My son is 20 years old. Few days ago he went to my parents place. He stole 60K from my fathers account. I am disturbed by this act, dont know how to handle this situation. How should I talk to him regarding this, please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Teenage time is the most confusing time for children and parents alike. And with the digital age, it's only getting tougher. Dealing with butter fingers, yet being firm with them, works at times and doesn't at other times.
If this behaviour change of his is sudden, something could have triggered it.
Check points:
- What is the company of friends that he keeps?
- How is the environment at home? Peaceful and loving OR Restless and agitated?
- What is the relationship that he shares with either of his parents?
- Is the channel of communication at home such that he can share anything?
- Is there any pressure on academic performance from home or school?
- Has there been any instance around him or with him that has been emotionally draining? Like a loss of a loved one or a friend?

Do go over this list and be spot on while answering them. It will allow you to get to the source of the problem rather than just focus on his behaviour. Instead of reprimanding him for his behaviour, watch for it closely while you get to the source of it all.
If it's challenging to go through this all by yourself, please without any delay seek the help of a professional who specifically works with adolescents and adolescent behaviour. Be compassionate through the process as he needs both his parents while transitioning back. It is worrisome, I fathom it, but he needs you on his side and not against him.
So, do the right thing and act immediately.
All the best!

Ans: Dear Rajat,
I am truly sorry for your loss and may your family heal through this.
There is a reason why your nephew chooses to steal...Does he miss his father and doesn't know how to say it and is asking for attention by stealing? One would never know...

Right now, he is also in grief like the rest of you...but this behaviour cannot go unnoticed.
A lot of love and care for him to bounce back from this loss may help him get back on his feet.
But, if the stealing habit does not stop, kindly visit a child psychologist who might suggest simple behavioural therapies that can eliminate this from the source. This requires an in-person intervention...

All the best and kindly do not delay the further course of action!

Ans: Dear Srinivas,
While it's important to address the concerns within the family, it's also crucial to respect the individual choices and relationships of your adult son. Striking a balance between expressing concerns and allowing autonomy can be challenging but is essential for maintaining a healthy family dynamic Offer support to your son while guiding him about responsible financial decisions. Help him understand the potential consequences of being a guarantor and lending money Seek to understand the dynamics of your son's relationship with the girl. It's essential to know whether they have a stable and healthy relationship or if there are any red flags. Consider having a conversation with the girl to understand her intentions and reasons for involving your son in her financial matters.Keep the conversation respectful and non-confrontational to foster open communication Establish clear boundaries about financial involvement in relationships. Encourage your son to communicate with the family before making significant financial commitments.

Ans: Dear Nafees,
Well, your son is at an age where his focus is getting validation from girls. And he's just doing that...
Is there a father figure or some male member within the family who can take on the role of stepping in as your husband is away? This person can help guide your son back where he starts to focus on academics and understanding that social circles are just part of his life and right now the focus must be on his studies...if he still does not change, kindly call your husband back for a few weeks to take care of the situation...the boy needs his father/father figure who can be firm with him and yet appeal to him at this juncture of life.
It does not mean that as a mother you can't do this...It's just that he isn't responding to you and that's why I am making an alternate suggestion...Make this attempt and see what happens...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Okay, so what exactly seems to get you worked up?
The fact that your younger brother steals?
OR
That you don't fancy your mother's parenting?
Mixing up the two is only going to complicate matters more...You may have an opinion on how your brother must be dealt with; share that opinion and then leave it to your parents...they know what to do...
And go give some credit yo your parents; they are still learning how to parent children in this digital age...as much as you may find reasons to criticize how your mother handles situations. do understand that they carry some wisdom from their experiences in life as well.
Now, all that wisdom may seem old-fashioned; then talk to her about it...offer your thoughts on it rather than finding few and many reasons as to WHY her techniques don't work. It will no doubt frustrate you as you are trying to accentuate the issue rather than solve it.
Have a chat with your mother, listen to her and then present your perspectives...there maybe thoughts that don't go well with you; SEEK clarifications and give when you think that your mother maybe right as well. If you feel that a few changes from her may help the situation as home to ease, then clearly state this and wait for her response. Explain to her about how it might help go to the root of any problem (in your brother's case).
Also, a strict talk with your brother is necessary as stealing that goes unnoticed today can lead to bigger things in future. Work together as a single family unit.
Change happens when everyone at home work together and not work at cross-purposes.
You are right from your point and view and your mother maybe right from hers. Talk and come to a conclusion rather than sit on opposite sides...Actually the secret to a very calm household is a lot of USEFUL communication...So do just that!

All the best!