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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 18, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My wife has started an affair with her boss who is also my childhood best friends husband. Now both of them claim that it's friendship and nothing else but I have some messages which tell a different stories. My best friend and me tried to confront both but they deny any advancements and try to compare their friendship to ours. I am confused on what to do?? My best friend is telling me to take thing aggressively which might end in our divorce. I have a 12 yr boy whose future I don't want to be in trouble what is the best way forward

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you have tried to confront your wife and it has not shown any fruitful result. I am truly sorry that you have to face this; infidelity is not an easy subject to deal with. Here is what I am advising- since you are not being able to handle this yourself, which is understandable, consider seeking professional help. Marriage counseling can do wonders. The messages that triggered the suspicion in your mind can have a different side too. Just a theory. It is possible that your partner is oblivious to the fact that certain exchanges are not deemed friendly by most people. A professional counselor can help put things into perspective for both you and your wife. You will have clarity and it will also help you sort your feelings in a more structured way.

But if you do not want to go that route, I suggest you gather more evidence that makes your case stronger. Keep them safe and show them only when you are emotionally stable. Let her know that if it doesn't stop, you will have to bring the matter to light for both your families, and might take further steps.

It is commendable that you are so focused on your child's well-being. Keep reassuring him that regardless of what happens between you and his mother, both of you love him the same and he is not to blame for any of the hardships that you are facing in your marriage. Children tend to blame themselves for their parent's marital problems. And once again, I urge you to see a counselor; if not for yourself, do it for your child.

Best Wishes!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |183 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 26, 2023

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Relationship
Dear Mam, I am a 46 year old married man for last 15 years. My wife is 39 year old ... We had an arranged marriage. The marriage all along appeared very happy, so to me. We had a very happy married life.. Our elder child is 13 years. ..... We have another who is 6 year .. ..... Around 8 years back my wife was regularly chatting with her old friend and he was openly flirting... I asked my wife to be careful and stop it.. Which she promised..... ... But she never did, she used to delete the chats and occasionally drop his name... I thought she is a wife, a mother and trusted her.... Last year i came to know that she was meeting him too.. I confronted her... and she gave excuses that it was just few... And she only sat in his Car and took some rides, never got down, never went with him anywhere... Never went to any place, apartment or hotel.. and she insisted it was just few and very recent. ... I checked and found she has met him earlier too.. I checked and found she had paused her google timeline off and on.. She had his contact as hidden in Hangouts, and had exchanged some photographs of hers with my Son to him.. She used to gift him on his birthday........ She was regularly chatting and delteting the messages on all forums with him... On again confronting, she admitted that this all started in 2016...and these are the only visits... She claiming she was afraid so didnt tell all initially.. She says she has met him, but never comitted Adultery... She saying she is remorseful, did a very big blunder and trying all hard to win back my trust... But its very hard to believe and trust...the reason 1) She did not disclose everything to me on first time of confronting...she disclosed only recent visits 2) On being asked to cut off all contacts..she told me she has asked her friend not to contact her thru any mode, but she did not delete him/block him from WhatsApp, Facebook, Truecaller, Mobile contact list..this i had to do. 3) Third she admitted she liked Going out wit him.......4) She so silently used to chat with him even when i was around all these years that i did not suspect....We both are working.. ..please Suggest ..... Hope my identity will not be Disclosed
Ans: Discovering that your wife is talking and meeting with a friend and hiding it from you can be a challenging and stressful situation. If you feel that the friend is flirting with your wife, it can further complicate things and cause feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and mistrust. However, it is essential to approach the situation calmly and objectively and take steps to address the issue.

The first thing to do is to communicate openly and honestly with your wife. Express your concerns and feelings and ask her to explain her relationship with the friend. Listen carefully to her side of the story and try to understand her perspective. It may be that there is a reasonable explanation for their interactions, such as a long-standing friendship or a professional relationship.

However, if you still feel uncomfortable with their interactions and suspect that there may be something more going on, it is essential to address the issue directly. Let your wife know how their interactions make you feel and explain why you feel uncomfortable with their friendship. It is essential to avoid accusing your wife of anything and instead focus on your own feelings and concerns.

It is also important to consider your own behavior in the relationship. Are you feeling jealous or insecure due to your own issues, or is there a valid reason for your concerns? Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and assess the situation objectively.

If you feel that the friend is indeed flirting with your wife, it may be necessary to set some boundaries. Let your wife know what behavior is unacceptable and make it clear that you expect her to respect your feelings and the boundaries you have set.

