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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 18, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My wife has started an affair with her boss who is also my childhood best friends husband. Now both of them claim that it's friendship and nothing else but I have some messages which tell a different stories. My best friend and me tried to confront both but they deny any advancements and try to compare their friendship to ours. I am confused on what to do?? My best friend is telling me to take thing aggressively which might end in our divorce. I have a 12 yr boy whose future I don't want to be in trouble what is the best way forward

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you have tried to confront your wife and it has not shown any fruitful result. I am truly sorry that you have to face this; infidelity is not an easy subject to deal with. Here is what I am advising- since you are not being able to handle this yourself, which is understandable, consider seeking professional help. Marriage counseling can do wonders. The messages that triggered the suspicion in your mind can have a different side too. Just a theory. It is possible that your partner is oblivious to the fact that certain exchanges are not deemed friendly by most people. A professional counselor can help put things into perspective for both you and your wife. You will have clarity and it will also help you sort your feelings in a more structured way.

But if you do not want to go that route, I suggest you gather more evidence that makes your case stronger. Keep them safe and show them only when you are emotionally stable. Let her know that if it doesn't stop, you will have to bring the matter to light for both your families, and might take further steps.

It is commendable that you are so focused on your child's well-being. Keep reassuring him that regardless of what happens between you and his mother, both of you love him the same and he is not to blame for any of the hardships that you are facing in your marriage. Children tend to blame themselves for their parent's marital problems. And once again, I urge you to see a counselor; if not for yourself, do it for your child.

Best Wishes!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 26, 2023

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Relationship
Dear Mam, I am a 46 year old married man for last 15 years. My wife is 39 year old ... We had an arranged marriage. The marriage all along appeared very happy, so to me. We had a very happy married life.. Our elder child is 13 years. ..... We have another who is 6 year .. ..... Around 8 years back my wife was regularly chatting with her old friend and he was openly flirting... I asked my wife to be careful and stop it.. Which she promised..... ... But she never did, she used to delete the chats and occasionally drop his name... I thought she is a wife, a mother and trusted her.... Last year i came to know that she was meeting him too.. I confronted her... and she gave excuses that it was just few... And she only sat in his Car and took some rides, never got down, never went with him anywhere... Never went to any place, apartment or hotel.. and she insisted it was just few and very recent. ... I checked and found she has met him earlier too.. I checked and found she had paused her google timeline off and on.. She had his contact as hidden in Hangouts, and had exchanged some photographs of hers with my Son to him.. She used to gift him on his birthday........ She was regularly chatting and delteting the messages on all forums with him... On again confronting, she admitted that this all started in 2016...and these are the only visits... She claiming she was afraid so didnt tell all initially.. She says she has met him, but never comitted Adultery... She saying she is remorseful, did a very big blunder and trying all hard to win back my trust... But its very hard to believe and trust...the reason 1) She did not disclose everything to me on first time of confronting...she disclosed only recent visits 2) On being asked to cut off all contacts..she told me she has asked her friend not to contact her thru any mode, but she did not delete him/block him from WhatsApp, Facebook, Truecaller, Mobile contact list..this i had to do. 3) Third she admitted she liked Going out wit him.......4) She so silently used to chat with him even when i was around all these years that i did not suspect....We both are working.. ..please Suggest ..... Hope my identity will not be Disclosed
Ans: Discovering that your wife is talking and meeting with a friend and hiding it from you can be a challenging and stressful situation. If you feel that the friend is flirting with your wife, it can further complicate things and cause feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and mistrust. However, it is essential to approach the situation calmly and objectively and take steps to address the issue.

The first thing to do is to communicate openly and honestly with your wife. Express your concerns and feelings and ask her to explain her relationship with the friend. Listen carefully to her side of the story and try to understand her perspective. It may be that there is a reasonable explanation for their interactions, such as a long-standing friendship or a professional relationship.

However, if you still feel uncomfortable with their interactions and suspect that there may be something more going on, it is essential to address the issue directly. Let your wife know how their interactions make you feel and explain why you feel uncomfortable with their friendship. It is essential to avoid accusing your wife of anything and instead focus on your own feelings and concerns.

