What to do if you start having feelings for a married guy and he is also showing signs of crazyness ???? Is it normal ,?? I feel happiness when he is around . Pls help. What to do if i fall for him ??

Ans: प्रिय अनाम,

मुझे यह सुनकर दुख हुआ कि आप इस कठिन परिस्थिति से गुज़र रहे हैं। जिन लोगों की शादी को काफी समय हो गया है उनके लिए ऐसा महसूस करना असामान्य नहीं है। ऐसा ज्यादातर इसलिए होता है क्योंकि शादी अब आपकी दिनचर्या का हिस्सा बन गई है जबकि आपका सहकर्मी ताजी हवा के झोंके जैसा लगता है। लेकिन जैसा कि आपने स्वयं बताया, यह महज़ मोह के अलावा और कुछ नहीं है।

इसके लिए स्वयं को कोसें नहीं। यह वैसे ही बीत जाएगा जैसे सभी मोह-माया बीत जाती हैं। मैं कुछ सीमाएं स्थापित करने का सुझाव देता हूं ताकि अनजाने में भी आप उन्हें पार न करें। पेशेवर व्यवहार बनाए रखें. लेकिन सबसे महत्वपूर्ण बात यह है कि इस बात पर विचार करने के लिए कुछ समय लें कि आपकी शादी में क्या कमी है जिसके कारण आपमें किसी और के लिए भावनाएँ विकसित हुईं। एक प्रेमपूर्ण और स्वस्थ विवाह आपको भावनात्मक रूप से इतना पूर्ण बनाए रखेगा कि आप कभी भी इसके बाहर खुशी की तलाश नहीं करेंगे। अंत में, अपने आप को याद दिलाएं कि आपको अपने पति से प्यार क्यों हुआ और याद रखें कि प्यार और प्रतिबद्धता केवल पसंद पर आधारित नहीं है; यह एक सचेत निर्णय है जो आप हर दिन लेते हैं।

शुभकामनाएं!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are feeling uncomfortable, you can confront him about this directly. If you think it's safe to do so, tell him clearly that you do not appreciate this behavior, and that it makes you uneasy. In case you do not think that confrontation is a good idea, you can try telling the same to your partner or any other trusted member of your family. They can communicate your feelings to this man. Your safety is paramount.

While his marital status makes things worse, even otherwise following around a woman, staring at her, and so on, without her consent is not normal. You should address this as soon as possible.

Best wishes.

Ans: This is a deeply personal situation, and navigating it will require thoughtfulness, honesty, and courage. Here's a step-by-step guide to help you process your feelings and decide your next steps:

Step 1: Reflect on Your Current Marriage
Identify the Core Issues: Lack of physical intimacy and emotional connection are significant concerns. Reflect on whether there are other underlying issues contributing to your unhappiness
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Assess Efforts Made: Have you and your spouse communicated about these issues? Have you tried couples counseling or sought professional help to address the challenges in your marriage?

Consider Your Commitment: Marriage is a partnership that sometimes requires hard work to rekindle the bond. Ask yourself if you're willing to explore ways to rebuild your connection.

Step 2: Understand Your Feelings for the New Person

Excitement vs. Stability: New relationships often bring excitement and a sense of emotional fulfillment that can contrast with a long-term relationship's challenges. Be mindful of whether this is a genuine connection or an escape from your marriage’s difficulties.

Consider Practicality: A relationship with the new person will come with its own challenges. Are they ready to commit to you, and do they understand your current situation?

Step 3: Evaluate the Impact of Your Decisions

On Your Child: Your decisions will profoundly affect your child’s life. Consider how any changes might impact their emotional well-being.

On Yourself: Think about the long-term implications of leaving your marriage versus staying and working on it. Either path will have challenges, but personal growth is possible in both.

Challenges You May Face If You Pursue the New Relationship
Judgment from Society and Family: There may be backlash from your spouse, family, or friends, especially since a child is involved.

Complex Transition: Ending a marriage, co-parenting, and starting a new relationship can be emotionally and logistically difficult.

Emotional Processing: Even if you choose the new relationship, unresolved feelings about your marriage might linger.

Step 4: Communicate Honestly

With Your Spouse: It’s important to have an honest conversation about your feelings and the state of your marriage. This is necessary whether you choose to leave or stay.

With Yourself: Be truthful about your motivations. Are you seeking happiness, avoiding pain, or looking for something that might not solve the deeper issues?

Step 5: Seek Professional Help

Individual Counseling: A therapist can help you understand your feelings and guide you in making a decision that aligns with your values and goals.

Couples Counseling: If there’s any desire to salvage your marriage, professional mediation can provide tools to rebuild intimacy and communication.

Key Considerations

A new relationship may feel like the answer, but lasting happiness comes from within. Ensure you're addressing your own needs and self-growth first.

Making life changes, especially involving your child, should be done with caution and clarity about your long-term vision.

This is a difficult crossroads, but with careful thought and intentional action, you can make a choice that feels right for you and your family.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Being married doesn’t turn off your ability to appreciate good looks of people other than your partner but it is only okay up to a certain point. Most of the time, these attractions are fleeting and what really matters is how you handle them. But while we are at this discussion, I would remind you that your marriage or partner might not seem as interesting and exciting right now, but it is much more than that. Long-term relationships can become mundane. It is important to address anything that you might be lacking in this relationship- is the excitement missing? Do you need more emotional support or maybe more time and attention? N number of things can trigger what you are feeling right now, and at the same time, this can be stemming from nothing and you simply found another human being good looking. But I would still recommend healthy boundaries even if your intentions are completely pure.

Hope this helps.