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विशेषज्ञ की सलाह चाहिए?हमारे गुरु मदद कर सकते हैं
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |657 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025
Relationship

My Boyfriend is not really the Controlling type. But, sometimes, he disapproves of some things which I do. In such cases, he communicates his Disapproval indirectly saying "I don't like you Dressing up like this Boldly. But still, if that's what you want, you may go ahead & Dress up as you'd like to, I have no Right to prevent you from doing so, but I will be Disappointed if you do." or "I don't want you to go out or hang out with these particular people (some of my close Male Friends). You have all the Freedom to interact with whoever you want to, but I will be Hurt, if you are too Close to your other Male Friends." Most of the time, I compromised & avoided Dressing up too Boldly, avoided Partying/Travelling with some of my Close Male Friends & avoided some other things which he wouldn't approve of, just for the sake of maintaining our Relationship. But recently, I tried to Test, how he'd react, if I deliberately do something which he doesn't like. So, on New Year's Day, I dressed up in revealing Clothes that he would never approve of & Partied wildly, all Night & even got Drunk with some of my Close Male Friends, with whom, he wants me to maintain Distance. He stubbornly refused to come for Partying with me, because I Dressed up too Boldly & refused to change them, even after he expected me to do so. He didn't even want me Drinking/Partying with some of my Close Male Friends. But I Respected the Boundaries of our Relationship & throughout the Night, I kept my Boyfriend informed about my Whereabouts, so that he's Reassured that I am not Cheating on him. But ever since then, he's been Treating me rather Coldly. He's being Indifferent to me, without Questioning me much, the way he always used to. He's just maintaining normal Communication without being Flirtatious, as he used to. And the Sex has also become quite Mechanical without much Romance, unlike how Passionate he used to be, earlier. I've tried talking to him, but he just keeps lying that he isn't Upset with me. Now I am Feeling really Guilty for whatever I had done on New Year's Day, even though, I don't think I did anything Wrong. Was it really Wrong on my Part, to do something which I always liked to, but my Boyfriend didn't want me to? Or is my Boyfriend Wrong, here? What do I do now? Please advise me.

Ans: Your boyfriend may not be outright controlling, but his way of expressing disapproval carries an emotional weight that influences your decisions. Instead of setting hard rules, he uses disappointment as a tool to make you reconsider your choices. You’ve willingly compromised in the past to keep the relationship smooth, but it seems that over time, those compromises have started to weigh on you. Testing his reaction on New Year’s may have been your subconscious way of reclaiming your autonomy, but now you’re left with unintended consequences—his emotional withdrawal.

The real issue here isn’t about who is right or wrong, but rather, whether your values and expectations in this relationship truly align. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to dress a certain way, go out, or spend time with friends. At the same time, he isn’t necessarily wrong for having personal boundaries and feelings about certain situations. However, the way both of you are handling these differences is leading to deeper emotional disconnect rather than honest resolution.

Your actions on New Year’s were a test, but they weren’t a betrayal. You still kept him informed and stayed within the boundaries of your commitment. But from his perspective, it likely felt like a deliberate challenge to what he considers the foundation of your relationship. His withdrawal isn’t just about what you did—it’s about what it represents to him. He might be questioning whether you truly respect his feelings, just as you might be questioning whether he truly respects your independence.

Instead of focusing on guilt, the real question is whether you’re both willing to openly communicate and find a middle ground that allows you to be yourself without feeling restricted, while also respecting his emotions without feeling controlled. Avoid blaming or justifying—have a real conversation about how both of you felt after that night, what it means for your relationship, and whether you can move forward in a way that feels right for both of you. If neither of you can meet in the middle without resentment, then it’s important to consider whether this relationship is fulfilling for both of you in the long run.