In some cases, seeking the help of a professional counselor or therapist may be beneficial. A therapist can help you both work through your feelings and emotions and develop a plan to move forward in a healthy and positive way.

It is essential to approach the situation with patience, understanding, and open communication to ensure that you can navigate this difficult time and move forward in a positive direction.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I been married for 15 years now. From last 4-5 years, my wife has been getting involved with Random men(Friend circle, internet friends etc). In few times I found out and she promised that she will stop. But In last couple of years, she been deeply involved with a man who is a friend of her. Her friends have been encouraging and helping her to meet him. She keeps giving vague excuses to go out , when i know she is going to meet her. We had multiple discussions and arguments regarding his involvement, but she keep saying she only talks to him as a friend. Her phone is locked, so i cant see the messages between them. But I secretly recorded a few of the conversations she is having with him when I am away at work. I was shocked by the brazen act of her to continue relationship with him inspite of my warnings. I am not thinking of divorce at the moment since the kids are involved. I am not able to figure out what to do, and since it is affecting my career and health and kids well being. Please advice
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that divorce is still seen as a negative thing in Indian society, and as you rightfully said, it can have an impact on your kids but at this point in time, some form of separation, if not legal, is very much required. You cannot stand by while your partner continues to cheat on you. If it is indeed your misconception, you might have to sit together with your wife and clear it out once and for all. But if you are absolutely sure about this affair, taking some form of strict action is important. Love can fade over the years, but cheating is never acceptable and you have to communicate this with your partner. Let her decide between you and the man she claims is her friend. And, coming to your kids- it is better to have two happily divorced parents than two unhappy parents who were forced to stick together.

Best Wishes!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |183 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am married and its our 17th year into marriage. Myself 40 yrs and my wife 37 yrs, we have 2 kids. I am working abroad and my wife is working near our home in india itself. Recently my son found that my wife is seeing her senior co worker who is also married and having 2 kids. They were sending romantic messages. My son got shocked and immediately informed me and was very furious. I too got shocked and inquired my wife. She apologized and said that she got attracted and carried away. Also it was just chatting and nothing happened between them. they were chatting for nearly 7 months. In between that man had visited my home too. I love my wife a lot and couldnt believe she betrayed me. As i am working abroad i couldnt judge how long and serious this affair was. I couldnt travel immediately also. She pleaded and still going to the same job citing her career and for kids life. I couldnt sleep and terribly confused as how to handle this and proceed further. I couldnt share to my family also.
Ans: Oh my dear Anonymous, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult situation. Infidelity can be a painful experience, and it's understandable that you're feeling confused and hurt. Dealing with such matters requires careful consideration and communication.It's normal to feel a range of emotions such as anger, sadness, confusion, and betrayal. Allow yourself the space to come to terms with what has happened before making any major decision. Discuss your feelings, concerns, and expectations moving forward with your wife clear;y being open and honest is what i feel is most important. Discuss and establish clear boundaries regarding communication with the other person. Also you have children, consider how this situation may affect them. It's essential to provide a stable and supportive environment for them. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to involve them in the conversation or shield them from the details, depending on their age. Remember, the decision on how to proceed ultimately rests with you. Seeking the assistance of a professional counselor or therapist can be valuable in navigating the complexities of infidelity and rebuilding trust. It's crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and make decisions that align with your values and goals for the future.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |187 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues. Doubt is very destructive in a relationship. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding what happened in the past. Don't push her to give you all the details; it will not contribute positively to your well-being. Aim for a more balanced and productive discussion.

You have to recognize that all these happened many years back. It's in the past. And you cannot change it. While it's essential to acknowledge and understand them, dwelling on them may impact your peace of mind. Focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

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Chocko

Chocko Valliappa  |209 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Entrepreneur, Educationist - Answered on May 09, 2024

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Career
Sir i am a civil engineer graduate 2023 i did my graduation in civil engineering from a tire 2 -3 college from mumbai university . I didn’t get any job its not like that i am dum student or else i was not good at studies u definitely found partility that in civil they took all diploma + degree holders with less knowledge also in companies such a worley , godrej , technimont etc mnc companies with salary of 6-7 lpa but sir i was scattered because i lost my dad in covid my mom is working but her salary is just 50k and now after trying out for jobs as fresher i found a job in IIT bombay as project technical assistant which gives me 30k but its in ocean department. Now i want to learn further i am seeing people doing masters from priavte university like nicmar adani symbiosis etc in construction or infrastructure management. I am stuck jn life what to do im trying for government but i know government junior engineers job wont pay me much to buy home for my mom . In such case what will be best please help
Ans: I fully empathize with your situation. Do focus on the positive of having completed BTech in Civil Engineering. Civil Engineering is the foundational engineering discipline and lends itself to use of new tools and technologies through use of of software to build structures using design elements that use newer materials to build infrastructure, homes, industrial townships that further sustainability. Use your current Tech Asstt job to learn about Oceanography as an added skills. Look at acquiring project management skills and explore opportunities with optimism and passion.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1840 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

