Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

I am a 60 year old bachelor and leading a carefree life. 3 years back I met a 46 year old spinster from my office where I work and immediately fell in love with her. So much so that I have made my mail id password on her name. At her age she is a drop dead beauty. We get along like a house on fire. We have also gone to many places of tourist interest. We also have been physical quite a few times. Recently, I came to know that she is in a relationship with someone for the past 14 years. This someone happens to be a childhood friend aged 59 years and is married with 2 very grown up children. I have expressed my love to her and have asked her hand in marriage. She has been apprehensive and does not respond. Her father and siblings like my presence. What should I do? Please advice.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You want a relationship and she obviously doesn't! Or at least it does not seem that she is in love with you like you are with her.
She possibly is not interested in tying herself down into a commitment which is a personal choice of hers. Of course, you can have an honest conversation with her about it and express your intentions on a future with her clearly. Set a time period by which she thinks and gets back to you on her decision otherwise you will be left waiting. After consideration if she still feels strongly about not moving on your proposal, you have two choices!
Either you accept that she will be in a connection with the other person and you OR you can choose to move on as accepting that situation may not be easy.
So, essentially what you are doing is expressing and allowing her the time needed for consideration. You will also feel better knowing that you have made an honest attempt.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 07, 2023

Listen
Relationship
I am 42 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some compulsion they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot is still waiting for me and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear P,
This is a confused and confusing situation that you are in. Kindly do not confuse yourself any further. She might never be able to step out of her marriage and be with you. So, are you some kind of a 'spare' person? Are you willing to play a secondary role in someone's life when you have the chance to be the primary person in a well-defined relationship?
Being friends and supporting one another is one thing; but being in a relationship that has no structure invariably causes misunderstandings, anger, disappointments and more confusion.
When she is clear that she will stick by her marriage, let this be...why wouldn't you simply be a friend who also wants to create his own life.
It's nice to live in a fantasy world and assume that this kind of an engagement will work; it's far from the truth...You are worried about destroying her disturbed life; do look into what you are doing to your life as well. Chasing behind someone who is married and intends to be in it is like chasing a ghost that will never be seen or heard but will certainly cause anguish in some form to you.
Be wise, at 42, you still can build your life that is not dependent on someone else's emotions and boundaries. You deserve a good life; so create it.

All the best!
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |823 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 42 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some compulsion they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot is still waiting for me and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
She is married and not happy and loves you BUT will not recognize your relationship in public!
You are unmarried and want to wait for someone who won't give you the presence that you deserve!
Do the right thing...allow her to be committed to her marriage rather than be her emotional crutch...in the long run, you will be left high and dry after investing a lot of emotions into her...
Shift focus onto your life and building it the way that you want. When you put your life and emotions into someone else's hands, you end up becoming a puppet swaying about with no stability whatsoever. Put more energies into yourself instead...

All the best!
(more)
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 30, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am 43 year old unmarried male . I loves someone from my childhood and she also loves me but because of her family she agrees and got married to someone else and now she had one 12yr child. After her marriage I never kept contact with her respecting her decision for her family and assuming that she is living a happy life But during Corona-2021 she contacted me and told me about her life where her husband is in relationship with other married woman and is giving everything to that lady as his wife. She told these to her parents but because of some reason they both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is. She told me that she loves me a lot and doesn’t feel complete without me. She is honest in her married life but after these incident she dont want to live there but unable to exit because of family condition. She told me she loves me and need me above all and everything in life she wants me to remain with her like her life partner but because of some compulsion she is not in a conditon to give our relationship a NAME in society. Everytimes she told me that she love me a lot and says that I am more than anything else in life to her and she does not want to lose me as well. We shares everything with each other like husband-wife. I am always there for her and will support her in all respect so that she became happy and lead a healthy life. But sometimes I feel that I shall come out from this as these will further destroy her disturbed life but at times I feel I don’t able to leave her and all I need is that she live a happy life and ready to do anything for these. What shall I do here? Please guide.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It is refreshing to see someone so selfless as you. I understand and appreciate your love and how much you are ready to sacrifice for her. However, I would like to offer a suggestion – it's crucial to prioritize your own mental and emotional health in this situation. While it's unfortunate that she is dealing with challenges in her marriage, resorting to having an affair might not be the most constructive way to cope.

