My wife has an extreme fear of lizards and also all reptiles. She is completely panicked if a lizard enters the house and simply cannot function. Please advise how she can overcome this fear.

Ans:

Dear BG,

I am truly sorry for the loss in the family.

Take your aunt to open spaces like parks, beaches…the fear of closed spaces and gasping for air could be triggered from any past experiences.

It’s the way in which she has perceived the experience in the first place that has become her truth and reality.

This needs to be substituted with the experience of open spaces into closed spaces.

Ask her to imagine a beach while she is in an elevator; but make sure someone accompanies her on these trips till she is ready to make trips by herself.

Work with a mental health therapist if she doesn’t want or refuses to make this change.

All said, do make sure that she is not forced with this and it is a slow process as she is still in the process of grieving.

Please help her heal from the loss before suggesting any changes. She needs the love, care and support of the family.

Be well and happy always!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Why would you even want to see snakes from a distance? The fear of snakes is real and I can only imagine how people throw them around their necks and feel joy. But no offence to anyone who loves snakes.

To get rid of your phobia/fear of snakes, ask yourself:
1. Do I live in an area that is dominated by snakes?
2. Am I going to specifically go around searching for snakes to scare me?
3. How often do I visit my native place to keep fearing them everyday?
4. If I do visit my native place, how can I keep myself safe?

These answers will help you find some relief as in it gives you a hold of your thoughts. You also can get into action mode in case, the situation arises. Fears feel real inside the mind, but to challenge them and overcome them is the only way to get past them. Is having the snake around your neck some kind of achievement? Then, you need to someday just go and experience it. I know of people who for eliminating their fears, simply go and DO what scares them in the first place.
If this is not important, then reassure yourself that you live in a safe place and that humans outnumber snakes in that place and that you know what to do when you spot one. Gives you a feeling of reassured control. Hope this helps. But if there is a phobia that is making you lose sleep or appetite, kindly see a professional who works on phobias and it will help you.

All the best!

Ans: it's crucial to understand and address the root of your fear. Reflect on the specific behaviors or situations involving your father or uncle that trigger your anxiety. Journaling can be a valuable tool in this process, allowing you to articulate your feelings and gain insight into the nature of your fear. Recognizing these triggers is essential for developing a plan to manage them.

Developing coping strategies is the next step. Techniques like deep breathing and mindfulness can help you remain calm in stressful situations. When you start feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to focus on your breathing—inhale slowly through your nose, hold briefly, and then exhale through your mouth. This practice can help ground you and reduce immediate anxiety.

Building a supportive network outside of your family can also provide significant relief. Surround yourself with friends, mentors, or a counselor who can offer guidance and a safe space to express your feelings. Talking to someone you trust about your fears can help you gain perspective and reassurance.

It’s also important to gradually build your confidence in handling interactions with your family. Start by setting small, manageable boundaries and practicing assertiveness in low-stakes situations. This can help you develop the skills needed to address more challenging situations when they arise.

If addressing these fears directly with your family feels too daunting, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide strategies to manage your fear and work through any underlying issues. They can also assist in developing communication skills and coping mechanisms tailored to your specific needs.

Ultimately, facing your fears is about building resilience and self-awareness. By taking these proactive steps, you can gradually shift from feeling overwhelmed to feeling more in control and empowered in your interactions with your family. Remember, it’s a process, and being patient with yourself as you work through these challenges is key.

Ans: It's important to create a safe and open space for your daughter to express her feelings. Let her know that it's okay to feel anxious and that you're there to support her. Encourage her to talk about her fears and listen without judgment. Sometimes, just having someone who understands can be incredibly reassuring.

Consider exploring relaxation techniques together, such as deep breathing exercises or mindfulness practices. These can help her manage the immediate symptoms of anxiety. Encouraging her to engage in activities she enjoys can also provide a positive distraction and help reduce overall anxiety levels.

If her anxiety continues to impact her daily life, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial. A professional can provide specific strategies and coping mechanisms tailored to her needs.

Reassure her that it's okay to take small steps and that progress may take time. With your support and the right tools, she can learn to manage her anxiety more effectively.