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Love Guru

Love Guru   |217 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Me and my wife was married in 22, and we do our btech from same Institute, and same class, when she was classmates once she standing side of me and talking to bf and planning for room for intimate, she don't know that i standing aside of him, later on we came in relationship it was full of emotion and our bond is very deep and Everyone jealous of us and she was very kind, but that phones call haunt me even today's,

Ans: Get over it! She has a past, and you weren’t part of it. I bet you have a past too. You said yourself that you lead a great life now, so stop behaving like an insecure jerk and creating problems where there are none!

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues. Doubt is very destructive in a relationship. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding what happened in the past. Don't push her to give you all the details; it will not contribute positively to your well-being. Aim for a more balanced and productive discussion.

You have to recognize that all these happened many years back. It's in the past. And you cannot change it. While it's essential to acknowledge and understand them, dwelling on them may impact your peace of mind. Focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |720 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Me and my wife are happily married for 10 years and having a twins 4 years before. This incident happened 8 years ago, when my wife and her cousin visited the home town for a temple function they reconnected with this guy who is their old friend ( a distinct relative also), this person had an interest on my wife before marriage and my wife rejected. Now this person is married and having one kid. when they reconnected my wife's cousin used to do conference calls along with this person and my wife. My wife asked me is it ok to talk. i said yes it is fine but just maintain a healthy boundary. So she wont attend all the calls from them. Attended some conference calls for 5 to 15 min and dropped the call saying my husband don't like me in phone too much. this happened weekly once or twice for 2 month(maximum 10 calls). they also had a watsapp group, in that they had friendly chat between them, mostly between wife's cousin and that person. My wife's reply was very less. but when i was going through the messages they are not flirty messages, there i saw my wife saying very positive about our relationship and her cousin also agreed to that saying they are the best couples. but that person has addressed my wife's cousin and my wife occasionally as honey and dear. but both of them ignored and not asked them to stop calling like that. when i checked this with my wife she said that person calls everyone as honey/dear even her sisters and other cousin. Even he calls my wife's mother sometimes honey (she is very aged 60 years).it is habitual for him so she found no meaning in that and she is not bothered to correct that. this is not even a issue for her that's why she did not discuss this with me. that's why she ignored. i asked her to stop talking to him. My wife told she already stopped talking with him as he tried to make personal calls as she did not like it. that time the wats group also not active so she exited from the group and blocked his number. Recently we came to know that one of the relative girl got into affair with this person and this person got divorced due to that. 1. Does the words like honey can be used in friendly way. i have many friends in other gender i never used honey even though i used 'dear' occasionally. As he used this word with my wife, Does this make my wife less pure than other women. Is this cheating ? 2. I cant come in to terms with the fact my wife talked to a person who is a womanizer. does this affect my wife's reputation in the society. they never met in person other than this temple function reconnect.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Let me address your queries one by one.
1. Yes, honey or dear can be friendly too. I cannot tell for sure if he was being friendly or flirty, but these are very common terms.
2. How can him calling your wife, or him being of questionable character make your wife “less pure than other women”? I am not sure how these two are even connected. She spoke highly about your relationship, never engaged in one-on-one conversation with the guy, and even stopped talking to him when he tried to call her separately. What is making you question your wife’s character still?
3. No. This isn’t cheating. Not on your wife’s part. Maybe the man did not have good intentions, but your wife did not indulge him. Even if we look at it from 100 different angles, this is not cheating.
4. When your wife spoke to him, none of you knew about his affair and his character. Then how is she responsible for it? And how is she responsible for his misdeeds anyway?
5. No, this does not affect your wife’s reputation in the society. Again, ask yourself, what is her fault in all of this? You are yourself saying they never met in person, never had a one-off conversation, etc.
Please understand that this man’s behavior is a reflection of his character, not your wife’s. It’s unfair of you to blame her or doubt her.