I suggest that she and her husband explore the option of seeking professional help through a marriage counselor. This could help them navigate the complexities of their relationship and make an informed decision about whether to continue their marriage or part ways. In case they decide to separate, it would be valid for you two to start a relationship and pursue a happy life together. But if they decide to remain married, I fear that you might end up sacrificing your own chance at a fulfilling love life. I realize that you might be okay with it, but it isn't fair to you.

I encourage you to have an open and honest discussion with her before committing to anything, ensuring that your feelings and well-being are also taken into account.

Best Wishes!
(more)
Latest Questions
Maxim

Maxim Emmanuel  |171 Answers  |Ask -

Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 25, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
I passed MD in 2023 i did senior residency for 5 months then due to family reasons i discontinued and started doing a private job in small 30 bedded hospital light job less emergency calls and 10 min drive . Now iam offered senior residency in a medical college which is far away 40 min drive form city. Should i finish my sr ship which is going to be very very hectic or should i not? and continue working in private (there is no monetary benifit both jobs are paying me same ). Which is better in future
Ans: Interesting question Dr. being a Doctor of Medicine,you are a specialist, but as you state theres a family reason,that made you discontinue your senior residency with in 5 month's.

Now let's understand the current situation you are in a comfortable situation and the family situation seems settled .

I see you are now offered Senior Residency which you can complete being a Senior Resident in not exceeding 3 years, you can certainly complete it anytime,peacefully before completing 45 year's.

Now the conclusion it absolutely does not make sense taking the high pressure & hectic assignment for no monetary benefits.!?

The future is peace of mind, I say this with great confidence of high pressure situations.. Life is longevity of living it well, minus the stress

Your time will come ...settle down my boy settle down..

Here's the Lyrics ..

Settle down, an eat your peas and gravy, my boy
Settle down, settle down my boy settle down
Stop wasting all your time with running around the town
Settle down, settle down my boy settle down
Knuckle down and find a job and take some responsibility
Settle down, settle down my boy settle down
The future's something you should be thinking about
Settle down, settle down my boy settle down
Look around for a wife to start a family, my boy
Settle down, settle down my boy settle down
Listen toy our father and he'll tell you the same as me
Settle down, settle down my boy settle down
Your words would go in one ear and out the other side
Don't say my head was empty and I had things to hide
And you better put something away for your old age
So settle down, settle down my boy settle down
Settle down, settle down my boy settle down uh huh huh

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ron Strykert
Settle Down My Boy lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Do listen to the song.. Chill out!
(more)
Archana

Archana Deshpande  |23 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Hi, Im a 23 year old mechanical engineering graduate, currently unemployed, I am feeling to do some progress everyday, but day after day, nothing changes, I cant figure out what to do with this life and feeling very much lost, Cant think properly on doing what changes my life?
Ans: Hello!!

This information you have shared is not enough to understand what is that you are exactly wanting right now.
Let me see how I can help you. First of all extend your arm and pat yourself on the back for completing your engineering. You are a mechanical engineer!! Celebrate the fact and feel good about yourself.

I like the fact where you say "I am currently, unemployed", this can change soon, look out for opportunities, keep attending interviews, prepare well, ask for help, give it your best shot. Treat every failure as part of a learning process in becoming better next time. Surround yourself with positive and encouraging people.

Till you find a job, live life well on a day to day basis-
1. wake up early
2. exercise
3. eat well and sleep well
4. dress well at home too, don't be in your pyjamas, you should be in such a state that if someone asks you to come for an interview right away, you must be ready
5. beware of negative self talk... nip negative thoughts in the bud
6. looking for a job is your full time job, keep looking
7. be helpful around the house if you are living with your parents
8. till you find a job keep learning and building on your skills
9. volunteer to teach and help the less fortunate lot
10. do not sit idle, keep your body and mind active

Constantly invest in activities that ensure your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well being!! Have rituals that focus on these four pillars of your life!

