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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |152 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 04, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Irfan Question by Irfan on Mar 04, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My wife frequently quarrels with me, putting up baseless aligations on character shoutingly so much that everyone in our apartment hears it easily. This conduct of her is affecting badly my 4 year son and 12 year old daughter and badly tarnishing my social life. We are now married for last 10 years and she is always like this towards me. Please hlp as it is effecting my health. Thanks.

Ans: Dear Irfan,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation in your marriage. It sounds like your wife's behavior is not only affecting you, but also your children and social life.

It's important to communicate openly with your wife about how her behavior is affecting you and your family. You can try to have a calm and respectful conversation with her about your concerns and express how her behavior is hurting you and your children. It's important to avoid being defensive or confrontational, as this can escalate the situation and make things worse.

If your attempts to communicate with your wife are not successful, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist. A trained professional can help you both to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflicts and provide you with tools and strategies to improve your communication and relationship.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself. You can seek support from trusted friends or family members, join a support group, or consider individual therapy to help you cope with the stress and emotional toll of the situation.

Remember, it's not healthy or acceptable for anyone to be subjected to baseless allegations or verbal abuse. It's important to take steps to protect yourself and your family from this behavior, whether that means seeking professional help

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |770 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 07, 2021

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Relationship
Hi Anu, my wife is very short tempered and impatient. She regularly shouts at me, when one of the utensils is not washed properly or when I buy breakfast she doesn't like or on rare occasions when I forget to take garbage out. Sometimes she just goes off shouting and I don’t even know the reason. Communication is key here, but the thing here is she again starts shouting, simply refusing to listen to reason or logic. There is no patient talk possible. And I have come to realize that she does this, because she simply can. No other reason. Thankfully, she is all jovial and smiling while interacting with my friends or their wives. Friends thus, have a hard time believing that my wife can be short tempered. Sex life is non-existent because she is always angry about something. On the rare occasion, she simply lies around while I have the sex. She simply has no interest in sex. All I want is a non-angry household. She will also not join me to go to a counselor. I can't afford a divorce because courts rule in favour of the wife and she will get daughter's custody. Not to mention I cannot afford any alimony. All I want is a non-angry, happy household.
Ans: Dear VZ Is your wife always angry? By asking for a non-angry household, do you mean that there isn’t a single moment of peace at home?

It sounds unlikely but I understand that when you choose to see more of what you don’t like, that starts to become bigger.

Also, is it possible for you not to label your wife as short-tempered? Because this is what you will convey to her when in the moment of irritation.

It’s just that’s she is going through a situation which perhaps has gone on for a while now.

Now getting back to the environment at home, has you wife always displayed this kind of behaviour at home or has this been a recent occurrence or has something triggered it?

Sometimes, a massive change within the body due to age can cause it or simply put even excess house work due to the pandemic situation can result in a change in temper.

Can you make an effort to communicate with her and talk to her rather than expect her to change?

Communicate in love and care and support.

State what you feel bothered by and how this is impacting your daughter.

Appeal to her in love and once she realises that you are on her side, she might have a change in perspective and at least be willing to listen to you.

Also, when she has an outburst, do make sure that you don’t react as much as you want to.

Go silent (practice it) and let her release her emotions. Sooner than later when she sees no reactions from you, she might calm down as well.

I realise it might be hard to deal with this at this very moment, but as you are reading this, I would also urge you to focus on the moments of peace with your daughter.

Surely when she smiles at you, you do feel great, right?

Households are not angry and non-angry; people choose to feel angry or happy.

Why not start to focus on why you and your wife married and how a beautiful daughter came through both of you and that your wife must be going through something right now and that you can be a huge support for her?

Create a beautiful life!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |152 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 07, 2023

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Relationship
I am married person, She is house wife. But she is fighting with me daily and always suicide blackmail and compare to others. What is the solution? My thought is i want to break up this female and find new life partner, is it correct?
Ans: I understand that you're going through an incredibly challenging and emotionally taxing situation. It's clear that you're feeling overwhelmed and at a loss for how to deal with your spouse's behavior. It's essential to approach this situation with care and empathy.

