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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 11, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Sachin Question by Sachin on Feb 28, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hello, I am 45 yrs old, divorced , in love with 29 yrs old girl. We deeply are in love with each other, however Girl’s Parents are not agreeing to our marriage, citing age gap. It’s been 2.5 yrs, have met her Parents many times at their home. Her Parents consider me as a nice guy , but the age gap factor is not letting them to approve our relationship. Am seriously stressed and want to wary that girl only. Request you to kindly suggest 🙏

Ans: It can be challenging when families do not approve of a relationship due to age differences or other factors. However, it's important to remember that ultimately, the decision to enter into a relationship and get married is a personal one that should be based on the feelings and desires of the two people involved.

It's important to continue to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend and her parents about your feelings and intentions. Try to listen to their concerns and address them in a respectful and thoughtful way. It may also be helpful to enlist the support of a neutral third party, such as a family counselor or mediator, who can help facilitate a productive conversation between you and your girlfriend's parents.

However, it's also important to recognize that ultimately, you cannot control the decisions of others. If your girlfriend's parents continue to disapprove of the relationship, it may be necessary to consider whether the relationship is sustainable in the long term. It's important to consider not only your feelings for each other, but also the practical realities of your situation and whether you can build a fulfilling and happy life together despite any external challenges.

Ultimately, it's up to you and your girlfriend to decide what is best for your relationship and your future. It may be helpful to continue to work on building a strong foundation of trust, communication, and mutual support, regardless of the outcome with her parents.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a girl from my office for nearly 1.5 years now. We both speak Marathi only sub caste is different.At start of our relationship we discussed about it as she tells me her parents will not support her, so I convinced her that I will support her in every way possible to convince her parent and will stand with her though every situation. I am 31 years old and she is 27. Her parents told her that she has 2 years for marriage so she is currently focusing on career right now.My parents are forcing me for marriage. As her family has issues with my subcaste and she is not willing to disclose our relationship for another 2 years. So I told her that I will wait for 1 year then we can disclose our relationship to both families mines and her, if your family agrees we can wait for one more year so that she can focus on career and she can get 2 years as per her parents. Moreover I will always support her in career and family issues. But still she is not ready she told me that she will not tell her family about our relationship until 2 years are complete. Can you please suggest me any solution for this?
Ans:

Dear TG,

At this point, what is missing for you possibly is if after the wait, if she will still be there in the relationship?

If she isn’t willing to complicate her family life at this point in time, I guess she has valid reasons for that which must be respected.

But what If the two of you sit down where you can put down your feelings and find an amicable way of easing this.

I am sure there are a lot of ifs and buts that is making you feel the way that you are. It is only imperative that you called out to her and be firm and assertive as to how this might be playing in your mind.

For all you know, once she hears your side of the story and she shares hers, solutions emerge from that especially when the commitment is strong.

So, have that one meaningful conversation where feelings, fears and insecurities are shared and watch how the two of you will come up with something wonderful as a solution.

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |168 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Am 54+ and I am in Love with a Women who is 31 years Younger Than me but, we haven't expressed yet that we love each of us she calls me as Kaka i had helped her during her bad times in 2021 after she had got Covid-19 and her parents don't wanted her to be with her as she approached me and told me to keep her with me for the time being till the situation gets normal after discussion how can I as am married single and alone and my daughter living with my in-laws to accomplish her studies in the mean time the girl have'nt disclosed the age but now when I asked about her age then only she told the age. Now what to do I really love her but am afraid (because of unknown of her age she was Looked like Minor in her behavioral nature) of how to convince that I Love her since last 2 years. We get together in City only for Cafeterias Long Drives and also Am taking the class how to Ride Bike (Scooty). Am her Pillon on Back to control I feel As if am with my Wife as she ( of her Pure and Innocent Soul) is no more since she met with an Fatal Car Accident in 2013. What ot do I don't want to Loose her and also Can't Leave without Her. I Also Insisted her to introduce to Her Parents but she says no. And want to clear that we are not in Physical Relationship only pure Soulful relationship. Pl. Reply GURU
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

From your question, I am assuming that she isn't showing the same interest in you. That makes my advice very simple- please leave her alone. You might feel a hundred things about her, but she might not feel the same way. You have every right to love and be loved, but not with this person whom you think might be too young for you. And even if she reciprocates it someday, I would like for you to understand that she doesn't have the emotional maturity of a full-grown adult. Find someone your age, with your maturity level. Let her be; she has her entire life ahead of her and your feelings will do her no good.

There are plenty of women looking for a genuine relationship. It will certainly be best for both of you if you consider dating those women who can give you the right kind of company and emotional support.

Best Wishes.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |794 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2024

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Hi. I am 47 year old widower and since last one year I am in love with 20 year old girl. We both are from different states, culture and even our eating habits are. She loves my caring nature and I supported her financially without expecting anything (physical relation). Now we both are serious about marriage. Her parents were initially raised concern about age difference but finally they are agree. But I am bit confused if this much big gap in age will harm our married life. She may realise it after some years. Major problem I see in future when we will think about having child..i am confused.. please advice
Ans: Dear Shailesh,
Yes, the age gap might most likely bother her in a few years when she sees you growing older when she finds a lot of younger men around.
You did mention that her parents are concerned about this alliance BUT what about the girl? What does she think of marriage with you? Since she is young, has she had the time to process if the care that you were showering her with is not actually what she has missed from her parents especially her father? You need to be very careful of this one because she could be projecting her lack of love from her parents onto you and then seek it from you!
And you are right to be concerned about children as well...when you are 60 and wanting to slow down, you might still need to push yourself till the child is at least 20...Do the Math...
Do make the girl aware of these concerns that you have and let her decide for herself independently...You will agree that you cannot become a caring figure in her life rather than a husband.