Blessings and all the very best!!
(more)
Maxim

Maxim Emmanuel  |171 Answers  |Ask -

Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Listen
Career
I want career guidance for my son studying in 10th grade in CBSE pattern. He usually secures 85% overall. He stays confused in which stream to choose further. He usually gets good marks in Maths, Physics and Chemistry. He has an introvert personality. He likes playing xbox and cricket and also pursing Keyboard music classes under Trinity Music school certification program. He follows US youtube channels like Dude perfect, Mr.Beast etc and likes exploring latest tech gadgets or mobile apps or mobile features etc. He sometimes like watching Shark tank India episodes etc, but he can't understand the business discussion part. Please suggest which career stream which will suit him well. Thanks.
Ans: I have read your personal evaluation of your son as a doting parent.
I can only advice based on the observations made by you.

In these situations these are called reactive counselling which will not be accurate simply because I haven't heard from the incumbent.
The child is talented and has a creative mind too with the music school certification too!
The mind is experimental looking for new creative challenges.

The career stream should be based on the candidates acumen and aptitude.
Prima facie you have knocked out business and commerce based on your statement can't understand business ...!

Synopsis:gets good marks in Maths, Physics and Chemistry

So science stream is suggested, however need to meet candidate for professional career counselling.

All the best in the most important decision!
(more)
Archana

Archana Deshpande  |23 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Listen
Career
My son 14 yrs old studying in a best cbse english medium school but always have 50 to 60% marks. now he is in 9th class . what should be do for his future ?
Ans: Hello Mr Mukesh!!
Your son is lucky yo have a father who sends him to the best school. He is getting a good foundation. Investigate why he is scoring less. What do his teachers say about him? As a parent how do you evaluate your child? What is his level of understanding in each subject? Where does his interest lie in? Is he consistent with his studies, does he study regularly on a day to day basis? Remember you become a master in what you repeat, revising and recalling is also a very important part of studies to score good marks.

If your son's focus is good and intelligence levels are average, then he can score well with regular studies. Ensure he revises whatever is taught in the school everyday. Also check with him if he understands whatever is taught in the school. Your son is 14, he is a big boy now and can participate in problem solving. Involve him in decision making and empower your son. Let him participate in the process of he scoring good marks, every child wants to do well. Some children can study for an hour and score well, some children need to put in a little extra to score well. See if his score can be improved by having a home tutor. Make studying, gaining knowledge and scoring well a enjoyable, positive experience!

Best wishes to you for positive parenting and best wishes to your son for scoring well!!
(more)
Archana

Archana Deshpande  |23 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
Hello sir, im a married business women running my own store but after i become a mother ,my business is going in loss. Is it im not will balancing between motherhood and business. Please give me some advice.
Ans: Hello!!
You are a married business woman and now you are a mother too!! Congratulations!!
There was a time in the world when a woman was revered just because she was a mother, she carried humanity forward, that in itself was a big responsibility. It is time to put the mother back on the pedestal.....in India they say giving birth, is like a 'punarjanam', rebirth for a woman. Don't you deserve some rest at least for 40 days before you start thinking of your business and all. Your body has undergone a lot during pregnancy and birth of your child. Rest a little, heal well and then get back to work. You deserve it!!

Now the action plan for you to perform the dual responsibility of a mother and a business woman with grace ..
Your baby totally needs you for the first 6 months because you need to breast feed her. Gradually get her used to other care givers. Build a good support system at home as well as at your store. Earmark an area at the store and at your home which can work as home/office. Don't feel guilty about carrying your baby to the office, remember how the New Zealand ex-PM Jacinda Ardern, carried her new born to the parliament?
It is a balancing act between the two... motherhood and business woman, it'll take time and you'll eventually learn it. Give yourself sometime, don't beat yourself down if there is a little loss now in your business or blame motherhood for the loss. With a new born your schedules will go haywire for sometime. Soon you and your baby will settle down into a routine, you'll have to work for that. Be very flexible, flow like a river for sometime, with your mental peace as the centre.
Don't try to do everything by yourself, delegate, seek help.

List out what is important for you in life. Have every task laid out on paper, plan and schedule activities, this one act will bring in a lot of peace to you. You'll never ever feel overwhelmed. Prioritize all tasks on a scale of 1 to 5. Keep your targets simple and doable on a day to day basis.

