Why does my senior colleague who is separated from his wife give me expensive gifts? I respect him for his knowledge and thats about it. He is 50 plus. And my age is 32. This is in spite of the fact that i am happily married for and have a 8 year old son. He wants to call me every month and talk. He also wants to meet me in person. I have explained to him that i am committed to my husband. Why does he do this? How do i handle this situation?

Hi, I'm someone. Sorry for taking your time please read this and help me I really need someone to guide me in my life right now. Sorry for this long mail. I would be really glad if you take time and read this. I am 23 years old, a married girl. I got married to my husband on December 10 2021 last year. It was an arranged marriage. Our family met along with us in 2019 and fixed our marriage. At first I didn't wanted to marry because it was too early and I was just pursuing my bachelor's degree but my family didn't listen to me as I was the elder one so they wanted me to get married before they got old. I agreed and slowly started developing a fondness and liking towards my fiance and later fell in love with him. But after our marriage things started to feel a bit weird. He has too many female friends which I'm absolutely fine with. I'm not that conservative. They all were invited in our wedding and I met them. they seem nice people but one of his friends is bothering. Let’s call her Y. My husband keeps talking to her on calls and messages all the time and the conversations are absolutely boring like they don't have anything to talk but still they keep up the conversation. I used to think it's fine or maybe I'm being too possessive but when I got to know that he spent 12 lakh on her I was shocked. He also spends money on her on a daily basis. He books an Uber for her daily. Whenever she needs anything he will immediately say I will bring it for you. Y is also married her husband is fine with it because he also takes money from my husband. In fact her whole family takes money. They're financially not very strong so I understand this thing of helping someone. What I don't understand is why does my husband have to talk to her all the time? Even when I'm sitting right in front of him he would ignore me.Apart from Y, there is one more person he treats the same way, his ex. A few days after our marriage I checked his phone (I know it's wrong but my instinct let me do to so cause of his behaviour) and I found some messages from 2019 between my husband and his ex. The conversations clearly proved that they were in a relationship and broke up in 2019. When I asked him indirectly as I didn't want him to know that I checked his phone he said that the (ex) is his sister. He lied! And I found that they are still friends which I understand. I'm fine with that. But I cannot be fine with them talking on a daily basis and my husband fulfilling all her wishes just like the first girl Y. He even took a screenshot her picture (ex) and saved it when she uploaded it on her WhatsApp status a few days after our marriage. When I asked him why are you keeping her picture, he denied and said oh aise hi, I guess by mistake So I ignored that. But he calls and sends gifts to her. He even takes me along with him to buy presents for her so that I don't think that it's wrong. I always ask him why are you talking to your ex and Y all the time; you don't even spend time with me. Because of this there are lots of fights happening between us. He said he has work load and is frustrated with his life, dealing with depression, so to avoid those feelings he talks with his friends. I understood and allowed him to talk but he spends Rs 8,000-9,000 every month on them. He once said that he has to give them money so that they won't stop talking with him; that's how friendship works including Rs 5,000 flight ticket and taking loan worth Rs 12-13 lakh for them. I am a fool in love so I got easily manipulated and allowed him but not completely. I set a limit for him to not over spend more than Rs 5000 per month on them. My family and friends are constantly suggesting that I leave him as he doesn't care about my feelings that I have given him way too many chances. Whenever I try to confront him for meeting up with them or spending too much money on them he immediately starts caring for me the next day. Because of this I always get confused that maybe he loves me too and I'm just being a possessive wife. I told him I will divorce you if you keep treating me like this and keep talking to your girls day and night. He said I shouldn’t talk like that and doesn't want me to divorce him as he loves me and he wouldn't have chosen me in the first place if he liked them.Whenever I try to confront him about the girls, he says I think you have a boyfriend and you are cheating on me. Give me your phone I will check your phone. I heard call recordings of him and Y. He records the conversations he has with the girls. When I asked he said he does it so that those girls or anyone won't blame him in future that he said something wrong. Anyway, I heard my husband saying bad things about me to Y in one of those recordings after being frustrated with me as I fought with him because of them. I was really broken. He said I don't give him space which is not true and he wants to go alone to places like markets or KFC or wherever he wants but I'm not letting him do that. At the same time he asked Y if she wants to join him and meet up at a certain place. I don't understand him. If there isn't anything wrong then why is he talking with her day and night and not being bored and with me he rarely spends time and wants space. His parents are fed up with him they told me he has been like this always. They support me and want him to get away from those girls. They married me to him so that he would leave those girls and stop spending such big amounts of money on them. But he doesn't want to get away from them. He said that if by chance one day those girls stopped talking to him for some reason then he will definitely leave them. But they never stop. I don't understand why is he waiting for them to stop and why doesn't HE wants to stop. Depression? Maybe I don't know. I even told him let's meet up with a therapist but he refused and said he's fine and I'm being dramatic. He talks to them at work and at home.If he doesn't talk to them for a day he will get mad. I remember one time he was panicked and kept saying I want to talk to Y. It's not like they are blackmailing and stuff; they don't even want to talk with him. He is the one who keeps calling them; it's very weird. He is fighting with his family, fighting with me, just for them. He manipulates me a lot. He has lied to me several times about not meeting with Y. Please advice what I should do. My friends say I should divorce him as my mental health is deteriorating because of him. I love him a lot but he doesn't care. He says he loves me but I don't find honesty in those words as he keeps repeating the things that bother me and our relation.

