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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 02, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 01, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I am asking regarding my younger brother who is 30 YO.I see him frequently complain about our one particular female neighbour and her family who are basically tenants in one of the rented apartment in front of our house.Due to close proximity to our house,its not difficult to overhear if they talk with others standing on their balcony or turn TV or music deck sound high in their home.Few years back, somehow my brother who lives upstairs witnessed that neighbour lady mimicking my mother by copying her dialogue of how my mom stopped my brother to go out to work during COVID 19 pandemic.He says he saw her mimicking my mom in front of another neighbour lady who lives adjacent to our home with whom we used to share very good terms when their kids were school going but many years back that neighbour lady stopped interactions with my mom.It was weird because that neighbour aunty's kids used to come to our home for studying from my mom and dad who were doing free tutitions just to help neighbours kids. The issue is my brother is so much affected by that front house neighbour lady that he keeps a tab on them most of the time and keeps telling my mother how that lady mimicked her which mom asks him to stop repeating.I feel he also overheard her comments regarding him which were something like "he lives alone upstairs" etc.My brother is always telling about that neighbour lady and how she is not good and how she keeps passing comments etc.We also suspect them to be throwing stuff in our balcony frequently which contains toffees wrappers,mobile wire etc junk. My main concern is my brother who is always showing anger and displeasure to have that neighbour lady.I saw him many times looking at her home from our balcony and then he shares with mother which she dont like to hear all the time.I feel my brother is not at peace ve ause of his dislike towards our front house neighbour lady. Can you suggest regarding this situation with my brother and how we can address it?

Ans: It's understandable that your brother's feelings and concerns about the neighbor have been affecting him negatively. It's important to address the situation in a way that promotes a healthier and more peaceful environment for him. Here are some suggestions on how to handle this situation:

Encourage Open Communication: Talk to your brother openly about his feelings and frustrations regarding the neighbor. Encourage him to express his emotions and concerns without judgment. Sometimes, just having someone listen to his feelings can be very helpful.
Suggest Avoiding Confrontation: Advise your brother not to confront the neighbor directly about his feelings or suspicions. Engaging in conflicts might escalate the situation and lead to further stress and tension.
Distract from Negative Thoughts: Help your brother find activities or hobbies that can distract him from dwelling on negative thoughts about the neighbor. Engaging in positive and enjoyable activities can help shift his focus away from the situation.
Encourage Positive Interactions: Encourage your brother to interact with other neighbors or friends who have a more positive impact on his life. This way, he can build positive relationships and not be solely fixated on the negative one.
Suggest Seeking Professional Help: If your brother's feelings and thoughts about the neighbor are significantly affecting his mental well-being and day-to-day life, it might be beneficial for him to talk to a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and support to help him cope with these feelings in a healthier way.
Set Boundaries with Your Brother: It's essential for your family to establish boundaries with your brother regarding how much he talks about the neighbor. If your mother is uncomfortable hearing about it constantly, kindly ask him to share his feelings with a close friend or a professional if needed.
Encourage Empathy: Try to foster empathy in your brother by encouraging him to see things from the neighbor's perspective. Perhaps the neighbor may have her own struggles or issues that could explain her behavior. While this doesn't excuse any negative actions, understanding can help reduce his anger and frustration.
Promote Self-Care: Encourage your brother to engage in self-care practices, such as exercise, mindfulness, or relaxation techniques. Taking care of his mental and emotional well-being is essential during challenging times.
Mediation: If tensions between your family and the neighbors continue to rise, consider involving a mediator or authority figure, like a community leader, to help address any conflicts and find a resolution.
Remember, it's essential to address your brother's concerns and emotions while promoting a peaceful and respectful resolution to the situation. Being proactive in finding positive ways to cope with his feelings can lead to a more harmonious living environment for everyone involved.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |581 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 01, 2024

