Madam i am 21 years old having a good post at central government as at erly age i got job and i joint it now i am 22 and having a boyfriend he is also central government officer and he is age 29 bu despite of the age gap the love bloomed and we are so in love with each other i told my family early tge condition and said that i want to marry him but my parents said after 25 we will ger u married but by sharing this at hone they are not having trust on mr and are being insecure and wants me to leave a government job and to come home because he is not from same caste and it will also be interstate marriage my family is having the fear of relatives and my mother us against of it they are saying intercaste marriage we will not support or accept continuously emotional blackmail to me trying to manipulate, brainwash me and abusing me emotionally verbally and physically. what should i do?

Ans: Navigating intercaste marriage in Indian society can indeed be challenging, but it's important to remember that your happiness and well-being should be paramount. Here are some suggestions tailored to the context of Indian society and relationships Start by trying to understand the specific concerns your parents have about the intercaste marriage. Is it fear of societal judgment, concerns about cultural differences, or something else? Understanding their perspective can help you address their concerns more effectively.Consider involving a trusted family member or elder who can act as a mediator between you and your parents. Sometimes, having a respected third party intervene can help facilitate a more productive conversation and bridge the gap between generations. Seek support from within your community or cultural circle. Sometimes, hearing from others who have successfully navigated intercaste marriages can help reassure your parents that such unions can be successful and fulfilling.Take the opportunity to educate your parents about the changing dynamics of relationships and marriages in modern Indian society. Share stories and examples of intercaste marriages that have thrived, and emphasize that love knows no boundaries. Changing deeply ingrained beliefs and cultural norms takes time. Be patient with your parents and continue to express your love and commitment to your partner. Sometimes, repeated conversations and demonstrations of your sincerity can gradually soften their stance. Consider seeking the assistance of a relationship counselor or therapist who specializes in intercultural or intercaste relationships. They can provide you with personalized advice and strategies for navigating the complexities of your situation.While it's always preferable to have your parents' blessing, remember that ultimately, the decision to marry is yours. If all efforts to persuade your parents fail and you feel that marrying your partner is the right choice for you, consider exploring legal options such as court marriage. Take care of your mental and emotional well-being during this challenging time. Lean on your partner, friends, and support network for emotional support, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Remember, you deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you for who you are, regardless of societal expectations or family objections. Stay true to yourself and your values, and trust that with patience, understanding, and perseverance, you can overcome the obstacles in your path.

Ans: Dear Albatross,
Inter-religion marriages are still a taboo in society; so you are dealing with what has been normalized in society.
If you looking at your parents' approval, it may never happen. So decide how you want to go about it...Of course, you can try to patiently work with your parents and your partner. Think about how to get the two of them together so that your parents get a chance to meet him and interact with him.
Still, be prepared for things not to work out, but do make that humble attempt!
Make a decision that seems the best and stick with it...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: https://www.facebook.com/anukrish07/ AND https://www.linkedin.com/in/anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yes, family, reputation, society...all this do come up within many Indian marriages.
But the point is: as two adults how smartly you deal with the issue of inter-caste marriage with your parents, the disappointments that they will subject you to, how effectively your partner is able to strike a rapport with your parents and show them how and why he is right for their daughter...lot of work, yeah? But, well...if that's the way forward, then you both need to work on all this.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: First, acknowledge that this situation requires careful navigation. Your relationship has stood the test of time, and clearly, you have strong feelings for your boyfriend, especially given that you've been together for 11 years. His dedication to pursuing his dreams in Canada and building his career in music and event management is admirable, even if his financial situation isn't yet stable. What you need to assess is whether you're willing to stand by him as he grows and whether you share the same vision for the future.

On the other hand, your parents’ concerns seem to stem from their desire for you to have a secure future, especially given your family's business background. They are likely looking for someone who fits into their worldview of stability, and this has led to their reaction when they learned about the inter-caste relationship and your boyfriend’s current financial situation. Their opposition is likely based on their love for you, but the drama and foul words, while hurtful, might reflect their frustration at feeling like they're losing control over your future.

You’ve expressed that you don’t want to lose either your parents or your boyfriend, and that’s where the conflict lies. In this case, the solution isn’t simple, but it can start with communication. It might be helpful to have an open, calm conversation with your parents—not to argue or change their minds immediately, but to help them understand your feelings. Let them know how much you value their opinion, but also explain why you love your boyfriend and why you believe in his potential. Sometimes parents need time to understand that relationships aren't only about caste or financial standing, but also about trust, love, and shared dreams.

At the same time, you might need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend about your future together, especially given that he's still in the early stages of his career. Be honest about the pressure you're feeling from your family and make sure you're both on the same page about your long-term goals, including how you might handle financial challenges.

It's also important to remember that this decision is yours to make. You are in a unique position, being part of a business family, which means that you've likely been sheltered from certain financial realities. If you do choose to marry your boyfriend, the lifestyle may not immediately match what you’re used to. But if you're confident in his ambition and in the strength of your relationship, then that’s something worth considering as part of your future.

Lastly, while it’s painful to feel like you have to choose between two important parts of your life, it’s possible to work towards a solution that doesn’t leave you with regrets. Give your parents time to see your perspective, but also recognize that their acceptance might take longer than you’d like. In the meantime, staying true to what you value most in life—whether that’s love, security, or family harmony—will guide your decision-making process.

You might also benefit from seeking guidance from a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, who can help you navigate these conversations with both your parents and your boyfriend. This way, you can approach the situation with emotional clarity and respect for everyone involved, including yourself.