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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1057 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 28, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
umesh Question by umesh on May 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My wife was divorcee with a son of 4 years at the time of our marriage.I accepted her son as usual.But later on I lost my job than her behave changed now 15 years has gone to our marriage.we are staying apart for the last 7 years.Now many time she blocks my no.many times she rang up own her own.Now we are working different cities,please tell me how to ask her about her choice

Ans: Dear Umesh,
What choice are you referring to?
Staying apart with little or no communication can sour relationships. It only makes sense to meet and resolve these issues.
Are you both planning to rebuild your marriage OR go your separate ways?
How are you planning on caring for your son though he's all grown up now?

You will agree that a serious conversation on these points are necessary and once you both agree on how you want to take things forward, the confusions will go away and you will clearly know what to do and what not to. So, if she has not initiated that conversation, then please suggest one as soon as you can.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1057 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2023

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Mam , I am married since 2000. I have a male child.My wife is a working lady doing Govt. service . Since 2017 I found her behavior towards me & my child has completely changed . She always used to tell lie .She has affair with one of her colleague . She is being completely supported by her family specifically her mother.Without my knowledge she borrowed around 10 lakhs from neighbors of my rented premise at high rate of interest. When the matter come to my knowledge I cleared 7 Lakhs taking loan from Bank . After that she took more loan & left me. Since then , I never inquired about her, never lodge FIR or apply for divorce.I tried to forget her. I have no affair or any mood for remarriage . Rather ,I took care of my child & after rigorous follow up & support , my son cleared NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.My son is aware of everything.He also has no interest towards her mother. In the mean time she has cleared my bank loan & trying to come to me.For this she is pressurizing me.She has no changes.Please suggest what to do.I have no interest towards her.
Ans: Dear Chandra,
It is unfortunate that you have had to go through this. I am sure that you son also has been affected by all of this.
If I understand this correctly, is your wife attempting a reconciliation and wants to have her family back?
If you and your son have a clear decision on not wanting this, I suggest that the three of you meet and hear what she has to say.
Maybe she feels sorry for all that has happened. Hearing her will offer her some respite and also you can convey your decision on not getting back clearly in a respectful way.
Also, your son may or may not want to have a connection with his mother...but give that a chance as well and let them decide that...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1057 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

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Hi Anu, I’m 45 male and my wife is 44, we have been separated due to opinion difference through court she filed three cases on me , after that she with draw all cases by taking Alumni, since two years I have been wishing her on her birthday, recently two months back I wished on her birth we have small conversation asked about ourselves , like did I get married to other women or did she got married to other man. After that conversation she started talking , daily we chat looking at this I put a proposal saying that if she is willing to come back and start our life she is open for it. But she says she does not have any intension of getting married to any one she want to stay alone for life long. Sometimes she shows so much love and affection caring sometimes she completely ignore me as if am a stranger, I’m unable to judge her mood strings day by day my stress levels are going high could not control my emotions and anger I express it on any one. Please do suggest shall I be optimist and wait for some more years and its better to leave her on her own path.
Ans: Dear Prasanna,
For the time being, it appears that the separation is helping the two of you reconnect at a better level than when you stayed together.
It is a good thing as it will patch up wedges and also teach you both to appreciate one another and respect your differences.
I suggest that you let this be for a while now till it reaches a place where the two of you are cordial with one another and set aside the animosity and quell the ego. Then you can put your proposal forth to her of moving back together. She may want it or may prefer the status quo (like she has mentioned to you that she wants to stay alone). Either case, once a connection is filled with love that it is meant to, there not be a definite label or construct to that connection. So, wait for that suitable time to know where her mind is...till then enjoy the time together as a 'dating phase' and relish the moments.

