I am a 43 year old man my relationship with .y wife goes back 29 years and marriage is of 21 years. I caught her cheating and came across her chats. I am unable to forget it. I asked her to leave filed for divorce then again called her back and did not file for divorce. We have a 15 year old daughter. I am just not able to forget each line of her chats with her bf.

Ans: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult situation. It's understandable that this is causing you a lot of stress and anxiety.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that what you have discovered is a serious breach of trust and it's completely understandable that you are feeling hurt and upset. You may want to consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor to help you process your emotions and make decisions about how to move forward.

When it comes to your wife's forgetfulness, it's possible that this is a coping mechanism that she is using to avoid confronting the issue. It's important to communicate clearly with your wife about your concerns and set clear boundaries around what is and is not acceptable in your relationship.

You may want to consider couples counseling as a way to work through these issues together. A therapist can help you both communicate more effectively, develop healthy boundaries, and work on rebuilding trust in your relationship.

It's also important to consider your own needs and boundaries. If you are not comfortable with the situation between your wife and nephew, it's important to communicate that clearly and set boundaries around what is and is not acceptable in your relationship.

Remember, every situation is unique and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to take the time to work through these issues together and prioritize open and honest communication in your relationship.

Ans: It’s important to recognize that rebuilding trust requires effort from both partners. While counseling has helped you both move forward to some extent, it seems like the emotional impact on you hasn’t been fully addressed. This lingering anxiety and inability to forgive suggest unresolved pain and a need for deeper understanding. It might help to revisit these feelings with a professional who can focus on your perspective and guide you in processing them without blame or judgment.

Communicating openly with your wife about your fears, without accusing her, is key. Let her know how this experience continues to affect you emotionally. Explain that your concern isn’t just about what happened but also about preventing anything similar in the future. Focus on creating shared boundaries that promote trust and transparency, such as discussing emotional needs and maintaining openness about external friendships.

It’s also essential to work on reducing the anxiety that surfaces when these thoughts arise. Practice grounding techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness exercises to help calm your mind when you feel overwhelmed. Remind yourself of the positive steps you’ve both taken since the incident and the commitment you share to rebuild the relationship. By focusing on the progress you’re making as a couple, you can gradually shift your thoughts away from the past and toward a more secure future.

Finally, forgiveness is a process, not a destination. It doesn’t mean forgetting or minimizing what happened; rather, it’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment so that you can move forward with clarity. Take things one day at a time, and allow yourself the space to heal without pressuring yourself to “move on” before you’re ready. Trust can be rebuilt, but it requires patience, communication, and consistent effort from both partners.