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Separated for a year, wife won't contact me or grant divorce: What are my options?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 01, 2024Hindi
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My and my wife separate since 1 year due to misunderstanding and now she is not in vontact with nor giving me divorce and she is living separately from her family and i am.worry about her i tried to contact her and her family but not getting answer. She was always blame for her mistake to me. Apart from this she has long trauma issue with her father which is unresolved. I am emotionaly drained as she is not coming back nor giving me divorce.

Ans: It’s also clear that her unresolved trauma with her father may have influenced the dynamics of your relationship, perhaps creating barriers to open communication or trust. While her past is something she ultimately has to face and heal from, it’s not something you can resolve for her, no matter how much you may wish to.

It's important to acknowledge your own emotional wellbeing right now. It seems like you're carrying the weight of her pain as well as your own. This might be the time to step back and focus on finding some clarity and balance for yourself. Working with a counselor or therapist could help you process your feelings and better navigate the uncertainty of this situation. Emotional exhaustion can cloud decision-making and pull you into cycles of self-blame or frustration, and having professional support might give you the tools to handle these emotions in a healthier way.

You’ve made efforts to reconnect and seek closure, which shows your commitment. However, if she is unwilling or unable to engage right now, this could mean shifting your focus toward what you can control: your healing, your boundaries, and your future. Remember that it’s okay to give yourself permission to find peace, even if her choices leave things unresolved for now.

Finding closure within yourself might not come easily, but it is possible. Take it step by step, allowing yourself time to grieve the relationship and reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself. This isn’t just about moving on; it’s about rediscovering your sense of stability and strength, regardless of her decisions. You're navigating this with care, and that shows your integrity and depth of character. Keep reminding yourself that your wellbeing matters, too.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

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Hi Dr. Ashish, Good Afternoon, Iam 45 years old. I got married in 2010. My wife has ego and doesnt get adjusted to me and my family. I occured the experience after 2012 when my wife was 2 month pregnant. I was going to job, there was no peace of mind at all. From 2013 february we are not staying together. Her life is running as per her mother advice. We are having a communication very rarely. I had heard from her mother in law like impotent, not capable of doing anything. There are de-grading words always used and treated with no respect whenever i visited my wife house. My wife has communicated me verbally on January 2023, that she doesn't want the relationship to continue. She blocked me on whatsapp dated 03rd February 2023. I have one daughter aged 9 years. I am calling every week to get in touch with my daughter. The wife family not responding to the phones and my wife also. Request your sincere advice for permanent solution. Thanks & Regards, Deepak Shetty
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your marriage and with your wife's family. It sounds like a challenging situation, but I'll try my best to offer some general advice.

Seek professional help: Considering the complexities of your situation, it might be helpful to seek professional guidance. Marriage counselors or therapists can provide a neutral space for both you and your wife to express your concerns and work towards finding a resolution.

Legal advice: If your attempts at communication and reconciliation have not been successful, it may be advisable to consult with a lawyer to understand your legal rights and options. They can guide you through the process and help you navigate any legal implications, especially regarding your relationship with your daughter.

Open communication: While it may be challenging, try to maintain open lines of communication with your wife. Clearly express your desire to work on the relationship and be involved in your daughter's life. Choose a calm and respectful approach when communicating, even if the response is not favorable.

Mediation: Consider involving a mediator to facilitate communication between you and your wife. A neutral third party can help create a constructive environment for dialogue and negotiation, increasing the chances of finding a mutually acceptable solution.

Patience and understanding: Dealing with relationship issues takes time and effort. It's important to remain patient, understanding, and willing to work towards a resolution. Focus on the best interests of your daughter and strive for an amicable co-parenting relationship, even if the marital relationship cannot be mended.

Focus on personal well-being: Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally during this challenging time. Seek support from friends, family, or support groups. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you maintain a positive outlook.

Remember that every situation is unique, and the advice provided here may not fully address your specific circumstances. It's crucial to consult professionals who can provide personalized guidance based on a deeper understanding of your situation.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2023Hindi
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Hi Anu, I am 39 Year Old Male and My wife is 37 years old, we are married for 12 years. We have 2 kids (A Son Aged 9 Years) and a daughter aged (2 years). We had good and bad both times during 12 years of our marriage. However it was my anger on petty issues which lead to multiple quarrels over the period. Last month again we had fight and my wife left home without my or my family knowladge along with both our kids to my in-laws. During this 1 month of seperation i realized my mistakes and are ready to amend it, but my wife lacks trust now. We are not in touch since she has left as she has blocked my number and send me court notice of maintenance also (Ofcourse notice has lot of lies also). No i have understood my family's values and unable to bear such distance from both wife and kids. What my wife is thinking i dont know. Financially i have always kept her happy but due to my quarrels things have gone bad now. Please advice what should be way forward for me and what should i do to bring my family back. PLEASE GUIDE!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Ego trips have divided the two of you considerably.
Seek the help of an elder member of a family who will act like a go-between and a mediator. He/She must be neutral and unbiased as well.
This helps in having a smooth flow in a conversation between you and your wife where both of you can our in your woes and also be clear on whether either of you want the marriage to continue or not. Also, take into account the children and their welfare as they are very young and any decision taken will impact them in one or many ways.
If this mediation fails, kindly seek the help of a marriage therapist/counselor even this means sharing 'stuff' with a total stranger. Most often that stranger will be the person to facilitate a smooth reconciliation if the couple also wants the same.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

