Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 20, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

My wife has had a serious relationship with my nephew, which i caught when i heard several call recording stored in the phone. She might not have been 100% physical with him but thats not confirmed, and thats eating my head out. The problem is that she is forgetful of things and when i bring certain topics such as travel or food or marriage ceremonies etc, which i think she will remember, she just blanks out and does not remeber them at all. The day i confronted her about the affair she accepted many things that day, but now she has forgotten when did i even confront her. Second problem is that the chats are an on and off thing presently too. She ignores him and vice versa for months and suddenly there is a spurt of activity on phones or in family meets and then everything dies down so much so that i cannot even pin point whether that thing between them exists, even though its in front of me. I am not sure how do i handle the things because this is putting lot of pressure on me mentally, since i cannot confront her as her forgetfulness means i will have to start the story from begning itself.

Ans: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult situation. It's understandable that this is causing you a lot of stress and anxiety.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that what you have discovered is a serious breach of trust and it's completely understandable that you are feeling hurt and upset. You may want to consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor to help you process your emotions and make decisions about how to move forward.

When it comes to your wife's forgetfulness, it's possible that this is a coping mechanism that she is using to avoid confronting the issue. It's important to communicate clearly with your wife about your concerns and set clear boundaries around what is and is not acceptable in your relationship.

You may want to consider couples counseling as a way to work through these issues together. A therapist can help you both communicate more effectively, develop healthy boundaries, and work on rebuilding trust in your relationship.

It's also important to consider your own needs and boundaries. If you are not comfortable with the situation between your wife and nephew, it's important to communicate that clearly and set boundaries around what is and is not acceptable in your relationship.

Remember, every situation is unique and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It's important to take the time to work through these issues together and prioritize open and honest communication in your relationship.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   |213 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 13, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear Love Guru, My wife and I are in an arranged marriage since around 15 years and there is nothing that we celebrate about our relationship, except kids which are the only reason for our existing relations. I am working abroad and have visits for a month on vacation after every couple of months. After marriage, I noticed my wife’s flirting behaviour with strange men (to seduce) during many occasions but initially ignored it. However, I found it frustrating when I felt her to be habitual flirter. I then spoke to her, which was after around 2.5 years of our marriage, and she denied the matter. Soon noticing such perpetual habits about her, we went on for non-talking terms some time and then a storm broke out in our house. My parents and her parents supported her, since I couldn’t prove any of her behaviour. She has been lying since her behaviour was noticed and even after that, but my love for her and my child (at that time) made me feel that probably that I need to avoid any suspicious behaviour. Such storm was repeated even recently few years earlier. I had thought my idea of a second child would improve our relations, but it hasn’t helped. I could still notice her flirting behaviour with strangers and even with known personnel including my relatives. I even believe her to be in relationship with one of my cousins, based on my observations of their behaviour during our every meet, which I cannot speak of due to my previous experience and which will otherwise definitely terminate our relations. Actually, we are never on good terms these days whenever I visit home and mostly converse only if required. We are also not good in bed and I have also been feeling a low erectile in bed these days. These moments have affected me psychologically and I feel very negative about our relationship. My family remains my priority and I have been trying to see that we all are all happy as a family. I have even sacrificed my own family time for better earnings so that my family can get all the best in life. She takes good care of the children and manages the house nicely. I also ensure that we, as a family, go out on long journeys for travel and my children are everything for me. I have trying to cope up with all this by focusing on work and socialising with friends to the best extent possible. However, her behaviour (in spite of my presence) makes me feel negative. How can I deal with the matter since any re-attempt on my part to speak on the same matter, even if cordially, with my wife will create another storm like earlier? I wish to sort out the differences and need your advice. Should we meet a counsellor separately on this to sort out the matter? Keep me anonymous and respect my privacy.
Ans:

You’ve been sweeping the same issues your marriage has faced from the very beginning under the carpet for 15 years. Why?

And instead of addressing the issues, you decided to go ahead and have a second child?

Having a child is a joy in itself, but it is never the solution to marital woes; in fact, in most cases it only exacerbates the problem.

From everything you’ve told me, you seem to come across as an insecure husband.

I’m not saying that what you’ve told me is untrue, but you keep suspecting your wife of flirting with random men and have no proof of it.

Both sides of the family support her and let me tell you, unless she is a master of deception, no one can conceal their true nature so well from everyone else for the better part of two decades.