All the best!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |295 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
We got married in 2011 our marriage was not love but also not arranged... it was our both second marriage... I was very much clear about my past marriage & my life with my wife. I hoped that she was clear about hers, we shifted to our own house after 3 years of marriage along with our son. But within 6 months of shifting her friend visited her & she went to other city for vacation with our son for 15 days. Till now everything was fine, but then everything changed she decided for further studies & build her career accordingly to which I welcomed her decision. But when she completed her further studies she started seeing or treating me lowly on various issues. I came to know that she had some past with her friend who came to visit her. First she started telling everyone as I am not highly educated we are having Financial Crisis & she has to leave home & stay in other city to earn. I work in a reputed firm & I am financially stable. After year or so she started accusing me that I am not a good father & irresponsible towards my duties towards my son. After some years she cam back to the city where we lived but shifted to other residence with the support her friend who was with her from the time she went to study. Now my son is 12 years old & I am supporting her with all financial needs, she has left me alone to stay & have cleared me that she will not come back to stay with me as everything is over. I feel cheated what can I do.
Ans: Your marriage, being both your second, likely carried with it hopes for stability and mutual support. It's commendable that you supported your wife in her decision to further her education and build her career. However, it seems that her behavior and treatment towards you changed significantly after she reconnected with her friend and pursued her studies.

The shift in her attitude, accusations, and decision to live separately must be incredibly hurtful and confusing. Feeling accused of being an inadequate father and being told you are financially unstable, despite your stable job, would naturally cause significant emotional distress. Additionally, her move to a different residence with the support of her friend and her declaration that everything is over must feel like a deep betrayal.

Given the current situation, it's important to focus on a few key areas: understanding your legal rights, seeking emotional support, and planning for the future.

First, it's crucial to understand your legal rights and responsibilities, particularly regarding your son and the financial support you're providing. Consulting with a family law attorney can help clarify your position and ensure that you're fulfilling your obligations while protecting your interests. An attorney can also provide guidance on potential steps if you choose to pursue a separation or divorce.

Emotionally, this is a very challenging time, and seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial. Professional support can help you process your feelings of betrayal, sadness, and confusion. Therapy can also provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop strategies to cope with this difficult period.

Your son is another critical aspect of this situation. At 12 years old, he is at a sensitive age, and the changes in the family dynamic likely impact him as well. Ensuring that he feels supported and loved is crucial. Open, honest communication with him, tailored to his age and understanding, can help him navigate his feelings about the situation.

As you move forward, it's important to consider your own well-being and future. Reflect on what you need to feel supported and fulfilled. This might include setting boundaries with your wife, seeking more time with your son, or finding new ways to build your own happiness and stability.

Maintaining a focus on clear communication, legal clarity, and emotional support will help you navigate this difficult situation. It's understandable to feel cheated and hurt, but taking steps to understand your rights, seeking professional support, and planning for the future can provide a path forward. You deserve to find stability and happiness, even amidst these challenging circumstances.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |295 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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Dear madam , I was married since 14 years and live ng separately after marrige last 14 years due to both we are working professionals and my wife lost his father before our marriage and she needs to take care of her mother and family For that after marriage we leave separately and we was a great understanding and we have a boy after 8 years of marriage ,now he is also 6.5 years in age and doing good in education I only send money fornhis education and when ever wife needs ,we did not have regular sex as we meet frequently in a year about 3-4 months back. Now last one year almost I am abroad from India due to service transfer to Malyasia and feeling our relationship is no more working as my wife stop responding my calls and clearly told he is not interested on me.as she is very upgraded in her carrier and feeling disturbed about my calls ....and not even return call when she free of work...I am suppose to do what ? Please suggest.
Ans: Hello Suman,
It sounds like there have been significant changes in your relationship dynamics, especially with your wife's focus on her career and the physical distance between you due to your work in Malaysia. Even though your wife may not be responding to your calls, it's important to continue trying to communicate with her. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly, but also try to listen to her perspective without judgment.Try to understand your wife's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. It's possible that she may be feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities or experiencing other challenges that are affecting her responsiveness. Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate communication and help both of you work through your issues. A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and rebuilding your relationship. Reflect on what you want for your future and what you're willing to do to salvage your marriage. Consider your own needs and priorities, as well as those of your son. If possible, try to spend quality time together when you visit India or when your wife can join you in Malaysia. Building positive experiences together can help strengthen your bond and rekindle your connection. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for guidance and emotional support during this challenging time. Having a strong support system can help you navigate through difficult situations.Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Ultimately, rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and an openness to change.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |295 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear madam , My name is Suman ..44+ years I was married since 14 years and live ng separately after marrige last 14 years due to both we are working professionals and my wife lost his father before our marriage and she needs to take care of her mother and family For that after marriage we leave separately and we was a great understanding and we have a boy after 8 years of marriage ,now he is also 6.5 years in age and doing good in education I only send money fornhis education and when ever wife needs ,we did not have regular sex as we meet frequently in a year about 3-4 months back. Now last one year almost I am abroad from India due to service transfer to Malyasia and feeling our relationship is no more working as my wife stop responding my calls and clearly told he is not interested on me.as she is very upgraded in her carrier and feeling disturbed about my calls ....and not even return call when she free of work...I am suppose to do what ? Please suggest.
Ans: Hello Suman,
It sounds like there have been significant changes in your relationship dynamics, especially with your wife's focus on her career and the physical distance between you due to your work in Malaysia. Even though your wife may not be responding to your calls, it's important to continue trying to communicate with her. Express your concerns and feelings openly and honestly, but also try to listen to her perspective without judgment.Try to understand your wife's perspective and the reasons behind her behavior. It's possible that she may be feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities or experiencing other challenges that are affecting her responsiveness. Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can facilitate communication and help both of you work through your issues. A neutral third party can provide guidance and support in resolving conflicts and rebuilding your relationship. Reflect on what you want for your future and what you're willing to do to salvage your marriage. Consider your own needs and priorities, as well as those of your son. If possible, try to spend quality time together when you visit India or when your wife can join you in Malaysia. Building positive experiences together can help strengthen your bond and rekindle your connection. Lean on friends, family, or support groups for guidance and emotional support during this challenging time. Having a strong support system can help you navigate through difficult situations.Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally. Focus on activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if you're feeling overwhelmed or distressed.
Ultimately, rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. It's important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and an openness to change.