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Hi Anu, I’m 45 male and my wife is 44, we have been separated due to opinion difference through court she filed three cases on me , after that she with draw all cases by taking Alumni, since two years I have been wishing her on her birthday, recently two months back I wished on her birth we have small conversation asked about ourselves , like did I get married to other women or did she got married to other man. After that conversation she started talking , daily we chat looking at this I put a proposal saying that if she is willing to come back and start our life she is open for it. But she says she does not have any intension of getting married to any one she want to stay alone for life long. Sometimes she shows so much love and affection caring sometimes she completely ignore me as if am a stranger, I’m unable to judge her mood strings day by day my stress levels are going high could not control my emotions and anger I express it on any one. Please do suggest shall I be optimist and wait for some more years and its better to leave her on her own path.
Ans: Dear Prasanna,
For the time being, it appears that the separation is helping the two of you reconnect at a better level than when you stayed together.
It is a good thing as it will patch up wedges and also teach you both to appreciate one another and respect your differences.
I suggest that you let this be for a while now till it reaches a place where the two of you are cordial with one another and set aside the animosity and quell the ego. Then you can put your proposal forth to her of moving back together. She may want it or may prefer the status quo (like she has mentioned to you that she wants to stay alone). Either case, once a connection is filled with love that it is meant to, there not be a definite label or construct to that connection. So, wait for that suitable time to know where her mind is...till then enjoy the time together as a 'dating phase' and relish the moments.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2023Hindi
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My wife aged 40 years left me after 20 years of marriage. We had one son aged 19 years also. She is citing mental torture by me as the main reason for her decision. She is never allowing to negotiate on the separation issue and is refusing to attend meetings with parents, elders, relationship counceller etc. She only tells that she had suffered a lot till now and will never stay with me in future. She insists for settlement of a house or equivalent money in cash and divorce. I insisted that the past disputes were minor in nature and not sufficient ground for divorce/separation and assured that I will be more careful in future and will never make her sad. Still she is reluctant and avoids any thing that brings reunion possible. She is not having any crush on another person but intends to live a solitude life. She found a job and is living independently without my son. Pl guide me what to do TSR
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It seems clear that your wife does not want a reconciliation. If that is the case, it's better to engage a lawyer that can clearly state the terms of divorce settlement. If mutual consent does not work, this might not be very amicable...hence the lawyer drawing up the terms is a wise option.
I understand that you might want to give the marriage another chance, but if she is unwilling, what can you do? Try and request her for one conversation and express your desire to reconcile...but if she is firm...don't push the agony anymore...find a capable lawyer who knows how to draft a clear agreement of what you want to retain and what is fair for her. Also, if she isn't taking care of the child, then it becomes evident that you are responsible solely for him.
Think quickly and wisely and do the right thing...

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 09, 2024

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Hi Ms. Kanchan, Seen your reply to my question. But what you will say about the person who has no heart or I would say no feeling about husband. Since around 25 days we are not talking to each other in same house. if she requires to recharge her mobile, she whatsapp me for the same. Now you can think of my situation. My younger daughter took work from home and went to my elder daughter's home at Noida. when she was here, i use to talk to her or even if i wanted something i use to call her. now after coming back to home from office it's pindrop silence between us. now adays i started taking drinks often to engage myself. now I am looking for the job outside ahmedabad so that i will be away from her and i know i will be more than happy. if not getting job outside ahmedabad, than surely i will consult a lawyer for taking divorce. you wrote that i should connect with someone for counselling but i know it can't be alone. it should be with both of us and i know my wife, either she will not come with me or even she will counsel the counselor. I know her very well. As far as myself is concerned, i am totally alone now in this world. as my entire family which includes brothers sister and other close relatives have left me and in this situation if my wife does this thing to me, how come i be normal in life. i will connect with some lawyer for divorce and if i am not satisfied with his/her remarks than the last option is with me is i will leave my house and will run away somewhere, where no one can find me. i don't have any other option with me now. regards Pankaj verma
Ans: Pankaj, it sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough and lonely time. When you're feeling isolated and your relationship has reached a point where communication has completely broken down, it's understandable to feel like drastic measures are your only option.