Hope this helps.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1792 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Me and my wife are happily married for 10 years and having a twins 4 years before. This incident happened 8 years ago, when my wife and her cousin visited the home town for a temple function they reconnected with this guy who is their old friend ( a distinct relative also), this person had an interest on my wife before marriage and my wife rejected. Now this person is married and having one kid. when they reconnected my wife's cousin used to do conference calls along with this person and my wife. My wife asked me is it ok to talk. i said yes it is fine but just maintain a boundary. So she wont attend all the calls from them. Attended some conference calls for 5 to 15 min and drop the call saying my husband don't like me in phone too much. this happens weekly once or twice for 2 month. they also had a watsapp group, in that they had friendly chat between them, mostly between wife's cousin and that person. My wife reply was very less. but when i was going through the messages they are not flirty messages, there i saw my wife saying very positive about our relationship and her cousin also agreed to that saying they are the best couples. but that person has addressed my wife's cousin and my wife occasionally as honey and dear. but both of them ignored and not asked them to stop calling like that. when i checked this with my wife she said that person calls everyone as honey/dear even her sisters and other cousin.it is habitual for him so she found no meaning in that and she is not bothered to correct that. thats why she ignored. i asked her to stop talking to him. My wife told she already stopped talking with him as he tried to make personal calls as she did not like it. that time the wats group also not active so she exited from the group and blocked his number. Recently we came to know that one of the relative girl got into affair with this person and this person got divorced due to that 1. Does words like honey can be used in friendly way. i have many freinds in other gender i never used honey even though i used 'dear' occassionaly. As he used this word with my wife, Does this make my wife less pure than other women's. is this cheating ? 2. I cant come in to terms with the fact my wife talked to a person who is a womanizer. does this affect my wife's reputation in the society. they never met in person other than this temple function reconnect.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is cheating and what is not is purely based on the Book of Rules that each of us have within us; it comes from the way we have been raised on a diet of 'right' and 'wrong' AND from our own experiences.
While validating whether a particular rule works well or not, just put in into context and see it.
- Does that rule keep you away from actually seeing things more openly?
- Does that rule keep you occupied with small things that hold no value?

I guess, you must think of it: is this really cheating? When your wife says that she has stopped talking to him, what makes you still obsess over it?
Also, her rule book says that 'honey' and 'dear' might not be a big thing...Plus, how can she control what another person says...yes, she could have objected and she didn't but not that she played on it.

See, the second doubts have crept in, the mind goes all over the place...even if there are no flirty messages, you will still find something problematic to confirm that what you were thinking in the first place.
So, maybe you need to look within to understand if there are jealousies and insecurities within you and that is what is occupying your mind. If Yes, then address this; speak with your wife and it's fine to tell her that you feel hurt and that you don't like it. When you are frank, a lot of things get sorted out...she may very well understand your point of view...and on your part, as you have said: she used to reply less and not respond much to him...
Do you want unnecessary thoughts drive a wedge in your marriage? Speak it out and things fall in place...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11138 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2026

Money
I'm an investor in India, 30% tax bracket under the new tax regime, with high risk tolerance. I am investing from 2017, invested amount is 22 lakhs, market value 25 lakhs. I have two financial goals — child's education (~7-year horizon) and retirement (~18-year horizon). Current SIP Portfolio I run a 5-fund core portfolio with a total SIP of ₹53,000/month. For the education goal, I have HDFC Nifty 50 Index Fund (₹5,000/month) and Parag Parikh Flexi Cap (₹15,000/month). For retirement, I have ICICI Nifty Next 50 Index (₹8,000/month), Motilal Oswal Midcap (₹15,000/month), and Nippon India Small Cap (₹10,000/month). Each fund is from a different AMC, which is a deliberate diversification choice. Other Investments I have a PPF account (opened 2015, ~₹10L corpus) maturing around 2030. I also hold NPS Tier 1 corpus which I plan to keep untouched until age 60 — I've stopped fresh NPS contributions since there's no additional deduction benefit under the new tax regime. What I'm Looking for advice on Is my current portfolio good for the long term and shall I continue the same Shall I take international exposure through navi nasdaq 100 FOF (Not taking due to tax complication) Shall I invest in gold for hedge Shall I stop my NPS Tier 1 SIP and reallocate 7k to my current portfolio, if yes then which funds I have two specific worries. First, Motilal Oswal Midcap had a fund manager change in July 2025 and runs a fairly concentrated portfolio at an elevated PE — I'm not sure if I should continue, reduce the SIP, or switch to another midcap fund. Second, Nippon India Small Cap has been closed for lumpsum investments since July 2023 due to its large AUM — I've been considering switching to Invesco India Small Cap (ranked #2/18 in the category, AUM ~₹9,700 Cr) but haven't acted on it yet. I'd like views on whether this switch makes sense and whether the timing matters or shall I continue in the same funds and folio. Would like the community's take on the above folio. Thanks.
Ans: You have built a thoughtful and disciplined portfolio since 2017. Managing two separate long-term goals with category allocation and SIP consistency shows strong planning maturity. Your SIP size, time horizon clarity, and asset diversification already place you ahead of many investors.

Let us review each part of your portfolio carefully and improve where required.

» Overall portfolio structure suitability for your two goals

Your goals:

– Child education (7-year horizon)
– Retirement (18-year horizon)

Your current structure separates these goals logically. This is a very good practice.

However one improvement is required.

Index category exposure is currently forming a meaningful portion of your education goal allocation. For a 7-year horizon, actively managed equity allocation generally works better than passive exposure because:

– index funds only mirror market returns
– they cannot reduce downside risk
– they cannot shift sectors when valuations are high
– they cannot select emerging growth companies early
– they cannot generate alpha during active market cycles

For a goal that is only 7 years away, downside protection and active allocation flexibility are important.