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |2569 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

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Career
Sir my self krishna sir can't able focus on studies properly plz give some tips to study for more hours for jee
Ans: Krishna, adhere to the following Strategies/Tips/Steps:

(1) Whenever you study at home, study for 45-minutes. Then take a break of 10-minutes when you can move away from your study table, walk, have some water & relax. If you continue studying beyond 45-minutes, your concentration power will go down, resulting to low output. Most students commit this mistake.
(2) On daily basis (morning or evening whichever will be convenient to you), do yoga or meditation or physical exercises or play any games / sports for at least 30-45 minutes. This will further reduce your stress / distractions.
(3) Study tough topics / tough subjects (applicable to you) early morning with your fresh mind.
(4) Eat a lot of green vegetables / fruits which you can afford for & Avoid soft drinks/junk foods
(5) Every day night, before going to bed, revise whatever you have studied during the day.
(6) Also, revise every week whatever you have covered till date (here your short-notes which you should prepare will be helpful).
(7) Keep practising questions on topics which you have covered either offline or online
(8) Give utmost importance to wrongly answered / difficult / complicated / tough questions and have a separate note-book specially for this for each subject (PCM)
(9) You might be aware that JEE rank is allotted on the basis of highest score in Maths, followed by Physics & Chemistry. Practice more and more in Maths, till you reach Speed & Accuracy

(10) By December-January, attempt fully syllabus online test series, evaluate and analyse your performance such as,

(a) which topic / unit / concept you are weak which needs your revision and improvement as this will disturb you when you appear in actual JEE exam
(b) abnormal time taken to attempt any question which you can come to know from Online Test Series which you should reduce
(c) which questions you skipped and why?

(11) Please AVOID studying under pressure that you should get admission only into IITs/ NITs. Never advisable. Any one can be successful, even if he / she studies in NON-IIT / NON-NIT Colleges also.

(12) Have Plan B & Plan C for other Colleges Entrance Exams / Disciplines-Streams.
(13) Avoid comparing yourself with other students.

(14) Also, it is highly ideal to appear in / attempt\minimum 5-7 Entrance Exams (for both Govt & Private Engineering Colleges). You will have a lot of options (easiest method) to choose the best and most suitable one, keeping in view a lot of factors such as, College | Location | Your Interest | Stream Preference | Placement Records | College Culture | Your Short & Long Term Goals | Pressure You Can Go Through | Your AIR & Job Market Condition when you apply for your BTech & Even after.

I hope I have answered to your question with value additions. All the BEST for your Bright Future.

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