Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 18, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

My wife has started an affair with her boss who is also my childhood best friends husband. Now both of them claim that it's friendship and nothing else but I have some messages which tell a different stories. My best friend and me tried to confront both but they deny any advancements and try to compare their friendship to ours. I am confused on what to do?? My best friend is telling me to take thing aggressively which might end in our divorce. I have a 12 yr boy whose future I don't want to be in trouble what is the best way forward

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you have tried to confront your wife and it has not shown any fruitful result. I am truly sorry that you have to face this; infidelity is not an easy subject to deal with. Here is what I am advising- since you are not being able to handle this yourself, which is understandable, consider seeking professional help. Marriage counseling can do wonders. The messages that triggered the suspicion in your mind can have a different side too. Just a theory. It is possible that your partner is oblivious to the fact that certain exchanges are not deemed friendly by most people. A professional counselor can help put things into perspective for both you and your wife. You will have clarity and it will also help you sort your feelings in a more structured way.

But if you do not want to go that route, I suggest you gather more evidence that makes your case stronger. Keep them safe and show them only when you are emotionally stable. Let her know that if it doesn't stop, you will have to bring the matter to light for both your families, and might take further steps.

It is commendable that you are so focused on your child's well-being. Keep reassuring him that regardless of what happens between you and his mother, both of you love him the same and he is not to blame for any of the hardships that you are facing in your marriage. Children tend to blame themselves for their parent's marital problems. And once again, I urge you to see a counselor; if not for yourself, do it for your child.

Best Wishes!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |159 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 26, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Dear Mam, I am a 46 year old married man for last 15 years. My wife is 39 year old ... We had an arranged marriage. The marriage all along appeared very happy, so to me. We had a very happy married life.. Our elder child is 13 years. ..... We have another who is 6 year .. ..... Around 8 years back my wife was regularly chatting with her old friend and he was openly flirting... I asked my wife to be careful and stop it.. Which she promised..... ... But she never did, she used to delete the chats and occasionally drop his name... I thought she is a wife, a mother and trusted her.... Last year i came to know that she was meeting him too.. I confronted her... and she gave excuses that it was just few... And she only sat in his Car and took some rides, never got down, never went with him anywhere... Never went to any place, apartment or hotel.. and she insisted it was just few and very recent. ... I checked and found she has met him earlier too.. I checked and found she had paused her google timeline off and on.. She had his contact as hidden in Hangouts, and had exchanged some photographs of hers with my Son to him.. She used to gift him on his birthday........ She was regularly chatting and delteting the messages on all forums with him... On again confronting, she admitted that this all started in 2016...and these are the only visits... She claiming she was afraid so didnt tell all initially.. She says she has met him, but never comitted Adultery... She saying she is remorseful, did a very big blunder and trying all hard to win back my trust... But its very hard to believe and trust...the reason 1) She did not disclose everything to me on first time of confronting...she disclosed only recent visits 2) On being asked to cut off all contacts..she told me she has asked her friend not to contact her thru any mode, but she did not delete him/block him from WhatsApp, Facebook, Truecaller, Mobile contact list..this i had to do. 3) Third she admitted she liked Going out wit him.......4) She so silently used to chat with him even when i was around all these years that i did not suspect....We both are working.. ..please Suggest ..... Hope my identity will not be Disclosed
Ans: Discovering that your wife is talking and meeting with a friend and hiding it from you can be a challenging and stressful situation. If you feel that the friend is flirting with your wife, it can further complicate things and cause feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and mistrust. However, it is essential to approach the situation calmly and objectively and take steps to address the issue.

The first thing to do is to communicate openly and honestly with your wife. Express your concerns and feelings and ask her to explain her relationship with the friend. Listen carefully to her side of the story and try to understand her perspective. It may be that there is a reasonable explanation for their interactions, such as a long-standing friendship or a professional relationship.

However, if you still feel uncomfortable with their interactions and suspect that there may be something more going on, it is essential to address the issue directly. Let your wife know how their interactions make you feel and explain why you feel uncomfortable with their friendship. It is essential to avoid accusing your wife of anything and instead focus on your own feelings and concerns.

It is also important to consider your own behavior in the relationship. Are you feeling jealous or insecure due to your own issues, or is there a valid reason for your concerns? Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and assess the situation objectively.

If you feel that the friend is indeed flirting with your wife, it may be necessary to set some boundaries. Let your wife know what behavior is unacceptable and make it clear that you expect her to respect your feelings and the boundaries you have set.

In some cases, seeking the help of a professional counselor or therapist may be beneficial. A therapist can help you both work through your feelings and emotions and develop a plan to move forward in a healthy and positive way.

