( channelize his energies in learning an instrument, singing, debating, football, tennis, anything where he can expend his mental and physical energies... either enrol him in theses classes or have tutors coming home)
3.if making him study is getting difficult, hire tutors to teach him, physical classes, not online.
4. you said he has a brilliant mind... it is time to engage him in worthy pursuits
5. every day is a challenge with a teenager, you , being the parent has to keep changing strategies based on the need/mood of the day
6. as a parent read up on how to deal with a teenager and act accordingly
7. no confronting or criticizing openly, talk to him with all respect..do not tolerate his shouting and scolding...tell him it is unacceptable, nip it in the bud before it becomes a habit. You start dealing with problems and finding a solution in a calm manner, he'll start doing the same, he is learning from everyone around . It is good if adults around him behave properly
8.you are the adult here, set boundaries regarding screen time and stick to it. You all adults at home also need to have control over screen time.
9. talk to his teachers, counsellors, psychologist and anyone who can bridge the gap between you and your child, to help you communicate effectively with each other
10. channelize your son's energies, be with him, understand him( keep telling him that you and he are in the same team),love him, cherish him, guide him, be there for him and create WIN WIN situations!!

All the best to both you and your son!! Happy parenting..
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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2023Hindi
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Hi Madam, I am a 46 yrs old male doing business, my wife is a housewife and 37 yrs old and we have a baby boy of 8 yrs old studying in class III in a reputed ICSE board school. My issue is with my child. Issue no. 1. Most of the time, he does not listen to both of us, whether we are telling him in soft voice or in angry voice. It is applicable not only in studies but also in other activities also. Issue no. 2. He is telling unnecessary lie. It is related to studying, playing and also day to day activities. Issue no. 3. This is most vital, he is studying in one of the best school in our city. But he is not at all interested in writing, we every time need to push him a lot for writing in the time of studies. His teachers often complain that even in exam time he is seating idle and they used to push him to write. But as he is now in class III, it is not possible for the teachers to push him to write in the exams. We are very much scared about this issue. Pls help.
Ans: Dear Parents, here are a few suggestions:
1.Find out the root cause- is it too much technology and that’s why the child cannot concentrate; or learning gaps and your child is unable to understand his studies. Or is he getting tired of writing? Or a focus concern?
2. Peer check: find out what he enjoys with his friends, and work in short periods to revise his studies, write in bullet points and then play. Come back, blurt his study understanding and do a little more studies.
3. Fear builds escaping attitude: once cause is settled, building on his basic knowledge can start.
4. Talk and express as a family: it helps to build relationships.
Do let me know the progress!

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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |117 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Mar 04, 2025

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Hi Mam, Hope you are doing well. I am very worried about my son who is now 12.5 years old and studying in 7th standard in a very reputed school. Since childhood, he has no interest in studies, unless we doesn't seat in front of him, he doesn't study. Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class and the result is he doesn't get good marks in the exam. When we scold him for studies, he does it for that particular time only and then get back to his non-interest mode again and start to run from studies. He will play video games, goes to play around with his friends, he will find some or the other reason for not doing studies or homework. The irony is that he is not interested in any sports or any other kind of activities. In every summer holidays, we make him to join some sports or music classes, but there also he doesn't show interest and do things just for the sake of showing. From last year, we have started sending him to tuitions also, but no change in attitude. This year we have found a teacher of his reputed school who is retired and taking tuitions, we are sending him to her and she is charging a big amount for tuitions. please guide how can we change his attitude and make him more serious in any activity he does as he doesn't have interest in anything (we have observed doing everything we can).
Ans: Hello Sunil!!

I am doing great, thank you for asking, God bless you!

I can totally understand when you say you are worried.

Your son is 12.5, he will soon be a teenager. There will be different challenges, I want you to read up on parenting a teenager and be ready to handle him well.

The problem as I see it is that everyone of you, his teachers included have made studies like a burden for him.... and subjected the young child to a lot of anxiety, he just wants to run away form it....
"Every teacher from his kindergarten days upto now has the same complaint that he is doesn't pay attention in class".... this statement of yours... it is the teacher's duty to ensure the child listens to him/her, how can she start labeling a child like this. From a young age your son has been conditioned to believe that he is not not good in studies, he doesn't focus and he doesn't sit in one place. All my sympathies are with your son...every child comes with immense potential and it's our duty as parents and teachers to nurture the child.

The following is what I propose so that we bring him back to loving to learn ( not score marks, that should never be the barometer)-
1. Love your child the way he is now
2. Give him lot of positive strokes
3. Have one on one sessions for any activity you plan for him... let him choose the activity, empower him
4. choose a teacher, who can get along with him and help him develop a positive attitude towards studies and life in general
5. look for a school where they nurture him... not just a reputed one...less number of students and a teacher who is invested in her/ his students,

If you can connect with me, I can help him. Have had many a students in this kind situation.
This is my website..
https://transformme.co.in/

Loads of best wishes to the whole family..

..Read more

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Hello sir, I have passed Class 12 with PCM from the CBSE board in 2025 with 67%. I was going to appear for the JEE exam, but I am not eligible for it. So sir, what should I do now? Please guide me."
Ans: (Hacker?) If you have passed Class 12 with PCM from CBSE with 67% in 2025, you are eligible to appear for JEE Main in 2026 as there is no minimum percentage required to register for the exam. However, a minimum of 75% marks in Class 12 or a position in the top 20 percentile of your board is required for admission to NITs, IIITs, and GFTIs, while IITs also require a 75% aggregate for the general category at the time of admission—not for sitting the exam itself. You may still write JEE Main for experience and private/university-level engineering institutes, many of which require only a pass in Class 12 with PCM, often with significantly lower entry percentiles. Apart from JEE, alternative engineering entrance exams like BITSAT, VITEEE, and state CETs are open to you. You may also explore career options in B.Sc. (PCM/CS), BBA, BCA, design, paramedical courses, law (via CLAT), or diploma/certificate programs, as science backgrounds allow flexible pathways. The five most important aspects to consider in the next institution are recognized curriculum, experienced faculty, industry exposure, placement support, and strong student support systems. Major education and career portals and official CBSE/NTA sites recommend diligent review of all eligibility details before deciding your direction.

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Hello sir my son got 90 percentile in jee main and 88 percentile in MHCET.he want to take addmission in Mechanical engineering.so please suggest me good college.Note Gujarati minority.interested in Mumbai only.
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Nayagam P

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Sir, my daughter got 63836 rank in JEE mains , no reservations.. She is interested in CSE but she is not alloted any seat in Josaa..should we go with CSAB, if yes, which are good ? She agreed to take ECE or EEE also if CSE is not alloted in a good college.. Please guide us, We are thinking of taking a seat in ANITS vizag in CS cybersecurity which she got from APEapcet rank 10k...just in case she is not alloted any seat in CSAB in good colleges..
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Recommendation: Pursue CSAB seats in ECE at NIT Nagaland or in CSE/ECE at CIT Kokrajhar, CURAJ, or Assam University Silchar, as they align with her JEE rank, offer recognized degrees, and maintain 65–90% placement rates, while keeping the ANITS CSE-Cybersecurity seat as a dependable backup. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Sir my son got 77377 crl and 24030 obc ncl rank with homestate rajasthan can he any college in csab with cse /it/ece branch if no than please suggest any private colleges
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Recommendation: Explore private engineering colleges such as Amity University Jaipur and Manipal University Jaipur in Rajasthan, and the listed Northern India institutions for secure admission into CSE, IT, or ECE, as CSAB options are not feasible at your son’s current rank. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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