My wife has had a serious relationship with my nephew, which i caught when i heard several call recording stored in the phone. She might not have been 100% physical with him but thats not confirmed, and thats eating my head out. The problem is that she is forgetful of things and when i bring certain topics such as travel or food or marriage ceremonies etc, which i think she will remember, she just blanks out and does not remeber them at all. The day i confronted her about the affair she accepted many things that day, but now she has forgotten when did i even confront her. Second problem is that the chats are an on and off thing presently too. She ignores him and vice versa for months and suddenly there is a spurt of activity on phones or in family meets and then everything dies down so much so that i cannot even pin point whether that thing between them exists, even though its in front of me. I am not sure how do i handle the things because this is putting lot of pressure on me mentally, since i cannot confront her as her forgetfulness means i will have to start the story from begning itself.

Dear Love Guru, My wife and I are in an arranged marriage since around 15 years and there is nothing that we celebrate about our relationship, except kids which are the only reason for our existing relations. I am working abroad and have visits for a month on vacation after every couple of months. After marriage, I noticed my wife’s flirting behaviour with strange men (to seduce) during many occasions but initially ignored it. However, I found it frustrating when I felt her to be habitual flirter. I then spoke to her, which was after around 2.5 years of our marriage, and she denied the matter. Soon noticing such perpetual habits about her, we went on for non-talking terms some time and then a storm broke out in our house. My parents and her parents supported her, since I couldn’t prove any of her behaviour. She has been lying since her behaviour was noticed and even after that, but my love for her and my child (at that time) made me feel that probably that I need to avoid any suspicious behaviour. Such storm was repeated even recently few years earlier. I had thought my idea of a second child would improve our relations, but it hasn’t helped. I could still notice her flirting behaviour with strangers and even with known personnel including my relatives. I even believe her to be in relationship with one of my cousins, based on my observations of their behaviour during our every meet, which I cannot speak of due to my previous experience and which will otherwise definitely terminate our relations. Actually, we are never on good terms these days whenever I visit home and mostly converse only if required. We are also not good in bed and I have also been feeling a low erectile in bed these days. These moments have affected me psychologically and I feel very negative about our relationship. My family remains my priority and I have been trying to see that we all are all happy as a family. I have even sacrificed my own family time for better earnings so that my family can get all the best in life. She takes good care of the children and manages the house nicely. I also ensure that we, as a family, go out on long journeys for travel and my children are everything for me. I have trying to cope up with all this by focusing on work and socialising with friends to the best extent possible. However, her behaviour (in spite of my presence) makes me feel negative. How can I deal with the matter since any re-attempt on my part to speak on the same matter, even if cordially, with my wife will create another storm like earlier? I wish to sort out the differences and need your advice. Should we meet a counsellor separately on this to sort out the matter? Keep me anonymous and respect my privacy.

Hi, Please hide my name. It’s been close to 10 years of our marriage. We are as such happily married but have our share of fights and arguments. It was an arranged marriage though we did have a courtship (physically roaming around) of about 10-15 days two months before the wedding. I have been made aware of a past relationship of my wife. I am okay with that. It went on to the physical levels and I do not as such have an issue. But now I was made aware -- in general talks -- that the relationship lasted till the last day before the marriage and it was involved to the extent of sharing hotel rooms, going together to different cities -- all these just 10-15 days before the marriage. I do have chats of that time and I when I showed that to her, including SMSes. She is saying it just happened and she has no explanation.  I do not intend to break my marriage as we have lovely kids to raise, but I am not able to digest these incidents. The thing that really hurts me is that she is not regretting this and always saying that its part of her good memories of life. I just can't digest this. I think I need some help to come to peace with this situation as this is spoiling the atmosphere at home. Regards, A bleeding heart.