It is also important to consider your own behavior in the relationship. Are you feeling jealous or insecure due to your own issues, or is there a valid reason for your concerns? Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and assess the situation objectively.

If you feel that the friend is indeed flirting with your wife, it may be necessary to set some boundaries. Let your wife know what behavior is unacceptable and make it clear that you expect her to respect your feelings and the boundaries you have set.

In some cases, seeking the help of a professional counselor or therapist may be beneficial. A therapist can help you both work through your feelings and emotions and develop a plan to move forward in a healthy and positive way.

It is essential to approach the situation with patience, understanding, and open communication to ensure that you can navigate this difficult time and move forward in a positive direction.
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I been married for 15 years now. From last 4-5 years, my wife has been getting involved with Random men(Friend circle, internet friends etc). In few times I found out and she promised that she will stop. But In last couple of years, she been deeply involved with a man who is a friend of her. Her friends have been encouraging and helping her to meet him. She keeps giving vague excuses to go out , when i know she is going to meet her. We had multiple discussions and arguments regarding his involvement, but she keep saying she only talks to him as a friend. Her phone is locked, so i cant see the messages between them. But I secretly recorded a few of the conversations she is having with him when I am away at work. I was shocked by the brazen act of her to continue relationship with him inspite of my warnings. I am not thinking of divorce at the moment since the kids are involved. I am not able to figure out what to do, and since it is affecting my career and health and kids well being. Please advice
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that divorce is still seen as a negative thing in Indian society, and as you rightfully said, it can have an impact on your kids but at this point in time, some form of separation, if not legal, is very much required. You cannot stand by while your partner continues to cheat on you. If it is indeed your misconception, you might have to sit together with your wife and clear it out once and for all. But if you are absolutely sure about this affair, taking some form of strict action is important. Love can fade over the years, but cheating is never acceptable and you have to communicate this with your partner. Let her decide between you and the man she claims is her friend. And, coming to your kids- it is better to have two happily divorced parents than two unhappy parents who were forced to stick together.

Best Wishes!
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am married and its our 17th year into marriage. Myself 40 yrs and my wife 37 yrs, we have 2 kids. I am working abroad and my wife is working near our home in india itself. Recently my son found that my wife is seeing her senior co worker who is also married and having 2 kids. They were sending romantic messages. My son got shocked and immediately informed me and was very furious. I too got shocked and inquired my wife. She apologized and said that she got attracted and carried away. Also it was just chatting and nothing happened between them. they were chatting for nearly 7 months. In between that man had visited my home too. I love my wife a lot and couldnt believe she betrayed me. As i am working abroad i couldnt judge how long and serious this affair was. I couldnt travel immediately also. She pleaded and still going to the same job citing her career and for kids life. I couldnt sleep and terribly confused as how to handle this and proceed further. I couldnt share to my family also.
Ans: Oh my dear Anonymous, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult situation. Infidelity can be a painful experience, and it's understandable that you're feeling confused and hurt. Dealing with such matters requires careful consideration and communication.It's normal to feel a range of emotions such as anger, sadness, confusion, and betrayal. Allow yourself the space to come to terms with what has happened before making any major decision. Discuss your feelings, concerns, and expectations moving forward with your wife clear;y being open and honest is what i feel is most important. Discuss and establish clear boundaries regarding communication with the other person. Also you have children, consider how this situation may affect them. It's essential to provide a stable and supportive environment for them. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to involve them in the conversation or shield them from the details, depending on their age. Remember, the decision on how to proceed ultimately rests with you. Seeking the assistance of a professional counselor or therapist can be valuable in navigating the complexities of infidelity and rebuilding trust. It's crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and make decisions that align with your values and goals for the future.
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |177 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues. Doubt is very destructive in a relationship. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding what happened in the past. Don't push her to give you all the details; it will not contribute positively to your well-being. Aim for a more balanced and productive discussion.

You have to recognize that all these happened many years back. It's in the past. And you cannot change it. While it's essential to acknowledge and understand them, dwelling on them may impact your peace of mind. Focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage.