Maybe what you construe as flirting is simply her being friendly? Maybe you’re just not comfortable with the manner in which she interacts with other men?

Have you ever managed to prove her inappropriate relations? And when you accuse her, she blows up at you... a guilty party would not react in so volatile a manner.

I do think marital counselling is in order. And yes, maybe separately at first and then together.

Contact a good therapist and do it sooner rather than later... 15 years has been long enough!

 

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |213 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 25, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Hi, Please hide my name. It’s been close to 10 years of our marriage. We are as such happily married but have our share of fights and arguments. It was an arranged marriage though we did have a courtship (physically roaming around) of about 10-15 days two months before the wedding. I have been made aware of a past relationship of my wife. I am okay with that. It went on to the physical levels and I do not as such have an issue. But now I was made aware -- in general talks -- that the relationship lasted till the last day before the marriage and it was involved to the extent of sharing hotel rooms, going together to different cities -- all these just 10-15 days before the marriage. I do have chats of that time and I when I showed that to her, including SMSes. She is saying it just happened and she has no explanation.  I do not intend to break my marriage as we have lovely kids to raise, but I am not able to digest these incidents. The thing that really hurts me is that she is not regretting this and always saying that its part of her good memories of life. I just can't digest this. I think I need some help to come to peace with this situation as this is spoiling the atmosphere at home. Regards, A bleeding heart.
Ans:

Dear Bleeding Heart,

I think you need to come to terms with your wife’s past.

The situation speaks for itself, doesn’t it? She loved someone else but was pressured into an arranged match with you. And then proceeded to enjoy as much time with the man she loved before she gave herself away to someone else, who was practically a stranger then.

It’s very understandable.

I get that you’re feeling a little duped, given that she was still with the other man right up until the wedding, but get over it.

She’s been with you for 10 years since then, is the mother of your children and obviously loves you now; you have a happy marriage.

You’re behaving like she cheated on you, when in fact she revealed the truth to you herself. So leave the past where it belongs and look forward to the future.

The only problem here is your bruised male ego.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8617 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2025
Money
Sir, I am 57 years old and working in a private company with salary of Rs.81,000/month. I have purchased three Max life life gain-20 policy insurances each with Rs. 50000 premiums for 6 years pay (Total Rs.9 Lakhs) (2012-2018). Purchased policy of one-time lumpsum LIC Jeevan shanti pension plan for Rs.10 Lakhs and the 1st annuity payment of Rs. 10,054/month starts from year 2029. Also invested Rs. 8 Lakhs in Post office pension plan of 5 years which I am continuing it every 5 years where i get nearly Rs.5000/month. I have one more Max life guaranteed monthly income plan of 6 pay premium of 1,15,458/year which is completed in 2018 and started getting pension for first five years Rs.5000/month and then from 6th year getting Rs.9400/month pension. It will end in 2029. Now I have purchased in HDFC Guaranteed Pension Plan for Rs. 10 Lakhs for 5 five years with premium of Rs.2 Lakhs per year where I have paid 1st premium in 2024. This will give annuity of Rs. 94,599/year i.e, Rs.7883/month after 6 years (year 2029 onwards). I have FDs of Rs. 21 Lakhs which I am renewing it every year which I cannot touch as it is meant for my 2 children. My monthly expenditure is Rs.35,000 since I am staying small city. Please suggest me how can I manage to get a monthly pension of Rs. 40,000 when I quit the job at the age 61 (year 2029). Thank you
Ans: You have made many thoughtful financial decisions. Let us now work together to align your investments to ensure a regular income of Rs. 40,000 per month from age 61 (year 2029).

Here is a 360-degree detailed plan structured under clear sub-headings, as per your request.

 
1. Understanding Your Current Situation

Your age is 57. You have 4 more working years.

 

Your current income is Rs. 81,000 per month.

 

Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000. You are financially disciplined.

 

You already have pension sources planned post-2029.

 

You do not want to touch your Rs. 21 lakh FD corpus. It is for your children.

 

Your goal is to generate Rs. 40,000/month from age 61. You seek certainty and consistency.

 

You have invested in both insurance and pension products. Most are non-market linked.

 
2. Summary of Pension Flows from 2029

Let’s break down what income you are expected to receive starting 2029:

 

LIC annuity: Rs. 10,054 per month

 

Post Office pension: Rs. 5,000 per month (if continued)

 

Max Life Guaranteed Monthly Income Plan: Rs. 9,400 per month (till 2029, so not helpful after)

 

HDFC Pension Plan: Rs. 7,883 per month

 

Total confirmed pension starting 2029: Rs. 22,937 per month

 

Gap to reach Rs. 40,000 per month: Rs. 17,000 approx.