आप नीचे ऐसेही प्रश्न और उत्तर देखना पसंद कर सकते हैं

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

Listen
Relationship
हेलो... मैं 10 साल से रिलेशनशिप में हूं, अभी तक शादी नहीं की है।</strong><br /><strong>मेरा बॉयफ्रेंड हर तरह से ठीक है। लेकिन कुछ ऐसा है जो मुझे बहुत परेशान कर रहा है. <br />जब भी वह अपने दोस्तों या परिवार के साथ होता है तो मैं गुस्सा हो जाता हूं और जो भी मुझे अच्छा लगता है उसे डांट देता हूं। <br />अगर वह अपने दोस्तों (पुरुष मित्रों) या परिवार से बहुत करीब से बात करता है तो मुझे यह पसंद नहीं है। <br />वह मुझे खुश रखने की पूरी कोशिश कर रहा है, लेकिन जब वह अपने दोस्तों और परिवार के साथ होता है तो मुझे असुरक्षित महसूस होता है।<br />ईमानदारी से कहूं तो भले ही वह अपने को अधिक महत्व और मूल्य देता हो परिवार जिससे मुझे और अधिक गुस्सा आता है।<br /></strong><strong>मैं अब इसे बर्दाश्त नहीं कर पा रहा हूं।<br />झगड़ों के बाद भी मैं सोचता हूं कि मैंने ऐसा क्यों किया, क्या है मेरे साथ गलत हुआ?<br />मैं झगड़े के बाद खुद से सवाल करता हूं। <br />मुझे यहां तक ​​लगता है कि मैं अगली बार ऐसा नहीं करूंगा क्योंकि दोस्त और परिवार भी महत्वपूर्ण हैं लेकिन यह काम नहीं करता है और वह मुझसे तंग आ गया है।<br /></strong> ;<strong>जब भी वह दोस्तों या अपने परिवार के साथ होता है, मैं कुछ ऐसा बना देता हूं जो सच नहीं है।<br /></strong><strong>दिन के अंत में मैं रो रहा हूं, मैं अपना खो रहा हूं खुशी।<br /></strong><strong>उत्तर की प्रतीक्षा में</strong></p>
Ans: <p>प्रिय PS,</p> <p>आप किस बारे में चिंतित हैं? आपसे दूर समय बिताने या सामाजिक परिवेश में आपको शामिल न करने से, वह आपको भूल सकता है या आपसे दूर जा सकता है?</p> <p>10 वर्षों के बाद, आपको असुरक्षा और चिंता में उससे चिपके रहने की आवश्यकता क्यों महसूस होती है?</p> <p>खुद को थोड़ा प्यार और ध्यान देने का समय?</p> <p>अपने सबसे अच्छे दोस्त बनें और अपने रिश्ते से लगातार इसकी अपेक्षा करने के बजाय खुद को ढेर सारा ख्याल रखें?</p> <p>जितना अधिक आप स्वयं के प्रति सुरक्षित होंगे, उतना ही कम आप अपने साथी से चिपकेंगे।</p> <p>जुड़े रहना और &lsquo;मालिक&rsquo; कोई अन्य व्यक्ति उन्हें आपसे दूर ही ले जाएगा क्योंकि किसी को भी नियंत्रित और निर्देशित किया जाना पसंद नहीं है।</p> <p>इसके बजाय, आप उससे उसके दिन के बारे में क्यों नहीं पूछते और वह किससे मिला और वास्तव में अपने जीवन में शामिल होने का प्रयास क्यों नहीं करते?</p> <p>इस तरह, वह आपके साथ अधिक जुड़ना चाहेगा और जब वह अपने दोस्तों और परिवार के साथ होगा तो आपको आमंत्रित करेगा?</p> <p>जब आप उसे दूसरों के साथ बातचीत करते हुए देखते हैं, तो असुरक्षित और ईर्ष्यालु महसूस करने के बजाय, क्या आप उसकी सराहना करने के बारे में सोच सकते हैं जो वह आपके जीवन में लाया है और आप दोनों 10 वर्षों से एक साथ क्यों हैं?</p> <p>इसके अलावा, उसे अपने जीवन और जीवन की यात्रा में शामिल करें।</p> <p>पीड़ित की भूमिका निभाने में बहुत सारा नाटक शामिल होता है, लेकिन एक मुक्त व्यक्ति की भूमिका निभाने में कोई प्रयास नहीं करना पड़ता।</p> <p>इसलिए खुद से प्यार करें और अपने साथी से वैसा ही प्यार करें जैसा वह है।</p> <p>आपके रिश्ते और आपकी मानसिक स्थिति में परिवर्तन लगभग जादुई होगा।</p> <p>इस पल का आनंद लें और खुश रहें!<br /><br /></p>

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |720 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024
Relationship
I’m feeling really lost right now. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year, and things started out great. We have a lot in common, and we both enjoy going out with friends. But recently, I've noticed something that’s been bothering me. He works as a bartender, and every time I go to his bar, he gets upset about my friends being there. It feels like he’s trying to push me away from them, and I don’t know how to deal with it. Last weekend, we went out, and after a few drinks, I mentioned how uncomfortable it made me that he talked badly about my friends when they come to his bar. I thought I was being calm about it, but he just flipped out. He started yelling at me in the car, and I was so scared because he was driving way too fast and swerving. I told him I was going to call the cops, but he didn’t listen. Eventually, he pulled over, got out of the car, and started screaming and running around. It all felt so intense and out of control. When he came back to the car, things got physical. I slapped him in an attempt to make him stop, which I regret because I’ve never done that before. In the heat of the moment, he slapped me back and pushed me into a bush. The next day, I had bruises, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about everything that happened. Now, he’s been trying to buy me things and even booked a trip for us, begging me to stay. But I feel so unsure of what to do. I keep telling him that I need space, but it feels like he’s not really understanding the severity of what happened. I’m torn between wanting to make it work and realizing that this situation isn’t healthy. What should I do? Should I give him another chance or listen to my instincts and walk away for good?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, physical violence is never the answer to any problem. I think you already know that. Coming to your main query, I think you should take the chain of events that followed after you confronted him very seriously. It's not healthy to slap and be slapped back and pushed into a bush. I am sure he regrets it just like you, but it can become a pattern. I would strongly urge you to rethink this relationship. If you are keen on keeping it going, I recommend either having an open discussion about what happened to make sure it is never repeated, or even better, consulting a therapist to work through the issues. You can have concerns and queries as to why he doesn't like it when your friends are around- that does not warrant such a harsh reaction.

I hope this helps.

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Ans: नमस्कार महोदय,
रेडिफगुरुस की ओर से हार्दिक शुभकामनाएं!
निम्नलिखित शैक्षणिक संस्थानों और उनकी संबंधित विशेषज्ञताओं का क्रम इस प्रकार है:

1. एनआईटी राउरकेला - कंप्यूटर विज्ञान समूह को छोड़कर।

2. मध्यम स्तर के एनआईटी (जालंधर, दुर्गापुर, कुरुक्षेत्र, जमशेदपुर, जयपुर, सूरत) - विशेषज्ञताओं में इलेक्ट्रॉनिक्स, इलेक्ट्रिकल और मैकेनिकल इंजीनियरिंग शामिल हैं।

3. तृतीय स्तरीय संस्थान / प्रतिष्ठित जीएफटीआई (लखनऊ, जबलपुर, नागपुर, पुणे, श्री सिटी, रांची, मेसरा) (पूरे भारत में): सीएसई/ईसीई के लिए।

4. नए एनआईटी (अन्य राज्य):

गोवा, पटना और रायपुर में शीर्ष शाखाएं: ईसीई/ईईई।

अगरतला, सिलचर और मेघालय में: सीएसई/ईसीई।

शुभकामनाएं।

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