So replacing index category exposure gradually with flexi cap or large & midcap category exposure improves goal reliability.

» Suitability of your retirement portfolio allocation

Your retirement horizon is 18 years. This is ideal for:

– midcap category exposure
– small cap category exposure
– flexi cap category exposure

Your allocation toward growth categories supports wealth creation strongly.

So the structure for retirement is appropriate and can be continued with small refinements.

» Whether international exposure should be added

International diversification is useful but not mandatory.

Benefits:

– reduces India-only market risk
– provides exposure to global innovation sectors
– improves currency diversification

However concerns like taxation complexity and portfolio simplicity are valid.

Since your horizon is already supported by strong domestic diversification across market caps, international exposure may be added later gradually but is not essential immediately.

Priority should remain strengthening domestic active allocation first.

» Whether gold allocation should be added

Gold works as a stabiliser, not a return generator.

Gold helps:

– during equity corrections
– during inflation phases
– during global uncertainty periods

For long-term investors like you, allocation of 5% to 10% is sufficient.

It should not replace equity allocation but support it as a hedge layer.

» Whether stopping NPS Tier 1 SIP is a good decision

You mentioned no additional deduction benefit under new tax regime.

Still NPS Tier 1 has advantages:

– retirement discipline lock-in
– low-cost structure
– asset allocation flexibility
– additional pension-layer diversification

If retirement planning is already strong through mutual funds, redirecting the monthly amount into equity categories can improve flexibility.

If you reallocate that amount, better destinations are:

– flexi cap category fund
– large & midcap category fund

These improve balance inside your retirement bucket.

» Concern about midcap category fund manager change and concentration

Your observation is very practical and shows strong monitoring discipline.

Midcap category funds sometimes run concentrated portfolios. After a fund manager change:

– strategy continuity becomes uncertain
– stock selection pattern may change
– risk profile may shift temporarily

Instead of exiting immediately:

Better approach:

– continue SIP for now
– monitor performance for 6 to 12 months
– review portfolio churn pattern
– check consistency versus category average

Switch only if performance divergence becomes visible.

Immediate switching after manager change is usually not necessary.

» Concern about small cap category fund closure for lump sum investment

Closure for lump sum investment normally happens because:

– fund size becomes large
– liquidity management becomes difficult
– protection of existing investors becomes priority

This is not a negative signal.

It is actually a protection step taken by the fund house.

Switching to another small cap category fund only because of closure is not required.

However diversification across two small cap funds is sometimes useful if allocation size is high.

If small cap allocation already exceeds 10% to 15% of total portfolio, then avoid increasing exposure further.

Timing small cap switches rarely improves results.

Consistency matters more.

» Suggested refinements to improve goal achievement probability

Education goal bucket:

– gradually reduce index exposure
– increase flexi cap allocation
– add large & midcap category exposure
– shift partially toward hybrid allocation after 4 years remaining period

Retirement goal bucket:

– continue midcap allocation
– continue small cap allocation within limits
– increase flexi cap allocation gradually
– consider small gold allocation for hedge

NPS allocation decision:

– continue if discipline advantage required
or
– redirect toward flexi cap category fund if flexibility preferred

» Finally

Your portfolio structure is already strong and goal-aligned.

Only these improvements can increase success probability further:

– reduce index exposure in education goal bucket
– continue midcap exposure but monitor post manager-change consistency
– do not switch small cap fund only due to lump sum closure
– add small gold allocation as hedge
– optionally redirect NPS contribution into flexi cap or large & midcap category allocation for flexibility