Best Wishes!
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Maxim

Maxim Emmanuel  |186 Answers  |Ask -

Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Apr 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello my name is yash I have completed by studies in bsc it I have done jobs of cashier and application support analyst during my studies. No my studies are over I find myself to fit in job as per requirement but I am not satisfied sometimes I feel I am not meant for this I have issues from office like work extra over over time. I want to ask is there everywhere over time of employees to be spend 10-12 hours in office. Secondly I feel that should work in environment where I can move and do work means field work in which I feel I am not bounded in short I want work life balance. I love to read books, I love to do on ground activities in back of my mind I have civil services plan in which I have a permission to work freely. But condition is that how can I do if office demands max hours of my life it's bit confusing for me
Ans: Your name is Yash =Success, but you are far from it because you are on the wrong path.

The education and job as per your statement now matches your profile ,but you are not satisfied because of your work time.. Understand your predicament!

Travelled by bus,train ...realised how many hour's they are driving for you.. When you sleep!?
Forget about being a soldier you cant qualify!

Looking for a cushy and comfortable job, you have just started young man.. Get your thought process right!

The Civil Service means Govt job and you think, once you get it, you can then ruminate!?
Not any more, everywhere there are deliverable's.

Now the balance for work & life balance comes when you have the income to treat yourself, let alone repay the debt of your parent's.

Nobody stops you to do what you love but after a good days work.. Man!?

There's nothing called freely work, all gods children have bosses ,except GOD !

So your confusion of work timings will end, when you have the determination to dedicate & deliver ...success!
Got it.. there's nothing that comes on a platter! Go get it before you are left behind.. Be the YASH!
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Ashwini

Ashwini Dasgupta  |65 Answers  |Ask -

Personality Development Expert, Career Coach - Answered on Apr 28, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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Money
Arun Prasad v k, hi sir, I am 46 yrs wish to retire by 55. Presently I have 25 lacs in fixed deposit, 15 lacs in post office savings , house rent8k, monthly 25k as salary. Besides, this I have 30k as monthly expenses... I have no idea / knowledge about mutual fund and I want to invest regularly for more 10 years...systematically and at the time of 55 I want to get best amount as pension amount..without loosing investment amount to beat the inflation. Kindly suggest me good mutual fund and tell me how to invest directly..without agent.. 2. My fixed deposit going to mature this month for Rs.11 lacs. Kindly suggest ,is it advisable to invest as lumpsum Or in what way to invest.
Ans: t's commendable that you're planning for your retirement and seeking to explore mutual fund investments to achieve your financial goals. Here's a tailored approach to help you get started:

Selecting Mutual Funds: Since you're aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with the goal of generating a pension-like income at the age of 55, consider investing in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds to balance growth potential with capital preservation. Look for funds with a track record of consistent performance, experienced fund managers, and low expense ratios. You may consider diversified equity funds, balanced funds, and debt funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
Investing Directly?
investing directly in mutual funds without professional guidance can pose certain risks. Here are some perils to consider:

Lack of Expertise: Direct investing requires a deep understanding of the mutual fund landscape, market dynamics, and investment strategies. Without proper knowledge, you may struggle to select the right funds and construct a well-balanced portfolio.
Risk of Mistakes: DIY investing increases the risk of making costly mistakes such as selecting unsuitable funds, mistiming the market, or misinterpreting fund performance data. These mistakes can hinder your investment returns and jeopardize your retirement goals.
Limited Access to Research: Individual investors may have limited access to research tools, market insights, and expert analysis compared to financial professionals. This can make it challenging to make informed investment decisions and navigate complex financial markets effectively.
Lack of Personalized Advice: Investing directly means missing out on personalized financial advice tailored to your unique needs, goals, and risk tolerance. A Certified Financial Planner or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) can provide valuable guidance and help you build a customized investment plan aligned with your objectives.
Considering these challenges, I would recommend considering regular mutual funds through an MFD. An MFD can offer personalized advice, recommend suitable mutual funds based on your financial goals and risk profile, and provide ongoing support to help you navigate the investment landscape effectively.
Lumpsum Investment: Regarding your maturing fixed deposit of 11 lakhs, consider your risk tolerance and investment goals before deciding how to deploy this amount. Since you have a relatively short time horizon until retirement, you may consider investing a portion of the amount in debt funds for stability and liquidity, while allocating the remainder to equity funds for potential growth over the long term. Alternatively, you can stagger your investments over time through systematic transfer plans (STP) to mitigate timing risk.
Regular Monitoring: Once you've invested in mutual funds, monitor your investments regularly and review your portfolio periodically to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk profile. Consider rebalancing your portfolio if needed based on changes in market conditions or your financial situation.
By following these steps and staying disciplined with your investment approach, you can work towards building a robust investment portfolio to support your retirement goals while safeguarding your investment against inflation.

