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Kanchan Rai |187 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 02, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 01, 2023Hindi

I am asking regarding my younger brother who is 30 YO.I see him frequently complain about our one particular female neighbour and her family who are basically tenants in one of the rented apartment in front of our house.Due to close proximity to our house,its not difficult to overhear if they talk with others standing on their balcony or turn TV or music deck sound high in their home.Few years back, somehow my brother who lives upstairs witnessed that neighbour lady mimicking my mother by copying her dialogue of how my mom stopped my brother to go out to work during COVID 19 pandemic.He says he saw her mimicking my mom in front of another neighbour lady who lives adjacent to our home with whom we used to share very good terms when their kids were school going but many years back that neighbour lady stopped interactions with my mom.It was weird because that neighbour aunty's kids used to come to our home for studying from my mom and dad who were doing free tutitions just to help neighbours kids. The issue is my brother is so much affected by that front house neighbour lady that he keeps a tab on them most of the time and keeps telling my mother how that lady mimicked her which mom asks him to stop repeating.I feel he also overheard her comments regarding him which were something like "he lives alone upstairs" etc.My brother is always telling about that neighbour lady and how she is not good and how she keeps passing comments etc.We also suspect them to be throwing stuff in our balcony frequently which contains toffees wrappers,mobile wire etc junk. My main concern is my brother who is always showing anger and displeasure to have that neighbour lady.I saw him many times looking at her home from our balcony and then he shares with mother which she dont like to hear all the time.I feel my brother is not at peace ve ause of his dislike towards our front house neighbour lady. Can you suggest regarding this situation with my brother and how we can address it?

Ans: It's understandable that your brother's feelings and concerns about the neighbor have been affecting him negatively. It's important to address the situation in a way that promotes a healthier and more peaceful environment for him. Here are some suggestions on how to handle this situation:

Encourage Open Communication: Talk to your brother openly about his feelings and frustrations regarding the neighbor. Encourage him to express his emotions and concerns without judgment. Sometimes, just having someone listen to his feelings can be very helpful.
Suggest Avoiding Confrontation: Advise your brother not to confront the neighbor directly about his feelings or suspicions. Engaging in conflicts might escalate the situation and lead to further stress and tension.
Distract from Negative Thoughts: Help your brother find activities or hobbies that can distract him from dwelling on negative thoughts about the neighbor. Engaging in positive and enjoyable activities can help shift his focus away from the situation.
Encourage Positive Interactions: Encourage your brother to interact with other neighbors or friends who have a more positive impact on his life. This way, he can build positive relationships and not be solely fixated on the negative one.
Suggest Seeking Professional Help: If your brother's feelings and thoughts about the neighbor are significantly affecting his mental well-being and day-to-day life, it might be beneficial for him to talk to a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and support to help him cope with these feelings in a healthier way.
Set Boundaries with Your Brother: It's essential for your family to establish boundaries with your brother regarding how much he talks about the neighbor. If your mother is uncomfortable hearing about it constantly, kindly ask him to share his feelings with a close friend or a professional if needed.
Encourage Empathy: Try to foster empathy in your brother by encouraging him to see things from the neighbor's perspective. Perhaps the neighbor may have her own struggles or issues that could explain her behavior. While this doesn't excuse any negative actions, understanding can help reduce his anger and frustration.
Promote Self-Care: Encourage your brother to engage in self-care practices, such as exercise, mindfulness, or relaxation techniques. Taking care of his mental and emotional well-being is essential during challenging times.
Mediation: If tensions between your family and the neighbors continue to rise, consider involving a mediator or authority figure, like a community leader, to help address any conflicts and find a resolution.
Remember, it's essential to address your brother's concerns and emotions while promoting a peaceful and respectful resolution to the situation. Being proactive in finding positive ways to cope with his feelings can lead to a more harmonious living environment for everyone involved.