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R P Yadav  |52 Answers  |Ask -

HR, Workspace Expert - Answered on Mar 23, 2023

Pankaj Question by Pankaj on Mar 22, 2023

Career
Hi I am 45 and single. After my mother's sad demise i am bit depressed and i am not able to do the work and indulge myself in day to day activities. Kindly help
Ans: Dear Pankaj,
Losing parents is always very sad but this is the only truth which always prevails. One has to accept this and move on in life. You can engage yourself more with other family members, friends, relatives and colleagues which will help you to come out of the depression and concentrate more on your profession and work.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 20, 2021

Relationship
I don't know how to start but things are not good in my life. I lost my father 3 months back which still does not go out of my head. I met a girl recently and developed some sort of feelings for her but she is not at all interested in me which made me more sad as I feel as I am just not good enough. Due to my professional work I am not living with my family and their tensions extra. I have zero friends who talk regularly to me or ask about me. I have a thin body so people body shame me and it decreases my morale and confidence. Profession is also not going as good I thought due to relationship issues with my manager. Everything is making me more sad and lonely. Please give me something to cheer. Don't want to live life like this.. I am writing this with a heavy heart.
Ans: Dear HS, I am truly sorry for your loss; the passing away of a loved one is never easy on anyone.

Now let’s focus on what you might be bothered by. See, if you are going to depend on the external environment to increase your confidence or self-esteem, then you are setting yourself up for a rude disappointment.

Your state of mind is your choice which is the one that dictates how you perceive the environment around you.

If you wake every morning feeling sorry for yourself, do you think you are going to perform well at work?

Shying away from a social life just because you are body shamed pushes you back into an unfavorable state of mind where you shut away even a few ‘good’ people.

Why deprive yourself of the little joys just because some people measure you by how you look?

What do you get by giving into that drama that these people have created?

More agony, I presume! And then the loop goes on and on…

Do check a few inspiring videos on how people have overcome body shaming and take a leaf out of it and start living for who you are; people start respecting you when you respect yourself first.

Well, romantic feelings sometimes may not be reciprocated; but you feel sad because you already are in a self-pity mode; what if your mind space was stronger?

A rejection from a girl, would have still been fine and would have been easy to move on.

Sorry, I need to be honest and show you the mirror, rather than just cheer you up. Get up, stand tall, show up. Show Up, no matter what!

Respect yourself for who you are…you are your best Ally…Now, I want you to dust yourself off of all the feelings that are not useful and Show Up and Take Charge…watch how things change…

Best wishes and simply Show Up…You can do this…

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 01, 2021

Relationship
I'm married and mother to a 5 months old beautiful daughter. Before and after marriage I was working in a company as HR executive. I loved my job. Then I left my job because me and my husband was working in different locations. When I shifted with him, I tried a lot to get a job. But all in vain. Maybe because of this I started getting frustrated. It affected my personal life a lot. I used to blame my husband as he never ever told me to quit. But somehow...... Then we shifted to our home town because of lockdown and my husband's WFH. And my frustration level is increasing day by day. I lost everything. How to enjoy, happiness everything. I want to be happy but.... It's like I can't do anything for my daughter as well as for myself. I hate dependency and I am totally dependent on my husband even for a single penny. I tried to commit suicide many times. Then I thought I should talk to my mother. I did. But nothing helped. She used to tell me always that I have to live for the child now. Then I thought what I could do for her. Because if I m alone, sad, depressed from inside how can I be happy outside? I used to motivate people and right now I want to end up my life. Can you help please?
Ans: Dear TS, What do you want for yourself? What do you want to make out of life?

You can choose to be sad and depressed and keep thinking of what hasn’t happened. Always do things that set you free, always think of things that set you free.

The more you choose to focus on what could have happened and what should happen, it leads you to a dark place.

Why think that you are dependent? Marriage is a space where both partners must have the comfort of growing together.

Let’s say someday if you have to step up and work instead of your husband, will you call your husband a dependent person then?

We all go through phases in life that challenge our mind and mental state. The sooner you accept this, the better you will sail through this.

After all, nothing is permanent. Instead of brooding over, if you gave yourself a fresh start and looked at opportunities in a different way, you may find something that is better than what you had initially been searching for.

And if ending your life, you think makes it easier, remember, it never has and it never will and DO think of your daughter who is solely dependent on you.

Please work with a Mental Health expert who will help put your priorities together and a good action plan as well to achieve simple goals in life.

Start first by being outdoors in Nature and please be in GRATITUDE for what you have in life. That will make you trust that LIFE IS GOOD! Surround yourself with people that nourish you.