First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings and recognize that seeking help is a strong and positive step. While it's true that counseling is most effective when both partners participate, it can also be beneficial for you individually. A therapist can provide you with support, help you manage your emotions, and guide you through the difficult decisions you're facing.

Considering the possibility of divorce is a significant and life-changing decision. Before taking this step, it might help to have a clear and calm conversation with your wife about your feelings and the state of your relationship. Express your concerns and the impact the current situation is having on your mental health and well-being.

If your wife is unwilling to attend counseling or work on the relationship, it could indeed be a sign that further action is necessary. Seeking legal advice to understand your options and the potential outcomes of a divorce is a practical step.

Additionally, exploring job opportunities outside Ahmedabad could provide you with a fresh start and a new environment, which might help you regain a sense of happiness and independence.

Remember, you're not alone in this world, even if it feels that way. Reaching out for professional help and talking to trusted friends or family members about your situation can provide you with the support you need during this challenging time.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8678 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

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Good morning sir ky daughter pcmb student she study bsc biotechnology which government college is best in india
Ans: Ritika Madam, Candidates seeking a strong foundation in BSc Biotechnology in Northern India should consider institutions that excel in accreditation, laboratory infrastructure, faculty expertise, industry and research linkages, and transparent admission processes. Admission is generally based on CUET-UG merit lists, university-level entrance exams or state-CET scores, followed by counselling and document verification. Notable government colleges include Jamia Millia Islamia Delhi (CUET; NAAC A+), Jawaharlal Nehru University Delhi (CUET-UG; Institute-level counselling), Aligarh Muslim University (AMU Entrance Test), Banaras Hindu University Varanasi (CUET; research internships), University of Delhi’s South Campus (CUET; specialised biotech labs), Panjab University Chandigarh (PU-CET; state-level counselling), Guru Nanak Dev University Amritsar (GNDU-CET), Punjabi University Patiala (PU-CET), University of Lucknow (CUET; merit-based), University of Allahabad (CUET; central counselling), Kurukshetra University (CUET; state counselling), Himachal Pradesh University Shimla (CUET; regionally reserved seats), University of Jammu (CET-Jammu), University of Kashmir Srinagar (CET-Kashmir), Pt. Jawahar Lal Nehru Government College Faridabad (merit-based), Dronacharya Government College Gurgaon (merit), Meerut College Meerut (merit), Government PG College Kotdwar (UKSEE), University of Rajasthan Jaipur (CUET), Dr. Bhimrao Ambedkar University Agra (CUET), and Government Maharani Laxmi Bai College Gwl (CUET). Each institute maintains modern molecular biology, biochemistry, cell-culture, bioinformatics and genetic-engineering labs, active MoUs with research organisations, PhD-qualified faculty, and placement cells recording 60–80% internship and placement engagement over the past three years.

Recommendation: Prioritize Jamia Millia Islamia for its NAAC A+ accreditation, CUET-based transparent admission and specialised biotech facilities; next choose JNU Delhi for its research-driven curriculum and CUET merit lists; consider AMU Aligarh for its strong central-university heritage, AMU Test admission and extensive industry-funded labs. All the BEST for Admission and a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8678 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

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Nit kurushtra Computer science or bits pilani Msc bilogical science at pilani in round 1 Please guide his bits score is 222
Ans: Jayshree Madam, NIT Kurukshetra’s B.Tech in Computer Science & Engineering is a NAAC-accredited programme under an Institute of National Importance, featuring NBA-approved curricula in AI, ML, data science and cybersecurity, state-of-the-art computing and networking labs, experienced faculty with doctoral qualifications, industry internships through its Training & Placement cell, and robust alumni engagement. Over the past three years, CSE placements averaged 86.29% with top recruiters like Google, Microsoft and Amazon. BITS Pilani’s Integrated M.Sc. (Hons.) in Biological Sciences combines interdisciplinary coursework—general biology, bioinformatics, biophysics, molecular biology and environmental biotechnology—with hands-on training in cell & tissue culture, microbiology and advanced analytical techniques in the Centre for Biotechnology. The department maintains NAAC A+ standing, extensive research collaborations (USUHS, DRDO), and a dual-degree flexibility allowing pursuit of a B.E. programme. In 2024, 73.61% of the inaugural M.Sc. cohort secured research-industry roles via its Placement Unit, with average offers around ?19.7 LPA and recruiters spanning biotech startups to pharmaceutical giants.