Dear Love Guru, I was in a serious relationship with a senior student during my college days. We broke off due to his overtly flirtatious nature with other girls. This was my first relationship and pained me a lot when it ended abruptly. Fast forward, the company I just joined has the same guy working in a senior position. He is married now and from what I know has a kid too.  I shrugged off the past and graciously met him within our professional boundaries, but he started hitting on me with mushy comments about my appearance. The other day, I received a text from him asking me to go out for dinner with him. His behaviour is really affecting my mental and emotional state. How do I tackle this situation? 

Hi Anu, I'm 53 years and have been married for the past 27 years. I have a 25 year daughter. I am well educated (MBA) and my husband has just barely passed his BA. My husband used to be very short tempered and shout at me for every other thing since the beginning of our marriage. Also he used to do the same to our daughter. He also has a thing for women other than me/daughter...He loves staring at servants especially when they bend down, or while travelling in a train he likes watching girls/ladies climbing on the upper berth, or peeping into an autorickshaw to check out the lady inside. He also loves helping out ladies, (like their saviour) and will go to any extent even late at night to help them out (like carrying a sick colleague to the doctor, or finding a PG for a female person). He has even gone on tour with his lady colleague and called her home for office work when I and my daughter were at our native. Also he has given rides to female colleagues on the back of his scooter. He loves chatting up receptionists (be it at the doctor's or any other office) and joking with them. He is also obsessive with the personal problems of his brothers/their wives and their kids...giving them far more importance over and above us. Especially since the past 2 years when he lost his job due to corona pandemic, he has time now and will call them day in and day out trying to solve their problems and has also prayed ceaselessly for them, asked various astrologers for parihara for their problems etc. He is not at all worried about his own family facing a breakdown and no income. He is trying to start a cool-drink business with his partner but that is getting delayed because of the rainy season. I had visited a psychiatrist many years ago and he said I shouldn't take it so personally since this happens all the time where men and women interact in office and we can't prevent it. But I believe he is excessive in his interest in the opp sex, and he also treats me in a demeaning/derogatory manner...like trying to dominate over me and suppress me through the tone of his voice and shouting and trying to be one up. I have borne all this for 27 years for my daughter's sake and now that she is independent, I would like to separate from him for my own mental and physical health. My nature is mild and I do not like confrontations so I just end up crying. I am also not strong emotionally. I am already on anxiety and BP medication, and also get palpitations when I get upset. Please advise me Anu, on should I proceed with this separation. Marital counselling is ruled out since he will never attend it thinking that he is all perfect and I am the one having problems. My daughter is coming next week and she will support me fully in whatever decision I take. Thank you so much for your time and patience.

I am married working women .supportive hubby & my lovely children complete my family . I have been feeling intense infatuation with one of my married collegue.he used to help me a lot in office related issues. He used to complement me a lot for very normal things in front of others, not for looks but my working & way oc handling things. I was uneasy about that initially but started enjoying the attention later. But I dont know when I started liking him & Always wanted to be around ...He is younger to me and I am fully aware that nothing can happen between us. Than one day He bypassed me and for his own fault at work , he manipulated things and asked a favor for me from our team leader showing he is helping me...While in same situation when he was wrong I once sorted things on my own and did not make conplaint to team leader. Now i am feeling cheated and while working I have to see him everyday. What to do? How to remain and look normal. I feel weak in front of him and I dont want to keep any relation with him. But I still feel good & comfortable when he is around. its so weird.

Hi! I want to declutter my mind . Please help me. I am a working married women. One of married collegue in office started appreciating me and i took notice of him. Initially I felt it awkward but later I started enjoying the attention. It went in and I started feeling good. I started to give more time to myself to look good. Then that person is very handsome, and uses slangs that are not appropriate in office. I overlooked everything as he became my favorite. I even overlooked his mistakes. He started coming late , going early also. He helped me in my office work a lot. I felt very comfortable in his company. He was like work spouse for me. He became a habit for me. Than one day there came a situation, one should take responsibility for the wrong decision in office.it was his call and he could have avoided it being reported to my seniors as I helped him previously for same situation but he reported. I still had feelings for him. Now I felt bad. But it was ok. Than one or two times he accidentally touched me , It was not acceptable to me as if I am being taken for granted.i even don't know if it was intentional ... Some other junior also tried to outsmart me. Than I went to my senior and asked the solution for smooth Functioning in office and asked office to sensitize employees for appropriate behaviour. Now that person has for whom I still have crush , took it personally and stopped talking to me properly. Where was I wrong , also I took this step as reminder of sexual harrasment to avoid any further advancement of touching and all . The problem is I still like him and it's a void I am feeling and I feel I miss that happy vibe in office. Things are not normal. I am stressed ...I know I did nothing wrong. How to calm myself and stop longing for him when I see him everyday. I feel like I should talk to him to behave normally but can not do that. What should I do. I am ok when I don't see him but I feel bad when he is talking with others normally . he used to be coordinating with me for all office things but now he does not do that.he does with other. He used to wish me on festival.he stopped doing that too. I really feel bad. Please help me with my thought process.