Be in the best mind space. Best wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2023
Relationship
I am 42 year old married woman. I was attached to my father very much. I lost him suddenly in 2021 by covid. He was fit and fine. I never thought he could left us like this. I feel very lonely , empty & completely of no desire for anything in life. I feel guilty and bad that the way my father struggled alone in ICU ward in his final days & we could not do anything for him. No one could met him & even saw him. I could not hugged him & even touched his body to say to goodbye in crematorium. Life got completely changed for me now. I am doing a job in which I working for very long time but not getting noticed or promoted so I feel sidelined by my seniors. I feel no use to work there or even anywhere now. I feel mentally I am tired to handle any pressure now. I am thinking to quit it to get some mental peace but not sure what I will do in free time. I have few marriage issues also & don't have any kids. I want to spend time alone & not even with my husband. Now I just want to live my life peacefully & happily without expecting anything from anyone. Tell me if I am correct or need to improve my way of thinking.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly very sorry for your loss. It might have been very difficult at not having that closure right at the end to process your loss your way. I can only imagine what you must be going through even now.

This heavy heartedness has most likely caused you to lose interest in many things in life including your work life. Even things that were simple to handle might have become too much to deal with. You need to heal by grieving and slowly going into acceptance. Is this hard? Oh yes, but with the help of someone who specializes in grief counselling and therapy, you can heal through this. This doesn't mean that you have to forget your father; it only means you process what has happened to transition into a better mind space. This will help you get a grip over your life for what it is now and like all of us, you deserve to be happy and at peace. Do consider this option and see an expert; it will really help you...

All the best and do know that this too shall Pass!
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2023
Relationship
I am a 45 years old Indian living in the US for the past 10 years with the family. Despite having a steady job and a pay which typically is considered high, I end up spending more than my income. My wife also works full time with good pay as well but she thinks it's my responsibility to provide and she just saves all her money in her own accounts. We have multiple properties on both our names including cars but only I pay. I pay for groceries, bills, travel everything. On discussing about the expenses, which I have done multiple times so far, she says I should be ashamed to expect money from a woman. If this continues, I will reach retirement age kind of broke I feel. Also, I will spend sleepless nights thinking about finances until then. Please advice.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Like in any partnership, marriage is one such partnership where everything is usually shared. But I do know of couples, where they mutually agree that one partner takes care of the bills and the other education etc.
In your case, your wife has been saving up and you have been bleeding dry of your finances.
But why exactly are you spending more than your income? Financial mismanagement? Maybe that's why your wife is worried that it might happen to her portion of the income too?
Having said that, I guess your wife also needs to move past the belief that the Man is solely responsible for bringing money home. By that logic, she should never have worked, right?

Since she is working as well, she can contribute towards the family to the extent it can help but it is also imperative that as a woman she keeps some finances saved as a back-up for herself. It provides a good safety blanket for a woman since she possibly feels that you are spending more than what you earn.
It's up to you to bring about the subject without her feeling that you are out to spend all her money. So, you really need to start with managing your finances better...I am sure things will get better from thereon...

All the best!
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

Relationship
Hi Anu, I hope you're doing well. I'm a 24 year old girl working as a software engineer. I was in love with a boy in long distance relationship and I met him only once. We both had great understanding, respect on each other. It was all good between us. On February 2023, he called me one day saying that he wants to tell his parents about our love matter. I said okay and asked him what he wanted to do if his family disagrees. He said that he'll wait until his family approves. I was okay with it and he informed to his family. But things started changing after he talked with his family. He wanted to break up with me. I told him many times that I wanted to be with him and don't want to break up. But, he didn't agree. Eventually, we stopped talking with each other. It was hard for me to move on but after few months, i finally decided to move on with my life. Then suddenly he messaged me saying that he wants to get back with me. I didn't agreed as I lost my trust on him. He even informed his family about getting back with me and they were okay with it. He wants to marry me. But, now the problem is I still like him, but I lost trust in him. I wanted to give him a chance but I'm afraid because of past break up with him. I'm confused about what should I do? Anu, can you please suggest me about giving him a chance or moving on with my life?
Ans: Dear Mahi,
Thank you for asking. I am doing well and trust that you too will be in the same space as well.
When what he has done has broken your trust, it is difficult to get it back... he has come back, but you are perhaps thinking: what if he pulls the same stunt again? And this makes you question every move of his...

If you look at it from his point of view, he possibly also loves you but his family pressures are getting to him and he can do only that much. Yes, it would have been more 'human' to talk to you about what had happened after he spoke with his family. But he chose not to and that lack of transparency is what has thrown you off...perhaps, he isn't all that mature emotionally or feels that he might lose you if he shares anything.

Whatever it is, your loss of trust on him is justified after the way he had behaved. If the two of you still want to give your relationship a chance, kindly do so...and clearly state to him that you have lost trust on him. Not only does he have explaining to do but he must reassure you that he will be honest with you in future. Also, give some time before committing to a marriage while you watch whether he has changed and he is consistent with what he has committed to changing. Only when you are sure, take a decision either way!

All the best!
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |458 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 03, 2023

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