Safety First: If your spouse is making suicide threats, please take them seriously and prioritize her safety. Reach out to professionals or hotlines immediately to ensure she gets the help she needs.
Professional Help: Both you and your spouse should consider seeking the support of a licensed therapist or counselor. The issues you're facing are undoubtedly distressing, and a professional can guide you through the process of understanding and addressing them.
Communication: It's important to have open and compassionate conversations with your spouse. Express your concerns and listen to her feelings as well. Try to create an atmosphere of understanding and support.
Support Her Mental Health: Encourage your spouse to seek help from a mental health professional who can provide a proper evaluation and treatment plan. Mental health struggles can greatly affect a person's behavior and emotions.
Consider All Options: Ending a marriage is a significant decision that should not be made impulsively. Exhaust all available options for working through your issues before considering separation or divorce.
This is a difficult and painful time for both of you, and I encourage you to seek the guidance and support of professionals who specialize in relationship counseling and mental health. Remember that your well-being and the well-being of your spouse are of utmost importance, and compassionate communication and professional help can be instrumental in finding a resolution to these complex issues.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |770 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |152 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 41 year old married man with two sons and I make a decent living. Since few months my relationship with my wife has deteriorated significantly with no apparent reason other then finance. She is always trying to find a fault with me and as soon as she does, she just starts scolding me. I tried hard not to give her a reason to scold me, but that's making her even more frustrated as she creates even more drama when she finds a smallest of a fault which may not be necessarily mine but of my kids. She wont allow me to touch. She wont talk to me, she has this strange anger in her tone whenever she says few things to me. I am even taking her to a Foreign trip this march and we did quiet expensive trip last summer. I dont know what to do? I have tried to sit with her and talk. But no success
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your marriage. It sounds like you're trying hard to make things work, including taking your wife on trips to strengthen your relationship. It's positive that you've tried to sit and talk with her, even though it hasn't been successful so far.Communication is key in any relationship, so it's important to keep trying to have open and honest conversations with your wife. Perhaps you could suggest couples counseling as a way to facilitate these discussions in a more structured setting. A counselor could help both of you understand each other's perspectives and find constructive ways to address your issues. Going on trips is great, but also focus on spending quality time together in everyday life. Find activities you both enjoy and make time for each other. Ultimately, it will take effort from both you and your wife to improve your relationship. It may also be beneficial to explore the underlying reasons for the tension, such as financial stress, and work together to find solutions that address both of your needs and concerns.
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Moneywize   |82 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Mar 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2024Hindi
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What is comprehensive auto insurance policy? What are its benefits? What are the inclusions and non-inclusions if I want to know before buying a comprehensive auto insurance policy?
Ans: A comprehensive auto insurance policy in India offers the most extensive coverage for your car and any third-parties involved in an accident. It's like a two-wheeler for your car's security, providing protection for both your vehicle and your wallet.

Benefits of a Comprehensive Policy:

1. Peace of mind: Covers a wide range of situations, so you'll be financially protected in case of many unforeseen events.

2. Own Damage Cover: Pays for repairs or replacement of your car if it's damaged in an accident, by fire, theft, natural calamities, riots, or even falls victim to vandalism.

3. Third-Party Liability Cover: Takes care of any legal or financial liabilities you incur if your car causes injury, disability or death to a third party, or damages their property.

4. Personal Accident Cover (Optional): Provides financial assistance to you or your family in case of injury or death due to a car accident (depending on the policy terms).

What to Consider Before Buying:

Inclusions:

a. Most accidents (collision, hit and run)

b. Theft (partial or complete)

c. Fire damage

d. Natural disasters (floods, earthquakes, etc.)

e. Riots, strikes, and other man-made calamities

g. Third-party property damage and bodily injury

h. Personal accident cover (if opted for)

Non-inclusions:

a. Damages due to wear and tear

b. Driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs

c. Mechanical or electrical breakdown

d. Depreciation on parts replaced during repairs

e. Using the car for illegal purposes

Additional Tips:

1. Add-on Covers: Enhance your policy with optional extras like engine protection or zero depreciation cover for a more comprehensive safety net.

2. Compare Quotes: Get quotes from different insurance companies to find the best coverage and price for your needs.

Remember, a comprehensive policy offers superior protection compared to third-party only insurance, which is mandatory by law but only covers your liability towards third parties. For a secure ride on Indian roads, a comprehensive policy is the way to go.
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |248 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Mar 28, 2024

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Career
My daughter did her graduation in November 2023 from a top-ranked university in Canada - University of British Columbia, Vancouver (QS World Rank within 35). She is interested in a job in the fields of Artificial Intelligence and related software domains. She graduated with an interdisciplinary BSc in Cognitive Systems, including several courses from Computer Science, Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning, Neuroscience, etc.. Unfortunately, unlike in US universities, there's no Campus Placement facilities available in UBC and most Canadian universities. Please advise how to get into a job in this gloomy economic scenario, in Canada (USA is ruled out because OPT is not available for non-US university graduates).
Ans: Hello Indranil. Thanks for reaching out to us. Given your daughter's background in cognitive systems with coursework in computer science, Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning and Neuroscience from a prestigious institution like the University of British Columbia (UBC), she has a strong base for having a career in AI and related fields. Although no campus placement is challenging, there are ways to find a job while keeping in mind the gloomy economic condition.

1. Encourage your daughter to leverage her professional network, including alumni, professors, and industry contacts. Attending industry events, seminars, and meetups can provide valuable networking opportunities and help her connect with potential employers or mentors in the field of AI and software development.

2. An online presence, such as having an account on LinkedIn, is important. She can showcase her skills and achievements—both academic and extracurricular—so far, reach out to professionals,etc

For further assistance, you can get in touch with us
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