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Money
I want to invest Rs. 1 lac lumpsum yearly in mutual funds for my children for the next 15 years. What kind of funds will be apt? (I will increase the lumpsum amount by 10% yearly).
Ans: Given your goal of investing a lump sum of Rs. 1 lakh annually for your children's future over the next 15 years, with a planned 10% increase in the investment amount each year, let's devise an investment strategy tailored to your objectives.
Considering the long investment horizon and the goal of wealth accumulation for your children, a diversified portfolio of mutual funds with a focus on growth potential and risk management would be appropriate. Here's a suggested allocation:
1. Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion of your investment towards equity funds to capitalize on the potential for higher returns over the long term. Opt for a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to diversify across market segments and mitigate risk. These funds offer exposure to quality stocks with strong growth prospects and can help in wealth creation over time.
2. Debt Funds: Incorporate debt funds into your portfolio to provide stability and reduce overall volatility. Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities such as government bonds, corporate bonds, and money market instruments. They offer steady income streams and can act as a buffer during periods of market turbulence. Consider allocating a portion of your investment to debt funds to balance risk and optimize returns.
3. Balanced Funds: Balanced funds, also known as hybrid funds, combine equity and debt instruments in a single portfolio. These funds offer a balanced approach to investing, providing growth potential from equity exposure while offering downside protection through debt allocation. Including balanced funds in your portfolio can help in achieving stable returns while managing risk effectively.
4. Children's Funds: Some mutual funds are specifically designed for children's education or future needs. These funds typically have longer investment horizons and may offer unique features such as lock-in periods or dedicated investment strategies tailored to children's goals. Exploring children's funds can provide a focused approach to investing for your children's future needs.
Regularly review your investment portfolio and adjust your allocations as needed to stay aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Additionally, consider seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to customize your investment strategy based on your specific circumstances and objectives.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1840 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have about 40 lakhs in equity MF, 40 lakhs in pf. Currently making 1 lakh SIP per month. In hand salary is 3.25 lakh/month. I plan to purchase a house worth 1.5 Cr. I'll soon get a lump sum amount of 60 lakhs. Should I use that to pay larger upfront for the house or invest it to pay future payment from returns? I am 37 yrs old male. Monthly expense is about 1 lakh inclusive of rent.
Ans: Here's a breakdown of your situation to help you decide whether to use the lump sum for a larger down payment or invest for future EMIs:

Factors to Consider:

Down Payment Impact: A larger down payment reduces your loan amount, leading to lower interest payments overall. This can save you a significant amount of money in the long run.

Investment Potential: Investing the lump sum could potentially generate returns that help cover future EMIs. However, market performance is not guaranteed.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have a sufficient emergency fund after using the lump sum (ideally 3-6 months of living expenses).

Risk Tolerance: Investing the lump sum involves market risks. Consider your comfort level with potential fluctuations.

Here are two approaches to consider:

Option 1: Larger Down Payment:

Use a significant portion of the lump sum (say 40-50 lakhs) for a larger down payment. This can bring down your loan amount substantially, reducing your overall interest burden.
Invest the remaining amount (20-30 lakhs) to potentially generate additional income or create a buffer for future expenses.
Option 2: Invest and Pay EMIs:

Invest the entire lump sum (60 lakhs) in a diversified portfolio to potentially generate returns that can cover future EMIs.
This frees up your monthly income for other expenses or investments. However, market performance can impact returns.
Here are some additional thoughts:

Interest Rates: Compare current home loan interest rates with the potential returns you might expect from your investments.
Debt Management: Consider your overall debt situation. A larger down payment can improve your debt-to-income ratio, potentially making you eligible for better loan terms.
Professional Advice: Consulting a financial advisor can help you create a personalized plan considering your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon.
Here's a quick summary of your financial situation:

Strong Savings: With Rs. 40 lakh in MFs, Rs. 40 lakh in PF, and a Rs. 1 lakh monthly SIP, you have a solid savings foundation.
High Income: Your in-hand salary of Rs. 3.25 lakh per month provides significant financial flexibility.
House Purchase: Aiming for a Rs. 1.5 crore house indicates a long-term investment plan.