 
So, we need to plan how to fill this Rs. 17,000 shortfall.

 
3. Insurance Policies Review

You have 3 traditional Max Life Life Gain-20 plans. Total premium: Rs. 9 lakhs.

 

These are low return, low flexibility products.

 

They are mostly insurance-cum-investment products.

 

Such plans yield 4% to 5% returns over long term. Not ideal for income generation.

 
Suggestion: You have already completed all premiums. It is not advisable to surrender them now. You can wait for maturity. Then, reinvest maturity amount in mutual funds for monthly income.

 
4. Gaps in Income from 2029

Let us now build strategy to generate extra Rs. 17,000 per month post 2029.

 

You have 4 more years before retirement. These are crucial for wealth building.

 

Let us identify available surplus each month. Your income is Rs. 81,000. Expenses are Rs. 35,000.

 

That gives you Rs. 46,000 monthly surplus.

 

From this, set aside some amount for emergency fund and health cover.

 

You can still invest Rs. 30,000 per month comfortably.

 

This amount can be channelised into high-growth investments.

 
5. Investment Strategy Before Retirement

The focus is to build an income-generating portfolio.

 

Allocate Rs. 30,000 per month into equity mutual funds.

 

Prefer actively managed mutual funds. Avoid index funds. Index funds are average performers.

 

Actively managed funds give flexibility and can outperform index. Especially with expert guidance.

 

Invest through regular plans with support of a Mutual Fund Distributor who is also a Certified Financial Planner.

 

Regular plans offer ongoing tracking and guidance. Direct funds lack personalised service.

 

At this age, you need guidance more than saving few rupees on commissions.

 

Use combination of Large Cap, Flexi Cap and Balanced Advantage Funds.

 

These funds suit your risk profile and retirement timeline.

 

Continue SIPs till 2029. Build corpus.

 

From 2029, use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for monthly income.

 

This can generate the extra Rs. 17,000 you need.

 
6. SWP Strategy for Post-Retirement Income

SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) is ideal for retirement income.

 

You can redeem small fixed amounts monthly.

 

Your money remains invested and continues to grow.

 

This provides regular income + capital appreciation.

 

SWP is more tax-efficient than interest income.

 

With mutual fund taxation, long-term capital gains up to Rs. 1.25 lakh is tax-free.

 

Above this limit, taxed at only 12.5%.

 

Plan withdrawals in such a way to remain tax-efficient.

 

This gives much better returns than traditional pension plans.

 
7. FDs for Children – Do Not Touch

You have Rs. 21 lakhs in FDs for children. This is a wise allocation.

 

Do not disturb this amount.

 

Just keep renewing annually.

 

If needed, reinvest maturity into debt mutual funds for better returns.

 

But ensure the capital remains safe.

 
8. Other Points to Consider

Review health insurance. Ensure Rs. 10 lakh individual health cover.

 

Also have Rs. 25 lakh family floater cover if dependents exist.

 

Medical costs rise faster than inflation. Health cover is crucial.

 

Keep emergency fund of Rs. 2 lakhs in savings account or liquid funds.

 

Avoid new insurance policies. Focus on wealth creation, not insurance.

 

Avoid annuity products. They offer low returns and lack flexibility.

 

Annuities are taxed fully. Mutual funds are more tax-friendly.

 
9. Timeline and Action Plan

From 2025 to 2029:

 

Invest Rs. 30,000 per month in mutual funds.

 

Review portfolio every 6 months with Certified Financial Planner.

 

Avoid investing in new endowment or pension plans.

 

Build corpus of at least Rs. 22 lakhs to generate Rs. 17,000 monthly post 2029.

 
From 2029 onwards:

 

Use pension income from LIC, Post Office, HDFC plan.

 

Use SWP from mutual fund corpus to get additional Rs. 17,000 per month.

 

Review income annually. Adjust SWP amount as per inflation.

 
10. Asset Allocation Recommendation

Ideal mix for your age and goals:

 

50% Equity Mutual Funds (growth + income via SWP)

 

30% Pension sources (LIC, HDFC, PO schemes)

 

20% Emergency and FD funds (untouched)

 
11. Retirement Income Taxation Insight

Annuity income is fully taxable.