It is essential to approach the situation with patience, understanding, and open communication to ensure that you can navigate this difficult time and move forward in a positive direction.
(more)
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I been married for 15 years now. From last 4-5 years, my wife has been getting involved with Random men(Friend circle, internet friends etc). In few times I found out and she promised that she will stop. But In last couple of years, she been deeply involved with a man who is a friend of her. Her friends have been encouraging and helping her to meet him. She keeps giving vague excuses to go out , when i know she is going to meet her. We had multiple discussions and arguments regarding his involvement, but she keep saying she only talks to him as a friend. Her phone is locked, so i cant see the messages between them. But I secretly recorded a few of the conversations she is having with him when I am away at work. I was shocked by the brazen act of her to continue relationship with him inspite of my warnings. I am not thinking of divorce at the moment since the kids are involved. I am not able to figure out what to do, and since it is affecting my career and health and kids well being. Please advice
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that divorce is still seen as a negative thing in Indian society, and as you rightfully said, it can have an impact on your kids but at this point in time, some form of separation, if not legal, is very much required. You cannot stand by while your partner continues to cheat on you. If it is indeed your misconception, you might have to sit together with your wife and clear it out once and for all. But if you are absolutely sure about this affair, taking some form of strict action is important. Love can fade over the years, but cheating is never acceptable and you have to communicate this with your partner. Let her decide between you and the man she claims is her friend. And, coming to your kids- it is better to have two happily divorced parents than two unhappy parents who were forced to stick together.

Best Wishes!
(more)
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |159 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi. I am married and its our 17th year into marriage. Myself 40 yrs and my wife 37 yrs, we have 2 kids. I am working abroad and my wife is working near our home in india itself. Recently my son found that my wife is seeing her senior co worker who is also married and having 2 kids. They were sending romantic messages. My son got shocked and immediately informed me and was very furious. I too got shocked and inquired my wife. She apologized and said that she got attracted and carried away. Also it was just chatting and nothing happened between them. they were chatting for nearly 7 months. In between that man had visited my home too. I love my wife a lot and couldnt believe she betrayed me. As i am working abroad i couldnt judge how long and serious this affair was. I couldnt travel immediately also. She pleaded and still going to the same job citing her career and for kids life. I couldnt sleep and terribly confused as how to handle this and proceed further. I couldnt share to my family also.
Ans: Oh my dear Anonymous, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult situation. Infidelity can be a painful experience, and it's understandable that you're feeling confused and hurt. Dealing with such matters requires careful consideration and communication.It's normal to feel a range of emotions such as anger, sadness, confusion, and betrayal. Allow yourself the space to come to terms with what has happened before making any major decision. Discuss your feelings, concerns, and expectations moving forward with your wife clear;y being open and honest is what i feel is most important. Discuss and establish clear boundaries regarding communication with the other person. Also you have children, consider how this situation may affect them. It's essential to provide a stable and supportive environment for them. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to involve them in the conversation or shield them from the details, depending on their age. Remember, the decision on how to proceed ultimately rests with you. Seeking the assistance of a professional counselor or therapist can be valuable in navigating the complexities of infidelity and rebuilding trust. It's crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and make decisions that align with your values and goals for the future.
(more)
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues. Doubt is very destructive in a relationship. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding what happened in the past. Don't push her to give you all the details; it will not contribute positively to your well-being. Aim for a more balanced and productive discussion.

You have to recognize that all these happened many years back. It's in the past. And you cannot change it. While it's essential to acknowledge and understand them, dwelling on them may impact your peace of mind. Focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage.

Best Wishes!
(more)
Latest Questions
Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |1651 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |637 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2024

Listen
Money
hi sir : my son doing job since two year monthly earning is 60 K. but his saving is nil. pl. advice where to invest
Ans: It's great that your son has started earning, and it's essential to guide him on saving and investing for the future. Here's a step-by-step investment plan tailored for him:

Emergency Fund: Start by building an emergency fund equivalent to 3-6 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible, like a savings account or a liquid fund.
Debt Repayment: If he has any high-interest debts like credit card bills or personal loans, it's wise to clear those first to avoid paying hefty interest.
Investment Options:
Equity Mutual Funds: For long-term wealth creation, he can start SIPs in diversified equity funds. A mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds can provide growth.
PPF (Public Provident Fund): A tax-efficient and safe option for long-term savings with a lock-in period of 15 years.
NPS (National Pension System): A retirement-focused investment with tax benefits, offering a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities.
Term Insurance: Since he's working, consider getting a term insurance plan to ensure financial security for his dependents.
Health Insurance: A comprehensive health insurance plan to cover medical emergencies can provide financial security and tax benefits.
Budgeting and Savings: Encourage him to create a monthly budget to track expenses and identify areas to save. Automating investments through SIPs can also help in disciplined saving.
Financial Education: Educate him about the importance of financial planning, saving, and investing. Encourage him to read books or attend workshops on personal finance.
Starting early with disciplined saving and investing can help him build a substantial corpus over time. Encourage him to consult a financial advisor for personalized guidance tailored to his financial goals and risk tolerance.
(more)
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x