With these refinements, your education and retirement goals remain well supported for long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |720 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2026Hindi
Relationship
Currently , I am in 2nd year of my clg , btech CCE in MUJ .... Studies are fine. After my breakup with my first bf( 3 years back) it really shook me of as I got to know he cheated on me and I wasted my precious time thinking about him though I have overcame from this .... So I met this guy online .... We are from same clg but diff department... Class are on the same floor so we met a few times but that was also an eye contact or simple hi hello .... We started talking from 2nd sem .... And in 2nd-3rd sem it felt like he liked me but I wasn't ready. And he never brought this topic it was simply friendly banter or thoda bahut flirting and now from the starting of 4th sem things have changed like in his behaviour, way he used to talk, holding the convos ..it's like he's cutting me.... though I talked about this and he cleared like it's nothing like that but yeah many things are changed .... We dont talk like we used to , he seems non interested, late replies ... And here as soon as I started liking him he got off ... I even gave him slight hints but now it feels like I am desperate to talk it is making me feel clingy distracted that I can't just stop thinking about it ... It's becoming a hindrance in my studies . .. I feel like whenever I start to like someone that other person gets off like he's not interested it has happened a many of times .. it makes me feels o dumb and stupid like do I even have something that the other person would like me or even just stop being non interested or giving mixed signals
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how you are feeling and it is very normal to question yourself when you notice the pattern more than one time. But trust me, it is not you. Sometimes people have fleeting feelings for each other. It can also be that since the guy did not feel you reciprocate the same feeling, he moved on to protect his heart. Or some people with casual feelings just lose interest as soon as the chase is over. The reason does not matter; what matters here is that it's not your fault. This clingy, distracted feeling will pass soon. This is not love; you just miss feeling important to someone and it's completely normal. Don't think of this as a loss. He was never the right person for you to begin with if he wants to cut you off suddenly. You deserve to be loved completely, not just when it's convenient for them.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |81 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 20, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 01, 2026Hindi
Relationship
I feel invisible in my own marriage. I’m 36 now, and we are married for 8 years with a beautiful daughter. My wife is a great mother, homemaker and manages everything at home, but we have nothing in common. We haven’t had a real conversation or emotional connection in years. Recently, I got emotionally attached to a senior female colleague who actually listened to me. We went out for coffee and there was an instant emotional connection. I don't feel guilty but I am confused. Is this how emotional affairs begin in long-term marriages? Is it wrong to choose a partner who you are emotionally compatible with?
Ans: Hello sir. I hope you are in good health. Marriage is a long term association in which slowly and slowly we get to know about the positives and negatives of a person. We all have two sides. One is romantic and other is the one who handles all the responsibility. Isn't it good that your wife responsibly handles all the household chores along with your kids and takes care of your needs too. May be she is also lost somewhere and is burdened under all responsibilities. I understand that you may have problems and you may not feel the emotional connection between you too.
There are ways to sort out this. Find some common interest that you both enjoy and do such activities. You may talk with your wife at the end of the day and ask her about her day, you can share about your day. You can discuss your future plans.
In previous times extra marital affairs were very less. Because people used to work with each other and work on each other. They never used to give up on each other. That's why the relationships used to last for more than 50 years even.
You can talk to your colleague as a friend. Friends do listen to each other and have emotional connect but having more than that would not be advisable.
I hope you get some light in your mind.
Take care!
Regards
Dr Upneet Kaur
Follow me on: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1792 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 20, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2026Hindi
Relationship
I'm a 53 year old married man living with two sons. In 2020, my wife found that I am having an affair and left for her parent's place. We were never compatible and having children was her choice. I had told her before our marriage that I am not the husband she was hoping me to be. She chose to be a homemaker and insisted on having kids. Before marriage, I had also mentioned to her that I am seeing someone who was going through her own separation, but she said she wanted to marry me for her own freedom. Now she's living with her parents and we have no contact whatsover. We haven't spoken in all these years but she doesn't want to consent to divorce. I have singlehandedly taken care of my sons in these 6 years. She speaks to her sons when they are outside, and they told me she wants them to stay with me because she doesn't want to work or provide for them. I am okay to provide alimony but she doesn't want to sign the divorce papers. My lawyer has tried to speak with her but she wants to stay married so that I can suffer. What kind of punishment is this? What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What can you do about it? If she does not want a divorce and this is a vengeance thing for your affair, the only thing you can do is speak with her. All the stuff that went South needs to be addressed and YES, there will be a point in time where she will expect you apologize. Yes, you did mention to her about how you view marriage BUT you still went ahead and married and had had kids as well. As far as she is concerned, she always was in an ideal marriage while you had your definition for it and both of you lived the relationship in your own ways.
The best is to appeal to her better sense and hope that someday she will see that it is better to separate than stick together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1792 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 20, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2026Hindi
Relationship
My parents are against my divorce. I am married for 17 years but we have been living as stranger for the past 7 years. We had an arranged marriage and we don't get along. Initially I thought it was because we had a 6 year age gap. But most days, it has been rough. No respect from in-laws, constant arguments and fighting. Husband wanted me to stay away for some time but I realised he is just finding grounds for divorce from my end. He doesn't want to give alimony and wants full custody of our 14 year old son. I have mortgaged my gold to buy this 3bhk house but he dismisses my contribution because the house is in his mother's name. She is still alive. My mental peace is destroyed. But i want to do the right thing for us and my son. Anu mam, do you think I should live separate and give up my rights to this house and my son? If he files for divorce will he have a better advantage than me? Please guide what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Whether you should make the marriage work or live separately is a decision that is yours to make; what I can suggest is to actually understand and become aware as to what you want in life.
If marriage was always an important thing, then maybe some work in that direction can help which means you may have to as a couple set aside differences and work as a unit to put the marriage back together. This also will require your husband to cooperate and view it as important as you do. So, have a conversation with him without it leading into an argument.
Now, if you choose to go separate how and what will be an advantage is something that only a lawyer will be able to guide you on.
So, as a first step become aware about whether you view marriage as an important structure in your life or not; the rest of the steps will follow from this.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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