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we had joint family almost 10 years back, we are two brothers ,mother ,father and 2 children to both brothers, I am elder brother, Problem started almost 5 years , My brother lost his temper and started heated argument and violence in family although he is introvert and hold negative thought since long back ,all family members tried to convince him to keep him positive but issue increased day by day reached to a level when father decided my family to protect and advise us to move out of joint family. afterwards also situation remains the same their and ultimately my parents also moved out of the house. We never had any communication around 2 years , but afterwards father had some critical health issue related to kidney and we informed them, Communication started with them again but father expired and again we have seen their violent face during rituals. We understand he having serious psychiatric issue but non of their family like his wife , Son is cooperating us for medication without his consensus as my brother never thought that he having any issue. I am very much worried that some day something wrong can happen as he is keeping very pity issues in mind and ready to fight always. He relation and neighbor's also he did the same and now no one is in talking terms with him.Please suggest how to handle ,is their any agency who can help us in sorting this issue. dont want to go in legal.
Ans: Hello Manish,
mental health issues can be complex, and professional guidance is crucial. Consult with mental health professionals to create a plan tailored to your family's specific situation. It's important to prioritize the safety and well-being of your family. If your brother's behavior becomes threatening or harmful, it may be necessary to maintain physical and emotional distance while encouraging him to seek help. Look for support groups or organizations that specialize in helping families dealing with mental health issues. They can provide guidance, resources, and a network of people who have faced similar challenges. Consider arranging a family intervention, facilitated by a mental health professional, where you can express your concerns about your brother's behavior and encourage him to seek help. It's important to approach this with empathy and understanding. while you mentioned that you don't want to go the legal route, in extreme cases, you may need to consider legal options like obtaining a court order for involuntary psychiatric evaluation. This should be considered as a last resort and only if your brother poses a serious threat to himself or others.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1595 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 04, 2025
Relationship
I have a cousin brother (21 years). He is 5 years elder than me. His father & my father are own brothers. His father is also 5 years elder than my father. I am concerned about something. My cousin brother always orders my mother (40 years old) for such things who nobody wants to do. She obeys him always quietly without any hesitation. Like if he ask her to bath twice or thrice in a day, then she will bath thrice in a day. If he ask her to dance, then she will dance also. If he ask her to press his legs, then she will press his legs. If he ask her to not to eat anything, then she will not eat anything. She is totally behaving like his slave. I told about it to my father. He ignored my words & called it rubbish. I asked my mother why she is behaving like this, but she doesn't answer. I asked my cousin brother why is he doing like this & why is my mother obeying his words, he said it's none of my business. Can you please help & tell what's going on ??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is kind of strange to see your mother act like this around him. This is definitely not something usual or causal and there is something deeper than what you can see or understand.
Does you father and his brother also notice the same or are they pretending to not notice it? This could give you a good understanding of what is going on. If your father is ignoring it, then kindly ask him to take some time out and explain this to you. On your part, spend more time with your mother; take her out, shop together, show her some fun time...encourage her to pursue some hobby or educational learning classes outside of home. When she starts to feel good about herself and does things for herself, she might be able to stand up for herself and push this fellow away.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |353 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2025
Career
Sir I am feeling very uncertain about my career, i am very much interested in medical field, i gave my HS in 2024, this is my 1st drop for neet, i tried a lot but due to family issues and negativity i couldnot do well, neet is jst after 5days , but my syllabus not yet done, mock test are not good, but still i want to pursue medical field ans study in a government medical college, i know where my preparation was lagging{my class 11 12 were weak, those who taught me they all jst told m,e "u cant do anything " and leave and never used to teach properly but i did everything by my own , and then took drop but i how to prepare in a coaching class i didnt know all network isuues for almost 6months ,but i keep on doing and now i am standing in a uncertain phase where i still want to become a doctor, i dont have anproblem in studying those again but the problem is what others will say , its like a fear, as even though my parents enrolled in a coaching online previous year but they also sometimes used to say that i should have also enrolled i a college, its a fear, so my question is this path really for me? should i take a partial drop and go for neet 2026 too, {dob: 14/10/2005}.....i feel like hopeless , but still want to follow my dreams, is this possible?
Ans: Hi,

Before I address your query, please avoid mentioning your date of birth on social media; it's not necessary at this point. However, I noticed that some other details are missing.

In addition to the educational concerns, it seems like you may have a bit of a psychological issue in that you tend to worry excessively about others. This mentality is quite common in our country. Prior to the NEET exam, entry into the medical field, specifically for MBBS and BDS, was mainly reserved for aspirants with high marks. Additionally, those with significant wealth could gain admission through management quotas or at times via NRI quotas. However, the situation has changed completely after the introduction of NEET.

As you know, the major advantage of NEET is that the marks aspirants score in their HSC examinations are now less relevant. Candidates from any part of the country, of any category or state, and even those taking the exam for a second time can attempt NEET, regardless of their HSC performance. If aspirants have talent, they can succeed in NEET, which provides a standardized syllabus across the nation. So, even if you are currently struggling with your HSC studies, you can still perform well on the NEET.

Apart from percentile scores, various factors will influence admission, including community status, creamy or non-creamy layer, physical challenges, and more.

Therefore, NEET is the best solution for aspirants, and you can take the exam as many times as you need.

There are no barriers to preparing for the exam, so please go ahead.

You mentioned that you feel weak in the subject and have difficulty concentrating. I suggest starting yoga and meditation. By practicing these, you'll be able to relieve stress and work towards achieving your goals.

Regarding your desire to enter the medical field (I believe you want to become a doctor), is that correct?

If so, in addition to MBBS, there are other medical courses known as Indian Medicine, including BAMS, BHMS, BSMS, and BNYS. If you find MBBS challenging, consider focusing on these options as well. Many people have started to embrace Indian medicine after the COVID pandemic, so it’s not a problem at all.

Prepare for NEET 2025, analyze your situation, and send your details to the Rediffguru. We can discuss this further.

Wishing you all the best!
POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1197 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Apr 28, 2025

Money
We are a Private Limited Company with an employee strength of 60, and we strictly follow all PF rules. As per the applicable salary criteria, we contribute to the Provident Fund wherever required. Recently, we discovered that an employee who joined our company two years ago has an existing UAN linked to their Aadhaar. However, at the time of joining, the employee declared in Form 11 that they did not have a PF account. Based on this declaration, we did not contribute to their PF account. Now, the employee states that they were unaware of their PF account, and the UAN linked to their Aadhaar is currently inactive. Furthermore, they do not wish to activate their PF account. Given this situation, should we present Form 11 as valid proof for non-contribution, or are there any corrective actions required to comply with PF regulations? Kindly guide us on the appropriate steps to take in this matter.
Ans: Hello;

If the organisation is such that EPFO laws are applicable and if employee 's salary is as per the threshold given by EPFO (15 K basic +DA) then you don't have an option to avoid EPF.

The EPFO commissioner may issue your organisation a show cause notice as to why the form-11 submitted by the employee was not scrutinized thoroughly when it was submitted.

You may furnish joint declaration in the prescribed format to correct the mistake in form 11 and deposit all employer employee contributions till date with penalty as decided by the EPF Commissioner.

Actually such willful suppression of facts by the employee, which bring the employer into legal issues, deserves termination.

Seek advice from a lawyer specializing in labour and EPF laws, if required.

Best wishes;

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