Ultimately, the decision should align with your risk tolerance, financial goals, and overall financial plan. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your specific circumstances, helping you make informed decisions to achieve your objectives.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1840 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

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Money
Hi, I am 36 years old, married & have 1 child (3 year old). Me & wife have combined income from salary of 3.75 lakh post taxes. We are investing in following funds & have investment horizon of more than 15 years. Aditya BSL Pure Value - 2k DSP Value Fund - 4k HDFC Small Cap - 2K Kotak business cycle - 5k Kotak Emerging Equity fund - 2K Motilal Oswal large and Midcap - 10k Bandhan Core Equity - 2k Baroda BNP India Consumption - 3k Franklin India Prima - 4k HDFC Mid Cap Opportunity - 2k HSBC Small Cap - 5k Nippon India Flexi Cap - 7.5 SBI small cap - 4k White Oak capital Large and Mid - 7.5k ICICI prudential India opportunity -10k NPS - 15K Equity Market - 25K SGB - 15K LIC -10K. I'm looking for the same investment till next 15 years. Definitely will increase the MF amount every year. I'm looking for at least 20+ Cr corpus at the age of 55. Please guide me with the existing investment. Total Liability like Home Loan and Top up loan EMI is 42K. I want to make same EMI for Loan and future surplus amount to be invest in equity market with low risk as I'm moving towards early 40s.
Ans: Based on your investment portfolio and financial goals, let's evaluate your current strategy. You've made a commendable effort in diversifying your investments across various mutual funds and other instruments, aiming for a substantial corpus in the next 15 years. Your commitment to increasing your mutual fund investments annually is a wise move, considering the potential for wealth accumulation over time.

However, let's delve into a few considerations. While your investment horizon is long-term, it's prudent to periodically review your portfolio's performance and adjust it according to changing market conditions and your evolving financial situation. With increasing age and responsibilities, it's natural to prioritize stability and lower risk in your investments.

You've mentioned a desire to maintain your current loan EMIs while directing surplus funds towards equity markets with lower risk. This approach aligns with a conservative yet growth-oriented investment strategy, balancing the need for stability with wealth creation potential. As you move towards your early 40s, this cautious approach can provide a cushion against market volatility while still capturing growth opportunities.

While your current portfolio includes a diverse mix of actively managed mutual funds, it's important to acknowledge the disadvantages of solely relying on actively managed funds. These can include higher expense ratios and the possibility of underperformance compared to benchmark indices. However, the benefits of active management, such as the potential for outperformance and flexibility in portfolio construction, justify their inclusion in your investment strategy.

In conclusion, your commitment to long-term wealth creation is admirable. By maintaining a disciplined approach to investing, periodically reviewing your portfolio, and balancing risk and growth opportunities, you're on track to achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1840 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

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Money
Hi sir, greetings. Am 46 years old and have recently got a lumpsum amount of around 15 lakhs and want to invest them with a time horizon of around 15+ years. Please suggest me a portfolio for the same. In case if you suggest me to invest the amount in a split manner in the next 1-2 year duration, is it ok to leave the amount in the Savings account (have an option to get 7% per annum in one of the private sector banks) or any other suggestion in this regard please ?
Ans: Congratulations on receiving a lump sum of 15 lakhs! It's an opportunity to strengthen your financial position and work towards your long-term goals.

Considering your time horizon of 15+ years, you have the advantage of investing for the long term, allowing your investments to potentially grow significantly over time.

As a Certified Financial Planner, I would recommend a diversified portfolio that balances growth potential with risk management. This could include a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes to spread risk and capture growth opportunities.

Leaving the entire amount in a savings account, even with a 7% interest rate, may not be the most prudent choice for long-term wealth accumulation. While it provides safety and liquidity, the returns may not outpace inflation, resulting in a loss of purchasing power over time.

Instead, consider investing the lump sum gradually over the next 1-2 years to benefit from cost averaging and reduce the impact of market volatility. You could divide the amount into smaller portions and invest them systematically at regular intervals.

For the portion not immediately invested, a high-yield savings account or a short-term debt fund could be considered to earn a better return than a traditional savings account while maintaining liquidity.

Remember, investing involves risk, and it's crucial to align your investment strategy with your risk tolerance and financial goals. Regular reviews with your Certified Financial Planner can help ensure your portfolio remains on track to meet your objectives.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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