All the best!
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I am student in 1st year of be cse(ai). I belong to tier3 college. I am confused between either i do preperation for internship or i do preparation for masters. Please advise me or suggest me some tips for both.
Ans: Thank you for contacting me. Deciding between pursuing an internship and preparing for a master's degree depends on your individual goals, career aspirations, and current circumstances. An internship provides hands-on experience in a professional setting, allowing you to apply theoretical knowledge to real-world problems, whereas, getting a master’s degree from a top college can open up new career opportunities, increase your earning potential, and position you for leadership roles in the future.

Internships allow you to explore different industries, roles, and career paths, helping you clarify your career interests, whereas, getting a master's degree can enhance your professional qualifications, increase your marketability, and improve your prospects for career advancement.

Please remember, regardless of whether you choose internships or further studies, try to focus on building your technical skills, particularly in areas relevant to your field of study. Take advantage of opportunities to learn programming languages, algorithms, machine learning, and other AI-related topics through coursework, online tutorials, workshops, and projects.

I would recommend you manage both. Consider factors such as your career aspirations, academic interests, financial situation, and time frame, and choose the option that aligns best with your long-term objectives. If you have any specific questions or need further advice, feel free to ask me on Rediff Gurus.
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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |17 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach and Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 05, 2024Hindi
Career
Hi , I wish to “Write in English” as a Profession , as that happens to be one of my core competency . It gives me a lot of soulful satisfaction & propels me to continue writing further . My Drafting & command over English Writing has been my primary strength right from my schooling days but I committed the mistake of not choosing it as a career . Hence , Post doing my B.E. & M.B.A. , I worked in decent Corporates for 16 Years but went on to quit the last Job in 2021 as I felt stagnant & monotonous doing what I was into . I was immensely appreciated for my e-mail drafts & Write-ups in all the Organisations I worked in but that had no weightage in my KRA . I did pretty well in my professional career with the exception of the last couple of months wherein I felt a bit lost & as a result , was not enjoying my work . I am into my 44th Year & now convinced to follow my dream professionally ( i.e Writing & penning down what comes my way) but am somewhat clueless how to move ahead . I am not there for the in-vogue content writing stuffs , online blogs etc. but want to write on something substantial or small interesting / soothing write-ups that interests a major chunk of the readers . Kindly help me with all the specific / possible options wherein I can directly target , that would probably yield me results ASAP . Please give detailed info with the probable sources to explore-in , as generic one-liners may not help , as I am blank on whom to approach . Looking forward to your much value added counselling & the probable avenues that may break the ice for me . Thanks & Regards !!! Pls. Keep up with the Good-Work you guys are doing with this Q&A Consultancy Guided Section .
Ans: HI!!
The way you have stated your needs so clearly shows that you have good writing skills, so no doubts about your writing skills.

In the message you mentioned that you quit your job in 2021 and yet you say you are not enjoying work since the last couple of months. A little confusion there for me, I am assuming you are still working. You also mention that you did pretty well professionally, this shows a mind that can work well even when it not totally into the work heart and soul. Try to find positive reasons around your work.
You are 44 you said, at this age we all are at loggerheads with what we studied, what we are doing for a living and what we are passionate about! I have been there..

I need to say a little about myself in order to answer your question. I am an Engineer too, today I am Image Consultant and a Soft Skills Trainer. I used to work with one of the top telecom companies, my Mentor there used to say an Engineer can do anything and me and you are proving that. You are a BE, MBA and you have exceptional writing skills.

As a public speaking skills coach I used to write speeches for clients and help them deliver with panache. One of my long standing clients said no to the classes after I increased the fees. Where did she get her strength from to say no?....AI and Chatgpt, even though she always said it doesn't have the AD (Archana Deshpande) effect!! Why I am mentioning such a personal incident is to help you understand the scenario today.
You want to write good stuff and earn money too, rt? You don't want that typical content writer kind of jobs... so what I suggest is that since a BE MBA is a deadly combo and you are an intelligent man, pls continue to use these to earn money. I want you to google, "platforms for writers to make money" and check all your options, for sometime write and publish on various platforms, send it to various newspapers, see how people respond to you. I know your joy comes from writing so go for it on a day to day basis, schedule it everyday. When you continue to do tasks that bring you joy, your doing all the things that are compulsory becomes easy( like going to office). Test the waters before you quit your well paying job( and yourself mentioned you are doing pretty well). Plan to write a book on a subject that comes easily to you or a book of short stories around your experiences. Today Mrs Sudha Murthy is a celebrated writer, look at her journey as writer, it didn't happen overnight. There is no ASAP here. You want to become a writer professionally, take it slow, start writing, start publishing you work, gauge the readers reaction, keep writing, keep reinventing, it's a creative process, let it flow through you without the stress of earning money through it.... it's joy for you to write, let it remain so!! Create a beautiful space at home to allow the creative juices to flow, continue to write everyday. Apart form writing, check what else brings you joy, on a day to day basis consciously spend time doing things that bring you joy. Enthusiasm/energy for life comes from your joy list. I am listing so many things because you mentioned you are not enjoying your job. I want you to arrive at a place where you enjoy your job( it pays your bills and takes care of your family) and continue to work on stuff you are passionate about. It can be done by living a little consciously and joyously, a little shift in the mindset can do wonders!!
All the very best!!
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