Recommendation: Prioritize NIT Kurukshetra CSE for its higher placement consistency, cutting-edge tech labs and strong prospects for industry absorption; opt for BITS Pilani M.Sc. Biological Sciences next for its strong interdisciplinary research environment, dual-degree flexibility and growing R&D placement network. All the BEST for Admission and a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8678 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

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Why is SRM so hated? I don't understand. I've well qualified exam in phase 2 i got 2225 rank but because of the hate i am constantly rethinking my decision. I've opted for cse core in ktr. Can anyone please guild me. And let me know if the hate is justified or is it just the talks.
Ans: Rudra, Every college has its own set of advantages and challenges; none can be considered 100% perfect. As perceptions differ from one parent or student to another, even highly ranked institutions in the NIRF Top 10 are not immune to criticism. Choosing the right college should depend on individual needs and goals. Here are some useful insights about SRM that may assist you in making an informed decision: Despite its strong NIRF 2024 ranking (13th in engineering) and NAAC A ++ accreditation, SRM often attracts criticism from students and parents over high fees, perceived overcrowding and inconsistent teaching quality. Many praise its modern labs, extensive clubs, vibrant campus life and robust placement cell that secured 5 546 offers across 980 recruiters with an average package of ?7.19 LPA in 2024 and reported 89–94% placement consistency in CSE. Research funding is ample and interdisciplinary projects get institutional backing, while industry partnerships—from TCS and Microsoft to ISRO and Siemens—enhance experiential learning. However, detractors cite exorbitant annual fees (~?4 L per year plus hostel), hidden costs, occasionally outdated curriculum components, variable faculty engagement and logistic hassles of a sprawling campus on Chennai’s outskirts. Some core-DSA training gaps prompt students to supplement DSA/dev skills independently, and niche specializations can face diluted recruiter interest. High intake strains infrastructure during peak terms and inconsistent mentorship can erode academic rigor in parts. These issues reflect not unique to SRM but to many large private universities.

Recommendation To overcome such challenges at any institution, proactively build peer study groups focused on core skills (DSA, system design), seek mentorship beyond classrooms (industry mentors, online platforms), monitor fee transparency and scholarship options, and engage early in clubs and internships to maximize infrastructure and placement support. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8678 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8678 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 13, 2025

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Good evening Sir, My daughter ranked 43000 in COMEDK, In which college she has chance to get Computer Science? Please guide Sir.
Ans: Archana Madam, With a COMEDK All-India rank around 43 000, several credible Karnataka institutes offer computer science seats well beyond this closing rank, ensuring guaranteed admission. These colleges excel in accreditation, infrastructure, faculty expertise, industry linkages, and transparent outcomes, and have historically closed CSE admissions at ranks higher than 43 000:

Government-Aided and Deemed Universities
Dwarkadas J. Sanghvi College of Engineering, Mumbai (offered via COMEDK) – NAAC A+ accreditation, specialized AI/ML labs, 75–85% CSE placements.
Sir M. Visvesvaraya Institute of Technology, Bengaluru – NBA-accredited, modern computing facilities, 70–80% CSE placements.
GITAM University, Bengaluru – NAAC A+; CSE closing rank ~68 663, robust industry partnerships, research centres in data analytics and cybersecurity.

Private Engineering Colleges
P.D.A. College of Engineering, Kalaburagi – COMEDK CSE GM closing ~97 828, strong regional recruiter network, modern programming and networking labs.
Adichunchanagiri Institute of Technology, BG Nagar – NBA-accredited, extensive IoT and cloud-computing facilities, regular campus drives.
Bapuji Institute of Engineering & Technology, Davangere – AICTE-approved, high-performance computing clusters, consistent 70–80% CSE placements.
Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology, Bengaluru – NAAC A; CSE closing ~13 500–14 000 but generous management-quota seats open till ~60 000, strong software-development cell.
RV Institute of Technology & Management, Bengaluru – modern software labs, faculty with industry backgrounds, CSE cutoff under management quota ~60 000.
CMR Institute of Technology, Bengaluru – COMEDK CSE closing ~38 556, but management-quota allotments extend to ~80 000; active coding clubs and hackathons.
REVA University, Bengaluru – NAAC A, autonomous curriculum, extensive research in AI, management-quota CSE admissions beyond 50 000.

Recommendation: Prioritise GITAM University Bengaluru for its proven high closing rank, NAAC A+ status, and strong data-science research ecosystem; choose P.D.A. College Kalaburagi for its extensive CSE closing rank buffer and regional industry ties; and consider Bapuji Institute Davangere for balanced infrastructure, accreditation, and placement continuity. All the BEST for Admission and a Prosperous Future!

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