 

SWP income is tax-efficient. Long term capital gains up to Rs. 1.25 lakh is tax-free.

 

Income from mutual funds can be managed to stay within tax slabs.

 

FDs also fully taxable. Use cautiously.

 
12. Final Insights

You are on the right track. You have created solid pension base.

 

Only gap is Rs. 17,000 per month from 2029.

 

This gap can be filled by building equity mutual fund portfolio in next 4 years.

 

Mutual funds offer growth, flexibility and tax-efficiency.

 

Avoid further insurance products. They are not meant for income generation.

 

Track expenses post retirement. Adjust lifestyle if needed.

 

Review investments annually with Certified Financial Planner.

 

Do not go for risky products or unregulated schemes.

 

Stay disciplined. Follow the plan. You will reach your goal peacefully.

 
Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
 
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |5572 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 31, 2025

Career
Sir i got ECE(Embedded systems) with an minor course of artificial intelligence and machine learning in VIT-AP under fee category 1 is it is good course to join and can we get good packages with that course
Ans: VIT-AP’s ECE (Embedded Systems) with a minor in AI/ML under Category 1 fees is a strong choice, blending core electronics with cutting-edge AI applications. The program offers ABET-accredited coursework covering ARM architecture, FPGA design, IoT, and real-time operating systems, complemented by AI/ML modules like Python, neural networks, and data analytics. Labs feature NVIDIA Jetson Nano kits, ARM Cortex-M boards, and industry tools (TensorFlow, MATLAB), ensuring hands-on expertise in embedded-AI integration. While core ECE roles (embedded developer, IoT engineer) are prioritized, the AI/ML minor enables transitions into AI-driven robotics, automotive systems, or industrial automation. VIT-AP’s 95% placement rate (2024) for ECE includes recruiters like Intel, Bosch, and Samsung for embedded roles, while TCS/Infosys hire for AI/ML-adjacent IT positions. The curriculum’s 30+ industry projects (e.g., drone navigation using ML) enhance employability, though niche AI roles may require certifications (NVIDIA DLI, AWS ML). Category 1’s lower fees (?7.8L tuition) make it cost-effective, but ensure proactive skill-building via hackathons and research papers to leverage hybrid ECE-AI opportunities. All the BEST for your Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURURS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8617 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 31, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2025
Money
Sir, I have closed my ppf account and got 10 lacs. Should I invest these in mutual fund or repay my home loan(at 8.25%). Request to share few of good mutual funds.
Ans: You have shared detailed inputs. I really appreciate your clarity and effort. Your goals are big and your commitment towards them is sincere. Now let us assess your mutual fund portfolio, analyse gaps and plan a proper rebalancing strategy.

Below is a complete 360-degree review of your investments and recommendations.

Investment Goals Review
You have two important goals.

First, Rs 1 crore for your child’s education after 10 years.

Second, Rs 1 crore for your retirement after 10 years.

Both goals are clear, time-bound and realistic.

Your goal-based investing mindset is appreciable.

Your high risk appetite also helps in targeting long-term wealth creation.

Since your goals are after 10 years, an equity-oriented strategy suits you well.

But continuous monitoring and timely rebalancing is important.

Staying invested is not enough. Strategic adjustments are needed over time.

Let us evaluate your existing SIPs next.

Existing SIP Portfolio Assessment
You are currently investing Rs 15,500 every month through SIPs.

All your funds are from equity categories.

Your portfolio has coverage in large cap, mid cap, flexicap and large & mid cap.

This gives a decent diversification within equity.

There is sectoral and market cap mix in place.

You have avoided overlapping funds, which is good.

Overall fund selection shows that you are targeting growth.

The portfolio leans more towards mid cap and flexicap strategies.

These have potential for high growth but also higher volatility.

A balance of stability and growth is needed going ahead.

There is no hybrid or balanced allocation yet.

This limits protection during market downturns.

SIP amounts also need to be increased gradually towards your Rs 25,000 limit.

Let us now look at your discontinued SIPs.

Analysis of Discontinued SIPs
You have stopped SIPs in two equity funds.

First, a small cap fund with Rs 56,000 invested.

Second, an emerging bluechip fund with Rs 2.64 lakhs invested.

You have not redeemed them yet.

Retaining them without active investment creates portfolio imbalance.

These funds are lying idle without a goal alignment.

Small caps are highly volatile and risky in nature.

In a high-risk profile, small caps are okay but in limited exposure only.