By working with an MFD, you can access professional expertise, receive personalized recommendations, and benefit from ongoing guidance to make informed investment decisions and achieve your retirement goals more effectively.

If you have any further questions or need assistance, feel free to reach out to a Certified Financial Planner or Mutual Fund Distributor for personalized advice and support.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 30, 2023Hindi
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Money
I'm 27 year old female. I earn 29k per month. I want to start an SIP and save enough (5lakh) for my marriage that I expect will happen after three years what's the best way for me to go about this goal?
Ans: Starting an SIP to save for your marriage is a wise decision, and with a clear goal in mind, you can work towards achieving it effectively. Here's a suggested approach tailored to your situation:

Determine Required SIP Amount: Calculate the monthly SIP amount required to accumulate 5 lakhs in three years. Assuming an average annual return of around 10%, you'll need to invest approximately 12,000 INR per month.
Select Suitable Mutual Funds: Choose mutual funds that align with your investment horizon and risk tolerance. Given your relatively short time frame of three years, consider allocating your investments to relatively safer options such as debt funds or hybrid funds with a higher allocation towards debt.
Explore Debt and Hybrid Funds: Look for debt funds or hybrid funds with a conservative allocation that prioritize capital preservation while aiming for modest growth. Consider funds with a track record of stable returns and low volatility.
Set Up SIPs: Open SIPs in the chosen mutual funds and set up monthly contributions of 12,000 INR. Ensure that the SIP amount is deducted automatically from your bank account each month to maintain consistency in your investment approach.
Regular Monitoring: Keep track of the performance of your SIPs and review them periodically. Make adjustments to your investment strategy if necessary based on changes in market conditions, fund performance, and your financial goals.
Explore Additional Savings: Consider supplementing your SIPs with additional savings from any windfalls, bonuses, or surplus income to accelerate your goal achievement.
Stay Committed: Stay committed to your SIPs and avoid withdrawing funds prematurely unless absolutely necessary. Remember, consistency and discipline are key to achieving your financial goals.
By following these steps and staying focused on your goal, you can save enough for your marriage within the desired timeframe while building a healthy financial habit for the future.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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Money
Sir please suggest amount as well as mutual fund for 15 years to generate corpus of 1cr
Ans: To generate a corpus of 1 crore in 15 years, you'll need to invest a significant amount regularly and choose suitable mutual funds with growth potential. Here's a suggested approach:

Determine Investment Amount: Considering your goal of accumulating 1 crore in 15 years, you'll need to calculate the monthly investment required based on expected returns. Assuming an average annual return of around 10%, you'll need to invest approximately 30,000 INR per month.
Select Mutual Funds: Choose a mix of equity mutual funds that offer potential for capital appreciation over the long term. Consider allocating your investments across large-cap, mid-cap, and multicap funds to diversify risk and maximize returns. Look for funds with a consistent track record of performance, experienced fund managers, and a robust investment strategy.
Allocate Funds: Divide your monthly investment amount of 30,000 INR among different mutual funds based on your risk tolerance and investment goals. For example, you could allocate 40-50% to large-cap funds, 30-40% to mid-cap funds, and 10-20% to multicap funds.
Regular Monitoring: Regularly review the performance of your mutual funds and make adjustments as needed based on changes in market conditions, fund performance, and your financial goals. Stay disciplined and committed to your investment plan to achieve your target corpus of 1 crore in 15 years.
Consult a Financial Advisor: Consider seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized recommendations based on your financial situation, risk profile, and investment objectives. They can help you create a customized investment plan and guide you towards achieving your long-term financial goals.
By following these steps and staying disciplined with your investments, you can work towards building a substantial corpus of 1 crore over the next 15 years. Remember, consistency, patience, and informed decision-making are key to successful long-term wealth creation.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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Money
Hi sir, Maine niche likhe hue sabhi fund mein mutual fund investment ki hai Small cap fund... Quant, HDFC, Mahindra, ICICI, canara rebeco Mid cap fund....Quant, HDFC, Mahindra, motilal oswal, canara rebeco Multicap fund.... HDFC and Mahindra Sectoral themetic fund... Nippon power& infra, DSp India tiger fund, ICICI manufacturing, ICICI innovation, axis manufacturing Plz mujhe suggest Karo.. aage bhi main yeh invest ment continue Karu ya . Fund change Karu...
Ans: It's great to see your diversified investment approach across different categories like small-cap, mid-cap, multicap, and sectoral thematic funds. However, the decision to continue or change your investments depends on various factors such as fund performance, your investment goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions.

Here are a few steps to consider:

Review Fund Performance: Evaluate the performance of each fund relative to its benchmark and peer group over different time frames. Look for consistency, risk-adjusted returns, and the fund manager's track record.
Assess Investment Goals: Reflect on your investment goals, time horizon, and risk tolerance. Are you investing for short-term gains or long-term wealth creation? Your goals should drive your investment decisions.
Analyze Fund Strategy: Understand the investment strategy and underlying holdings of each fund. Ensure they align with your investment objectives and risk profile. Assess if any funds are deviating from their stated strategy or experiencing manager changes.
Consider Market Conditions: Take into account current market conditions, economic outlook, and sectoral trends. Certain sectors may perform better in specific market cycles, so diversification across sectors can mitigate risks.
Consult a Financial Advisor: Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized recommendations based on your individual circumstances. They can help you assess your portfolio, identify any gaps, and suggest appropriate changes.
Ultimately, the decision to continue or change your investments should be based on a thorough analysis of fund performance, alignment with your goals, and professional advice. Regularly review your portfolio and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards achieving your financial objectives.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |928 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I am 34 yeRs old and monthly income is 1.8 lakhs. I have a home loan EMI of 55000. I want to invest 40000 in MF SIP. Can you please provide a breakdown where should i invest and how much?
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach towards investing despite having home loan commitments. Given your financial situation, here's a suggested breakdown for investing 40,000 INR in mutual fund SIPs:

Diversified Equity Funds (Large Cap/Multi Cap): Allocate around 60-70% of your SIP amount, i.e., 24,000 to 28,000 INR, to diversified equity funds. These funds offer exposure to a mix of large-cap and multi-cap stocks, providing stability and growth potential over the long term.
Mid Cap and Small Cap Funds: Allocate around 20-30% of your SIP amount, i.e., 8,000 to 12,000 INR, to mid-cap and small-cap funds for higher growth potential. These funds are more volatile but can offer significant returns over an extended investment horizon.
Balanced/Hybrid Funds: Consider allocating a small portion, around 10-20% of your SIP amount, i.e., 4,000 to 8,000 INR, to balanced or hybrid funds. These funds invest in a mix of equities and debt instruments, providing a balance between growth and stability.
Asset Allocation: Adjust the allocation percentages based on your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. Regularly review your portfolio's performance and make necessary adjustments to ensure alignment with your objectives.
Professional Advice: Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized guidance based on your financial goals, risk profile, and investment horizon. They can help you select suitable mutual funds and create a well-diversified portfolio tailored to your needs.
By following this breakdown and seeking professional advice, you can build a robust mutual fund portfolio that aligns with your financial objectives and helps you achieve your long-term wealth creation goals.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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