In between being a mother and a business woman, take care of yourself too!! Sleep well, eat well, 20 mins of physical activity and doing one thing that brings you joy( it can be as small as looking at the sun set or sipping your chai peacefully) on a daily basis will give you the strength to perform your balancing act.

Loads of blessings and best wishes!!
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |867 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello Sir.I am 30 year old from Kolkata,I have been investing in Mutual Fund for SIP of Rs.5000/- monthly since October 2021 with a plan for long term investment.My Portfolio has this equity diversification i.e.Axis Focused 25 Fund Direct Plan Growth,Mirae Asset Large and Mid Cap- Direct Growth plan,Nippon India Small Cap Fund Direct plan growth,HSBC Small Cap fund Direct growth plan and SBI Small Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth. All these all together have accumulated alongwith profit and loss amount of Rs.152000/- .Now whether can i withdraw profit amount only and invest in lumpsum to different fund manager without stopping existing SIP? Also suggest me good portfolio with good return over long term.Please Sir Thanks and Regards Praveen Das
Ans: Hello Praveen,

It's great to see your proactive approach towards long-term investing at 30. Building a diversified equity portfolio through SIPs reflects a disciplined savings habit and a focus on wealth creation.

Regarding your query about withdrawing the profit amount and investing it lumpsum in a different fund without stopping the existing SIPs, it's absolutely feasible. You can choose to reinvest the profit amount in a lumpsum in a different fund manager while continuing your SIPs. However, before making any changes, consider the tax implications and exit load, if any, on the profit amount.

Now, for suggesting a portfolio with good returns over the long term, it's essential to have a balanced approach with exposure to various market segments. Given your existing holdings, you might consider adding a large-cap or flexi-cap fund to provide stability to your portfolio. Additionally, having exposure to international funds or thematic funds can provide diversification and potentially enhance returns.

A Certified Financial Planner can offer personalized advice, analyzing your risk profile, financial goals, and investment horizon. They can guide you on optimizing your portfolio, ensuring a mix of funds that align with your objectives and risk tolerance.

Remember, investing is a journey, and staying invested with a long-term perspective while periodically reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio can help you achieve your financial goals. Best wishes on your investment journey!
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |867 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Pabak Asked on - Mar 16, 2024 I am 70, my wife 56, have a working daughter 25, yet to get married. I have a corpus as follows: Please advise how to re-arrange my savings to generate 35K pm. Daughter's marriege budget is 20 lakh. Presently invested in wife' head Rs. 30lakh in post office TDs laddered for matyrity from 2025 in 4 years( 7Lin 2025, 13Lakh in 2026, 6.5 lakh in 2027 and rest 3.5 lakh in 2028. In my head: SCSS Rs 30 Lakh . In Ujjivan Bank FD 10 Lakh, In running PPF with contribution Rs. 35 Lakh. Total 1.05 Cr. Further I have 9 Lakh in MIS jointly with wife. Regards,
Ans: Hello Pabak,

Firstly, it's commendable that you have a structured approach towards managing your savings at 70. Your concern for your daughter's marriage and planning for a regular income is indeed thoughtful.

To generate 35K pm from a corpus of 1.05 Cr, a withdrawal rate of approximately 4% annually would be required. However, considering your daughter's marriage budget of 20 lakh and other financial commitments, it's essential to strike a balance between growth and liquidity.

Given the laddered maturity of post office TDs, it aligns well with your near-term requirements. However, to optimize returns, you might consider diversifying a portion from SCSS and Ujjivan Bank FD into debt funds or conservative balanced funds. This can potentially enhance returns while maintaining liquidity.

Your PPF contribution of 35 lakh can continue to grow, providing a tax-efficient and secure avenue for long-term savings. Additionally, the 9 lakh in MIS jointly with your wife can be a source of regular income.

A Certified Financial Planner can offer personalized advice, analyzing your financial landscape, and suggesting adjustments tailored to your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. They can guide you on optimizing your portfolio to meet both short-term and long-term financial needs, ensuring a balance between growth and income.

Remember, a well-structured financial plan not only meets your financial goals but also offers peace of mind, allowing you to cherish moments with your loved ones.
(more)
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |867 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Listen
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x