The emerging bluechip fund has a mid and large cap mix.

But as you have stopped SIPs here, it's not adding consistency anymore.

Keeping these without integration weakens your portfolio structure.

You must rebalance and reinvest them wisely.

Rebalancing Strategy for Idle Funds
You can plan fresh allocation from the Rs 3.2 lakh idle investments.

Divide it between small cap and hybrid funds.

Allocate Rs 1 lakh to small cap fund in lumpsum.

Use only a high-quality, consistently performing small cap fund.

Start fresh SIP of Rs 2,000 in the same small cap fund monthly.

Avoid sector-based or thematic small caps. Use only diversified fund.

Allocate remaining Rs 2.2 lakhs into a hybrid aggressive equity fund.

This hybrid fund will provide cushion during volatile market periods.

Hybrid funds offer growth and protection.

They rebalance equity and debt dynamically.

They reduce emotional panic during market corrections.

Also start SIP of Rs 2,000 in the same hybrid fund.

Gradual entry through SIP helps reduce risk.

Monthly SIP Reallocation
You can invest up to Rs 25,000 monthly in SIPs.

You are currently investing Rs 15,500.

Increase SIPs by Rs 9,500 across suggested categories.

Here is a balanced approach for this:

Increase flexicap fund SIP by Rs 2,000.

Start fresh SIP in hybrid aggressive fund for Rs 2,000.

Start fresh SIP in a small cap fund for Rs 2,000.

Increase SIP in large and midcap fund by Rs 1,500.

Increase SIP in large cap fund by Rs 2,000.

This mix will offer growth and controlled volatility.

Key Strengths in Your Portfolio
You are consistent in SIP investments.

You have selected funds from different categories.

Your goals are clear and measurable.

You have stopped some SIPs but not exited impulsively.

You have stayed invested in equity through all phases.

Your risk profile is well aligned to your strategy.

Areas That Need Improvement
There is no allocation to hybrid or debt.

All current SIPs are in pure equity.

Portfolio lacks downside protection.

Small caps need to be handled cautiously.

Idle investments must be put to use.

SIP amount is under-utilised. You can invest more.

No automatic rebalancing mechanism is in place.

Future goals need better alignment with asset allocation.

Importance of Diversified Allocation
Equity is good for growth.

But combining it with hybrid gives better stability.

Flexicap and large & mid cap give market-wide coverage.

Small cap must be less than 10-15% of overall portfolio.

Hybrid funds manage asset mix smartly.

They reduce emotional decision-making in volatile markets.

Flexibility in funds increases long-term success.

Risk Management Suggestions
Equity funds carry market risk.

Small cap and mid cap have high volatility.

Avoid overexposure to one market cap.

Limit small cap exposure to 10-12% of total.

Maintain some investments in hybrid or balanced funds.

Don’t try to time the market.

Stay invested through ups and downs.

Review your portfolio once every 6 months.

Taxation Awareness
When selling equity mutual funds:

LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

Plan redemption only after checking tax impact.

Keep track of each fund’s holding period.

Avoid Direct Funds
You did not mention direct funds. But here is a key note.

Direct funds may look cheaper.

But they don’t offer guidance or support.

Investing through an MFD with CFP certification adds great value.

You get timely reviews, goal alignment and hand-holding.

Many investors lose more by mistakes in direct funds.

Avoid Index Funds
Index funds follow a passive strategy.

They just copy the market index.

No active selection or exit is done by the fund manager.

During market falls, index funds also fall without protection.

Actively managed funds aim for better risk-adjusted returns.

Good active funds can beat benchmarks consistently.

Next Steps to Follow
Reinvest idle funds into small cap and hybrid fund.

Start fresh SIPs of Rs 2,000 in each.

Increase existing SIPs to reach Rs 25,000 monthly.

Focus on flexicap, hybrid, large and midcap.

Keep small cap SIP under 15% of monthly SIP.

Stay invested with discipline for 10 years.

Don’t panic during market corrections.

Do portfolio review every 6 months.

Take guidance from Certified Financial Planner regularly.

Finally
You have built a good foundation.

You just need sharper planning now.

Your goals are possible with a better structure.

Rebalance idle investments.

Allocate monthly SIPs smartly.

Focus on stability, growth and discipline.

You are on the right track. Continue with focus and patience.

A Certified Financial Planner can guide you further with custom planning.

Keep your financial journey goal-driven and well-monitored.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x